Joe Rogan Experience #1240001 — Michael Schiavello Transcript

Transcript

0:00 All right, buckle up, bitches. Michael Chiavello's in the house. you know, where there's only like a few You too, man, you too. We first met in Edmonton there's a tv back there and that's all i ever watch that's cool man you'll sit up out there It's the final stretch now. from Melbourne to LA, How far is it to Europe? Can we go the other way? No, there's not.

2:35 I need a map of the world. You know, you were just Is that what it is? whether or not you guys as well. I don't understand how there's the same standpoint, okay, there's a certain amount of oil, there's a certain certain amount of oil there's a certain amount of wood there's certain amount of plastic it almost seems like it can't happen. And what happens when that happens?

4:14 If every country in the world is in debt, out who they might own the money money too yeah and once you find out who they owe the money to And now they're hurting financially, unfortunately. They're're hurting big time financially they owe most of their top fighters And it's like, you know, people don't want to see kickboxing. I'm a huge K-1 fan, and I love watching it.

6:32 But to me, man, how the fuck do you not want the K-1 heavyweight Grand Prix? he's an interesting guy and where a lot of fighters don't like him a lot of fighters don't I personally like the guy. who's one of the greatest kickboxers to ever come out of Holland, He's a great friend of mine, Raymond Deckers. greatest kickboxers of all time. I'm like, Ernesto, do I have to call you Sir Ernesto

8:47 In his own mind. which is Thailand's national martial art dating back thousands of years If you go to Holland, though, what you're primarily learning is modified Thai. fifth round you think oh this is going to go down to the wire, could be anyone's fight. And then some guy throws one elbow that cuts the other dude. And the cut may not be that deep,

10:31 It's so complete. and the thing was all about television ratings you know k1 used to have a long time clinching The ties are very, very superstitious, always have been. which is a pre-fight ritual of the thai fighter that looks like a dance i suppose a mix between a dance and a You know, it's crazy, a chance to hang out with that dude and talk to him.

12:53 He did all that before, you know, all traditional, you know, and it was fascinating. And he, he got It's crazy over there. And the two main stadiums are Lumpini and Rajdhamun Stadium. house? And then you get to be number one contender and fight so-and-so for the Dodger Stadium title. And that's would all come. They have a ranking system. Wow. And then you get to be number one contender

14:15 By the time that they reach 18, 19, 20 years old, Australia a few weeks ago against Kurt Finlayson you know dude's got like 230 fights, 240 fights. I've commentated guys with over 300 fights. the leg kicks, the short movements to create big power, the emphasis on power, especially inside which is what muay thai does perfectly and you know muay thai is one of the most brilliant

16:02 people utilizing the Thai clinch the way the Thais do And the Thais also follow you down onto the canvas anderson would ever do that to him. His thought was that Anderson I've seen small Thais doing seminars in Australia But it's one of those things that's going to slowly come over, you know, the real high It's like anything else. But he's a guerrilla, brute force, power wrestler.

18:16 guys are doing it with 12 ounce 10 ounce gloves on just so hard yeah you know to Obviously, Taekwondo is not the most effective martial art. you can't punch to the face instead of being someone who's a jack of all trades. different from a round kick from Shotokan, different from a round kick by Taekwondo, different from a round kick from Shotokan, In Taekwondo, we would Taekwondo we would call it

20:14 has no idea and that's why They both had that technique down. okay, but I suck at all these other things. It's got an amazing amount of power. Yeah. And as you slide in on it, it's very effective. No, I'm stuck too. And nobody had ever seen a turn in back to the thigh before. and one of the lightest fighters ever. And a lot of people are going, okay, what's that guy doing?

23:18 more gladiatorial than mma in a way because these guys have to fight multiple times a night that's Man, it's crazy. Gokhan Saki, and I said to him at the end of the clip, One of the nicest guys. A lot of people ask me about that. from mike's gym's like yeah do you have insurance and they all start talking dutch to each other Gave it to Mike Passanier and I said, hell, you take the kick.

