Joe Rogan Experience #1338 — Roy Wood Jr. Transcript

Transcript

0:00 We good? Fun of these guys alive. So, got the new MacBook, right? You're telling me my old software ain't no good? then I may as well you have to let go so everybody in the house The interface is so smooth. But in three years, it's time to pay up again. what is a way, how do you get out of this? You got to kind of buy it. Shout out to Sanyo. And I had a five-hour mini disc.

3:39 I used to make my own PCs. No, no, no. I don't understand email slander. Does it come with chicken grease stains You've got mail. Yeah, it was exciting. We had a Compact Presario computer. uh wasn't that jamie it was a monitor didn't have the floppy disk built into it i don't think it's hard to remember Like, I get it now. You're fighting zombies. There's a boxing game, though, that you can get a great workout in, like a legitimate great workout.

8:10 Is that going to catch on for real, Joe? Because it feels real. Because eventually you can predict if you knew the patterns. You just see the spark. It'll get worse. They have it set up to make it really sort of mimic whatever sensation you're supposed to be experiencing. Let's see. Yeah. Jigsaw and Sudoku. So I just start doing the puzzle and just trying to stay calm.

11:24 That's a sign of someone's intentions. When someone's undoing your puzzle, like. Oh, my goodness. Undoing the puzzle. Oh, the anger. That's a sign. That's a sign of someone's intentions. That's like seriously bad intentions. I understand that now. You can't. but you need a lot of space do you like living in the city? commuting? The problem is that I've gotten more done career-wise in New York in four years than I did the eight years I was in L.A.

13:19 It makes you want to write because you see so-and-so working on a new bit and doing all And you're trying to get the next career thing done. and then you also got to go home and be a dad yeah that's it's got to No, in Nashville, I think. I hear birds chirping and shit. bit of a scene but oh yeah my first nine years were all southern i was a road guy out of alabama

15:51 like the will the will to do do time and to find spots and to find a place to work out And once I got to L.A., you start seeing, well, no, I know to avoid that because I'll end up like that dude. feature i watched his seven-year-old while he would go out and do his set. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, but that's the life. It was at the Improv in Irvine. Because it can choke your career.

18:50 there was a guy that used to take me on the road with him down South, um, kind of on some mentorship to a fucking gig. The family would stay at the hotel while we did the show and then we would get back in the car and drive the fuck back home and then i would go home and sleep in my bed but we didn't spend the night the family would stay at the hotel while we did the show and then we would get back in the car and drive the

20:05 understand that mindset that's a different mindset a woman with a solution that makes sense yeah And that's when i leave it's perfect that helps a lot that's gigantic you know like uh it also puts me in the mind i feel like the more okay what was i thinking there oh that's right that's right that's right and then i'll start the thing that I struggle with the most

23:11 be it reading, magazines, TV, whatever. watching my DVR on the train or something putting everything out he goes i had nothing i had nothing to say everything seems fake when Like they they interviewed North Vietnamese soldiers as well. and vietnam and soldiers and soldiers returning you're just you're entering into the trickiest dudes they started doing double flips and then they started doing flip triple flips yeah a bunch

26:58 Just watching guys try to do flips and land wrong. You had to be like a trapeze guy. they weren't thrashing like that in the 80s. The shit they do. Like, in baseball, before you turn, like, 15, I think, they try to limit you throwing breaking balls. They're going against it this way. And it's very, very common that guys get knee injuries from being overzealous

29:50 right there whoa look how bad his knee is ripped apart that's dean lister dean lister is a fucking in fights that don't know what they're doing it's strange it's like imagine if you challenge a guy I got in a fight. air force retired but still we're cool We're cool to this day now. I didn't know how to fight at all until I learned how to fight. So I didn't grow up with a bunch of friends where everybody knew everybody.

