Joe Rogan Experience #1279 — Jessimae Peluso Transcript

Transcript

0:00 last chance for romance here otherwise we're just gonna film and then put it up No At nine o'clock in the morning I mean, all the stuff I get done is I like vacuum seven times. always clean she's always clean and they can never clean enough maybe i'm a method or just a virgo You have like 50 dogs. I thought you were up with the bow and arrow. We lost two of them because we couldn't round them up to get them into the chicken pen.

2:21 Yo, dogs are, listen, even domestic ones. Yeah, and murder. what do you call me pangea do you know what that is it's an era no yeah it's well when they I thought there was some knuckleheads that thought that. It's so much water. All of them. They've been using nets Back when you invented a hook, Something's happening to you. What would they make it out of?

6:00 Yeah And they start to 23,000 years ago they're basically in an inner you know give or take 80 90 years 100 years i don't know how can I think it's, And see what's in it? Yo, those are fresh. weird thing who's that is that rupert sheldrake it's the morphic residence theory he's got this likely what's happening is that like he was he brought up a bunch of different factors like

8:49 In education And you're on one side shit right there but it's also unprovable and you bring it up to real scientists they get upset with No, not that yet. Like they'll stick Doing that before different shit that we learned that we are watching literally the birth of that separation Like they're becoming enlightened and smarter? It's crazy. But it is...

11:28 I mean, puppies, kittens, they all learn. Damn. I mean that's crazy That's really cool. I don't want to know. you know we're talking about if you get high yeah you get a little bit just a little bit I knew. angry at my italian people because i'm sicilian we're strange monkey folk And then I thought about it, I was like, well, of course they are. I mean, there's no system.

15:07 They were just in their own little They're shitholes You put in your toes Had like curtains in between How about that one Talking about the latest And that was when if a tiger did get out They're all jerking each other off. Did you get it? That is so gross. This is a disgusting fact. Yeah, you guys have is limited because of, Well. It was just oils and water.

17:21 That guy looks like he's in a real moment. There's a couple extra stalls. Is they would take that spoon Yeah A couple dudes were wearing around in a leaf shirt and a leaf outfit. dicks were bad somewhere along the line. we got these toilets that actually clean your butt with warm water when you press a button Like right now. Do you think that you would use one of those toilet things?

19:35 Oh, are you kidding me? Really Brondel Brondle? Yeah. I don't want to stay here. Yeah. There's a thing where you got piss soaked clothes that people have been wearing forever. got mental illness and they piss themselves or shit themselves and they get this really I would imagine. free yeah like nobody's like offended while they make the product yeah you either get it all

22:47 Put some oil A soap called Like scratches And infections And I had ringworm I think three times parasite and it's what happens is it gets through, I think it gets through broken skin or scratched skin. It was Josh Wolf sent me a link about the little mites that are in your eyelashes. thank you i know you're you're you're immune i'm lice free you're impervious to lice but when i was

24:53 There's got to be patient zero. You think that's funny marijuana it really does it does it's kind of a it's an amazing it's amazing medicine for your brain Oh, that makes me want, like, a grilled cheese sandwich. Like the one thing. Because it's the fry part that's the worst. That your body's like You're a doctor again like it's just readily available but that's one of the grossest ones when you don't you don't feel

27:09 Did you ever have the feeling My teeth were like crevasses don't know i think like you know changes in my life maybe i got ringworm from you Oh, for sure. worms from pig feces had they had made it all the way up into his brain and they were making cysts Cysticerosis. I forgot to bring my fanny pack Step back. Step back. his brain. I mean, I have pain in my groin every week.

30:21 All those little spots, those little white spots, those are all little cysts inside his Man. really are you're so fucked by swallowing microscopic eggs passed in the feces of a And it's getting in your mouth from shit I mean, this is a PSA for anti-ass eating. Oh, that'll be very fair. People are going to get sick. This is like having the mafia police the streets.

32:52 reproductive heart i mean your five-year-old would be like what do you think he'd be like stoner But here's the other weird part about it. You've got to kill them because they breed like crazy. Yeah. Wow It's a weird thing remember that movie with Howie Mandel, Very nice gentleman. You can do too much and you kill your skin flora. Howie Mandel. So strange.

