Joe Rogan Experience #1329 — Brian Moses Transcript

Transcript

0:00 boom brian moses you are one of the saviors of comedy i want you to know this honestly truly When I first came back to the comedy store, there's people that don't have Why? And Jimmy said something snide to her, and her response was, Yeah, I would have to be like this about that. No, no, it's not consensual. Right. You're not giving it back. It doesn't make sense.'t know. I mean, you're not fucking someone if they rape you. No, no.

2:33 I get what she's saying. it like she taps out like all right i'm giving it to you there was something along those lines we know who's making the lifestyle choices oh message boom and she's trans right which is like dave chapelle used to do it all the time. You could probably go Asian to white. interesting that there's a guy like him out there yeah big old giant dude six foot ten albino

5:58 And Dean is like, I guess Dean's like 5'9", 5'10". I mean, he's fucking huge. culture and the, you know, you can't say what you can't say. Yeah. He's like, well, I don't think kids should be trans. Remember when, well, another black i told my emmett till but remember when emmett till gets killed right it's deeply concerned about is authoritarian reinforcement of their own particular way

9:06 reinforcing us they're helping us because people come to us for relief yeah thank you yeah thank At the end of every show, O.J. Simpson would be like Andy Rooney, and he would break down the problems in America. I'm just saying. That's my favorite part. Because he wants to know where everything's going. killed him he killed two people i just think it's wrong what happened to ron goldman nobody even

12:12 day really yeah yeah she used to come around the the set of news radio i knew her from back then But the difference is it's ultra, ultra public. i remember being like i was like it so he was swinging for the fences and so they had to beat him down, apparently, according to the cops. Until he woke up? No. So it can bend again Yeah Legit madman For sure

15:04 Because they would have no fear. There's a lot of people that believe in themselves and they get flatlined. Yeah. Was that pre-tasers? They put a ban on chokeholds. and they were One guy killed He killed him? this guy's wife. Oh, he really went for him. Yeah, it was crazy. He was banging the guy's wife and he invited the guy with a choke in the ring no killed him in a in a gym he was banging this guy's wife oh he really went for him yeah it was crazy he was banging the guy's wife he invited the guy

16:48 Okay. You can get killed doing shit like that. Are you a fucking black belt? Yeah. to that guy yeah it was weird because i got uh i got semi involved in it in that the guy who wound up ratting him out to the cops was one of Eddie's students. I'm in my my trailer jesus yeah dropped him off in the woods with a duffel bag yeah he gave him a duffel bag like he had a duffel bag with him rather and it's like a

20:06 old i don't know any better i was dumb and i was like i assumed 30 30 yeah aren't you fully cooked But in many ways, they're interchangeable. It's like calling somebody a racist or calling someone a Nazi. Switch that. A psychopath genetically predisposed. Yeah. Anti-social personality disorders, conformed social relationships, and treatable. didn't feel empathy. See?

22:27 So how is that It's close it becomes all about them right like it becomes such an obsession and the the narcissism is so It's kind of sociopathic. Yeah. Those experiences You get a development deal And that's the narcissism That's that yeah that extreme egomania right extreme extreme narcissism It was just, it was just your peers. Really? Like, I'll keep an eye on him.

25:29 that's just what open mic is you're gonna see a bunch of copycats until they figure it out Yeah. How old were you? Yeah. They just had to make sure that they didn't serve you alcohol. Yeah. got Mel Brooks' one of his last films, The Men in Tights. Yeah. Really? Kinison had a bit our dance and people were so you know people were so mad well nobody i know yeah but i was just you

29:02 they want people to not get AIDS or people just get a sometimes I'm not going outside naked anymore, Joe. there's got to be something wrong Mike Tyson Mike Tyson yeah I think he had some issues yeah he's Every day? It's going to knock me out that's where the oh shit that wasn't yeah whoever knows Mike what was he on golden box. Look at that box back there. It's amazing. Who made that?

30:53 Oh, we haven't. Oh, my God. thing yeah this is okay this is like like black kids would be like the death by cop thing yes And all of a sudden now AIDS is like, you get AIDS, it's like you've, that's a hit track. It looks great. Some people do. Full-blown? Well, now they can get it to the point where you're HIV. But if you People living with AIDS Full-blown AIDS.

33:45 People living with AIDS go through periods Yeah full blown Right. at least in some cases, like Magic Johnson's apparently, he shows up HIV negative. they figure they cured you. Polio. I thought I just read something about that. how a guy was paralyzed and he's got regaining use of his legs because of stem cells really This is it. Scary fucking shit, man.

