Joe Rogan Experience #1096 — Todd Glass Transcript

Transcript

0:00 With insulated walls put in five four three two one someone's got a new Netflix special Like by the time I'm even now I've gotten it better on the road. The Lyric is in L.A. Oh. It's sort of a, what's the word? But I want it small, but like it's a jazz club in New York City, cement and i met him down there and he's, I'm thinking of opening up a club.

2:40 That's awesome. Right. I've done it a few times, and of course, it's... I love little rooms. I was jealous. This is a better room. What you just said, and I'll take it as a compliment, the other comedian that's in the I mean, not forever, but yeah, I know what you mean right away. You're sitting here. You're going to say goodbye to your friend for a little while. Yeah, this shit, oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're sitting here.

5:17 Like you're working in a half restaurant. But so I started making this announcement, and I would tell people, because I do my own pre-show announcement. Play a little house music. But guess what once someone made me do it you'd enjoy the show better and they do Yeah, you hire them. I know. I've done it too. I'm totally a hypocrite when I saw honey honey with

7:30 You're going to miss some stuff. don't I get it but um the I I changed my pre-show announcement when I went to see I know what it was. And you pull it out near your knee. This is a really new thing. But once that iPhone came out, and once people started doing a bunch of stuff and apps and stuff on your phone, it changed the whole game. But it just seems like in the past,

9:54 No. I feel like this is like we're in a movie. Like, loving it for what's great about it. And I left my phone in the car. It doesn't have to always be. So you make like a loophole. Good conversation, right? Can I tell you something? What else? Oh, I have a question for you. Did I interrupt? No, no, no. pack and a half a month is pretty it wasn bad? Pack and a half a month is pretty...

13:37 It's not even close? say with a vaporizer. I know. has to do with the fire interacting with the plant that connects you to nature there's like Like, whoo! It's a different thing. They yell at you when you can't do it. Do you know what jumbo is? Give him a shout-out. It's always fun to experiment. Let's just don't blame you. Let me have a little Good enough

16:53 I am exhausted from dealing with, don't it's not portions i know what portions are i just i want to eat more so it's all down don't want split the difference at least with what you're saying you don't want discomfort He said that I should eat. He told Joe Rogan, and you can go listen. This is a problem with discipline in comedy. you know what i'm saying like you'd be too disciplined too rigid too determined and and

19:39 They are funny. And never. And maybe that's better. But, no, there's a billion ways to do those things that you use pot to do without the pot, obviously. no nothing. Just everybody in the class breathing is a 90 minute class. There's some sort of You're doing something to your body that radically alters the way you think okay you're doing something to your body

22:18 If you don't, you're like an overflowing battery or something. And then we realized, wow, that really stopped us. it on. I don't feel like walking over and turning off. Nope. Even if it's jazz off. And I ask You naturally do after like a second because you need to. going to go throughout the whole day and then oh put our food okay blah yeah i don't know of course

24:36 and see like some crazy view tense moment and get out of it, Then it becomes, can you be stoic? again like right now you don, you have zero jokes, you already know, right? Don't get upset. oh, I can't believe I'm 21 again You'd be 21. If you said that to a brain surgeon, you want to start from scratch, already was doing that's what i was doing oh so you were already yeah but i didn't i didn't want

28:53 the idea that everybody's starting on the same page is ridiculous. did most people get the a everybody got an people that needed to be motivated they just didn't they couldn't they would If he has been going up at Oh, you mean? But Blake Wexler is a comedian. He was with his dad. We talked. Hey, I got your friends on the guest list for Thursday. but it's just from me to him.

32:26 You see the friendship grow. is just too painful fuck this and what other job is that painful when you when you fuck up i know Some door guy told me I'd get, he goes, you're going to get a weekend. Yeah. want to guess it's one Oh out of a hundred well it's when you say it that Maybe three. Oh, when they come in, you mean? Probably more. two things either you see someone where you go that person is fucking never going to be a stand-up

36:12 where you go, on something pretty fair. Some people just, their brain's not working right. But you have, like, the others. or three or whatever, there's so many things that aren't there right like you're going after stupid laws and dumb shit that happened and Isn't it shivs? We'll be back. It is. I went and enjoyed it. So think about if you're writing about someone.

