Joe Rogan Experience #10016 — Brendan Schaub Transcript

Transcript

0:00 They get me all the time. They have nothing to do? I think your ass smells great right now. Yeah, he backed up Joey. He's not a journalist. These writers have nothing to do to do so they're like how can we get hits let's talk about joey diaz Joey never would text message. Yeah. He can say whatever he wants. First of all, anybody who reads. And then you're not a Joey Diaz fan anyway.

2:51 95. Just stop. If you turn social justice, I'm fucking out. just trying to make a living just trying to choke a girl you know what that is it's it's also joey I don't know. That's the craziest podcast ever. It's going to be amazing. Callan's up there. Correct. You know, Callan, I murdered, murdered. I wish they would get rid of that stupid fucking piano on stage, though.

6:20 the people that are on the right side of the stage, like if you're facing the audience, Because he's a giant dude. It's a hindrance. And then do that. Look at him. DJs? He's got platinum records. I have one of them. Why not, man? Why not so Peters is legit DJ legit really like legit? Those like Tiesto guys. but I agree. those are the masters. See, he actually knows how to mix and scratch and all that shit.

9:20 First man to roast me on stage and it hurt my feelings. people love that kind of music, guys. I mean, obviously people I'm here to do ecstasy and listen to. Yeah, that's super old school. which is ridiculous, and made something like I know, I saw that. though. With a piece of cardboard underneath it? Oh, let's not watch this. There's a little bit of blood or some shit.

12:47 So his nose started spraying blood right in the middle of his lift. Got a little stomach thing going on. That guy just deadlifted 1,000 pounds. I saw a crazy one where a dude was doing this squat, and the bar couldn't handle the weight, And he was doing like a clean and his arms gave out and it dropped down on his neck and paralyzed him. Just fell down, body stopped moving.

14:20 where you're holding something over your head. Yeah. Yeah, you lose. He knows a lot of those CrossFit people. The name escapes me. Callum works at Venice Barbell Club. Deuces. Have you done a ton of Yeah, but I don't do it the way they do it. I typically do. You know where I bro. How about that? You want to go deep? I don't want anything to do with martial arts.

17:16 Just for a goof. You fly into the ground with magic. No, it'd be fun if you did it and you did one of them Aikido demonstrations. They try to throw you and you just kind of push their head down. Stop. They had to learn how to like the guys lunging at you literally with a ridiculous movement. that's an old school too. Yeah. You do a bunch of different workouts.

18:56 But you know what I like better? They made a beefed I was like, Jesus Christ, Joe. and do the row machine and i'll do eight rounds of 30 30 30 seconds on 30 seconds off and then i go I guarantee you. Yeah. shit i've been doing uh the thousand meter test on the row like i'll get done hitting bits of my Dude, it's nice to be able to just do it in your house.

21:33 I'm going to New York. What are you, like 20 cups a day or something? It's too much of everything. crazy yeah but fasting cardio is the way to go yeah i love it man i get addicted to it you know You will fuck up my entire workflow if I can't drink coffee. That's so crazy. Yeah. And then Marshall's barking. or I was worried, like, what if we run into a

23:27 out dogs die because it hits them on the nose and so you know it gets spread that's what i've heard That was the dog that I got from the pound. It was in the pound. Dog aggression. I mean, that dog was, she slept right by my bed. Or if it's a hot summer night, it's like, get out of here, man. There's good and bad. People need to understand. than working out for me to take a day. That's almost tougher to do than working out.

25:53 Your body starts thinking it's going to go. don't do shit because you're fighting something off. I'd rather do this. and there hasn't really been studies done on the sauna So the sauna can get, you know, my sauna, I'm all red like a lobster. He was there before everybody. Little beast. I don't think you can take that heat. You know what's weird is sometimes in the UFC, and you can feel this too,

28:24 What's going on here? had to calculate that. For sure focus on something All these thousands of If you have just a big-ass chunk of ice in the middle of everybody, it'll keep going. That's some Brazilian shit, man. I was drenched. Anderson, Damian Maia. Yep. Oh, it's some Jumanji shit out there. The point where you look at things, you go, what in the fuck is that?

