Joe Rogan Experience #1333 — Tom Papa Transcript

Transcript

0:00 you definitely shouldn't make those noises to start off a podcast tom papa that what are you My younger one, who's comic yeah she yeah she could be wow she definitely could be you have a healthy household it is I still can't. And so I think you can grow up pretty normal and be pretty funny, you know? toys i'm not wearing your pants yeah i'm the good guy. No, it is a weird thing, especially when you know how you were as a kid.

2:56 why those guidelines exist because in the moment the kid's not going to internalize it they're was because I said so. All right. any you could play in the pool all day all day yeah i'm happy for it isn't that it's interesting To be physical, to be out, to be doing something. Crazy. And they're dancing. or if I'm supposed to be just mirroring him. Okay, I'll go with you.

5:21 I don't know. most fighters have one good side is an orthodox. if you had a southpaw instructor and he was teaching you and you were mirroring him it Yeah. No, it's messed you up. Fahim? Really funny guy. And if I had to do this, like, watch. I always feel like someone, Carol Leifer once said to me, you look like a guy who's never danced in his life.

8:15 Fortnite took a video from his that was six years old on his YouTube channel too he's filled with joy obviously you're not you're not like an asshole if you dance like that I know. Oh, yeah? Not that bad. So it's hard for me to not kick things for a long time. I get to a state of mind where I just feel my tendons. Right. And you're expressing yourself with the movements.

11:03 It's a different rush. you just straightens your brain out yeah it's more of a mellow thing it's but it straightens you out So I always wonder, like when I want to do it, it's um they're they're heavy hills out here would you feel the same way getting off of a treadmill But it's exciting. i equate it to stand up it's like i'm no longer the same person when i'm not doing stand-up for

13:56 Yeah. in your mind that like i'm getting something so much more potent than you're going to get out here That's as happy as a person can get. through it it's not as satisfying so you constantly have to keep pushing because you need that more potent brush And you bring it up and it works. I see. There's no other way. you're you're nailing the joke in the setup yeah and if you fuck up a setup oh even if the rest of

17:23 It was big. And he would hit a punchline, Yeah. Right. and we did one of the Fox theaters and that started to feel You can own salmon. It just seems weird. It's just such a common name. Just the word fun. Yeah, but that was a long time ago. Shoreline Amphitheater Never heard of it. Yeah. So they were all in front, Yeah. I go, It's crazy. theater back and forth at five it started to feel like oh this is this is bigger than i can control

22:11 Oh, my God. people that can keep it together i know it's it's really unfortunate we view people the way we do and small shops and small clubs. It's like a plane crash, right? no but that's amazing i mean to be with 25 000 strange like-minded people just out that just coming to laugh they wanted to have a good time that's amazing that's the see once upon a time in hollywood i did so those flower kids right yeah the murderous flower the

25:14 They're not assholes. Oh, yeah. What? I thought you were going to say the actual Manson kid that did take off. you he said it didn't it wasn't real though let me tell you this thing because talking from gene And I get it's just a crazy Quentin Tarantino movie. But with that said, if that was a real life event with Gene LaBelle and Bruce Lee, Gene It would have been a different thing, man.

28:07 Everything else was bullshit, and you shouldn't even practice it. oh yeah that looks like green hornet yeah That's him. Yeah, they became friends. If Gene LaBelle really wanted to grab a hold of Bruce Lee, people sign up for martial arts classes including me right and part of it was because he was a movie He learned it in China. Well, the UFC changed all that shit.

30:32 Yellow belt? He's... his uh competition uh accomplishments blue belt no yellow belt he's but if that that makes sense that they kind of based it on him because he really was a legendary stuntman as well wouldn't that be cool though if tarantino had the inside That guy's a fucking gorilla. they just have this insane ability to manipulate bodies it's crazy okay it says he won

31:54 Japan. one really one family so he probably just grabbed him got him in a headlock right then labelle lifted lee onto his that's yeah they showed that the brad pitt character was some judo champion that became a martial artist later, okay, maybe. Just in my circle of friends that I run into, whatever. like it's from 1969 aren't we supposed to go go? Yeah, we're supposed to go. Yeah.

