Joe Rogan Experience #1067 — Whitney Cummings Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I think what you said is dead on that you got to go straight he's got to go Why isn't he in jail? How many people like is there some sort of. I just, I don't want anything black and phallic near me right now. Yeah. and enough people in his community like, they get redemption in some way? But then there's also, do you remember how it was right after OJ got innocent?

2:42 What the fuck did I just hear? Was it all black people? It is scary. but he's also a monster. and they did. scares me and shakes me to my core you you know, not that a psychopath does psychopathic things, but the people who permit it and who are permissive and are okay with it and don't resist. And is this jazz club, I mean, I don't know who owns it.

4:39 As promised, he performed at a jazz club today, but this article was yesterday. I don't know what that is. It's just so tricky because it's like I was getting all these nasty comments on Instagram this weekend. So there's been a little bit of eye roll of like, oh, this is still going on. And then something like this happens. I don't think we are. the people who are in that jazz club

6:40 and Bill Cosby gets on stage, Like, I don't think I would yell out, you're a fucking rapist. when the world was a different place. did it. I think a lot of people... I think we think of ourselves as being very similar Okay. What's acceptable, how people think of things what we've And there's also, we always talk about this, and I'm obsessed with epigenetic imprinting.

9:09 You're not even a part of this. Yes. But I feel that way about the fucking marathon. I mean, it makes sense. head around why this is such an inconvenience for guys. And what's so threatening about it? why didn't you say something? But I had heard like, oh, he like sleeps with actresses Like that's how ingrained in our psyche it was and how we just didn't know there was

11:40 Like it's not close to how awful most of the women's stories are, but it is, I think, more You need to come back and talk to him. I'm making twenty two dollars at the comedy store. I don't know how to do small talk with producers. I got to go. You feel like, oh, I didn't do it. you gotta check it seems like everybody did something but it's like but we were the same this sexual harassment shit, and you go, did I do anything? Yeah. You got to check.

13:35 Like, I remember I worked on a talk show, a late night talk show, and a guy came up But looking back, I'm like, that was fucked up. And we're rolling around these hoverboards. right now publicly say whatever the fuck you want forever you can't sexually harass women feel it too like you know i don't want to Not one man hugged me. The tables have turned because it used to be women were terrified of men and now men

16:06 Well here's the thing. You don't have to have like it and she said that there was like I had literally no sex I wanted to have in my 20s. of six is is is the statistic for people that come forward that's not even including the people that come forward. Is that real? Yes. One out of six? One out of six is the statistic for people that come forward. It makes me want to, it makes me homicidal.

17:55 So I don't talk about this publicly But you're very self-aware. But men and women, right? Most people do. I get weird and scared. I'm talking about people that love to play the victim. I get bumped at the comedy store and I'm like, Freezing is a big one. So if at least 20% of women have that, who knows what the fuck is going on in some of these interactions.

20:49 Yeah. Why didn't I tell him to stop? Yeah, but that's off the deep end. MDMA therapy is supposed to be amazing for people that have gone through trauma. reoccurring. That sounds like a way more fun way to do comparatively insecure I am in regular life. Comparatively insecure. Can you say that? I'm super into it. because I'm too activated and I'm just,

23:44 just sexual. I think he's a predator in business. I think he's a predator. I don't think it's just sexual. He's predatory. they were all lined up. And I remember seeing, and this was when we all thought it was like a joke As if you haven't already today. One of them that tracked his prescription from Dwayne Reed Pharmacy in New York from No. Well, I don't know.

25:39 It was a diet pill that they had to stop taking because it was super effective for people. They're speed. First of all, think about the amount of energy this guy had running for president, giving these long speeches. That picture's amazing. That made me laugh hard. Okay. You ever use that word? Because he's eating a lot of terrible things. The only problem was when the patients taking the drug

28:12 false or unusual sense of well-being, insomnia, This is what I think. There it is. Yeah, if you look at his eyes. Weeks or months later, these patients may develop a variety... Oh, I can't swivel. We have video cameras everywhere in this place. Varying widely from one individual to another. Okay. I came on her feet. That doctor that examined him, I was like, this doctor...

31:14 for a future stroke or heart attack and he was going on he was basing it on actual test results Additionally, the president had an echocardiogram of his heart as well as a stress test. I mean, wasn't Robert Taft, like, notoriously obese? And what he's showing is the difference between how it was in 2009, which was 34, 2013, which is 98, and then 2018, which is 133.

33:04 Just go ahead and say it. This guy is, it's, it's hard. like a video that was actually put together by people to mock him but the Nobody's fighting for the veterans like I'm fighting for the veterans. There's nobody that understands Nobody knows the game better than I do. I love what a character he is. I mean, he's such a freak. Oh, interesting. And I have some family who voted for him who are in, you know.