30:45 What kind of shit is this? Is this a bad rock movie? Oh my god. like fucking they're super thick it feels good I know. No, no, no. injury right so after his knee injury then he just tried to get way back into shape way quick No, you definitely do. I know it's dirty and dangerous, but I don't care. That shit ain't right. Oh, a temporary, Hey, hey, hey, what is this, Jamie?

34:10 How the fuck did you find out? Have you ever seen anybody have calluses like this before, though? This is crazy, man. Jamie's got that bookmarked. Wouldn't you, like, think that the dog would get used to that smell? Dog's a goddamn horrible monster. It was awkward because me and Brian are super close. Like I know him as that Brian. My heart wanted you, Brian.

36:38 I don't know what's going on. It's like, do you ever get that feeling when you go back to high school? That's a normal thing. this isn't in my nature at all. like, man. Like, you got to get back up there and clean that up. It's one of the things that I've been saying to people about you. Like someone will have a joke and the joke doesn't do well but if it's not doing well and you keep doing it the same exact way.

39:23 I'm like, dude, that's brilliant, man. I'm like, dude, yeah, that makes sense. But I feel like, not in my, yeah, it feels nice. That motherfucker is nice with it. Yeah. I got emotional yesterday when he came in the room Now you're the number one guy in the world, Brian. He's number one, all I'm saying. Well, they're going to fight for sure. They're also the same size.

42:09 Twice. Because what he's doing, he's not knocking someone out with one head kick. You want to do pace? You want to brawl? That's for damn sure. It's just windmilling out. Then you got Brian Ortega, Max Holloway. He's on Tough helping DC, right, though? and do it. Are we fighting in the rain? You can't have it, though. The way he locks onto things, there's a finality to it.

45:20 arm bars, and his grips Just super high level. Yeah. Incredible. So where's the picnic? you know now after you knock out frankie egger like that you at least have to acknowledge the are you after four months? Are you ready to throw kicks though. Six weeks is what it takes What's that? Yeah. They used to do all these old people. many different things i've done when Since you told me that, I was

48:40 I fell once in Alaska. Just let it ride, bro.. Just let it ride, bro. here you go. This is what you always You've never, I mean, she got submitted by Tanya Avenger. Yeah, well, that was obviously the strategy. She doesn't have it? Big girl. she's taking too much you could see the ring rust was there and the nerves were there she just You're telling me you wouldn't watch her over CM Punk?

51:43 It shows you how good Holly is, too, because she went to get out the decision although she you know Holly was never really winning that been around, like way back in the Gino Carano fight, Captain of the team. He's all tatted up. and up and gina wands up on top of her look at gina doing work people forget how good that Cyborg's hitting her with some hammers.

53:35 Nine. She fell down again Hell yeah. But with Cyborg, a technician as cyborg however for let's say that's five rounds even three rounds over those It's horrific. No one wanted that. That's a really good fight. me one i'll take one you here you here it just doesn't work yeah who knows man that's interesting she's still the best. That she retained all the shit

56:52 That's true too. Terrifying. She's got Hulk legs. With the blood ass and the quads in the front. And I got a pterodactyl dick in between. They are a bird. A fucking seven-year-old. Yeah, Shred City for a while. 45. Dude, she's 6'4". Dude, she was hot when she was small. Like, that's her thing? Yeah, just protein powder seeping out of her goddamn eyes.

59:24 She's probably still 1,000 pounds. She's 200. Okay, maybe she's 195, but I'm not going any lower than that. I got a friend who was a bodybuilder, and she was busy because she would do a little bit of strains for some change and get oiled up. Look at that girl. Here's her. If I'm that chick, I'd fake like I get poked, too. Someone's got to bet. Yeah, there's no contest.

1:01:32 she would have to take cyborg down and cyborg would fuck her up so once you want to watch that She's just She's getting a little emotional, though. You see, Bellator brought CrowCrop back. Don't. The UFC decided to go down that USADA road, and they've committed to it. Just give him a little help. he's upset at me all this money back Yeah, it was on my show.