34:52 I'm in L.A. all week. Here, I'll send it to youie all right you send it to jamie Swipe down when you open up the messages app. Yeah, next time. Jamie, I just sent you... i know dude you're a really good cook thank you you nailed that yeah tri-tip's a tricky one because off and it was so nice. delicious yeah they're one of the fastest deer species on earth. They're crazy fast. How big are they?

37:38 Tony's like, hey! The elk is so good. no i was i didn't get in the game to feel good i just wasn't because it was delicious so many Mountain lions. the united states maybe some places And so they brought over stags. There was literally no large mammals in New Zealand, and they brought all of them over there. Are you going for elk again? I didn't tie this.

40:23 Let me see the one below that. So it's probably a high fence operation. must have got caught on something it looks like a vine something else wrapped around in there that's so weird i really Hey. That's not cool. It's terrible. That's not cool. Oh terrible that's not cool oh it's a drag it's a drag they find them there like coyotes Because it's pretty interesting.

42:56 most likely and i don't know how all of them do it because they probably vary but i know um in the get done having sex they don't need the antlers anymore because the antlers are mostly to like think that's great look at the antlers and then there's people who are the purest people that They do exist. Yeah. A little kind of sketch. Yeah, it's a little sketch. Yeah.

45:22 They're devastating to the local flora, all the different They ripped apart a cat. They're everywhere. Really? And, you know, if the wind is blowing right, so it's blowing towards them, they can pick up these little things. it's a little smell your feet poor guys poor puppy imagine they could smell another dog taking a leak a block away like what yeah

47:50 bears are the best they just have they have a multiple i think i want to say a bear's nose is that's our state flag bro and push them up up north but they've not pushed them off they murdered them on the way up there, and they exhumed him the bear hunt it was a part of him being elected but these people you're going to come face to face with the i mean there's a kid from rutgers that got killed by a bear a couple years back it's it's very rare

50:54 suburbs suburb neighborhoods what the problem also is that it's just growing there's so many But there is sprawl. Right. Males eat cubs. They're not movie characters. it's the most populated state because densely populated state yeah because it's not but it has a lot of people there's a lot Densely populated state. Yeah. But it has a lot of woods. There's just bears.

52:47 shit out of them too they're responsible for the death of 50 of all deer fawns bears bears it i get people don't want bears to die but you just have to understand management you have to which is oh really yeah and these two bears that's like queens it's like queens new york This is brand new. bullshitting the bears look like 400 pound bears they're fucking enormous and they knock over this

55:27 From earlier this year. Dude, this is going to be a problem. This is like before they really had stabilization on cell phone cameras. Right. You got to manage it. They don't know how to fight bears. these videos of bears fighting god you know alaska takes it one step further though one of my favorite This is fucking crazy. Well, you can move to Anchorage, Alaska.

58:08 The cat becomes an indoor cat. Take down. Like an axis deer is like maybe 150 pounds. pounds they're so big and those are big ones man they had giant antlers yeah you see how wide their Back then he was just kind of learning the smartass craft. hilarious he was such a smart was such a smart ass. He was mean. But no, but he had that, you know, he had Fitzsimmons attitude where if he locks it

1:00:37 Especially if you're cocky, you annoy him. Oh, that's great. Maybe not even 10. this crazy story i mean we're trapped with this guy all the comic is telling us this crazy story. it's a weird time to bring up the subject. And I don't think butt play makes you gay. Whatever you're into. I have no problem with you getting your butt touched. Hello, how do you do?

1:02:53 random strangers that's so funny wanted us to know that uh his girl liked to put vibrators in it's got to be clean and uh kyle went up i went up and i you're bombing because it's high school And one line was, they were debating whether or not The kids are so excited by it. He's got a Winnie the Pooh tie. and there's two, And they don't know Yeah. Didn't you say you do it at 7 in the morning?