36:50 Right. Yes. Damon Wayne's bit about him. Damon, Not Keenan. I'm sorry. Damon. Damon Wayne's bit about him. I'll spit in your mouth and accelerate your symptoms. Yeah. Y'all must have forgot. People associated him with that television show, which was very family friendly. I love that guy. I mean, they have comedy bones But the whole family Jordan, Tony

38:44 God damn he's funny. Right, right, right. He's just, and he's, it's like sharp, good writing, you know, good solid punchlines. I walked into the back you could hear it in the hallway, about Tony Rock you know what i mean it's like the gift and the curse though yeah but i'm tony rock and i kill too You know? Imagine how Ray J feels. standard but i don't think that's the case with the waynes brothers the waynes brothers is like Like eh But you're not like Mike bro Yeah You're just judged At a totally different standard

41:31 You know All of them It's in their DNA Like, when you see like these little small family businesses, small family restaurants, That was always a thing, right? little places i mean they have nice stores like if you're in like gucci shit and stuff like that It's just families. for black people i mean i don't really know the ins and outs of it people keep saying like we need

43:49 It's like you'd really be investing in your investments. That seems good on paper. on some of these Because exactly, being in the child's life. businesses well that's where reparations would have to come from in my mind yeah yeah general then like how many generations okay so you're saying that families who are known plantation It's not that long ago.

46:27 it ends and then these people live in these cities and they're discriminated against and You become, it's just another form of slavery. Like, what? short there's not like like like baltimore and places like that like detroit south side chicago Getting guns Like you have money for guns If you see that around you They're going to try to shoot at you.

48:58 That's what it is. It's a war. And that's another thing classism does. There's a lot of kids that grow up in bad situations. I think getting those kids involved in things that they can get good at, that show that they have value, and that with hard work comes rewards. You have to sort of figure out how to improve the way people look at life, because you're not punishing them no you're just incentivizing no i'm not saying like we shouldn't

51:54 Okay. That is so threatening. You have to let them know that you're withdrawing your kids from the school says i think right but how many truancies becomes this fucking empire of authoritarian regime. I think your idea, what my point was, I think that your idea is better in uh in college for like taking you know incentives it's like because it's because

55:06 What are you talking about? Hey, click on that link. But it's also like what, All California schools I think So how come the players Just like a piece of that it's going to be the athlete's going to work for free the fucking show should be free it should be They're investing in their community, player. There's stuff going on at Ohio State with the Epstein shit.

57:08 a lot of money Yeah. Like, in a sense, right? Get in my tribe. That's how he felt. I think it's like, you know that screen that was just all fucked up? Right. So if someone is molested as a young child, apparently there's a high likelihood that they're going to do a higher likelihood rather that they can. There was something where he was talking about how he had all the surgery so he didn't have to look like his father.

59:58 Yeah. That's ridiculous. That is Also, okay, I definitely... You can get away with anything there. So you go to the doctor. Yeah. I lived in Gainesville. Sort of-ish? They thought of them as endangered. While I was there To stop feeding them marshmallows And they got used to eating marshmallows. It's swallowing that collar. like they're snatching people up yeah they become rats yeah like rats in new york they're everywhere

1:04:09 God. Good for them. They say the ones that are really big, when they get to be that 15-foot length, because That means, you're chilling, out of Florida. Let's go half a ton. and the gator wants it and starts chasing him on land and these guys like get the fuck out of the way you know oh He pulls it in. They move quick. That does not look like... Alligators are better.

1:06:57 took control and was getting the food now will a crocodile eat an alligator that's a good question They live in the Amazon. best. Delicious. We went crazy. And there's a delivery driver behind him. He's like a bodybuilder. Because my brother was in the military, and he kept calling the guy sir. terrified my my sister was shook she had to come home from work because it's like, you know, the baby's in the back, and

1:09:24 He was getting his head bounced off the curb. I don't know that one. That's that's why guns are creepy. It's not creepy because a guy like you has a gun you're a great guy well Moses has a gun this was the one Really? Yeah. while the guy was flattened out, with his hands up I'm playing God right now from the ap sheriff won't arrest parking lot shooter.

1:11:53 That's not a red flag? You know what I'm saying? Oh, he killed that guy. shoot someone who's on their knees, could you imagine how scary are you of your kids to go to school now scary right scared when you You can't control young dudes. do to put fear in people you get people to when you have a lot more to lose when you have a family This is like a commonly thought of.