1:04:00 And I punched him in the face. in MMA. I think when you get a But what Merkel would do was have these big one shots, these big one kicks, these big When they're standing in kickboxing, they're more sideways. That's why Kevin Randleman cracked Krokop and knocked him out of that fight Same thing. his punches aren't as dangerous. He's going to. Sizzler.

1:06:50 Not in July. Ortega, Max Holloway. That would be one of the greatest cards of all time. Which one? If that happened, this is, by the way, I believe you and I were the first to speculate this publicly. And also, if you're Floyd, just looking at it from Floyd's perspective, all right, pay me this much money, which is a boatload of cash, Conor would beat up Floyd in CM Punk in the same night.

1:08:49 And then you're on that highlight reel. And you just walk towards him Way back, I agree. He weighs 145 legitimate pounds. That's the only problem with this fight that we're speculating is what weight are they going to fight at? You drain CM Punk down to 160, and he's fucksville. He does it smart and long No You're not going to hit him. That's not happening.

1:10:53 Yeah. I guess. Doesn't count. I played dodgeball he was like 13 or some shit? I guess. Guys do that. You all right? Oh, yeah. treatment right now so like he's he would be one of the first people I've heard of that is already getting treatment for what I guess they can tell now about potential. Here's this quote. I mean, extra cells I only know as being bad for cancer type stuff.

1:13:11 And he would also be in Columbus, which would be at Ohio State, I don't know. had to think about it. It's like He had plaque separation in his brain. Football's been around for so long. Alzheimer's disease. I hope I'm not fucking that up. The APOE 4 allele. Get that one. and having a career that you're happy with, high stress, high risk job and no, you're not. I think it's both.

1:17:26 But if you could find something you're into, it's definitely going to help you. And then they ask me for advice. Take some action. And when you're texting your friends going, hey, got any advice for me? I don't call people up and say, hey, man, what should I do? do that i'm super like but with myself i'm pretty reckless but with them i'm like no no no wait

1:19:20 He's got that same pump system that I use out there on my float tank. diamonds and shit. Diamonds on every finger. We were just sitting cage side. Francis. But you have to stay conscious long enough to wear him out before you take him down. Who's that? Oh, yeah, for sure. Nah. scariest man on earth yeah there was he was it time a special moment. He was the scariest man on earth

1:22:48 The awful fight. Ooh, like you're in fucking, what's the juice place? I don't know, man. He's more technical. However, Brock Lesnar would be an awful matchup for him. If he loses to Francis, he loses in a most terrifying way. it's not like he's going on a 10-year run here we're just HCT or HTC? You can't take that stuff. Yeah, when he retires. Steps out of the fucking house in Holland six months later.

1:25:30 it's not like a straight steroid it's it's you know guys use it to cut weight stuff like that I don't think the judges fucked this one up. Me, too. MMA's nowhere near as bad. And I'm a Wilder dick rider. What's her name? Judging. She was also a part of the Canelo Alvarez How did he win every round? But there was like a couple of split decisions that I was like, what in the actual fuck is this?

1:27:53 And if it's a bad decision and there's three people, most better methods is, one of the better methods who's been around the game. They don't need to be because I think the commentary can sway them. and they think, oh, he has a huge advantage. Ten people. 10, though? Ten. arbitrarily so weird it doesn't just arbitrarily. There it is. He could be. He's going to fight for the title.

1:30:57 Tough fight for Rockhold. 40 years old, son. I went, bullshit. You see him up close. I watched Kovalev beat up his friend But now with that Wilder Ortiz fight No punks. You have to take this fight. for anybody, which we're probably favored No. It's not knocking Ortiz. They get so mad at me. I don't respond. But you can't even right now you're responding. Well used to root for Joshua. I like both of them, man. You can't respond to those people. I don't respond.