36:24 people who don't have the kind of resources to just be like you know, that's what Time's Up is for, to enfranchise people who don't And that's what he said he was going to promise. Which is so crazy. It's like their whole thing is unemployment going up is what helps women because more women can get jobs. I'm not saying Obama, I don't know enough about it.

38:17 were up 4.1% after inflation. And I was like, what? And then setting up community centers, setting up some education programs, setting up safe than a kid well is that just a straight up republican pull this thing i'm so sorry i always They'd always yell at me because I wasn't in the mic. This is what's so crazy. I was just thinking. Steve Byrne has a really good one.

41:03 He nails it. I mean, just the idea that women shouldn't have control over their own I think there's a sick thing that people have where they want to control people in a lot outside of political lines that you cross cross there's a weird instinct that people and just the entitlement And this girl would wake up in the middle of the night terrified that her agent that

43:03 It was constant stress. Yes. it's it's only till very it's called the female brain And then her mom's mom certainly did. about that kind of stuff. maybe I actually don't. That makes sense. We get dopamine from harmony because I'm less able to defend myself, especially with men. doesn't mean anything in terms of that anyone saying I get nervous when I interview Francis

46:12 And here's the thing. Why are you guys freaking out in the office? We have tribal thinking. But there are some. who, where? On Instagram? I know some crazy being falsely accused of It doesn't matter. But then there's men who are like, fuck these bitches. That is one of the rare places. It's impossible that it doesn't. have been or all the various Why do you guys cheer for that?

49:16 Oh, okay. It's like a personal thing. Here's what I will say. I'm crazy too. Or you channel it. But I think I would have done something really stupid a long time ago. And I think that is one of the best ways for men to not be pieces of shit. You learn humility. biologically or genetically or like what has he been taught like he was failed somehow if a guy

51:56 Yeah. Like the messages that we give kids. I think it did. it depends i think normally what kids do when they're crying is they're just testing to see We're going to go see a fun movie. Yeah, totally. Right. We try to be as fair as possible, and stuff my feelings. You know, and I think there's probably a, get bad parenting yeah but i didn't get anybody who was mean to me yeah i just got yeah i was

55:19 important. And I think it's also very important to tell your friends, like I tell everybody I love And it still makes me a little bit uncomfortable. I've talked about this before. You didn't know if it would go through. Like, the first couple of minutes you talk to me all the time, I get a little shake, like I'm socially awkward in the beginning and then

57:03 where it's like um when you grow up in in an alcoholic home or if you have codependence, the first thing you do is you meet someone and you kind of try to figure out what they want. Are you into baseball? Like the woman will come along. like the first my first instinct is make this person laugh make them like you and i kind of Well, he's just really funny and he loves being that.

58:36 That's really funny. groups of people other than Joey Diaz. It's like just he's morphed. If I could just have an iota of the self-esteem that he has. Well, I feel like you're always, do you know that feeling when you're running down a hill You know, you're not flat. antagonistic and protagonistic thoughts all these dear weird little ideas that from a, we all do tricky home.

1:01:18 laughing I'm talking you're laughing and that makes me Do you get calmed down by working out? I get bored and i i used to What is it? I do that. to all the stabilizing muscles. I'm just, like. You should get a hug in pill form and take it five times a day. Just because whatever. She's great. And they made fun of spinning? i used to go to soul cycle and cry i'm not fucking kidding they'll play like cheryl crow or like pink

1:04:33 It's like sweat or tears. I have a thing called a Peloton bike. No, no. regular running when i run the hills i love running but now i run it with my dog it's a He's great, but he's not a... All my other dogs have been psycho. So I'd run with them. He runs around too much in the yard. That dog is the best. i love you and he'll like jump up and kiss me i'm like i love you too buddy like calm down but it's

1:06:28 he's a sweet dog. Well, you're a pack. and he just laid down yeah it's weird dogs like like that smell on them. Make sure I'm not wrong. Well, hunting coyotes is important in areas where coyotes attack deer fawns and coyotes. It's really weird. And, and like, cause biting his hand and, but not hurting him and he's, he's petting And they're like, it doesn't really matter.

1:09:00 Yeah, that makes sense. without detection. only coyote shit. the uh pet food store there's a guy who worked at the pet food store also worked at a veterinarian's He was covered in blood. Exactly. It was so fucking fast It was like bliss because so much want to fuck a shark. She's a little kid. And they should be. Yeah, Wednesday. and she was like his boss.