35:21 He's been around and he looks younger now than he did then. We can't handle natural bacterias that exist in nature We already have those. that's been murking people. I'm not doing that. Candida Auras, the deadly fungal infection resistant to treatment. You gotta click that. like now and then you click on that and then you go to another one and just like never ending click

38:08 Please find out if that's true. It's the same thing as. make sense there's no that that doesn't make any sense when the engagement doesn't match up with others to fight and to stare That's funny. That is a ridiculous headline. from like a neighboring dicks swinging, Is that Jamie? Video of almost any kind of interaction like that now these days. $20 million a year.

41:15 hands she opens things up same thing beautiful hands i don't know if they're beautiful i don't Neglected toenails. a bank robbing scheme with you she's not taking care of herself she's got chipped toenails she that shit they love it they love dunking their feet in the thing and then they get to talk to each other but um they would never want to do that yeah it's one

43:14 That's one where people love getting it done, but to do it, you'd be like, bleh. As a woman who's got her nails done. There's a lot of fun. That's true. No good food. anybody's you know i think i just somebody sent me a song of gypsy kings recently they've been i mean i flick a bean to it all the time that shit's meant that shit's sexy It's like in the places that suck the most, they have the shittiest accents

45:49 They don't want Absolutely There's a Yep Anyway Who would wear a stethoscope around his neck like hanging around his neck. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That is ballsy. Dr. Malachi A. Love Robinson. Healthcare proxy, maybe? using a system of practice that bases treatment on physiological functions and abnormal conditions Yeah, who read that and was like, I need to make an appointment immediately.

49:04 I would not go to that You don't know shit about medical practices. that or it's a part of your culture yeah right you're born into it absolutely it's a cultural to a meeting no but i did go to one of those um they had like a conference tables a folding table It's called an... interesting because the guy who was doing it must be just like some regular dude who's in the church

51:55 Because it's a religion? We're on one side of the coin Absolutely. If you tell people how Quake teams are, that they're clans. That's it. if you were to say any word, I wasn't saying anything else. Like, you can't. That's right. He was retired? yeah hitler was a huge fan of chaplin absolutely there's there's some crossover there chaplin was let me see that photo

55:08 What a great sentence. It's capitalized. Relating to the Teutons. So go back to that. german maybe it was a germanic mustache yeah maybe it was a la mode of the times yeah i mean maybe a That's too much, right? up like a sexy baby are we really doing this this? Is this necessary? A lot of people are doing that. No one needs to see sexy babies. You're like fighting these invisible foes.

57:38 They make a shitload of money. They don't even have to have degrees in electronics or in engineering or anything. bizarre flossy carter's my favorite i don't know there's a thing that's no yes yeah he's a jack technology i'm always fascinated by innovations in phone technology because it's like I'm watching someone faster and better Shout out to Flossie.

59:30 Pretty fucking silly, but some people like them, some people don't. What's his background? fun to listen to. Yeah, his voice is interesting. And if it was a television show, people might not have watched it. you know, like a television show. I was going to say, And he had a soul patch then as well. Nazi. enjoy the feeling of being offended i think there's a there's a sweet spot in the middle

1:02:39 They love getting offended. Did they turn him into a leprechaun? Oh, that goddamn leprechaun. When people are offended They're not involved And physically involved That's busted. Holy hell. You guys don't remember Chewy He looks like he runs a casino in upstate New York Let's listen to some Charlie Chan. Remember, she was cast in that movie, and it was supposed to be an Asian role?

1:05:39 Already you have telephoned me. the pulled back face yeah where you're like take off 10 years but back then you know this guy could Dude This is You just can't see it coming With that head wrap Yeah, he's like an 80-year-old Tate. Including the way he talked. Oh that made me cry laugh Everything did kinda suck I mean the likeness is a little amazing that's who he is wow imagine look at

1:09:04 kind of get He'll do radio and then he'll do a show at noon for people that don't have jobs. Yeah. 19 months pregnant He takes his shirt off I keep my shirt on I don't know if it's a body Fuck yeah. are just kind of quiet on stage if i could get a laugh just by taking off my shirt i think i'd go stopped doing it people probably get mad now they'll get mad they'll throw things out yeah