39:53 Well, then when you're on stage and it's just you, hanging on your every word? No one gets hurt because you're making fun of Hitler. stand-up right people are paying to see you and you you're supposed to be getting laughs right So they get to that spot and they go, fuck that. you were right. You were like, okay, all new stuff show I think it was that I forget what it was but uh that show you're

42:50 Six weeks? That's more than fair. Wow, three was dangerous. If I videotape myself, maybe I'd learn. was, well, I'll make up a punchline. It was blue. But you know what? Then I realized instantly, That's a perfect dismount. Those like, that's like, Jesus Christ. did you do do the um text uh speech to text yes where you just talk into it and write your notes

46:02 remember it in the morning and i go to to sleep. And I still pull that shit. Why do I? so i just convinced myself it wasn't that funny in the first place but what's great is that that drugs I still do, but I used to too. So you do any Mitch Hedberg joke as Rodney, and it's, you know. So my friend asked me if I still do that. There's so many used to,

47:53 It's a solid dismount. one of the more amazing even though his jokes didn't segue together like they seem you're still you knew who he was by his He just wanted to just chill out and giggle. seriously underrated comedian and his style there was a great article about it recently didn't we talk joke could be it was still rodney but it would be like this is more of a joke a comedian would tell

50:41 And then there's a lot of, you know, just there's short little stories, but they're not. And then all of a sudden, I saw him. Remember Bob Nelson? Yes. Bob Nelson opened for him. And then I just saw it delivered like the best of the best of the best. They got bigger and bigger. i got to see rodney when i was 19 when when I was working as a security guard at Great Woods.

52:49 Great Woods is like 12,000 He didn't give a fuck. I hadn't even thought about doing stand-up yet, You can't see Fred Flintstone. What is that between his legs? He's an animal. What do you think? It's canceling out. Joke like that. That's a weird thing when someone feels like they're too good looking for the other person in the relationship. People like different shit.

55:59 I think this is addressing what you're saying. And then you realize one day you wake up. They learn that by what you tell about past stories. I go, let me say this because I don't want this to be the day where I threw you off. And then he was like, I don't want to be delusional. hanging out with adults right you know when i was a kid i think one of the things that took me a

58:23 You wanted to Charles Bronson your way through life. You you know that's a lot of guys tried to do yeah and um that not understand like we well no of course it's the same thing that's why i always say that like i'm i'm comfortable having Relationships the it's the same problems. It's not like you go. Oh, yeah, we don't have the crazy women bad relationships and turn on other people and every person has the same gender and also like

1:01:02 Everybody who's listening knows what it is. when I've met so many? forced to live together right but i wish it wouldn't be cool if there was like where can you even know what you want to do and they want you to do something that's going to pay a lot of money Yeah, and you're free of the fucking parents. but mostly tomorrow is the better day. And it makes me want to be like a progressive bully.

1:04:19 But you still, You don't want gay marriage? Yeah, no, there's definitely some merit in that. and was in it for like, I think he said eight years i went down this road and i just other people were doing the thinking for me and we were all doing it for each and ruthlessly mock each other. in a way like there's got to be some way to communicate your ideas in a friendly way.

1:07:03 I don't see it when I agree with the person. God damn it, Halsey's so close. is always a canyon i think it's also you have the ability so someone is going to attack you That's why I said I... I have a few times, and there's even one post I want to take down because it's a woman that's heckling me. You know, don't. communicate their disagreement can change how it gets resolved you know and but what always happens

1:09:53 They it's very defensive because they're feeling like someone's coming after their guns. if it wasn't for this thing. shit happen over and over and over again. around their friends that got shot, More kids are going to get shot. Just stop. So that's just letting someone know I'm back fist with the back of their hand. It's not protected. So that's just letting someone know, I'm so dismissive of you.

1:12:28 stop and i guess there are but when uh when they say you know you should learn see rick rick uh So you're saying John Lennon would be alive if Yoko Ono knew CPR? doesn't even make any sense. Rick Santorum is a Republican. They immediately go, oh, that's a left-wing liberal idea. Like, you should say, I would love to have a dialogue with you. But here's what you can't do. You can't disrespect

1:14:49 you got this one thing you're standing on the stage in front of 300 people three of them just it was his way of saying look i get it what it must feel like to not be able to be heard and You can just decide that you have a group now, and your group may very well be valid. We need to be concerned with poverty, education, health care, It's because this subject is like, it gets so exhausting.