32:32 So I started taking martial arts. But are you teaching them? But the question becomes about teaching proper conflict resolution. about kids learning jujitsu too is that also they're really used to conflict because you have it was like every i'd see some dude that bullied me i'm like shit and i'd go around the whole opposite way of school i'd walk the total way around the school to get to the bus

34:34 And mind you, I've set aside lunch money. that's where all the bullshit would go down but all the bullshit came to her house but out of yep the basic of bullying is that yeah it's nature and it forces people that are causing pain and inflicting pain on people, they're in pain, man. That's why they're doing it. I mean, that's the constant victim narrative.

37:33 and was gonna punch me in the face i'll never forget this like i forget what was happening we from back then i'm actually good friends with that i was friends with when i was growing up that happen remember that time we're at a party you kicked that dude in the head i'm like dude i don't remember i just let them have it that it if that's your memory of us in college fine whatever it's weird though right when you know

40:00 Like because she's clearly been mad at me all of this time about something that I didn't even do. But then she replies under that. That's a great approach. God is my witness. maniacs like us day in day out every week coming in and telling jokes and getting drunk and smoking Like in the next decade To exercise fucking saying yeah they get mad at them because the club will book them and they'll go well the

43:17 an audience in lieu of the fact that they don't put new standup on TV anymore and let's it's you're a comic you might be a shitty comic and you might be a famous shitty comic because you're doing stand-up, you're a comic. You might be a shitty comic, and you might be a famous shitty comic and then you go to see them seven, eight years later, that because you didn't do it the way i did it this is the only way to do it the game evolves

45:39 long as you leaves the grocery store before you that's comedy now it is but it's wasted energy waste of your energy yo i read a book um rebel without a crew i think it's um i think rich or sixty thousand dollars the first paranormal activity was dirt cheap they shot the first saw I need to go and fucking gorilla some shit together and learn. So that's why I started trying to learn video editing, audio editing, and all that shit, man.

47:45 office you rent it eighty dollars a year there's so many crooks for the access to it just crux some old ms dos coding type action yeah on uh on my windows computer i use uh i use a program Yeah, it just says Mac OS. and i'm i was like yeah i can't believe i'm back in la this is fucking terrible i'm like well let years i don't think any i don't think any comic can do it though i think it is impossible to be

50:50 There's too many offers. Well, he was seeking it out. For me, when I was on TV TV I was doing comedy like five years This was I'm not under any illusion Those are the only two that I'd still, to this day, would go, all right, I still stand beside those jokes. I'm like, bury that shit. no gatekeepers but the problem with is money but there was no ray romano fucking here's your career choose your career here's your kevin

54:29 a variety or hollywood reporter because where tech goes that's where people go where people that's the one I don't think you'll like it but it's still funny So his existence on TikTok is what makes it funny. that's crazy i remember thinking that is crazy how does he have so many friends He was the first guy, right? Oh, my God. Boy, they just gutted that record business, didn't they?

57:28 He was all steroided up and maniac, it was like past his house The internet just gutted his business. That dude lost his house. Yeah. but in the beginning, There's a lot of like stepmother porn. what? And every bedroom is this individual studio set up for whatever genre of porn there was like at least I think if you're a woman and you're cool with doing porn, you're probably better off just doing it on some self-starting shit than even dealing with any of these L.A. crooks in the first place.

1:01:07 They make their money doing that Yeah, I think it's- or if you want to pay a little extra yeah one-on-one i will sit here and pretend to be on a date with you and and a microphone and just turning the webcam on and just doing whatever the fuck you want to do There's people innovating. Girls fuck on camera. Really? Because there's a beef between strippers and prostitutes.

1:05:10 head i know you're thinking about groceries or some other shit but it was hilarious as a comic where like you know the club will close at two and the police would leave and then at three the It's insane. you could pay for everything everything that's legal everything else that's legal you could pay And someone could do it for free. I mean, think about all the things we do that we don't want to do, but we do it for money.

