Joe Rogan Experience #1050001 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Experience Oh, those motherfuckers. You wanted to be cool. Funny dudes. Some of the funniest guys working club where they really, Tom, the guy who runs it, really honors the art And that's one of them. take care of everything it's run really well it's it's pretty cool yeah what do you point Different staff in Kentucky. Does it? them they financed my one hour just recently they take so levity is the people but they own but

2:51 do the improvs. and he books me out book you. And I'd be like, really? I, you know, I never heard any of this. I never got any of the That's why you get a booking agent Let me give you an example A lot of times you go into a place I don't really like that kind of food. I appreciate that, too. I'm just really... Is it bad? is you've got deep pockets and you become a corporation.

5:30 so that's kind of how it works but they got deep pockets financing everything i do appreciate and Columbia, Missouri when you walk down the street. Sure, you can get anything you want, all the time. And one of the things he did was he went to New York City and he went to all the That's Anthony Bourdain. and did this awesome episode on South Boston. The way he fucking loves a like he went to South Boston to this awesome episode on South Boston.

7:52 You can't buy that kind of stuff. They're doing that, and they own the building. I know. Like where you're from, that's mall city, right? Like rabbits with beards, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. Crash out It's a lot easier in some ways to grow up that way because you're, you're, you're given a, That's a weird blueprint, man. We had field trips to the zoo and to the amusement parks, and they would go by buses.

10:30 Well, that's probably the rumpskiller, hey, this feels really good. And one of the things, you know, and you have a daughter the same age, you'll know what I'm talking about. People rebel. It never really works. It has to. That's a part of what is made a human being a fuck, she's in Catholic school? dick oh like it's the sweetest elixir i had a girl a girl was telling me about her relationship

12:47 I used to be so douchey. army had a big, uh, Taekwondo team. There's this kid named Clayton, I think Clayton Barber, That's interesting. Holy Ghost power! It has to do with inspiration. it was because I was insecure that A, maybe they were right, or B, when I was really young. I went, if you really look at how much Christ actually said, you can put it on a 4x4 card.

15:28 The Christians killed the most people. We'd be celebrating some walk around the big box. But the amount of time that the Christian religion has dominated the earth Yes. And we are something that's in the middle. We are not quite animal. We know that we are animal. We know we interact with animals. We know we have feelings for animals, but we also in front of you, you'll be a shitty dog. You'll feel terrible. So you don't get in trouble. Joe

18:07 Biologists would argue with you over the semantics, over the word evolution, genocide. I do think the world is less brutal as a whole today than it was a long time ago. that right now the CIA, You've got to look at it this way, bro. The apocalypse is here, but not here. Okay. It's on the earth for our puny brains. because things so squirrely, If you're looking for shitty things, you can find them all day.

20:17 do you know whoever died of whooping cough diphtheria tetanus smallpox these diseases would You know what they do? Go up to the mountains and breathe the air to see if it helps your lungs. They couldn't even, they had to import grain. Now India is a huge grain exporter. So because of the Green Revolution, because of what's that guy's name? you're able to contact many people you can get groups you can get very selective on the internet

23:08 That's hilarious because it's true. It's great. I grew up in Boston. Someone would be naughty. You know what I mean mean like if you would find one over someone's house sitting around looking at this magazine it was the first time my friend Josh, What the fuck? guys. You could never find a black dick. You know? Every now and then, you'd be like, God damn.

26:28 And they're going to fuck every hole and you're going to pretend you love it or do love it. God bless them. from the other women they know you're you're not playing by their rules oh yeah when you just go And I say that, and people say, well, no, it's not just about technology. that were in place in the 60s and 70s. Technology, for example, Slutty McFuckstick?

28:26 have access to RedTube saw a naked girl I wasn't worried about shaving Now what they're finding is boys are, they're so used to seeing perfection and exactly what And they've done a lot of really interesting social studies on it. Yeah, they are weird. And there was a guy... prostitutes probably you know guys got a lot of fucking pent-up sexual pressure, and I hope they don't take advantage of him, right?

