Joe Rogan Experience #1220 — Joey Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I always act like there is. It's fucking on. They just use your phone. walk out, that knows what's possible with electronics, They would not talk, not on the phone, He would walk with his bathrobe like he was crazy, microphone they use in the nfl when you hear all those tackles and grunts in the old days they had Everything. When did the mob officially get out of Vegas?

3:25 accurate numbers And look what the average The concrete is So what I do is break your balls. I got to call the union to see if you're paid up with your dues. Don't worry. Your job runs smooth. I'm going to give Joe Rogan that $3 million and two more. Like the construction guys were burly dudes with big fucking hands And it's run, at least back in Boston, when I was working as a laborer, it was run by these big savages.

6:32 Well, sometimes men can't. I don't give a fuck what their gender is. Yoel Romero. That guy's super savage. He's not even a real person. I think it's genetics. Came over in a raft, listened to the podcast, He was the champion in Bellator. Really? No. I always wanted to get him in the UFC. could just do muscle up after muscle up he never even trained it before

10:19 This is not a number that I invented. Then I started thinking about it. A lot. Everybody's different in terms of their style. And you need to see how that shit would fly against the best in the world. is where like even if you don't get stopped like you incur more damage that way you know for in a His concussions were so bad, he and what happens during

13:09 Who's the guy that went the distance Rory, after that fight that he had, he was never really the same type of fighter. The Robbie Lawler fight? Bellator was it Paul Daly he fought but then the next fight he didn't do well. Lima's a beast, though, dude. Right. He's an animal, too. He never came. Against Iacquinta. His name is Condit, but. with 600 000 a week i want to say that his uh ufc was his debut against brock larson was that it was

16:22 They fought in Nashville. You ever see before he fought in the UFC when he knocked out Pele with one punch? That was 31%. Nada was not around. He told me. Yeah, you can't. Holy shit. And then, boom, that 30 how many percent 31 that's so high this is alien oh gee this is in in And then you had from Jamaica, Or he would put them together and call it the master mix.

19:06 i went back in 85 and he looked me straight in the face and he's like there ain't no weed That's hilarious. year is a character who to make the female stronger something i do not know this we gotta hide this information you have to watch it and right we was what we started smoking. You're mumbling. Because my thing is to go home at night, or sometimes I go to the office.

22:08 Lately, I went down that Led Zeppelin two-road. I love going into those foxholes They came back with those four albums. Like, it's so relevant. page kicks in with the guitar your heart stops yeah like your heart stops like you like i should I had a turntable, and I would fucking blast it. I don't know where I got the speakers from. I think of my mother banging on the door

25:20 She had no idea. I just went and got new needles. speakers and everything the sound you could hear like the the musician pulling away from the He would connect it, Fuck. music on there could you buy music on it i think on there. Could you buy music on it? I think so at that time. You couldn't do it with this machine probably. know he had one of these kind of things on one of the home projector type deals. Porn came, porn in those days, if you went to the back of a dirty magazine, not Playboy and not Penthouse, but anything else,

28:37 And I still remember a story with me and my friends chipping in Like, she was sucking this guy's dick. Do you understand me? Like our heads blew up. You had to fucking shade up all your windows in the attic So they'd never be home. You'd think moms today probably wouldn't even flinch. want to hear that. That's true. No mom It took your mom a while because you're always going to be that little boy.

31:29 How good are you at that? But they also don't want you having sex. You know, and they were friends. She was one of those. six-inch it, and she would have weren't having sex we were just making out and dry humping but one day i had my mom had the barstool But I kept dry humping her. And I ran downstairs. to see if I'm getting laid to look and sucking the tits.

34:21 Friday and Saturday. Donnie and went into the backyard like the fucking spanish woman that she is and started yelling, your daughter's And I used to walk her home and I remember walking in the house and the mom was like, That woman drove my mom. kiss and talk to him and hang out with him then he goes to sleep and you sit there and you look at How's your baby?

36:53 hell on earth. It's getting weirder and weirder. We're going to share thoughts. I don't want anybody looking while I'm jerking off. I remember that. they're doing it again me and my friend jimmy detilio we had an apartment in Today, everything that happens all the time is coming at you 100 miles an hour from every direction. It's too much. You have to give it a breather.

41:17 Last week when I was home, my buddy is a cab driver. On the cab, this guy that drove me is a friend of mine. Do you know what I'm saying? Or February. You take the bottle. Like we must have kicked him 82 times. Like you get all those weird things. What happened in France, what Trump decided, what the UFC is doing, somewhere, Disney, It's wearing you out.

