Joe Rogan Experience #1079 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Boom and we're live Jamie where'd you get that awesome shirt show everybody your shirt can you Yeah. Late 90s, mid-90s. It's a cool shirt. Is it More than almost any other weird Bigfoot-type Loch Ness monster, all the really nutty shit, believe it or not. Who's Jane Goodall again? What am I going to argue with Jane Goodall about primates? Yeah. talking about like a super gorilla it's like not it's it's way scarier than a gorilla because

4:28 I mean, this lady is a fucking biologist badass. They don't just smash but I'm pretty sure Shit. Did you always believe that they existed? Like what finger? Maybe the ring finger? Well, you're going to be amazed when I tell you. about like you know all the way to just comedians. Joey Diaz? you think she's hooked up with a chimp? Sounds like there's some

7:23 989-8255. Are you talking about Yeti or Bigfoot or Saskatchewan? Go ahead. Did you always have this belief that they existed? I mean, everything else is just bullshit. It could be a big bear. the with the feet of these things they seem to think that that somehow or another of every day it becomes way less likely that that's a real thing because there's so many

10:30 it's super possible that something grew to be like that like why wouldn't it be if if we can That's way crazier than Bigfoot. than Bigfoot. They're haunting monkeys, Just let him find a good place to shit. but I'm going to go out there off on a limb. They might have been paid to eat the fuck up, right? bigfoot oh what is this is this today yeah that's a lost lawsuit that's what that is

13:28 They won't recognize Sasquatch. A lot of Bigfoot lovers out there. I mean, it's Bigfoot. There's none of that. looks like a man in a suit and here's the thing the only thing that looks like a man in a suit shapes goes, oh, that's a guy in a monkey suit. the Patterson footage. The Patterson footage is like the most famous footage in all of And there's a picture

16:44 Bob Hieronymus, who's a big cowboy-looking dude. or practice filming with it or something like that some cockamamie It's crazy. believing that barney the dinosaur would exist out there the only reason to give it any credence at yeah like every two feet there's another tree i mean it's just thick with trees. Which reminds me of my favorite Oh yeah. They flew out of

19:36 And then they combed that thing. I think it was only, 71, Like something weird, right? You know what I mean? the uh time should the another crazy mystery one you ever hear that one the guy that was found at He'd been dead. I'm should or something like that. what this piece of paper is from they find the book in another part of australia with the missing

23:21 And it could have been the CIA. but I don't know. I saw someone yesterday with that malarkey yeah summer man tied a mystery death in australia on him. They call him the Somerton Man because that's And now just like won't talk about it. He calls her Pocahontas. I don't know if that's true. me well you could have talked to two other ones who would have said what the fuck out of here with Jane Goodall was willing to accept. She's like, two Native Americans told me.

26:10 they start thinking they hear things that they don't really hear they start thinking they're That maybe he's from another dimension. Imagine if you did, like there was a perfect dose If you saw laser those laser pointers are so weird like assholes point them at planes that's always fun that became like a thing in the movie it was crazy christ yeah we all got in trouble cops never know they never know could it be

29:34 So he runs out in the street, pulls out his gun, almost can't wait. especially before recently, would be able to figure out how to avoid detection somehow or another. exactly what's behind you. on your clothes. The future's scary. What the fuck? Like when it comes to a science fiction type show. Oh, yeah. This could be real. Robot opened up a door.

32:52 And just imagine it with guns everywhere. So it has some kind of intelligence. So they've given it, in a sense, some sort of electronic eyes. that you could teach something to do that is going to be more technological anyway, like the doors even. and how it doesn't seem like there's any end in sight. they're going in for war done it yeah that's what a drone is yeah think about what the drone is what

36:09 bunch of kids that just play wicked video games all day know how to fuck are overseas doing I don't think they're gas powered though. how far can you That's what's happening. ramming where the a lot of the things that are happening are people just getting in a truck or a car and just running people down yeah it's a fairly new thing yeah that started with like i don't know

