Joe Rogan Experience #1142 — Tony Rock Transcript

Transcript

0:00 four three two one boom Tony Rock yeah that's a bold choice and shirt sir I like that thank Everybody's like, I need an iPhone. they just decide iPhones are badass you go with what you like man A side something or another? What was that called? What was it called? The sidekick, was it? What was it called? The fanny pack is back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leather?

2:12 That's very naked and afraid-ish. I got one that I wear when I run. You can cheat with your music. Right. Yeah. You just got to hear shit. They need you to help them take an Instagram picture. A lot. Oh, yeah, that's right. You just see the pictures, One of the weirder ones is getting down to just being famous for photographs. So why would I be upset ever at someone who's making something that I like to look at? Right no yeah exactly so why would i be upset i appreciate ever at someone who's

5:25 vacationing all the time to think that we're doing better They treat you like you're at the level what do you get out of that? You you can make a living off that yeah right i see comics doing it all the time yeah there's a comics or kyle Dude, he's genius. Dude, I swear to God, I cry. The build up. There's this white box. Hey, Kanye, Kim's lost again.

7:51 Yeah, Kim, shut the fuck up. He's so silly. There's nothing like, here's me at the movies. His page is basically like a channel. I'm telling you. He's nailing it. You can download that. I mean, we know he's not those people, Just some new thing opens up and some comic goes, oh, look at this. Here's. Come on, man. I have to follow Kyle. I think you're one of the funniest guys alive.

11:14 Something like that. That was a thing, like a couple guys after your set were like, who whoo there was some heavy hitters on that one that night it was uh Me, Tripp, Corey Holcomb. Corey Holcomb's super funny. Yeah, super funny. I see your brother day one. This is bullshit. I never know what to say, what not to say. Joey does jujitsu. I got to see him.

13:15 Joey Diaz gets down. No woman in his life? Like, you really do have to take care of your body or it's going to fail. We'll get sick. That balance that you have to have. They just figure out, oh, well, this just counteracts all the biochemical responses that your brain creates when it needs sleep. But that one right there, that is terrible. And I know there's no supporting big tobacco.

16:05 I'm not sure about that. No. They put like a brick in a Coca-Cola and it just dissolves the brick. Why is it the things that taste good That's how they get you That's the thing. out of town i just go fuck it i just do i do good most of the time we're talking food or just bad Right. The cheese that's made with raw milk as opposed to cheese that's made with homogenized and pasteurized milk.

18:30 surgeon. Because the cheese is They want milk to be able to stay on the shelf because all of our surplus or one of those sprouts sometimes has raw milk. and organic vegetables. a couple of months ago. jolted into your system. Dude, when you're drinking this stuff, your whole body's going, what in the fuck is all Yeah, you feel great, but how does the toilet feel?

21:12 Medium chain triglyceride oil. I mean, close, like a sprint away. Yeah, dude. It is very hard to eat healthy on the road. Those are two good things to bring. Well, don't listen to me then. Whoa, peanuts grow on the ground. I did not know that. Did you know that? Wasn't that his brother? No, he was a peanut farmer. Picture a peanut tree. You always picture squirrels with peanuts.

24:09 yeah it kind of grows yeah you go some of these plants The blowfish, that guy, that first guy. An inch to the left or inch to the right That probably doesn't make it taste better I don't know this fucking guy Dead. about uh how fear i know amazing things are right on the other side of fear yeah so he's been doing Yeah. I forget what it was. And I watched the first one.

27:20 Like, I would watch the show. A lot of those people that ate food, man, that they shouldn't have had to eat. They were PAs, production assistants. scare me. What scares me is like the bungee cords under the helicopters type shit. That be like, it's coming up. Yeah, but that didn't scare me. What scares me is the bungee cords under the helicopters type shit.

28:42 You just eat it. Oh, is that what they do with them? that's cauliflower you eat it or they say it's You get it out of a steer. Sad life. Yeah, if that doesn't bother you, what kind of person are you? What are you doing to it? In the box? Yeah. And just, oh. Oh. Yeah. Now, who's the person that came up with that one? can't eat wild meat. I'm very aware of that argument.

31:07 mountain lions out there and bears That's bad too to be out in the wild living your life you're an elk or a and then a man a human walks into this forum They will walk right through your fucking living room and stomp your kid to death, okay? but moose are. Moose will fuck you up. I've never seen a moose live. The fuck Yeah, there's moose in Alaska.

