Joe Rogan Experience #121 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 It doesn't feel like a podcast. I could live in the wild times. he winds up killing everybody. but Charles Bronson had a way of pulling it off Told me a story 16 years ago Yeah, youngsters, please. It's ridiculous. He did capoeira in Brazil. There was a lot of guys who just made up a bunch of shit like that in the 70s. Yeah, he's a ninjitsu guy who went out there to the Kumite and just fucked everybody up.

2:59 but this guy snuck right through it and he was such a pathological liar this is one of the things And it's like, what the fuck is he doing right so he he kind of hangs back to watch and the dude starts walking Meanwhile it was probably just a guy fuck fest He just came a lot By choking him to death And the girl was married Because in the movies, it's like, and then they pass out, and they're like, ah, he's dead.

4:49 it hurts good thumbs but some guys I've seen it a few times, like high-level kickboxers like Tom Erickson. There was one point in time when Tom Erickson was the scariest guy on the planet. And so he went to fight over in Japan. because there are so many good guys now coming up. they're punching like boxers. And Kyle Kingsbury was grabbing in the Muay Thai Clinch,

7:37 never been i've been like oh my god he got shut off the thing about pacquiao is he's a little guy Pacquiao's going to hit you 18 fucking times. Yeah, that's true. That's crazy shit. And people will argue with it, but God damn it, 135 is one of the greatest lightweights of all time. It's like a game-bred dog. where he's being asked by like Brent Musburger or someone about his fight with Macho, Hector Macho Camacho.

10:14 yeah yeah so monsberger will be like well yeah but do you think that you're fighting now with And then finally, I think that third time, whoever it was, Well, Noriega, they say Noriega and he were friends. it's gonna be interesting to see like guys like Diaz who are coming out of Andre Ward's camp some guys you can't have You saw the Czech-Congo-Pat Barry fight.

12:25 fights and he was kind of boring and people were saying he doesn't you know take enough chances But some guys never do that. That's what that guy is Cain Velasquez and goes, get the fuck out of here. That black guy's I think it's how your body's balanced. because Congo caught him with some big punches. Mir is one of those guys, man. I just love that guy.

14:37 I wish people could see what he did, know what's crazy is you can look at him and see like that guy like i'm not gonna fight that guy that guy's scary but like last night uh jake was in Jake Ellenberger they were a bad sculptor Jake Shields Jake Shields is one of the best in the world at finishing guys in MMA and jiu-jitsu. and he's strong as fuck.

16:27 If he gets you in a checkmate position, the odds are that you're going to squirm out of it. It was completely ridiculous. It's nuts. He moves. He's so funny. personality he's so entertaining like i love hanging out with the guy because he's just it's And if you read his blogs, like he's very proud of them. in fights on his blog well i said the first time i met him i we were in vegas and i walked him and

19:03 This is how stoned I am. I've been listening to you guys what I'm trying to say you've got that kind of top game. The psychiatrist had a field day. First of all, you know probably right. Psychiatrists have a field day. The other one just shaved his off, and he's got a backwards baseball hat, How does it feel? I smell like flowers, bro. that Brian was the one

20:35 and this other dude I remember when we And the guy's like, are you trying to disrespect me? He's like, uh-oh, here it goes. Yeah. the difference between If Mayhem doesn't have you know and everybody's like i got a fucking haymaker bro let me tell you something about this This comes out in September? Can you give me some advice? It was a good time. Perfect.

23:08 schwarzenegger is ever going to bounce back do you think anybody will ever take the guy seriously But the point is that if you're going to funk the housekeeper, here's just – I get it. You're the king of the world. How about pulling out or wearing it to you. I don't know. Maybe she had big tits. She was ovulating. She smelled like something. You were bored. I get it.

23:58 And you just look at that fucking housekeeper pussy. When you're the king of the world, why not? And that guy put it up right away. you know, I'm cumming. So he kind of thinks of it as a tool. She looks like the Mexican female version of KRS-One. Boop, boop. Yeah, he got fat. It's true. he did some shitty ass movies, to give that movie in the end of the movie,

26:54 when Chuck Wepner and I love him. No I know but is the acting actually good And one of the most moving movies Rock I'm 76 years old it was one of the greatest and Bert's around there remember when I said when he gets his shit together Dude he was a bad motherfucker and it's it's a weird thing is like how does a guy ran around my block. I almost threw up. I remember doing that too, but I just don't remember the acting of him.

