Joe Rogan Experience #1331 — Alonzo Bodden Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Hello Alonzo. What is up Joe? Good to see you my brother. Man it is so good to be back. It's my first time seeing the new joint. It's absolutely amazing. Yeah I thought you'd been here at the new spot. No like I said you were building this when I did the last one and this this is when you said you could do everything here it's like, this is the bunker. I don't live that far from here.

0:36 Bring water purifiers. whenever someone brings up climate change it's like a bill that you didn't pay like ah I don't give a shit. Black don't crack. A wave of malady. Right. Right, they use carbon dioxide, right. That it makes it harder for them to grow. It's from science.gu.se. Yes. Oh, for sure. Spectrometer. And the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's advanced very

5:43 fall into the ocean right you always You always hear that, the Texas. So much of the Earth's weather is controlled by the polarized caps, the magnetic poles, the rainfall, glaciers, and it's all interconnected. Listen, we got two expert scientists here. When is a good time to buy real estate in Miami? What happened to those money laundering guys who cleaned up all of that money, built all that real estate?

7:57 guys and shit fucking special ops guys to watch their their money they really have to my old uh condo i rented out right You're selling weed. It's weed tourism. They still got hookers and windows, though. Yeah. No, it's – dorks go over there and blow their brains out. It's weird. Find out what kind of medication You're not supposed to Then Just, you know, this is how much you get and see how you react.

10:48 And then they got to cut you off. The same dorks. No, no thanks, man. When did you retire? So when you talk about it, it's fascinating to me. No. It's like the knees. yeah that's one of the things you inherited from us bad knees it's like in the family like thank Basketball. CrossFit? It does a lot of amazing stuff. and and i haven't researched this at all i mean you know i've

15:26 You know, she's in pretty, you know, pretty bad pain. And the doctor's like, you got to get a And then now she could walk, and it's not bothering her. Yeah, I did it here. Yeah, I did it here. They don't have the same regulations that they do in America. uh injected it with exosomes which is like the most advanced form of stem so they so there was the they used to think is stem cells, they felt like when you put stem cells into

18:02 I'm like, what's the purpose of having money if I'm not fucking shooting myself up with all these juicy stem cells? Okay, so it's not that. You know what I mean? Well, this Amazon special might push you to the top. And I appreciate that, right? it happens in careers so uh well they're doing a lot of specials now they got gaffigan is doing They have a lot of good series that they're promoting that people are really getting into.

19:49 You know, Amazon is legit, good streaming. Comedy Central's great. Yeah, as far as a TV one hour like HBO is great. And it's funny how that happens because you really can't say why certain ones do. Gallagher. Who else But yeah you're right Yeah He tried to break some new comics on that. Oh, like a Rodney Dangerfield type deal? Mm-hmm. We spent $8 million producing this series and that squirrel got more views. We spent $8 million producing this series, and that squirrel got more views than we.

22:40 and and you know people and it's funny because people here, they don't realize how famous Russell is. He's like got the best of both worlds. Yeah, he's hilarious. Yeah, Jimmy plus people. You know who's like that? Jimmy Carr. You know Jimmy? Oh, sure. Yeah, he's hilarious. Yeah, I mean, he does those roast shows over here and stuff along those lines.

23:47 Like New York or Boston or something like that. We do, in Montreal, we do this benefit show for Hope and Cope. montreal to hang out with other comics oh absolutely we call it summer camp man yeah Because, you know, Pete Holmes, a nice guy. montreal right and i'm doing comedy I don't know about six years Like, as a new comic, you're like, holy shit, this is the coolest shit.

26:29 I got people calling me in L.A. asking me about Montreal. so if you listen if you're listening to this podcast no i can't help you do they still have TV is more involved. That's not there. whatever you don't even know who's on the show that day they call people like hey you want to favorite one one year i was hosting it natterman was on it dan natterman who you know natterman

29:33 this is a comedy festival and people are going to say shit that is inappropriate and and do and Yeah. There's 150 people in a 120-seat room. Go upstairs to Comedy Works and sweat. was the same kind of vibe it was like an upstairs bar that they converted for the for the festival so there are still some places that have that funky comedy vibe. That was the great, that was the fun room.

32:40 it sounds so stupid but i know what you mean. You're fucking holding your body. You couldn't even stop laughing. I'm telling you. You should have seen her with those chimps. And he had the suit. somebody could take over, So now he's on was like, When I was coming up, it would be like, oh, and then next weekend, it's Gallagher, too. It's like having an affiliate or like a-

35:59 And here's my brother. That's the original? That is, yeah. Yeah, they look kind of like brothers. But I bought it from you, right? Well, Charlie Murphy could have done that, right? Graspy. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? But then there would be the Real American Hero guys, and then it would be Hefron, and then Charlie and me. But, yeah, he seemed cool. Yeah. Right.

40:39 You can't do it. you want to say like yo man you know you're not Michael Jack like I mean he was like getting off Who are you? So this stuff looks weird now, but I found something, a show that was done about 10 years ago where a guy did a show called Bill Hicks' Slight Return where he did a show as if Bill Hicks was still here 10 years after his death.

