Joe Rogan Experience #1040 — Brian Regan Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Ladies and gentlemen, coming at you live from sunny California, it's Brian Regan! Thank you. It's huge. It's a big spot. Got big plans, big plans. Apparently. Well, I have a lot You know those games where you whack the golf ball into the screen and a virtual golf ball rolls around? Powerful, Jamie. Now that people know, I've decided that. You've got so many things.

2:24 You were on a sitcom, a hit sitcom, right? Ultimate Fighting Championship. That keeps me friendly and sane and kind and generous. What's going on with you, man? I want a bigger yacht. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, same act. Right now, I like doing it the way I do it, but it'll be my ace in the hole. fucking the beauty in that place. Oh, wow, look at that.

5:45 wanted to sign it big look at the fucking oh my god so that was when i was there that's when i Jamie, we need to do something like this. Get the fuck out of here. Look at the size of that place. up just to see what it was like and plus it's a high altitude. So I was like out of breath just walking up once halfway. are backstage and say, if you need it,

7:38 Like, you know, Breckenridge, I think, I remember being lightheaded on stage. And on a three-show Saturday night, you know, on that third show, you might have four or five beers in you. Yeah, you know what's nice, though? You know, we need, like, a strip that you can, like, lick and look at it and go, hmm, Right. I play good on marijuana. You got to just-

9:55 which i'm gonna do every year and uh we took a month off of everything except coffee and we also did 15 90 minute beak room yoga classes for the month like you owed 15 Yeah, yeah. I think next time... something that you can go to to go i know this wrong, but as long as you're not hurting somebody, you know what I mean? I'm like, shit, I got a vice?

12:14 Wrongdoing. Wickedness. What is more? Cigarettes. Well, that's a problem. That's a wicked evil... Right. I like to have a cocktail. Before I go on stage. than a shot of chilled peach naps. We're all in a house. I mean, who was it? Yeah, I think there's benefits to alcohol. Everyone had beers in their hands You know what I mean? And you can just, yeah!

17:15 and scream at the top of our lungs. Hmm. I'll tell you one thing that I did find when I was sober for a month is that I would go out with people who were drinking and they would be annoying. You're like, hey, look at the time. Yeah, like if you're dating someone that doesn't drink This is what happens. It's like an electrolyte drink or something. nope.

19:32 You get a double whammy from alcohol. Yeah, the all-American. I don't even fuck with the eggs. Yeah, yeah. like the what there's like something about waffle houses after 1am where the possibility of fights Yeah, I just typed it in on pictures. Jesus Christ. That'd be like Tiger Woods chopping his fucking arms off. If you could find a legit Mexican joint.

22:49 and they serve alcohol, but like in teacups. And apparently somebody said the cops are coming. Tell them you're eating the fish. All of us. It's their specialty. which is right down the street, Yeah, yeah. So if I knew about it, I can't imagine That's one of the things that I like about Vegas a wheel, you know, like aspect. There's no real workaround for that.

26:07 What I like today is Lyft and Uber, that people are using these ride sharing things. Because that's what they survive on is you're going to rate them. I'll give you five stars. Right. that forced conversation like okay it's one thing like you want to be cordial you want to be friendly And they will not stop talking. And if it's like really politically weighted or something like that, you're going, you're

28:51 That won't be too much of a problem for my anus, Oh, my rectum. Yeah, you got to get ahead of that. Well, from doing Fear Factor for six years, I got a PhD in questionable humans. Second time. It was like, come on. Human or from mule mule come I was really worried. uncomfortable situations like, hey, I want you to go over and talk to that woman. And they don't have to eat anything gross, which was, uh, it was really dumb to keep

33:04 I don't, honest with you. That was the, I couldn't watch that. That was the hard part for me. I don't. I mean, I wouldn't have. Look, this guy's going to fart into this tube, revive from the dead you did was like really cool. Nobody's buying these Blackbird poems. Some of the great works, the people Yeah, I mean, if you really stop and think about it.

35:40 But it's definitely, that's sort of the end of the line, isn't it? Yes. It sort of the end of the line isn't it yes it's you know what what's And then a guy's going to hit me with a paddle? Dude, you need fucking skin grafts like immediately. Do that again. You're a sensible guy, Brian Regan. to just write about it. I'm just going to It's very intimate

38:11 I like watching police chases I don't know how it's going to end. he was over a bridge and he had a gun in his mouth and it was on When a guy gets out of a car and if it's unclear whether, you know, he's giving up, the cameras from the news media will pull back to prevent people from seeing something graphic. And it's like there's I've seen this one.

40:25 Oh, that's interesting. They tase him? because they're technically live with police like this in five or six, seven different cities. people absolutely want attention Oh, we're, On the news. They still have the... He'll be right back. don't you think that they kind of encourage They know. Somebody's going to do it on purpose. will be so much more powerful

43:55 And here's the thing. because there's really no need for them to get any... to force consumerism, right? To be in a car and see how quickly I could be going fast. Oh, by the way, I did do the NASCAR thing where you drive the cars. Most people who think they don't like fast cars have never really driven a fast car. It was embarrassing because you do the stick to get out of the pits.

46:13 I forget. When was the last time you drove a stick? People say, well, you drive it for a while, and then you get used to it. on to the ebrake and then you slowly gently let it go into gear and then let Okay. He just goes, what the fuck is the matter with you? That's why you're a comedian. It's this crazy 1968, I believe, See that big thing? Because he is on the edge the entire time of this video.

49:52 I would hit the e-brake right now and go, what does this do? But look at this shit. It's art. He's sideways. It would be great if he asked some woman out to dinner. See, when I bring a woman to a restaurant at the top, I go, Oh, OK. and they butchered it, changed it, put a roll cage in it, stiffened it up, and did all this Do you know what it is? They're so comfortable.

