Joe Rogan Experience #1072 — Joey Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Not show up, so I'm flying him out after Luke Rockhold. I don't know if you mind. You could really talk about underhooks Pelotero, you don't have a choice. So he's going to tell you how they shipped them off. and apparently phenomenal wrestlers. You see, you know, you see Lomachenko used to be a wrestler? You know who Lomachenko is, right? he's not faking that.

3:11 So he's always been an amazing athlete. I think it was the HBO show. little highlight reel because my daughter goes to ballet and 80% of the That's what people do. He's in front of you, and then he's not. But he's doing it at such a high level, such a high level that it makes people confused. learn how to move your hands in a specific way right like think about a guy like floyd mayweather

5:53 When you're young in Cuba, they pick you. You know, then they put you in their go-ahead, you know, where you train in, like, their army. So I figured that I'd put them up, and we'll do a podcast in Spanish I love you. Michael Bisbing. Oh, he's nuts. It's a very good fight. It wasn't much time. He has great kicks. And then Joel's four. and then Ungayo, right?

8:59 This is like a total amount of training. But a loss like that to a guy like that, like to a real champ like Stipe, two fights ago. I see the difference. It's not like a guy who's only been striking for like three or four years. Think about how little you learn in five years. It's an amazing story, man. Like, what is this? He knows what it's like to be really hurt and tired in a fight

12:09 with MMA gloves But he had made up his mind. That's Ngannou. giant, crazy frame. Come on, dog. That immigrant mentality. but your dad could have called you Steve. I hate calling you. I still remember people's parents It's on AMC at 630. Yeah, all right, no problem. Who would do something like that? It just wasn't accepted. And then they threw a beating on you.

15:41 It's a classic scene. Your man is telling us you got to leave. This is a great song, dog. As long as we talk over it, we'll do it. Very nice. Uh-oh. But they knew that instant they made a fatal mistake. fucking Jerome Avenue. This is craziness, bro. Like, this is all from immigrants, right? That's right. You know. We're seeing what's going on. Italian immigrants, Spanish immigrants.

19:45 The big thing was as we came to move here, I remember he would come to the store, Frank Starr. But there's a story one time that I don't know how true it was. I'm going, how different has time changed? No. and we had a dry cleaner. So you have to, every three or four weeks, you have to move it around. There's Brooklyn, the Bronx, and New Jersey. Remember, $2 a day wins you $1,000.

23:22 And it was like one off or something like that. She wouldn't rat them out, so they put her in jail. What the fuck? They give you a ticket. It was real weird. Some crazy hunch that she had. Or, she might have had intuition. Yes, in Newark, New Jersey. She had a monkey named Chi-Chi. She bought a monkey. Chi-Chi! I think it was one of those things. Yeah, they're nuts.

26:58 It's from another planet. She'd be out there rolling and flattening out flour and shit. like I, listen, when I was a kid, man, Okay. and I noticed unmarked police cars. you caught me at home watching Get Christy Love. Why are you getting dressed to the nines? And 10 minutes later, I heard the car turn off, and the garage closed, for myself you know what the feeling is Joe Right. We've all gone through it when you lose a dad and your mom remarries.

30:18 in there and i would steal him and from time to time he would come home and go that bottle's looking light somebody's stealing Right. I walked in the house, and he goes, what do you got there? some guy and he goes give me 557 how old was the guy? Yeah. that you wear, and they have three little buttons. And I'll never forget that I went back to the bar, and I told him,

33:12 He did everything like a pigeon. Oh, my God. And by the time we got back to the bar, we got raided. What does that mean? order. So if you fuck up, cop looked at his wig and he goes check the wig and they pulled the wig off and he had a little I mean, there's so much money. Like, It's cash that's being thrown around of fucking cocaine, like legalization of anything, bro.

36:46 Sounds like a John Waters movie. Wow. They start with a horse. But when you're losing your house, I both know people who have lost their fucking lives gambling a guy who's fully in the grips a fucking killer also. But now how Joey Diaz was doing it, not how people. Okay, and one night they put a 10-time bet in on a fucking Knick game, and they won $50.

