Joe Rogan Experience #1314 — Charlamagne tha God & Andrew Schulz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 videos boom and we're live uh ladies and gentlemen charlemagne the god my man andrew schultz yeah Yeah. He's the last one. Shots fired. but he's on the I don't give a shit he's a I've never heard of him. You're a gracious man. And bring you over to podcasts You guys He was number 20 on PodTrack You can't wait for people just to come to radio every day. I wish you could swear, though.

2:29 yeah would watch and listen i mean yeah right yeah that's what separates this radio this era That serious paywall Let's be realistic Yeah that's the difference Between like your kids being scraped Blockbuster stock meant something at some point supermarket. I was in Monkcks Corner, South Carolina. Okay. Why would you bring the Black Panther from the library

4:20 I don't fucking know don't bail him out even like George Bush because I still say I get it. That's the point. It's some weird, like, pig Latin type shit. Thick. Before we started the podcast, you was talking about all the hunting that you do. going to become a hunter. This makes sense. They don't live forever and become angels. You kill them. I was there.

7:07 They're big. The first time I saw a moose, it was like that scene in Jurassic Park where Jeff Goldblum You want to go hunting Or you could hunt rather Or something like that Don't do that Yeah rats in new york like nobody's ever done that i'm not lie. You'll probably get a lot of attention for that shit. Squab is like a bougie restaurant item, and it's actually young pigeons. Really? Yeah, that's what squab is like a like a bougie restaurant item and it's actually young pigeons

9:23 russell terriers they fuck rats up they're designed to fuck fix it. There's no way to fix it. But Jack Russell Terriers, they fuck rats up. They're designed to fuck rats up. Jersey got a lot of deer. You've seen bears on your property? What college was it? Yeah. Look at the video Yeah 100% believes in Bigfoot At some point in life, somebody was trying to explain that to somebody else.

11:09 They'll fuck you up too Where I went hunting for them point but i was like in this era with all the cameras and everything else somebody would have Right. And you believed I did And I was saying this for like a week straight and ran maybe levitated and I would walk doing bits right he really believes this shit i'm just telling you what happened in my life

14:08 Yeah, and all these people like lost their careers lost their lives turned out was all 100% made up They just get talked into believing that they actually did something. From a position of authority And get butt fucked Let that butt They're going to rape you, but not until you're 18. And in my mind, I remember hearing that farmer scream. Of when it was at night

16:15 Happen while people are sleeping had one of those dreams where it feels as if someone's holding you down to the bed that's And sprinkle salt at your door What is a hag? I think I've seen them before, but it really looks like just a shadowy figure. What do they say that is? signs yeah so it was this creature that looked like he was from the movie signs but it was purple and black and it was standing over

18:17 They're pretty, just what we've documented so far is pretty interesting. variations there's one where you get up right now that we don't believe you We think about it hole may be another universe with hundreds of billions of galaxies with hundreds of billions if you look at how diverse the earth is like there's different species of shit in the woods

20:50 Now we have 300 years to take the consciousness They would have to bend time. it's whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah. So if someone is flying around the earth in a plane versus us sitting on earth, they will age fractionally less, right? So if you just increase their speed and decrease ours, From CERN, from the Large Hadron Collider. your watch would have a different time than her watch

23:16 The ball at the end is actually going faster than your hand in the middle swinging around. and then come back, you would look at your brother who was your age and now he's 100 I don't know shit, is go faster than the speed of light Why don't we use light as wind and create a sail that harnesses light? Sunshine? That was the guy I was telling you. I wasn't going to bring it up.

25:05 and I don't want to do from Trump's this is the logo I missed that cartoon That's what I told you tonight. talking about it for decades. He got arrested for bringing people to a lookout peak doing all these maneuvers Where they don't talk about it? I don't know. NDAs mean shit anymore. Yeah, called Flagrant 2, right? You could break any fucking NDA, but for whatever reason, they get scared.

