Joe Rogan Experience #1023 — Christina P Transcript

Transcript

0:00 He's, what is he, 50 now? OMG! It's silly. I know. It's just stupid. we serve a demographic like, do you know and he's like i'm a mommy and i was like this is fucking awesome like this is these you're doing other stuff. Video stuff? Oh, right. Throwed Zilla. And I was like texting him like, don't forget your family. But yeah, it's been a great show.

2:54 You know, maybe 30 probably, but some of them are really good. But then you came up with the idea to have the challenge. These are jokes, folks. And the Ari's and Welcher stuff, that stuff is bullshit. game. No. Do they do really good at throwing the ball in the hole? No, I get so bored. And making the stupid jokes. Those fucking white guys that do the fucking game they just watched for two more hours. Yeah, what? And making the stupid jokes.

5:22 Yeah, I'll do a bad... Probably a nice guy. She's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Well, you watch it to figure out what to do in certain situations, which seems ridiculous. these indoor ones they have woman austin bro you get on a surfboard and you you can go on it for Like I was talking to guys that have, look at that. Just kidding, buddy. weird muscles

7:36 when I first started your ankles you mean So now were you a huge fan of hot yoga before you came up with this challenge? Yes. Yeah. And she's like one of my favorite people. Stroke, heart attack, cancer, everything. So it's not like it's coming out of a wet shirt. It's just pouring off my body, drip, drip, drip, drip, just squeezing all the water out of

10:21 If you can get a sauna near your house. That's so crazy. She says, my trainer, I take Pilates. oh that sounds like some New Age heavy bullshit right so then I started looking Maynard Keenan? like wheat that people used to grow, like way back in the early days, was much more low yield. Right. Oh yeah. You know, I don't even eat pasta. I haven't had it in like a year. Like, you know,

13:28 I still eat it. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, yeah. That's the next. They shouldn't be yellow. They're nasty. Yeah, they're nasty little figures.'re nasty little nasty shit but it's such a good deal like you give them food you let them You're like, dude, you're so nasty. He sleeps in his dog bed. He's got a sweet little setup. They're awesome. Like he just comes.

15:46 Yeah. Like the pool's there. Yeah, they're great. They always want to snuggle. Of course. You're nice. And they're stoked to see you all the time. That's a therapy problem. Yeah. I see her on Instagram. Like one of the smartest people I've ever met. Tell me. Oh, wow. success there's some of them, like some of them, But, you know, you hang with Ron, he's like,

18:58 Like, how do you stay normal? You're super successful. Super intense pressure on the line when you have to execute a shot on a living creature. Very domestic. Yeah. There's no, who gives a shit? There's no results that need to happen with you in bow hunting. If they happen, great. If not, whatever. But it's for the enjoyment of the activity versus As opposed to like if you're some mega celebrity superstar comedian that sells out giant arenas.

21:09 Complacency. I'm sure you must have spent a lot of time combing. So much. Yeah. and each bit has gone through when someone comes to see you they're like we're gonna go see christina no matter how Ah, shit. that do stuff that you're sucking at too yeah do the baking do the the hot yoga do pilates Working my core. All those muscles that keep your discs from compressing.

24:03 Yeah. And the baby comes out it's brutal. Am I the best at this you've ever seen? So dependent upon your ideas, so dependent upon creativity that one of the best ways for me to have other thoughts other than like just my immediate act and doing shows and travel. Live a life and do stuff that's fucking hard. I've been doing it for 14 years before I got this first special,

26:02 because you're, like, a feature act, That guy didn't even start doing stand up to. He looked like shit just a few years ago. I'm eating gummy bears, man. Yeah. He used to live with cowboy boots on. That's true. It's just fucking sugar. Caveman coffee. I tell her. I was almost gonna show it to you. And we had everything stacked up, but we were putting bags away.

