Joe Rogan Experience #1371 — Andrew Santino Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Two, one. I'm going to have this. I'm not gonna, man. No. It's my birthday in October, so I don't want to take it off. I got booze right over there. in Cleveland. We went over to say hi to We said, sure, we could eat. And then we get on a plane I'm not good I'm not doing good for a second and i woke up and i'm throwing up i mean i am hurling you woke up throwing up throwing

3:11 Dude for the first time in my life And then he saw You knocked it on the nose. I said, no, man. I said dude Without processing it Like, this is not. I'm like, did he have a stroke? Something's really going on People get People get food poisoning But he could tell Chugging water Fucking puking up water Wasn't a I've had it four or five times in my life

5:30 You're it's like a cartoon i had it in doctor was like would you eat i detailed and he goes oh yeah sometimes the butter can be spoiled The movie popcorn. Oily. Yeah yeah yeah Not meat Yeah It's like oils. Yeah. That's a good vegetable oil. It says, hold on a second. It's not doing that. It's on back. No, lehegumaglobin. The burger's key ingredient

8:26 I'm an editor. A rat feeding study commissioned by the manufacturer As well as possible signs of anemia But that stuff isn't You can eat healthy on a plant based diet Oh no, that's okay Cholesterol and it's entirely dependent upon how you're eating, understand like fats are important your body fucking needs them they're good for your brain Lower fat

11:37 1% milk Yeah, it tastes like shit without the fat. Find out. That's the thing. I don't think they're even bothering. I had a friend that worked at a fast food restaurant, I'm not going to name it. But then But CNN had it Yeah. of people that can't throw baseballs on the first pitch. Well, your stomach? Ooh, these are... and i made fun of them you should pull up the image for it because they fucking they have a

14:50 That's what I said dude These guys are dicks They booed the president. is pro-impeachment but with his breaking of the constitution i'm so exhausted i wish there was no issues This is what I wish Fox News poll Who says who? They both got banned from Major League Baseball for life Good for them. How many girls make a living just showing their body to, like, Patreon?

17:49 That I have to be real careful Dirty girls They're like go for it Instagram pulled it down. Would you show me? live streaming feature that's interesting see who could have a problem with that if you if you have Not at all. Well, there's nothing. Well, he doesn't like cuss words now, too. You think it's going to be like a Scientology-sized thing at some point?

20:13 And his clothes and all that shit Just got to show up with Yeezys You support all that shit so much. they you know somebody could argue this is a cult though you people could argue that you've This is a nation. Very very suspect thinking So they just are like Latch on to it Yeah. And you start this group too many uh but but i think like the influence online is what's creepy to me.

23:01 Like, meet me, and we're going to run a 5K. Positive things I don't want anybody Yeah I don't go Where is that, Jamie? Running Most of them Oh there's a Nike logo up there Now I'm not so excited It's a smart move This guy Yes, I heard about this guy. Then researchers found his body was producing alcohol. He wasn't downing beers or cocktails. ABS. That dude in the previous article was two and a half times the legal limit.

26:07 Really? when the average person becomes comatose know that functions? Bert Kreischer. Bert Kreischer He looks fucking great. Look at that On these pictures Yeah they do weird things they definitely do that no you look amazing nothing you could do about the side handles. It's not manipulated. Like, look, Bert would not do that. Well, they've got some beef now after the dosing episode.

28:32 Who the fuck laughs off getting dosed with Molly? Who would win that fight? Yeah, he's tall. And he just let it go for a while People think it's a spider bite He thought I was fucking with him. And then he was angry, and he had a really good point. Like Sometimes you clash shins You know what MRSA is version yes what's with staff that you find in hospitals unfortunately right because a lot of

31:16 Next thing you know she has this infection, doesn't know what it is. Since playing high school sports, you learn. From staph. She died. Everything was fuzzy. people fight on that sometimes they fight on antibiotics when they have staff because you're He fucking beat Chris Weidman Like forever Over his calf and shin Crabs? From like a high school From getting meningitis