27:18 My favorite one is Bill O'Reilly. I need to see $32 million pussy. To even remotely hear about That can ruin your reputation DNA She's got his shit Under her pics She's got videos Something's going in Bill's ass Guaranteed DNA Standard about himself His information in his audience Well, he's not on go. In a big way Bestseller I think he just That's the thing right

29:24 The second you leave that network It's like when people leave espn and you never hear They can go other places I imagine something you heard Bill O'Reilly He fucked and him And when Fox lets you go space. He's wearing a nurse's outfit underneath that button down. Dude, what size is that button-up shirt? Bill O'Reilly.com. You are presumed innocent The Mueller report

31:46 He has The orange thing Yeah but he don't look Look at him there. That's why you had to pay Yo, maybe we trip's hilarious maybe people are watching because there's not just one screen anymore. I think you are both I think it's important. the illusion was and I found all these people that knew me like, yo, you gotta go on Joe Rogan, And I don't know.

34:14 like with the comics and podcasts, there's no competition. I saw you had Miss Pat on yesterday. And her story is insane. in the titty with two kids by the time got yeah that whole forgiveness thing we talk about that all the time i'm not, yeah, that whole forgiveness thing. We talk about that all the time. I'm not with that whole, like, I forgive you and it makes me feel better.

35:43 And I'm like, there's one dude in there that's like, And a weight comes off our shoulders. I'm going to let it go. Well it's hard to forgive Yeah You weren't 12 Fucking her You'll be like Is like misconstrued you know what you got it i'm attaching myself to jesus right because i can't carry this no more you're like, yo, all right, you got it. to somebody so bad but when you get the opportunity

38:23 did the anger that you had towards them And by the way, God bless you, Boogie D. and whatever he bought in didn't work, Back to St. Louis. Yes. Bro. Y'all don't have people that shitting on y'all and like, you know. out as a comic and it was rough in New York That's why you were a dick to me because I was all you had to be a dick to. Yes Plenty for everybody

40:46 But the people who told me things like, there was a guy named DJ Kaz in Charleston, the person that cut back in the day? you know, He holds some strong grudges. It's a power play. Here's your money. Oh he's had it forever Eddie writes his shit What? Hold on. no like like meat plates like roast beef and shit like that just something so i don't eat garbage

44:00 I thought maybe it was Roy Wood or something like that. You love it too Take that shit to Instagram Amazing. that was a strategic move how to just and then someone's got I think that was strategic, man. No. Jamie? He just made the L, a capital I. I'm glad, though. I'm like yo When he was doing rap music Didn't he have like A crown on or something There he is dressed up in like white face and all sorts of

47:03 that's a thing with some women, with really fucked up women. Do you think all the choking and spanking and like, you know how like some girls have like Isn't it protect them? Dude. It is, but I think the choking is you're doing it, a man is doing it to you. Well it's not just that But I mean She's naked. But I think it's really because they see men as pathetic now.

49:28 Some pussy though Visiting him Fame has always been So he was infamous amongst that group of people. But 500 in real life. Oh, my God. Yeah, what was that speech like? Kool-Aid took a bad rap He didn't even use Kool-Aid At resorts right now but like beaten half to that she survived but but her whole head was just a big swollen mass of blood and injuries.

51:49 Nine people have died at these resorts and nobody knows why. Oh, yeah. Nine? DR's awful. You really wanna do some It's people dying from drinking I just know nine people have died. You would think. Well that's when You ever do coke? Okay I was around so I motherfucking and everybody's high I just thought that's what you did after you fucking sniffed the line cause you watch white people movies It's not like they really fucking know it's a black dude say woo after doing coke too. I don't know I did

54:14 They chew on it cocaine with that weed by accident that was the best high i've ever had in my motherfucker really And it's just like you feel like you're actually on top of something. Yeah. Really? Nothing. So uh Dude You're all fucking right and then you have a new perspective because of it some people say that about like acid or right because what you know before i'm busy trying to fill the void right be, be it through laughs or through content, whatever we're doing.

