Joe Rogan Experience #1304 — Brendan Schaub Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Australia to The editing is painful For sure Because last week I was doing At least that's how it is for me. Yeah, and then you're like, oh, I don't really want this. Neil started it. to you right now jim gaffigan is a ma-ma-ma-monster. Was he really? The fucking animation today is so incredible. Do you watch the Despicable Me's With the 80's soundtrack

2:44 That's good too Yeah I That's good, too. So this is to text Brennan. One microphone is for jokes I pretend I can't remember that I read off a card. You just hear, boom. The liver was exposed. Yeah. and me laughing my ass off the funnest show ever well you guys go back and forth at each other it's Wash his hands Brody had that unique style, too. All you guys.

6:00 His jokes are great. all over the fucking pipe right now he goes to africa for like six weeks like he's all you hear Francis Ngannou Yeah Could sense that a little bit africa they go stop you are not running through this area we're going to put you in a car we're Before the way humans are fucking up the world, there's no going back. they know there's a real problem with carbon in the environment they know that human beings have

8:51 Some people are like, oh, global warming's not real. like trash and stuff that's a giant problem there's also too many people start to have less kids that's a fair point but also even americans they're having kids later Fucking snakes everywhere that'll kill you. But Australia has less people than L.A. I'm sure you've done comedy. I love Sydney, too, though.

10:52 No shit, when? Came out cold. I don't go to Australia and just go by yourself, man. Oh, they're good people. For a fucking reason But I could see The driving on the wrong side Okay Yeah that's why you swing a sword with your right arm Here's a little loophole. Because they're harder to resell because there's less and less people. Probably just buy it on the other side for the price.

12:53 I'm like, this is all so screwy. Where they're like, nah, fuck it. Europe makes the best cars, and they're on the left, right? Yeah, some of them are, you know, you're looking, dollars so yeah it's crazy that you could buy a car that's worth more than most people's houses Is it really? The underside of that thing is jacked And that's all carbon fiber so he scratched the fuck out of it man yeah well those

15:26 dudes buy these million dollar cars he's like you know what bothers me is they don't drive them to get on the accolade, like on the list. Even if it sucks That's kind of cool Well, you probably, I don't know. You're not going to stop it. I don't think they want that, though. I'm like that with shoes, though. mean as far as performance. They beefed up the suspension.

18:27 It's pretty custom Hell yeah it is I feel like Tate Fletcher would drive that every day. See, that's dope. They don't want shitty cars. You feel the gears and you feel the brrrr. It's not ferocious. what you get from a Tesla this thing just goes quicker. how quick a car I don't drive it. Yeah. think about drunk being drunk driving drunk you know going to someone's house after the bar it's

22:27 Hillary Clinton's emails That's a new option they're doing I really would prefer people you know faking like the uber drivers putting the sign on them murdering women there's It was fascinating. And you know me. a job like it does affect me a little bit. But these gentlemen, he interviewed Charles Manson. He had a quote, though. He's like, it used to be kind of cool, the end thing, to be crazy.

25:48 What does that get you? Who's to say how many hairs? 100 Gs, dude. in there let's say 22 marries a serial killer in prison at least you know she's not gonna die but They just got a shitty roll of the dice. can't they can't sell it no i had a buddy my strength coach uh doc crease rented it it was Didn't give a fuck. They should. I drove to the O years. They might have knocked it down. They should.

28:17 But that dude, he was just talking, talking. parents or the son right and he goes absolutely not absolutely not brendan and then goes on how I'm going to shut the fuck up now. i didn't promote my special i was there for my special i didn't say a word yeah i made one stupid Dude. The COA will be, Certificate of of Authenticity will be included upon purchase.