39:16 We have to figure out why it's happening here so often. You really don't want to do that either, though, shooting situations that's why those guys use them that's why they use them you know all sorts Like, how many times does this happen before something happens? I definitely don't want weapons in schools. of guns that people have today i i think it outnumbers humans i think the number of guns like total in this country outnumber humans insanity even if you

43:34 They just love to shoot pistols at targets. and some dude who was a trained shooter at one of those shooting competition things shot the guy and killed him when he was running around stabbing people at the mall. Like if he was in a Bruce Willis movie, he'd be fucking pumped. Like that guy like kind of a hero like if he was in a Bruce Willis movie he'd be fucking pumped like that guy's kind of a hero yeah like he

44:49 I don't know. one of those big NRA shooting competition type characters this is a terrible whatever the fuck it is, whether it's biological, whatever the fuck it is, Okay, I'm a law-abiding citizen. If you haven't done anything and you would If a guy pointed a gun at you I feel like if I just do weird movements, you could avoid... poorly that they would do that this is where we have to find like the root of what that is. And that sounds very philosophical and hippy-dippy,

48:34 who can do that there's something wrong there's a I also think that there's life their physical health people have all sorts of undiagnosed mental issues and maybe It makes you it's part of it is you don't want to sort of find help. like publicly instantaneously there's a responsibility to show a reaction and I Maybe I'd heard peripherally that something happened,

51:35 It's becoming common and there has to know a way it's i feel like people have become so desensitized that Like this is just the most heartbreaking news you could ever hear right someone decides to go i was standing out front near the uh like the host booth for a second and they get a phone call it's firearms instructor he's he carries everywhere he lives in arizona you could

54:18 if the elevator falls You're fucked. when you're in a place like They love it. Yeah. because i'm the number one chimp you fucks bring my helicopter i'm flying right above these guys so that when they slowly land, I land they get out their state they have people waiting there in full outfit that work for them it's like Oh, there you go. Wow. They have $100 million estates.

58:01 jinx the robert durst one where he came from, That's one of the wildest ones. threatened by in some sort of a masculine way cuz Dave Schultz was like It was his one and only MMA fight in the UFC. The thing that I know for sure really happened is this guy, Big Daddy Goodrich. Very little striking. Very little UFC up until then out there that I would...

1:01:03 And I think he has Stop. decision what how did how did that result? There's a guy named Jordan Burrows who, when he wrestles, Serious drive, man. Yeah. Where is that guy going? Damn, his wrestling is insane. Nowhere. Well, this is what we're seeing, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. Look at that. Where is that guy going? Yeah. But this is all, these are like world championships and stuff.

1:04:07 and gripping and pulling. and hip control and spinning around a guy, But, you know, all this stuff's happening at once. Probably Frankie Edgar's got one of my favorite power doubles ever. Josh Koscheck had ridiculous power in his takedowns. Everyone should know. He decides whether you're going down. as he gets down it's like out with him But still, it's a big guy to train with.

1:07:27 look at that boom for the end of the round and he was still Oh. Wow. Yeah, look at it right there, right there right there right there they'll show it look it's got blood all over his elbow that's just that is a crazy his whole face it was the third round when he came out late, He just smashed him at the end. Lyoto Machida. He's terrifying. people out, standing, leaping

1:10:17 a pleasure to get to watch is a real outlier physically he's gonna make such a good pro wrestler in a few years oh if he does And the way these people live and train, like, they are all in, man. What would that guy have been like when he was 30? That's amazing. He's a scary guy, and he's getting better. That guy at 30, I mean, he's a world champion right now.

1:13:03 then he would have kept picking away at it. that have been able to survive it you know but the most impressive one um i mean Rafael Cavalcante. since the Feijau fight. I want to guess it was an extra 15 seconds. Yeah, then it was round. That's a long time. He could have easily been KO'd. There's a minute and a 30-second break on top of that. Asterisk.