29:28 Well, that's the problem is that our son has two comics for parents. hey, buddy. So we got to come up with the word. It's not dirty. I did both, man. I did a little formula, breasts. As far as being a woman in society, like societally, it's not that great. Yeah. i think it's just a lack of quality i think when someone like you comes along And I always am so thankful.

32:32 I was fucking just like, I just want to be good at this. Like, what are you talking about? Well, I think the beautiful thing about stand up is that there is a very, especially today, LA has a very good sense of community. One of the best. He's vegan. It's a lack of vitamins for sure because he doesn't eat well. He doesn't make sure that he has a complete balanced amino acid profile to his foods.

35:09 He knows where it came from. Yeah, I am. It's fucking amazing. It's going to be a good time. Can't wait. I'm very excited. And he made a decision for his health and then along the way started examining the moral consequences of factory farming and yeah We've been friends since Who's also one of the best comics alive. And they get distracted by other people's work.

37:20 I love him. Uh, And then I, And then all of a sudden your thing is done and you're behind And he was like, this is the best job I could ever hope for. Being on a sitcom did that to me for sure. and I went up late at the comedy store and I realized, like, I gotta get back on the horse. asked me like well what do you want to do christina what do you want to do and i was like i'm kind of

40:17 Just don't do it every show. producer the creator of the show he was a genius and one of the things that was brilliant about him One of the things you do you do a run-through, so you do a table read where you go down everybody sits down And then, you know, he'll like come up with like a whole new scenario to get this point So if you see that show, like maybe 40 percent of the scenes at least were

42:59 And he was so good at playing that character that they would just nail his character. Fuck, crazy. Like, that's awesome, dude. you know and you're like you gotta give me more money and my social media, like, that's a business. You should be compensated for that. Yeah. You know who was great at that, though? article that said that Dane had 250,000 MySpace followers. And I was like, what?

45:31 I've got so many friends I don't even fucking know. Facebook took its place, right? Taylor Swift. not normal people. Like, this is MySpace. She's a musician. Who the fuck are these people? Did you take funny comedy pictures ever in the beginning of your career? Oh, the wackiest. Yeah. I took to see him. Oh. I'd be super upset if he didn't shave his head. Did you take funny comedy pictures ever in the beginning of your career?

47:21 Did you ever do that? It's so embarrassing. People keep saying, hey, will you sign a picture for somebody? I have no idea. Yeah, you don't need to have my name at the bottom of it. old guard. That's so true. And they would send it out to all the industry. Like, holy shit. And you would think about, oh, my God, I could do two colleges on a weekend and make $4,000 of college or $2,000 of college. Like, holy shit.

49:42 Otherwise, you're not going to get on The Tonight Show. He would shit on the fact that you had to swear you broke the fuck meter And I was like, well, what about, like, the Like, this is not good advice. you could be just a a person i don't think so right now but but why do you think that because They look at something that's already been carved out.

51:51 Right. but I think too it's easier for the audience to identify a woman as Uh, I wasn't going to fucking go fucking go with this no i know what you're or very asexual Oh, that's right. I wonder if she makes a face. I think it's the people that are super one-way, publicly, maybe privately. Like, you know where you stand with Joey Diaz. If you're not addressing the darkness, the darkness comes out elsewhere right the darkness the darkness comes out of places yeah like i always wonder

55:48 Bill Cosby drugs people. Is that true? Raping. the creepiest fucking things a human can do to another human. Like that really might be the case. Get all funny. Which is even more fucked up. Oof. Right? would be the type of guy he is yeah which is what's fucked up suicide threat prompts police you know, he sounds like an addict. on his collar You guys are all great.

59:38 Coke and caviar and suck my dick. Yeah, come over here, you nasty fuck. Right. Well, that's what prostitution is, right? It has to be love. It's not prostitution if someone cooks for you. Yes, of course. I rub my head. For sure. We're retarded. to get taxes from people that are prostitutes it's like no no no no no no none of that all argument is with illegal drugs.