30:19 But he doesn't like their feet. and her toes, you know, weirdo? The Vedok Society, where they get together, But it's usually to deal with serial killers feet and then you want to then you want to want to maybe choke them or whatever, you don't go back. It's funny though that they start with it. That shit is a very common thing. That's where... It's fucking... So is where they like to cut your skin. That shit is a very common

32:19 shit where the fucking mind is not wired are brain damaged, are simply brain damaged. So that raises a really important question. with that person? What does that say? Well, you can kill them. You can kill them. But I'm talking does raise it does raise questions we're going to be grappling with at another thing about technology And you haven't since you were born.

34:44 Maybe. There is no question. shitty, if you're developing sexually and mentally at a certain age and you see something really horrific and violent um you will you can associate violence with sexual um release there's all kinds of shit It does. Yeah, but I think it's all really kind of clear. I'm afraid of seeing in myself. I get upset at weakness in people. I get upset at jealousy.

37:22 I never forgot it. You can't behave that way because that's not what the star of the movie would do. It takes saying no to a lot of shit. For a lot of people, because a lot of times and sports make a big... and by healthy one of the things is you got to lose i was about to say you got to feel that Do I tap out or are you going to fuck my neck up? And with some people, they never have any real competition in their life. And because of that,

40:16 they always say, Yeah, but that's in a book called Outliers and a lot of losing. Because I think there's a madness to it. Dr. J, suck my dick, stupid. He would have been fucking Yeah, you know, I believe it. I believe he's also got a real, real problem with gambling and this ultra bad motherfucker who's obsessed with it. He just has to and gambling on baseball games

42:39 How about this? 60% of, would you say? 60% of NFL football players within five years of retirement are bankrupt. and I look hip hop sites. One of the things that you see nowadays is how many guys are in bankruptcy, is have fucking three accountants homeless. He became homeless. Well, he had And then that shit runs dry. A lot. So half's gone. So there's that.

45:50 So there's 30%. So these guys spend like they actually have 20 million bucks. for your own amusement. That's why I bought a Ford Edge You only live this one life. Drive around in an M3. Oh, by the way, I'll be at the Edmonton Comics trip on Wednesday. crowds are great. I love Canadians. They get the I don't mean the Thai people are beautiful, wonderful people.

48:08 That's not my thing. Thailand is the only country. The French, the Chinese, the Americans, they just never gave up. It's a wild culture, too, though. They're no joke. It's a beautiful way of looking at life. they have no sense of humor about I don't know what the holiday was, and put their hands together and bow. I think so, very much so. And he's just having a good time.

51:42 of people at all. They're very conservative in their own families Yeah, well, because they make it legal. And it's not a sinful thing in their culture. and making you feel welcome Get one of those dope masks, bro. There's Tiger Muay Thai there. Yeah. You can go everywhere. Then I got jerked off. Thank you, C2O, for sending me some cases. You went silent just to...

54:13 He throws up. Were you by yourself? You didn't fly your family out? This is something I wanted to talk to you about because that was probably This woman said to me, Yeah, he's got to. How awesome is that? I love it. You've been following all this Osama shit. has admitted that they were going to make fake news stories. I mean, when you see him and he's got like his beard is dyed black and then you see other

57:16 He looks like a nutty man. Let me tell you something. pull off this fake assassination of Osama bin Laden There's no doubt that you don't want to trust the CIA, but what's wonderful about our government, what was interesting about this was it was so risky for the president. but you also have a great deal of power. And this is how it works. They come to you with six

1:00:20 You're sending in a team. photoshopped out of the picture it's photoshopped around a couple countries You didn't hang up her tune. They come from your Secretary of State. But it is true that there's a lot of profit in war, Dude, they're on another level of human being. The SEAL Team's guys, they did it 12 times, Except for— Jessica Lynch is a perfect example. Yes. But the bottom line is the government has lied about a bunch of stories like this in the past.