34:19 Redheaded kid. he was a nice guy too man funny kid too and his career was just starting to take off this is like They brought it back. like i don't know if he had instruct you know not that he did but you know when people have Drinking beer, talking shit And then he died. He died from that? Fuck they all look so fucking sad did it get with it did the pay get worse it can't be good no it never

37:27 tough gig, it's extreme now. would use the bin that's above his head right I'm like don't you think I would if it was open like And then finally he pipes up, he goes, Hey, hey go fly another fucking airline it's not this guy's fucking fault and then this guy They're employees I'm barely here And the dude on the ground goes I was like dude that's cool that you said that

39:46 Because then he's my problem Then becomes a thing with me If he's that dumb If that says everything. Bald ponytail is such a choice. looked so was that real no it's Look, the guy is a fucking billionaire. It's like not his hair. Wait, why did he? It keeps disappearing. That's what I was telling you. He's the only guy on the team that could probably tell him that.

41:52 Oh, God. Yo, dog. cut, you know? He wants to be The Rock so fucking bad. Can't he be John Cena? look at fucking what's the guy in the fast and furious what who is it what's his name fin diesel super jeans, Hawaiian, gorgeous man. And John Cena, I'm sure he's a tough guy. Well, you know who's doing it though? He's great in those movies. Yeah. he the Stuber thing

44:44 I mean this is the script That I need to be Like everyone's in the room I was like What is going on dude maybe it was of the for the i mean for the studio that Just really really good And table reads are important Fucking made got the gig and didn't give a fuck does yeah it doesn't give a fuck that's a bummer i guess i Nobody went to see it Joker and one other film though

46:47 I told you this when we were in Detroit I was losing it. Like you hear things like out of nowhere. remember well there's a site that's dedicated to that called Overheard in LA. Overheard in LA? I know. What do we got? How much, are those writers, though, that are writing that kind of stuff? as soon as the rainy season was over the grass was going to grow really high because of all the

49:23 You know that stuff? Everywhere. We took my dog fucking camping. We're all having fun. I left my house at 8 o'clock. I had a recharge of It's like By the Fox Theater Yeah In the 80s it got restored I don't remember his name And then turned the Gilded woodwork He's like, hey, Mick, look at this shit. oh yeah, fucking yeah, this is was there and could hear the knocking apparently there's like knocking in the roof and he just

53:30 It was so loud. Yeah. It was amplifying. Of the people that are sitting over there Yeah Oh yeah They have one upstairs you know Bud, It is an old idea. Or in the OR rather? Is that the only club that still has a professional keyboardist? He plays the keyboard down there. It's that It's great Or recorded want to make the drive to come up to fucking LA, and there's nothing around there club-wise.

56:08 You'd move to La Jolla It's stunning But how crazy is that Not a ton of culture And then you cross the fucking border Do they really? Stan Hope told me a story about some lady in Thailand that could chew up bananas with her pussy and spit out chunks of it. Get it in there. Some girls just know how to squeeze it. When you feel the squeeze, it's awesome.

58:09 things yeah but a vagina is about as good as it gets like nature's designed so that you spooge Oh, oh, oh. And it freaked me the fuck out. Nothing came out? night and I did come but I was scared I don't know I was freaked out you know here pal yeah it's like when someone sells you an eighth of weed you're like hmm this looks a Holy shit, boys. They made all that fake weed pods or whatever.

1:00:58 for work but it's my job i mean it's uh my company so it's all right i go okay well what was what do Yeah he's like I had to get my head straight And you're like Like And cancer Or something like that Here in LA By a bud tender No my buddy just went The ambiance is gorgeous Then it's like this beautiful foliage on the outside. Even shit I don't like tastes better.

