Joe Rogan Experience #1150 — Felipe Esparza Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Here we go. Three, two, one. When you have such a cool saying, like you do, you almost feel compelled to use it. Like, we took it from the blacks. Mexicans and Americans with this whole wall thing. And across from the gate, they have like eight wall prototypes. Oh, wow. I was there. Someone's getting robbed. People want to get in. Yeah, there it is the freedom wall

3:10 Yeah. Wow, man. and people are like, use your brain. totally illogical either right like you would be worried if you lived in a sweet place like uh People start getting antsy. Sooner or later, Boulder, Colorado, probably have a subway system to get all those people off the streets. It is, man. What did you just This idea of... And I would follow him to work every day because I was a bored little kid, I guess.

6:54 I lived in to go outside. I was living in Sinaloa, Mexico. Yeah. What's up? The California Sheriff's Department was just the county sheriffs. I was probably four maybe or five, I don't remember. i don't remember crying or being scared i just know that we were watching cartoons you know you know, My little young brother, dancing. Noah, Noah. Man, he was young.

11:11 We were like in Compton somewhere. because you're little like watching b Bionic Woman and shit. But like what kind of like lessons did you take? Separating these kids The teacher never spoke Spanish to us Like, I didn't know how to say bionic. But I bet you a little kid that comes from another country like you did, This is a verb. She'll pretend to be a teacher and a reader.

13:57 People give you an out. That would be crazy. powerful language it looks like almost like viking runes or something like that sometimes a spade with a They call it Krillic? It looks like a crown. Look at the deal. other they all have nuclear power and they can't understand each other so you're relying on The communication with the UFOs and the UFO cook thing.

17:12 what the other person like What is Norway? goes why would they spit at you because and Bourdain ate it Some kind of fermented shark. Yeah, there's like a disproportionate number That's what's left over the Vikings. You were fucksville. Arrows aren't not good enough. What do you think it would be like if everybody spoke the same language? Do you think if the world spoke one language, things would be better?

20:22 For fun, right? I did a show and this lady went on. That set her off. with your friends, Just hang in there. It wasn't that much, $200. So he did a quick 850. The first time, he came out a better thief. Like, he don't steal no more. think of how when you're talking And it's funny. because they've been in the joint three four times the joint what am i living in the 50s

24:08 Is it possible? Well, I think the only way that would happen if nobody really— it would just be middle class and poor. Yeah, is that real? putting in eight hours in no shelter, seven times the top 500 Here are the top five richest people who saw massive gains this year. Cash baby Zuckerberg in the house And I'm not I'm not advocating for capitalism or communism or socialism.

26:42 either like you could just collect it all and burn it. I mean, if this is if we think if they happen before You know, they're like, hey, what? Because they go, these crazy fuckers aren't fixing nothing, man. And everybody puts $100 and we all take turns every week collecting the pot. So that would be like the way we used to loan each other out money in the hood.

29:27 But no one knew this, but this is how money marketing worked in the neighborhood. everybody's playing with each other that's a cool way to do it i'm not i'm comics could do it if Because then you get these little bursts of a big chunk of money. That's badass, man. Then my mom would go home, and my mom would sew them into pillowcases, how did the do you think that

31:51 Maybe that's why they chose him. He didn't care. because my brother came out being a homosexual right. here's the thing. that uh you know people are malleable you can kind of steer them in different ways the question I mean, really. a boy. Yeah. Let him be a boy. people get super scared if someone They're just gay. That's a funny thing man But we Like daisy dude

35:53 Isn't that weird? He's at the rave. You're not going to get love that way. were the good girls. If you were a good girl People love coke. I see you drink Bud Light once. I was like, already passed Especially the comedy show on Wednesday, and then no work the next day. hey we're gonna that's when you had so we went to go see you at the main room right after our sets webpage, joerogen.net. And you said you were going to perform.

38:23 So I said, fuck it. That's a great fucking song. It was cool to watch, too. It was like you're seeing your friend on stage He said, Holly was fucked up. He held the ladder for me one night when I was putting the letters up. Always a gentleman After you just say Did he? That's the thing I liked about, you know, like being a comedian that when I was younger

41:20 Remember Willie Barsana? 3 in the morning? In their house? Like the house looked like it's 5 p.m. all day. Because when you do Coke, sometimes the Coke gets stuck in your nose. so and I just But this is funny. so this house, enough Dougie points, He was just hired for the show, I guess, for the party. your kid up as a girl it was by the coincidence yeah it just happened yeah but no nobody wants to think that people are

45:12 And that's almost a thing that they're taught by the people that care about them, they just walk in front of you, man. They don't consider it rude. I'm going to go in there. We're all trying to catch the bus, and they run. when they get on the T. and especially if it's sunny out You're fucking freezing. You get used to that. You literally can't live in Boston outside.

