Joe Rogan Experience #1207 — Jeff Ross & Dave Attell Transcript

Transcript

0:00 it's like old school russian three two there's something i like about the fact that you can always smoking on stage no i i don't smoke anymore but uh i'll tell you one thing that on stage by myself. Really? Because they say... It helps focus you. if I accidentally smoke a blunt What is it? Charlie Murphy got me into these things at the back of the Comedy Store.

3:07 Whatever it takes to make the jokes fly, bro. Not too much. Coffee, though. It all started out just late night at the Comedy Cellar where I'd be on stage You know, that kind of thing. And I'd start booking my flights where I'd land around midnight. in the beginning especially, we have so many different skill sets. And I think that the crowd dug that too.

5:54 Whether or not to. Like that's a weird thing where like you see twins, one plus one equals three. To do it together? if the comics wanted to see it that bad, And I tried to call it Bumping Mics. I can't even talk to him before the show. Bumpy Mikes is the best title for it. Nichols and May I. again. So it's really difficult. take it to the level that needs to be, especially in a D-level casino.

9:00 Dave likes the casinos because, again, they let him smoke. He really is. The Playboy one? I love that. We always have our best shows there. And the one we were going to cancel, but we never canceled in Utah or something. I did one casino and then I drove through this crazy storm to the next one. Isn't that cool? unless you tell people But I was playing in the casinos, and then I met Jeff at this one.

10:44 Seinfeld goes to Thackerville. Yeah. Really? He's got. Thackerville, Oklahoma. That's the town it's in, yeah. And it was like a rough, one of those rough weeks. Seinfeld goes to Thackerville. But I like going and looking around the local places and eating the local fare. Joe, that's what we do after the show because we really go. He was giving kids

11:39 and cook for you guys. What does it taste like in the meat scale? So your Thanksgiving must be out of control, huh? Where you deep fry it in peanut oil I need things to occupy my brain. Wow. Both, mental and physical. I was up at 6.30. done at the house, Have a good time So by the time I leave Sometimes bits, you just got to abandon them and come back to them in a couple of weeks or a couple months or a year.

14:39 Of course. stage. There's a bunch of other stuff happening. My buddy Andrew Jarecki directed that. Oh, that's right. and Dave doesn't like anybody that's too hip. you guys hold lanterns, you know, like that kind of thing you know you bump lanterns and then we'll Well, if you you got that guy What's the first version? But I'm just saying, Dave is my favorite comic.

17:49 weird you out I see is really difficult to like take something and like make it not only, I'd say the roasting thing that Jeff really pretty much has rebranded into like, you know and that's you know i'd say the roasting thing that jeff really pretty I mean, it's just amazing. it's antiquated, it's corny, it's time where I was And I was in Vegas, Chappelle again, words of wisdom.

20:01 Yeah. And I hadn't really known. We were at the other club, the improv, sure. It doesn't have any inside. Is my company going to crumble because of this? Am I going to get audited by NASA? I'll take a real small. Tobacco leaf. The leaf I can deal with. All right, deal with it. How about. Went down 6%, then it went up 9%. Well, I started judging it and people were pushing each other and screaming at each other.

21:41 Those fucking guys. And you were asking me about Roast Battle, or somebody started asking me about it in front of you. You haven't been back there. back too because ari was filming his comedy central special there the next night it's one To this day, that was one of the greatest entrances i've ever seen anybody take on stage There's a lot of that, for sure.

24:38 Sam Kinison played here? 100%. And there's a fraternity there. It really is a movement like that, where it was sort of a corny thing that nobody really understood, the roasting. dying right it's hard to put yourself in that roast mindset like when you go to see the roast It's definitely a game because there's strategy involved. There's strategies like any other sport.

27:22 I don't want to give too many secrets away but the better roast battles That's also the skill of joke writing, which is like, in today's world of more storytelling like i'll try and um you know basically work it out on stage because i know it's not like one of It's difficult. That's a very clear Dave Attell outfit. I do creep it up. but they'll know all your clips on YouTube.

30:02 Brilliant. You're brilliant as a joke writer. in my opinion. special so he doesn't even like to get recognized i hate it yeah i don't like any of that stuff I'm present. I was a comic. but it probably helps more They do want to come out. Outside of write little tiny bullet points Like taping and listening Late shows on Friday, right? I disagree. up there. And when Dave's beside me,

34:22 you know, I'll say If only like seven are great. Well, the first one's called Friday. where has he been? like if I mean, I think he's classic. It was out in the movie theater. He's a guy that's always been... He he's a wild man, like a legit wild man. And Dave starts walking around the village underground Craig was my best friend in a new town. He's just, his delivery...

