Joe Rogan Experience #1010001 — Adam Carolla Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. done this fucking thing. I might not have been your podcast, and realizing how a 40 gallon air compressor there and i said that's the granddaddy of them all and he went and I'm very impressed by that large compressor. I prefer the option to pump my own gas. That is a weird one, isn't it? in your zip code right because of credit card fraud Then there's the slightly nicer neighborhood where you just swipe your credit card,

4:04 who's going to let you pump your gas and then you can pay him. Just a week or so ago. It has a little camera in it that reads you typing in your number. doctors are going to run into and of syndrome that doctors are going to run into Oh, this is heavy. We've talked about that. If I sign something, I'm just writing some fucking motion. So, I mean, who's going to question it?

7:07 He's waiting for you, and he's like, big fan, big fan, big fan. I usually, I'll tell you what happened. pay 20 bucks for parking and they wait for adam carolla to come walking up terminal whatever Something like that. And always looking for a Steve Martin. It's bordering on cute. I, I, one of the most uncomfortable And I don't know how it works. And like, you know, the Tommy was sort of, you know, dug out eating hot wings or something like that's up on the Loge level.

11:06 And then his mom shows up like 10 minutes later. wanting to crawl out of my urethra You start leaning a little. Uh-huh. But I'm trying to discover the I'm not really listening. You start leaning a little. She's like, please. Take your son somewhere. Is he not dead? but that guy has probably been bugged for autographs non-stop for 50 years and i bet he's

12:57 that just looked like him? Yeah, it's a 6'4 black Like you guys already were blessed Imagine his agent. against the guy who wrote Well, you should have got me started. How could I not know his name? Salman Rushdie. pilgrimage, spirituality Mormon, raised a Mormon. I had a joke that I was doing in my act where the reason why Mormons are alone time they spend with you.

15:50 Oh, my God. Again, this is more just stone talk. And we will go up and down the line to everyone who enters the race, every race, and we'll pick one car and we'll put it in the cruncher. wouldn't enter the boxing competition and stops in front of one dude and goes, I thought you were going to say cock. Did you hang out with Jay Leno too much? like, oh, Tommy Lee was banging on pots and pans

19:32 And I always lived in the valley and had shitty parents with no money like being really really into like you know uh high high-end strippers but working at an Arby's And that's where I'm at now. the hardcore blogger guys who are really deep into this world, the Top Gear world, they're oh, it's every bit as good as the UK one. It was for NBC, and it was right at the time that GM and Chrysler and two of the big three, maybe it was Chrysler and GM, were heading to Congress trying to get money from Congress to stay afloat.

21:53 then I got another They're like, oh, good news. See, that's one of the beautiful things about the podcast is that it's so difficult to fucking develop a show. And it's so difficult. the vision of the artist yeah a hundred percent as i've always said what piece of art whether it and listen, I'm not speaking as a bitter whoever. Now. explaining to people how to be funny and what is funny is not going to create a better product and

24:53 What's going on? What'd you do, stand up all through college? Bob Hope bits sometimes you're talking to like 29 year old chicks who right fucking haven't heard of all funny? Like talking about Top Gear, like Jeremy Clarkson's one of my favorite. I love that guy. I have my stuff figured out. I don't know if he has You know what I mean? It's because when he's driving and he's having this visceral experience and he starts sliding in a corner and he yells, you know, this thing's smoother than the Queen Mother's rear end.

28:30 When he reviewed the Corvette ZR1, and he's sliding sideways down this road, and he's screaming, turbo on it, probably had 900 horsepower. said that the reason why Mexico doesn't have So sorry, Mr. Coogan. mean a newscaster you know politician clergyman there there's clergyman. Go after the bankers. Because, you know, Coogan going after Jeremy Clarkson.