1:03:26 And Bang Si-moon, I think, of the Secretary General of the United Nations came out and said, Now what they do, which is really interesting. He shoots Osama bin Laden in the head. DNA as well. Then they got the body. it's been killed. Yeah, but not supposed to be at sea. It's a perfect point. You never did in the first place. heroin is grown. The world is big. The world is big as fuck. And if 90% of the Viagra was grown

1:06:15 Viagra was, look, dude, hard dick pills And it's not going to change. I didn't know that. I can't even fuck them. no that's true man i have a friend who went over there he caught a guy fucking a boy they all have When Osama bin Laden because he didn't want he used to be down with the CIA when the Soviets were invading Because if this was a fucking movie, all right, if this was the Hulk and the bad guy just

1:08:54 And then they're going to show you how he didn't really die. Is it possible that they stormed this fucking compound, guys up. We're going to fuck up their mindset. Meanwhile, they're like, he's fucking dead. because we need them. One other person. Well, we're going to go into Afghanistan. in a country that's always been a series of tribes, That's the fucking tough thing about foreign policy, man.

1:11:37 because here's our biggest fucking physical threat of safety. how we started this podcast. how to behave? going to do what i'm supposed to and we only go places where there's something that's the only the only thing that changes if an idea called democracy takes hold, This spring awakening with all these young people who could give a shit about Islam,

1:13:29 to do it because because that's caught fire and they've seen how the rest of the world lives they Wesley Clark in 2007 talked about the United States plan In Tunisia, a vegetable cart guy got these government officials came, and this is how the whole revolution started. he came down his name is his last name Ali. And they brought that motherfucker down.

1:15:21 But thousands of people are in the fucking streets. the U.S. doesn't... We can't even get our to fly over these rebel strongholds in these towns and just carpet bomb the fuck out of them and shoot them. There is a convenience when Mubarak is in power and you say you can make it makes you very skeptical about motivation. enjoyment and satisfaction you have no productivity but i am for fixing schools i am for trying to

1:18:30 I mean, it's not that cut and dry. fuck both you guys, we're going to start controlling our own idea. Of course, when Saddam Hussein makes a huge mistake and invades Kuwait, people in a room that come up with an idea. that the idea that we killed Osama bin Laden Why do we spend all this money on war and not that we have, it's babies and children growing up and becoming shitty human beings because there's no love, because there's not getting any help.

1:22:01 it wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination. And there's not much ways out of there. kids. The welfare mother might already be fucked. Her programming might already be jacked. She might they didn't budge and sometimes they went down? Trying to find out how to spend that money and where to spend that money has always been a big challenge. And when you're a kid, that's a huge responsibility that many times is bestowed on idiots.

1:24:21 Yes. through holy shit man holy shit yeah talk to a Because a whole cottage industry grows up around that law. And we're all paying for it. they're all saying when you're a president, you make one decision, That's a fucking great way to put it. But the problem with that is when you know that I said, what do you mean? All that stuff. but to kids that all of a sudden becomes this goal this weird fucking this weird fucking, this weird like claws in the contract.

1:28:18 She's in, every time I go to the fucking airport and I throw my keys in the bin, I see her Yeah, it is. That is my type. You're crazy. Looking like a cat woman. She looked modern. I guess what you got to do, what you got to do. Huge straights. What are you doing? That's a good question. somebody in a knot and i'm speaking metaphorically in anything it takes a long fucking time you want

1:30:39 and, you know, he owed to change and get people to understand what's important. Stop with all the fucking, the drinking, the booze and, and, you know, we can continue doing what we're doing. You could say technology is not alive, but we used the word evolution culturally earlier. Inexorably. That was his manifesto. There's no blood in it, That's what we are. We're also coming up with synthetic DNA.

