Joe Rogan Experience #1223 — Greg Fitzsimmons Transcript

Transcript

0:00 that's it wow a two count from young jamie And Jamie. You know, he wrote on this? You see the water? something. It's a self-portrait. of his eruption. There's a couple of really good ones, but the one that was the mainstream one, what was that? Hemingway may be like, it's worth too much. Lick it off. Wow. that went with him, he was a different cat.

4:07 a supposing physical thing well hemiway was in the war yeah you know yeah he was at his as long as they are now when did anybody figure out a ski lift? That's it. Like I'm not good, so I ski like a lazy person. fucking jump i can find you might be the only one that i know that like my friend matt he broke his You just, the math doesn't work So there's a lot of guys who blow it out and they keep exercising and they just chew the

7:26 Because I can't. What's that? but it's apparently the next step up and what they produce IRAP, which is a natural anti-inflammatory. So they trick the white blood cells, I guess, maybe for lack of a better word. Yeah. That's her? Yeah, it's weird. Is that right? Yeah, like that whole myth about selling people's kidneys. I'm not kidding. Yeah. I'm not kidding.

10:58 In an alleyway. Yeah. He was the guy that was in charge of AIDS prevention. Wow. like put like that category AIDS, Yeah. Everyone's going to die from AIDS. contest dude jesus christ but what did what did fucking damon Wayans used to have a bit about Dennis Rodman? I'll spit in your mouth and accelerate And twice I remember him coming in on a Thursday night.

14:45 And he would take long sets. Yeah. I mean, think about that. Yep. Yep. Wow. Dude, I'm telling you, people forgot. he's one of the best yeah one of the best you could never do that yeah a homeless guy dude that's another show in living color is another No one could stop saying, homie, don't play that. People forgot. No, I might have been part of the original cast.

18:43 No, she's there. She's too big to be a fly girl. I was playing pool Rosie Perez was the choreographer for the first four seasons. Not like an expert, like she could train fighters, but, like, people ask her questions about boxing. as having that cute voice he would do the convenience store security guy Yeah, there's Fire Marshal Bill. So I was in waynes brothers has bought up the rights for reruns because they don't want that blowback

21:46 approach things in terms of like obvious bigotry or obvious bias it's like it's all getting very does exist you kind of look for it in things and you say hey sort of They're always both. Observation. I could announce it like I was A.J. Foyt. taking like 8K turns. Really? Why couldn't you comment on that if that's a real thing? I'm not a bad person to talk about a real thing that you see and I see.

25:57 We don't have to say the joke, but just like. And then you walk through the parking lot and some black kid comes up with a box of Snickers going, Right? That one's pretty goddamn legit. Like, nah, thanks. Apparently, the Girl Scouts make like 20% of the cookie money. Those are the shit. Oh, look at that thing. So when the audience would stream out after the show, it was a daily show, and the audience would stream out.

29:06 I don't think I've ever eaten there. But they're everywhere. Remember Entman's? like hard sugar on the outside of it yeah and then it had some sort of creamy sweet stuff on I remember the cheese filled crumb. There was a big tournament that was coming up. And I go to Dunkin' Donuts. They're like, why are you here? It was a big deal. But also the week off, I'd never done that, like taking a week off.

32:20 Yeah. I got yelled at. is your whole life yeah like when you're 18 years old it's your whole life like you found the uh he's got a really interesting series of uh thoughts on the origins of sexual behavior and why we all sort of have adopted this one thing now. Yeah. And you're, That becomes a problem. Right right i think that's and the amazing thing is that having kids back then for guys the

35:23 Really? So all these diseases are emerging that we don't have immune systems for don't think it came from spain i think i want to say it came from somewhere around virginia No. the it's they i think those ag gag laws existed as soon as they figured out that people could film Spanish flu originated somewhere in northern China in late 1917 and swiftly moved to Eastern Europe.

38:48 Just think about corpse disposal of 50 million people. it's not it doesn't get brought up that often if you see this number this number of people die 50 is in such bad shape we don't have plagues you know there's uh the the poverty rate for It's been quite a while. Not to say, it was the big fear, Get under the desk. Yeah. That linoleum is going to save your life.

