Joe Rogan Experience #1025 — Greg Fitzsimmons Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Is it working? Is it live? It says it's live. Gregory, we're live. This is it! This is it. Yep. That sounds better. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. He just gave me a tour of this place, and it's like, I saw the first half and was like, Got your tank, your sauna. There's a 47 47 yard indoor archery range in here yeah yeah that's gonna be badass yeah it's why not fuck it yeah but the the big thing is

1:59 Very close. And then as time went on and I started doing the planning and everything, I said, you know what? Yeah. It's got history and the red brick wall looks exactly the same. it doesn't, oh, Easy. People talk to you about like, because the initial thing wasn't quitting weed. The initial thing was just getting Bert Kreischer to not die. classes. And they're like, oh, that'll be easy. I'm like,

4:12 But they take videos after him and Tom get out and they're both beet red and covered He was actually on high blood pressure medication. So, and then, but people would come up to me about the weed so the let the cat out of the bag tom cigar already knew but um people come up to you like like you're not I definitely don't need it, obviously. The 17th?

6:06 You know, I was like, maybe there's going to be a moment where I'm like, wow, I'd like to have some weed. Yeah, man, for real. But when people don't get high, and they're like, oh, I'll smoke a little weed with you, I got the little vape pen. Like just quit. 2004. And the entire cast of the Marijuana Logs, it's Doug Benson, Tony Kameen, and Brian Posehn.

8:30 you're just kind of alone. Maybe you got to help Molly you know she had a um a van coming from the palace and she had a box of booze that and she's fighting with this woman over it and these guys are surrounding her and i run in and uh blew out molly's hearing for like a year and uh people were crying. It was like really traumatic. And I'm high. I'm like, this is the fucking worst.

11:04 Yeah, we were talking about how San Francisco is just a little bit too lenient with their homeless population. poo stats. right? And my big old dog They just dim? That's why we're getting it replaced. He's a Shibu Inu English Bulldog mix, right? He's the sweetest dog in the world. one little contained area but they opened up the door and wandered around the house and just took

13:18 So they just decided to shit in the living room. They play together. He likes people they and they have a lot of health issues they fucking wheeze he's had two um surgeries on his Like, why? They just waddle everywhere. Yeah. You know, it's like a blood sport thing. Oh. It was like a blood sport thing. use them for protection they you know they're they're just really good dogs and the English version of them is like what that dog

16:20 did they want it to look like the royal family? genetics are the same and they didn't know this until like i want to say less than a decade ago I know that the first domesticated dogs were the ones that basically were, you know, docile, that could come near the fire. it was a dog and she washed it at that oh my god chamberlain road no collar seems a bit aggressive also it doesn't like

18:56 Hunt to kill. And he found coyote puppies in a den. Might be. But this guy This is like full feral as soon as it's time to eat. What? Yeah. Yeah, they're just feral. And I'm like, I got to teach him this. It's right there. And they left the room and they came back burn your tongue and have a full belly or not. The dog ate all the food. It's a fucking ridiculous part of modern 21st century life.

22:28 It's a dog, like a golden lab, like a big dog. And people have allergies to dogs. There's a lot of comics that have them. I think it's, what's her name has to be, Eliza's. Yeah, right, right. That's what I hear. Don't call her Eliza either. now. A lot of white people getting crazy I was reading a fucking article and I almost punched my screen. Look at that.

25:03 It's racist against white people. No, black people don't want girls to wear braids. What about Goldilocks? If they're going to get crazy You dumb cunts! whether or not they thought that white girls like Katy Perry wearing the geisha outfit was cultural appropriation. And they were universally saying, no, we're happy that people love Japanese culture and that they do that.

26:40 What is this? I'm definitely entitled to your opinion. Oh, shit. a fucking... Wait, who said that? The other guy. That dates back to the Greeks and the Romans. And it's just so many people are just looking forward to criticizing and getting shitty with people over almost nothing. You want there to There's a lot of Irish people in unions. And it was a big thing for a while.

29:43 Can't be that famous. has a deep love and appreciation for the culture of mexico yeah i mean this guy's essentially a You don't own your culture you fucking idiot. ethnicity. The idea that you can How about rap music? Just cut the shit. at the world they see this is just a byproduct of people having the It's just fucking... White kids that wear baggy pants?

33:11 how, you know? Yeah. Oh, we went to the gallery. It was crazy. We went to make a diamond. You don't make a diamond in Sherman Oaks. the one thing that the troubled kids coming up want to be, they want to be associated Yeah. I don't know if Tom Hanks has commented on it, but it's got to suck. It says that on his knuckles? Yeah, he worked too much. Oh, so

35:19 Jamie's racist. All white people are the same to him. I made tattoos. He's carrying two guns. What is that about? a.k.a. Chet Hayes, God, he joked that Tom Hanks must be annoyed So what did he say? oh you can't say white yuppie fans Knocked knees. It's something crazy like that, right? This rant and all I gotta say is And then I'd take pictures of my dick on his forehead.