28:56 But I also think what happens is, right and you lose perspective you lose self-awareness you you you keep playing the Was he Burt Reynolds from Boogie Nights? He was a bad motherfucker. to succeed. He was a great movie star. He was a man's man. That's as sexy as I get. And then I shave it down to human. I fuck guys and I make sandwiches in my deli.

32:03 They were really obviously gay. You thought it was a sexual look like oh something weird. and that they've got a grip on reality. And this is a true story. to be a child molester and my friend yon was on the podcast a couple weeks ago we talked about it You met this guy And right away The way he's moving And so people are acting weird with you. Yeah.

35:39 you don't really smell them, right? they had never found something and it was worth a fortune. And the Getty was going to pay something was and they did all these tests and they i mean literally spent a year testing it before they And he's, yeah, this is a fake. that they actually found this thing Watch this. if you guys are listening, the book is called Blink and it's outstanding. All of Malcolm Gladwell's

39:00 He calls it slicing. It measures in a very minute detail, but someone thinks you're guilty, will take that into account. you can throw off a lie detector test With sociopaths, you just think of something like in order to like is going to be they ask you you're thinking about the razor blades somebody said razor blades in your ass and it hurts so bad the whole time you're thinking about the razor blades.

40:53 There's a thing called that no one could decipher and they uh they sent this to the all the top coders and the experts and the people and all these different things, 1912. That's very human. That's very human that's very human yeah and this story it's the mold knew exactly Some people are such badasses. What? out there that are a museum that Lee Murray heist

43:52 I suck. And he's in a jail in Morocco now, Badr Hari got in a bit of trouble, bolted to Morocco. And when he was in Morocco, by the way, on the lam, he's quite a character. They had to restart him hitting the pads. I wish I knew the exact amount of weeks it was He's like I'm back That guy was legit Fought Anderson Silva huge heists because first of all

46:04 and also there's just people took off. But the thing is like, Chinese tycoon who lives in Manchuria Give me 100 grand. Give me $100,000. I don't think criminals like that do it for the money Get in there and get your freak on. Fabrizio. He is such a giant. first like first fought olovsky like you look at that fight he like had no striking even when he

48:44 wrestling champion guy to explain it correctly. And if it doesn't go in there, oh, he's fucked. You'll love it. Especially on the East Coast. and that's what kind of makes it different than pool your ears you know it's all mental so as is pool pool is what you're doing with pool is you are You know, usually in pro tournaments it's You know what they're trying to figure out?

51:26 that are made actually smaller than quarks and if those particles go into another dimension, and when it comes to any kind of quantum theory and they can disappear and a passageway vibrating circles of light. opposite. Light bends, gravity collapses on itself, all these things that I don't know about, but I but they can prove with math that question

53:52 what are you talking about and all you have and they go deep, deep, deep into the rabbit hole. like dressed, like with these awesome awesome clothes and just kind of like are girls around? If no I wonder what those guys and he had like this guy, Sort of you know And you're 28 awesome amazing he's amazing did you you know ray kurzweil now has transcendent man he came out with

55:56 Did you see that? Which is like, okay. And he went, we've not invented anything. So this thing literally physically made this wrench with moving parts and prints it all in one piece. And the rest of the thing was gray. probably what magic is all these stories of magicians it's probably just they came upon material you currently live in and and it's going to be a world where people are going to decide to

58:31 That's an ambitious thing. Loved his father. because he wants to go back in time and save his old man. at least theoretically, is invented, back to that moment in time and any moment in between and any time they choose so time loses Why does it have an effect? That's a wild way of looking at it. which means then that you get as you go if you went out and you were 30 years at the speed of light,

1:01:50 In your time, sure. if you're close to that ball, to make a complete revolution. Earth time What's amazing, though, is that it's been proven with subatomic, when Einstein came up with these theories, we didn't have atomic clocks and things. Let me show you with this pool ball. He fights bulls. and guys like Nikola Tesla, it was on Mad TV with his cup he's got right there.

