Joe Rogan Experience #10056 — Brendan Schaub Transcript

Transcript

0:00 record my phone calls nothing to hide Yeah, it's Fong from Plasticel. so they found out that we were listening no they could just be going i mean maybe that but like I touched something. They're so weird. But the thing that Adam said, he said, he goes, man, I never fucking googled toyota trucks is that a good uh that's pretty good not really not bad

2:37 Yeah. But that seems normal. They're just trying to get you. Yeah. I didn't know that I posted on my story because some dude was like, Well, it's also that's the only way they make it. But there's a lot of other cars you can get. and the PDK smoked this dude, the guy with the stick shift, smoked him. I don't give I want that in a car now. side pipes it's a stick shift big old hearst fucking cue ball on the top yeah yeah that's

6:12 Look at that one right there. Just to compete, man. So they can say, hey, this competes with, you know. With all the carbon fiber, that thing's a fucking rocket. Three seconds, 60. No. know mid three second zero to sixty yeah i bet it's uh 3900 pounds google uh g53 uh gt350r 3,700 pounds. Well, that's the thing. It's effortless, the way it handles and maneuvers.

8:44 Stop. I'm not Vin Diesel. like what about that what do you think of pizza gate I can't fuck with them. I don't care how fucking fast it goes. should be like you and joe should i get a porsche i'm, should I be like you? Not for you, man. Really? But if he wants to be manly, why would he get a car that doesn't make any noise? It was an old school one with a carburetor and shit.

11:35 Yeah. He decided he was a wild man. Just out there on the freak prowl. It's going to rival the Roadster. What? Let us try. her to sit in the back seat and rub my neck nah kick rocks bitch get an uber meet you there this thing doesn't have a back seat though i one pulled up to me uh the other night was like revving this engine like dude we're not The old ones are real little.

14:26 Yeah, a little bit. don't give a fuck about the mclaren they're yanking on the fucking side mares there's also I was like, come on, McLaren, you're a little pride, huh? Oh, my God. economy there uh one of the drivers was telling me he's like yeah oil's just not what it's you should be in electric it's having an effect yeah but the question is how much of an effect

16:56 and there's definitely an impact. And then you got the other people that say, no, we're just going to be able to move it in northern they're they're Then I fly in and I was like, oh, shit. everybody except for me and my brother and guess what we couldn't get any masks because they're Was it paradise? And then there's like, I don't know, like a wooden horse.

20:05 the, the, Whoa, Don't you think? There's a car in the driveway. nothing left everything's burnt to the ground but it's amazing those trees are still standing Crazy? How the fuck does a bridge burn down to steel? What the fuck do those people do now? And also the house insurance on a fire area, they're not going to do it these days. like when Burr and I were

23:07 I don't know what you're talking about, though. one of them one of the houses they were living in and the other house they were building and they They're probably $50 million houses. No, he's great. Yeah. We're having a good fucking time. We're howling me and him he's hilarious and we're buildings those are all helicopter pads landing pads huh yeah and some of them are real narrow

25:52 Yeah, he flies. It really does. Helicopter. Is he really? You're just like- There's dragons, assholes. Scroll down. I'm not going to risk lives. Dude. like joking around. I've never seen a grown man You know what? This is kind of halt. Korean teenager girl? Yep, exactly. hand backward. I would do it. other than fly planes. He's a whole nother level.

30:36 And then he was in the OR and I was in there before he went on and there's, I mean, there No, that's what I mean. Even though he's super duper ridiculous famous, he handles it like he's not. And they get there with that camera. It's like in their head, if they don't grab him right now, as he was asking he's came in to take a picture with you and just like in between us like i'm

33:06 He assumes Jesus is taking care of him. He was just like this mob. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah, I can walk through an airport. Yeah. LAX, he laughs. He laughs like that's the best joke he's heard like you bring up lax or tom cruise what the fuck come on bro well we flew over his jet you know i'm saying and they're just making horrible life decisions like that's the same

35:54 podcasting is a weird thing right it's like what are we doing we're just talking like fuck this guy i'm gonna paint shop with a big old dick in his mouth. But you'd never get that if there weren't podcasts. If you fuck up, it's your fuck up. I don't want to say shit. For sure, let me or Joe design your shirts. like i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings it's just like to me it's a it's a it's a game right you know and then but when you think about like he he might have to deal with it in the office

39:11 He worked for the UFC and he brought USADA in. hand in hand with USADA not as an that's it yeah that's when he's good at his job lance armstrong right yeah every time i talk to I think so, too. They made those people rat on him. with a head kick he's the most ultra competitive guy in the world and it shows in training shows to fight Max next. That's a tough one.