44:53 so you got to kind of accept what it is so if you accept what it is you should be very wary These girls were hitchhiking, and it's fucking horrible. You know what I'm saying? I fucking hate all that shit. Right. telling me jokes on the phone. You know, And I appreciate I get it. There's an article of a hot chick, and it says, mother goes to court to complain about

48:00 i'm saying like i've never done this before you know what i'm saying? Like, I've never done this before. You know what I'm saying? Like, reluctant. Sure, his life has changed. into something that's still ugly but a little bit funny to it. For three years, I ran a scam on my mother that I didn't tell her. I knew this bitch wasn't going to ever find out.

49:30 I will drop a bomb on you at a funeral And the dude from Frasier won. Like now as a 55-year-old, you look at it and you go, I watch those CNNs, It's not like they're giving you money anymore. one they're telling you about the news but they're leaning on it in a way they're not just simply But from December 12th to the 31st. And they said it's called

52:53 I don't know. He was telling me Oh, yeah. thousands of homeless people one-way bus tickets out of town an 18-month nationwide investigation I don't know. They would give you tobacco, but you had to roll it. Then Boulder built a new jail, and it became fucking communist land, like Aspen. It got out. This is an honest question. There was no cigarettes.

56:16 If right now you said to me, I can do different parts of my body. At lunchtime, Joe Rogan brought me my jeans, my sneakers, my T-shirts. And they got cable TV. So I didn't drink milk. Oh, listen to this. and he goes anybody who needs to 4 fucking long distance Do they put, like, a rubber glove on and then loop their finger up? To turn you around, to let you know they run you.

59:44 Then I got transferred to Summit County Jail, Basic cable. Wow. In the daytime, it was like fucking being sweating in a fucking tin can. everything. Your math, your English. They fucking put a bunch of pictures in front of It's so funny how to talk about something very interesting. Then he's going to fire Benjamin Braff and show up with two women, primarily one black

1:03:06 How do you know he's going to do all this stuff? going to go in there with either a black woman, You're saying that because you're a black woman, Chinese woman. I watched one episode. Did you see him? Who? You show him a fucking, you know, yeah, he knows. Joey, you look at legal cases like sports. She loves art. But it was funny. I was a kid, and a soda and potato chips.

1:07:12 You can go watch that. I want to look at that guy that was running from the cops What happened? It's tough to get away, bro. They, what happens to you? Then they pick you up, they handcuff you, they put you in the side of the car. Then they fucking, you know, if I just had to chase you for 20 miles, how pissed am I at you? They hit you a couple times.

1:09:40 So the state has to pay for a different attorney for me. Let Jamie cop the public defender. this state takes us high. I got a better type of attorney. You game the I know all this shit. It's like a sport. I grew up This is going to be very interesting, bro, He's in hot water for the rest of his life. he had hidden or something like that. have come out without him knowing that was going to happen i don't know i was to see if he wanted

1:12:34 We can at least watch a minute or something. I shocked you with my honesty But mostly I challenged you exactly what people are capable of. I shocked you with my honesty, Wouldn't that be easy if it was all so simple? This is strange. Let's get into this. You know, it seemed like acting. He was himself. in a Nantucket bar in 2016. and what you buy into.

1:15:22 you gotta be You know, when someone seems to, like Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't seem to be crazy, right? Horrible. You know, my mom wouldn't neuter hers. So he bit all our friends in the ass. He's a comedian. You know, so you follow me? When it comes to drugs You know? She was married to Mickey Mantle. But the last, everything is closed. That was what it was famous for, that DiMaggio, Sinatra,

1:20:49 I'm a man that cannot be humiliated. But all of a sudden, your boy comes along with his olive oil voice and his shiny shoes. That's the speech he gives him. i might have a shit memory. I think that and the inspector showed up Hopper. This is a Snopes article. It's true. it right but people have a attached they served horse rectum once on fear factor and horse people

1:24:01 Oh, you can't, right. this how good is this actor And that's real blood too He goes, so you can get out. and said oh my god Robert Duvall says, if you mind, I have a plane. But the problem is it got Italians way too into being Italian. But, like, I thought the guy who played Pablo was a bad... and then I watched Man on Fire, and Man on Fire had some phenomenal Spanish acting, plus they had

1:27:44 But he's the cop and man on fire. the one who pinks the girl's ass. And let me tell you something. you walk in, they look at your ID, So you sit down and you write your numbers. General Hospital, three episodes. and I came out I swear to God, my agents, like, they really want your reel, Joey. You walk in there, Joe Rogan. Do they have cue cards for you?