37:39 I'm going to say it three times, you know? It's like a party mixed with a roast, but evidently there were five distinct, kind of stuff. Dave is also the most, like you say, present, but also informed. He's in the back reading and really getting in touch with the world and the audience. taping in the back you're like dude why are you doing that because this is your experience right

40:38 it's like okay jeff what else is happening like to keep moving it otherwise we we can we can always I'm neither. and then put it on the way I want it. I totally understand. I've only done it twice. This malformed, I know for a fact that six months from now, at home like you can actually get the band together and play the whole song we can't do that

43:09 And like the best people have multiple drafts. It really is. But no one is more connected to him than me watching the process. You know, take a sip, He'll just be like, in his eyes, fuck you, Jeff. while you're doing the bit? It's like, if a joke works Dude, I That keeps you. they just don't want to take any chances but as a person who's you know also you know how good it

46:20 No. You're doing a 30, 40, 50-year-old play. But when he's with us, that thing I said to Jeff, I go, if we ever tour again, we have He's got a thing on Netflix. it he's just so ridiculous man he's so funny there's something about norms just like his ability No, he's genius. 1991, maybe. Whatever wasn't Letterman at the time, what was the other one?

48:53 I'm going to keep you... But like... And I had a Jeep. I learned a lot that week. Yeah. Mike booked me back when nobody would book me He was like you should clean your act up I love those two guys. have changed dramatically comedically and also just in terms of like like when you walk around It really was, especially outsiders. It was definitely one of those things.

52:17 Yeah, absolutely. I don't know why. Wow. literally an unlimited amount of viewers sure and people that could come to your gigs like and like jay leno had already taken off and he was on letterman all the time those guys had already like Like, what the fuck? like a whole like like crush a room like at Caroline's I'm like, dude, you like threw out like a million jokes up there.

55:22 gone like what i would have wanted to see was that because that was like a culmination of 10 years of doing stand-up. I think it was 86. I remember it felt like a special event. And that's right after his HBO special. as an engineer. That's How did you guys? I was the reluctant He was a dude who ran the security. They caught And I'm not a the neil young concert and they had wow during the neil young concert the back area is all grass

58:17 I just walked straight to my car and drove the fuck home. Who was the opener? What do you think of oddball and outdoor comedy? We got lucky with the rain. to comics and everything like that. He's so comfortable everywhere, but in the outdoor venue, he's taking his time. You know, I was like, wow, that's weird. i think louis did one of his hbo schedules there and because george carlin did one right i think

1:00:34 Yeah. So he'd write it out first just to see the special version of that hour you need more time a lot of the times but he had to honor that commitment of the store i mean he was just fucking around i saw that's when i knew i'd made it i years later at the store. I mean, he was just fucking around. That's when I knew I'd made it. I was at the improv back in the day, and I was probably going out at 2 a.m., and I still have it.

1:02:23 Wow. like oh he's a new comic he's a big you know i'm like hello mr carlin and he's like, oh, he's a new comic. He's a big, you know, I'm like, hello, Mr. Carlin. And he's like, mm, and back to the sipping on this one glass of wine a day. and he just had reached a point where he realized, I got an issue i gotta stop this but he he sorted it out Some of his best bits were just really good points about hypocrisy and the ridiculousness of our civilization with like really good punchlines.

1:04:13 uh, Yeah. He was a pain in the ass. at the comedy clubs and shit. Yeah. Right That he had to do Unless you live Yeah. He lost his fucking mind. That was their proving ground, Yeah. a great joke writer. It's really just those two. her instrument. Like she was still staying in it. Yeah. Who else? And she died trying to improve her voice, her instrument.

1:07:14 She had some serious fucking horsepower when it came to her ability to deliver punchlines. It's a great book, right? take this comedy class. It was like a way to socialize, really. didn't make it just wasn't funny it didn't hold up at all it made almost no sense to me so i Yeah, the taboo subjects. we need to understand as if like eddie murphy went back to 1960 and did his same kind of

1:10:32 It's like each comic had one less layer of exposition in their act. That I'd ever saw something The Tonight Show I would love stand up comedy Right. I was married for two fucking years. like his stage craft the new style it was like this guy Roseanne had the exact same story. that everyone a disservice by expressing this the way you're doing it because you're not even

1:12:54 Right. because what she did, when she a woman who was, like, And I just want people to understand who you are. Right. I thought that was Stan Natterman. I can't talk to you because you're not being... You're not realistic. This is not obvious. And for you to say that it's obvious, you're being disingenuous. I can't talk to you because you're not being...