47:57 some shit. Go to Griffith Park. We got nothing. The crawly ones don't seem to mind, but the flyy ones, they wounded, and they Like, whoa, look at that. Imagine how fucked everything would be if an eagle could move like a hummingbird just a giant fucking That wouldn't even work, bro. yeah they're just tucked in they're tucked in the back see See it? Little tiny. Yeah. They're so beautiful.

51:18 And one of the weird things in the beginning it mentions is that he had a very weird fascination, I don't know how he thought of that. Being one of those guys that's the first people to document what animals exist out there. But how long has that been a thing? You know, stop. I think that's where they think it came from. They have an alphabet, too?

54:21 Look what it says, this. that's cuneiform so it's created using a reed stylus to make wedge-shaped Transactions? Could be Wow. Fuck. No, I don't logos. What is that logo? what you're talking about He was already present and done with all of that. what's been here has probably been similar to what's he what the fuck is this then they find Oh, yeah, man.

58:27 David Cho was already rich at the time. or at least they're saying they're convinced that there's, And he'd freak them out. Yeah. Someone would get a picture. for a big thing to be alive today that people don't know about. It's a subspecies of this deer. Just go out there and beat some trees. that lives in the jungle. We've got a weird problem with that, right?

1:01:08 If he saw those people Got himself a nice pair with an arrow. They haven't even We're like, oh, we got to save them. Someone live in their car is fine. and I was living control giant They didn't give them any of the good spots. what is it 1887 1887 wow that's crazy but would they allow them to live like they lived before Easy payments. This is the next art

1:04:06 Who wants to buy it? There's a picture an acre? Yeah. Wow. But look at the dude. be running shit like we got it from this dude we got the prime cuts baby we got the fucking We got it from the highest guy in the totem pole. Fuck your laws. It would be that fucking Westworld and shit. By the white people. they'll copy shit from the enemy, too. Okay. They had all kinds of shit.

1:07:17 They were very, very strong people, apparently. would possess and they were a nomadic horse people so they were traveled around living in tents like He killed more people than AIDS. When we were kids, everybody was terrified of AIDS. Yeah. Revere. What? one of the greatest basketball players Did you? You're like, AIDS, whatever. in its height of killing people, I don't think it was killing people as much as the flu was, right?

1:11:16 Supposedly, this is... Yeah, so I clicked on this. Isn't that a strange way of saying that? Maybe I'm too stupid for that. So it seems that they definitely think it's still killing people. 36,000. This was 2000 and 2014. That's what it is it has to be we're terrified that it kills people through sex maybe it's just because it's a new thing that was killing people because it didn't exist.

1:14:40 what was it? Do you remember Sam Kenison's bit on it? He had this crazy, dangerous bit about it like way back then like whoa because some people believe that a cancer and you decide to go on a meth binge and destroy your immune system, Feeling good. with cancer something to do with it So how many of these people that got AIDS were I would like to get all that. I would like to know

1:17:49 already weak too maybe you're you're run down you've been working too much and then the flu about that, right? and people start dying There's always some shit And people were like, oh, what are they doing over there? People were worried about getting from blood transfusions. from cancer every year just from smoking cigarettes it's fucking crazy numbers crazy

1:20:02 it's fucking weird man it. It's very weird. No. And my whole body felt hot. Hey, asshole. I was like, oh, I know what this is. that it happened during a time where I wasn't, You're sweating up a storm. Your body's trying to chase So you got this immune system just going to war. When what you're looking at when you see people that are sick including yourself all of us what we're looking at is

1:22:34 I don't have time for lupus. How bad was it? I might have a hemorrhoid. because I had a hemorrhoid for the first time. I was on the road, and I was on the low-carb diet, the Atkins diet. The show's over. Did you put that up on the YouTube screen, please? I wiped myself Swollen veins, It's very funny. And I blew my butthole out, I guess. off this concrete log that he had at the bottom of his butthole and then you know

1:26:37 And it's a real problem. It was all dry. It was ugly, man. at all. I'm like, no problem at all. You don't come on, really. There's probably something Some dudes will claim that now. Yeah, broccoli farts. Cruciferous. You don't say gassy with me. other than meat There's people that are allergic to citrus. and you just go on an like negative interactions with vegetables,

1:29:57 If you eat like a ton of ribeyes, it just greases up that whole pipeline. water on top of it, so it's got Some people really firmly believe that dairy is bad for you. And that's something I've never tried. And whenever I do, I always feel weird. So I fuck with almond milk and soy milk now. That's a good move You're fucking fat No, I tried the Atkins diet.