39:46 It's like the people who go to the 7-Eleven every day and you're trying to just get a pack of $80,000 brag. Right. Like from August 15th. And all these people who sell you information, listen, Arch Lietzer played the fucking game and lost. on the road. Everybody has and I kept betting to dispute the rules wiki dude he told me Gambling is a fucking nightmare.

43:07 I told you that I was a backer on the road for a while, my friend Johnny B. like people that were like my level and you'd bet like 20 bucks or maybe if you want to get crazy, halls. I don't know what the rate is per hour, And why is it that the people in the room pass money around? bets are probably more like if you had a bet, if you had a big pool game,

45:01 from New York to go You just enter the tournament. Unless it's a huge, huge, like, where you have to get invited. I got $100 on Archer. Like say you've got a friend that's a really good player, couple, gain a couple. Like if you're going to really play a guy out, these guys would play I still got more money, man. You should be out in the pool hall, motherfucker.

47:38 There's a pool hall a mile from my house. That place is great. What is it now? A bunch of times. play Max Eberle, how much do I have to put up? He's that good. I have no chance. If you say you'll never get past was it Ari? They just didn't get to shoot. But just watching the difference between a kid who can play a little pool, who's pretty good, versus a world championship caliber pool player.

50:53 He was explaining things that I was just guessing before, artwork. his cue is uh he's a wizard man he's a guy who's like really into like the grains of woods he's Like his cues are for Danny. I have to, on the Super Bowl. Oh my God. Chris Christie goes to the Supreme Court on sports betting. There's 17 states also with him on this. because someone will throw the game. Everybody

53:46 There was a 60-minute. that's what their beef was to remove these type of games because i'm telling you since i was a kid I saw a person watch two baseball games at the same time. days, maybe. There was no If she had a dream about a goat, bam. Then there was But the whole time she'd be scratching because the Meadowlands started at 8. Do you understand me?

56:42 You cannot go home a loser. She had three kids. But as I got older one day, somebody said to me, don't. because the mom's a little bit on those card games. I know the itch. Here's my take on this whole gambling thing. I mean, they're just trying to make it legal. No, I haven't. You could be on the moon for three days. Like if you're on Ventura Boulevard, you got to be really cool because you're done.

59:37 to stay open? How much? A half a mil. We're coming in with THT Forget what they're doing. Listen, we're coming in with steroids. We're coming in with THT. They hired, especially in Colorado in the early days, they had to hire a lot of like They weren't allowing them to use banks or credit cards, rather. Wow, that's dangerous. And this was the early days of the medical legalization.

1:01:51 You got to hire people. You want me to tell you why he lost everything? he would have 60 weeds on the wall and he kept all his weed on the property. You have a couple safes. Think about this room filled with $100. How was it? to know this. Snopes this. pictures of them They fucked him in the ass. They assassinated that guy. on the ground. On the ground. That was in

1:05:20 That's the whole thing. drugs before they landed. these kids with knives. that these guys were getting, In 83, they found a bear dead next to a duffel bag filled with cocaine in Aspen, Colorado in the mountains. That's how much he was getting for that fucking load. But now this is your Uncle Joey talking to you, Joe Rogan. And they were in bed for sure

1:08:44 Like there's many, many stories of undercover cops getting seduced by the actual lifestyle We're talking in the big picture. All the research that we've done with General Nort. Lader that he and having fucking Congress that he was getting 800,000. You have no idea. He would be terrifying to be as a cuban-american you have to hate the guy i have to hate him but as a man that thinks you have to see what his path was crazy again that's

1:11:18 Went to Tampa, got arrested. Fidel talking to his mother on a daily when she He had really divided the country. But then he switched it on him, and he aligned with Russia, and he became a communist. And Batista, come on. Batista. frauds, apparently. Apparently when you buy podcast. They were talking about cigars. to cigars like people are super into them they get they get you high as fuck, too. This is something that people aren't talking about.

1:14:40 Yeah. You get elevated. a blunt with hash weed and tobacco in it guys and i had never done that before guys i'm not The first time I ever smoked a spliff was with Charlie Murphy. But when you take a drag of weed, you open your lungs up and fill your lungs with the smoke. I think I smoked, yeah, last night on the podcast. I'm scared of them. See, that's what, like smoking, one of the hardest things I ever gave up was smoking cigarettes after you smoke a joint.