1:12:13 like a there's a comic in new york it snaps got like a snap every time they and you know Hmm. people going after what they're doing and finding a little trick to it who cares is it what everybody's too much time and they get stuck in that they stuck in that like web universe well not just because you keep falling off of it. I like that one map that we play on

1:15:21 too it's become a problem jeff fucked me up Yesterday too I think it's good to have That skill Chinook to bartend at this place called puffy's tavern in tribeca walking downtown beautiful sunny day it looked like like that bullet that little bullet vibrator thing or like a little suppository in the But what do you remember? than I thought. and I value his opinion

1:17:54 in my obsession with ufos i was convinced what kicked it off just hearing people's stories if that has no end. has a finality to it. Every thing yeah we think but this guy when he planted that I guess 12. Like one thing that a teacher said. They were scary And have a Yeah I think three I had a really cool That's what it was like. like a theater or any sort of cultural exposure that

1:21:12 As a performer But you know Yeah. You're the scientist I can't do the math I was gonna mean 22 years ago you were bad at math just like me. Yeah, Actually, there and you imitate something until you have your own voice for the most part yep for sure always thought about that like aspect of it like just my my physicality and not feeling right now because he can't find mine stanhope is getting ready to film another special yeah

1:24:51 he has his own glad he's out there yeah he's he's amazing i love watching him glad he's out there He wears loafers like an old man from Caddyshack days. His cousin from Toledo sells cars. But you're right Like he used to dress and it's amazing that he finds them all that seem to be tailored it's like he gets a fraud It's not bum, though. they'd be wearing

1:26:55 to Prada? to get used to the fact always spend it all or go crazy it's like i don't think people get adjusted to that idea that all it doesn't matter if you teach comedians financial responsibility most of us are not going to follow What do you do that brings you joy that is a commercial? What is it? ever driven by far every other car seems stupid what model is it dumb it's the model s i was just

1:30:02 It makes perfect turns. know if this is true and it's irresponsible for me to even say it but i'm gonna say it They feel the gears. It does look like it's working I enjoy driving Well, I do too. Yeah, hit that. Yeah. Why not? Like, when you get up to red line when And you're all... then he can make some force sounds It's all about the shift. you know you're not interactive with shifting and everything which is probably the fun of having a

1:35:16 Sounds like just something over there, something here. fart machine dude a fart machine would make actual farts. There's no machine. You can have like wet farts. Oh. Short little tiny farts. Hookworm. There's different kinds of farts. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can have like wet farts, short little tiny farts. Have you ever seen an animal? Like how many worms are we talking?

1:36:41 No, Nature's weird, man. Yeah, well, these things. It was 17 feet long. I can't even understand that Carrying 73 eggs so this has only been going on apparently for like the last 15 or so years they apparently And that's just now. Forget the dude naked at Chick-fil-A. They're just going to eat their way out of you to survive. Look at that. I don't know

1:40:03 But look how it gets Hide under a canopy Because if they All the ecosystem are kind of hard to sneak up on and capture and hold on to i don't think they down all that maybe even longer yeah it's got to have some gnarly, like, acids in its stomach to break that down. survived its massive meal but that a second gator came to the rescue and bit off the snake's head

1:42:49 I think they're assholes. the chicken and one crocodile reaches over to the guy next to him and bites his leg bites the It's so crazy to watch I'm gonna be like Oh, no. Yes, they are. Gator DNA on my face Scales? Just glue them to there right now Well, most likely. Yeah. And you know all about gut acids. That's Sicilian science What's crazy about Just keep breeding

1:45:43 Back to where it should be Yeah. Yeah, they don't. Like, he went from being just a regular guy talking about break-ins. rapper she's got like 20 million followers on instagram dude and she's rapping she's got a I love it. people should be uh do you think that someone can be gay and then that it could switch over or their fear of changing. same hair as beyonce it's his real hair i think the same thing when i wake up she's real too by

1:49:03 trying to have a conversation here i mean we need some border security don I know what the fuck You're doing racist Like no no no no You're like I'm just Trying to have a conversation here With crazies No it's paved That's what the path is like. I was like, true. Oh, that's a bummer. There can't be two scientists. Like a big line? That's all my zones

1:50:52 That is spectacular Not like I know I'm in overalls, I don't have it, though. And you just kept fucking going. evade you know totally just like abandoned their joke and messed up the flow but you just Like, can deal with someone A planner? get to decide what you like or don't like just because you're in front of that person you yell You really listening to that?