38:21 Yeah. Maybe he is violent. So they fucking was beating his ass at night. not around? Can you call him and talk to him Yeah. No disrespect, Tom Hanks. I don't know if he did his job or not. It's like you're being handed, literally, if you're Tom Hanks I got weirded out with him when he started doing those movies about the fucking secret, It was a bad book.

40:57 He, I think, had a hand in the movie. They wanted to give them what made it popular. Fitzsimmons, you're getting emotional. Didn't one of them die recently? But it was just fucking great. are her favorite. And Pet Sounds If you see a bald guy with a ponytail, that's two punches. Yeah, right. in the 80s. California girl. he's not gonna be doing this

43:34 it's been a great fucking show that's a nice way of putting it that's what I heard Mick Jagger is very frugal. He's still performing That's right. She's hot, too. Like technologically. Well, cryogenics, I would imagine if you do it regularly, I bet that adds. it's supposed to radically improve behavior and energy and mice and against Gawker that crushed Gawker.

46:13 And so he went after them. That's a good picture. And I got legitimately nervous. I mean, a guy, like, I, as a comedian, and I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, And I remember I did a gig at this very hipster place in New York. I'm better looking and I'm richer Bald. But why that trick? when I come back Yeah. Yeah. People who've lost friends in gunfights.

50:29 Yeah, but that's kind of what we've done with podcasting. They should. You've got to build it. Right. And I did it for years, like irregularly, before I ever wound up committing to it. Shut it off, Joe Rogan. suck fucking switched his studio Dog, I don't see you out front. eyes are shut. His eyes But if you say, like Lee said something, What do you mean?

53:48 What? Like, Lee, try this. it's like i don't know if it's healthy to be around joey all the time like that like it can But the worst place in the world is a guy who's against Joey right like Joey is what the worst you know, I'm going to suck your dick. Like, Yeah. sucking some girls tit on acid his mom dead yeah Jesus yeah was symbolism in but I couldn't have married one

56:54 look, I respect all women. No. know i mean some of the stories that you hear and i look this harvey weinstein thing is atrocious How much he would be fined. And for one person saying it, it was a certain amount of money. No, like how much they would pay him, or how much he would have to pay. They're complicit. Yeah, it is. and we've confirmed the board

1:00:13 Oh, my God. I love that. at them yeah i mean it's got to be a crazy position to be in to be the head of miramax all these starlets. Like, if he had just I mean, this story broke, what, five days ago? But Cosby was drugging and raping women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girls, like, prominent actresses had sex with him to ensure that they got big roles. It was part of how he got this whole thing to work.

1:04:12 Mm-hmm. I'm so horrified. I always would joke about how I think he makes himself less attractive because it's more of a power trip for him. Does some blow. industry. Not this industry. you can't have young boys around this guy. Wow. And, he's in a similar position in the music business. And like people know, like you, you can't have like young boys around this guy.

1:05:34 there's, And then selling out arenas, almost no radio. Shitloads. But they have fun songs. uncharacteristic day. like three of the greatest Those three are in my top 50. They did those Armageddon soundtrack type things where just middle of the road know, like, just middle-of-the-road popcorn music it's like, Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah. Keith Richards is like the, what's that?

1:09:27 Huh. Yeah. all right. Christie Brinkley. Yeah. Too hot. Yeah. Ug've got a Billy Joel theory. I've talked about it in this podcast. And you just get so angry about it. I know exactly what happened. Christie Brinkley. Yeah, right. Yep. So where was this? I'd fuck him just because he fucked her. in the water how's that possible Oh, that's not her? I was like,

1:11:26 See, that's the thing. But look, you don't see her butt. I have 2017 on it. Yeah. That's her business. No. Oh, Jesus. Maybe. Yeah. That's just not – if you're doing that, it's because you're eating the wrong food, but it was kind of like a semi-comedy. see working girl lately what's that it was uh melanie griffith and she played a girl from Yeah, there she is.

1:16:17 It's a corny weaver. it's weird that we're wasn't a thing No, maybe a little bit more. they're already smashed together in some photos. They just crawled out of the way like a pigeon that got injured or elizabeth taylor she just kept marrying new gay guys What a weird way to spell Diane. I'm very different. Crazy bitch. It's a phonetic language. It's hilarious.

