Joe Rogan Experience #100 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 We gots no bells and whistles. The stupid karaoke snow effect. what it is you know it was just we were just fucking around we just what it would start it It was crazy. He just wants Joey when he's on. And Joey got mad It's probably me I hate that, when you have to speed up a shit. and you go, Or the girlfriend shit I don't mind if they I'm just going to tell her, listen, here's the deal.

2:56 You didn't look through my camera, by the way, that I left you. one or first or second uh home movie sex movie oh really and we were just like let's see what it stuff like that like i jason likes black dick and last uh last night uh jason's did his mom know but he said something like, I really like black muff or something like that. Yeah, she's pretty cool.

4:37 It took forever before he came clean. There was no getting around it. go i hate when you make that slurping noise can't you turn your microphone off just fucking deal The RSS incident. I'm not an audio engineer, but it didn't work right. You have to put it through post before you – I went to his setup. You actually got one of the same mics that he uses.

7:06 You know, I think for our purposes, these are better. One, you know, to see if there's anybody that I agree with. You don't fall for that shit. gold's not what we're going to need. to fuck each other up Because every time I'm away from LA, And, like, I think I have, like, a whole suitcase of shit. I think what I could do is there's three comedy clubs in Denver.

9:29 There's a strong local comic scene And I did it through Skype. kind of fucked though Yeah, and if I had it But then once I show you how sweet Colorado is, you're going to want to move too. Hippie is what's mostly there, right? That's kind of a bummer You know, it's like I don't really look for what I date. But what I'm saying is living in Los Angeles is giving you access to these girls.

11:13 Yeah. as much either yeah you're weak weak you just in. But it's easy to do, man. I think I like it more. No, no. I like the new ones, definitely. Even if I killed, it's still weird. You've got to figure out, bro, if you really want to do it. I like bowling. you need to get out. Yeah. Right. Shroom's really nice to reset that though. You need to shroom again soon, man. It's, it's, I shroomed the other day and it's, it wasn't the best one,

14:15 Ew. I know. And I didn't hear the water. No, I didn't know it was on there, but it's crazy how much pee comes out so fast, because in the weight of the uh pee dropped into the toilet and just start spraying out back out of So it's just whatever lube was on the condom. That's another joke a friend of mine, Amir Galan. Why are you laughing? This is so stupid, but...

16:31 Um, you know, There is no ADD. body yeah you need to kick your body in the air but all this humping should be doing something I can't think you're going gonna last very long on speed yeah you know i don't like what it feels like i'll have a cup of coffee during the podcast When I I noticed on the way home yesterday you'll see like this line on my i do this i bite my cheek and are you thinking about anything when

18:58 Right. Maybe you would like feel much that webcam thing that they put you put on top of your TV and it'ss your body it works i don't know like i'm not i haven't like a first person shooter or something where you'd have to i think it's good enough for that Exactly. So now, if you're using it as a first-person shooter, how do you pull triggers? No, no.

20:54 That's all incognito. like something like that that means forward you go like this and you shake your hand to the right fuck else could you simulate movement unless you just did it inside like the virtual reality then The idea is that you're supposed to be able to do it wherever you are. I like them in theory. But, you know, there's just, there's too much of that hippie movement that wants people to help them, you know, and this is how I feel about that.

23:25 and they're doing their best and they're, they're, they're living their life and you're doing your They're fucking lazy and they don't work that hard and they don't do their part something that you can do to feed yourself. Okay. Figure out something you can do to put a roof over Get your shit together, okay? shit together. He couldn't make something happen. He was trying to be a comedian for a while that

25:58 ultimately, I'm sure it'd be my problem with Portland. It's a bit of my problem with San motherfucker, you're not even helping yourself. Like, look what you're doing for yourself. And There's good hippies. You know, I have a lot of friends that are MMA fans. Yeah. going on at Burning Man. They have showers and stuff. I'm sorry. of changing a little, you know?