57:18 100%? Yeah. Yeah, but they still have something to give they just don't realize it like you you might have ten dollars in your bank account but guess what it's a homeless person on the street that has you do shitty things you feel you have a bad self-image you live in your karma that's what people don't get it's not like my files in my mind like did i do something fucked up to this person did i do something to cause them to react this way no i didn't that's

1:00:00 that just i think that shit just explodes in them and causes them to go crazy if they don't Yeah, yeah, yeah. like this ruthlessness, Right? He's fucking brilliant. We were on this podcast last time we were talking about how Izzy was going to do it, man. And he was telling me how he likes to go to the islands. I him in bahamas and he likes to be in the moms and i was

1:02:07 and then they start to realize an hour what's the purpose who's Buddhist? And the way that he's found a way The truth to the matter is life is about treating people good, being a public servant, and dying. because you have to let go of ego, right? These things aren't any different in the grand scope of things, right? ct fletcher the power lifter yeah he had a heart transplant last year and uh he came on the podcast

1:04:58 ready to do it bam so now here here he is a year later but but that guy has this renewed lease on life, and he just Jealous for no reason. Things just are, et cetera, right? And there's a ripple effect with the ecosystem, right? Yeah, they eat whatever they can, So that in our culture would be a piece of shit. Right Right Need to stop killing these kids

1:06:54 Yo Charlotte And die You know what I mean? No. Wolves try to come after them, and then they just game on. And then you go shooting at the moose, and you're like, fuck, he shot me. You think? That's what people would like to think. Well, no, I read, I read, I read. She said it's not little. For you Shaq So it looks big With a Time Warner remote The flamethrower.

1:09:28 maybe the fucked up things that happen in the world because I was so drunk that the impact didn't kill me. much not to happen yeah if i'd have died yeah it's you gotta care you gotta care and you have Like, I remember my daughter had a track meet like two, three years ago. And I'm like, what the fuck did I just do? What did I say was horrible and she just burst out in the tears and I'm like

1:11:29 Hurts my heart Where she can do better in a past life like me knocking them down And I looked at those two bananas, and I know my daughter loves bananas. Hey, babe, you sure? It's pretty good banana? So, like, people say I would die for you I flew out here and lasagna and pizza because I needed to be there for that track day. Well, more than that, not making them weak.

1:14:26 What it's like to lose Yeah the difference What losing is But I mean like competitive things. If you have a race, right? disappointed in them will you show them that they let you down the only time i'm that way with my It's a learning experience. You know what I'm saying? We was on the island of, we was in Grenada. exactly that like what it's like to be poor.

1:16:55 My mom told me, we're here to make our children's lives better. Because I don't have no fucking skill set. generation so our kids are supposed to be way better than us yeah but don't you want to prepare them for that life like you look at any one of It's like maybe Because you're not preparing them Meaning like You know what I'm saying? Their own way

1:18:55 I think when you Is always like They're more and more vacant, more and more weird, more and more detached. and that's why they live in this fucking giant mansion A buddy of mine is Brian Callen. His dad was a banker, an international banker, air quotes. Weird shit. send you away you would really hate life yeah That's what I say about girls. Because they gotta earn pussy, right?

1:21:23 Like, she's not fat. Yes. You love Miss Pat. 100% she's past it like I think comics oh yeah, when you exist in that space, because you don't have to. Where you're going It had been his 100th birthday And she's like, I don't want to use that. I'm like, what's the picture of you next to the statue? And she's like, I don't want to use that. Yo, your daughter can't stunt, bro.

1:23:58 All those kids is rich. Hey like Oh like that lady did Cause they're not gonna enjoy it To get a bachelor You know what I'm saying That's how you change the world Like did fine at them It's becoming a hustle What, pussy? can't really do much with that job either besides teach it now either so that's why like to go back and they're like and if you wanna be a VJ

1:26:05 Middleman gone. Because I love doing commentary for the UFC. watch the nba finals and instead of listening to the guys you know marv albert or whoever do it The Tuesday Night Contender series Tangaree You should listen to SnoopCast. I think he just got tired Right. The people who are watching. It would be incredible. Yeah, he's great. Didn't he use to fight?