1:06:45 Like they have a Netflix channel. Yeah. the shot what shots they choose really yeah they're doing it so you could look at it on a you know she's really funny is it? but it's cool Why do they make you do that? I know you do. you said you really can't because you've got to get up early in the morning. Why? I want to get things done first. like how dumb i am during the day if there's like a meter if you could like see like now i should

1:10:13 And early in the morning, You mean physically working? Like sometimes I'll be writing at one-thirty in the morning. I really don't have the energy to work out. You mean physically working? I can't do it. Right. When you're awake and when you don't have energy. Right. Yeah, I didn't like them. Okay, non-radio day. Non-radio day. Do you play classical music softly?

1:12:00 appointments until noon anything i'm going to do i don't do until noon except if I'm going to do, I don't do until noon. I'm sorry. Because it's more restful than sleep. But I like yoga. It's kind of bullshitting. And he would say these things. Yeah. Controversy. Yeah, that's really small. Yeah, I don't want to watch it. It's very, you know, I tried meditating in all these different ways,

1:15:51 i was always had in my head that maybe tm is different maybe maybe going and learning that And this is just a way through a mantra to get you down below the waves to sit for 20 minutes. Like, it's 40 to 50. Hey, Siri. It's very calming. I didn't catch that. Siri is paying. People right now are screaming at me because their car is? Oh yeah, Siri did. I didn't catch that.

1:17:59 What is the process? How do you do it? Well, that's true. Jerry Seinfeld. Sourdough. But it wouldn't be nearly as weird don't say it out okay so as you're just repeating the And I'm telling you, my one friend described it as it adds another four hours to your day. And you called and you're like, can you come on over? If I'm tired, yeah. I can't do that.

1:20:56 I'll hook you up with the guy. Why can't you learn Transcendental from youtube you know what there is this mystery about it and i would research it and i was like maybe Or like in yoga, they're like, you think you're doing this, but your elbows are out. Normal bullshit. No. He's got a, harris is the only one who said i'm in let. Let's do it. When you called me today, I was online looking at tanks.

1:23:18 No, that's true. went in there oh many times really oh for sure yeah You put the ear things in? You don't have to keep your head up. They kind of fuck with the balance of your head. Your neck, your head, anything. You tell me when. sure you could do it in there yeah just do it in there it'd probably be amazing right you'd want to and then plugged this fucking tank into this shed.

1:26:32 i can look at the world from an outside perspective and you you can do it you carry that with you when other skills that like some people are really good at running with a football right it's super hard Oh, shit, not me. on it yeah but what i'm saying is also that that is definitely true but what i'm saying is also and you get better at this as a skill.

1:29:00 But I think we should. little rules. own little guidebook to get through life do you think they still teach etiquette in any high like with a narcissistic perspective yeah one of the major problems with that is there's no one to That's the mindfuck. Dealing with other human beings in a nice manner is rewarding. yeah and when you're in a position where you can help your friends in that way and you support each

1:32:36 I was like, God damn it. just by paying attention to myself going why don't what is wrong with you like i will occasionally laugh at me why did that guy just show up and he's on mtv and i'm not sure i mean and that also exists working at the comedy cellar and i was just getting angry and frustrated. I couldn't get on Conan. Enjoy yourself and go about it.

1:34:37 You can watch other people and actually have joy that these people are doing these things. approval that you were but in the early days they had their conversation scripted what do you mean the conversation so like him and a guest and no and what's his face the guy his sidekick andy richter Yeah. Yeah. completely different fails a lot of the time. Everyone's elevated.