42:13 Jacked. Yeah, I don't know if he's going to make the weight. That's why they made him fight at 135 for a while. Look at him. What is he, 5'2"? 5'2", 5'3". Do you ever see what they do? And then you crank it a little bit every day. So it's an ego thing? Fuck that hoe. Let me see what it says there. But how fucking damaging is that? the trend well maybe if you wanted to really play football the trend for ling ling limb

45:52 get a fucking 650 leg lengthening procedures in west palm beach florida It's one of the few psychiatric disorders that you can actually cure with the knife, says the surgeon. very gradually one millimeter a day new living bone grows along it to fill the gap and muscles Yeah, I was just thinking that. it's like the thickness of a shorter one but now it's long it's probably more vulnerable safe like

48:10 not a ton though dick community no it's life You're going to get a virus, bro. You're going to get a virus. Every porn site. get a bigger cock so that's the thing you get a virus every porn site there's the pumps there's a pump the thing is you like if you everybody Like from Austin Powers? matt damon was like how do you stay hard? Oh, that's right.

49:54 There's a scene where, spoiler alert, there's a scene where he's in a Speedo and Michael Like, what if they offered you the big brown boom boom room? Like a Britney Spears type deal. Well, I was on the ultimate fighter there for eight weeks. i think the move is to live in like henderson or something like that like by red rocks yeah And I'd live in LA and just fly out there on Fridays.

52:16 Well, was he doing that a lot? Just because of your past experience. Dice had a residency there for a while. What do you like to do? Amazing places to work out. like if if i didn't work for the ufc i would love to go there and just cover the weigh-ins as a spectator. Like, what? Not for me. I do enjoy it, though. It was way too many. maybe he didn't get his fair shot i think he's one of the best commentators in the world but it never felt right maybe because he wasn't he didn't get

55:50 I wonder if he could do play-by-play, you know, like the ones that Anik doesn't want to do. He's really good. DC's so loose, too. That's natural. Not happening. We're going to pay you this much to fight this monster. and this is what you would get. Who knows how much he made? let you listen to it me and him couldn't be more opposite yeah yeah you got a gold watch

58:50 I don't need to do all that work. like oh i need to have x amount of money in the, so I'm not going to do this very much longer. I'm not saying retiring. I don't think I'd ever get depressed. and i do them as much as i can i would i mean i have so many different things whether it's doing well i don't know it's probably something i need to talk someone about but i don't know

1:01:25 I talk for a living. I didn't need to do that. Like his podcast by himself is really good. It's some crazy shit. yeah i'm because he called me he says i look like i got stung by a bunch of bees because i'm like Every month, it builds. aunts, and we roast them. Or someone sent a picture of their aunt from the 1950s. Talking about somebody's fucking aunt that someone's old on.

1:03:51 No, with Brian Daly where it's kind of like my fantasy land. ah it's two on the you know i'm very fashion conscious though oh dude that stuff would drive he wears vegan pants what does that mean there's just some bullshit pants like That drives you nuts? With a pair of Adidas socks Do you come from the same I don't know There's like a word When you fucked up Dumbass Yeah there's like an early it mismatched ah like perp perp and maybe i don't know there's like there's

1:06:34 Do you have a preference between Burger King and McDonald's? They're right next to each other. Square? I'm not worried about shapes. You're the straightest fashion conscious guy I know. I went through constantly thinking, constantly thinking, what am I going to do? that'll work yeah excited yeah i can't wait man that's fucking awesome yeah i've never been more

1:08:14 Yeah, ESPN Plus. It's going to take a little while for people to get used to that. If you want to live on a ranch. Well, you can if you really want to be you know balling Gregor Gillespie versus Yancy Medeiros. Well, is it bullshit? Well, Alan Crowder. He calls himself the Prince of War? Absolutely do not Like the athletes Like Gregor the Gift Gillespie

1:10:50 Yeah he's a good fisherman Yeah I guess you say Roberson. He hurt his foot in his last fight, like early on, They're better looking than the ring card girls. I'd risk it all for that girl. Get your fucking people on this website. She's fatter than me. It's disturbing. Turns out she didn't have a broken orbital bone. It's awful. Move him to the next card. I think

1:14:27 They kept showing it over and over again in the promos. This one's a little different, like throwing a dolly through the window with other professional I'm not hyping it. Probably not. Cowboy. Yeah, well, this is his first. What? He fought Obam Mercier. opportunity he's a young line man yeah he's yeah he's got real future championship potential and

1:16:37 I mean, if you look at his last powerful guy. Oh, for sure. At 13 And came in there But he Damn. And he's good in all areas. It's amazing. But why not? up again i love combat sports but it's like i'm not gonna jump to my couch to watch kickboxing Oh, Fedor. Is it next weekend? I've been to two. But he's very smooth, man. He goes on to win this fight, I'm pretty sure.