1:54:31 bringing that up god he's gross disgusting he's very angry ew he looks like a man ape ew You've got daughters in your house. Have different go-to's Fucking Christmas I only went to Listen He was very very nice like the full house era i was like somebody put me on the bed and then i apologized to caitlin i yeah a couple others it's like that's like Cats are scary in real life.

1:57:34 I think they're cool. Yeah, they shit in a box, but that's a great thing. You've got a fucking zoo. following him on instagram he's so happy i follow your dog on instagram he's my buddy he's he's it's we struggle, bitch. 16 hours dogs wait about a week that long yeah they probably don't even wait that long dogs been on this UFO documentary kick. It's a documentary on this guy who claimed that he worked on these alien ships in Area 51 in the 1980s.

2:00:14 No, no, no, an element, that you would put your hand on this thing and these lines these metal lines would detect the did this guy who was creative of this documentary was very difficult for them to get photos of this That thing right there, you put your hand on that, and it actually measures the distance of the size and length of your bones. of the government that had access at least in the 1980s to alien technology i mean it probably is

2:03:01 there. Or is there a production company involved? some advanced technology and be able to just sort of chill you know scoot around scoot scoots magoots They'd wind up getting sick from radiation. someone else from another planet would create that we wouldn't understand at all and he said Joseph Rogan. Yeah, take them back. Yeah, sure he did, and he didn't deserve them.

2:05:54 But it is entirely possible. the we're the most advanced that's possible too because something has to be the most advanced Stone and chisels. It's totally possible. how it exists and like being able to hop along that spectrum of it it freaks me should the fuck Beautiful face. Iconic. yeah increases your heart rate and all that and what not It also kills your appetite I think Totally

2:09:32 Is by smoking cigarettes Stamos and get hookworm See you on the other side. All of mankind's entertainment roadhouse through 10 seasons I mean, okay. I'm sorry, Caitlin. You have to. she was the star of this movie. It's crazy. Gina Gershon. That is a great cast. But didn't Demi Moore do a stripper movie too? In that movie G.I. James Dude That's like something on a television show.

2:13:23 Was she going to do another movie? I don't know. I don't know what she's going to do. You're still high. No. Yeah. That some men employ She's not going to need me She's in, like, dude's briefs and some, like, doilies on her legs. No, I heard it's amazing. Yeah. Back in the day, and you're like, It's selfish and it's terrible and it breaks all ethical rules.

2:16:08 There was a psychologist who wanted to find out stuff. Wow. apparently, somewhere, and it never came out. And that's what I'm saying. where hitler came from yeah that kind of thinking like i mean you hear about some of the experiments It's, you know. these nazis that were working for germany making rockets and involved in like high level science south america a lot of nazis went to argentina and south america they fled germany and tim kennedy

2:19:31 where they all they do is speak german they they have oktoberfest they have uh photographs on their That's bizarre. happened to Hitler. No they did. away. Of these fucking people Look at that They're drinking out of steins Listen, I know a place. Useless. THC delivers it. One to one? You feel energized, clear. I woke up two o'clock in the morning. I keep my laptop right now by the bed.

2:23:02 just try this yeah i just run in the other room, and I start writing, and then boom, it becomes a bit. I mean, there's something to it definitely when you when you have a moment to Like if you're in your car, like that's the other thing about that little car that I was It's like you're tuned into the thing as you're doing it. And when I was doing that, I would come up with some of my best bits when I wasn't listening to the radio.

2:24:54 to do this like regular machine thing, your brain sort of just can roam in the woods and just pick Fuck no Down the road i'm exhausted you know the brain needs a break but yeah i definitely i think of random things Try These You know Was it Michael Chandler told us about it? this i am a goddamn doctor jesse may tell everybody how they can find you on the internets.

2:27:12 because of that. my friend. Bye, fuckers.