1:17:45 Is that what it is? Then another cigarette. Tony says he can quit at any time. And that next morning was when I realized how really fucking bad they are It does a weird little thing to your brain. under the use of tobacco, a small measurable effect. Like I don't, I wouldn't just enjoy right now. I'll do a cup of coffee. Yeah. One hit is really preferred.

1:20:47 Went from 309 to 296 so far excellent, but you know what bro. Here's the stupid thing Joe Rogan Joey, what do you want? Piece of salmon. They fit it in. You get extra points. I don't use butter no more. I could eat Yeah, but eat the butter. I cut around them. don't take a fucking moron to Men never talked about having. And I'm telling you, dog, one thing about

1:23:30 and a little milk and do it You do not touch the white. That's how I do it. and salsa. All that costs you That's a great scene. I mean that that. That's about as good as a human being is ever going to do an impression of what the devil would look like if he was a human being. Remember? It was all that. His rants were fucking phenomenal. chicken the godfather when she told him she had an abortion yeah like really yeah he really had

1:26:50 You're so repetitive. Oh, no. It was one of those ones where you're like, wait, what? Sure. of News Radio. Some of those movies, that if you watch today you're like what the fuck he was definitely on batman right You think of their name, oh, scary movie. George Romero. I was maybe 12 years old, maybe 13. Night of the Living Dead was the first one. I got stabbed.

1:30:46 get a six-pack, split it four ways, And the fucking guy gets... Oh my God, look at this. I'm getting triggered. Yes, you could. You could do this movie. They don hilarious. You could never have this movie today. Yes, you could. I'm getting triggered. This is crazy. I think the climate shift is so bad. They took them out, and now they're petitioning to take octagon girls out.

1:32:49 See who gets hired. with the vagina hats. an American as you are, I'm fucking done. And all of a sudden there was a parade. Every day there's something else. with Brendan and And the kid's mother came out, and she goes, You know I'm saying right you try to do that I go, who does he hang out with, this poor bastard? But you guys are talking about something about there was somebody that got in trouble for a three-year-old,

1:36:42 He's like, this is crazy. You don't even know what's going to happen when you do that. take some chemicals in the middle the stages that the human being goes through before it reaches adulthood and you're not It's just that I'm trying to I'm trying to tell you that I'm finding out about shit now that I bet a lot of you cheered if you're listening to this.

1:39:19 If you want to be a transgender person in your 30s, sure. But that doesn't mean that someone at 16 who thinks they're a woman couldn't absolutely You have every right to do that. I was a karate guy like you. I remember those places. Just so you know, So you would, I knew all about this. Oh my God. put it in a piece of glass tube karate geeks. You know what I'm saying?

1:42:20 People did that. druggies, and I didn't start basketball my freshman year, Aren't they the same? That's mescal, right? those and you struggled for three dollars a piece and that would fuck you up for six hours from the reefer, Oh, you had a rule like a drug addict put something in their nose. And then I finally ended up of Michelob. So me and him would snort it.

1:46:27 Oh, my God. Are you embarrassed to be from here? Liars lying about American American made apparently they make a lot of American That's weird, right? If they put them down in Mexico but they gave them Mazda has one they do go and put these plants in like why is it doing i, I don't I'm all for people being able to work. But is that better? Is that better than the way they were living before when they were living like indigenous people or living like villagers or living like trades people or whatever they did to get by? I don't know. Maybe it is better. Maybe it's let's go back to the whole situation here. I still remember because I'm a little older than you, I still remember where it was

1:49:20 or Nissan advertised the car you got a little bit of grief. It's a suburb outside of Cleveland. Stopping to get gas you know saying right you as a consumer as an American you want to buy We get some of Toyota's stuff, which That's just, I think, I'm just These people don't have anything else going on down there or not as much going on down do you think that this is just going to elevate these people and they're eventually going to catch up with the Western world and live the way that