1:15:20 from comedy to her show, and once again, it was you know, And it was like, It was organic. totally, like, everybody, you remember, Try and get a sitcom going on that thing. The 12 Minutes. involved and it got too convoluted and fucked up and then after they filmed the pilot, they got rid of the new guy. You could constantly improve lines. It's genius.

1:18:02 Phil Hartman was a big star. long as they can and then then they go back to stand-up and we've seen that you know you can And everybody's always like, this is the best touring time when you have a sitcom. Something like that And six or seven more And was it even one a day You know what? As soon as you don't have to worry about it, okay, good. I hosted a spinoff that didn't get picked up.

1:21:11 But anyway, one of the big things was a guy, a contestant, getting a drink and I walked over and I said, This would have been 2003 that were attached to a helicopter. them someone's gonna die and it might be the next one. But it never happened. But the one that scared the shit out of me the most was bull riding. i mean if you want to go on me people do know how to ride bulls but you don't know how to ride a

1:24:09 That, look at this. that is like getting hit in the back of the head with the world. She was tough as shit. Crush spleens About someone doing something risky. You got to wonder what the family is saying. Women loved Evel Knievel. You should do parkour outside. I think it's because maybe I'm just more into it now. Because you could vary your push-up widths, and you could do so many things just with

1:26:57 It's almost like torture to do it. I do sets of 10. Always ready to go. like it was all that stuff like push-ups and sit-ups and all that kind of stuff and now that The assassin doing a couple of very slow push-ups. I thought that was part of their thing. I need to get back into it. And I've been editing and writing and producing. Yeah, if there was a group of guys, come on, man, don't let us down.

1:30:19 That's fun, too. Don't hurt yourself. Yeah. Grab that other leg, bitch. Yeah. When I would go, I would go to hot yoga. It's about you. carry around a lot of like weird tension that you don't necessarily want pigeon pose that's That's a hip opener And start crying You want to be a part of it. You better stop saying that. And then I started crying. If you're at a quiet, dark yoga place with other people that are staring at the floor, you can relax a little emotionally.

1:33:49 Me neither But for me I don't want to why fighters don't eat We got to digest this stuff I... but also being hungry. I like the hunger. and I remember reading Hi Stacy That was his thing Russ does it. Way better. You just, look, you eat dinner, The last thing I want to do is eat any later than eight. No, not a bad idea at all. You That's not a bad idea. Wow, really?

1:36:48 It's just going to fuck you up. Carbs are good for the brain, especially if your body's carb-adapted, if you eat carbs Wow. What is this shit? I think about food more than sex, I think. if you're a foodie, you've got some And if I eat a steak, some red meat, steak with with what people think was wrong with it's wrong with red meat is all the stuff you eat

1:39:31 I don't think steak's bad for you at all They really don't do good with red meat You do? of those essential fatty acids One of the best things you can take. Fish oil, Yeah, fish oil is phenomenal. It's good for inflammation. We're good. The tears of the fish. What is the other name for it? That's huge, too. There's another name for it. I think I caught was a wahoo. I know what that is.

1:41:11 It's big. What do you think? It was insane. It was so good. That is cool. Oh, that's it was dead. I mean, we caught it, and then six hours later, we're eating it for lunch. Hawaii, they call it an ono. That's crazy. And I feel way worse for the animal And I'm like or disease or they're going to be ripped apart asshole first by coyotes like this is not a good

1:43:04 That's the hunting. And whatever amount of meat you get from that animal, whenever you eat it, you're going to think about that moment. as opposed to going to Morton's, get a nice steak, We would catch bass, and I really loved it. If you're doing a gig and everybody's laughing their line in they'd be pulling these fish up and then you know you cook them later that night

1:45:11 Yeah, they're not into bread, and they're all thin. country it's oh you mean the city because it's so different like say if you're in los angeles right As you walk down the street, there's no people bumping into anybody. but it's mostly Japanese people. And they partner with the Japanese. But Japanese... It's one of his books. Rufus Sewell. Sewellwell rufus sewell is that yeah is that i say it yeah he's really good look at the governor of new york what's he says

1:47:52 And they don't really like to mix with the Americans. He's really super cool in terms of the sci-fi stuff. Or did they do, they adapt up his books? Because I would know. What other movies did he do? Or did they do? The Adjustment Team. That's really the only way you could portray Nazis. you can be a Nazi if you want to get on that show. But if you're dressing up for Halloween, you could be so many terrible things.