1:07:52 I used to work day jobs. And Tuesday morning, I would go to a day labor spot, Anytime I played the comedy club, I worked at the Quick Creek factory. road and that's your gig for eight hours. and if, prank calls i was taking my prank calls at the time and sending them to other morning shows this a couple of weeks a couple months and then i would call the local comedy club and go hey i want a

1:11:37 kids need to hear this all you fucking kids listening to this right now they're thinking I can offer money to out of towners who also have comedy nights and do swap out. I don't know any Buck Wilds. and they throw out t-shirts and all that shit so I go to the comedy club and I told Bruce Ayers I So I get to the comedy club that Friday and all I have to do is keep Buckwild and Bruce Ayers apart so that neither one knows what the fucking lie was.

1:14:15 buck wild, What is the penalty for this lie? But if you've performed somewhere else outside of where you're from, you have performed across the country. I came up, man, because I got arrested when I was 19 for credit card fraud. dude who used to uh come to this pool hall i was at and uh international sal was like uh he was a real nice guy but he was

1:16:47 And all he wanted to do was gamble on pool, and he could never win. Just fuck it up and hit the rail and bounce it off Because I know I've talked about international Sal before. Yeah, it was bad. But he was one of the original credit card fraudsters. in your head you're like all right well i know i probably won't go to jail i with duct tape yeah he's friends with the dude he kidnapped he took pictures

1:20:20 drive that other people probably couldn't comprehend but he knew what would happen if it went bad again. Joey's with the guy. That's beautiful, man. I could have been in prison. Credit reports, rental history, drug history, employment history. fucking bankruptcy sitting on your record from i like how you described it as a market correction Because the Emmys don't have a host now either.

1:23:14 But Sebastian made me cry when I was looking at this fucking Video Musical World Award. We make the jokes nobody wants to make. Go to Sebastian's page. There's a thing where he's asking Jimmy Kimmel how to do it why else do it let me show it to you before you before you cast any judgment go to go to sebastian's page there's like a thing where he's like asking he's asking jimmy camo how to

1:24:14 But if Ricky Gervais roasts people, like if Ricky Gervais was hosting something, that's different. If you look at the history of the Oscars, it's almost always stand-ups. I'm like, you're Chris Rock. No other comic is going to give you that. No, Kevin would have done that. But it was great. You can't, right? Not right now. Big fat ones yeah I don't think they're ever going to forgive him for calling himself the gay Tupac.

1:27:08 But then you sit down on somebody's couch and you go, yeah, that was the old me and the new me now. He would have to explain the whole thought process for putting on the hoax, why he kept a noose on his neck, Is he a good actor? He's still saying that he actually got mugged. Marv Albert was biting people on the back. Is there a way back for that guy

1:29:00 On the curb cha-cha. to grab the ass in the room. Has he owned any of it? He can't paint. watch this shit in the morning carson daily me and my girl had this carson daily had that one Yeah, he's been in the mix. I don't know what it is. Like you did to the teacher. Because now, even if you've had that with your accusers, society at large still gets to decide.

1:32:06 He saved up enough money. God damn it. Brooke Shields should take antidepressants. You're being glib, Matt. I'm thinking, because I'm holding a pen and pieces of paper war of the worlds that's early aughts yeah man okay they're on this crusade against against psychiatry it's like a big part of what When you really think about how recent Scientology is is it's like the 1940s or 50s

1:35:00 lawsuits against the irs and they started thousands of lawsuits the idea was that they were Yeah. it opened up and it's handwritten nonsense by a retard. really feel like you get that from science like normally when i like and watching that doc i didn't know the dude from chicago pd used to be like the gritty yeah detective guy But how? It used to be commercials for that in the 80s and 90s.

1:37:42 there's got to be a way to like overcome these mental hurdles like this that was like for martial arts competition the So I got this book. It was a good ad. And then I got on the list. That much shit? Like it bothered me Hey, come on. I was into some of the, I call it the you can do it motivational stuff. I remember in high school, our JROTC commander, he used to make us watch this guy. I think his name was Bob Mowad.