1:20:14 yeah he has a special talent oh my god he's got some rubber arms look at his arm his arm looks See the way his wrist is? Dude, he's safe. so he can escape. When you do all that and he's still there, look at him beating his ass. You really can, and guys have. Yeah. T-City. Sanhagen. Young. Amazing. And I'm pretty sure, defending himself like look at his the way he's what he's doing it's almost like he's confused

1:23:53 Yep, knowing better. So it goes ESPN+, then you got to jump to regular espn to watch cowboy then you gotta jump back I think you can. Yeah. For Cain. Anytime I see Francis fighting, i'm nervous for his opponent He's a motherfucker though, man. I think Fedor's the best heavyweight of all time in terms of what he's accomplished. Because Brett Rogers kind of took a little bit out of that.

1:26:31 oh my god hit him with that right hand that right hand was redonkulous though i think yeah it's it's in a way that looked like you were drowning. third fight the second one too yeah the second one too but both of. Yeah, the second one, too. Both of them, they just- And then JDS, Stipe. Yeah. They leave a piece of themselves in that octagon. You're getting hit in the head that much.

1:28:34 stipe's the best when it was cane during his era he was the best right fedor was the best it's hard Well, he's being really active on social media trying to, but it doesn't seem like there's We know that. but not right now. Not so soon. Yeah. He says that. Or he connects. which is more incredible, I don't think Lesnar's fighting. and I'm a Brock Lesnar fan.

1:30:56 But when you talk about Jon Jones, I think it's there's so much heavyweight because DC does have some advantages at heavyweight, though, I think that's why John's kind of like, I'll fight him. It has to be at light heavyweight because DC does have some advantages that it fucks with his cardio, his conditioning. Is that true, though, Joe? Super skinny.

1:32:32 Like being shredded Well he starched Let him eat whatever the fuck he wants, and he's not weakened. I just don't think it's in uh That's what I hope. about doing it so that it never and I get that and take that from him It's hard to sell a trilogy at light heavyweight. Boom. And that's what's going to happen. He's not going to retire in March. Well, if it's current him, he ain't passing any tests.

1:35:56 Like, look up Brock Lesnar lean. He's so big Pat Bayer's telling us he used to train with Brock Good now that's old dude you ever hear about the story uh pat bears telling us And some dude was like, no, let's do get a picture. That's what reminds me of it. I just don't see him fighting again. You know, Pico-Grams, no Pico-Grams. how about the test results for lesnar showed up then went away on their website and they're like

1:38:26 Maybe. Is Mark suing him? his test just doesn't show up. Okay, but wait a minute. Picograms is a unit of measurement. Okay. Anovar in his system. He doesn't need this stuff. Of the dick pills So if it's clenbuterol. Correct. It had it in it. and it wasn't in his body before, which is a metabolite, Yeah. Unless you're John john then no one can on how guys are getting away with passing drug tests.

1:44:26 He also drove Again, to play devil's advocate, I'm not accusing You're talking about the one test? And this has not been done on any peer-reviewed tests outside of his research. Fill you up with dick pills. I'm not accusing John of anything. Cheated during that time. And that's what Nowitzki believed. I think we know as much as we're going to know, unless John comes out.

1:48:44 You got to be careful with that. You gotta be careful with that. I don't think you can do that. It's too much smoke here for me. he had it in his system. Yeah, but it doesn't mean you should have it in your Are you shitting me? Fuck fucking yeah i think so the the the drugs and and those in that underworld is always ahead of the more of it in his system.

1:50:39 No, this is the thing they're doing. it's tainting guy's legacy you look at josh barnett you look at frank mayor you know josh And that's crazy and good for them so that they they got fake piss do you and you think I think it's part of every professional sport it's definitely part of sports Well, they say that micro dosing actual testosterone is more effective because microdosing actual testosterone doesn't produce

1:53:57 I don't know I forget everyone at the table was like fuck that game like why he's awesome And went, fuck this noise. he's like bleaching yourself with just straight up lotion do you think he has spots on his back it looks like he's wearing makeup doesn't look good he looks like a goddamn dick tracy character I mean, that's like Joey Diaz's skin color

1:56:03 The earlobes are freaking me out yeah the comedy story oh my god I'm telling you he fucked sweating and my i'm telling you the next morning i woke up i'm like did i get punched in the ribs I gotta wrap this up. See what he says about them. You'd be surprised. Then you've been banging it out, man. I'm excited.