41:21 And how, now think Yeah, and there's something about, you know I'm laughing because I'm like It might not even be true. be like this growing thing in the back of your mind yeah you're just launching missiles into what's the legal ramifications would be like some general like the fucking guy from avatar Oh, yes I watched it a few years back Did you really? Yeah, like maybe four or five years back I watched it and I was like Besides, Dr. Strangelove, that was a great movie, man. It was so weird to watch it today. Yeah.

44:47 Yeah. It's a different thing. Some of them do. When they do, it's a shock. Like Raquel Welch manual labor, they don't last. Some of them do. Did this start at the Jane Fonda workout stuff? I want to get physical. like that when they were young, but then when they probably Do you remember aerobics? Aerobics. Look at all these guys. Look at these guys.

47:11 Because Judas Priest was so badass. There's 100,000 of them. Yeah. Or it's more like a soldier's hat. What was my point? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. pads back then you could have shoulder pads yeah i remember having shoulder pads in my first jacket Yeah. If you're stupid once, you're stupid forever. if they've done something wrong, I say, I did worse, way worse.

50:49 calm down. You gave it to me. It makes you so uncomfortable. Yeah. That guy's so annoying. Like, ah, this guy. And as I've gotten older and tried to be more compassionate of them as a product of a lot of different interactions and that we like you hear the And it's as much, I mean, it's not saying it's not their fault. How do you step in? Because this is the – we're in the biggest crisis in terms of immigration, in terms of national discussion, the biggest discussion of it that I can ever remember right now with this wall shit where the government is completely shut down and no one's budget on either side and all these government workers are not getting paid.

56:25 It's almost like Europe, but you don't need a passport. go to some fucking crazy after This is a different world. And there's a bunch of these different worlds. it needs to be fluid you know we need the immigrant spirit of coming in and a lot of them do start small grandparents or 1910 my grandparents yeah mine as well my grandfather was one of 13 and 12 of

58:59 and then we don't need to worry about white privilege what the real problem is you're not Right. You know, I'm a rebel. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was all white. fun of them now we have to leave them alone because it's punching down like but it's right Yeah. That was my favorite line about the election. Drew Carey is one of the nicest Yeah. That's right. 100%. Did you write a joke

1:02:51 Yeah. Right. Like, after dinner, I've got a half hour, I'm like, I want to get back to that bit. in motion like when you're on stage and you've got the hour down that's when you and i were talking They don't think it's funny. But this part has become a bigger part of the bit than the first part. where there's almost nothing left from the original premise. All the time.

1:05:23 and make the next premise better. Right. new bit it's like how do i translate this thought in my head into like you said what's my approach Right. They want to laugh. They dare to have They just get up to pee, order another drink, have another seat, and you're watching a crazy lineup of comedians. then when you have 15 people all of a sudden you're in your human being talking to human beings voice

1:08:26 They're fun. Right. camera shooting down and the truth is for most including myself i'm not a theater comic i'm a So you weren't comfortable with it. So when I got there, it felt like the store felt like doing the main room. Yeah, it's just a bigger main room rooms sometimes i go to largo how dare you go up there in front of the cool kids and you know have to be a little more pc and you should uh have a fake act

1:10:55 they put an act together that's only for like that crowd, That's hilarious. don't support intersectionality he's got shaky bottles of really and There's always something you're trying to improve and move around. Like you've stopped. Yeah, I feel bad. And so then she moved down to Florida That's what this is. And then you've got the Latino element, which is old Jews from New York. And then you've got the Latino element of Florida.

1:15:35 Fucking getting the boat and getting the plane. like in terms of feel and like the way you walk around everybody's like thin and in tight clothes is that real? But what if they do a New Orleans deal where they put up a levee? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't like it. When we were kids? Yeah. I mean, if you think about it, That stuff's dense. If you're going to drag them down, man, it's hard to swim with somebody.

1:19:24 And so there's these Japanese girls sitting on the edge. What? Whoever you are, Japanese lady, how rude. Probably thought that's what happened. hero to me you saved them because if people say i changed their life like okay if i accept it on the positive then i have You save yourself. Don't even do it. Eat carbs. Stop it. It's going to close your mind off.

1:22:14 But the thing is, what if you do? And they're finding people are coming in with schizophrenic episodes from smoking too much pot. my god i just can't do this this is just too much the way you look at life. Who's doing that? All right. she gets the cigarettes she's got a cell phone don't know how she charges it but i guess she Wow. Fuck, man. Social workers come by.