1:52:18 don't care. They don't care if a guy's making a dollar a week or whatever the fuck they And they're giving these people an Can you imagine a person That's crazy. Joe, we're getting fucked for more labels. That's insane. whatever the fuck they have to do to keep their bottom line down and keep their profits coming in This is one of the craziest unspoken epidemics

1:54:51 And I still talk to Don Sleazy. I saw him at Rouse. and he would put an eight ball in my hand. I want to ask you a question. And I go, I got Xanax at the house. You know, and he called me back. okay you don't tell him in a week i get a thousand of them i could not believe the amount of money for these pills really you know i never was a big pill head but oh my god

1:57:37 First of all, they're obviously very addictive. I need to get a little Oxy. Town of West Virginia. Remember that? That Thursday morning, oh my God, Joe Rogan, as I'm getting ready, I keep thinking like I'm fucking not packing right. But on the road, people or if I'm lonely one night or something, Valium with the and they were 10 milligrams. I'm curious what you think.

2:00:27 And there's other people that take that prescription, and two years later, they're shooting heroin. What kind of pain do you like? like a serotonin burst from certain amounts of pain. Another thing I want to talk to you about, I watched a podcast. Could be a factor. I don't really know much about it. But Romanosky sent me two of his jugs about nootropics from you i don't really know much about it but romanoski sent me two of his jugs it's the shit that neuro one the

2:02:35 cocaine takes the pleasure patterns out of your mind, Yeah. Yeah, he could very well have been out from the night before. There's a couple different ones, apparently. It took me a year and a half just to become a human being, to realize I was fat. I know what you're saying. was empty words. There was no passion behind it. That's why it wasn't funny.

2:05:20 Stimulants ramp up the aggression and the impulsiveness. And I think that's the same with stimulants. Great article. Tate Fletcher. It is an amazing piece. One of the greatest of all time when it comes to stand-up comedy Doug, I read it two times tonight. Ice House. The Ice House is the place. One hour. June in Ice House. I think this is the time for you.

2:07:45 Immigrant Mentality is the perfect fucking name. It's family. I'm going to go show people where I kidnapped Bella. Yeah, I'm ready to shoot this special. is like, this last time I got emotional in Austin. but not only that, to see the growth of comedy We would go to New York and maybe three other places. Yeah, there's a lot of great comedy. MCs were getting $1,500 plus air,

2:10:38 He was just trying to discourage us. That was the bubble. And they brought it to you, and it was just perfect. It was a perfect act, oh, my God. He was funny in 91, bro. I mean, to the point where that place would be overrun with girls. up was people would go to see someone special like kinnison did a special and then he tried to do the Because you're trying to develop your hour on the road.

2:13:19 Tom just put his out. There's no shame. He still does some gigs on the road being MCs and just talks to the crowd. Friday Night. How the fuck do you sell out? Everybody loves him. It might be 20,000. Christ almighty, Joe Rogan. That's nuts. like fucking 10 years ago he was doing that shows on Christmas Eve that's amazing Thank God. He was sold out, but he did a warm up the night before somewhere else.

2:16:43 Like, he's top of the food chain and he's doing a lot of comedy. I enjoyed the shit out of that. They're silly. they called me and I went to the belly flu doesn't require We're doing 30 now. Why you just kept telling me, what are you just saying? I learned that in 99 in the belly room, fucking around. Michael Spinks. Who came out this year? No, I got to go upward.

2:20:18 You have to come out with a flying The belly room you can. That's the belly room. bit. They feel you. I'm doing my 55th birthday And then the 18th, I got the original room. And you just fuck around. I wouldn't do that at the comedy store on a Saturday night. do an edible and have a little shot of alcohol It's a big difference, Joe. That's a gym. Don't you think you need all of it, right?

2:23:23 You know what else I think you need? Who would I be without Eddie? These people, like Bert, they mean a lot to me. plagiarized i have a tower joey diaz and half of that tau is what i learned from joe rogan When I go into a town, I focus on five shows. Let me not go out there and take pictures. Every once in a while on Saturday, you got to have a drink with the audience.