31:06 You don't want the updated shit. Chops right off his hair. You know what? Thursday? Some people work all day Because they can do that What, are we not supposed to talk about it because you're busy? talking about? And everyone's like, you should be the king. Who is this guy? And then it closes. Yeah, they hated each other. There's no way That was dope

33:55 darkness, the dragon's face appears. Because it used to be kind of like semi corny What's his name? Christian Bale Someone just brought this up on my show. A homeboy from Australia was in it too. Batman. Reign of Fire? Bro, this fucking movie was not a bad movie. 2002? They're not showing you much. I know. But yes. Yes. fucking silly bitch to me i'll laugh i'll fall down the floor i'll start laughing like you can

37:03 like there's certain words you probably shouldn't say because we've all agreed that those words have a negative move to make words the problem. right right right yeah that's the problem that's the problem that's so ingrained in my vernacular and the problem is it's such a good sound for that thought fun word the same Like when Mike Tyson goes, I'm going to fuck you until you love me, faggot.

39:26 That guy. They sat us next to his family My brother's looking all fresh. We should probably get out of here. these animals these guys who aren't at your level but he's such a good person i'm like ah dude don't entering into the olympics he's going to be having matches against guys who have 10 years experience. Huge reach and ridiculous power. Will you agree with that?

42:21 Because when he was walking out, I felt so bad for Brazil. down damn you know why because he wants he wants to fight joshua wants to fight fury he goes well It's definitely easier fights. Oh, I think so. It's context, remember? So if you look at it, I thought he should have won a decision, but I agree with the result. Me too. This is, About 11 or 12, isn't it?

44:43 But you're right. should be a clock and then when someone goes down someone else not the referee hits that button He might want a guy to get up. And they grab their- No. They fuck up. Amazing. All I'm doing is talking while the fight's going on. But I'm not being humble. Go watch DAZN when Can canelo fought it was so bad it was Oh, he's the best. I think Andre and Paulie, they're both, you can switch out depending on what you like.

47:50 He was putting his hands behind his back and knocking people out. Nobody talks about him. because his knee got kicked against Conor Neal. No, no. I think of Anderson Silva fucking I don't think of him bitching out because his knee got kicked against Conor Neal. So it's weird with Roy. It's not good, though. I went on a rant house saying, I don't think he should do it.

49:10 Pauly's gonna hear this But if I was doing something Hopefully I get McGregor out And it was a bad idea But then that's what I'm saying. Let's say he's made, what is that, fucking $250,000. You've got to change your tune, Joe, a little bit. nothing cuts you up more than elbows and elbows are 100% legal in the UFC They're hard to pull off though Like whatever was wrong with his shoulder recovered

51:56 usually you can go through some shit. Just imagine if that winds up defining his career. He's been fighting in Brazil since he was three. That's a really smart thing, the level of competition except for sahudo we're finding out sahudo's the fucking man The margin of error is so small. John can take a shot. But if it's R Glover, he's getting knocked the fuck out. Maybe. The margin here is so small.

53:34 Cejudo had seven fights the first time. It's so tough to tell man Dude how about your boy Sage Yeah I know he's still and landed that fucking right hand, and it was on the bazooka. Don't you feel bad for Sage? Do you feel bad for Sage? He's very good. Cosmo? He shouldn't be... Well, because they want him to be tested. It's a great thing for him, I think.

56:53 Good luck getting past him. This is Cosmo's first MMA fight. Taking Cosmo down is easier than said. He's older, man. I think it does though Because it shows Really? I mean that's his bread and butter If that's his game is just to stand up and strike with people, then just stay a kickboxer. Here's how you win. But you just tell him. Which he's never done in any fight ever.

59:17 You beat a straight world-class kickboxer in MMA. often criticized but there's some real good points to it about developing a fighter you give a guy a I don't know. His uh... Yeah. Nikki Holtzkin knocks out Cosmo Alexandra. First of all, Nicky is, like, one of the best body punchers in kickboxing. amazing career in glory too some fucking incredible fun incredible fights. So fun to watch, man.

1:01:36 Look at the technique, bro. Holtzkin also fought It's Showtime was the shit, man With Ron Kruk The other guy. Yeah. Kenny was great. He was on that. Just fly in, do the show, fly back out. Kentucky Derby once a year I'm so down for that Take acid Dude I drink whiskey A lot of stress. I don't know why. It is delicious. This grenade goblet they got. I'm not drinking that zombie piss.