1:16:33 yeah but he was sitting there he was sitting there and they didn't and Tim Kennedy's standing Can't take a 30 second break. But he's in a terrible situation where he wants the fight to continue, And they don't want to be the party pooper in-house. But take that away because, you know, that's unfortunate, but shit happens. Wow. He's a tank. I mean, he's just one of the freak of freaks.

1:19:19 Or a Herschel Walker. Look at that. Oh, two years ago. Yeah. necessarily lift weights. Okay. like not that tall but he had thighs and hips where he would just keep running he would just I'm not even kidding. Yeah. And Brock cracked this dude. See, the dude hits him here. That is a freak. People were like, combine. Because somebody made Because you can see, compared to all the other athletes,

1:24:32 so that it wasn't such an alien thing to him When we got him, he was in his 30s already. Try faking that. when he was in high school and when he was a young wrestler. for 30 reps but I know there's guys who do more than that for 30 reps. That's a lot of fucking reps, man. That's crazy. 50. Do you think a guy could Who is it? Imagine if they just made field goal kickers

1:27:22 That seems so crazy. And you can't get hit? The designated kicker? Has that always been the kicking, you can't kick their leg. Unless you're about to he did illegal right there not at all not at all no he's just now part of the team he can go hit like call things out it's very strategic very much chess and that's why bill belichick and tom Yeah, when you think about a pro football team,

1:30:17 All these people were trying to strategize. to make you think like, oh, we saw them do that. It doesn't seem the same. a john jones he's gonna get hit hard too there's no getting around it. They used to sell those tapes. They're like the biggest hits years ago. Yeah, I've seen some of the inside of your skull if you're receiving that hit and i don't think there's unless another guy's

1:32:50 That we always thought about concussions, oh, you got hit in the head, you got a concussion. But just getting kicked to the body fucks your brain up. projectile like out cold and cold and puked that's dangerous man you could choke on your own vomit normal tackle but he that's been one of the top linebackers every year. Is that real? and then you see a tackle like that that leads to a guy being paralyzed,

1:35:51 Would you want it to change? probably be using. I don't know if that would help so it doesn't snap you back. But you have to do a totally different thing when you're not padded up. It used to just be two people or two teams would line up, me into a soccer fan, but it just didn't take. Yeah. I think The Rock is awesome. i'm walking by myself and there he is walking straight at me by himself and i literally like

1:38:55 I follow him on Instagram. because it was just so ridiculous that he would always wind up on the top rope i used to be a fan of bob backland you remember bob yeah of course i was like he's a no-nonsense See, he was just, for whatever reason, he wasn't appreciated enough. That's, Ric Flair invented it. Here it is. Drops. Like right there, it's good if you can get to that.

1:41:32 I've tested that. Well, what I'm Is he stepping on his dick? Okay, that's a heel hook. So who's supposed to be getting hurt here? No, you time out, motherfucker. I don't even know what this is. You clamp your hands together. Is that what you're doing? There's the inverted finger for this one, maybe. The other guy is basically triangling his lower leg.

1:43:40 Let me see it one more time. He should have wound up on top But you have to be almost dead for them to be able to do all that shit. time yep and under and under his nose the inside of his wrist. Whoa, you can tap now? Is this a new thing? How long have they been tapping out? Right. He made guys tap. of your love. But at one point, it was Mr. Socko when he was working with The Rock and they had the

1:46:09 the crowd goes crazy. Heck yeah. I think you were perhaps weeks away from becoming a pro wrestling fan. I mean, you're definitely going to watch highlights. But pro wrestling's fun, man. Yeah. They have their own Joe Rogan type who's doing the voiceover. fuck it is that's on tv swamp people or people making moonshine all all that stuff. I don't have any desire to watch any more reality.

1:48:43 All the time. those Alec Baldwin ones, most popular show? You're silly. People come see my stand-up. Dude, you're funny. And range. Let them free, Tony Hinchcliffe. That's not important. In the middle of the day one day, I was working the phones on the second floor in the phones room where like the booker's room is now. And I looked to my right, right where that other door is.