1:03:17 I've been like... But that's got to I go, dude, these are weird about this. I'm not going to eat this shit anymore. No, instead I was just like. So sour things taste sweet. But I know about it for sure It's like the nut of a berry The composition of your Yeah. it. So then for appetizers, So for some people, it tastes dull. Or like numb It just tastes kind of

1:05:26 Yeah, see that? Makes it taste better? I love it But if it's too much of the with a blue cheese crumble on top. protection. But has that ever happened to you? Do they have to be right on top of it? Are more susceptible Well so Jamie has his Ridge wallet And his Maybe 20 bucks That he can't come to New York to get a passport? time i ever lost it my in ohio you could just go go back and get it right away so like i don't know

1:08:26 You do your fingerprints To the guy Oh Do you go out of the country? Come on. Global entry gives you free TSA pre. You got to go, everyone, if most states, I don't know actually, I don't know how many You need your passport for that. Let them do it. President Elizabeth Warren is going to bring you into a room Mayor Pete. And some woman left. Yeah. and you're also running for president?

1:11:15 And then in the meantime, What's up, dude? You're not even're not even here Eight hours out of the fucking week But even more president in the Democratic Party Wow. If that ain't about as ugly as you can get. Right? No. real clumsy with the way you talk about things right tell them you're going to take their guns with letters like letters all over his body this is like vegan feminist it's like writing all over

1:14:37 it must come from that the cult of the dead being covered with all the words that's right i don't why'd they do that so now it's not Because they don't want kids to say Elemento to get confused that those are not separate, That's the only thing I know. I see a bunch of older pictures of him from back then. Sam's wallpaper in his house. Instagram, Sam Trip Tripoli Beto.

1:16:23 She was banging a dude. doing that about a male come on it wouldn't no one would say that Uh uh You would never say that She's being emotionally abusive About her past You know there's video of her you're like, oh, bummer. I just asked him for it too That's not what I thought There look at that Naturist? But it looks exactly like him. I promise, man. You promise? It's him. I promise it's him. He's a. The old days, you could just say it's him. Yeah, what is it? Show a picture. I promise, man.

1:18:34 It's an ancient group that you could belong to. Someone else? You hang out Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. But it was really just to become controlled opposition. yeah yeah yeah i didn't know oh yeah yeah yeah controlled opposition the thing is when people Foreign publication I have no idea Is Andrew Santino gay I'd be a power bottom Yeah You know those guys

1:21:16 Look at you and D'Elia. Hilarious. At least you're not controlled opposition I've been I've been fucking fascinated by these videos. But I mean, these guys in the park is what I'm talking about. I didn't know it was prison workouts in the park. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the fucking feats of strength that they do where they'll do a chin-up, keep their legs extended.

1:23:24 body like that like who wouldn't be happy with a body like that It's just a lot of push ups, sit ups and pull ups right at this fucking back build on guy. Look at his muscle pull ups. This is going to be great for the internet. man. He's dying at of your chest the top of your chest i think there's a lot of genetics involved there too Some people can work out a lot and still never be able to do a fucking muscle-up.

1:25:52 I told him not to fuck with it. You ate shit? I had my camera in my hand. What did you hurt the most? Down in my left leg and hip You keep too many business cards And after a while it bulges That's from when I was a kid I don't love wallets. What do you like? I just like No, I'm still fucking stupid. Oh, you were dealing with it before. Yeah, but they try to get it for you, right?

1:28:07 I'm going to drive it fun. I'm not the guy that pulls up... It's all finger going straight across from yourself. yourself out. It goes fast. miles an hour, like america fuck yeah china no it's not the pieces are it was probably compiled assembled in china Those hats are gonna be so fucking popular Tricky dick Yeah, just cause. But has this happened for any other president where this kind of thing had like did someone wear shirts

1:30:10 When was it great Name the great time It's not gonna get better than this about, there's never been a better time. I was talking about the cops the time because it's like they're like outside fucking it's all violence it's like it's not all you know so they knew that a they were going to get away with it and b how could you stop it's Do they organize online?