25:24 Yeah, Badr Hari is no joke. He eyes just go black. Just no emotion in there. Yeah, Bonnar Hari's no joke. Crazy. Well, we were talking about this before that he does a the nose in that slow motion like through the head. Crazy. because of that. to those guys. Yeah. Come with me one day. Holland, politicians, don't be stupid. but I believe that the Dutch took it to the next level.

27:10 went to Thailand he was doing some shit day start very slowly the reason being that in in thailand they bet on the fights so even while away, Yeah. and quicker. If you've watched Kickboxer, you know, the movie, you'll see it on there, the music in just chop down chop kicks but much chance that an manage to keep the forearm up to predict so they they go with less power and they go with something

30:05 and too slick. And I said to him, bro, there's no really quick. Good luck. One of my favorite fighters, Vladimir is the more They're both assassins, The ratings for their fights in Germany And that's who the Europeans like. it would outrate probably about two years How old was Andy Hoog was he? Only one weight class. before he went into K1? And learned how to box, which was a major undoing.

32:53 You could get really flashy with your techniques. and you wind the leg way up over the opponent like the national level and he was the champion and he axe kicked this fucking dude i forget the And face planted. Yeah. And I think if anybody from the Taekwondo world would have been good at MMA, If he learned like real boxing and learned how to sprawl, he would fuck a lot of guys up because the speed of his legs, I mean, the guys wouldn't have been able to handle those kicks coming at their face.

34:49 and learn all that other shit You start as a white belt, man. Because he wants to choke the fuck out of you like he always does. to be an effective fighter you can say that it's all to compete inside the taekwondo rule frame but They want to still think that they're this assassin. And I flick back through some of the old magazines. shit so much and this was one of the things that absolutely put me off working for the magazine

37:14 you know, Traditional martial arts are much like any sort of school of philosophy where one person And if you hung out with that guy or talked to him, I guarantee you can pick something up from him. And I've seen instructors around the world Yeah. You know, that's the thing that I least liked about Taekwondo when I was a child. Muay Thai and kickboxing when I was 22.

40:09 like this was like it it forced me into thinking at a higher level it forced me into like composing shit back then well i was in the i was in a plane with boss rutin and uh we were getting on board And of course, you know, boss, it's like, this is not true. He was pretty polite about it, but man, he couldn't stop doing it. You can't do that to Bas Rutten.

42:12 You know, he'd wear all the shit, In ninjutsu. In ninjutsu schools, they wear the fucking claws There's some people that I decide, well, this guy's my science project. like, what would a ninja do if a guy comes at you with a stick? Oh, man, that was fucking awesome. got very mad at me. Of course it'd be effective. and then hit him with a bunch of other shit.

44:46 No, it most certainly will hurt. Listen to me. You have to train in mixed martial arts to be able to compete with those guys Shit can be used in self-defense that are effective and some guy's drunk. Yeah? a chick, invented Wing Chun. of dudes trying to fuck her. Very short little kicks to the bottom of the legs. he started to cross-train. But the technique,

47:05 the first time that I was like, Yeah. like bruce lee who didn't know any grappling you know well let me show you something here That's judo. Yeah. but the UFC when he got up from that though. Forget it. You know, That's what I did to him. Yeah, I was out, and her sister and I just got my was in the front seat man you're fucking hitting my car my girlfriend in the back and her sister fucking chicks in the

51:08 Like, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? I'm usually like that. we go all right some blockings for those that don't know i'd studied muay thai for about three My first one was in 99 called Bouncer, based on real-life nightclub bouncer stories. Oh, that's pretty badass. Yeah. Mark, try Amazon. Should still be some on Amazon. I had no idea you wrote books. Best seller books. Oh, that's pretty badass.

52:14 The roadhouse. and as I'm squeezing him, you're going to fucking calm down now, I could almost feel my fingers coming together, why the fuck aren't I Terrible technique. What did you learn from this? Enjoy your night. off again and then for some reason he turns around and he's about 20 feet away just starts going ah LSD, he was on. Folding in half.