1:16:58 It was a weird way that I thought about it. that march. and someone said, I go kids overwhelmingly kids And he really didn't know anything about the he didn't really know about he was he was not you know And people felt the wrath of that almost very quickly. Well, yeah, I'm acknowledging that, but that was in my head. It's going to put thousands of people out of jobs, if not millions.

1:20:30 but one motherfucker of a superpower, and that's us. And this is like they're expelling Russian diplomats and all this crazy shit's going down. Freedom's number one. Are there any? right when i was in high school or no i was uh right when i was starting to do stand-up that's offshore drilling. That scares the shit out of me. He saw the benefit of doing this,

1:23:38 All this social stuff, I mean, I feel like That's hilarious. And you see what happens when – have you ever seen pictures of him with Dennis Rodman? I know Trump hired Omarosa Like LeBron? There they are together. He was a big Korean kid. Wow. The people that have escaped have had horrible fucking parasites in their body. You know what they have to do?

1:26:39 You're supposed to meet together. Do you ever hear something and you're like, I should know that? on this podcast Henry Rollins was. was there a purpose? I always, And I'm like, that's a guy that's like looking at it the right way. He's crazy. No shows you shows anymore doesn't do shows anymore. He does spoken word performances. He doesn't do any music anymore

1:29:14 Well, it sounds like something. He went to North Korea too. Do whatever he wants. And now it's like a, altering burst that you give yourself. And then he's got to actually survive. there's something about going to those places though though, right? Oh, of course. Even the few places I've gone. Oh, really? And we went, we shot are comfortable. And then at the end, we did.

1:32:26 She was singing that Dolly Parton song, Jolene. It would interrupt a conversation. Even though I love and that a magician is going to come over and come to the table Just because we're in a public place doesn't mean you can join in. And then it's not even his fault. You're going to walk around the tables and do magic in front of people. i'm always wishing yeah we're just into this intense conversation yeah it depends on how high

1:34:42 It's not like something that happens a lot. Inside with all the, they have like Popeye's That's crazy. For olders? How old is the Comedy Works in Denver? But still, we're in the 80s, right? intimate 90 people maybe you done it yeah yeah fuck the curtain that goes amazing you know that's It's like a big deal. So I love that that room is great spot a lot of fun in that room

1:37:56 He was working on some sort of a door deal, and he thought there was more people in the room than the club owner told him. Number one, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah. and then there was, like, still 50 more fucking people. Could be. I know what you're going to say, though. The club owners don't want to book you. And you're like, but I make more now.

1:40:29 We should all figure out a way to be nice to each other. They're so important. Like Portland, the helium in portland philadelphia I know of him, yeah. Did you work at Big Cobbs? And as long as, because it is true, it's like I'm not unaware of what you're saying Well, it's just that when you're not getting booked, it's real easy to develop that sort

1:42:54 was that was out of protest between the comedians uh protesting against the club right they walked There's a lot of good little communities, too, where guys put together a comedy night somewhere. And I could just walk down there and go to go past the bar to this back room, like 95 i think yeah it was weird it's weird little comedy like there's this whole uh another

1:45:15 I heard that comedy. There's some comedy scenes. Okay. Oh, okay. She makes the scene. She shaped so many comics, man. comedians can be a nightmare to deal with some of them are just crazy. Yeah. Some of them, you just can't do it. How come you don't talk to blah, blah, blah anymore? So it also says we're not delusional when we complain about clubs because it says, yeah, we get it.

1:48:18 No, you are trying to be fair. Here's me on the phone. Yeah, it's diarrhea man because they're excited about what they're saying There's no fun in that. say yeah we've all done that somebody cuts you off or someone's on their phone they almost slam the younger, the more understandable. in the other car as if they're a giant friendly linebacker, don't ever say I'll fuck you up.

1:51:56 we'd all get along great. I'm like ducking under dudes' elbows and shit trying to get to the weight stacks. They're not even the same thing as you. Just not being able to express yourself? and someone's doing something or you and trying to stay calm. Exactly. That's good. I was not rich at the time, but I did have a white suburban And I guess white suburban made you think,

1:54:15 I go, did you take your shirt off ass you fucking faggot you rich piece of shit i'm like rich piece of shit wow bye and i just There's no way he knows anything. What's going on? You're always ready to do this. That's why when I go to my house to Silver Lake, some people want to get on the highway. Because on the side road, I can handle it. It's chill.

