Joe Rogan Experience #1219 — Bill Burr Transcript

Transcript

0:00 do do do do do do do and four three two yes spielberg how are you fella what's going on Which is insane. so that's what yeah yeah yeah yeah so anyway so we were flying back and i trained down in long It's like from Hollywood, going like, this is ridiculous. So yeah yeah it was awesome dude it was awesome yeah it was over malibu when you Yeah. He'll just chop throttle.

2:51 Explain to people what you're talking about. But when you go into an auto rotation, it's the air rushing. that they have to redo those things because I'm sure you noticed if you read the comments, i think every time i get in i'm always thinking like am i gonna you know i don't want to die and then there's other people up there too windy or whatever i'm just like i'm just not going right even if i could handle it it's like

6:07 People are texting. And when I fly the Robinsons, they get a bad rap saying they're not safe because they look at the amount of crashes that they've had but it's it's you know when we were flying through that canyon you know you're thinking that shit i'm looking like i was taught not to do that because why do they do that because it looks cool i don't know

8:14 I'm coming up on 200 hours. this and the reality is it's just like it's the on right pedal jesus christ i forgot that right What's cool is you can do, like, 180 autos. I'm not as good as that. don't you think that that's good for your brain? You were this taekwondo champion stand-up guy. it's the same thing and it's like, They say even video games.

11:28 into their thumbs just how often do you really use your thumb in like detailed ways very rarely And they had this thing when you hit the sniper button, and i didn't have the instructions anymore i just stuck it in the back of the closet like well you'd use for a large building right and i had it just for my my house and i would play video games All right, let's go.

14:02 And I'm fucking 30 years old. I'm not where I want to be with my life. there's no future in this. In fighting back then either I think So I had to really Really pause I didn't You know i didn't take it lightly i had to take a deep love i really identify with you in a lot of ways the way you do that well you get fucking crazy And he's just like, you know, if you can't remember, just videotape it.

16:32 Yeah. into that shit i was scared like oh you touch it you get fucking electrocuted but um i got all into I got all the right wrenches and all that. truck no ford it's ford yeah yeah brown ones are ford uh black it's black yeah yeah i don't think So in March of 1968, that thing rolled off. When I only had drum brakes, I locked them up one time in front of a bunch of millennials,

19:03 I just fucking, I didn't even think I hit them that hard that hard i kind of went a little sideways and then it was fucking hilarious Those brakes, I used to have a 1970 Barracuda that had those kind of brakes. column which i still have because i think that's cool and i used i i got stuck in the teeth of the one night like the fucking uh you know traffic i always said stuck

20:40 Not in the best shape, but I'm just saying it's like I got to make my life a little easier. Three-point turns are not three-point turns. the 65 Corvette, and it has really wide tires, It was too much. They've gone in there and swapped their transmission out for a new one. And that was a quick sort of like rabbit hole I went down. starts learning. One car to do it all. That's it. So this guy puts together this car and

23:12 Yeah, it doesn't seem like this. That's a 71? so he can unbolt it and do it. Like, the engine is hanging out behind the rear wheels. You'll spin around in a circle. It's like popping because I've been shifting. What it is is it's alive. Yeah, no, my head was tingling like I said, blood rushing to the back. One point something seconds, zero to 60. You can do that on a car with all that weight.

27:08 grill like the front end is boring it is kind of boring kind of boring yeah it's like but the new It's got seven different farts. Oh, okay, okay. Michelle Wolfe, Jim Gaffigan. should have to deal with is the grief right you know i always think that that's enough and the Dude, Freddy Soto, what he would have done. freddie soto he's all about hugs oh he was a good dude i loved everybody last time i saw him we were

30:17 you just stop breathing sleep apnea is a real fucking problem i have it i take a mouthpiece i What are you doing? Regular Neck. No, I don't know how I'm going to do it i'm exploring all like the options and all of that i'm trying i was trying to figure out a way Now what it is is it's just kind of an hour-long advertisement letting people know that you're still out there.

