Joe Rogan Experience #1165 — Tom Papa Transcript

Transcript

0:00 four three two one yeah we're just talking about moving the woods together I was telling you guys that I was looking at this house that's for sale in Northern California in the Redwoods. Yeah. It would be, but would you be content? Look at that little tiny house. It says 320 foot, tiny cabin and big bear. 320 foot, tiny cabin in Big Bear. Do a fucking show.

2:13 Gennady Golovkin and Tito Ortiz would come over every day. I mean, the fantasy is that that becomes a simple life. I would just go. did he have a place like that next to his house? and then you return back to the people you have to feed. And it's just down to you and your wife. Whoa. If the nest is empty, that's their job. No, it's just me and my fluffy babies.

4:45 Is that what it is? You know what I mean? Right. So you try to instead, you know, because it's not too complicated to go find your food. This car's got 20,000 miles on it. It does to an extent, like when you get out of your poor days and you kind of like get above yeah i would be happy yeah he said i wish that everyone would get rich and famous so they'd

7:33 Yeah. Right. I don't know. It was so goddamn good. Her show, Kimmy Schmidt, have you seen that show? She's in it sometimes. That's so crazy. Those people like Sarah Palin, you don't know what you like. You're out of your fucking mind. If those people like Sarah Palin, they were out of their fucking minds. Like, there was one, there's a story, Find out if that's true.

10:42 Am I an asshole? does she have a rest shout out she's free handing this how okay look they got the packs on it now honestly a bow i'm more accurate with a bow at like 60 70 yards freehand not more accurate but very steady every day. So all these stabilizer lane prone or throw their pack down immediately put that rifle over it and Well, they just put a circle around the caribou.

13:48 It's not impossible to shoot an animal. but that means that they then have a third that's focused just on the animal, The reality is whenever you're You know, he was just like going after these guys, Crazy Ted and the little water guy. Defend him? Pocahontas. Oh. He said his father was a Zodiac killer. It's stunning. right he said he says what you saw is not real. The truth is not the truth. Well, that was what Giuliani said.

17:04 They just need a little bit of're not thinkers right they just need I love how they call him POTUS, too. Why are you saying POTUS? Agent 99. Yeah. I got painters caps, bumper stickers. That guy's going to get indicted. It's only $185. You can get my DVD. I'll tell you. How does he get that trademark? whenever there's a rally. you get him out. Wouldn't you rather have Pence?

21:08 yeah he's a Mormon I gotta be honest Just being a Mormon's nutty. They're Latter-day Saints. Tom. Hey, can I announce my new show? Why are you doing this? It's true. Ooh, I like it. You know the real behind you. I know. Isn't that amazing? Crazy. I didn't want to come empty-handed. Can I eat this? I thought it was Marshall. He's got one at home right now.

24:11 joy and the dog looks happy well he loves running and you know you get a dog out in nature he's so to me and then he runs, grabs a toy, puts it in his mouth and then comes back to me. i came home you're an adult the other night at like one o'clock in the morning you know from This is crazy. There is a great feeling when you're writing and the dog is right next to right till those fucking farts hit you like whoa dude did you eat a rat outside

25:51 I don't have good trails. a good spot where you don't have to have them on a leash, then that's great. Rattlesnakes you have to be very careful of. base camp I might have to carry him the top i have my ass happy labor day but i thought when you got hit by a rattler you're Right. It causes necrosis. They bite them and then they This one guy documented he got bit on the arm and they had a med vac amount and a helicopter.

28:40 Yeah, I don't exactly know. You've been storing it up. an 18-year-old fella And we ran over what I thought was a large stick in the road, in the trail. Just completely stretched out like a stick. But those dogs were crazy. Pit bulls are so crazy. And killed them. That's great. I love that you named the dog Sinatra. He was the craziest dog I've ever

31:03 a game to him. Just try to find lizards to kill. Like he'd want to grab a rope and bring it to you and have you pull on it. Let go. They deserve it. They deserve it. Yeah. They deserve it. because they love their dog. Yep. Right. More, a couple hundred years. Who wanted the pit bull? Like their drive to attack things is very high. want them to have a bad rap.