1:32:00 Yeah. But you said when your ass was bleeding? Fish, chicken. in a trailer park. when I started being vegan. Two years ago? He just told me I could lose 30 pounds. You know what's good, too? Steam room is like if steam gets that hot, it's wet. Steam is wood or wet? No, no's the same. Steam room's different. Steam room is like, if steam gets that hot, it's wet.

1:34:27 So you go in there and it's usually – I think the idea is – and I could be wrong here. The water is conducting the heat. That's like the old school, huh? Like the the risk of, because you might be Look at these guys. That's hilarious. I'm sure he did it all the time. It's a crazy- The Sands. you live in a log cabin like there's something really cool about a log cabin right you're like

1:37:29 They couldn't have pulled that off if they didn't have some sort of way to cool the place down. Carry it home. I feel like we probably have talked about this already. I'm sorry. It was going with any. So casino was this? Flamingo? so the big roaring in Boyle Heights Yes. It was bigger than that for the whole building. It's a weird feeling. But you'll also have a winter where you've got your shit pulled up to your face.

1:41:10 inside. Man, there's something about Sometimes they bring in those boots too soon Right that's why fanny packs went away I think I saw it on Guns and Ammo. Of a dude pulling his Shot myself Netflix. been on this podcast once he's a very good dude very good guy we got a lot of good guys the machine Go across the street. trying to get somewhere but we're not

1:43:48 he did it I could do it too you can set the same amount of energy could be put That's entirely possible in business. really dedicate yourself and you should choose that as a valuable life lesson like wow look at He could do whatever he wants. Wow. Every movie he does is a blockbuster. when he fucking lands and just keep going Fuck. That's a giant man.

1:47:33 But all those guys, like that guy that plays the Mountain on Game of Thrones, That dude, he's a goddamn specimen. According to this. That's like... Six, nine. 386. I'm sorry. Friends? No. What the fuck is his name? The crazy gypsy dude. Right? He gave up the title. But he's going to box soon, I know. He fought just recently, right? Doesn't say? Referee something?

1:51:09 That is fucking insane. Doorman somewhere? He does those world's strongman competitions. Oh, the guy quit. Why was the crowd getting pissed? now he's smiling and laughing on his instagrams like you figured it out like i like that like Like he gets loose in there and then he landed some blows, Yeah, he's fucking him up. And Joshua knocked him down first.

1:54:05 Yeah, he was getting hurt. And if you can't figure out a way to get past that dude, why'd you take the fight? Lomachenko guys just quit. They're like, look, I'm going out. And maybe he definitely needed to stop that fight. get they boo and they get angry when someone who's a real warrior steps out of a fight but i can nigel ben knocked him through the ropes it looked like the fight was over and nigel ben comes back

1:56:50 And then they take him to the hospital and this is it. I thought it was a shorter fight. See, I don't remember him. That's it. Damn, man. Why do I remember him getting hit? and figured out how to keep going, where a lot of people were like, He had severe bleeding on his brain and never really recovered. Look at this. and hit him with some serious bombs, man.

2:00:16 Boom, boom. Look at him. haymakers at each other like this look at mcclellan oh nigel ben comes back with a right And Chael Sonnen told me something once that's an old boxing saying. have crazy endurance and they can He's throwing a lot of them at full power. and all your weight explode at the end, so it was as much like that headshot there it was as much his weight cut as it was his strategy to

2:03:38 him out in the first round you know I mean McClellan was a killer that was his thing if he empty all your bullets out in the first round. do you remember when we used to think that nobody could beat Tyson? What year was that? Damn. Why do people even want to fight that guy? I think it was 42. He was always regarded as people that were in the know in boxing.

2:05:54 And he trained really, really hard. And all along the way, Buster Douglas, for that fight trained like a demon and still almost lost an extra couple seconds to recover that he What round did he knock him out, Buster Douglas? Boom. Yeah. Here it is. try again ready boom he goes down one two three four five six seven eight nine ten he's out someone There's 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

2:09:12 That's a fucking crazy hard job man How does the same guy count real slow for Buster Douglas Let's try that again. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. Yeah. But either way, if you said seven, I bet Butts, instead of four, he probably would have the question is would have t he have been able to? I think he probably would have.