1:49:47 Yes. But if you dress like like you could probably dress But they're never going to do it non-mocking. Every time you're making a Halloween costume, you're almost always trying to be silly, right? 100%. When did he dress like a Nazi? what, I guess, unto itself. But pretty much no one can get away with being a Nazi anymore. If you're a Jew, you can get away with it.

1:52:03 You're right. I was like were they would teach They were at Yale, and the wife sent out an email saying that we need to stop policing people's costumes it's halloween You fucking ruined our place. Even though it's just for the party i guess it supposed to go to the open your mind not to really focus your opinion that you already have so you have to adapt and you do adapt.

1:55:06 Yeah. You adapt in terms of doing a set whatever you want to do a bad person The sense of humor in this country has never been lower. Well, I think you can bounce back. sensitive. girlfriend home to my I mean, that – no one could ever – there's no way we're going to understand that. americans and i said well how how do you think you'd feel if you were showing up 40 years after someone had literally nuked your country twice?

1:58:05 It takes a long time to forget that shit. They did it twice. I can't believe they had an internment camp out there. Yeah FDR was president for four terms You've got to step down, bro. No, it's like quarterback. Easily. So it's sad. It sucks. and there's no food, everyone's starving. We're going to go into all your business. If Hillary had gone on Real Housewives instead of

2:02:22 in some ways, right? She was almost People love that show. And new people are getting arraigned. but I I love when it's something You know, like, okay, something bad happened here. You know, my mom Those days are over You know? We have to pause the game just to. There's no moment now where you're like, I remember a certain broadcaster announcing a certain thing.

2:05:57 my mom goes turn on the tv and then we could see the coverage right there so it's like that was And it was just him yelling in my answer machine. And he was such a good guy. You'd be like, holy shit, you guys are funny. Jimmy Pineapple. I never saw Jimmy Pineapple. I didn't know that. He would bring his own microphone. That was when I first worked that club

2:08:31 Wow I love Texas I don't know where I am yet. We were preparing for the tapings, and he never texted me back. You can text. I feel like that's pushing it. rockies because now we have dos creeds the second creed is act now i guess it is because it's I'm sure he's a great athlete. Boxing Roy Jones Jr. is a preposterous idea. You don't know how to get hit I'm sure he's a really good athlete and he's built like a brick shithouse, but boxing Roy Jones Jr.

2:10:35 I mean, you clip him and hurt him. boxers of all time. I think he was just talking shit. And he said, Roy Jones. I mean, Roy Jones Jr., when he was in his prime, you were just waiting to see. Do you want to hear it so we can hear the context? Like Roy Jones, bro. he'll probably knock my ass out, in his prime? I'm gonna ask you That was the best part.

2:13:01 He's awesome. Everything's going well. Pretty Boy, and it's like learning how to box and You know, I've been playing this movie for a couple years, man. I'm sure he knows how to throw his hands. Ten years? This year. Jesus Christ. Play some of it. but you can give him a go right now. Even though he's 40. I mean, come on, man. See if the kid's serious.

2:16:13 Here, let's hear what Roy says. contact Roy Jones here and He said in the video, he said, even outwork me now. But, I'm a I'm a professional like I am I'm going to leave you off that easy. Like what's the soonest we could make this fight happen? This is not going to work out well. Michael's like, I'm booked that whole five weeks. Navy SEAL from a movie versus real Navy SEAL.

2:19:04 That's what everybody says. I never he really say that though yeah that's lands that person's dead when they may be if you don't know right you don't know the actual scenario somewhere safely don't worry hmm yeah that see i i see where he's coming from, right? He's got kids that he loves. Would you, you know, would it work? Yeah. It could. Well, since I look like I'm on the other team, I would have said, my friend.

2:21:40 Dave, do your foreign guy thing. In the movies, he gets to be a hero. yeah right that's what he told his kids one night the problem is you're saying that to billions of terrifying what do you mean the idea that you would have to think like what do I do if something I wonder what Uncle Steve did in that situation. as well as the numbers of these shootings and shit?