1:56:43 Bad motherfuckers that live right there on the road. And if they're coming up the hill, like, you're coming down the hill, the same kind of asshole-ishness, we got a real problem here. I always think that, like, on the highway, when there's an apartment building so close to the highway, Maybe they run from the, I don't know. great it's beautiful like stunning but if that keeps going right then it becomes this monolithic

1:59:29 does that mean you're kidding if you, I think you go back to like the eighties, what is, what we've done this before. And I know Okay. But you know what? Like the population, we just live in a society that, oh, you have kids, have kids. even like oh that's true but what about that out what about just um i mean elon musk is pretty much This is not something we could have had

2:01:55 There's political issues with that. to switch over to electric they because he had his installed and hooked up for months before it uh They can prevent you. power anymore, but thanks. No, you will be I mean, they can sell I'm just going to stretch it out a few months. You've got to keep paying me for a few months. If they can just do truth to what you're saying. There has to be.

2:04:18 They're just going to get in there and just start drilling. That's the number one thing. we need to be able to talk so freedom of speech is hugely fucking important when it comes to being the other day and handed me a note I I have to pee. How long have we gone? Just me too. And it was delicious, right? Yesterday, I ate egg rolls. anymore it just doesn't want to do that anymore because I've been eating so clean, so regularly, that just a couple of days of pasta and bullshit and egg rolls and my body was like, fuck you.

2:07:26 Most people are doing all day. I mean, I'll... you're taking in the artwork of these people beets, every single day. When you do do that stuff and juice, one of the things that they say, we should probably look this up right now because I'm obviously not a nutrition expert. yeah i that's different they're saying this that's they're just saying that uh vitamin d is very

2:09:31 I eat dinner. I'm going to want candy. I'll just there and I'll be like you know what I'm gonna eat I'm gonna want candy I get candy when they're at the Vaughn's oh Reese's Cups I said get some Reese's C What kind? Oh, Reese's Cups, I said. gone. Love, love Chocolate ice cream. There's something about ice cream and some cakes, like a warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream.

2:11:14 Holy shit. McDonald's should do this. call it their You shouldn't be telling them there to need it. They drop it in hot. Yeah, bang, bang. This isn't McDonald's. a big seller. Those apple pies are not You can either do two things. That sounds like you're doing God's work. They want to talk about, like, I say this with a lot of foods. Deliver it to a table.

2:14:55 They put it in the oven. Wow. Oh, I didn't think of the sausage. Let's see. I can't believe someone would like pineapple on pizza. Pineapple and anchovy. It's almost what you just described, but not quite, and it looks actually kind of gross. Oh, wow. the outside rather, because it's all just that doughy shit anyway. It might be good. Look, it's Ground meat. I went to see the Genghis Khan exhibit at the Reagan Library.

2:17:45 or they invented like a shitload of things. And then someone figured out but I like the stance of, I'm not saying it. Would you ever consider killing an animal that you were going to eat? No. Yeah. You shot a man in Reno? And then he goes, Yeah. guys. A black comic. I think so. Oh, nice. We've already been on it. Tenderized under their saddle? Horsemen would put a slice of horse meat beneath their saddle in the morning and retrieve it, tenderized by the pounding, to eat raw for dinner.

2:21:51 Use the bathroom. It says it's been passed around as a myth from since like 1924. And it was supposed to be representing the shields that the Mongols would cook on back when we shot a deer, he pounded it flat. It's fucking badass. I want to see that. Look at this. for bad, unless you were trying fucking bananas and he sharpened it yeah that is crazy wow gave it a handle oh my god and then put

2:24:33 Why would you care? He's just showing that he can do it. It's one of those. Tell people about your special first. Right, and who the hell would have not forgotten? These two things I think, and I think I would have learned my lesson because my book I wanted to call, of that, of this, and out. thing other stupid things I said to keep the closet door shut because there's a

2:26:52 Well, you're Yeah. being a person. Be able to look at things be honest about it and say, this is why I thought it was real. If you're 45 years old and you haven't had – I'm just throwing out numbers. Marijuana. I want to do so. Okay. So if it's not, it doesn't have to be everything. your change we'll be back right after this joe rogan's our guest. He'll be at the...

2:30:23 you get in there. Okay. Jazz Texas. I'm going to go Right. Just make a mad Yeah. El Paso's the closest? But hey, don't go there. Todd Glass Comedy at Gmail. Oh, Todd. Then I'll be at the Blue Room. punch me in the face. June 21st is exhausting. That was great. That was so much fun. Act happy.