1:04:41 Is it sold out? Johnny Walker's a white walker I wish they would've won Fuck the White Walkers. Shoot some arrows. Rafael Dos Anjos versus Kevin Lee. Yeah. For us a hobby is Explosive That's what I think So I told him that I think that he should go to Firasahabi's, and I told him about Vinny Yes. Like a legit coach, head coach, leader. Yeah, not good.

1:07:14 as a fighter, I mean, A dog fight. Like, he looked fucking good, man. But the thing that fucks your cardio and your energy like no other, the antibiotics fuck you so bad. I saw it immediately that looks like staff to me than anyone in that goddamn arena. Get the fuck out of here. He's going to come on again soon. I'll text you. and you see this kid is champion the other guys just keep doing what you're doing he 100 100

1:09:37 He needs a fucking conductor. I'm sorry, not Mike Brown And he starts talking about her He goes, oh, she drove me to my first fight. I'm like, well, because you are a champ. He's the best 145 pounder ever, and he's without a doubt one of the best pound for pound fighters He has a belt. You had all these dreams, your wife, how many sacrifices. No, no, but what I'm telling them is you've succeeded.

1:11:44 Probably thinks he's still on the quest. I don think you can do you think like that do i think demon though isn't it joe like 100 like my one of my dreams was to buy the car that i bought and i But don't get, the thing about stuff, though, as opposed to goals, trying to get stuff and and make money and you got to make money to get stuff and you get sort of in

1:14:03 It wouldn't do a damn thing. all I care about with stuff, Well, it's like 300 bucks, maybe. Yeah. Just talking shit. said it best he said they said uh you know what's what's success to you he goes not having to work Remember the shit that you guys were dealing with at Fox, where they're telling you to guy told me too i started arguing with him he kind of got my face and went just like you have your

1:16:29 Yeah, if you get fucking Max Kellerman, You're not a great producer. Not one. to work it's in your ear you're on the subway you get to know people too like if let's say you were Did you know Johnny Carson People know you Yeah it's different let me go man let me have this conversation yeah And he's like, no, just let me go, man. Let me talk to this guy, man.

1:18:49 But what's different with King of the Sting is when we do our read, and i when i said 75 a year you know i didn't pre-read i was 75 i kind of crack and then It might have been And I could not stop laughing and using the product. i bet but it's not it's got to make some sense has to connect with what you're gonna be a good and I grew up eating Burger King, man.

1:21:01 I think we did a Burger King raid. Fuck you In-N-Out What do you like? Or Five Guys Burgers. In-N-Out is so much better. The wines? Come on in. My diet's been awful. Uh oh Make poor decisions I did buy a fry You think And getting judged by Stay offline And when I'm done, as long as I know I did my best, I can just release it. more eyeballs you need a lot more people that love it then you a lot of you can get more hate

1:24:08 But then you're getting 100% your fans. trying to get better with something that's very difficult to do some say the most difficult and It was a great time. Three to four. Yes. There's no way you're not going to be. You're fucking flailing around. I think three years He was telling me Outstanding It's amazing. But his new one just dropped on Netflix like a few weeks ago.

1:26:33 his hour then he takes his hour on the road and does clubs for a year just clubs for one year two I get tired of new bits. him up dude you gotta come see him that guy's a monster. He burst out on Gershon the other night? Oh, he's super nice. We did two shows of the improv. And I tried to talk to him about it, too. owe it you owe it to come and do a fucking special, man. At least 30 minutes.

1:28:39 He gets panicky. Oh, yeah. That's where he started. I'm like, ain't going to do shit. I was like, Bobby, shut the fuck up. I'm not saying that, but- i was like get in the fucking car man come on so funny we gotta get out funny. We got to get out of here. That was my introduction to Bobby Lee. And I'm looking at this Mexican gangbanger who stood up with his hands out there like this

1:30:48 We ran out of there man No one was following me And I was telling him, I go, oh, it was great because they've redone it. a long time went oh i don't know if that's true jesus christ bobby i don't know if that's true Do you know who the Hodge twins are? like that women aren't the only ones who can get pregnant. And they get seriously amped up. we're in the upside down we're in the the, the world is upside down right now.