2:25:36 That's why we do what we do. and that's what we're doing right now. I learned from Bill Burr. I learned from Dave. I learned from Tom. I learned from Bill Burr. It's a really good point. And you know who was one of the first guys to do it? Yeah. like when I tape my sets now, I love that Lenny Bruce said shit that you didn't know what the fuck. Malukia is just bad luck.

2:28:26 One thing that's important is we're all real fans of comedy. Mickey told Rocky to do what? No, no, no, no, no. and I pay $5 to do five minutes. I wanted to be accepted as a comedian. and I fucking learn something. Because I still remember bombing and leaving there thinking, I go there some nights. Because from watching those guys, I learn something, I remember something,

2:31:41 of the fuck job you said you had. Back then, I wasn't even He was the king. Hilarious comedian. Very funny guy. everybody else we had thought about, like, you know, you're living, like you're barely If it wasn't for John Leguizamo. You know who, one of the most proud moments And you would go, oh shit, five fucking people in that room. You did that show

2:34:28 you're like holy shit at the store fucking good company you're doing something right That makes my fucking night. There was a lineup last week that was just ridiculous. Well, I'm having the surgery at March 5th. I've been living with plugs when I go to the shower. please don't spill the beans. Oh, no. So now, 50 years later, because of my driving or whatever, now I get car sick.

2:37:03 After a while, you're just like. Some people get it all the time. bluefish fishing 150 pounds back then 154 pounds that was like what what i was weighing when i was competing and uh i never did anything i didn't do anything i didn't drink i didn't smoke pot and then Let me ask you something. there's so many different trials in terms of like civil lawsuits and stuff.

2:39:20 We're changing as a species. But I had creepy things when I moved to this fucking town. part-time you never knew he would suck a dick part-time if you looked at kevin spacey if you fucking hotel room I mean, I'm no fucking Liberace, Look at this fucking Marilyn Monroe. I have a daughter you know what bro alright I'm not That I don't want to do. ball a day. What do you want from me, all right?

2:43:03 1985. And don't fucking call me out. And I want to put a coke rock in your asshole. sell them dick. Well, the ones that coke look? getting go higher and higher. what i'm saying then the next time she comes out she'll come out to tell you a story and her pants But you know what, bro? but I notice it. but now there comes to a paranoia that you're gonna leave the house. But now there comes to a paranoia that you're going to leave the house

2:46:22 I think I was staying with Ralphie, and I went by Gavin's. and I bumped into that animal in the stairway. It was like 30 bucks. Right. And I started swapping spit. That's not the worst of it. I don't know what happened, but I think you should apologize. So he came over to me. She couldn't fucking. I weighed 380 pounds. Someone at our door. Someone dropping something off.

2:49:38 I'm having a good time. Tell me the truth. Why win 20 bucks when you can win 200? What's the next fight on the card? Coming at you from all directions. April 7th, I believe. That's a who-the-fuck-knows fight. Malls people. There was one point in the fight that you said, look at the look. He went into a survival situation. It's not even close. down like, holy shit.

2:52:32 That fucking guy is the fastest switch kick I've ever seen in my life. There was a look on his face to me I've done everything I can. There's certain guys that have a grappling skill And there's a few of those guys out there. I mean, he may have lost rounds on some judges' scorecards, but he's essentially mauled every He can knock you out. Unquestionably yeah him. He wasn't.

2:54:58 and Kevin Lee can go into that fight healthy, if and I've had it before, it's the Weidman on antibiotics. How about that? Staph infections and antibiotics both fuck you up. Oh, shit. Let me tell you something, bro. I think he deserves it. And broke the record. And this is what you miss out with me and everybody. country and he gave immigrants hope bro i was a kid i'd just come from cuba the green hornet on

2:57:55 when I was eight. Bruce didn't make people tougher. That's why Eddie Griffin will always be indebted to me because I gave him a picture of Bruce Lee's grave. And the open casket was glass around him and him Bruce Lee gave hope because the Vietnam war was going on and there was something else going on in this country show. It's called Love. bro. When the Beatles broke up,

3:00:57 People were cracked. White people were cracked, Really? People forgot about Freeze Frame, Angel is a Centerfold. I love you, motherfucker. Immigrant Mentality, coming soon. Yeah.