1:40:35 i started falling in love with financial shit yeah yeah well when i was 21 and i was first So it's like the mind exercise. more hustle and more hustle mindset and the mentality that I'm the type of dude and then drive five hours shit that you have to do when you're going through buzz training the six months of breaking you down Take action. You're just robbing people.

1:43:36 shit yourself they you need to show people that you could do it the best motivational speakers to This motherfucker got abs on a coin. I think so. You just be around other comics that are just doing. but this joke this isn't and when he breaks down why that joke that you love doesn't even he's better no that it was worse yeah that's what usually happens so it happens to everybody

1:46:22 And it used to offend me. cool to do that and that that would make this experience better for everybody you're doing a and then next thing you know it you're a little drunk and you're on stage like i'm at that age now i can't remember and so in my brain it's well i'm when i I was still living in LA, I had a trainer. like properly regiment in my life well this is how you fix that force yourself like we're in august

1:49:13 For one month. have this dog that loves running and so i make sure that if i don't take him running he's he's He goes crazy. Yeah, that was a different dog. That is a big fucking snake. I've killed a bunch of What do we have down south? They have coyotes in every fucking state. Not bad. What a size of that fucker. It's a whole beautiful ecosystem out there.

1:52:17 And if they hit, there's about 1.5% of them that have those disgusting diseases. No, that's why they can. That rats documentary? And this is in suburban Atlanta. like just sheer numbers and just we're gonna that's a hustler right there there's more in New York City? Jesus. They've always been. You know what's the weirdest shit? And the rats are sacred?

1:55:04 Rat temple? speed up ahead So the reason why rats are scared of people, they recognize that people want to kill them You're like, whoa. Have you seen the video of the pelican that ate a pigeon? Swallowed. Yeah, rats hunt pigeons. You ever see rats kill a pigeon? Yeah, I've seen that. And drag them away. You're like, whoa. Dinosaurs. It's just got to be normal.

1:56:21 And there's millions of rats running underneath your feet under the ground would have to be a pandemic disease which as jimmy was saying can happen it's there we have thousands like a like a whole gigantic theater sells out and all the people pile out onto the They have a whole community of people that are out in the street. And then on some A little more level enough

1:59:01 No no there's there's like there's there's like this weird thing with the homeless as well where I feel like as a country, we're quicker to help people in groups. No, you're absolutely right. oh, we got to fix this. and we don't fix inner cities that have been impoverished since the fucking 1800s we don't ever go in there and the fuck it is. And then no one does anything to fix it. No one does anything to change it.

2:02:16 They're going to vote me out of office. So these new problems, like, oh, the ocean's rising what are we gonna do like it's Well, you get more people that do well and you have a better the two things work against each other and for it to work for the system to work He was a cop of Baltimore, and he came across this paper from the 1970s that was detailing rap sheets, all the problems in the area and all the different crimes.

2:05:15 So in Newark, New Jersey right now, they are facing water contamination levels that are higher than Flint. dirty water here's some money and some campaign promising that's what happened i think so i mean you gotta unravel the story we gotta see how it well i think there's also a sense of futility like there's a lack of resources to handle Or if there's one thing that can be like Big Sean did something that was dope in Detroit.

2:08:12 But the idea of getting the fuck out, I'm always torn on because it's like I'm gone. charitable things how much can you dedicate to your career your family yeah it's the constant process. I mean, I think it's the job of people who are running cities and states and the country. I don't know. Do this logistical thing to help. You're like, Jesus. because you can just find a motherfucker and be like here yeah here's a hundred dollars yeah when

2:11:58 So it's 9%. Sign it. in 2008 that is hilarious so they're still going after it 11 years later? 10, about five, six. Oh, she began, she was his assistant in 2008. She embezzled money and she went crazy. The whole season. Yeah, a whole and a half the whole season yeah a whole What De Niro project needs friends as research? He's been like, I don't know what the physically unable to perform.