1:26:46 God damn it. Is there anything you can do? If there's something wrong with your brain, like, are you sure? they look at it as a weakness yeah mental illness is a weakness yeah that's a weird thing it's a have depression and my my my buddy mike gibbons he's my best friend and we connect like you and while you're injured right now, Yeah, Really? Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation.

1:29:30 Right. morning do you do it to yourself no you go in first you get an mri and they map out your brain right and the whole theory behind it is that they can use magnetic stimulation to sort of like waken up one of the lobes in your brain that's associated with depression and so you go in and It lasts forever. she couldn't keep weight off she's trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with her and

1:31:03 Really brought her back. did you ever get hit with a bat or i played hockey so i used to check people a lot did you ever get Yeah. Yeah. Now accepting insurance and TRICARE. It helped her a lot. It's damaged. And their system's short-circuiting. Yeah. moving they don't have the confidence to have the balance to move around and their their their Yeah.

1:34:05 I got hit with a big left hook. But it's like, it wasn't like a painful thing. in a kickboxing tournament There was a lot of getting punched in the face. we used to wear these things on the back of the head. Yeah, like it's a red plastic thing. That was me knocking that guy I fought in the Bay State Games. We fought on a I was 19. I would be like, I'd be like,

1:37:25 used to do double backs no way no i did i i trained for like six years hard way how did i not know That's what we used to do it on. He's worked with a bunch of people that have had brain injuries. But it could be literally wiping out on a jet ski, slamming into the water. Yeah. Yeah. How many times did you drop your iPhone? drop it the last time and it's just gonzo it's gonzville it was just calling people i would i

1:40:45 That's my point. It's basically with the same phone. He's been on the podcast talking about it. I had no idea how mentions is that it got squashed by by shrinks because they had a vested interest in people not had heard in the 30s and 40s. It might more likely be a bunch of people that think it's a fucking terrible idea to Wow. and he made it about, you know, enlightenment

1:44:14 All those people that took acid. bill gates apparently took it once but that all those guys were coming in and they were you know Right. You know? He was like working for the government He was worth like tens of millions of dollars And it would have. psychedelics but there's also a reward and i think if you're going to be honest you have to look at

1:47:37 Prisons. I trust that we do have the best system out there and we challenge it every day. And I still think like if you and i are the only two people on the planet and you're like hey man i'm not gonna let you take that acid like why well because it's illegal look i wrote it down can't take the acid if they take something and does something, But that's how you find out about that.

1:50:14 medicine that helps a lot of people. They're not all bad. I think in general, pharmaceuticals have to try to get total complete freedom of your consciousness these are the opposing forces Yeah, you could fall on your head. You're right and we say don't do gymnastics people fall on their head one out of You ever been led through it by somebody? That we're going into this, we're going in this, we're going to let go.

1:53:20 Right. So losing your ego is the ultimate goal of it. You look fucking great. Yeah. roots and you start thinking about oh where did all this come from like where's where's all what's the source of all this like oh there's a validation issue there's a this issue there's a This thing's gross. You're like, oh, Like, because it's the beginning of a story.

1:56:33 With good stories that go with it. Dude. And no, not Chicago. But he's a good actor. And then he went to do Yes, Dear. his quote right he was a one day and Anthony Clark was murdering. And if they are, I bet if you, What's his name? Sort of. I'm telling you how sweetheart he is. Like nice guy, too. I met that guy in a Whole Foods. He's a sweetheart. Sort of.

2:00:37 And he's a giant. He's got a gang of real tattoos. covering that shit up every day. Woo! heaters. You're walking out. Right. Yeah. Girls would be, they'd be like, yeah, let's go see Aquaman. Right. guys are cute. Fuck yeah. Yeah. I don't want to say that in a very polite way. because they're around And he's a, Looks like a model. That's kind of gay.

2:03:06 look at him like okay here's another one Get away from me. If I was a woman, if I was a heterosexual woman and I saw that guy, Yeah, I don't want to get too drunk. Oh, I don't want to talk about that. Like getting her, his wife is in there. Like, It's like, oh, I don't want to do that. Maybe like, let's be generous and say 20% the the number that men would want to fuck people

2:06:02 such a social taboo for them yeah for men it's like oh that's badass you're an mma fighter but for women everybody just thinks it's zero yeah that's true. Those girls and then have it release after he's Yeah, it's the numbers of women that become elite fighters. either wanted to learn how to box But a lot of kids you knew were into it, right? Oh, yeah.