33:44 They never decide who the boss is. back off. No, no fucking way. She didn't want other females around. Oh, yeah? Was it a puppy still? Yeah. Like you put them with children. we just had to put him down. No. He'd take a couple steps, and he's panting, and his legs are shaking. It's the dirt. And he just laid down there. And he was smiling and pant pool. And I sat him down there and he just laid

36:50 And, you know, it's a big presence. that's yeah it was rough but it is rough but it was really hard seeing him suffer like how long That was about two years ago. I was like, oh, Jesus. He would never growl at you. Get the fuck out of here. Oh yeah He loves it He's like Yeah, retrievers. I don't know. I don't know. Seems like a pain All right. It's a whole rigmarole.

40:05 and then when you're high, it's the only thing you're thinking about? What if we run out of water? There's no way I can keep up. Look at that number. No. Doesn't that weigh on you? So that's... keep it i have a garbage account i have i mean my one account that is yeah here you go down there You got basically about 4,000 in the back of my throat. I was reading about that they're thinking about putting video gaming in the Olympics.

43:39 I think Olympics are dirty. And if they did have it in the Olympics, what they would basically do is take these guys who are making millions and millions of dollars playing video games at a professional level. I think the Olympics are dirty. But chess, you're actually moving pieces around. No. Yes, they took it out. That's crazy. Yeah, I don't know if it's happened yet.

45:41 I don't think it was! Oh, really? Did you see that referee's jacket? Speaking of the 70s, I came home last night. Hey, look at from the 70s. Look at that guy's jacket. Did you see that guy's... Did you see that referee's jacket? All right, so maybe it was in last time, but it's... Let me tell you something, bro. That guy is not jacked. He's jacked. Pure muscle. chest. They didn't even understand weightlifting back then. Let me tell you something, bro.

46:34 They're grabbing each other by the underwear? And then it's going to be a demonstration sport in Paris They want you to work for free. Do you consider it a sport? But now you can make legitimate money with it. There is hand-eye coordination. full physical being full mental being yeah you're you're running around you're jumping back and Subway surfer's a sport.

48:51 More than the Olympics. The ski shoot one. Did he have to shoot shit or no? Archery's in the Olympics. You're stabilizing with your legs, and you have a certain stance. Yep. No? I would say like pistol shooting would definitely be a sport. And some are bad guys, and some are good guys. No. They're already doing it? He was training with my friend Higa Machado in Jiu-Jitsu.

51:41 his martial arts, like the stuff I do too. I got home You missed the big end scene in the house. Just get him back on the Chevelle. is in it? Yep. Oh my god. What's I want to say 40, They're both great. Which is hilarious. Yeah. Keanu's Save it. She takes such a good punch. Yeah. hanging on. He does all that stupid shit. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I thought those were like your soul.

54:21 And from that Lawrence Wright movie. I read some of Dianetics, though. I wanted my nephews to join up just to see what would happen. Get in there. You're reading it and you go, is a this guy was a real thinking person Once they taste money, that's it. then they start making millions of dollars and it goes all off the rails. Right, but hold on. It was also sex.

57:22 They're these desires. Dude, I love your bread show. Yeah. There was a yoga class that I used to go to like everything about it he was just like he was a a slippery guy yeah like and his thing was being talk to them one of the main problems So sorry to hear that. Let me write down my apartment in Encino. Who was the hot yoga guy? Yeah. You know? like something more egregious

1:00:44 that? 40 year old married woman and a fucking yoga teacher is not the same as a little kid and a priest. Her husband doesn't touch her. They can't do that anymore. Oh. They hook up after school? Yes. I bet 16 was legal. New Jersey, age 16 years old. argento thing you know this thing's going on right now yes so this 17 year old kid right when uh he out of her in bed with them and then her friends released text messages she's a fucking monster

1:04:14 Even if it's illegal, it's just not the same for boys. She's a freak. She was playing the mom? like well he he apparently threatened to go public with it and he wanted money and they gave him That is the most expensive dick that lady will ever get. Somebody released it. See, the problem is the age of consent being 17 No, 17's a man. I don't know. 17, sorry.