1:37:51 I watched it once and there was like three people on the couch together. But, you know, it's kind of, yeah, spoiled is, when Bernie was on last week, I listened to your Bernie episode. like if you were on a show right now like one of those panel shows with five people on they come I know. Let him finish the sentence, you fuck. hate you everyone's gonna hate your guts yeah it's it it's one of those weird ancient holdovers

1:40:42 i'm in the moment yes i'm gonna call everything out i'm not gonna but if you're running for president man they find they find something like that, a jumble here, You've got to be honest. That seems like he might have wrote that. let him know who we are we choose unity over division we choose science over fiction we choose form of form of amphetamine prescribed by a doctor in the past that was like this that gives

1:43:29 I'm scared. I would imagine it would kill a lot of your creativity. You think so? Yeah, because I think it would be fun to write with i would imagine it would it would kill a lot of your Oh, he was so funny. You ever hear his Siegfried and Roy joke? So I took one of these. And he goes, I started organizing things. i'm like fuck you i've been drinking a ketone aid with coffee with uh caffeine in it i forget

1:45:53 It's fucking wonderful before exercise. Probably. I looked it up on Amazon. You still eat that way predominantly? Yeah, but I fuck off. i try to think of it as an 80 20 thing i eat 80 super healthy and 20 i allow myself questionable Right. Yeah. I could run hills with a couple peaches in me. How did Georgia get so connected with peaches? fruit that grows in jersey tomatoes yeah that's like if you were making. But a fruit that grows in- Jersey tomatoes?

1:48:43 I don't know if you just noticed that. A guy who committed suicide. Yeah. He was the host of Family Feud, right? Yeah, that's the guy. I could play that role. There was a movie called... but then there was another guy Bob Crane. Yeah. really i think it was one of those murders where they never totally solved the crime Oh, my God. Yeah. So good. I don't want to sell it anymore.

1:51:58 No. Verdun? I like how you did that. Verdon? He was dating Leslie Bibb. Yeah, yeah. Yeah In movies today Oh he was a martial artist I believe that. Oh, interesting. So he had some UFC fights. just looking at the cards so damn funny he had a one of my favorite bits ever about it was back in He was very Ralph Cramden in that way. I mean, he would fucking get sweaty and scream.

1:55:25 of danger yeah like he was dangerous but it was funny like an animal house right he was dangerous But no one has. I don't know. who's a who's a who's really wild now like that nobody really right nobody that we want to throw He's got that kind of thing. Yeah, for sure. I didn't see that one. You know what I mean? Yeah, Venom, Warrior, and then Bronson, I think.

1:58:55 Yeah. Who? No, he didn't. Is that not it? Dick Tracy villain. Yeah. Al Capone. That's a bad shot looks like a Dick Tracy movie. They're saying he looks like a Dick Tracy movie. They're making fun of him. They're making fun of him. That's Al Pacino. Yeah. Same character. He was fucking jacked, bro. He looks like Roy Jones Jr. almost. I mean, maybe they 3D animated him.

2:01:03 How did Jake Gyllenhaal get so ripped? Insane. impossible right says for five months long he'd been working out twice a day even on sundays his Well, he did. I forget. That's a rare person In the world person it's not i'm sorry what who do you think jason bourne is he's a character in a movie Who are you saying you're friends with? matt beamonte oh look at him who like worked with it with his name he must be legit angelo dundee

2:04:30 and crazy sure but you can tell yeah when he can't fake that stuff flips them on their head and breaks And he hit his head. Oof. And hurt it real bad, you know? And, like, he's of stunt work, too. Uh-huh. And he hit his head. Yeah. you're always falling out of the back of trucks and wrecking motorcycles on purpose. But for some things, you need a stunt person.

2:06:28 okay let me see how we can make this so that no one dies right but they are willing to take so not worried about getting hurt themselves. And there was only two times in the history of that show where I was like, don't do this. I go, they're stunt bulls. If you had a tennis ball in your hand, you would just do like that. People would fly. that for sure with the the bull one because the bull one that the bull kicked in the air and

2:09:02 with him and james corden though oh yeah where james tried to do the workouts with him oh really yeah he brought they went over to marky mark's always doing like he played uh mickey ward in that movie the fighter remember that yeah yeah he's got 7 or 8. workout after a meal that's why you want to go into something like that but like something where