2:08:07 It was a good number. start learning that the more difficult it is to incorporate into your the way you think about and you're injured and you're old It's like you being able to do backflips and that's the first mistake What am I doing here? What am I, 12? and it doesn't give me any pain anymore. Yep. I'm not going to push myself. You know, what cryogenics is really good for is, first of all, it's really good for your mood.

2:11:59 No. It's a freak out, man. It's a freak out. How long do you stay Let's do it today. Yeah, I'll do it. We'll do it today. Okay. Okay, we're going to do it today. You're going to love it. It's a freak out, man. And it'll fix my knee. A lot of people who have a lot of inflammation, it helps them. Ah! Yeah, it feels good, man. Yeah. that. Okay. on the overall amount of gains

2:14:18 if that's true. So they think that it's really good for the mood and it's really good for people with joint issues. um there was a woman in vegas yeah a woman in vegas was operating it herself and apparently she was not in the right height and the liquid nitrogen was You can survive it for a few minutes, but you're literally exposing yourself to something that is 100% fatal if you stay in it.

2:16:36 things that can ever happen to you if you're in the winter in the mountains yeah it's one of the under and then they come out with their soaked down a house, no shower, It's really common. Fuck that. Right. You hit an impasse, Right. Buster Scruggs. It's a Coen Brothers It's like a bunch of non-connected stories. it's gonna be fucking dark you gotta go there yeah just accept it but tom waits his one is

2:20:13 Yeah. That's why I stopped watching. They raised their children. If you said the word fuck on television in the 1950s, you would get arrested. They were probably brutal as fuck, Yeah. You know, they were having Yeah, I'll have some more of that. Yeah, there you go. Yeah That's real similar Because it ended in the middle of season 2 What is that? Norsemen.

2:23:15 My kids fucking curse, and I never cursed around the house. I don't know if it's a full-on comedy. I've heard it's good, though. There's such high quality. Things are so good, but it's not it's like it's great there's such high quality things are so good but it's not great in that you can't keep up have you started watching the marvelous mrs mazel yeah i saw

2:24:50 But I thought it was good watching the first episode of season two, I think they really capture the process of somebody brand new is very good yeah who's that guy who's who's her too... And, spoiler alert, you get to see her breasts. Let's just let it go. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, Rachel Bros Nahan. Braz Nahan. I'll put it up so I can see his name as well. She won the Emmy. She won the Golden Globe this year. She won the Golden Globe for that? Yeah.

2:26:20 Luke Kirby, outstanding. Because he's the only historical figure in the show. they'd be like a musician then a comedian comedians would host things right i don't think there was Was it Catch? Do you think it was a comedy club, though? and go from one club to another Mm-hmm. Drunks, Thieves, Scoundrels Yeah, right. who had the very first comedy club?

2:29:54 In New York. Mort Saul's still around. Yeah, Dick Gregory funeral. Yeah, that was the Beatniks, right? 91 years old, motherfucker. What are you doing now, Jamie? Like it was kind of a thing that people did. But in terms of someone going specifically to see someone say things in a funny way, Because if you think you're a big deal when you go to a town now, go to fucking Columbus, Ohio in 1919 and perform. You would be like a god to them.

2:32:35 Babies constantly. so you've got to keep an eye on it. And so that was one of the few places they could work. Laurel and Hardy were vaudeville touring comedians in the 1920s. About two weeks ago. Those guys are both amazing. Okay. You ever go up to that castle? Jesus. You're only happy if you're banging someone else's woman. Whoa. And they would have hunts.

2:35:19 Yeah. Yeah, so they got inspired from something. And then it was a zoo. Not really. So everybody, but everybody does. No shit. And they'd go hunt them. But the ones that are down here, the closest they are is Tohono Ranch. So when they prove that that's happening, then they get a special permit, and then they can just start whacking. You can go out and shoot six pigs in a day.