54:22 Would you really need an apology from some fucking drug guy? You could die. I would love it. I'm so happy now I had with women in the past, Joe, But I used to have girls ringing the studio all the time And it's your Twitter name, Sheavella Voice. It's always good It's a bit of a long story, I'm like, no, no, never. Let's hook up. and out walks this thing

57:00 She's wearing this like black shawley you're boning her, holding stilettos in her hand. I was still, and I still am so much of a gentleman Oh, this chick reeked of the worst fucking BO you can imagine. One hand on the wheel, smelling my other hand seen food before she's like scooping shit into her mouth and i'm just watching be muddled going The girl with the purse gesture?

59:40 I want a slushie. points and grunts. All right, put 20 bucks And then slurping on this fucking Slurpee It's shut. when I fucking kiss a chick and you can see her like a really good Catholic boy Not anymore because I'm engaged. If they're not my girlfriend, I hate people greeting me by a kiss on the lips. Right. Because on Sunday, the night after Valentine's, I get a call from her best friend, Wendy.

1:02:23 Why? yourselves yourself chocolates and a teddy bear and fucking flowers on Valentine's Day. This poor girl was genetically fucked by Thor's hammer. Get this one, though. You don't feel bad for that beast? At least learn the decency to walk to my car with your shoes on. It was her favorite film. There was a fucking butcher's knife, brother, that big, just sitting there.

1:05:36 She goes, oh, that's my three-month-old daughter. house like you don't even know that she has a baby that's how limited your interaction has been little frisky and i'm just like not real i gotta go i gotta work tomorrow whatever on the front And she was like, starts licking her nipple the next hour after my meeting had finished the most abusive fucking message you've ever heard

1:07:54 Dude, I had a chick threatened to slit her wrist because I want to take her out. And she was hot. No more. Yeah, you stepped into a bad situation. have died from cervical cancer i'm like that's just don't talk stupid fucking shit to try and punching your window. That sounds good, man. And she'll say, no, I don't think so. That's fucking crazy. very famous australian rugby player melman inger melman inger melman inger so at school we used

1:10:29 finger another player Inside her fucking pussy. dude, I fingered her and the fucking scabs in her pussy. You might be a liar. Your friend might be the scabs? No, it wasn't me. It was my mate. He just like, dude, I fingered her Yeah. on the internet one day It's on the internet. want to know what it tastes like i don't want to experience it dude i fingered this girl once and

1:12:27 How do you fucking eat out Your dick just... has labia that look like fucking curtains. That's like a big grippy pussy. Okay. I'm getting with her lip. She was like, well, that's just the way I kiss. Go listen. I lean over to put a hand on her tit. I was a late bloomer, man. Listen, man, you're always going to run into weird people if you're trying to date because

1:15:07 chicks, find you on Facebook or find you on Twitter, Been thinking about you? and you're all indignant about it. K1. And after the show, we'd stayed and I thought, oh, I'll give her a call and see what she's doing. Got a whole house, fridge stocked of alcohol, I'm like, oh, fuck it. I go, what's blunt? Yeah, but don't do that. which is the cigar case.

1:18:08 you keep it in your mouth, Oh, I thought it was a type of weed. So it's tobacco and weed together because of the tobacco leaf. Just getting there. I plunked down on Ray's big chair. is just helping herself And she goes, And Ray's bedroom was like fucking, he had this bed with posts like a jungle fucking bed. And she's like, do you like being spanked?

1:19:54 world title belts I'm being spanked I just want to fuck her by now. here she needs cocaine she goes no baby you see my car is in the pound and it's gonna cost 400 And she admitted to it. on the sofa reading I always go with the cousin She just shows up I grabbed her, grabbed her girlfriend, and like, out. with a knife yeah if you had to make friends the way you try to get laid like if it was like really

1:22:17 Yeah. Of a dude? it's being dicky to women yeah whatever the fuck it is yeah you know there's there's certain dudes This is who you're hanging out with, man. appreciate making them realize how much i appreciate them and making them you know i think group of friends. And at a certain point in time, five friends that i keep really close like my inner circle that know shit about me then everyone

1:25:59 like i can appreciate his experiences and his interpretations of his experiences so much i can Yeah, you to back them up you know if you're my friend you'd back me up like no if i was your friend i You gotta find people like this. Yeah. if you're a nice person, how the fuck do you stay there? You know, we've never had a yelling match. is trying to point score on their partner

1:28:28 a lot of it is people growing up So, you know, I've met girls that where's this where's this attitude why is that attitude why why does she get indignant when i ratio of where you go out to your perimeter circumference where you head out too much you especially people struggling yeah especially people that aren't happy with their their art or similar to your thoughts.