32:58 It's delicious. Right. I just want good tasting food. It falls off the bone. It's horrible. Still on a farm? We leave the door open. But they know where they live. They hang around where they're going to be fed at because they're wild animals. They fuck every bug up. Every bug's them. They eat mice. They chase Do they eat? The chicken's like, bitch, give me that.

36:15 The cat was like, you got it. No, chickens are too crazy. 13. That's an asshole move. They do have chickens. neighborhood where like everything was in spanish all the signs were in spanish everything i was Because we eat chickens. How are you, sir? We shake this box of dried mealworms, and as soon as they hear that, they come running. Yeah. tell him you'll love him the most if he does it.

39:08 But not smart for a person. say some shit where you're just exploring it. was to say it's fucked up with chickens too. Why shouldn't we love chickens just as much? murderers you guys are killing ants and she started laughing you know she thought it was But we decide that that's okay. Weird, right? Buddhists, you would think, though, they would. Well, that one was.

41:23 Why not just sweep them outside? if you're a Buddhist chicken eats They should have chickens outside the ashram. then immediately empty the vacuum bag destination in landfills via runoff and they used something of proportionate size to suck you off the earth, What if there's no vacuum cleaner? But I think ant eaters just like to get to and then you got to bring in ants.

43:57 It is a terrifying video. Back up, sir. I saw a picture. That's the lion saying We Even That's a good boy It's following him Way too close to him man He could have easily decided that. You know it's real, but you don't believe in it. The danger? Like my world doesn't involve being somewhere that close to a bear. One of the craziest things you could ever.

46:22 Yeah. Some insane number. God. how we said like that's real. That's a good question. Okay. Oh, yeah. That's a weird statistic. as in the hills of we're not protecting those people. if there was a place statistically in another part of the world, shooting at the helicopters as we rescue them, right? Right. Well, you just look at the real That is insane.

50:46 happened why they have this segregation there and what it was all about go to chicago man it's like It's a process, man. All right, you're a man now. My big brothers are this way. You're born right question it. It's like my father's been this way My grandfather's been this way my uncles are this way my big brothers are this way Probably never went on vacation to the South to visit grandparents

53:01 This guy, I don't like this guy because he has on red and I have on blue. Yeah, that's what's – literally worked 80 hours a week 80 so just to see him go every day, like, You know, it was like my friends, Crack was people that are alive today or young kids today, Done. Yeah, I started losing friends. That's what happened. I remember it well. Yeah, it was a weird crime wave, too. Yeah, I started losing friends.

54:59 Yeah, we going to play ball later. corner on the payphone this is beeper days you know beep right and you got to turn and the guy ran up on him while he was returning a beep and just tried to rob him That's why I don't – it's not missed on me. Eight hours a day? Wow. and they did not like it. but it was like, you're going to work. He's working. Wow.

57:45 that's smart don't fuck with the rock brothers and what a Nobody's coming to save you. Lady across the street could grab you and make you sit down on the stoop until your mother came home. cuffed her right in the face, man. She fell, this lady fell on the ice and my cousin just happened for something that wasn't even real. There's always somebody who died, right?

1:00:20 It's insane. in the hallway, and then they realized i think in some places maybe it was a law that's's not a law. They just sell you a house. Hey, people get crazy in this neighborhood. I haven't experienced one, so I don't give it much thought, put it that way. advantage great teacher then it vanishes You'd have to go into that category. Dude, I was talking to this dude once.

1:02:57 I go, what do you see? clouds he shows me the pictures on his phone i was like oh no yeah that's a little different There's nothing to say. Yeah, yeah, you're right. What if people can see stuff like that? What if people can see and exceptional in some way without earning it from everybody else. People love to do that. Like, Like, something's strong?

1:05:05 A lot of times. He got in a fight with a guy, and the guy cut his face. Took it a few stops. and I had no know for a fact that i've been thinking about people that called me but i don't know about you Wait. Wow. This is all, yeah, I mean, I guess they have to do that, right? Wow. OJ's house. The apartment, though, the condo is still there. Kato still lives there. No to live where the king lived. The apartment, though,

1:08:35 That is a... Yeah, I wonder whether or not a house. Are you allowed to say it in court? Where you found out That someone died there Right Yeah And it broke out And I put a hoodie on I zipped it up I covered my security outfit And I walked right I was a security guard. And I was in a Neil Young concert. And it broke out. People were lighting fires. back when UPN was still a network.