28:40 uh, Here's a monkey one. where you draw on a flip book and you flip it through. or maybe they have, Why don't you perform? everything else going around. when you're on shrooms. And he's like, no, thank you. I appreciate it. But I only do comedy clubs, man. That's it. And and you're on this stage and all these people I'm not going to tell you shit, man.

31:09 and understanding psychedelics but that's not what you want to do when you're jazzed out of your head. and those things will stand out It might be a good time. might have smoked weed but i didn't think he was the the crazy stoner and just after hanging out and it was at a head shop, and they closed the head shop down. I had to hang out. i'm gonna have a cup of coffee and have some food and just fucking sit back and read my cell phone

34:18 Hit this. fuck is going on out there because this is crazy i don't even know what's happening out there that's I've been to, shit, Not even girls. you're going to hear some girl a real go-getter very nice guy and but he he's so anal and just fucking wound up about shit. Does he do that? people like that that like only wear certain things like well this dude isn't just in badly

36:57 98. It was like, you just need to smoke weed. instead of having a million people talking at once there's no attack on you i understand what Yeah, we have talked about him. You get a lot of people that hate on you, man. Yeah. what, does he know how to edit some videos or something? It's really interesting. is that when you have a great personality, the reward is people are always nice to you.

39:18 So when you see jealousy in little kids, and then you see jealousy in grown adults, I don't even know what the fuck the story if it wasn't for NBC, you would be nobody. It's really simple. as your fucking friends, man. Is that what you said? Yeah, it's all done. I mean, I haven't written my name on it, yeah we're gonna send them 12 well my number 1 favorite

41:24 and like when he starts this show that he's putting together yeah and he goes i did mushrooms last night man i was in the podcast next week. Wouldn't the world Everybody's going to be nice to you. like really known labels yeah oh yeah these are like the big dogs like these are for wine remember But I just usually go by the bottle like, oh, that's a crazy cat on that.

43:35 It just tastes better. Like, oh, okay, this is some weird tasting art form. Why wouldn't you just, okay, it tastes like shit forever, And they're like the first time you try wine, me so much about you know like you know it's all about like how they put it in what kind of barrels You like cheese? That's the most ridiculous wet pussy you'll ever see.

46:02 Yeah. You didn't want It's beautiful Or is it just couples mostly? Is this near Santa Ynez? They look like – it's amazing, man. about the mass bird deaths that happen, You ever get the ostrich burger? You don't have to worry about Mad Cow with those bitches just get that shit rare fire that fucker up or feel that We're going to this ranch onto their,

48:25 Yeah. He wants to come back on the podcast. removed from his face. Are you serious? He's got a big scar right on his temple. You've got to be careful as fuck. up poor or rather growing up super rich and growing up rich and famous from the time as early as he Yeah, it's not good. And I'm like, really? That's, why is why is it no that's just the kind it is or whatever

51:12 Moles can kill you. Who looks at their asshole? I wait for signals from it. That's weird. I mean, the issue with Dane and Louie, obviously, was that Louie had done it first. I'm writing this chapter in my book So I clicked the link and it opens up. Or is she taking it to another level? Like I got a big anal scene, you know? But, you know, where they they, you know, they made her feel bad about it.

54:14 It was weird. what have you become that you're letting someone put a baseball bat in your ass? What has happened you know, You know, like, if I... I don't think that's have been during the heyday. You know, I think know do another video later that day where it's just them masturbating and they get a thousand just like wow she used to be a yeah you know playboy bunny well you know look this this avenue

57:00 had a couple of porns laying around the house too. They still have those rules. but like 20 different poses. and that women that are way hotter than you could ever possibly imagine because you see all these 20 different scenes. I know it. Like what's going on? I mean, that's what it's like. would rather have hard dicks yeah because you can't even imagine that that would feel good. You'd feel like that the guy would be embarrassed and that it feels

1:00:08 if it's big, or something like that. I whisper it. gave us the rules of being a porn star. I'm like, you have strategies on what you hold back when you do porn? Hey, that's a big thing in porn. Just, They just wanna fuck Are southern Porn sold in the deep south Is that it? Yeah I used to do a stupid slut. Please. There's a disproportionate amount of all interracial porn sold in the deep south.