1:28:24 Yeah, he does commentary. Are real professionals You don't realize And then went Other than ears You don't want that cauliflower ear Viva la king. Ben saying it. Ladies love him. He's got Chernobyl in him and shit. The real fight is Deontay Wilder, Tyson Fury, too. The head movement, the foot movement, The guy that he was fighting, like that guy was...

1:31:12 Like that, game over. from that place of stillness. and sometimes you get I thought the ref Luis is old, too. To the point where he was KO'd, essentially. I was told he had a panic attack before the fight. The whole world is shaky to you. There's a Right I forget the guy's name No the night before five at a time Bobby was like About Buster Douglas?

1:34:08 Buster Douglas is like one of the most talented guys He was hooking off the jab on Tyson. He was a world beater in that fight. For sure. I didn't believe it. I'm like oh shit That shit When people lose And this is what happens, I think, when fighters get a little bit older, Ready? Who was his coach? I was like, with you, man, Roy still got a crazy Like, no.

1:37:10 He was like, on one of them old boxes right now. Yeah. Well, you were doing it since you were a kid, right? I just stopped. But this shit don't mean nothing. He was dodging them. What is this? What do you got here? Here it is. I'm trying to get some sweating And they in there yelling, Yeah. Where is mine? I'm a boxing fan He's being super nice to you

1:39:24 That's a very bold thing Yes A few times That's why I haven't sparred since Wow And I was about to die At the end of those three rounds Did he touch you at all? Bold thing Callan spars all the time That's not doing any cardio wins the title. God bless America. They're doing that now. We don't feel like we deserve it so we make you i'm gonna eat bread all day no but you should stare at me. I'm going to eat bread all day. No. But you should stare at me.

1:41:15 Okay. Like Khaled. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Says he lost 15 kilograms Congratulations to him Jesus Christ. Khaled used to do 12 midnight to 2 a.m. on weekends at WEDR in Miami, if I'm not mistaken. So yeah, in a way. Ryan Seacrest didn't start in radio He might have been Does it in the morning. We work for the same company. not okay what is, what is he?

1:44:29 He's too handsome. Osexual? He's O Can you imagine him By the way Like he has that kind of personality What'd you think about the finals of Game of Thrones american got talent all that kind of stuff when you gotta be like really excited about somebody Nobody cares In that It's true Right, when he had a stroke and he would still do it? Yeah And talking like

1:47:01 And then they had It's a fucking lot. I like Kathy same cloth. I don't know and Kathy. Look at that chemistry. It's rules about threatening heads of state. Ronald Reagan was famous as an actor, apparently. He was in big movies. That's how all of them are going to be. Not Trump. He worked. Trump was the first brand. She's still kicking. Here's Keanu Reeves.

1:50:11 i never get used to that no it's humbling though yeah and but that's why i always say i don't i i I mean, I kind of wanted the room to be like, well, no, you are talented. I'll just double down on you That's important for people listening at times I think I hear somebody And I'm not afraid to, I don't know shit. That's good. she didn't she didn't in any way profit off of that or have an advantage she got hired she got

1:52:48 that at some point in her life was it a horrible thing to do absolutely does it make it a terrible That's what we've been told our whole time. And it was real weird when I was in the minority meeting. The wild thing about that I wasn't supposed to ask We need to find out Like, oh my God, we're not Native Americans. They had to She actually got the DNA test

1:54:59 I just put my mind i had no clue about this ticket master thing i'm just starting to do some theaters and shit on the And my boy, who's like this genius fucking kid, OJ, Nigerian, all these Nigerians are geniuses. right now is all about data acquisition right any business and data is not how many followers we have on instagram because they could take your account away in a second how many subs that you get on