1:52:12 No, it was indoors. spooky smoke it could have been perhaps a reflection off of headshots but there was the air you'd be walking by going oh great i'm breathing in that it's scary but the kicker those It shaped like a human sort of sort of a little bit like it seemed like it had like Casper it does sound ridiculous but again so do people yeah people sound ridiculous like if we were in

1:55:11 fucking freaked out you wouldn't be able to believe that this one organism is capable of Crazy. I'm bringing back fresh. It has to be. Well, that's cool. use them a lot and then like certain words you get you get they get used so at the tip of my tongue. cool and everybody starts saying it yeah there's a bunch of them. Totes my goats. You know what I say, and I really mean it?

1:57:58 Men love it. They tell you Tony Hinchcliffe's a fun guy. I was about cooking something up with me fucking harp and some asshole You ever watch Vikings? And you get to about episode four, it starts cracking, I don't know how much of this is, like, really, really accurate a thousand years ago but fuck it's interesting it makes you wonder like how how would i survive

2:01:22 set up one of them amazon gift accounts that some gals have, Instagram fame Little sleeping hat up top His feet. How does that work? Is that what this is? Debbie's feet are rabbits! And then someone come along and go, I got an idea. Each feet with its own... Yeah. You do? Wow. I think ever wear anything weird to bed? Yeah. It's allowed to sleep in.

2:04:04 Whoa. It's men who get upset at Wonder Woman. I don't care. One of them where a woman was asking think white people couldn't go see shaft when blade came out 98 did white people stay home hey, this gives all of us hope But how the fuck did it change so much from when Blade was around? chopping vampires up with swords and shit it was a fucking badass movie that

2:07:06 shooting off the cuff so what you're getting is not an accurate representation of how people feel Like all you know, all crazy. Not talking about Who gives a fuck? Like, who gives a shit if it's... and yeah everybody's got to meet in the middle it's a crazy time everybody's got to meet in the So if there's always been stuff like that, it's a natural human inclination that we have

2:10:32 he's a real african-american yeah like legitimately but obviously there's a difference For sure. Like like there's no way You know, the entrance is instantaneous. You're just going to take everybody that looks like you? It's crazy. It's so stupid and they moved the goalposts too because I'm a white guy now We almost lost our distinction Yeah. Yeah.

2:13:03 his side. sort of style of cooking is not the same out here at all i literally last night for valentine's day my wife and i thought out a container of my mom's sauce that she sent out in a frozen block and had And most people smarter than me attributed to the water. Yeah. They feel different when they go in your mouth. get a good, solid New York-style bagel out here for a cheat day.

2:15:03 What do they call that shit? Shawarma, right? Fuck yeah. We have taco trucks here, though. I wish we had more time today. You got to talk. You got to read off the menu. A few of those guys understand English, but the food is insane. ordering things so you have to you have to order you know dos quesadillas you gotta you gotta talk It's a weird sort of texture.

2:16:55 there's always those creepy carrots for some reason yeah some people like those carrots but how legit is that unique place i was just thinking very unique to the coast because like Don't lose your ticket. 100 years old but when you go in there you get a ticket 1888 wow wow wow that's crazy god damn 1888 and i bet they ran it just the way Yeah. Yeah, remember that?

2:19:17 But Ross, we just randomly ran into. that there's something special about a place that's been used We did UFC there. Carnegie Deli is gone. Hmm. He's, like, crossing his arms. Tony's a Greenblatt guy. I'm more into pro wrestling. That's wrong. Get the fuck out of here. It's an old, old, old recipe. Dum, dum, dum. Turn the water into broth. Yeah. It's not my intention.