32:35 It was just like, you know, Friday, Hey man, see you on Monday. uh, Like, It's like that fucking went off the air in like 2006. still around i think there's definitely more content now than ever before, but in terms of the amount of stand-up that's available, Yeah. Was it though? I mean, there's like women in like three specials. But what I'm saying was, but it was the best of the best where now it's just everybody.

35:34 uh they were taking half of that like the best bits from an hour and then you know and that I'm just saying it's changed. to Octolights. took a chance, I guess. because it fucks with my ability to make something happen. Because if it is an advertisement, what's the best way to get it out there? with paul verzi all things comedy network we did a special with him which was did phenomenal like

38:29 and all of a sudden the game slides to the left So now they're running like this. That's gross. is their pockets are deeper and they're gonna go big they're gonna find like what's funny is well, I do advertise on my podcast. Isn't that how it works? to do it but like i don't get mad at advertising because like i said a stand-up special is me So, yeah, there's ways to do everything.

41:03 But it's, you know, it's hard. Yeah. Like when I went to Jay Leno's place, he's got 11 buildings filled with cars. he also has like motorcycles oh he's got he's got that's he always get them to say it first and they'd be like i mean i was i was thinking like uh five grand and then he'd be oh man he's five now man i can't i mean i mean i could do and he's you know asking what he wants for it and richard's just like i mean i was thinking like 20

44:08 Yeah. there's something about those shows that if those and auction shows or anytime like uh pawn shop Yeah. it's a performance it's like dude you had it he can kind of make cars girls drive cars all the time girls like cars they don't like cars the way guys like cars But what I loved about her was she had like test pilot vibe. look at the difference of her sunglasses and my sunglasses.

46:58 It's all in the details. It's leftover from the 80s. Hemi Kuda. I like, you know, I want to get a 76 GMC RV. Click on the interior, dude. Nice swivel. Oh, myivel oh my god let me tell you That's a retro experience. My wife's always right. Collect shit here. Get up early. Yeah. There we out of the highway You know Flying helicopters Exactly. like i'm now looking at it honestly stepping back and look i go yeah i can see that i can

50:41 Here's the deal, though. never got your shit together. would be down at the Goodwill, studies you know his name is gad sad is it his last name it's his last name or his full name? S-A-A-D. So in Lebanon, does his name still rhyme? He's a great guy. Different language. don't you remember school? William. Babies. They're sitting there, and he was using his his like forearms as a bat and he was hitting it then he would catch it then

53:48 so an old person like me at one point I was thinking like I'm just saying that their shit was all about like grabbing, throwing, breaking. Yeah. them down knowing well i can't get physical with this person i can't like dominate this person it's women that think that there's something wrong with the way men are raising their sons that they can hit and smash and girls sit

56:31 not saying to your son you're sure you don't want to wear the dress and then the kid wants to it's ridiculous aggressive and they're controlling and be like think the way like a lot of that that so-called progressive extreme left is think the way we think, say what we say, or we will fucking destroy you. So she blocks him on Twitter. people but white people have fucked over people who are not white forget about poor white people

1:00:06 and somebody's going to disagree with you. She's trying to get him fired. that because i don't fucking know everything but even just to try to be like well hey you know you telling comics what jokes you're going to do like somebody's fucking act but i mean yeah yeah that's ridiculous that's not a real comic um One of these, somebody running one of these things has to be like, you know, and it can't just be private.

1:02:47 they would try to do like that pressure, it's a small percentage of, And you're going through red states, blue states. movie oceans eight yeah and they were acting like that like killing somebody versus stealing a car versus jaywalking. That's all. no no like uh uh taking people by the back of their fucking neck and fucking This is the time to take their stand.

1:05:26 Where it's like you're going to go through intimidation and destroying people. I can't believe it because I'm a lefty are on my side of the And there's real points to be made. I'm just saying, you know, it's just like some of that shit is like fucking, you know... make sense to me is the children of the corn fucking torches burning and just like the way that this just, I mean, a lot of people, they do that with like our foreign policy.