2:15:09 Yeah. She took apart his puzzle. If you're married, you go, well, who's paying for her lawyer? a day forever, lost almost everything. Still to this day, how about this? He's been married for, but I feel like the divorce lawyer industry is tied to the wedding industry somehow. Perfect relationship. getting married seven times yeah it gets a little wacky. He's had marriages that lasted less than a year.

2:18:17 I almost proposed to a girl in 03. Yeah. You could just see that when it's all in front of you, it's easy to just see that. I was a little extra about it, but I was young. So that those two guys, which is so catty of me. No. You're not liable for someone causing violence. So in my brain, I'm going, there's something that could have gone south somehow.

2:20:36 And this is when I learned that if you return an engagement ring, the salesperson loses the commission. he's selling jewelry in a mall yeah you don't want to fucking lose your fucking commission yeah Yeah. Yeah. Call Sprint. Nah. Maybe I shouldn't have done that. dude, it was full-blown, bro. times without having a bunch of things going and disappointing in your work life and then then you

2:24:03 on you've cheated so you know both sides You're successful. sometimes you don't get paid if you don't get paid on the way home you stop at a daily work spot shit out better now it's like yeah yeah yeah you also you also learn how to communicate way better Yeah. damn yeah so that eats like the way like when you do a tv set and you forget one part of the joke

2:27:14 to appreciate the one even if they were successful Yeah. Move on. New shit. Oh, I got to do more. Or treading on stuff that, I don't know if you should go there. And there's just rocks coming and you're going left, right, paddle. in that no you're not four anymore. there's only certain friends that understand how or which way you're trying to go with the bit,

2:30:12 Like, he's really breaking shit down. in the parking lot i've never had the courage to do it i've never had the courage to perform argument material in front in front of in front of somebody i was dating never done it no it's explore Vietnam. where we won. Twitch level ninja shit, none in Vietnam. Of course, there's some video games in Vietnam. But as far as hit, popular, Twitch-level ninja shit, none in Vietnam.

2:32:17 And that being the thought. Fallen trees. Yeah, once I have the ideas together i so these actors are never honored they're never nominated for shit like a civil rights movie is If you're not an A-list actor and you're playing a racist, start writing and really start looking at all of these examples and i also have like it's in the it's inevitable that a white person

2:35:57 years i guarantee you i'll be able to find an oscillation between powerful civil rights movie and I'll go on stage Right. That's black belt level. And somewhere around 95, 96, black cinema became much more positive and reinforcing. in a negative light so But it's not necessarily Asian savior. But that's how you build all of it. defining it's too limiting but when i write in an open form then funny ideas are in there and i just

2:39:25 had to gain their confidence right that was the thing is like you had to start strong you had to and all these other fucking people that are going on that are murdering, They do their own shows only. I started writing things in essay form. Are they trying to exonerate themselves? I just like writing that way because I don't have to do anything. When you're talking about something, you're like, what the fuck was this guy thinking?

2:42:24 I start watching myself on mute perform. I've never done that. and then i can go back and listen to the audio go back and watch the video and see where i'm Is it looking this way than looking that way for the like almost borderline performative like on some acting shit but just looking and finding places but with sketch comics you have nowhere else to go so i try to keep that in mind in terms of just not being too big too soon

2:45:08 You have to find established comedians and listen to them talk about how they do it. early 2000s in the back half of the def jam era to be a black comic that wasn't talking about All right. Well, the only thing that was booking people on a regular was comic view. So BET's comic view became the path. But then I didn't get Comic View like two, three years in a row.

2:47:28 Comic View came on every night, though. And that's a shit ton of comedy. You're just a different delivery. Yeah, people appreciate it, for sure. at minimum it's different so he's challenging himself so i'm gonna try that so that's why i Ah! Like, whatever it is that made him, he found what it is. Pivoting. let it know let us know need some time. All right.