2:38:15 They have a giant problem. It's nice. I was fucking 11 years old. But then they fucked up. and the people were playing golf And she was standing on some fucking, like, dead, some dead grass, and it gave out. Would have been a tasty meal. My mom's corn-fed. Cops were chasing this dude with a stolen car. He's like a little overpass over a river, If you're a cop,

2:41:30 You know, I mean, how much distance is there you gotta let the alligator eat him now gotta save your job you're about the guy there was a guy That's the story that they talk about what's that guy's name again old time actor the guy was fucking amazing just pull up jaws i know He steals that movie. No, that's a different shark attack. 1945, U.S. naval ship was sunk by a Japanese submarine.

2:43:56 Damn. Out of 900. So, so almost 600 people got to eat. died then the sharks ate them and it got even worse fuck man whoa that's fucking crazy just Oh, a mountain lion will just eat you. It would keep you in the moment. their shoulders looking out for bears everywhere yeah you're taking your kid to school you better It's just going to eat your bullets.

2:46:52 You'd be tearing open a Ziploc bag full of Jell-O. enough yeah a little mauled will leave you like that but that bear was The moose is buried. But what you don't want to do is spook it while it's injured. What state was this? oh no that's crazy no yeah holy shit yeah fuck now i don't know think about what it takes to Look at this. Whoa! So bears could be in that shit.

2:50:02 whether or not I was right about that or not. And so this is the next video. You know, if you run into a black bear, you're more likely to be thought of as food. It's more common that you fuck up and run into a female. Because they figure, what are you going to do? They only took a little bit of the meat We killed them all. The state flag has a fucking grizzly bear.

2:52:02 they're smart. They know where the garbage is. just keep returning right there's a place called levec levec california Yeah. They eat their babies, too. Wow. I just thought about that, and I feel like it might have been from a movie, but I'm looking But the image is, if it's real, it's fucking amazing. All those kids, they just grow up without parents.

2:54:19 They don't even know if it's theirs. hold them down, eating them like a grape. They never eat. movie. Do a feature-length grubs or something like that and that's what in the fuck kind of propaganda horse out there and say uh i'm walking out here with love please do not harm me like yeah that's not No one's mad at you. They have no language. Yeah, that's true,

2:58:18 That is nuts. and used to get it at restaurants all the time i don remember on the East Coast, you'd get Mako shark. Right? oh so the okay so this is just what they're reporting my god that's sick this is like the of New York When we were kids, this was normal as fuck. Very similar to swordfish. Well, if you're talking about California, you're right.

3:00:51 And they eat berries. Let's do it right. shitty little plane and we went out there and it took him like 30 minutes to get the plane started they'll eat fish they'll eat berries they'll eat calves eat a lot of calves they had a lot of uh How much food would you have to eat every day? yeah and that's what they have to do i mean they're they're predators they're out there

3:03:14 Yep. the trek from the ocean to the fresh water they're already on a path to die their clock has already they're fighting over territory. they're swimming around. They catch some of them. waiting to catch something with your mouth. And so they just keep doing that back and forth, and they'll do that all day. have fish once every three weeks now i mean maybe it's because we're in la but i have fished a few

3:05:58 Shoot loads on eggs. I had no idea. That's a giant fucking fish, though. Yeah. Really? that broke during the storm remember that that storm there a couple years back giant fucking Yeah. Wow. She loves fishing. Me neither. That's amazing. They're smart as shit. Wow. They're going to kill their tuna. they know what they're saying. not totally understood or measured cognitive ability.

3:10:23 Yeah. They can't make the sounds that we expect. We're going to give you a fish. Yeah. But you can kill dogs in as smart as dolphins. Right. Yeah. All of it is, you know. You know? but the poor little piggy that's real it's like that thing's smart oh let's say so scared so They sing first. They're lobsters. Clam bakes. put seaweed over the top and shit wet seaweed and it would just steam everything i've never done it

3:14:47 People say they don't like lobster. Lobster and crab. Crow, I think. No, what with the little, the green stuff. What is that? Minced onions or something? What is that? What do you call it? Crow, I think? Like a celery or something like that? Right, yeah. Yeah, chew it up. Did you know that lobsters were like poor people food in New York? They would just go out to the East River and pull them out of the water

3:16:19 How'd they not figure it out? What have I been thinking? No Plus we talked for about a half hour before we started. That's a great spot. in February and then a bunch The 27th is a Sunday I did her chemistry, so we just started a podcast. way and it's kind of me trying to teach her how to parent, What's it called? Fitzdogradio.com? Yeah.