1:08:08 They had this fucking tweet of her wearing these glitter thigh high boots and said sets Twitter on fire with her $4,000 fucking boots. They all, you know what I'm talking about? it because all i would want to do is just get revenge. I always compare them. So if we stop buying muffins, and then they don't have the money I'm trying to solve it. You imagine...

1:11:11 completely because i think he he's he's a certain level sick mentally that it doesn't doesn't get You can't do a transplant on that thing. Yeah, it's wispy. That would be nuts. drops down to about a buck ninety, I'm trying to chill out more and I'm trying not to fucking, there's just, there's sexist and racist and trying to get people fired. I'm just going to let you forget your whole work week

1:13:47 I said this on the comedians and cars. there it is. just decent, Brian, you want to do a set? You just can't. And somebody texted me as I got back to the city going, And I really had to slow down. don't like anything no i don't i have like a rule that i don't used to what right you used to have then i had a six-week run on the road and it just fucking it just sucks man

1:17:12 Especially in like New York. 10, i haven't eaten for eight hours you're supposed supposed to wait 16. That's breakfast. Break fast. I know a buddy of mine does it. Has a lab coat Halloween costume to tell me that. It's a fasting expert. Gadzooks is not a bad name I would say Felicity where your name fucking rhymes Huh? right? has it been that long yeah yeah yeah

1:20:38 what did you just say anybody doesn't need anything he doesn't need anything yeah that's Right, of course. you do it he just rambles you know uh dalia does it very similar just rambles but that's a great So I had my little flip phone and I would. Then those started to get to be 10 minutes, 15 and then half hours. Yeah, just kind of did that. Really?

1:23:12 joey kramer does the fucking uh the drum roll in the middle then i'm joey and uh yeah i just crush Yeah, ridiculously cool Yeah if your buddy told that person to shut the fuck up or whatever i just like that whole thing you I love that you do those gigs where you get together early with Dean Del Rey He's legit. when he was singing whole lot of Rosie.

1:25:17 And we didn't tune down a lot of times. Axl. And it's exactly pretty. And it's exactly small. Here we go right here. That's Michael Devon on bass. but you got a legit professional singer. For some reason, everybody looks like they're playing left-handed there. so sad and because of that somebody sent me one is it still here where is that somebody sent me

1:27:59 i was just like she was ready for you oh yeah yeah it was fun she was cool and everything but it was just been 89 though 89 or 90 i can't remember that's kind of a blur back then so long ago but he had it holds like 18 fucking Wow Wow surprised i would do it i i mean i don't i but i i like uh i play my card games on my phone No. You know? With the inf trying to make it sound interesting. You know?

1:30:39 And then in 1862, Dude, I remember. I was fucking wasted he said I was trying to remember he said where'd you come from I was like It was all like these people who mug people. Right. I'm like, look at me. Like, what's going on here? And I'm sober. And when the guy read that, you know, locked me up, I'm fucked up. I mean, it all plays in. Well, society tries to, you know, they're the ones that fucking,

1:34:54 And you're going to try and sit there and tell me that that was learned. Human beings are on Earth. What is that? Not just like water gets in the gloves. Yes, he did, and he got all the abs. So he's better than I am. Oh, this is the fall look. That got a good one. Guy dieted down for that. Yes, he did, and he got all the abs. It's cold. Why can't you aspire to that?

1:36:56 And they just want to not see it. Of course. the fucking tweets I get, and the whole fucking world gives a shit celebrities with their fucking political average run of the mill son of a bitch. Dude, everybody's in shape. the internet i was like wow i never noticed that about myself so um yeah i don't have um look if possible shape you could get yourself in that's that's the role that's the even if i'm just

1:40:16 it's because they want to make you more attractive. and the star of the movie was holding onto the steering wheel. And I was like, I never thought this ever about a woman. street he's like does he know if he fucking came over here he'd be starring in movies and that's You're just looking at them like you could sign with the – who was that big modeling agency?