1:30:18 okay, let's do this. Action. Boom, boom meet you. Okay. Let's do this. Cut. Bro, five minutes, they come right back to you. Huh. Yeah. That was Luke and Laura, right? General Hospital It was a strange couple. Their wedding was in 1983. Okay, yeah I think I was in high school at the time. What year was this? Their wedding was in 1983. It was this one weird relationship on a soap opera for some reason

1:32:32 What was the show with the good-looking singer? I watched that before that. Jessie's Girl. Yeah, I remember. He's in Lake Tahoe next month. And the one I would go to was the Midtown Lounge. How strange is that? Sunday night, Game of Thrones is on or whatever night it's on. No, no, no. I understand. What the fuck was going on at night? that was supposed to be Alexis' daughter,

1:35:52 She had something for Dexter. For sure. And look at Ricardo Montemban. a couple comics they fucked it up. before fucking. It was one of the two. Because... What was it? Because he was waiting Because he to go on a honeymoon. Funny guy. So it was a good bunch of guys, you know? Like, how many more zombie shows are they going to have? Bad things. But that was cool.

1:39:11 So when you try to remake a show, I want it to be, Have you seen it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, but the thing about things like Apple TV or Netflix that are so good is once It's easy. thing, and next thing you know, I'm watching I don't want to spoil it for you, He was a very good actor. I belong down there. You're right, but it's also really hard to test back then.

1:42:28 So he repollinized it, I guess the word to use is. I took one hit. I was treating it like the old ones, especially those disposable ones. 100%. I'm writing a little bit. Yeah. because in Canada, in the United States. as long as they don't put some restrictions it's a tomato. How's it different than corn? You've got some bullshit Some greedy fuck. No, the

1:46:15 It's a plant. I find you with a fucking Christmas tree, I'll take you out. You should be making money off of it. It should set up places where people can go through mushroom therapy, and realized they're terminal. One of the best It's something that should be studied. It's something that should be studied, and it's something that should be free, and it

1:48:11 And I know that there's a back angle to it. But what I've read is it depends on who – the real problem is it's hard to find the study that's absolutely correct. some people don't drive very well when they're high. And if you're out there driving high and I know you don't fuck in getting in a stupid car accident The average idiot everything when you drive.

1:50:00 She broke both her legs. Plus, I got to watch the pedestrians because they will walk out anywhere. So I drive. we're driving and are looking around going, oh, my God, look how beautiful California is. I'm doing 90. They're very large. Okay. That's four hours. You stay in that second to left lane and you're just doing 75, 80. You're hitting 80. Then when the road starts to thin, that means you're about to hit immigration.

1:53:40 Because you're going to hit the 10, the 5. You don't want to wait for the morning. Wet rag with ice in it is the best. because I was falling asleep at the wheel. Seriously, slap myself really hard My car would be filled with gas. zero, you know. And I pulled over eyes and I thought I had lost control of the car in your mind you feel like it but Yeah.

1:57:25 I talked to Cormier on the phone. They're moving the fight to LA. and hearing what Jeff Nowitzki has had to say about it. that it's the same metabolite for the same substance that he tested positive for, Like you're the one who told me about that first. wants to get into, that the testing is far superior now, so you're able to pick up these He said we were notified earlier this month of an issue he has had over his most recent test

2:00:28 but there was a number He said like rice. Let's try to find it. A picogram is one trillionth of a gram, Novitsky said. I have a great deal, tremendous amount of respect for that guy. it's legit here's the question though have other people been still punished You can get a lot of stuff in these systems. And sometimes people do. I think what they're saying is this is the lowest detectable number.

2:04:02 detecting things they couldn't detect maybe even just a year And samples, and if you come back dirty. Now, this is this. And then I joined the voluntary group, and my buddy sent me an eighth of Thai weed. No, they're not. they'll still test you. They'll say, hey Joey Diaz, caught them for in the past. And this is in the past, whether it's a year ago or two years, but now they can.

2:07:16 he has this exact same metabolite But through normal detection, it's not, I mean, from whatever the time they wrote this stuff out. or who knows how long it takes for your body to get rid of that shit. And they have a point, also. You know, I don't know what to think. tremendous amount of money for the casinos and you know I'm sure it was a lot of money for them there.

2:09:29 and also the fact that it's such short timing. down to Dothan, Alabama. the fuck is happening i really don't but they seem very confident that you're not dealing with but what I'm reading from actual experts who could tell you if it is even possible that this could be from another ingestion somewhere along the line. Yeah. a guy who felt he beat John Jones the first time against a very, very

2:12:24 Amanda Nunes is something that you taught me about When you scroll back up to the Chris Cyborg, Amanda Nunes fight. I read Chris Corey Anderson's letter. But guess what, people? She's Australian. Crazy. I'm just happy that they're taking place Just a flat. People need fucking action. Why would you do that when you take a flight? But here's the thing.