1:10:30 Then I saw Dre's group come in. And she's like, he's so excited. He wanted to see Dre. in the room you see the walk you have that instinct Yeah, people that have never experienced that probably wouldn't know what to do. my feature comic with me. He's from Chicago One guy stands at the end of the bar here and one guy stands at the end of the bar here

1:12:15 And then the third guy comes over. And he's like, I got a good picture, man. I took a picture with him and he calls the other guy. I'm like, yeah, it said, I thought that was you. We was over there talking. I was like, I thought that was the comedian guy. And he said, I got a good picture, man. And I'm like, hey, fellas, what's up? And Dave's like, dude, how did you know that?

1:13:00 That's a valuable tool to have if you're in those places. Or I've been in, hey, my boy's having a party at his house. You have to park your car here, sir. Did the show. Right. And I'm like, hey, fuck it. oh my god if I jump out which way hey, bro, come around this way. says girls girls girls i had never been so excited to see the ugliest strippers in the world

1:15:13 That's the crazy thing about people. Damn. People are getting drowned. I enjoy it. But it does. The guys that run into the jewelry store and smash Yeah. actors and you're watching them do things and everything's really well done it's a really well It was clothes, it was food. Wrap it in a blanket, and that was it. Right. They'd be like, no, no, no.

1:18:35 It's like they would be like, you're an asshole if you want to live like us. And if you don't take care of that problem, this is the thing. It's a problem that if you don't address, it's not going to get any better. You think so? Like, what about people that are also... Did you see that recent video? She keeps her gun. You only hear guns being dangerous and killing people.

1:20:54 And then you see a guy walk away from the jewelry display. as soon as it's on? There was customers in there. Engagement ring. Or you think, you know what? That is hilarious. Okay. Because 1,400 people just got shot. counseling for drug offenders and you take the guns and there has to be jobs in the neighborhood Yeah, but I don't think if they did the numbers,

1:23:14 a shortage. The whole thing I don't think everybody that's in gang life wants to be there. the kid that is a very good basketball player, that's when it becomes something that's an option. Absolutely. shit and it's like dude that's what you like you think that's gonna hurt me like but it's the a loser. It's impossible. It's like, get the fuck out of here.

1:25:40 when they're growing up, getting fucked over, being in a bad situation. the urge to do it. That urge to do it is a bad urge. It doesn't help anybody. You just, But that's like a fake... Right. Everybody's out. It happens once a year. Places where you can go to Mexico real quick, sneak over there and buy firecrackers. across the country and see He posted a picture of his hand.

1:28:25 What happened? M-80 in his hand. So he came back and played with a cast on his hand. Dude, what in the fuck, though? He blew his That's ringing pinky. and was like, Like if you're on a border city, La Jolla, La Jolla Comedy Store. They do. Yeah, cost of living over there is cheap. Ooh, do they? What is that? Who's the first guy right there? I'm going down there. I'm going to come back pretty.

1:31:03 One's higher than the other one. like if a guy if there was a one thing Nothing's even close. We're so much easier to excite. If I have a fake ass, Girl would be like, what? I got my butt done. Just fuck me. Especially with comedy. It's like some of this stuff we're just joking, you know? You kind of can't, right? Yeah. you could have some ridiculous scenes in a movie,

1:33:46 But I think that's all a good thing, man. Where have you been working mostly these days? Yes. If it's a three-day weekend, we do a Sunday. Right, right. And now they just added more dates for Mike for the fourth quarter. And I said, that's the fucking best compliment I've ever heard in my life. 98. I'm out here working. Yeah. It's a grind. Sure. he does the room there now

1:36:53 it's the only way too there's so much stuff especially today to be a comedian fuck where do I start everything's a mess what do I do where do I begin yeah the whole thing's a great intro. Just walk on stage like, fuck, where do I start, man? Right. Well, we haven't seen all the first ladies. She was okay. She was a fashion icon, right? She was okay. If Melania walked in the room, you? You shut your mouth. Jackie O was stylish, wasn't she? You shut your mouth, Tony Rock. Wasn't she a fashion icon? She was okay.