1:32:55 But the bottom line is with all this hippie talk is, you know, everyone's like, why are you thinking about that? Of course. Computer scientists and scientists in general are talking about evolution in terms of keep you awake longer. what you listen to, You're kidding yourself. growth of technology. It does have this sort of silliness to it. I think that's kind of where

1:35:10 silly. You don't have time. Right, right, right, right. Oh, shit. It's almost like right now. I'm walking away. Right, but when you talk big business and big industry, okay? Because We'll be right back. The instincts are to fuck things up. We will eventually, though, right? week. I'm sure we'll get better A mile wide tornado or something. There was something like 400 fucking

1:37:58 Have you ever been in a hurricane? Right. of a fucking for 20 years that's scary shit How awesome would it be if you were in a plane and you knew it couldn't break? I read somewhere today that if you have a birthmark, that's where you were murdered in a past life or killed in a past life. Right. the thing is, before that, except people who are no longer with the CIA or whoever they were with,

1:40:26 Do you know out of the 12 BP whistleblowers, all the 12 people that came forward about Shoot everybody who knows anything. The BP executives. so I can drive by. They pulled down their pants, all three of them in Burbank in the back of an alley. I'm like, come on. Nate Marquardt was, you know, And I think he went, what the fuck? I don't believe it. three girls buttholes and vaginas that are underage and you're just driving around like

1:43:38 conversation ever you should have started off this conversation by saying how high you were Now I'm on the other side of the fence. You're silly. Because you left it on all week and it's going to blow the fuck up? That's ridiculous. Fiction. We're talking about someone having someone killed because it would cost them billions I mean, it's fantastic.

1:45:45 I want you on your podcast to bring a reputable investigative journalist on this show so we Have them come in. It was number five. You are very important. I'm going to kill it. He's a repeat offender Terrible. The same thing? Dude. But what he's doing, he's not hurting anyone. You're right. You're right, but you're giving in have a law that's in place that's completely illogical, like marijuana laws,

1:48:52 And if heroin was legal, do you think we'd all be using heroin? productive lives because they would have to evolve. You would have to contribute. I think that more than any other time in our It's really, that is incredible. when he was analyzing the United States economy and a couple other things. It could be argued, though, that if there were less laws

1:51:07 You're right. Surveyors. so they don't have to find their path, No. I love that guy. I don't mind any of it. And he's saying this is not what America should be all about. It's all there. Every time like Obama recently passed some fucking new law about genetically Now, there's a good way to do it. Right. But the bottom line is this. That's something that is going to be in our future.

1:54:56 What we got here, it's going to be great in about 10 years. Oh, by the way, it was the happiest It's pretty amazing. He's an interesting guy, man. Yeah, he's a good boxer. Yeah, he's a good dude, man. I really like that guy a lot. Yeah, he's he's apparently he was a boxing trainer for a long time too that's how he made a living in hollywood yeah he's a good dude man i really like that guy a lot he's a great guy he's a a very unusual thinker and and an unabashed gearhead i love that too you know yeah he loves

1:56:38 Some people are born with the wrenching gene. Well, first of all, I'm a technology fanatic. What's this email thing? You can go back and forth. He was a writer on MADtv when I first started. Was he really? When we were doing and then when I'm in a hotel room and I want to go over my notes, to sit put it on the wall and step back any really really successful screenplay writer i've ever

1:59:12 and I don't know one director or one writer, That's why a lot of people write a screenplay, and then they just end up running out of steam, or it just started doing it recently. I've been writing forever. It's the way to do it. That's why a lot of people write a screenplay and then for his last book took seven years What is it about? It's always about blowing dudes by the river.

2:00:14 you haven't read John Irving. Yeah, I started reading it again What I said earlier, the way I phrased it was the first time I ever phrased it that way, and super volcanoes and you can A great fucking scary. It's about a guy who is a rock and roll star, like some creepy Marilyn about the collapse of civilization. used to be a former LA cop that he was supposed

2:02:03 this downward spiral of doubt and doom,