1:07:11 Enough already. Will you move to I don't know. That's just emotions. 14 you're still don't know who you are you're still mixed up and again we're back to the teacher And maybe they had a couple of drinks together, Is he going to learn a lot in 200 days? Well, really, that's what it comes down to. grown the fuck out here pussy that's not fair i remember lady banged you i remember this i had a

1:10:15 It's very complicated. I don't know the details. Not just that. Yeah. Like if a woman Get out of here. I used to work out at this. Right. I used to work out Like really obvious, leather, Right. Right. So our ideas of what it would be like to be in a non-consensual relationship with a woman where she sucks your dick against your will is just not comparable that's a great point i mean

1:13:34 And it became like a thing. And the culture was like, no. Who wrote that? What is that? I've got a hut in the middle of the forest and I watch films. Yeah. There's a real concern that everything that we have is digital, you know, and that we're vulnerable yeah we're becoming more and more aware and more and more educated that we're at risk like Listen, man, I had Dr. Robert Schock on the podcast, who's a geologist from Boston University.

1:16:30 like fucking buckets of rain everywhere? Really? But it's based on what they believe possibly happened with coronal mass ejections from Yeah. How many miles is the sun away? Whoa. Oh, boy. Yeah, you have a couple minutes. Look at the little dot. Look how big those flares are. It's crazy. it's crazy it's amazing like what's happening on the sun right now should freak everybody the fuck out

1:19:31 I mean come on man yeah well pull that up the himawari 8 what are the what's the details in the himawari it's one They're like massive, massive photographs. I know. You're going to be with chapped lips like a Mad Max movie, just shuffling, trying to You some kind of queer. what i don't get especially in california like everything's solar why don't you have a solar

1:22:12 NASA's identified more than 18,000 near-Earth objects. Oh my God. collision with Earth. that and i think we'll be fine so then i talked to neil degrasse tyson and i said how much time Why not? Oh, no. Yeah. Up in arms. It's the best. Trump loved what you did You didn't ask anyone if they wanted to see it. We should have talked about the elephant in the room, though.

1:25:02 Are you crazy? Shout out to Kyle Dunnegan. I was on a futon. oh what a mess yeah what a mess what do you think about this some people don't want him to come back But as a comedian... off netflix and we're taking this off well he's definitely definitely lost money financially but Sure. As a comedian, though, he can walk It's up to his fans whether they show up or not. And it's up to the people that hate what he did and are really against him to not go.

1:28:27 not being able to use their voice. Here's the thing, it's not your job or it's not your place to say that you don't like someone when the other people do like it You've made, if you decide like, hey, I didn't like this. Nothing wrong with any of those things. And that these aggressive men were yelling, good to see you back, Louis. The women are sitting there in silence.

1:30:38 So what was inappropriate is he was having sex with his staff, right? He was also, all these guys, It's like it's heady stuff. She said something that freaked me out once. You know? And then on the other end of the spectrum, you got like Louie. And then he did that. Right. So he steps back for nine months or whatever it was. he was saying that you know like that me too has to offer men a road to redemption and you know and

1:34:14 And that times article is kind of like a veiled, I'm sorry. It's like, why am I, as the owner of the cellar, Yeah. But it's interesting. They can buy tickets by the thousands. But I don't think that he's like an angry person and I don't think he's trying to be hurtful. he's not like he's not When it comes to that kind of creepy shit is like the most considerate way to approach it.