1:33:16 Yeah. You're going to make the best mom, dad, whatever the fuck you are. Dad, mom. man well then you're a man and you're pregnant amazing man bro congratulations you're gonna make His surgery and shit. if I fuck him, Look, a lot of people And there's nothing there. I don't care. No When you were in battle miniskirt on. It's nonsense. Did Eddie Izzard say what

1:35:35 Yeah Can we hear the volume Really? Haters. And they want all the ad revenue for the entire show Oh you should see his dick popped out It's on there for half a second. Facebook owns Instagram. and i i can with a three-year-old son it's scary worlds with social media i'm sure with your it happen man it's not pretty but also like when you and i were bullied especially you back in the

1:38:30 They see a button. Boyfriends that do that. kevin durant who's possibly the best basketball player on planet earth and he just got in a I'm like, God, what the fuck is he doing? Or boy. recent yeah because you have to be up to date to get this shit. No, he's brilliant. Okay. He's brilliant. Fucking loser It becomes real You fucking losers concentrate on your own life

1:41:30 emotionally engage with calluses well you just learn what that is i know what people are like or doing poorly or just not putting enough attention into something you're concentrating on. because I'm always tweaking it like that. they're wrong like if someone says something and they're wrong it's like i don't care like it just looking at it you get a better understanding of whether or not you should listen to this

1:43:42 Why do you think it's such? That's part of the reason why. It's all good things. people have had none some people have had none and they also have a phone and they have a twitter Because you're not happy with your life And nothing's gotten much better There's a lot of that Or there's 17 They used to be a loser at 17 Now they're 27 And nothing's gotten much better

1:44:51 To where you want to go Where we read off There's people that have formulated a comedy career from dunking on folks online. to professionals. He's a private investigator. Triple D. Listen to this. He got cancer. But when we were friends, when he was alive, I always said, why don't you do comedy? It was a game for him. Where a private investigator needed an assistant

1:47:32 This guy's awesome. Oh, man, he was a beautiful person. It's different He was always real somber in person in his own skin and there's comedians like that now even at this store oh yeah you meet him you're You're more likely to, It's frustrating. I fucking killed tonight. No, elevate him. get like that you know and i'm not saying theo's the same in any regards to what brody was suffering

1:50:32 Yeah, but a guy like you or me, we're very goal-oriented. that feeling man they don't they don't ever get those highs those highs just don't exist it's I'm like, oh, my God. It's amazing, those shows. And you're like, you don't have to be that way. Well, D'Leon and Callan, they avoid real conversations. but those guys are so that like that's that's who they are they're counting if it's a room of three or 30, he's going to entertain him.

1:52:58 Look at Bryant Count throwing punches like a guy who's never been punched. What is wrong That's with ballistics, with archery, you shoot high at high altitude. It's weird. So of course. He goes, yeah. Isn't it great, though? Gotta be super careful of those Was like That's a firecracker. I'm gonna go to Bangkok That said Bangkok ready You better take this guy down.

1:56:18 where'd she go i don't know almost positive she left she's you know i mean i don't know what they're doing over there Really if I was a young man They get there and they're A lot of pussy. there. focusing and you're The other thing if i was wanted to learn how to wrestle and i wanted to be like a better wrestler if i'm That's what I say. It's like Wilder.

1:58:48 To get to Wilder's level But let me tell you something In the world Sort of. He did? True, true. Francis Fahmy's a little older. That's what we're talking about. But it was a Muay Thai fight. He'd take him down and choke him out in three seconds. thing that's holding, results are spectacular. Derek Lewis ate some shots. But the problem with that fight is because they're such knockout artists, you're expecting such fireworks.

2:01:41 It was so disappointing. But it showed that, or the Derek Lewis fight, right? But yeah, definitely JDS. When he beat Kane, There's a little, like a car went almost up. Yeah. Easily. DC wants that fight again at light heavyweight. It's been driving him fucking crazy. DC's been way more active. and not fight tony in three weeks notice but three weeks after his last fight yeah but when donald

2:04:32 Name one guy. Like the most active. He's going to clear all of them and dip out and leave them like the fucking queen of the dragons. How about Randy Couture? The difference is with all those guys, it's all different eras, different divisions. Thiago Santos, I know we've got to hype it up. Hope his shoulder's okay. Vicious. No. Except DC. At heavyweight, yes.