1:03:07 That's so fucked up. How many women said yes? knocked a lot of balls out of the park, I just wasn't connecting. How many girls read the story when it broke and could still taste the asparagus caviar He's nasty. It's just so fucking weird. You know, like, it's so. Take it. So, if you're not, like, Jerk off first, making agreements with myself yeah she's annoying but she's gonna let me have sex with her so

1:06:42 And before we went out, before i went to go get her well, I love her. She's really cool. And why do you love her? Because she smells good. Because You clear out the testosterone and now you can just think clearly. And there was like some other celebrity to his right. And you're doing coke together. Yeah, look at that. dude. I'm just imagining that.

1:09:29 It was one of the articles that I read today. Who knows? And that's the anger, right? I've got a proposal. What about Coke and caviar? sexed them because he don't want to get anyone pregnant so like that's what i read and what is pregnancies. Wow. athletes that girls put holes in the a condom, like Wild. this is it? I gotta go see that episode So it's like, it's an option for them

1:13:28 like some of them were like older playmates. what am I going to do in five years? They have this sort of opening into this world. Everybody's high as fuck. No, they rent out the use of the mansion. I don't know if they actually let people in the grotto when I was there. And you know he wasn't going to put money into renovating that shit because he was old.

1:15:36 Once the internet happened and you can get pornography for free. What are you talking about? Yeah, okay, who cares? that they let them look at titty mags? and a lot of those bases, Right. And I'm not excusing anyone for sexual assault, but I'm saying, like, the world that you're living in at home and then you're in Afghanistan as some sort of a parole deal?

1:17:28 But it's kind of good, though. coming out of active battle and they're just so whacked out. Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. And one of the things that is a part of that is that you get impulsive and you do irrational things, thoughtless things, almost like you can't help yourself. Of course. do it again i was so it's just so it's so nutty you're right and it's boys it's like 19 year old

1:19:43 times of war and what happens to, um, soldiers, the camaraderie that they share together. I would imagine, too, that high stakes. Elevator music. people, a lot of those people are listening to this right now. And one of the things about podcasts I don't know. Like you make canned foods? You just had to have an attorney say that you were. right now now you need to get a certification yeah i'm a minister you are yeah i'm an ordained

1:23:11 Married them. That's good. But now at 41, I'm 41 and I'm like, I feel like I'm knocking on death's door. You don't get many great years, right? It's a necessity. Yeah. a six pack. You don't have to do that, but you should devote a certain amount of time per week changed your life. Uh, it's a lot of responsibility, but, uh, but yeah, I don't fucking like Pilates.

1:26:32 You know what? Oh, yeah. Yeah. From YouTube. English Bulldog mix he's got a lot of hair and when I would wash him in the shower I would pull That eats away your pipes, right? Oh, yeah. You have to have an apprenticeship. It's such a good skill, though. But you'd be so tired. Yeah. And I was on Chelsea Lately at the same time. Yes. That's the new thing. yes no is it vice versa too the cub scouts are gonna join the girl scouts i don't think any boys are gonna sign up for that why how dare you how binary yeah i'm super binary

1:30:43 Dinosaurs. What the fuck? some weird genetic thing That kid's literally That kid's going to be covered with fur. Right. Yeah. First of all, my kid's not interested. He's not going to fight. I'm not going to force him to play. Yeah. So this is like theoretical shit that she's trying to apply to a living human in some And they drive Priuses You know what's really creepy?

1:33:55 Out of their fucking mind. Bedwetting. You baby cracking cunts. for 41 years. I'm not fucking impressed. He needs his fucking neck cracked. And? Not that bad. Oh, wow. But there's no like one, like look, if you go to an orthopedic surgeon, you have a tear in your I got it. You know, a girl died last year, some Playboy Playmate character. Just listen to me.

1:36:41 Yeah. Newborns often have the time of day to get cranky. Over your chakra, whatever the fuck that is. And the whole time I'm like, I'm so angry that this Hold on. It's her third eye Joe I know. And she's like, I'm just going to just so you can feel it. of them, well, I don't want to generalize them into But you don't believe that you have to be open to it?