1:02:00 Oh man, I can't believe what he's doing Mexican. When you were stuck in China and everybody else the american indians and then eventually eventually we're going to be a world culture i just don't see Human men would fuck Neanderthal women and make babies with them. Maybe that's the end of the world once you make Jesus. Well, our heads aren't, the monkeys have smaller heads, our heads are bigger,

1:04:18 You're never going to be fighting for their life against other bodies and trying to take down animals to eat them. of the aliens, they've gone completely past all that shit. you eliminate all your sexual issues if you can reproduce, if everybody raised them outside of the womb And so that's what they would do. Artificial electricity, you know. the Ray Kurzweil documentary that I watched.

1:06:30 the ideas of, I don't believe, I don't believe they exist or that they don't exist. I don't It doesn't jive to me. different people that had very, very similar experiences where they were abducted, you know, I want to know a lot of other shit about these people. The one most important point is that it all happens at night. Yeah, it's cool ass dream, but it was a fucking dream. All right. It was really obvious to me when I woke up like,

1:09:38 Whether Godzilla is real? Do you think you were dreaming? And it's not even necessarily that they're lying. the people of the world. Well, you know, if you have a natural psychedelic experience or if you And let's look at this other than the way we're looking at it right now It's that simple. You pinched yourself and made your own scar, you nutty bitch.

1:12:15 It's fucking nuts, man. It was pretty dope. When we were doing Fear Factor, much noise and they look like fucking alien spacecrafts it's dope like you look at them like You're fucked. What is your dream people to get on? what is that? That's mostly what it was, that were listening were your fans still mad at me for being But they wanted me to eat some stuff.

1:15:13 i actually filmed that did you yeah those people are mad at me are you still mad they still talk It was stupid shit. adjust. They didn't adjust. So then I'm like, why the fuck am I doing this? And then it's like, So if you're coming from some fucking television show and you want to eat their stupid Easy This is all I've planned for this fucking thing.

1:16:40 Every show that I do now, I do nothing for. All 100% people who appreciate your work. and trying to get people out there to listen and like you. They're just talking people. Oh, really? I didn't do anything to you. I could have just, this isn't one of those things. This is just stupidity. And I didn't want to deal with That's exciting, man. And then sometimes when an idea will come out and then another idea will follow it and I'll like step back,

1:19:49 I was going to write just for like an hour and then get in the tank. than it is to think of the concept of experience. I mean, you talk very like smart. fucking day almost can't you just speak from the heart yeah but but there's uh just going from one place to another giving a speech giving a speech giving a speech expectations with that and then they'll hit them we'll hit them with this to make them happy

1:22:27 reading off a fucking or anything like that. on how to be a good like, hey, brevity, you know, they axed him they killed it yeah i always thought for some reason flip video was very successful Is it a big deal? You know, now you get like an email alert from CNN to tell you that Flip Video has been eaten up by Cisco. He got busted going online, defending himself under a fake name.

1:24:42 That's pretty funny. exactly he said. He said I never got into Dilbert, really. It's terrible. to me it was even remotely interesting was when stole his intellectual property and started using it as characters inside of his Doonesbury comic. I used to like So Garfield and Farside Whatever that fucking Yeah. Yeah. Farsight, definitely. Wow. Okay, go see Louis C.K.

1:28:15 You go see Joey Diaz, and if you don't laugh, And female porcupines have been witnessed using wooden sticks as dildos. And then like if a dinosaur fucking cummed, like how much cum that would be? What? nine to five hours really yeah 12 of a porno film is watched at a hotel room on average. There's too much porn, I think, at this point. Nowadays, man,

1:30:45 And you could fucking stack monitors to the top of your room like a movie screen, 50 feet high. It was on the internet. Really? parking lot telling me that joke. That was one of the few moments in my life maybe I have to find something. oh god yeah i think if i was a mortician and I think if you get a hot chick, that there'd be sometimes This was in the late 90 90s early 2000s and it was a whole sequence

1:33:34 um, man. Can they fix that? but I don't think it's immediate. So maybe if you get the person right after they die, that you could just pretty much She's a gagger. after they're dead. They had him on the radio, badass radio station. I mean, it was like some serious fucking jams, one after the other, and it was at this pool Do you know he was shaggy?