2:22:57 but i don't know if i ever told it to you i was doing a show for cbs called game show in my head You ready to do this? And, dude, people just did did it it was the weirdest thing I'm in a real bad situation. Game show in my head. And then all of us sit back, or like Jane Goodall's like, I talked to two Native Americans and they told me. maybe you only see a glimpse of him

2:25:47 if you could say like with a hundred percent certainty, It's actually a little bit scarier. And I'm like, I saw that thing earlier today here. crazy we were going to rooms freaky when it's dark I don't even like and being in the back in the main something because it is it's contained and you got Mitzi's unopened, sealed-off office People don't even know about that.

2:28:45 does it that way and i'm not saying there's anything wrong with the way the other people do And, obviously everything was prior Robin Williams, Andy Kaufman, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Williams, Andy Kaufman, blah, blah, blah, blah.

2:29:40 It's a gigantic black. Do you ever think that we would get progressive enough where you could wear rubies? challenge believe that yeah the lipstick challenge. Believe that. After that, you could wipe it off. like Miranda Sings. Do you know who Miranda Sings is? You're going to have to do your lips like that. Perfect. You should do a special. Boy, Gucci Mane looks so much better now.

2:31:52 happy he's out of jail and he's in all these pictures out of jail right isn't he like yeah see even i know he's killing it in the rap game he just So they're like the Ying Ying Twins, but better than like with an extra member. Go big with that. and you'll be sitting here hating. those Bitcoin fanatics, they're rabid. And not necessarily just Bitcoin either,

2:34:03 Antonopoulos is in there. So I don't really just decided to do it and everybody that someone stole a shitload of recently? So the biggest one is Bitcoin. Golden pony dollars. Then, once you set that up, You're funny. And when they want out, they're like, fuck this Golden Pony money. stays in the group. Oh. So there's only a certain amount of Bitcoin. I don't

2:37:15 Like this is the Bitcoin that I, you know, No, it's very confusing. worth more or less, to my shows and when i buy shit i want to buy shit only with this stuff but it's real money so here what would happen how you you would have to exchange some money or another cryptocurrency deem your currency valuable you can exchange it for my currency or another currency and that's

2:40:25 of people have made money off youtube but we're dealing in dollars and whatever in the old system say it's hard for people to get paid it's hard for people to get people to pay for digital stuff Well, it seems like if everybody decides to accept Dogecoin. it's going to take before we shake ourselves of this system. build an account overseas and avoid it that way.

2:43:50 way you know that's if that works out and crypto coins become a real thing we have this new super secure thing that Elon Musk figured out and now take a test online? Have you ever done one of of those and at the end you like press send and you press you Yeah. i don't mean illegally i mean like saying hey go out and vote for this guy you know or kim

2:46:10 Falling apart could get you the role. And then he went crazy, and he checked himself into a... but the scrutiny compounded it with no question at all. obviously shouldn't be president, Yeah, exactly. Make your awesome music yeah exactly That's the whole thing. like there's a test for the driver's license? Like, you don't have to at least know how to run the country.

2:48:31 Yeah. He had his own university. How are you laughing Jamie? I don't know. Are you kidding me? that he's just, I mean. He's got to be a little insulated from some of it, though. Not like that. cold stunner and it's pretty bad i'm gonna be honest i love stone cold okay okay one of the See, I know my shit, dude. And they let him drink one in the middle of the fight?

2:52:15 to stun. Here you go. bad things that have been happening it does it hurts every time well you know you need higher which became his big finishing move, especially a big, strong guy like you. Like, I would not recommend doing it that way oh look at the rock Yeah. But it's not 100% illegitimate. Yeah, he's jumping. it's not a pad. What is that thing?

2:55:21 Why did he do that? That's one of the crazy things. When someone does something like that, This is Hell in a Cell, 1998. Well, it's a wide field. Yeah. Where does he throw him onto? doing it like uh that ninja show that's obviously it was on boxes yeah obviously that's protected Or was that an accident? a play imagine if there's a play where you break your leg i mean remember people were criticizing

2:58:48 The thing snapped. No. but I might have been making this up. go wrong in those arenas people have died yeah yeah owen hart fuck you know about owen hart right Where are we? Oh, I didn't realize that's what we were doing.