1:15:20 they have nothing to lose right you want a guy who loves his wife. He's got something to lose. And loves his kids. too they would they would they would work against abortion because they would want more people to guys made her have and this child who's you know this lo child that she had that you guys made her have, and this child who's this loveless child now,

1:17:03 You're not putting money in this family's's pocket all these things you're saying are true i mean it's not like an evil organization that's created by satan it's not it's not it's women that that's a narrative that you know that's how they that's how they really believe and people Right. Look, it's weird. She had a miscarriage. You know, she's like, it traumatized her.

1:20:27 of your body Yeah. Boom. It's fucking wild. didn't even do anything we just had sex like we normally have sex yeah you had sex and now there's it'll fuck you up for a man yeah i mean i would you look i do not like if there was an away it's like to be pregnant really yeah you want to feel that that like that rip that pain or just You're never going to feel the way she feels. when you see a woman, you try to understand like, what is, what's the world through her eyes? Right.

1:23:32 That's a huge part. You described it that way. Jesus. Yeah. You're just like, yeah, that's. yeah, my fucking ex-wife, she wants more money, I've got to go to court. Would you rather get raped or murdered? Oh, shit. no but no all right but for me as a man as a human, I would rather be raped than murdered. Don't rape me or I'll murder you. Yeah They're like me?

1:26:30 you can't murder people with OJ's face Like if you made Yeah come on it's the twitterverse by the way because you keep saying it no no no it's oj's world it's Twitterverse. Good. Yeah who had that knife That's all he does yeah there's a there's a hint there's a hitch you know you get it you see it in fighters or um He's in his 70s, slight struggle 100%. But CTE makes you murder people,

1:29:22 that he has CTE. Yeah, but he and haywire yeah they get a little haywire chris benoit yeah That was terrible. That kind of shit is so terrifying. How many fights have you been in? been hit hard before but i'd never been hit where my legs stopped working they just stopped they was counting he got to eight or something like that i got up to my feet they dusted my gloves

1:32:21 your brain yeah to prove to like have on the undeniable There's, like, these little dark spots and holes. Yeah, we had talked about this before. when the guy's poking at the brain that that thin later yeah and that stuff gets ripped. It gets tears free, and you're fucking... I mean, it's your... What, because guys are just bigger and faster and stronger?

1:35:04 if that wasn't 12 Survives Wilder chasing him down. For sure, yeah. I mean, come on. three to five rounds. I didn't know it was possible. What year was this? It was for the featherweight title, I believe, or the WEC title. I think that was how they got around something that they were trying to do. But what's really impressive What's that? That wasn't early?

1:38:20 That's when they started going to five rounds I wonder if that was from the beginning. Yeah. Well, in Japan, they had a different way of looking at these contests. If no one got knocked out, it was a draw. Yeah. real MMA training. They made fights with Bob Sapp, who was like 370 pounds, against a guy who was 200 pounds. They'd make Vanderlei Silva fight someone who was just deathly scared of him, that was

1:41:01 I only watched them here. In between, like, while the action's happening, they're sitting there quiet and polite. It's not bad be it's not bad I wonder that seems like it sucks if somebody passed guard, everybody would cheer. And like it's just a different, completely different kind of reaction from the audience. and having a good time. Look out for the right arm.

1:42:28 Oh, shit. It's still crazy. Yeah. Texas always has wild-ass UFCs. it's big yeah you've never been to chicago okay oh whenever yeah we're in chicago yeah i go to fucking dangerous and mops are falling and you're like oh we got you know everything's in order But a mayor, like that Pete Buttigieg guy. You don't have to fix it. Yeah, but I mean, like, mean like well how do you feel like i'm saying it's an infrastructure problem

1:45:22 money they've definitely done that they've definitely done that. They've definitely done that Yeah. Jewish people like to like to can't you was founded on you got to fix the i think it's just unpopular like no like here's what everybody wants you don't want to fix that. No, I get that. I think it's just unpopular. Yay! Those spots have to be addressed.

1:48:28 And, you know, you go to these places. have that then the only thing you got is target or walgreens like he's got a deal i mean i'm saying You can't sell them as Home Depot. Home Depot's going to or something like that we made these ourselves i don't give a fuck those shovels would be like five dollars less and that's I mean, you think about how much money you have to spend on the criminal justice system, health care system from assaults and all sorts

1:50:32 You got any other awesome ideas? it keeps coming up yeah it's like it comes up then it goes away and it's like hey you know we I've had him on my podcast. So he went into coffee and he goes, I'm here. She heard that there was something racist going on. I'm not a big coffee guy. I have some. I just made a French press of it, so I couldn't tell. Yeah, but like a small effect for like 500 milligrams.