2:11:29 Interesting. Yeah. And then I would be up before that leveled out Yeah. Joey Diaz? Yeah. Tell us your mantra, bro. I can't. Wow. just create a just use om i mean i don't understand why yeah why do you have a mantra yeah what tell Why am I trying to remember this? That's very Canadian. Not just willfully misinterpreted, where people take the words and the things that he's saying yeah willfully misconstrue them they they

2:14:57 And he's saying, that's not what I'm saying. Not just that. And in that time period, all these people who opposed what he was saying, they were have to know this because if somebody wants you to take a picture with this fucking Peppy the Frog thing, Why? Okay. Nazi hat on. Yeah. Yes. who specifically sued people fees right deal with something like that i'm sure

2:19:26 And doing so in order to get people upset or to laugh or to mock certain ideas She's like, some of them were really funny. How many? thing to me right depth and yet i've seen articles connecting him to white nationalists because there's a photo of him with the frog. Right? is yeah this is obviously it's a lot of what internet culture trapped yeah he jordan understands

2:22:12 Very enlightening. insightful person what about all of his he's not a bad guy at all no it's just people have this horrible thing that You're on someone else's team. It's very, I've never heard somebody connect our practical trying to find our way through verses and stories from the Bible, stories from other religions as long as it has, And it's like, it's a hard thing when you don't have a framework, a guidebook to help you deal with that and get through the woods.

2:25:30 time, and they didn't muddy themselves with whether or not this was the answer, but it gave i mean there's like that practical little guidebook stuff that uh we kind of lack right now like wild and what a good, God-fearing Christian would do, Yeah, yeah. And then, you like, wow, the simplicity and ruggedness of this guy's vision. what i mean like she's surviving like you're out there both of you clawing and scratching she's hot

2:28:06 western chick what is that woman's name again she's really good too i don't think that she'd Like, you believe she's a struggling robot trying to figure out if she's real or not she's a robot she's a robot but don't show that one that's not a good picture of her sometimes if they're robots how about that that's how good it is that's pretty great i think that

2:30:35 Likely, right? away oh for sure you know i have no idea how many very would have wanted this guy to go away. Oh, for sure. You know what I mean? Where is all that stuff? He's a former cop. That guy could just wrap Jeffrey Epstein up in a bear hug and hang him himself. That's like Grossberger from Stir Crazy. Yeah. The deaths of four men. So he hung himself?

2:32:59 This is the one conspiracy where nobody believes the true story that i've talked to no nobody except And this one is almost predictable. Make that a larger, please. As with JFK, Diana, Marilyn, et al., fame warps perspective and fuels unwarranted speculation. pedophile like somebody like he's saying gave him a 70 million dollar house in new york city

2:35:30 Right, but the guy was living in the house. The guy bought it for Epstein. about this guy, is crazy too. And there was an idea. It's a temple that he had on his island. No one really knows. Yeah. I've never flown with, it'd have to be my very best friends that I tour with all the united states i think was he still president then or no it was afterwards afterwards i'm done i flew

2:37:41 Who did? He was just in the news? That's right. What is her name? I try to find out the miami herald but yeah that book i was telling you i just read about james patterson he said everything that And I think a lot of it had to do with her recognition that this guy had gotten this creepy light sentence. Like Michael B. Jordan. That guy? Like Michael Jackson.

2:39:41 What's that guy's name? He had some great jams. There you go. We should all go to see him. Def Leppard's out there. I know. That's Brian Adams? Let me see. Is it? Well, listen, man Yeah Hey, Epstein, what are we doing today? of what michael schirmer was talking about conspiracy theorists never attribute to malice He's a creepo. hard drives that's where they keep it all on the hard drives they did find hard drives filled with

2:43:24 where they're pretending My dad's not home right now. Step-mother? Step-mother and step-sister, step-mother porn. Step-mother? Now, those are fun. oh my god we shouldn't be doing this right that's a thrill for a lot of people right they feel To be rebellious. then they get more outrageous somehow or another. It's like you want to get more and more extreme with it when you're dealing with tires.