42:22 How dare you. The lower right-hand side, the blue one? That's the same show I was telling you about. Stop. Not regular surgery. You got to get the fucked up chin thing. What a talent that guy had. He's never had a different shaped mouth. Are there bands like that now? And the kind of creativity that it took to become And I told him, I said, well, you know,

46:03 with a band like, yeah, there's 27 of us. Well, they charged a lot for tickets. So record sales, like when you sold a million records, you made a lot of money from selling a million records. I know this song. What more records? I was talking to someone who's in a band now, and they were explaining to me that these record companies, they don't just take your record sales anymore, like iTunes sales.

48:08 It's like, yeah. that's what people say If they're older, they want a CD. like a disc drive. like you're into jazz and shit? Blue Note's doing, but it's not big. you know, So there's, Catalina Bar and Grill on Sunset is good and Vibrato here you know and they tour um i'm trying to remember the name of it on sunset catalina bar I've never experienced good jazz.

51:03 This is Catalina, but Dick Van Dyke performs there kind of frequently. What? Oh, here goes. Is he got a cigarette? Yeah. Hold on, I want to hear some of this. Yeah. So that's what's going on that I love. Can he look at it? Really? This sounds like King Spirit, jazz version. I got nothing. it well that part of jazz never changed yeah that's miles davis has always been fascinating

55:39 He did it in 59. And that's what's so cool about it. And sometimes the best music will be random, not part of the set, Because it's like, yeah, you guys are the experts. Yeah, Craig played it. in san francisco we had a field trip i went to see dizzy gillespie live and i'll never forget it like that. But you're supposed to keep your cheeks tight, like the way they would teach you.

58:50 He died in 93. Yeah, he's this Cuban trumpet player. Like, he has to be here. How'd they sneak him out of Cuba? So he flies from Cuba into LaGuardia Airport, and they take him straight to Carnegie Hall for sound check. But to this day, but Arturo is like, when he plays the trumpet, you know it's him. They don't teach. well what if i played this and this at the same time right right and then the next thing you know

1:01:59 That blew people's minds. Yeah, the brand new heavies were great. Yeah, that was a great. Yeah. Yeah, and he would wear the wetsuits all the time. Yeah. He had these tight pants on. 25th anniversary of their record uh vivid cult of personality yeah and they toured it look at that silly swimsuit wow how crazy fucking shitty hotel somewhere i'm gonna give you the one hit wonder you wanted okay the twist

1:05:17 I don't know. He's the GOAT of one-hit wonders. I'll give you an extra million if I can pee on you. The show far eclipsed the band. Not Hootie. The second record fell up. Not as good, I don't think. Like Dave Matthews. I insist on it being his walk on music whenever we work. And these fucking pussies, this is what they think America is. i remember uh and it was one of those you know when you do the set you wish you had recorded it

1:09:11 And it's not written. I have them all on my phone. tiny mini cassette recorder a a mini disc recorder. Mini disc. Comics. Yeah. It happens so fast. Because, yeah, because that started, what, around 1990? So, he has all that shit in his garage. hit the remote and instantly plays that's the most incredible thing is like you could ask siri I think Alexa's more of a spy.

1:12:21 We think. the government is unleashing that is a weather balloon or a balloon that from 65 000 feet it can I mean, they've had spy planes and stuff like that. That was a movie where Gene Hackman would like like Will Smith made a phone call and you were going oh yeah when you create or if you have a warranty thing and they're like yeah but more down don't you your eyes lit up well it's it's good no because i was thinking how many how

1:15:32 or she knows you're doing something yeah yeah do it in a stolen car you bastard this is our What did you do? People shouldn't have access to your email. you things, whether it be security systems or there's so much involved in it. And the odds of you getting hit by personal security or whatever versus the government. Yeah. But the problem is that the government gets the money and then they fuck up. Yeah. So,

1:19:10 and no he was trying to let people know that although these shootings are a tragedy they are But he's saying it's interesting that there's people dying left and right all throughout Yeah. United States. They significantly exceeded the death toll from the two days of mass shootings, As an educator, I personally value knowing with precision and accuracy what reaction anything that I say or write will instill in my audience.

1:22:48 if you admit you made a mistake, there's no forgiveness, there's no road to redemption, or something like hey you know people die in a lot of ways blah blah blah now what he's saying is You know, you look at the Obama birth certificate, right? and they're in their bubble. is all of this information. never come. That's the tragic part. And that is sad. But in the grand scheme of things,

1:26:02 Right. And data is true. The thing is that just people are looking to be upset. Yes. I guess the timing was the issue. And I think on that same weekend, there was some unprecedented number of people that were shot and killed in Chicago. Just, you know, that's the thing. So you can't do that. oh we can use this to to create some dislike against Neil S. Tyson or whatever.