1:32:38 Yeah, yeah. but that just does not seem very presidential no that's what i'm saying his tick is off i think he thinks so it's just kind of like he has a bunch of yes men anyway well he's treating the presidency the Yeah. Mid-70s, yeah. What? Yeah, it looks... Who fucking let that... What kind of IT guy let that thing be so goddamn sloppy? They all watch

1:34:52 They're making jokes of it now Checking down some guy The whole like You can be like cute saying that he lost like his discs are all gone Yeah. I know. Yeah, you see like in-shape dudes trying it online and they're struggling. He's in fucking tremendous shape. I don't want to do hot. It's the best way to do it That mimic what's like being in a sauna

1:37:10 He doesn't even work out. He takes acid every day. Ari's a dosist. It was a lapse in judgment that he has since apologized for. Come on. Or smoke him. How well do you play? I'm going to eat shit. That's fine I can play 21 I know. Put up that coin No Whatever's left, I'll give to the waiter. Where do we do it, though? I do want to do a pool show Who's the best that you've played? Artie Lang Art. He's good at pool, right? Yeah, Fitzsimmons can play.

1:39:58 He doesn't have, like, so some guys are good at pocketing balls, right? Right. Like a legit B-level player. And Artie's around that same level? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it naturally will be. It could be funny Here's one thing to shit on you. Oh, Jeanette Lee. but she's had some severe, against you and like in a short period of time it takes a long time i know i just was like could

1:42:13 You would love golf. You guys go anywhere, you'd be, like, running out of time. And I would fucking love golf. I feel like it would be two rounds before every show. You guys go anywhere, but like running out of time. I know. Not interested. No you would take You get in that cart I suck With handguns A little bit I can't You're in nature. Fuck it. You can't bail pussy

1:44:15 Test your will I like ice better Would you rather live in Alaska all year round or by the equator all year round? I lived there Yeah it's beautiful My hotel stay I want it freezing baby Oh you're mad all the time Puking on a fucking plane. No, why? Oh, they have good clubs Yeah That way you don't have to worry about it Well, dude FedEx does ship sticks and all this stuff They Shitty courses have, but I'm not playing any, I'm playing nice courses. If I'm going to go and play somewhere. That's a good move.

1:46:17 Yeah. Fuck that Oh yeah but i suck anyway like i'm not a good skier you're not no is anybody in your family good yeah my kids She weighs 80 pounds Stay safe I love it Nope This is where I go Don't get? Nope Oh god it feels so fucking good I love it Don't get hurt It's just a It is And how dumb people are I came over this hill and i you and I like throw him

1:48:38 you little fucking bitch. any better, bro. I know, dude, but that's why I'm like, no one tells you, hey, you're not ready for a green. Here's how you know. Maybe. their acl broke it already broke his wrist one year and the year before that he broke his ankle Like midday drinking up at the top of the mountain. no one stops you nope no one stops you from that no one stops you from taking mushrooms my friend

1:50:57 Yeah, do you think it's a performance enhancing drug? I don't play basketball, but I would imagine it's similar to pool in that it's a feel thing. But I think you could be just as focused without it, but for certain people, it enhances your focus. I understand Really? I don't It's the best. Your balance feels good. fight you i don't like it i don't like it did you eat shit no i didn't but i this is my worry

1:53:31 died i'd be like how many people have died from lighting they'd be like joe there's a fight going I can be a little high, Writing, not my favorite show. yes. it's almost like a win-win. All of it is in the mood of fun. yeah, yeah, yeah. And people are there for it. performing, fuck that. How about when you're doing really coming up with like right shit that you you're it's still in the moment of fun all of it is in the mood yeah yeah and when you're in the main room performing how about when you're

1:55:02 was so high i barely knew what I was talking about. and then the fight companions didn't get numbers. but we talked about doing it and Jamie and I talked about this too, We'd hire a driver And it works so much better And then upload it And then whatever Well you can get those Throw to a screen connection and i think uh chuck uh our audio guy was telling us that um we can they can combine

1:57:28 Yeah, there's companies to the most, working the best but if we you get cell phone you'd be able to. Like Tommy Segura, he's taking private jets all over the place. Burt Kreischer's making You got a fucking theater tour You wanna do the comedy store with me? Brian Callen's doing it with us Small theater tour man What are you doing? There's a theater up there

1:59:15 Portland I've got a couple of dates Did this for me And pleasures Yes.