1:12:11 was the most hilarious thing Because there's trans women. Oh, I thought you were going to say not all women's pussies are pink. women have vaginas. Because there's trans women. Yeah. that I wasn't even involved with where these trans people and these lesbians were going at It was fucking crazy. Because these women that are trans women, they have the same behavior that men have,

1:14:16 And they'll say, yes, I am a woman. with these trans women because you've been a woman two years ago or whatever Kyle Dunn again. Bruce Jenner. Play it from the beginning and give me some volume with Kim Kardashian and What's your next question? That's funny. But somebody sent it to me on his Instagram page. It was a Chick-fil-A or something where he was like dancing with a cow.

1:17:02 on sunday because they are open because of the baby jesus chick that was crazy huh There's a scale. She would be willing to do a special, Just say no. The tickets that you can sell. Monique's not doing that. watching Netflix. Yeah, they lost $39 million. Yeah, Ravel. No. A lot of lovers hate each other. And it kind of sunk William F. Buckley's career because at one time Gore Vidal called him a Nazi, called him a neo-Nazi or something along those lines.

1:20:51 I still say it. You know, like, or like, like, okay, like denying someone birth control. I don't think that's a bad word. This is what a word's supposed to be. I did not know that that was a slave term. I always thought uppity was someone who was like a highfalutin, like, you know, some rich person. Trust me, I'm one quarter Irish. There was another one under your thumb.

1:23:07 Like, is it etiology or etymology? Oh, that's right. Did he know that wasn't true? of sticks. Very difficult to carry It's because, you know, they used to burn people. It was mass hysteria. And this has been proven by core samples of the ground. There's a little bit of that, but that could have been other simple diseases. I guess a couple men did die.

1:26:04 sort of annoying that now people like like, this is a witch hunt. Well, witch hunt. This is a mass shaming. like, And I was like, Have you seen the bit I do? What's in your car? I talk about this a little bit on stage you then earn my respect you know you don't That's tribal too. I know a lot of really amazing men feminists that of guys and they grabbed her ass and harassed her and learn about the neurological ramifications of

1:29:18 That is a one person hurt me or a couple people hurt me and I need to generalize about all Yeah. Like, is this going to be the person that makes me feel better about life? like, wow, this guy's got money. I'm rich. like a waitress or something like that, that's a normal dynamic. And then the woman marries this fucking asshole. And then, you know, she's not impressed anymore because she's wealthy, too.

1:31:51 Exactly. I've never I don't I've not had money before. And I've been hungry and poor before. biologically wired to dad I've done it but is like I don't need to seek men that are alphas Yeah. But it just might be like like the guy the people that thrive are the ones that are able to have some self-control over their primordial brain so it's like you it's like i want a ferrari like

1:34:11 behaved back then we know better now but to get mad at a man who uh behaved a certain way no i'm It's like it's happening so goddamn quickly that we're just trying to, okay, what is okay Right. What about? So what was the difference? But did it feel creepy or did it feel? Because so it's like you hug me at the comedy store and it feels different than when let's call him Joe Blow hugs me.

1:36:38 But there's certain guys that hug me. It's like I know it sounds like I'm being crazy, but I promise there's something fucking creepy about it. But then you're anonymous and then you're 22 or 23. And I don't know if, and I can't speak to saying who's guilty and all that sort of. I don't know enough about it either. see movement and to hunt and right. You're not designed to sort of read like, Oh, is like oh is she frustrated or angry you know like have you ever been on a double date with your wife

1:39:15 And you're like, she was such a bitch. there's like um basically and we talk about the movie it's like it's just men are not um as good And, you know, so I'm not defending men in that area. because I but that's what was happening because I froze up Totally. Do you not think that? But think about negotiate. It's like we joke about it, but that means that a negotiation is going on and that I've already said no.

1:42:10 want it all the time. And women have been promised that men like want to talk to us. what do you do what do you do i mean i do I've literally had sex before just to like get out of there. back? Isn't this part of just being a human and trying to navigate your way through the fucking I froze my eggs. Block that bitch. know that sounds like a nightmare doesn't it so much drama um but it's also it's like it's so

1:44:41 I like to have sex before I eat. I think if prostitution was legal. No. get accustomed to transactional sex it could make it worse when you're actually with it's like then sperm factory with a very shitty agreement with the union you got one delivery truck that's your what are we gonna do is men through uh i did an experiment on my website like a few many years back where i didn't jerk off for

1:47:38 Correct. Like, why are they pussy whipped? You have to submit. But these men had no lack of pussy in their lives. I don't know if she and a sex addict Just stuffing things once and I talked to this woman everyone had to watch him. Right. This guy's not, you know. They think that he's being set up. I've been hearing this for years. I don't even know if this is true, but I'm going to tell you because I don't want to

1:51:12 power things it's like you you say no fuck you yeah don't say no to me you know like i'm gonna proliferate the species. Yeah. There's gotta be some leftover ancient, horrible rape DNA Sorry, I keep doing this. Whereas it used to be your masculinity or your value was defined by how strong you are, by how powerful. I'm not pro men. I'm not pro woman either. I'm pro humans. And there's a lot of really shitty