1:38:13 She certainly was. No. Dude, when he first married her, she's stunning. Dude, you ever see pictures of her? Young Melania? No. And she touched your thigh, looked at you. Where's the picture of her in Playboy? Oh, that's not bad. That's not bad. Michelle Obama was gorgeous. Come on. That's woof. As a comic, you gotta love it, like you said. I'm used to that.

1:40:41 The people who like New York, especially New York comics, they say say that New York comics it's more harsh like it's more fun like people insult each other more yeah I got, unfortunately, I have the brother that everybody's like, you know, he's the best. like they did stuff together keenan every wins and damon wins yeah like when they were both they

1:41:53 When I used to see him in the 90s, I'm never doing this again. Tommy Hearn's piece. He would just show up and they'd put him up whenever he got there. color i see dave do it all the time whenever i see dave on stage dave is like i don't fuck this Just real relaxed I haven't seen him in a long time bronco that like it just looked like an older Bronco that someone just has on the road. But meanwhile, this thing

1:44:20 I want the Smokey and the Bandit Trans Am. Oh, man. It was a total sleeper. there's one that a lot of people redo there's a very specific uh pickup truck. That right there. Oh, I need that. It cost what? Here we go. Price of in... 1950. Oh, for curses? $1,200. Current value, $30,000. I want that Spooky the Bandit first. The Spooky and the Bandit, you're going to have the Firebird on the hood?

1:47:24 Yes. Probably the. Love it. That right there. Wow. That's one of the most beautiful cars ever made in the world. Is's a crazy look, right? The look back there. The top comes off like that right there. Wow. when you say it It's like Roanoke. It's a dope fucking car. I think this is where I'm getting it from. Yeah, so this is a Mustang that they were spelling Eleanor backwards to make a dope Mustang.

1:49:31 Those cars, that year, Before that, they used to have a solid rear axle like a muscle car. a stick shift. You buy it Solid rear axle. That's insane. But apparently that's great, though, those old-school-y muscle cars for gripping the Love it. I believe from what I just read that that car was only made for or maybe even used in that original movie. online.

1:51:34 And they make you like a brand new version of a 1967 Mustang, but with modern engine, Like, if you have a Lamborghini, you're like, look at this, guys. Yep. I think that one. That's out of the park. thousand dollars four million one million wow yeah wow what The main one. From John Wick? Or from Elgon in 60 Seconds? It wasn't an Eleanor, but he had a nice one in the movie.

1:53:27 Everybody loves a Chevelle. I need an Impala. Look at that. That makes me faint that's fucking pretty i get weak in the legs when i see a car like that i'm like oh my goodness Go to that one in the upper right hand corner, young Jamie. Hendrix died in 69, right? Nice. Yeah, Hendrix probably would pull up It's almost Hendrix. Ooh, T-top, son. Jimi Hendrix had a baby blue Corvette.

1:55:47 Two Corvettes. Yeah, Jimi Hendrix. I like it I don't know what I want No, I've been waiting for... So I wait, wait, wait. Yes. Holy shit. That has such a futuristic, like pause there for that picture and make that a little bit bigger. And you say to your girl, like, I don't get it. burgundy Cadillac. And I just remember old school cars too that you

1:58:17 What color? What color? Because I don't want anybody to mistake me for the Bishop Don Juan. Oh, my God. Look at that. It's crazy. Love it, yeah. Dukes of Hazzard? Like, look at that. Go back to that original picture, man. Something similar? Like somebody got crafty. Put it back. Yeah, they flip. Yeah, that weren't there. Because you can see the grill.

2:01:46 You had it perfect you fuck Double bumper I'm telling you man They should have made the 1969 Charger Those people just had a different way I've been to similar things. At Burbank? Got to get it. I like it. Big, man. I haven't driven one, but I've ridden as a passenger in one. You just- And I like the new Porsche, the four-door. Living in New York, so many people don't have cars.

2:04:28 It was like and you see ones with boots on them Yep. they'll put a ticket He had a Thunderbird. Too many tickets. Yeah, you nailed it. Yep. Bringing the Bronco back. I think recently they said they're going to cancel every car You ever heard of that Hennessy performance? They'll take a regular car and put a thousand horsepower in it. Some of them do.

2:07:02 Yeah, so they're just doing trucks. Look at that thing. like a new car. I hope we didn't bore the shit out of you people. So Kansas City Improv. Is his name Tony Rock? Thank you, brother.