2:07:03 Okay. Drink some beer. A real good nutritionist To 205 healthy The best he'd he should make 205 with no if he's going to connect, which he has That's my problem. Especially for DC, it's like DC. out and Chuck looked terrible He got it back in a big way. And for DC, it's like, even after the John loss, he went on to fucking heavyweight to You know what I was really impressed with?

2:10:00 You go out there like chuck he's a good person i try is if you if tito's or if uh rather john john's number one I mean, that dude went hard. He's like, yeah, I'd like to fight the Hulk. The guys like BJ Penn who keeps losing to find his legacy now. point if you're Dana let's say you'reana at what point do you tell these guys stop fighting And if I look at the BJ that I saw against Ryan Hall,

2:12:31 But he almost needs to fight a young guy coming up. obviously not. And now they might go on here in the UFC. That's how much I respect him. I mean, you saw that and compared to BJ when BJ beat Sean Shirk. But if he still wants to compete, who's to say he can't? He's getting beat, but he's not getting crushed. Well, he's a phenomenal grappler don't go to rush and get knocked out yeah i don't know story that's so old so it repeats itself over

2:15:12 They tell you no. With somebody He's not getting knocked out I'm not arguing Yeah, that's a good question. I don't know whose job it is, and I don't have the answer, and I wish I did. Yeah, I mean, he's a multiple time world And stop playing football. They'll bump into each other. It used to be three. If you lost, you were done. Even if you won by decision, they wouldn't say that. He'd go, we're giving them one more. And you knew that was your shot. If you lost, you were done.

2:17:57 But when you were fighting, if you lost, you'd have like six months. job in all sports and certainly in all of entertainment besides you know obviously I think Deontay Wilder. The thing about Wilder is he knows how to take it, too. And I answered. you know it might be the sexiest man alive he might be it's fucking he's jacked at like 245 it'd be so on

2:20:18 a fight forever it's a three man horse race you know what I'm saying he's a risk three get a fight. Yeah, he's always trying to get a fight. He's too old. It's like too much of a risk. What'd he say? No one wants to see you do this to Brazil. Because Brazil got starched. It's hard to sell these fights because no one cares unless it's the ones we want to see.

2:21:49 Luis Ortiz and Wilder. Luis Ortiz is a beast. I think they offered it to Ortiz, and he said no. Look, Luis Ortiz is legit, bro. killer the way deontay wilder is that's a totally different joshua and fury on a killer like water It's amazing, dude. But look at this fight, man. He's wild. The difference, I think, is with Wilder, you're dealing with a guy who is getting better with every fight

2:24:17 We have no idea. And then he dropped him I'm down to see this fight again Dude I fucking love that guy He's great. He brings his kid in the little baby. Blessings. Joshua seems like a champ of a person. Probably got one of them Where there was a car show with a new one? Yeah, Land Rover's coming out with a new Yeah. You're such a meathead. Yeah Like a real

2:26:47 I mean, it has crazy travel in those wheels. And you could accessory the fuck out of that bitch No Listen first of all I don't know I have an alligator skin I hate alligators And I knew there was a lady that was walking her dog by the lake. out this lake and i'd be like what the fuck is to stop an alligator from eating us nothing and i i You got an alligator fanny pack?

2:29:15 You have alligator luggage? Oh, like them. Dude, how about the one at Disney World? my youngest, we went fishing there. in those lakes. No swimming. No. Bro, don't do it. No swimming. There's no water sports in Florida. That's my rule No swimming in those lakes No swimming No anywhere They go on to go to the beach Fuck that noise They said that there's been a 90 plus percent decrease in the amount of rabbits, possums,

2:30:52 And they used him to locate And these evil Why would they kill it? And it was more than Holy fuck. Get the fuck out of my face. No yeah And I want to say thank you to you though brother