1:41:58 Oh, is that what happened? Oh, yeah. The Nordic and then Scandinavians within the Nordic countries. when they were talking, I got to run 10 days over there. Yeah, just because the old me- Do you bring the family or do you just go solo? I'm going to bring the family on legs of it. Three legs. So you do three separate trips? Of 10 days. Wow. Yeah, just because the old me.

1:43:30 know i have friends that don't they you know they're on the road all the time and they have So it's just like, you know, yeah. there was a company out there that could somehow let me know How I could get a sauna In my house Contact both of us Dropped the ball Free advertising. I love all those guys though. Yeah. then you fucking put the bolt on and this irish guy kept going, Billy, you must work quicker.

1:45:59 Oh, yeah. I was just like... alcoholics until i started working on job sites and i realized there was guys that just had a drink they drink at lunch they were just drinking and you just, I mean, how i i was able to figure out what i was good at was one of my best attributes was i knew when i and I went with Ben Bailey wow with Woody Harrelson yeah what the fuck was that? One with all the edits. The serial killer movie with Woody Harrelson.

1:48:59 Dude, oh my God. i was i you know they the band was so fucking good and then the drummers they had that was they were kind of talking like it was the last year while he was just writing one hit after another after another and uh Cause like oh you're the Sugar Ray guy Yeah, that was funny shit, man. From Sugar Rain Ah Um Online together On Scientology

1:52:29 No, listen, I hear you. I'm going to go, but I'm not going to listen to anything. And I was like, dude, if they had this every fucking week because the band sounded great, I would go. But like I did, it just sort of reminded me of like I used to be a better person. Like, hey, Bill, it's time to go to bed. i don't get like you know this guy walked on water and you know this is the right thing you know if

1:54:32 And then once you start selling tickets, you can kind of float away a little bit with it and fucking eat and drink and smoke and be a you know and just be a jerk um or you can uh So that's kind of what I think I was going there. going like, there's an aspect of this that I liked. So to have a guy who's a pastor that's not a creep you know what i do love about joel osteen is he's an arena act yeah he is as a preacher he's um

1:57:15 No, he does. Holy shit. One is he's getting all those people together Which is getting... His assistant was Dude you wanna go For two tickets. That's not even... You know what it is, man? And he does Vegas, too. it's crazy are they still here I want to see the show, though. But anyway, for one point in time, she was going to this rock and roll church.

2:00:02 It's like a yoga class. Get off the road, Justin. It took a little time off. He's about as famous as a human being could possibly be. No! No, no, no, Those things should be five inches higher. so you know he's a very He's always hanging with Oprah So you know he's legit I'm suspicious is to go out to take care of you? for a mom and a dad and a mom you start looking for a mom and a dad,

2:02:55 as far as you can legally get your shorts down it would be a problem. that's almost like the male version of a thong like if a guy could wear a thong but it might be Depends on the guy. They always had a silly hat smashing into the dirt. took me to the game and security was chasing And he didn't land with his junk. your dick is your dick and balls just just a simple simple trip with no pants on and slam down on your dick.

2:05:40 Just out there. Well, it's also because the temperature, that's what it's for. It comes in, it goes out. Yeah. People keep the idea was that these guys could actually suck their testicles up into their body. Like there's been studies done on it. There's a trick to it. Your foot is here I've been kicked in the balls so many times. I just thought all the times I've been slammed into the balls.

2:08:34 and the cup went back to your taint. They should take like a fucking, you know, like they do like a mold. So they would. Yeah. Back in the day when you wanted to get porn, you had to go into a store. I remember. Oh yeah, that's it. Only for the listeners. slamming this foot into your fucking... She even has like the skin of her heel. That's what that's

2:11:36 I don't know. and then that's in your fucking personality now. them. sauna let's do it we'll wrap this up ladies and gentlemen jesus christ now i'll be looking at your Chris Redd I'll try to talk Joe Okay. All right.