1:36:42 And I don't know the song, but it was about some people that... It was like the Donner song but it was about some people that it was like the yeah amazon that shit but casey casem was going off casey casem about this sometimes you have to And I was like, what? Yeah, they're spooning that guy's ass out. Yeah. He's so mad about that. And by the end, he was a junkie and a loser.

1:39:26 you know Kate yeah good positive attributes There's a reason for that. There's some freedom in just saying, no, you don't have me anymore. and shit like they did, now we're in 1970. Alright. He was a girl the whole time. we get sponsors. I mean, we just have this fleshlight right now, but that's mostly because we're going to be moving to Sirius very soon. Both, obviously,

1:41:52 And the more of these things that we do, the more it... I have this idea of raising my kids in a place where it's a little more calm. To me, it was like, fuck, I was gone. That's on the other side of the fucking planet. and we didn't even have to talk about when we talked about just normal shit like we always do energy that I get from all these people at shows and the positive reactions that I get.

1:45:00 If I decided to stay in Colorado, we would have never have done this. Oh, did you hear that? Adam Carolla had a really he did like all hate like his his audience hates so bad that girl on any girl that's on his show It's on its way. that's what I call it. It's all stuff that people have reported actually helps brain function. Cause I'm not, I'm not inside your head, but I know for a fact, my own brain, if I didn't

1:47:58 I get ginger and raw garlic and carrots and celery. It's annoying. Find some fucking way, man. I can't remember which one it is. oh a lot definitely yeah yeah does it bother you though that you're doing that you're poisoning Those two are the things that I've noticed the biggest from. How much do you think cigarettes fuck with you? There's times that I've seen you when you're smoking a lot,

1:49:51 No, it's not what it is. If I i shave it's gray for the first three days no man i mean um i mean like your eyes like around your eyes like you there's something about smoking something about Yeah. No, I mean, well, to a point if you get cancer, obviously. I mean, you've taken those nicotine patches. talking about Joey likes to pretend yeah Both of them were fucking awesome.

1:51:52 And I'm doing it with Sam Tripoli. He's so excited about it, too. And then the other thing is Cobb's in San Francisco, yeah, It's like Ari's getting a bunch of headline gigs now, which which is very nice yeah ari's headlining all over the place me i'm getting out of here and he just runs away that dude should be so much bigger bigger i mean he's gonna be i was talking i was talking to mary carrie when we

1:54:00 which is really hilarious, but it's hard to clean that shit up for, you know, a seven minute spot at live at Gotham or something like that. You know, it was always hard for me too. an hour Comedy Central special and then got an hour's Comedy Central special. And he doesn't do I want to make sure it's entertaining because it's a part of that whole system of promoting yourself,

1:55:46 Mayhem Miller's been on it. They're all grouped into one podcast. morning zoo at wnci 97.9 it. It was the day Buster Douglas won and now look at this. I did the video portion of it through Skype and I just used the microphone and listened We live in a different world and we got lucky. Way before I even moved to Colorado Like four years ago And everyone's mad at him, I guess.

1:58:17 Yeah. Oh, that's the fucking Malibu. I did it yesterday Red Band and I have more than surpassed our expectations. I thought for sure. It was packed, sold out. And I go, And I was like, whoa, really? whatever. Yeah. Jamie Kennedy wasn't in town, so they went to see me. You know what I mean? It's But this was sold out like way before that. Same thing

2:01:17 I'm gonna have that shit straightened out Duncan Trussell is coming on next week, too. Everybody that enjoyed it, we're so happy that you did. And you can shoot loads, and it feels awesome.