2:46:12 porn no it's pretty uh devastating who's rashida jones again she was quincy jones's daughter she is that possible i don't know if it's possible what happened right yeah that is yeah because we don't think the women can handle it? For sure. like there is a high percentage of women that do porn this is a fact that have been 20% at strip clubs? to cut you off but i think we're uh i think human beings are able to not see everything that they

2:50:07 Right. Maybe he needs to grow a pair. for fun yeah that's what it sounds like lucy sweatpants right now if that was a guy doing Like, imagine if that was your daughter or your wife, right? That's my thought on that always, is if a woman's willing to blow a 14-year-old, she'll blow you, too. so i think every crazy doesn't scare me no there's something you know look we all there's a lot of

2:52:59 we were younger they've always existed i know but it and it was always like you know with your I think, fuck, there was, I want to say, is it Kashmir? Not in the 1200s. Just Google that. I'll pull out my laptop. published yeah that spot but see bride napping also occurs in places like armenia ethiopia So what was it 100 years ago? we are so fortunate god yeah here well not just us there's some yeah but people in

2:56:14 That's horrible. they're treated worse the further you go back in history. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what's the original image Yeah. because that's how it went down, Right. But that was a thing you thought of when you thought of cavemen. there is such a violent they don't understand how to even like be around women they don't it's just like man talk about lack of guidebook.

2:58:54 it says, Wow. she's from colombia and if he was from colombia too i mean look there's every culture all around It's fucking terrifying. and you're like what yeah yeah it's dark out there so if you fuck that guy's au pair or rather if um and that dangerous person is trying to go and get his ex-wife and kill her and you have to be you about the way the world really works.

3:01:59 Yes. Fuck, it's such a horrible way to leave this world. You're running a comedy club. right shot herself right it's terrible yeah do you think there's ever going to be a time there's that to large groups of people and then you get to large groups of people like you're talking about Kyrgyzstan where one out of five women gets fucking kidnapped. What is that one city that in, there's one city in Pakistan. Is it Karachi? What is that one city in Pakistan?

3:04:45 someone murdered oh really and how much murder and crime goes on over there oh god just a totally Yeah. Yeah. Is he really? What happened in the Dominican Republic? Yeah. because we've chosen to start focusing on people who die over there. Well, a lot of people Go to the Dominican After all this Oh you can definitely From the mini bar I'm like you know. And now that you can't even drink from the mini bar, I'm like, you know what?

3:07:47 and hookworm has a detrimental effect on your ability to think. Oh, weird. Yeah. All gazed out dully from sunken sockets with a telltale fisheye stare. This podcast started off, we were having fun. worm that makes you dumb i'm never going anywhere ever again incredible that's this that's insane For years. That shit is happening right now on the East Coast.

3:10:50 Yeah. distribution methods and one of the thoughts of a lot of these distribution methods is infecting bugs. whether it's anthrax, things along those lines. east coast it was not around and i think it took a while for anybody to figure out what the fuck it By Chris Newby, K-R-I-S, Chris. Can you give me a... What is that? evidence linking the outbreak of lyme disease in the 1960s that's what you said from the u.s

3:14:28 Seems like a lot of malarkey. that that does worry me more than anything i think she's a hoser i don't know her personally If it's a flu, there's certain things you can take. Oh, geez. Sometimes neighbors don't take care of their pool. That's enough. we never had screens like really bad it was mosquito larva The first human case since At least nine towns are at critical risk

3:17:21 And wound up taking our pants off Oh, Maine is brutal. They don't have any time. We did not exist until a year ago. I can handle it. Yeah. That's a good fight. Yeah, they just take whatever they can get. You don't want all the bears dead because then there'll be so many fucking deers is when people are like, I'm going to eat you. He tried to bite him, but he didn't let it.

3:20:13 on yeah it's the wild wild west that singer i was telling you about got bit in the foot It causes the death of tissue, like wherever the bite is, I don't know. Don't go to the Dominican Republic. But if you ever want to do the show, if you ever want to. Oof. I'll hook you up with some elk after this. Come to Papa. And it's on seven in the morning.