2:15:16 They're losing a day of work. his name john jones might be having a party carlos conduit might be having an after party uriah hall God knows who's having Brian Keller. good that's a that's a good fight i like that a lot curtis millinder is the one he fought um Yeah. That's a fight that no one's talking about. That's so crazy. We're going to tell you the number.

2:17:49 Stupid. Ask this. want it to be a great fight. It's regardless of whether or not John prepared much for it. I don't think he did prepare as good as This is a different kind of stress. crazy shit. All of it's real loss like somebody beat him. There's a lot going on in this fight. I was really, I got to work Saturday night. I thought it was this last weekend.

2:21:04 It was great just to see her and bullshit with her. I pulled out of there. in La Jolla you want to thread Yeah, that place is amazing. They're fun people down there, man. The place is right next to the fucking comedy store. Doesn't Dick Cheney live down there? There's no lights on the streets. We don't want you. Gave me a hug. That's hilarious. at a time that they didn't even know

2:24:04 Yeah, I think the first... It was like the late 90s. That was very dirty. a lot. Mitzi. Yeah, and I remember And a trap? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Do you see them lately? The Hollywood Hills are filled with rats. Dude. which I'm the guy that takes a car from you in the body shop. You made $160 a week? He was just a dick, dog. I go home I get stoned I don't know nothing

2:28:31 And he fucking just went crazy and hit like a pole. That's one of the worst relationships ever. And that power that someone would have, It's a fucking terrible relationship. I did one time, there was a guy when I was a teenager that was talking a bunch of shit. but i never never never said i was gonna do anything to him i didn't like threaten him and

2:30:45 One guy knocks another guy over or something. Leroy was one of the black belts at the floor. It was all fucked up. Half the walls Everything's all fucked up. some of them are just like me. I don't know if I want to do this. You just had to be big enough to listen to them, big enough to pick things up. he abused me yeah so I said okay I agreed to it I met you wow first day work for free I cut the

2:33:41 And I was, you know, I was really trying. I go, I don't have one. To work for him. but it was too expensive, Rogan has more minority than Diaz. then all of a sudden I got my construct my check I got this check I was waiting for. so I fucking ran up to the corner called my buddy go meet me at this address and I took every bottle he was always making

2:36:37 Oh, I used to wear it and smile every time. The boss fucking the girls so they can get their job. listen that have come out here Let's be honest. I mean, is he going to get there's a lot that did. and he ruined some careers. in front of their face most would rather make their way through the most the vast majority People have killed people for their insurance premiums, or their insurance policies, rather.

2:39:25 There's another one that just happened in Colorado. Unless it's an old truck. How about the fucking guy who killed his whole family? Well, now the mistress came out. and you and if you're a woman you have to think about that that's the difference between women opposite sex, it's women that are afraid of men. He just snapped one day, bro. It's totally possible.

2:42:00 I just don't understand where people get the fucking... No, no, no. Iowa. Go do your thing, brother. So prepare. To really make you think about that ham and cheese sandwich in the fucking refrigerator. Nothing. night it might be boring but it might be an adventure. Because that's what people do. Because weird things happen. So that's why you never saw me drink on New Year's Eve.

2:45:27 Relax. He walked away. than I've ever peed You don't think so? Well, you should always just drink more water. I just bring a bottle of water with me next door, night to the bed with me at night. you should sleep to take that fluid back in Bananas are good right before you work out too. My favorite thing is just coffee. Did you know that? Yeah. and I pop a nicotine gum.

2:49:01 It's very healthy for you. I didn't even know where the bus was going. And I remember we smoked a joint I thought my lungs were going to fucking cave in How does it do that? Oh, yeah. I remember when I was a super square. He blows on it, blows on it, and then he puts the lid on it. Like this is hash. Midnight Express is about smuggling hash from Turkey.

2:51:52 It's, You light a piece of hash If you know anything about me, I remember the Sugar Hill gang. Sugar Hill is a movie called Sugar Hill. You ever watch Sugar Hill? Sugar Hill. I remember the Sugar Hill gang. Because you're the oldest. Bro, what are we going to do? Yeah, I'm stuck on both fights. She's got really, really good technique, and she's super powerful,

2:53:49 She's going to test Cyborg. And Holly managed to go the full distance with Cyborg, you know. She head kicked her. She's so powerful, man. And I don't think Gina was ever the one-shot cracker that Amanda is. And she gave Holly Holm all she could handle and got a split decision. I was like, wow. Like, here we are, baby. and she's got it down now, too.

2:56:35 Merry Christmas to you, my brother. Always good to see you. Well, I see you at night this