1:04:38 We were both like, I just did a show of his He's a great guy. I go, yeah. that whole jay moore style style. They should lift weights and take there's no medical... the, you know, crazy i mean it's it's terrible for your body first person to talk about this but yeah yeah What an amazing accomplishment. what I tell people, and I joke around about this on stage, that we're here to make the

1:08:17 It's exponential. they say so like if they say no this doesn't help headaches and we can like with ethanol you got to grow a lot of corn and it's not that efficient it's not that economical you create, as the government becomes bigger and has more influence, which is what it's going to No. Because they're producing anything? philosophy how much do you need okay and it seems to me that we're headed to a point where

1:12:12 Innovation and ideas is what it is. never a president that says we have to stop something that's killing literally almost a because they have a strong lobby. And then if you go down three floors, you've got the Department And they go to getting farmers to grow more tobacco. pocketbook and with your freedom. And doesn't it seem like as the economy corrodes and they start

1:14:12 Things that we don't need. in my opinion you look at history is to is to try to control other people I try where people are trying to solve problems, Let me give you another example. Do you think we need as much corn as we do? You think we need all Is that an animal? was that huh you just you just went no i said yeah i'm just saying like every if you have a farm you

1:17:03 Well, there is. There absolutely is. I mean, every time you hear... uh and michelle bachman and these guys they their platform is basically like no matter what you say How about her gay husband? gay. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. you call the guy up on the phone, And we need to tell them that this kind of behavior and one thing they actually believe could help child pornography could actually help child

1:19:26 that pornography and even Well, yeah, and I think they I mean, look, there's got to be some reason for it. You fucking... Shut up. that don't think that way. that there's there's a lot of social pressure to stay stay the course you know i think it goes back Because he's a queen. because I'm eating pita bread, like men are really good in groups. they get it done.

1:22:17 you become one unit, a machine. It's how you get boys to be friends. try to beat your ass when you move into town yeah but but but i think the reason that the reason I think that might also be this. that guy's a fucking peacock If a guy like you wears a tank top, Well I don't think like do that with Mayhem That's all it would take, especially for some juice head.

1:24:42 And he's so fucking strong. Ah Needles Till you die The guy who was fucking with him And Bob goes, what? And they go, He goes like this. Because I can hold my great white in his fucking face he literally well that's a good way oh yeah was like Oh, my God. I hope, It's magic, man. but I said, And a guy died that way. it might be part of his. Well, listen, you don't want to screw up this Ustream show

1:28:05 but he's basically no nothing, That's not magical though. But also his mother died very, very painfully and slowly of cancer. So his fascination has led him into dealing with adverse situations, like really bizarre situations, like standing in that ice cube. no like if you if you're angel let me tell you something he's right he's so far from chris angel

1:30:13 he said, I'll do this, So he's like a really, he's really somebody children have a total shopping spree in all your stores. So he's really somebody I think people hate Chris Angel. he's known as David Blaine the magician, he's always been obsessed with him. But he's always been obsessed with this notion that how can I deal with, but I think he had a thing that he would go to the bathroom in, I guess. I don't know. first of all He was drinking And eating very little But I think He had a thing

1:31:51 You're only allowed to pee at night Right if I remember I got a friend I know I have to wear. to wear their shirts, Elio Grace. There's a man who's screaming out for jujitsu. You're that guy, though, aren't you? we rolled and rolled and rolled it was probably 40 minutes and i just nobody won it was like to you just got a concussion. I have friends, like I got a friend who got hit in the head by a golf ball.

1:34:13 Have you ever had that done to you, man? Oh, I know all about him. But, I mean, this guy has tried. Everybody knew that football players got beat up, but nobody ever kind of football is so beyond rough the injury rate is 100 it's not that and the fact that they've been compromised by all these impacts it's got to make them more That's who that is. to commit to being one of the most disciplined, hardened, well-trained,

1:37:14 a place for everybody in this world and there's there's a place for someone to be a guy who makes Like, ready? We'll run back and talk about this. Brian is my most Fox News-like friend. What, the building? outside that had been blown up and on fire like i didn't realize that that had happened i kind of Just BAM! BAM! But yeah, he just started hearing like these,

1:40:28 and some people held hands it's quick so I It broke in half on takeoff. Or maybe she was a psychic With a mask on Yeah. this celebrity was a big star. A handsome young man. many many moons ago uh at least i think six years ago or something and um i was single um and i i six girls at the same time I'll show you after the story She goes, get your ass to the Sheraton right now.

1:43:43 Yes, the painter. Before you tell the story, And so I got up and told this story that I'm about to tell you guys about essentially my experience in a fucking orgy. But I know the people involved are funny. Like Amy Poehler came out of there. who the fuck I am. I hang on my first 10 balls. And they said, I was thinking, you know, you don't know a guy out there

1:46:39 holy fuck, these girls are there. Oh, look, a 7-Eleven. I'm not basically like a junkie. I keep trying to put it out of my mind and I'm losing, man. So I go, oh. And then there's a dude who's kind of just standing off to the side, He was orange. gross and this one girl goes yeah you you with the white skin and that doll mask and a hard on And plus I got to come cause I got an audition tomorrow.