1:40:24 You're, like, I'm not thinking, I don the room, I'm letting you think for me. I'm like caught in your trance, right? You're like, I'm not thinking, And I'm falling into like this trance in sort of a way. And it's you're entirely conscious while this is happening Here I am. She was like, this is the area of your troubles. Like there's something wrong with me.

1:42:26 Open up your chakras. For me, it did. I wasn't open enough to the needles. Massage your How'd that go? Why is it then when you think about them, and they do? Is there a farm in your past? Magdalene. So your chiropractor's telling you shit you already know, or your psychic, rather. They're manipulating you. Tell him to tell you what the lottery number is.

1:46:09 ghosts i go by penn and teller i'm friends with penn and love him he just tells me it's a hundred The Long Island medium. Am I right? that's fucking stupid. And I'm like, please don't. But you can find traits in people and all sorts of people that match all sorts of different, You're such a Leo. And then they're like, dum, I forget how it goes. Hidden knowledge.

1:48:50 I went to an audition in New York and I was just like, what am I doing with my life? My mom had me when she was 20. Like, what? And she goes, I see you as like an interior designer. be silly it'll be fun and you know i i got i got suckered in that day i think i did i really did parents split and then i was raised by a crazy person. And so I've had to like relearn how to think and what's,

1:50:56 you totally can. poor me. I like to go back. Look, because what happens is you get wounded way back when, right? The childhood trauma, the thing. Yeah, well, that makes sense, right? Cause I think a lot of us live from the past. And the next thing you know, they're like miserable and 50. He's going to fix it. That'll clear up this stuff, right? I don't.

1:53:46 Yes, yes. whoa, low frequency. the gambling, the compulsive behaviors, because we're afraid to feel the feeling. You're just it's addictive and it triggers this, the reward system, Like they see those people in front of the slots. Yeah. Yeah, I don't understand it because you're really self-sabotaging. He's a maniac. Wow. I don't know him but talking on the phone. Joseph. Talk to me. I love him.

1:56:42 It's not just the notion that you could lose everything. It's the rush of winning. Wow. It's not just the notion that you could lose everything. Oh, sorry. yeah there's this uh young korean kid the shit that he does defies physics. I think they call him Bobby Pocket. B-Boy Pocket. He was on, I was looking at Tim Ferriss' Instagram page. And once I started following on Instagram, I realized like, like oh my god I had no idea this was even happening like there's and it's

1:58:48 That might be one of them. Give me some music there, Jamie. Because they have some amazing control over their body. I bet. Let's go. Cool. Yeah, dude. It's not visual, but it's a story on my friend Remy Warren. got killed, but they easily could have gotten killed. And it's on his Instagram page. There's Just use the next 15-second part. Kodiak brown bear charged

2:01:56 With like trekking poles They're like, you think you can handle this? And I was terrified of killing it and seeing it dead. like the the rat getting great in the trap it's horrific the thing is screaming i know when the too because you start to realize that it really just is like humans versus the elements like it's I have this trap too. This is a good trap.

2:04:19 Dude. They're so nasty, and you realize how many there are. There might be as many pounds of rat as there are pounds of people. body mass, like the They hung rats? Let this be a warning. Yeah, good. wild animals that people take for granted. was like, it's delicious. It didn't taste bad, but it's not good. Yeah. Those are cool. Whoa. MTV, Road Rules?

2:07:23 Same company, Yes. I vacation with him. Good people come out here. You're like a baby. How old were you then? It never. Probably a few, right? She was on AGT. Jalee, what's his name, Osmit, whole fucks nut from The Sixth Sense. Terry Fedor guy he has a fucking theater in Vegas He's trying to be Terry Fedor. Like stop and think about that. That's ridiculous.