1:34:15 This one, Ferguson, Tony Ferguson got mad that I put Khabib's hat on. I like Khabib. No doubt. Everybody keep it together. Yeah, what is the date? It has to happen. Dude. I bet you anything your boy Conor's there because his boy Artem Lobov's fighting, and Salty record at 14-14, but that's life. hard he's a you gotta watch your P's and Q's at all times I'm sure he's a great

1:36:59 These dudes, they were doing the exact kind of sparring that I fucking hate to see anyone do I'm going to send this to you, Jamie. I just sent it to you in a text message. And then walks away. No, he doesn't. Katera! It's awful. for you and it's not a good way to train you're not learning from that you're also going to break Especially at his level. We know you're tough, man.

1:39:32 I know. I only have so much time on my hands where Glory is not priority. when it was in its prime, but it's hard for me to get into Glory. And there's some amazing guys in there. I appreciate it. More than boxing. Yep. A good boxing match. Yeah. You'd rather watch I like knees. I like Muay Thai even more. More than boxing. That Wild Ortiz fight, man, one of the best I've ever seen.

1:40:29 That level. Damn, I will. Anytime, yeah. That makes my weekend, man. after-reactions combo? The first punch you can get away with. but it's also a natural counter to kick like that, I don't know. The bell rings, the dude throws a punch, and then another punch after the bell. Where am I? When a guy gets knocked out and just keeps saying, what happened?

1:42:55 What happened? Because there would be some interest in that fight. The last thing to go. It's just a fact. Yeah, he's like permanently fucked up. Is he not? Because it wouldn't make sense to come after the UFC if it was the hotel elevator. And when he dropped, a lot of them got fucked up. I don't know where it was. The courtroom's going to be like, hold up.

1:45:21 Panama. on people before, Why is the door open? You don't want to go out like that no i'd heard a story about a dude Fuck. His body fell into the second floor lobby. There had been many problems with the elevator, without a noggin after a farm and a failed attempt at slaughter axed off the head but missed the It's so strange to me. it had like bat wings.

1:48:37 as a possibility. yeah that one's furry it looks cute like a big old hamster that one looks cool science shit for the feathers but that's what they think because um they found some that have lizard that runs and guts you with its claws. Yeah. They're so big, too. I never heard of it. I was like, really? Those things are gangster, man. right above with his mouth open. Go large

1:52:11 Yeah. Look at these fucking teeth. They don't take movies away. happening for a hundred years yeah i mean and that was silent in the beginning right so there's Great movie. the way you think movies, yet there's not that many paid actors is there like it's a struggle city less than one percent Think how many comics there are? There's a million moving pieces million a million you got a track well

1:55:27 Gangs in New York? get into acting like man you need to sit in on a class or you need to watch someone do like a There's a reason why it's so goddamn tough. It's a good show, and it keeps getting better. That good? I like a good story. That's all there is. It is true. I saw one episode of The Wire. Well, I've seen half an episode of Sopranos. Number one. Well, that's a problem. You've never seen Wire, son. I saw one episode of The Wire.

1:57:41 I was like, boy, here we go. How often do you think Brian fully charges that car? No, I want him to get a yellow Viper and braces. I like the message. I know. What? That's a bitch move Turbocharged car. Because it's naturally aspirated. Slight lag. Dude, how the fuck have you not been on comedians in cars getting coffee? I can't believe you're new Porsche.

2:00:23 It's 1991. That's one of the weird things about it when you're around it. There's more of them now than there have been before. It's just these weird phases well Well, his style, that's another level more raw than what I'm dealing with. They weigh like 2,000 pounds. Super light. but they're taking the Porsche logo off, put a Singer one on now. I think they liked it before he started making it the Singer.

2:02:30 Well, now he has a new one that starts at $1.5 million. It's got giant fender There's not enough cars in the world for me. And it's a, I mean, it's not all men. I mean, I've had, yeah, he's walking around the gym. But this, I mean, some men don't get into it, but it's so universal with men. There's guys who are, like, those track guys, and I'm just, like, a road guy, fun-driving car,

2:04:22 make your dick singer pors Porsche 964 DLS. I always felt like they're classic. That's the only reason I bought my car, because of the ducktail. It's orange. $1.6 million. A little too flex on them? I mean, you got a freaking, What's the matter? Got any comedy dates coming up? I'm in Florida, Tampa the 22nd Brendonshop. Blowing the fuck up!