1:37:10 thing you know he's got his dick out like i get it yeah i'm not that's not what i'm saying it's Right. Like it kind of made you look at the scene and be like, all right, maybe this scene could be cleaned up a little bit as well. even people that were in it men that were in it were unaware of yeah they were definitely heard It's hard. Yeah. It's definitely woke it up and moved it further.

1:40:58 got hit on by this other guy who's a comic who shall remain nameless. And she showed me some of the texts that he sent her. Okay, bro. I know. Like, that's a fine line between, you know what I mean? But looking at a male doing that, like it is an aggressive laid, they try to hit on girls and they just beat the shit My point being that men are formidable, dangerous, gross creatures.

1:43:21 What was the name of that gym there? It's really, I mean, Yeah, like if I was on a curling machine right now, Yeah. Does that look sexy? Oh, those are machines. then you see it in real life and Yes. You want Demi Moore. Well, how many elephant men are in the Actors Guild? like getting outrage and discussions people aware of it it becomes a big public story and then they get donations yeah it's not bad for

1:47:28 making piece of shit. I just make bread in LA? You you doing in LA? Is it good? I'm telling you He says it's not about the water. He's spraying it in the water and he's lying about it. There he is Canole Vito you motherfucker I'll go on it for a few months Well, right now I'm in, you would call it mild ketosis. How do you feel? It'll knock me down to that negative.

1:49:50 I'm somewhere in the range of moderate. and there's cognitive benefits. consumption is like a lack to copri and we ate there. It was fucking phenomenal food. The best. There were- They just overfished everything. Isn't most of it? If you, Right. Right. Like white-tailed deer, to a certain extent in this country, have become like farm animals. corn right because he's growing this corn that is like-

1:54:15 But yet the cows that are in captivity are grazing naturally on grass and they're 100% Fritz Haber. in world war one, I think it's called The Bad Show. He figured out how to get it. family on his family check this out and his extended family the concentration camps. They used his gas on his family. On his family. Check this out. Yeah. And then he wanted to believe in the country, and he died of a heart attack.

1:57:10 and he left his 13-year-old son with his dead wife Oh, my God. And she was gravely – she was a scientist as well. Oh, my God. It's crazy. They have these gigantic 50 millimeter guns. Nuclear bombs that are completely You're an asshole to use the gas, bro. from the ocean. He was convinced the ocean and then use it to fund the war with gold purity in the 99% range.

1:59:47 Limited cyanide. Get it? Amazing. you know you read about Like, I'm going to read you something. Animal agriculture makes up about 4%, and cattle specifically about 1.9% based on the latest EPA data. Interesting. which it seems to me that she's got, she had some, they're experiencing these tremendous benefits. It's still a carbon-based thing to transport the food from the farming all the way through the transporting to getting rid of the waste, to doing all of it.

2:03:49 Yeah. Yeah, that automation is putting so many people out of work. Bernie, that would be a great one. So this is a Tesla truck that we're looking at right now in a video, which looks like a rolling – Is anyone in that? Is the bottom the batteries? The price is supposed to be around $200,000. Wait, it's driving on its own or there is a human driving it?

2:05:30 I'm chasing the truck. There's a casino up there to open for Smokey Robinson. Get rid of that piece of shit. You can pull over for eight hours and let your shit charge up. You're stopping for 20 minutes at a time? with some rumble to it. It was such a nice drive. If you had a drive... When I text him, I text him hashtag Corvette confidence. I have a VW Bug that's just.