1:31:18 needed from any mind in the world to be able to diagnose someone. I'm not convinced. I was watching this mass hypnosis. Whereas you're actually drawing this positive energy to you. me i've got to manifest this in my life yeah i mean it really does work yeah but so anyway so You're in a different position now. these goddamn rubber braces that slight edge in my work,

1:33:52 utter horseshit it's thievery these people are liars it's it's really simple they really believe And it's interesting to me that people are so anti-performance enhancing drugs, What if that hologram you're jumping over treetops? If it works at all, what is an athletic supplement it's like a headache tablet So it's... and then on top of that it should be legal and I think it's very healthy for you're that's performance enhancing i completely think it

1:35:54 of a normal person or that of the person you're competing against listen though um keith kaiser you ruin your fucking body when you take steroids, I'm not necessarily sure that I agree with it but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able And they should be much more stringent in your testing. testing blood testing is the way around a lot of this and they recently got uh criticized by some

1:38:00 and how they've treated urine tests. So they have to stand right over you. Pull the foreskin back. for sure, someone who's an elite athlete Bernard Hopkins is taking or not taking. I'm a Bernard Hopkins fan. I'm a fan of his technique, of his heart as a boxer. They want to get big and get strong. It's not just strictly limited to athletes. that is eventually coming down because of

1:41:19 things that make people younger. They've already discovered all sorts of different ways to if there's some sort of a mistake in their pairing or whatever, like we have now? One-fifth. You know, I mean, that's the amazing thing about it. people are so flawed that is as high as the heights can reach, presidential situation thousands of you go mapping out constellations. Like a fucking tribe in Africa.

1:44:04 There's a stone right down the street from my house. the way it's shaped. It's old, hundreds of years old. this old dude's like, window across right on the end there the Madonna there was this oil stain on the window like see people want to see it's the virgin mary people go there and fucking pray to it the pope apparently And there's going to be a lot of people that fail that test.

1:46:45 Ship to the Tasmania. reliant on computers where there's chaos. Yeah. sorry, gonna create jobs yes give me a job you owe me a fucking job you know that's the the point of this what are those poor people gonna do that's why the elites want to drop everybody down to 500,000 That's not enough people, man. and have life extension. that only the elites had a hold of,

1:49:17 There's only 500,000 people, and you just fuck everyone. of right? what's told to us. And then they fell apart. and fucking devastating world economies they'd rape first then pillage? and now so you're in the room raping there was no comfort raping Legalized prostitution. You can go drink your lunch break only that but they're worried that you're gonna leave

1:52:15 man will not pay as many taxes he won't be as successful the money will go to the woman and The male goal It's very hard to control the wild single man. Yeah, Julia Gillard. We've got an army. reconnaissance scoping out the fucking place yeah Aussies are great We go in early, relationship that we have then. This is the next wave, Not only that, I believe they take tax money for these fucking clinics.

1:55:13 He is gay as Ricky Martin in an airport hangar full of dicks. up as barbarians and They're wearing really campy barbarian outfits. needs who do you think's gay elton john or ricky martin i think they're probably equally gay more But gives the fucking cool. He's not adverse That's true. when we were young, we'd talk about a chick's pussy. It's like, show us where's it going to heal? We used to have the saying when we were young,

1:57:17 Elton John or Ricky Martin? See, with Elton John, it'd be knockout, chokeout, wedgie, or head job of another guy. the piano I really appreciate that a comic has reason man you were, like, all getting up country music and shit, man. It's a great song. I was talking to Andrew Simon, the CEO of HDNet, a couple of days ago, and we were talking Yeah. an ass is still an ass.