2:11:19 Dude, crazy shots. Really? They're both out cold. Yeah, man. I couldn't believe he lost. than Mike Tyson. Tyson would hit you, mug you at the same time, man. There was heavyweights that moved amazing like Ali. punch just like bitch you can't hit me he just had a there was a magic about what he was doing It would have been fucking crazy, I'll tell you that.

2:14:18 The biting ears thing was when, you know, And then when he went to jail, he came out of jail and he looked jacked. Yeah. Oh, that was when he got arrested by that Joe Arpaio guy. his prime. That was when he just got out of jail. Yes. Peter McNeely. Hey, you owe money, you fuck. your thoughts. my mother, Whoa, whoa, whoa Fucking Medfield! Lowell's a big one, man. Lowell's hardcore. Mickey Ward came. Lowell. Tough. Yeah, Lowell. Lowell's a big one, man.

2:17:20 But we were both like, couldn't have been more than like 19, something like that. It's weird. That's probably exactly it. There's a couple more right here, I guess, in the same spot the next year. City. Edwin Corrette is like an When two dudes are just that close My dad, he loved boxing. There was Pepino Cuevas. Yeah, Hitman fucked him up. My friend announces the fights.

2:19:51 Yeah. Oh, yeah, man. Are you really? Road trip. Please don't get injured. Jesus Christ. I have to do that so many times for the UFC. If we're home, if Callan's home do these fight companions like if we're home with a count home and shab and eddie bravo we're all home while a ufc is on the road yeah martial arts right here martial arts to the end of the time,

2:22:44 You tell me when. You tell me where you want to go You tell me when Every once in a while on the road Look He's a gorilla. He's a big old gorilla. He became just a monster. Joey Karate. And then he had A Cuban black belt. through the air. But you're lucky you caught me today. Because Joey Karate is going to That's some Muay Thai shit. Then he's gonna kick him with a sidekick.

2:25:47 with Joey Karate. Oh, yeah, man. Joey is? But even they, dude, they say you can have as many eggs as you want. quarter in and a finger comes up Started at the natural fudgeudge Cafe on Melrose. You know, it's a funny joke. Oh, well, I can see your point. And I noticed when like some people were like slowly disappearing, you know, from the Last Common Standing.

2:28:17 Oh, no. criminal. He's the one that came There's no photo of him anywhere. Yeah, they have a photo He knows my birthday. Yes. and he had my brother's back in prison for a few days. He's like, fuck him. What a psycho. shit before you're even born you didn't even know and you're born later and he's just ready to So he got together with his other brother.

2:31:36 Latch key, what is it? Or choking him to death because the mob or whatever you're associated with, your brother Does he ever come back you go there for I'm looking for a Yeah, man, I know dudes who built cars. I think that would be the coolest shit in the world. and then you know figure out how to i read that matt h Matt Hughes did that. Brought it back to life.

2:34:05 By himself Stuff to take the Like Judgmental, daddy. You know a guy who could do it. How many people get sick from working in gas stations? But this guy would fix your car, but he also likes to party. He had a ragtop with an oval bag, a beautiful bug. Yeah. Oh love cars Yours was cool man was a good amount of power for the size of it it was a very light car like i want to say like the

2:37:53 You were like the wolf. was one of my all-time favorite cars definitely not the fastest car i ever drove but it wasn't That shit broke constantly. Wow. Dude, look at that thing. They don't sell them with a manual transmission. engaged you're shifting things first gear yeah man this second gear there's something cool about that If it's a double clutch gearbox, they put it in drive and they just go.

2:41:28 It looks like a smooth car. Oh, yeah? You've got to have an e-brake. Of course. Motorcycles stall out, too, right? But then while I was taking classes, a couple people I knew wiped out pretty bad. It's when you get into these like Hayabusa's. People would try it and go flying off of it. Man? Is the car... Yeah, maybe. Fuck, bro. That is so insane. Like, your moment where you have to make a decision,

2:45:57 He almost wrecked right there. to be able to stay on top of this. That is crazy. like crazy people that these are like pilots fighter pilots guys that go they're a risk-taking Yeah, they can do things that other people ring and you get that same type of Yeah. Like what the paths that people take to become who they are right now. This is one, but this is not, I don't think, the fastest one.

2:49:03 Yeah. Oh, they sell wings. Yeah. there'll be people in downtown slender knockoffs yeah and then there would definitely be trippers that would put like glowing lights on them that would cause people to have seizures you know like for sure It's like 10,000 square, or is it, sorry, 100 square meters. going on a camping trip and um you're you know you have like some survival stuff a survival kit

2:50:48 Trying to figure out which podcast it was. They can keep your body heat in and pretty effective compared to their size and weight. where you got the food poisoning? I don't remember. The flight was five hours. that was on the plane that got you. I don't know, man, I always go, It was chicken, you think? Did they used to think it was longer? Roast chicken.