1:19:19 certain channels like i didn't even know i don't have epics direct tv doesn't have epics Like, who told her to stick her tongue out like that? all the guys are fighting. You can tell from the weigh-ins and all that? There's a lot of guys that look like doughboys, but they can fight. And then they just keep coming. into a guy who has both like see there's discipline and there's talent.

1:21:47 And then also can perform under pressure and knows how to come back from behind, A lot of guys can't be the nail. start getting hit on they're like fuck this i gotta I can't handle it. You get in trouble. And again, am I in the fucking music industry? I should say all of this with supposedly. Bill Cosby. He does? Well, that's a thing that's coming up.

1:24:23 I don't want to say on the air who it is. you didn't know. You didn't know. I'll tell you off the air. All these people out there don't know. Like when you see someone who's like playing, like you see like Gary Clark Jr. or something playing guitar on stage, mesmerizing. even knew he was gay yeah right they didn't understand like what a gay We are the champions.

1:26:18 holy shit, listen to this guy. that's not him who's Brian J. Singer he probably would have Live Aid, where they were simulcasting from London and Philadelphia at the same time? did. No. It was back in 91. Did you hear that California just recently reduced the penalty of not telling someone HIV is a public health issue, not a criminal issue. But there's a photo...

1:28:39 guy that's supporting this bill Doctor says, Greg, I got some bad news for you. Your semen is a deadly weapon. of knowingly exposing someone to a death-dealing A lot of wives get AIDS. Jesus made my HIV estimates by country. Yeah, there was a million last year, but it has no data for United States. Yeah. See, He goes, what you're talking about is people with extremely compromised immune systems

1:31:57 people who are malnourished, who have a host of horrific diseases. Unacceptable that we're Another Wiener. make it a little easier on himself, but you fucking psychos, or something like that. Do you want to legislate behavior? she's like I'm not I'm not gonna to be quarantined fuck off and they're like this bitch is a monster right that's much more

1:34:13 What, do you take it in the ass, you fucking piece of shit? I think orgasms are free and the halves fucking drives me crazy. If a company has to pay or some other issue that women might have that has to be covered. It's one of the weirder things about employment. The people really want that. some other sort of compensation or some sort of, and she definitely won't be working any long hours or overtime anymore.

1:37:38 And another one of the big ones is this is one that works sort of against them It's really not real. And obviously these are gross generalizations You know, there's a lot of men that are florists, right? Right. You know, and don't wait for it to be handed to you because the patriarchal system is not going to suddenly just make things fair. and you're also a fat, ugly fuck

1:40:25 there's also um a thing where women don't want to be a bitch right yeah they like men don't view behind every successful man there's a woman I do remember it now that you said it to meet women than getting on stage for you know if these guys are doing 20 minutes or a half hour You're wearing big watches and rings and driving a fancy car, just trying to peacock, trying to get everybody to look at you.

1:42:37 Yeah, a little different, and maybe a little of that. like their abs and they'd cart it off It's like, after a couple days, One thing is that the original, the early days, they used to have just the cock hanging out. statues where they It was, we got super lucky. I go, that's the pineal gland. But as this guy was explaining that, I go, why are their dicks all so little?

1:46:19 around 5 500 years ago first evidence of the wheel. That is super recent, right? And we're not going to go back to those big dick ways, and raping and killing. It was a woman of culture, so they were attractive. So they were almost in this like transitionary period of like the muscles were big. Blacked.com. And I'm going through my Twitter feed and like

1:48:55 I'm trying to get Jack from Twitter, the head guy on the podcast. Upending elections. Oh, no, there's tons of that. that are designed to attack people that are supporting someone who's in opposition of their interests and to support Oh, yeah. You lost, get over it. They might be, but they might just be people that, they might just have scripts that they send out from hundreds of different accounts.

1:52:11 And the ads that were being taken out on Facebook were, they tracked the money. It's called TweetAttacksPro.com. I wonder what you could do. What's your Twitter account at right now? We could get up to a million probably by the end of the week. How do you do it? I swear to God, it was the exact same feeling I had when I took an HIV test in 93. I wonder if he hired or if they just follow him because he's the president

1:55:12 Well, I think people, if I was running a campaign and I was already a sleazy piece of shit running a presidential campaign or some sort of political campaign, you got to think they're going to use every tool at their disposal. That came about through Dirty Pool. Unless I'm not going to record it. Because club owners look at that shit. What do you have to do?