1:56:49 They're fucking over the fans on it. And Kevin Hart, that's how Kevin Hart came up. they are top to bottom yeah they own so they own live nation and live nation owns the venue so And the venue where we perform is not imperative that it's this specific one. Well, I do. Different, man. It's not a real conversation Like you're right there Why I should have a direct connect

1:59:37 All the data With ticket messengers Why not just give out- Yo, why don't you just use my data set, man? They get the email address because that's how people get their tickets. Yeah. Bro, they own us anyway. billions of dollars which is essentially what facebook is it's facebook but it's also shaping Boom. Right. You're going to fuck me in my ass Like think about it

2:02:42 You were signing up for that I was talking about cool that's why I said they own us you know what else is I'm going every morning. I just clicked it. One YouTube video and then a completely different platform? Did you see what they did to him? It talked about me sponsoring a hockey team made entirely of chimpanzees Jay Pharoah is out of a job. of the Mona Lisa talking.

2:05:10 It's going to be in a few years you're not going to be able to. Well, you're already getting porn with actresses. Maybe now we can say fucked up shit And be like bro deep fake What are you talking about Definitely deep fake Well it's Oh you can fuck everyone Yeah nah you like your palm of the book I'm like you know what pussy so you can sit front row

2:06:57 And then it's just like it settles everything for you and then you can just enjoy the actual experience. No. things that aren't really there. I'm glad you talk about anxiety. Like, you know, and I used to smoke weed. So it was shaking my legs. The weed probably accentuated it though, no? You got an athlete's heart. Pressure. It's pressure with people's eyes on you

2:10:17 it's always on. At first, Until you realize like, all right, now they really starting to say some wild shit. So it's not like they bought up anything that I hadn't spoken about numerous times before i've written about in my books they just decided just because you took it all in like your diet like your diet if you take in junk food all the time but eat a bunch of shitty things

2:12:15 And just yelling and insulting each other and trying to find ways in this person's being shitty or wrong or negative. especially good podcasts where people have real conversations, Yes. Conversations where people are actually being nice to each other In person Just one-on-one like this beings are not wired to be that wired no everybody should not have that kind of access to you.

2:13:34 And then you could be like, why? if you like somebody, right, you see them, you're going And I'm like, oh, shit, that's Steve. right right that was Steve Seattle She's bisexual She is black Yeah What? In Lafayette Bakery It's amazing nothing legally. For the money that they spent. You know what I'm saying? What is AIDS? And it looks great And I was shit in my pants

2:16:18 And all his fame I'm like, holy shit. Oh, I said it. He does look incredible. If you give him a test for HIV, he comes up negative. by the way this is not a charlemagne all right i'm telling you what somebody told me And so they said, this is what you're going to do so we don't ruin you. what the fuck? Yeah. You've got to put a comma on this shit, man.

2:19:07 I thought Andrew Look at him yo Why does he have I forgot he has it. with HIV and fucking won. You know what I'm saying? Forever? If you have just the herpes on your dick forever, meaning those blisters don't go away, you I'm saying this specific type of real hardcore herpes, when Magic came back to the NBA? He's one of the greatest of all time. you have stuff that plays

2:21:37 Damon Wayans They're all unrapable. But we do. I'll spit in your mouth Would get so much flack for this What'd he say? be mad at him for not knowing for being ignorant about mosquitoes remember that yes i do what about What? If you got HIV AIDS, like, look, you can't get it. Oh, my God. I've never heard it described like that. Bro. Yeah, but not for fucking.

2:24:12 Tiger blood HIV killed his moment You're not winning anymore, bro. Yeah, he was just a wild dude. Everybody wanted to be Magic Johnson. Well, you know what fixed that, though? i have your money and he's like a bunch of dumb shit because he tried to do this live tour but So then a bunch of people would go see him live. what's worse well you remember when he was on television he was talking about just smoking rocks

2:26:32 Now, for sure. Holy shit. You're not supposed to say shit. Oh, Derek Jeter. Think about how many guys have gotten a signed baseball from their girlfriend as a gift. No, other girls might have, when I see dudes still treating women like shit in 2019, She's your friend. I say this all the time like check this bad bitch out in a derogatory way in a derogatory way.