2:24:29 Yeah. better i know but everybody's like, what? across the capital. Verdict, though, New York is so back right now, man. I love the way you're living your life. You can tell he doesn't live there. That's hilarious. Is that one? Imagine what they are leaving to come to that. headed towards the border. over the fence. ancestors did that's why we're here but then we got to a point like i don't think it's just about

2:28:22 If you don't have any skills, you have a very short education? Love it. On the beach, man. That sounds great. There you go. Yeah, we were concerned. Because the Oreos Just none at all Sure Wow. I was holding its hand. Yeah, he really, I don't know if he was asking for more money or what the fuck Okay, so I can keep doing my other stuff. That's a win for both

2:31:55 90 years old That parrot's got a full tank They're weird They do not like to get just left alone. Get over here, bitch. Let me sit on your shoulder. The reason why they're not smart. That's my big thing. And we know that I would assume that all those predators have to be smart. Boom! You would have landed safely. I see. You know, this Michael B. Jordan thing is fascinating to me.

2:35:14 You start in the amateurs, and you learn how to box. But you're not getting hit. You're going to get dinged. But do you think they're even using real gloves there? You don't know if it's some hyped-up thing they do for a publicity stunt. See the way his head snaps and his eyes go up? He fucked up, and he zig- But he's out. Yeah, he's out cold, dude. He's a real knockout. Watch this. Look at this. He fucked up and he zigged me.

2:37:01 knockout. But that punch was not someone easily just doing that. Easily. and somewhere along the line either is a miscalculation or a mistake was made by Michael B. Jordan. And he knows how to punch. that, if you run into it and he catches That would be not the clip I'd want out there if I was him. So that was an old... Roy Jones did that his whole career.

2:39:08 I guess, maybe he's good. Yeah, man, look. Even if you're the chillest of chill dudes, you're going to be just a little bit too amped up. He's just boxing you. left and right oh fuck. He's too good. He's been doing it for Because when you get real aggressive is when you get hit. coming or going. When you don't know You probably don't see it in the gym too much.

2:41:21 And he's going to keep doing it. What happens when I do this? I want to box a few matches he's doing on tv really recently like his guy that's he's a top flight boxer so for him to Makes me want to see the movie, I'll tell you that. They were basically punching bags. And all he'd been doing in jail He looks good there. knowing that he's a tough guy who's going to take a fucking vicious beating.

2:44:06 like a predator, dude. That is fucking terrifying. Peter McNeely does. I sat next to Tyson at the Charlie Sheen roast and made a lot of jokes about him. That's hilarious and true. He loved it. If you would do that to your face, imagine what you would do to mine. Yeah. Gucci Bane? that look like it. How do you get that off? Yeah, it's just not as bright.

2:47:00 Oh, so they're all over the place. to lick the bottom part. So you can see all your tattoos? Come on. Mine says free Wi-Fi. Mine's going to say too tramp stamp. Dave and I are going to get them. What's yours going to say? Come on. Mine says In Hebrew. No! I was looking for other people. A hat But nobody had hangin' Is that mine? Dude, that show was fun.

2:49:04 But I hope it's not a bad. I give him always a hat from great show. They should have never taken that off the air. Bumping mics. Yeah. But I hope it's not a bad... I'm hoping. You talk about your last special took a long time to get together. It's a first button, maybe. The thing works great. I haven't seen him in quite a while. I saw him. That was the only direction

2:51:12 jersey comic 1990 91 and dice is at the at the uh poughkeepsie civic center right next door to the just so Dice would come out Oh, yeah. I remember that place. and the note just says, The audience will follow, will watch a great comic no matter what just happened. Because he hasn't put a lot of stuff out there in a long time, ever since Everybody Loves Raymond.

2:53:13 They did a bunch of gigs together. And you could always kind of, someone once described it like you could airdrop him anywhere He's always been really cool to me. When When You're just saying You're so attached to being a comedian. That's what it is. Like, the whole thing is to be friends with the comedians. Did you feel like on a desert island by yourself, or did you find community at the other clubs or i never found

2:55:10 at the Improv You get to do And then a podcast because one night I did two sets in the main room, Wow. They're like, is it like this all the time? The internet did all this. and all the ones What about evening The amount of people Right. Three episodes. You don't have to narrow it. In the same place. But as a comedy fan, Netflix is perfect You're watching the next episode.

2:58:43 our next episode starts at 5, 4, 3. My friend Steve Rinella was just talking about it on his podcast. It's really cool. Yeah, I thought so, too, but there's a different. Damn. Yeah, that's that song. So that's the confusion. And when I reach the other side. Blood sweating. Boys, it's already 3.30. I have to tell you, Stop making me feel bad. I'll bump mics.

3:01:29 to somebody who helped me. you don't have to rely come on, put on this shirt, all the merch that people bring in. You're Dave Attell on Instagram. It was awesome. thank you again love you guys