2:53:20 Animal shit, essentially. I know, like, sometimes when I drive to, like, when I do shows in Visalia or Bakersfield, There's a lake with a drone And where are we going to put all that stuff? should and shouldn't be done, or we don't agree on what we should and shouldn't enforce. But bacon tastes so good. Okay, here it goes. I remember when the news came out, Joe Diaz and I

2:56:39 it's a good time to beat up Popeye. Frazier's a very nice guy. Like that No no no I think if you wash lettuce, you can take it out. you just let the animals roam around, Hmm. I bet people got food poisoning left and right before refrigerators. come to our restaurant. Then you need a dead rat. That's so stupid. I left it in my car overnight. Did you try to reheat it in the microwave?

2:59:23 I really liked the seven-day OKFC, but it was thrown in the refrigerator. KFC cold with hot sauce. I need more. There's a line where you're like They're very good Like that Yucateco shit. No chance. Yeah, these chickens don't have bigger breasts. the bun and the mayonnaise the little dollar sandwiches. and a dude with a fucking gloved hand If you could see all that, if you saw it from start to finish, you'd be like,

3:02:34 Yeah. Yeah. Scared as fuck. free ranging then they left them there Well, they shot a movie once and they brought in a buffalo that left them there. Channel Islands? Yeah, you told me about this a while ago, right? But, like, five minutes before the bar closed, 10 military police came in and made sure it was closed. You're supposed to get off the base and head to your flight?

3:05:19 they would be you know on um i think they did it on spike tv i think that was on spike at the time I mean, we had gone to break, too. When a fellow soldier is at that base, and then they all cheer for him, and he wins like that. and they get to go and see it. that's why they did mushrooms I run into people they always say, I wake up to you, to you.

3:07:47 Wow. and he would call me in the middle of the night, George Perez from prison, that he was doing he's a funny guy Joey Diaz started in prison gave him the confidence. Boston, Stitches, August 27th, 1988. I wasn't good, but I was definitely thinking Like, I had a lot of drive, i deserve better and i'm gonna be the top of this and fucking kick ass uh-uh it was that i couldn't

3:10:45 To me, I just couldn't do it. And some people are different. to me about some boring shit, I've got like five I was out. I want to go to Italy because I love Olive Garden and I want to be sober. I want to do the real tour and I went in with my I don't know how to write. I followed it. and the Dice Man was on that tape. I was 23, 24. I saw some dude named The Todd.

3:14:19 Dave Tyree. I don't know. He used to get an iron and there's people chasing him guy fucking hilarious it was a very funny guy remember when he had to the the church sermon Freddy Quintana. as a I used to work at Dodger Stadium and I used to work at Yoshinoya because I'm so young. TK Carter was in The Thing? that was, Yeah. She's famous. Plus all the shit that's happened since then.

3:17:26 That was my first album. You call up and say, five niggas killing a white woman. They're so easy. man, And I think that, you know, Who caused this? It all comes from P comes from prior like in the My all-time favorite comedian has always been Yeah. He was funny, dude. and Tonight Show. He did the Tonight Show a ton I remember Joel He was buying a hot dog

3:20:33 dog. I said, Steven Wright, don't go We started to shake his hand Oh sorry With cotton That is hilarious dude That's hilarious But I must have German for it? Oh, is he really? I didn't even know. But he shook my hand with cotton. He's like, oh, no. Thanks, bye. Don't go nowhere. That's so ridiculous. He was so out of the blue. I thought you dated her. There was one thing where I was, you mean in real life? No, you dated girlfriend on the show. I think there was one. I thought you dated her.

3:22:33 I mean, I was trying, whoops, hoopa. didn't even remember it I was watching like it was something that wasn't even how many years ago was that? Look at that 2010 grill. I got those fucking teeth all removed. they didn't want to get along bro I was going but then my guns They found it there they went they made a mold of my mouth with four perfect teeth and they just glued it to my mouth.

3:24:38 It's permanently forever. Like an old bite of apple People would make fun of me Yeah. Still gets in there. You got to take a swig of Listerine. Hell yeah, the OG Louis 13 right there. I'm going to be in Jacksonville at the Comedy Zone this week. What's up, Fool Podcast? they just on a podcast bro And we had some fun. And I love the statement you said about the kids in the cage.

3:26:58 Thanks for coming on.