1:29:03 So you can't say that it's completely unrelated. And you know, there is and you know there Perfect way to put it. you, even though you're from a lab environment, you have to understand not everyone is. Too many words. The positive is everyone has a voice. So if you are on Facebook and you get upset about abortion, that's the kind of shit you're going to get in your feed.

1:32:19 Yeah. You know, if you say that the mass shootings are based on transgender marriage, then we can't talk. And just like on the left, look, I believe in the environment, this and that. Air filters? What's wrong with roads? So ever since I've been here and ever since you've been here, they've been talking about You can't tell me that if you went to Lockheed and said, listen, here's $10 billion.

1:34:53 to figure out how to move people around more efficiently You know, flying to Vegas is a pain in the ass, right? It's the same amount of time as going to the airport, flying, getting to your destination. Downtown to downtown. probably not any faster than a car no no fast but fast. But if we had a high-speed train that could travel at 200 miles an hour or whatever, 180, whatever those bullet trains travel at.

1:37:01 It's a different form of travel. So everybody just goes flying. That's the problem is when someone fucks up. Well, how about you? Yes. Ooh. Really? I'm going to win. So do you get leases? This is what I found out. I'm like, I can't pay to ship, but yeah. And yeah, so he just returned it to an infinity place there. It had like 3,000 miles. Yeah, it's – It's a sickness.

1:40:47 And then I started looking. Yep. yeah who had that like rolls royce had that where they're like there's a camera that sees bumps and be all over la holy shit that thing looks good it's gonna be a badass car that is as good looking as an american car has ever been That might be next. I mean, wait until they start pumping out the Z06 and the ZR1. It's probably hard to get them.

1:43:36 It's fucking amazing. Or like, which one does he get? Yeah. If you had unlimited funds and you're a gearhead. He's had it for so long. Like, that's the extent of machining you have that you can just make the wheels? It's like you donate money to a charity, and then he's like, okay, you can bring in this many people. But this was a guy who would give tours.

1:45:45 It was a guy that was like, where did this come from? I would think. One of the steam cars. He's all Porsche, which is weird. I've seen videos of it. Like the GT3 in the argument for the greatest car made. They have Ferraris and Lambos and stuff. Mine doesn't have all that electronic nanny shit that the new ones have. Yeah. That car was a beast. The car was literally like, if you get scared and let off the gas, I'm going to kill you.

1:49:31 have you driven a tesla yet yes you driven the the fast one the p100 no i haven't driven that Yeah. One out of 100? I get so deep and cerebral, then I throw in a dick joke. That happens more often than a kid racing around I was doing a show and they do these rides When you're wild. yeah yeah and you're like oh that was too late yeah you know when you feel the tires break and

1:53:00 have any shifting, which is very interesting to me. They all are. could do it because you just step on the gas or step on the accelerator yeah and do it but Is that the batteries? I have no idea what the Harley. Interesting. That's pretty good. A plug, yeah. You have just a little adapter you put on there, a universal one. Yeah. What are they going to be, like Apple?

1:56:20 so you want me to spend 99 bucks for each one of these pencils and then figure out which one is which, right? And he was talking about how Apple goes out of their way to make things so that they can't be repaired from developing proprietary screws Yeah. Yeah, well, they made it so it's only Apple. It's not as good. The only thing that Apple has going for it is privacy in terms of phones.

1:58:42 iMessage is all scrambled and encrypted. Yeah. Right. That's all it is, yeah. It's really funny. You were going to reply, and then you're like, fuck that dude. Because now they know you're intentionally not answering me. Man, that dude is so funny. Owen Smith. Yeah. don't know definitely hey listen the last thing i need is people publicizing another tall black

2:01:59 But he's a funny kid. yeah now you um well now it's streaming services and um and movies it's still movies are still like a different animal that's a different breed i have zero desire but streaming services and And all due respect to that, That comedy is the only thing Yeah. Yeah. sell him on options on a corvette and he was talking about that in in montreal at the comedy

2:05:04 You know who I never understood, never got a show? And he had the sports show on Comedy Central. Nobody gives a fuck of the closet. Those guys are just masters of the art. vacation in vegas they would go to see george go to see george absolutely there was like rita George figured out just what you said for people to go home and tell their friends hey when you go

2:07:26 if you have any vice vegas is gonna find it and destroy you with it you know whether it's They will let you mortgage your fucking house. Pay you the first night. Thanks. Because they know who he is. I know. Ah. I haven't done that. So that cuts into ticket sales. the time from where i'm standing it's quality situation it's the best room man it's like you

2:10:18 He said, the best room is when you can see everyone's eyes. because like oh man i don't know if i could you could do it man go to the ice house you could do Mike was like, you know, if you want want we can send a server to bring food to your nobody does that anymore. Leno's still there every Sunday but it's hilarious because it's so good and then in Montreal, I just did a gala and Howie Mandel hosted.

2:13:58 Yeah. Like, Arsenio's a beast when he does stand-up. Right, right. you gotta be you have to be wear it every day there's no goddamn you got a uniform yeah he does Let me know. You can get it on everything. You have the Amazon app. All right. I love you, too. Yeah, improv tonight.