2:28:38 Nah, I've never used cunt. He's fucking arrogant at you? You're the first comic Let me do this. tickets from the funny bones website they know what you do they're there for it they're there to watch you talk about eating ass dude eat an ass we were But bro, I'm telling you, they're not. On my YouTube channel We'll see what happens now My channel exists

2:30:46 To a scientist You know what I'm saying And the limitations You know what I'm saying? This is interesting. Now the rest of the world is outraged. we turned it around one from yesterday I think somebody hacked her yeah she was like it's just common I think that's going to be a thing that we're going to have to overcome. That's right. So he was paraplegic.

2:33:57 But the people didn't know because there wasn't this access. bullshit in each other everybody should just get back the bullshit in each other. Everybody should just get back the bullshit in each other. Because if they told us that UFOs exist, motherfuckers would probably go crazy. Ronald Reagan told Mikhail Gorbachev, why the fuck are we beefing? We're going to find out tonight.

2:35:30 If you were still racist Men can't get pregnant That's what's up. In the front row Like oh fuck He was also a special kid You know who has it Ari Ari Ari Shafir he has this fucking i don't know Like, quick, quick. There's never people that have it. things than a joke. It's like they, all right, for for the first time I'm in it I don't I don't I don't

2:38:26 Hold on. They would put out ads like Craigslist looking for HIV positive guys to give me the bug. This is why cults happen because people need to be part of something. of people that are doing that. I don't even necessarily When a guy comes in but he's got something okay explain babies who get shot That's the thing that people hate to hear. the law of attraction your thoughts become things i think the thing that we forget about that is not

2:40:50 What did you do? You did this You know what I'm saying? Exactly. You know what I'm saying? So it can start with a thought, and I'm going to meet the right man. My father's in jail. So you have to be very, very responsible. I'm like yo I want to I don't like that. But he didn't It was a placeholder Oh they need to stop and you love him every single one of us

2:44:00 I'm not calling for What they really think But there's also attention Are still viable The show ends But you know what I respect Really pay attention This is Lakers Because of the Kardashians Plastic surgery. women though because people forget but but that's a bio the when when the you would look at someone she was ever on anything I got an old picture

2:46:42 she used to always say Secret is black dick. Well, was it her or Jenna Jameson? Yeah. How the fuck did you not know that camera was down near your pussy? showing their pussy. hopping out of cars Yes. gives a shit? She's choosing to spend her time to get these people that are unjustly accused and convicted You've got to send another celebrity to get in his ear

2:49:06 you're seeing that so much. and David Gross was there talking about opportunities on legislation. needing to be compensated. I would have never even That's not going And again Yeah Walking in my purpose we're complaining about never dealt with their pain because it's for the thrill of it? Your family And then some people go Yes even when you're talking about something like opportunities on legislation I feel like that

2:51:51 that people actually need, and, you know, anxiety amongst cool successful people it just wasn't happening everybody was Because I talk about it so much. Just because I wanted people to know about what these things are. okay, You got a lot of confidence in your cock, I wasn't swinging that day. hour went right and i've never experienced a level of stillness

2:54:26 That was me switching the cameras. Or you. right i'm just out here doing my thing just doing it but then when you real when you realize you That right there Kind of path It also inspires You're going live on the air. And, you know, you start reading things about yourself in the media. That's what I'm fucking with. good it took over his whole act yeah I went toe-to-toe with Dice one time

2:57:35 edited it to make it look like he like Lost it It's on I would have been able I was on his ass Because I never want to become and be out here pretending to be real you're either real or you're not yeah and what's real Boom. queef She makes a cannon sound. She would queef on him. Shaw has kind of an elitist approach to comedy There has to be something to it.

3:00:18 I like Chappelle. Like I want I would never I think we do it for fun Well, maybe don't try it, okay? Maybe I don't have an eye for talent. Thank you for setting this up I really do appreciate Donna O'Reilly Peace.