30:43 He's a good joke writer. And thus, you're pissed off about it. No one can enjoy it. Well, listen, you know, Andrew Dice Clay did the same thing. And then, you know, everywhere he goes, he's wearing weightlifting gloves and leather jackets and shit. uh, And then it starts and then starts to wax nostalgic about it. Kiss went unmasked. And it was with the woman

33:28 I mean, Sally. No, not De Angelo. Catherine Bach. this is Daisy Duke right here. And I'm like'm like oh you're signing autographs she goes 25 Remember that? Bach. amazing how the booze really jacks you those little freckles weren't there as much anymore when you were in junior high, And now there you are, a little peckerwood in new jersey in seventh grade and you're now you're at

36:39 He's 23, 22, 23 years of age. Okay. you would have sold your fucking soul well, then obviously you guys crossed. Yeah? But she looks great. Yeah, the Catherine Bach thing, it all depends on how much Catherine Bach took care of herself, Once Fear Factor happened, I had her. There's nothing stranger than watching a woman go from being beautiful It's super celebrity power.

39:14 you're amazing, you've changed thing that defines them, and then Just some crazy bitch. especially if they go down the surgery Well, also, you guys are going through historically a bad phase because your mother didn't have to worry about plastic surgery because it didn't really exist. that works so effectively you can't tell. essentially it's the 50-year experimental phase

41:31 And coming to these awesome conclusions, you know? And I said, I don't know. come to great conclusions like i don't know uh how you generate material or if any of this stuff you've I did that. because I've tried it And they're like, you get a better guy, Because it's fucking awesome, all right? Absolutely true. Or when someone says you hate women. the other thing that drives me insane about

44:25 were beaked out of their mind on uppers and that's why and steroids and steroids and everything else Just because you're driving around with police scanners and armor-piercing bullets and ski And when they got out, they gave them back a lot of their police scanners and a lot of They don't have to catch you distributing. And that's your fucking business.

47:01 And this fucking idiot was like, man, you couldn't do that shit to me. Here's the money. as long as you have a medical recommendation. Wow, what a douchebag Hamid is. Oh, yeah. Good zombie show. statistics but about five years ago this country spent more on pot eradication than it did on meth. out there when it comes to drugs. And one of the things they do, and this is a common thing in the

50:12 Wow. say anything because he doesn't want the cops coming after him he had a fucking move he had a It wasn't raging or anything. his hannity and combs or whatever the fuck was on at 10 o'clock and it's like what the fuck i've The mountains, when I was living in Colorado, it was kind of interesting Everybody was a quarter mile walking distance from each other.

52:54 And we fucking started looking at houses in Boulder again. And then behind her, there's some other dogs There's too much. You have to be so fucking compatible and so cool. You know, when I tried it, I was 21 and the girl was 20 and we were both poor and we're both working. before that. I'm sure she probably thought Square footage and two Tevas. That makes, man, when you're around everybody all the time.

55:17 you biting your nail, they go, he's biting his nail. It wouldn't be a big deal. But you live When I'm at hotels. because really on the walls. You literally throw it. You don't blow it. Some poor lady from Guatemala is going to clean your loads off of fucking photos. and you're in the south, you're in the deep south, I think you deserve more. Snowballed, kind of.

57:35 Came in her mouth. get me wrong but what i mean is is the other dudes jizz on you i i feel like not enough is You are comingling loads here. Right. You know, I think it takes a lot to be a male porn star. And I was like, I don't want to say say these names but i was talking to this one guy and he goes uh i was asking have you ever met this is he sawing shit no people go wow that's pretty badass guy makes his own cabinets that's pretty

59:35 You know, like, what is that? You're back. We don't have small fans. He's an artist from the late 1800s to early 1900s. I just got obsessed with this guy. It's very like different supplements for But all the people that are taking it, we've compounded all the best nootropics, put it together, Dreams? My dreams are never... And then, but you never fuck her.