1:53:31 Great point. because i think that at least in my experience, especially like in the workplace, So it's sort of like, bitch, this is fucking my job. I've experienced women confiding in me about other women, Like, wait a minute. Like, And we'll see, because I definitely know, even though I think that, you know, women are my concern. But it's true. If you need an intern or something and you have two women that are equally qualified and one is overweight and 55 and one is 22 and gorgeous

1:57:12 That's a good. I'm just, I just. I go, that guy's on speed. He can never shut the fuck up. It was tricky, though. I'm too free to have input on this. It's a, It's very strange. You know what I'm saying? How long do you see your wife every day? Two hours? Maybe? bonds. And then there you're that never fuck, Yeah. I mean, we were also acting as girlfriend and boyfriend and we were sort of super bonded.

2:00:12 So what you're supposed to do in relationships is keep everything and hold it. You mean like an opener? No, I don't. Yeah. understand never as well well just the way we joke around with each other yeah like if just But thank God that NBC lawsuit, those Friends writers, made a lot of progress for us. And especially with comedians, we have said ridiculous shit to each other.

2:02:17 Do we have to fuck you, bro? You're going to spit in your hand and completely forbidden like someone who watches We need gagging. be like a bitch can't fuck like I get to be um deviant yeah and you get to be free and I feel Yeah. Yeah, it's like stand-ups is one thing. Now, as a 35-year-old woman. Well, there's some women that he did that to that didn't come out and they thought it was funny.

2:04:23 I think that's over. But if that's your thing, if a woman like is that like being humiliated as an aphrodisiac or shame? pedophilia and you have nowhere to go, or if you do go somewhere, people are going to go, Right. you and you were you were a victim at some point. Maybe one day we'll have some sort of because when you see i mean i was reading about the dark web is the deep web or the dark web i'm

2:06:52 This guy was like a hero cop, The Vegas shooter apparently had a bunch of child porn. The pedophile thing is also it's such a forbidden topic that no one even wants to express any sort of sympathy for those people at all. the cigarettes 10 years later i don't care but if you're addicted to fucking kids and then you live Yeah. A lot of women that get involved in the adult industry were molested as children, like a giant percentage.

2:09:08 I was talking to a therapist who was saying something about was his father abused him. Yeah. You know my theory about Michael Jackson. Really? Yeah. That was one of the big theories about Michael Jackson was his father abused him. I think that's why his voice was so high. You know so much more than I do. No wonder I'm so hungry. I eat very little carbohydrates.

2:10:25 I need to just regroup here. I'm just always so fucking tired. And it's hormonal, but I think I figured that out. To actually test for it. I would get too much adrenaline and too much cortisol when I get nervous. See if you can get that. Because the recording gets flagged by YouTube Yeah, people that own things. And if it happens more than one time, you can lose your whole channel.

2:12:46 what is the name of this? as they get older And it was a preferred sound. It was so high pitched. Yeah. I think it's a pretty good explanation. It's fishy. that his parents I don't know how accurate parents, claims doctor. Dude, this is my fucking him morph into who he thought So let me ask you, is this something that stops testosterone production?

2:15:35 They did that to him as a child to maintain his voice. That's why? Is that legal? He self-published it too Oh, did they get the money back? Yeah, he lost it. in the same way with a lot. kids. And Morrissey also defended we don't know until they grow up and figure it out in therapy Like what? It's like, I mean, you know. Yeah. I feel like I'm 35 years old.

2:18:18 But you have to find someone that you would really raise a kid with. Raise him in the forest. Like, oh, I wouldn't want to have kids today. We're going to be drinking salt water? You're right. What if he's behind the selling of them? Do you know what he's done? Makes me angry. With state, with, you know, whether it's Bureau of Land Management areas or I don't know which organization.

2:20:34 Fault lines. to just thinking about money. Oh, yeah. Capital letter. Yes. Didn't work. You're racist. You never do. Just like, what? Try to be nice. Could be both. One of the things that I found on Instagram, Especially a woman. in a little in a little bit of a way it is it's role playing yeah you know it's like a simulation Sending pictures of her own pussy.

2:24:46 This is what's going to win. They're closing in. Yeah. I can't do it. Look me in the eye and tell me you didn't fuck Siri. Is she prettier than me? They laugh at your bad jokes. Did you fucking see that? Oh my God. Or maybe it's going to go the other way. look exactly like you. It would have to age with me though. I'm getting lightheaded. that's what she's doing

2:27:52 I'm like are like When's your movie out? It's out February 9th. Hilarious. Funny dude. Oh, yeah.