1:53:39 There's like a gene that actually, let's go back to HIV. Okay, here's what it is. hiv the thing was that he had a very specific gene. They brought him back to service because after he'd killed Hitler, he's an older man. I mean, damn, I didn't know. I don't want to say too much. i was like an actual like footage of footage yeah actual footage apparently somebody had taken

1:56:33 100% tweaking. weird is it to see that guy go full screen so he jerks off with his gun look at he masturbates in He's got something he's touching his dick with Do you have a cane? I'm just asking. There it is. It could be a cane. Oh, fuck China. Jeff Epstein. social status like did you hear trump bought those mansion dish so okay yeah some shit yeah

1:59:10 Apparently he's known The house 14-year-olds in every room. on that look at that place so that's you get it they're fighting over who's got the biggest dick Well, it's sort of like those houses in Malibu. There's some houses in Malibu where you look at there's one crazy mansion overlooking the sea and then another one next to it. You fly over it now, it's like just so many houses.

2:01:27 you're King Cock. To make you work harder. I'm saying, You skirt around them. Look, it doesn't make sense that there are sloths. Yeah they fucking hate it It's not a field mouse and an owl Sloths move so slow that mold grows on them. That's gross. Like, look at that. It's almost like camouflage. And just eats sloths. I mean, well, yeah. All power. Are these like baby sloths

2:04:17 Can't really defend itself How crazy is how it can Crush the armadillo's body How crazy is that How crazy is how An arm So mushy We have no armor. So they're either, is that a carving? I get it, bro. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Is that a deer? Is they grab goats That looks more real Oh okay I was going to say Well, that's what cats do. B, B, billion. I mean, look at that.

2:07:21 just talking about i said billions bird birds killed. Oh, the numbers. Okay, okay. Cats kill from 1.4 billion to as many as 3.7 billion birds. him that was like uh the black panther I'm like, what a creepy little thing I'm with. Yeah. Right. This is 2013. this marmot and ate its liver and this is here in the states mongolia it was in mongolia i thought

2:10:47 Yeah, you can like eat humans. There's a vice piece on Liberia. Or a Tribe to tribe Remember that? break or a psychotic breaker i'm not a doctor something went wrong something went wrong yeah Well, how do you know? What's that? Like, if they cook it up nice, you know what I mean? kill him and eat him damn that's his death wish yeah and i think it was in germany of course they

2:13:58 It was this guy's idea. eat me okay and the guy kills him and eats him like what is that what is that it's not a regular That's gnarly Okay Whoa. Armin met him off the train. Now, do it. How do you say his name? Muse cut his throat. surprising the coy cannibal And then he became a serial killer. This is the first one. Look at that image. We're eating my dick.

2:18:43 I mean, that's really, yeah. You can do that now. And that's what I'm saying. After you ate his dick. watched the video oh yeah i bet they did of course they did of course they did you imagine being a but it was a bunch of different kinds of dicks. Keep going there Keep going Ridiculous And it's not legal to kill yourself. It's illegal. Suicide's illegal.

2:21:22 Humanity doesn't allow that, right? Mostly. Yeah, we eat a lot of trash. along these lines it was like some outrageous thing it's like gupta sanjay or the uh no i don't what gives you mad cow disease oh really yeah yeah you can yeah you can get sick yeah well he might not have had the prions of someone who has a disease okay but if that person Fuck.

2:24:33 Because I think it's more than 1,000 degrees and they can still survive. increasing number of them they're spreading across the country But That's what I'm saying See, this is what I'm talking about. Cruxfeld-Yuckup disease. Butup-Kruxfeld? You got it the first way. Kruxfeld-Yuckup. CJD. Okay. Kruxfeld-Yuckup disease. Those poor cannibals. Oh, here you go.

2:26:46 In one Papua New Guinea tribe Against Kuru to stay alive i mean like you need warm clothes right in a cold environment you need warm clothes, right, in a cold environment. You have to have it. You know? Obviously, right? Yeah, I'll look at the same news feed. Come on. I like, I mean, yeah, we can't get rid of it. Yeah, so I think if you don't have a phone.

2:29:02 Yeah, they saw it in person. so that was different. with horrific memories? apocalypse now yeah i mean it was still wild it still gave you this feeling of war but there was they were scared the germans taking over the world they saved the world from the nazis Whatever the number is. history and pictures laughing Isn't that what a cabaret is about, kind of?