2:10:52 Simon. What's her name? He was on Kill Tony quite a few times. That's pretty good. And he's taking a chance wearing tight clothing too with Brendan Schaub I have huge tits like something about tits well they're your thing. We were talking about this in the beginning. like fix their shoe and their tit pops out oh my god did you see that like don't worry it's no big

2:12:50 Narnia land so disgusting i think he farts when he comes Right. favorite is the art the folded hands like rudy Look at that picture right there. Come get your pootie. Imagine if you were the girl who this guy raped. You know, they know what they're signing up for. It's not going to be great. To what extent. knock it out of the park inside the mind is that when you are that much of a celebrity in a time where there's no repercussions like

2:16:36 They had to sit in the room with him and watch him while he ate. Like he gets over the feeling of people watching him. Like, Hey, everybody stop what you're doing. I was like, how so? That's so dark. like Mr. Cosby sits down. I can't connect. princess kate and it's such a kate middleton yeah kate middleton yeah yes and the fantasy Yeah. She's doing a great job.

2:19:40 For hogs? Hmm. Is this weird? This guy's leaving some interesting comments. Spit at that. It's fantastic. They put their foot in between the seat. Like if someone's hand touches you, no big deal. And she goes, Dad, smell my finger. She's like, ah, it's disgusting. They have their own little way of talking and thinking about things and communicating with you

2:22:29 Words, words, mumma da da, and he can say certain things. It's bananas. I mean, I saw him the other night, and I was like, Jesus Christ, look how fucking great you look. But shame is a wonderful... And in whatever way they can get. But in this case, I think it was a constructive shame. It was really cool. Yeah. All right, why because I got shamed into it because I was being a fucking bitch

2:25:35 I had a dream last night. She was like some really hot Russian woman, but I was terrified of her because she was like the wife of like some really powerful man. when people stop smoking pot is that their dreams become very vivid and you remember your dreams Right. sure, Yeah. man, All right. so weird but whenever i dream about my father i actually dream about howard stern like i associate

2:28:56 That's one of my, I don't get geeked out on celebrities. I was never a tonight show comic. I liked dice. the day when they had real djs and shit like that but i had always heard about stern you know and fucking work there every summer. and I remember starting at like Yeah. They were fining his station hundreds of thousands of dollars for doing potty jokes or something like that.

2:31:23 And he was, for all of us who are comics, he was at the front of the line of that shit. I mean, The night before I did it. Oh, man. Mommy brain's a real thing. Everything okay? act like it's not the biggest deal? I feel like it's you know what I mean My gay partner. That's a homosexual. What the fuck are you talking about? I hated that movie. Oh, right.

2:34:23 And the writing was so dumb i was like oh takes drugs to make him not a racist. You can get better. That's right. That was bananas, right? can you believe this shit? Oh, yes, it is. People in South Dakota, Yeah. Bow hunting the queers can you imagine people are so fucked up No, it was his wife. He was calling her his partner. All these bitch-made men.

2:37:16 Barely men. Well, you know, because I'm a little traditional. People yell things out at you. And then they would just be themselves. I'm spiritual. Totally. It's very suppressive if a guy wants them. so empowered wow there's a lady that she's not slut shamed yeah she could be herself i don't that they, you know, What the fuck is this girl gonna- just a killer, right? That's how

2:41:01 When you're a killer, people think of you as a Because I think that sexual topics, you either are the slut, like you were saying before, or they're weird. Yeah. that are liberals, Stick to the jokes. I think they're changing how comedy is consumed. But don't you think there's, I'd like to think, I'm not a millennial, but I'd like to think I go, okay, can I do your room? Can I headline or even just feature? No feature. Well, you know,

2:43:39 The problems of the world like I try to fucking transcend it like I can't even and sometimes they work out the world by assuming some sort of And they just assume these patterns Did you do that? isn't that that's you find that a lot I have the same dilemma. I don't want him to be in show business. You too. the attrition rate, I mean, it's no reason. It's just bananas that

2:46:56 Yeah. Mother Inferior. Screaming. And let's do this more often. Bye.