1:49:56 and I hear you're going to come. And a video camera We've got enough disclaimers. what i had an experience i'm gonna go and i can go make my sydney pollack uh audition so i'm putting I was appalling. Oh, no. and they weren't doing so well. And I'm going nuts. And now I fucking get to a point where now I'm being worked at this point, I'm like, he wants to sandwich her

1:53:17 there's no way around that something like you you know, We're making love at this point. there i said it really i don't know i'm too into this girl i'm into this girl okay so he's got a And she turns around and goes, I look back and I'm like, And then he kind of storms off And so now we're going to do the whole money shot thing and i just it's been a

1:55:30 Don't be an asshole. And by the way, Because I've got to save somebody. Is it us? Well, we're still broadcasting. Yeah. How many times have you been in the same room with another guy with a girl? I think my friends would tell you, I know you don't we want to fuck you. You know, yeah, but that's what's interesting. Vincent Gallo? It was a movie and in the scene she actually sucks his dick and he comes over.

1:58:32 hi, the theme was, Right. addiction man it's the same it's the same impulse and and so just to suggest that i don't have some So there's that. I mean, I use condoms and stuff, but there's this notion that you, And so when you have somebody who decides, I'm going to follow my appetites, and I'm just going to fuck and be a real slut or a real dirtbag, whatever.

2:00:57 Right. with purity i mean this anthony winer thing, it's obsessed with it. Why does it exist? And it just probably, you can chalk it up to hormones or whatever it might be. Do you think it's because we don't live hunter-gatherer lives, so we don't have these thrills of survival? working a nine to five existence with some sort of stayed behavior pattern that they have to follow

2:03:50 When you show up in a room and six girls you've never met are there to fuck you. into the unpredictable just as much as they have a need to be in the predictable but if you look and he was hiding from the Nazis. um uh uh on that kind of stuff gambling those are not at positive they're not necessarily positive believe that i believe that they're just fucking weak like all of us in one area weakness courage

2:06:11 You might be fucking A lot of doctors though Maybe. Dr. Drew spends his life solving problems, doesn't he? I mean, I guess any possible treatment, I'm fascinated with this notion of what discipline really means know are all pretty fucking crazy. Yeah. You know, I mean, you don't get interesting and funny without those weird sort of... Especially as an artist.

2:08:42 That's why I'm a stand-up comic. you still have that there's a part themselves the minute you start saying things like i can't do that i'm not going to do that any time you do that. And any addict counseling, right? They try to get you to replace your go to that. And when you go back to your old habits, you'll go, damn, I don't feel as good and they debate them. They challenge them to a debate and they go, what are your ideas on Islam?

2:11:33 All of a sudden they go Whether it's Christianity, one of the reasons why it works your mind under the confines a lot of pressure off you as a creative at like pressfield's book like the the war of art and they'll go, well, this is poppycock. It may be incorrect. And you know what it does? you go you just left without saying bye you just took off you know why i took off i couldn't handle

2:14:15 and started writing because after i heard that song and after i heard those fucking jokes you I gotta get the fuck out of here either surround yourself about technology So start opening your mind and start reading. going guy. It's because I'm successful. successful but when like Michael Jordan's not a hater When you see something great and it's a friend of yours, there's like, you, you have to use it as inspiration. It's supposed to inspire you. And, and haters and, and that notion is, is, is what

2:16:34 There is no scarcity. be brought to your knees by it, be, be, be, the man it's all about the work it's all about what what genius you're putting out is all about whatever it whether it's It's very effective. Like you've had celebrity for a long time, but like just with me now, things are starting to – I go to places and people recognize you and they want to take pictures or whatever.

2:19:02 going for. It's a privilege. It's nice, but it's actually a distraction. It's the exact opposite of what you're going for. It's a privilege. It's nice. But it's actually a distraction. It's something you have to deal with. buy into it yeah you know yeah some people never do brian you've inspired people this is a good And two, they say it gives them an opportunity to look at things completely

2:20:21 It's a privilege for me too, man. I'll be there August 10th to the 13th. it's one of those places I can't wait he gave it to me on DVD the Ice House in Pasadena. It is. I'm down. the 10th through the 13th, which is a fucking awesome club it now, man. It's awesome. It's awesome to see. And I dance Then Bobby Lee and Ari Shafir Teeb and the Hebe I did all these podcasts

2:22:59 have you been there before alright you dirty freaks. Go to fleshlight.com to give it to him. neutrogenic It has a very tangible effect on your thinking, They're fucking amazing.