2:07:46 Yeah. They're so light, too. Yeah. Spin out all over the place. sunrise was coming up and I'm just... Stop. And so I'm sitting there with the guy that I'm just talking to and Smokey comes out. Yeah. That is a kick-ass rock star move. You just get them all dirty and fucked up. Totally. I mean that's a long time Wow that's amazing realizes like this is the only way the only way you can keep this up amazing this i mean he's in

2:11:33 65. Is that him? You ever see those videos of her when she was in NYU or something, just starting out? Powerful Smokey Robinson. He was like our last great touring stand up that was, you know, of that age from the 60s. have you seen him i've never seen him and i actually he was on conan the other night You've got to go see him. we had to cancel and then right after that something big came up

2:13:52 I saw him that was gonna be But it was definitely impressive. Bigger than any laugh you've ever heard. I know he's not performing now, It's like, he was trying to make a public relations comeback last year. There he is. Because you don't have your glasses. No, I'm said we said this doctor got me I said dr. Thomas I Yes, sir. All right. Even when I was married, I did the same thing. Everybody in the house had their certain age.

2:17:38 He kept, he would course if he wants to be comfortable on stage wear a hello friend sweatshirt that's fine but he was How crazy is that Hannibal started it all off? Right. Non-disclosure. Paid millions. Really? Yeah, sealed the records. Non-disclosure. So sick of everybody else's sex. Yeah, I think they did. Robbery attempt. He was so beloved in Fat Albert and The Cosby Show and the stand-up.

2:20:43 Yeah, right. No. Shut the fuck up. yeah it's a good thing writing it Unless they get divorced. That's right. once he got divorced, he got That's rough. celebrate with your family We did eight. We went to Detroit, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Cleveland, Philly. Gaffigan came in New York to this donut shop, and he was the only friend that came this season.

2:23:43 Big time Porsche. Because I'd never driven it. Yeah. And it just, they'd only made like, this was like the second one or something. That 356 is not. It was a... Those are worth a lot of money right now, an RS. The white one right there. Woman backs into Jerry Seinfeld. Jeez. Yeah, well, I'm looking. Is that the one you drove? like digesting that or growing up with it and And I didn't have that, you know.

2:26:34 And those, you know, those weren't like the best Porsches, but that's what I kind of like got excited about. Oh, yeah? Oh, nice. so it handles better yeah they can oh why would. Can they make it so it handles better? They can fuck off. Everything is, and he looked at the wheels and he's like, that's not stock. Fuck out of here with your stock bullshit.

2:28:45 You're not a man. It doesn't even have the old frame. We're going to fucking die. But that you'll keep? I'll leave the lap belt. It's also convertible. You the regular belt in nope no but that you'll keep Yeah. motorcycles? There it is right there. It is gorgeous. Yeah, he can literally It's a Canadian tuxedo. guys like yelling at priests and like how intense it was oh really yeah he's been around he's done

2:31:31 It's insane. Just shoot loads into his car. Say that again? That car does? Banged into your $80 million car. He's a nut. really it's a great show yeah it's so much better for him than the Tonight Show in that he gets to be who he is. That guy was actually there while I was there. Yeah. Is that a... Whoa. What if that guy killed Jay Leno Wow. Can you hear him?

2:34:55 Is it an old Plymouth? stuff there's still extra time it's good to put your energy into something. Yeah. For me, it's imperative. Yeah. Wait a minute. Let me see this guy. I think that thing probably only flipped once. Especially old-ass cars with old suspensions. unique person it makes more interesting with as a comic is i think is very important yeah it's

2:37:37 Yeah. been practicing. Yeah. It depends. Well, he quit. Yes, yes. on the podcast And there was several of them Right. it's weird because it's, It's different sitting there No. No, no. Strange Times. And then I can move them around. I i can shift them and each time i click on one all these different things it has to be really ironed out in front of an audience.

2:41:51 it's thousands of words for a couple minute bit and you'll take that up before you've tried it There's something there. Definitely. But it's one of those ones where I know, okay, I can't let this So you had a raccoon on the brain? And then maybe sometimes something happens. Woo. When I was coming here, I was like, I don't know if I got three hours in me today.

2:43:47 It always flies. Are you doing a lot of press? Comedy and bread. Woo! Do you have any elk? See you next week, you fucks.