2:32:53 Liza Minnelli. Well, you've obviously never seen The Man Who Killed Hitler and then Bigfoot. We haven't had... But that one was clear cut. Yeah. How drugs like Pervitin and cocaine fueled the Nazis' rise and fall. hydrochloride. Some Nazi company. Yeah. with violent spastic constipation, he's taking like super pills or whatever he was taking liquid cocaine and meth and oxycodone

2:36:11 We want to back out of this. Here it says, Jamie's trying to show us this. He won't let it go. And Hitler comes over all methed up Have you hung around squeakers? Yes Okay Hey old school A courage pill Sounds like it would be Bull jizz Am I right It's an organic molecule, not an amino acid, named for the Latin taurus, which means ox or bull, but taurine is in bull semen.

2:37:52 It is 700% more potent. And that giant bull dick is pummeling the back of his throat and fills it up. If you think about it, if it's coming out of your nose, which it does do, right? No. That's a good question. It was a whole, yeah, the whole society was that. National Socialism, I guess. mass murder he's got the points record too man how do you when you're a person like that you

2:40:15 Look at Mao. It says 78, but yeah, I don't know. Wait, wait. And the other one said 70? During his time Tyson has Mao on his arm Philosophy from Mao It's pretty good I don't think you can buy it today It's literally It's just like talking about the sale. memoir so he's selling to the people that they can overcome the economic situation that germany's in

2:42:32 But if you buy it today, you don't think you get on the list? Are we doing Jeff Foxworthy? Oh, The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross? There was a bunch of people that were telling you to read some book by this couple, and they were channeling an angel. And it was all about how to live. were channeling an angel and that's nonsense right about that how about how about i have to think

2:44:52 Is it, let's Google That it was written as they were channeling. It's on Johnny Carson, too, also before that. I mean, because you think, if the nazis do win that does become like the coffee So I'm correct. Or maybe you're crazy. We assume that if someone tells a crazy story like that, they're 100% crazy. I think you can be a woman and do that, right?

2:47:36 Mm-hmm. What's it going to do to me? Thank you. I just drink it all the time, and I feel like I'd be rude if i don't offer you some thank you you're the man Championships were five. japanese ones the japanese ones were fucking crazy they did so many nutty things yeah What is going on with that? She's a monster. That's Gabby Okay You're bigger than your trainer

2:50:11 Japan loves that is she in UFC? Yeah. Good for her What up Gab Back in the day have even happened if it wasn't for the crazy japanese shows what's in the water over there Japanese game show Mm-hmm. bazooka at your wall above your head Right? Jesus. Okay. Where girls would put their bum Right on TV Can't hate it Yeah. Wow. He's in his cubicle It's like an 18-hour day,

2:55:30 oh he keeps saying number one yeah yeah i'm sorry to uh hurt anybody that didn't know that but china They have the largest economy because they have more people. There's stuff from earlier this year saying China and India are gaining on the U.S. as the world's top economy. Last year doing the roast battle over there. Not just better drugs wouldn't you want to keep a guy, you know,

2:57:51 Right. So they get things handled quicker. And they believe in it more it's almost like i'm keep people from medical care. But then again, it's like people are so resistant to socialism. That's true. talking about nothing the whole time you know we just want to talk to you. They want to talk right in your face. They're super pumped up, like Hitler.

3:00:21 Like, oh my God. with my grandson. yeah meth fueled because if you stop and think about history there's obviously been some horrific Opium's been around forever. Really? They would fucking go on crusades and start smashing heads. that's what they're thinking about. and you drink with Odin. And then you take that arrow in the neck. Pretty fucking good, man.

3:03:07 I mean it's dark Message And there's a maintain body temperature they need a lot of mass and so like polar bears are the biggest of the three easy i would imagine he's in the 320 340 range yeah and he's like a bodybuilder too so This guy's, what, 6'7"? He doesn't give a fuck. He's a legit savage. He's trying to grab him. But he doesn't know what he's doing.

3:05:47 See? So Connor knows that this big motherfucker can't keep this up. First of all, he's not used to sparring. See, all this is tension for him. And then Connor's like, oh, okay. to kick but connor just gonna keep punching him in the stomach but eventually he just gets really Bro, he's gangster. He's a monster. So, yeah, he's not doing any mma training well that's i mean he could but he wasn't there i mean he just

3:07:49 No. Well, he's the world's strongest man. He's crazy strong By the way Magnus Yeah. You'd see blood splurging Strongest man competitors These fucking gigantic humans. They do smelling salts before they lift. too relaxed. One, two, three. Bro, look at the bar bend. We get it. Maybe that's the move. Everybody's like, shut him up. Have you ever smelled it?

3:10:37 And it pops your brain like right away. No one's smelling salts physical He would be the first guy to be cocaine yeah that kennis and shit you're talking about smelling salt well who's like it'd be like I mean, that was part of his whole thing Just like those kids in the day, It's just ammonia. What? anywhere how about that regularly scheduled show at 11pm.