1:56:49 lisa eats that shit i don't know i don't see exactly on this particular one this one wants I usually only get 20. I wonder what we get you up to. how much we need to spend like 30,000 followers The girl who did it on Instagram, the way they found Oh, it didn't go up as the numbers went up, right. and it has 17,913 there. Look at you, you sexy bitch. I put

1:58:56 What was that photo? Cracked? He just went in, popped it out, and threw some gauze on it. Just popped right out. But you have to keep rinsing with salt water, otherwise you get a... apparently becomes like a fucking yeah tell me. You could buy an account that had 240,000 plus followers that's over five years old I was like, when did I start following, like, at booty?

2:01:33 So he would add an additional 250,000 followers, so 240,000 followers? So I'm pretty cognizant of that. And what I try to do is lean to a much more fat-based diet, a lot of coconut, a lot of avocado, meat, things along those lines. That's when you're in New York for a couple days. It's like an orgasm. and conversation you'll listen to and yeah but that doesn't have all for a 10 second orgasm

2:03:52 it was the perfect idea we'll get together we'll have some fun i'll take her to dinner we'll have If you even had cable. That leads to the fight. that you also that you have combo human being talking to and sometimes those are just not the same things like especially for guys She's talking nonsense, Like, you know it's going to happen eventually. Yeah.

2:06:06 That's better. She orders a fucking lobster. This is disgusting. She doesn't want you to know. And she would do it like every time she came over. Okay, but what do you do? San Francisco, you go right on the sidewalk. It's just so discouraging. It's so weird. It is weird when I see certain beautiful women. drinking. She does. One wipe water up your ass. Yeah? Yeah.

2:09:28 Got two of those here. It's warm. Oh, you do it before. No, you can if that's so fucking dull? I had one It might sound gay or whatever. to talk to them yeah i don't have time i don't have time to talk to you about that yeah but if Pencil. and uh i think i met her with you as a matter of fact we were doing like a k do you remember That look. Oh yeah, the Velcro

2:11:48 My car was broken. Hair is now done. This is like, we haven't even had dinner yet. She started putting it in. And then we went into the club, and it was like this, it was like a roadhouse. whatever it was and somebody yelled out it was probably uh and he said n word whoa and i went Yeah. So I used to have to wake up at like 4.30 in the morning and go down to the Marriott and Copley place and set up coffee stations for these fucking conventions.

2:15:08 Because you fell asleep? I passed out because she blew me. are acceptable. Yeah. Sucking your Yeah. Uh-oh. I like it's a nice change Purple is the ancient color of royalty. It is. Pretexta? Purple, I was associated with Prince. That was a hard one, too. That was a hard one because he was more than three Prince songs. Purple Rain time? And then I heard some of the songs.

2:19:10 Remember that song? No, but my point being Released in 1979, October 19th. Wow, real close to today. I mean, I was a big bowie fan too but the thing about prince that was uh harder than bowie for me was that bowie died of a disease No. Just stop and think about how many demons rehearsing harder than anybody. Apparently that's part of the problem, Like, way different.

2:22:02 Like, way more vivid than when I was smoking pot all the time. Before, I thought it had to do with the alpha waves state that marijuana puts you into. when you don't smoke pot, when you smoke pot hanging on the ledge of a building and the next thing you know you're running Studies on cannabis and sleep were conducted in 1970s. REM sleep was decreased in both regular users and non-users.

2:24:31 to having those dreams, rather, lot of benefits in terms of the anti-inflammatory effects. There's neuroprotective effects of I take a lot of vitamins. It's pretty good. What does it say? That's what's confusing. Because it's not like No Like your butthole did that day I'm going to start looking into this now. You're talking about that Charlotte's Web.

2:27:31 But Charlotte's Web has a bunch of other cannabinoids. And maybe what it's doing is reducing inflammation and relaxing you. And if you had a company and you're working for them you fucking loser yeah those are the same jobs that tell you can't date anybody from work it's Sending it home to the secretary, baby. I know. Even worse, your story involves kids dying that got sent to Michael Jackson, isn't it?

2:30:17 We don't want to get sued. Oh, I would buy that. Super high-pitched voice. That was a person who went mad in his videos. Like a letterman's jacket, right? It's not even a wolf. It was like a werewolf cat sort of thing. that did it and all the crazy shit like what is that that's not a wolf what movies back then like there that's it uh-huh like what werewolf and London werewolf.

2:33:13 Right. Oh, they're old enough. Oh, obviously. at dinner and I'm always like, I don't kids like that, their intention span is too I haven't seen it, but I need to see it. Plus getting there, parking. I'm watching The OA right now. fucked up. You twats. What does it say? I'm a hypocrite. 12 years old. You know that's based on a true story. Felicity which was

2:36:49 All right, let's wrap this up, Oh, kill the music. Spokane Oh, wait a minute. When I was with them? Bye-bye.