53:12 if someone's too close, it'll give you like the... I don't know if he was just BSing or what, but that's what he told me. But on the other hand, like the connection that you have to the actual mechanical feeling of the automobile is very muted. i'm more altruistic yeah etc etc yeah so we're like what would a car do like if it's like well Well, one of the things that's gotten much better that I think is amazing is braking.

56:15 A bunch of repelling magnets. i think magnets can really fuck up pacemakers Christian Bale looks almost unrecognizable after putting on weight and shaving head for Am I wrong? Into an alternate dimension. literally in the best neighborhood in space the people that go to Mars the first time And you're going to die on Mars with a bunch of other people that are so fucking stupid they're willing to die on Mars with you.

59:07 and you got a nice Starbucks here. and we will always want to know You can have a lovely dinner, catch a nap, watch a movie, land perfectly. dies attempting 22 000 foot wingsuit jump you know what's uncomfortable about this to me is one of my Andy had the world record for the longest ever wingsuit jump. So that's obviously off a plane. Look at this crazy fuck.

1:01:49 He's a brilliant guy. I've seen a lot of people get knocked unconscious. And then on top of that, I've been to so many tournaments. He's got a television show called Meat Eater. I went to one. I thought there was a boxing match. So I go meet him and he picks up the tickets. And so that was the first time watching it. A little bit here and there. What's going on?

1:05:36 I was impressed with, I mean, there's the violence aspect of it, I describe it as high-level problem solving with dire physical consequences. to you and someone who really understands how to train fighters, like there's so many He's got to stop. That's not what I mean. Do whatever you want. What if your goal is to be number 500? say, I don't want to fight anybody 499

1:08:30 Like you could see it happen in fighters. Right, right. It's just too fucking hard. Are there any accountants? No. But it still exists. 100%. It happens quite often. comes at them. And sometimes that goes wrong too. trying to flip over the bull and the bull catches him on the way up and What is the bull representing? Are you serious? Where is this? In this day and age, it's not absurd enough for me to absolutely assume that you're joking around.

1:12:44 Bull jumping. It's a big animal. Okay. That's a bad motherfucker. I saw a guy get hit. Yeah, there's definitely downsides. Look at this. What? the consequence oh look how close he gets the consequences are awful It was the same clip. No? Yeah. where I wanted to have And it just ended up being way too much of a thing. You've got to let them in. That thing's awesome.

1:16:30 They have this huge, and I might have that wrong. Oh, wow. Do you fish? To go from nothing, maybe it's similar to hunting where you just sit there for most of the time we went on a charter boat And the water was just frothy, We can cook it in a variety of different preparations for you. I don't know if it's part of his act and if I'm giving him complete credit.

1:19:19 And the guy's like, I got one, I got one. Wow, that's elaborate. Of course they're drunk. Yeah, but even fishing drunk, you got to be careful. Let's talk about good things. So you're in San Diego this weekend and Stockton 209, right? San Diego Friday, two I mean, it's what I do. Yeah. why plagiarism is so awful it's because by the time a bit becomes something that actually works

1:22:06 Right. sued for the entire value of a song just for using samples and using pieces of it. I mean, Right. Sure. Dennis Wolfberg used've had a situation. You remember Dennis Wolfberg? Sure. whole bit about it and then I went out on the I started at the comic strip in And I said, you know what? I now has a very similar bit. He goes, I don't know if you know that or not. And I said, you know what?

1:24:45 You know what I mean? But I think that is the case with a lot of things. I mean, that also happens. Just, no, I think of something. out loud a few times try it on stage tape and then listen and then sometimes i always feel sometimes some of the best writing takes place on stage like i think you can have something too Yeah. but we kind of have to do it in front of people.

1:27:32 I think it would be interesting if somebody tried to create a comedy hour He used to write out his whole special. or something like that. but he essentially never worked his material out And then you hear something like that and you go, if you put a bar graph of people talented I almost saw his last show. Damn. Or one of his last shows. He was he was a genius. I almost saw his last show.

1:29:41 So we saw the Neil Diamond impersonator impersonator no so my story isn't i got to see It was like really And I saw all the signs that. And everybody in that casino was a fake something else. I'm afraid to say any term about anybody anymore. I would have remembered. What do you make of this? is a very strange place. There's forbidden takes on things.

1:33:00 Exactly. And it just bothers me that people draw these lines. Yeah, the idea that there's subjects that cannot be breached is preposterous. Yeah, but you can write some great shit in your underwear. You could be a great critic in your underwear and write a brilliant piece on something. You're definitely going to get that. that their sense of humor is the correct one

1:35:39 walk out going that ballerina sucks there's got to be some critical ballerina critics. Right. Comedy is not like that. Well, everybody likes music, but not everybody likes the same kind of music. guy, but he's been on Comedy Central. what you're gonna get correct which i think would be part of the fun right for sure but you know for do you think you would feel the same way about stand up

1:38:32 And to me, it was just this internal quest that came from within myself that I want to do this. Your comedy is very observational and very silly. in the middle, anybody. like means the world to me i mean i love making audiences laugh obviously but to have comedians or they're really dirty, i like what they i like what they do too and i like what i do it's the old remember when uh

1:41:36 So why can't both kinds of comedy exist and be valid But if you're on stage going, I know if I say fuck, they'll laugh. There's other people that are, it's almost like, it's almost like they could have been What will they laugh at? I just want to do what I think is good. Aren't you getting ready to do another special? I'm doing two specials for Netflix.

1:44:35 Right. Oh. Oh, man. I'm pretty sure. I love Denver. Yeah. Comedy store. It is November the 15th, sir. Maybe. Well, thank you for coming, man. Friday. Brian Regan, ladies and gentlemen.