1:03:05 So I have these dreams that don't set me up. This is like renting an action movie for dreams. Your nicotine receptors in your head stay awake Like you essentially put it into six gear. I highly recommend it, though. Yeah. Of dreams. tobacco in itself good for your heart that have allowed these people to put 599 Strong. like all day slow drip thing that just keeps you at a constant buzz.

1:06:49 You're sitting right across the aisle, and you're like, I'm so glad I got out of California. just sort of am i'm just an atheist who is you know i i have the things that i enjoy i have the And I try to maximize whatever I can maximize But they can pay for some of it, too. was done? I know you were real frustrated by your whole experience doing that radio show.

1:09:00 Two and a half years ago, man. I was doing too many different things at the time, but I was like, wow, this was so much fun. still think they're playing top 40 gaga stuff but who you know who cares one or the other both mind toward the end. And I would always get bonuses in Vegas and Seattle and always like aren't you pissed off fuck no it's their it's their job they paid me i had a contract

1:11:50 So they were going to flip it. the air going, fuck this station. Fuck Jack Silver. Fuck these cocksuckers. These fucking guys, about shit to do over the summer and stuff like that and so it was really weird having these So that was the end of that. who come into the motel six to enjoy shortly after you vacate your room you sick fuck but it's still And I said, well, how much?

1:15:23 Wow. is it's in my house i'm not some fucking weirdo off the internet that's why i met this guy right before they are what they are. city for nothing and inspectors and plan inspect, you know, plan inspection and all that kind of stuff. There's no shape to it. But it's still like it's wide open. Heavy. But let me just form the best way I can form today.

1:18:49 And then eventually we figured out how to do it the way we're doing it now. in like fucking 10 plus years and killed. doesn't make any sense to me because you're funny and you like to rant on things like you just Really? That's interesting. And the answer is for the money, I'm going out to, I mean, sad, but it's true it's not sad Yes. balls around, and then someone teaches you how to choke somebody, and you're like, wow,

1:22:49 You're right. 40s, which is insane because everyone that's amazing well are you writing this stuff down or are you just these are just rants that I never do my set the exact same way every time either. and then eventually get to the planned opening. You want to get everyone on your side and just get that first 20, for me, 20, 25 minutes. And they're used to going up and doing 10, 15-minute sets when there's a host and a bunch of other people in the show. I'm like, this is a different experience, man.

1:26:11 Then smooth sailing. There's a video. in and of itself could be a television show. he does i mean stand-up wise material wise my favorite guy is stanhope i think stanhope is Like Bob Hope's grandson is doing He literally is that guy. bomb rants and they're fucking awesome i mean his stand-up to me, his material to me, as a fan, is my favorite to watch.

1:29:07 But I really enjoy... because he throws away his whole act every year. dicks joke but for the most part this guy's got 90 new fucking minutes every 12 months you know followed stand-up. Really? Why don't Top Gear, why don't they fucking snatch you up? That's hilarious. Wow. Oh, it happens. It could have very easily been that SNL did it, that those writers did it.

1:32:08 and you say it to a comedian, five minutes of my act to host SNL? you're that much into it Right. Has Dr. Drew ever an addiction and And it's like essentially if your wife says I'm going to leave you, That's a possibility as well. That was pool. I was playing pool 8 to 10 hours gambling and there's money on the line. And then it's about tournaments. And then, you know, you get

1:35:11 but I've been there. Play the old, yeah so the first thing a set somewhere I'm going to go enter a pool tournament. of classic Johnny Archer versus Earl Strickland matches from the early 90s. Everyone's just stuck with felt. You do. But thank you very much for doing the podcast, man. considered. You're a very unique cat, man. Is this a live podcast show or stand-up?

1:37:46 What day is that? was it because there's so much shit going on here? And it's like the Moore sellout on a Sunday night without really burning too many calories. adamcrow.com go to adamcrow.com but uh yeah but see for me it's my hometown i'm from la so it and it's half full house. Let's not exercise any of them on the 21st. That is Saturday the 21st.