Joe Rogan Experience #1390 — Tim Dillon Transcript

Transcript

0:00 three two one ladies and gentlemen the president of the megan kelly fan no She did, and I yo-yo with her. public figure and she behaves sometimes in a in a ridiculous way she called herself a self-made Absolutely. You let me talk. that are battling out all the things. Yes. It's a little wacky. Yeah, she's like one of them hot Fox News fembot type characters.

3:12 And then they would get on What the hell Like, there would be no clips or anything. They would just give you a card And by the way, who are on Instagram Who are really right wing with Ann Coulter. Lauren Southern. Yeah. And one of the girls from Black Lives Matter. something recently where some white woman who was a professor accused her of saying something racist and she shut that lady down so

6:34 She shut him down, too. Everything's, they wake up. Knuckles up knuckles up they get on twitter like i could never So she's doing the right thing. You're pretending to be her. Did you check every day? is with all the new YouTube rules, where I pretended to be the agent of the Climate Girl, It's on my YouTube channel. Well, she's like, how old is she?

8:35 And I'm like, well, why are we starting there? She tried to kill them. They'll never do one thing. I don't think she's technically a midget. ari and i both got duped i got duped because my friend texted me to go there's a pedophile midget they're like, I'm going to kill the family. It's a horror movie. It's rough. former Soviet Union. Yeah, it's fine.

11:27 Remember when we all went to Disney World? And see her like standing at the door I'm trying to find I'm trying to find I saw a like? Do they have an image of her? Yeah. comedy and i always thought that like It's not like a regular She might even be 30. They thought it was a little kid. Yeah. I think some people think as old as 30. She had adult teeth.

13:40 Look at this. They do a bone density test and the the Barnett's application so she could receive psychiatric treatment as an adult. Oh, is that the parent? So Christine's the one that... Yeah. They got arrested for abandoning her in that apartment. An affidavit of probable cause from 2014 provided by Refinery29 refers to tests performed by was living on her own, and a

16:43 couple, the court upheld the original result, which Her age remains a subject of much debate. I would have someone in the room with a gun No I have real kids Yeah Drink a little bit She's got a bush. Death threats. Chucky was really... I don't know about that, but I... people's kids. He was going after me. Well, it's natural, though. Look, I understand people that are sitting in a job somewhere, sitting in a cubicle,

19:25 Me too. But I would rather give them that. Right. Everybody would have. And a lot of it is just, it's fun. Sometimes I'll just respond to somebody and they did write it but they don't really know me right and their thought and a lot of it is just it's fun sometimes i'll just respond to somebody and they'll go hey and they'll Yeah. To just say something gross

21:13 And we'll be like Yes it's fun to shit on you. That's my favorite comment. Otto had a puppet named George, his lips are moving. Everyone's having a great time. are wrong. By his mouth, you see but I was just in a club this past weekend And I'm like, yeah. People are used to expressing themselves. Yay, we got you. a soul they don't care so eventually it's going to swing back the other way oh yeah because money

25:17 It was so dumb. And that one thing, by the way, is extremely insulting and fucking stupid and archaic. to you right yeah this is not how it works you don't just show up to get an interview you schedule Stop doing that. No one wants Well, people like to be associated with someone who's cool. Yeah. get a picture with josh homie from queens of the stone age it's

27:11 Yeah. I think after a while, it becomes just a routine job. Right. It's enough already. I think it was. Yeah, my kids were real young and I was like, I need like... Yeah, I have to make a lot of money. You're like, this is crazy. That was it. Okay. So you got these keys, and you're working these keys, and the idea is the first person to get the key lock open, right?

30:46 And I would just joke, that are putting themselves I would have let you We'll all do it now is Michael Yeo. He's a comedian now. Very smart. an hour, and they were like, yeah, this is not. And I was just like, a hot spot is when I try to get into it, So then we just tried to work around it a bunch of different ways, we don't want that goofy Paula Deen

32:52 So I said, this woman's going to explode on set. They think they're profound, but in reality, they're just making fucking grilled cheese, Bourdain, with Kitchen Confidential, he changed what a chef is. And then they would start talking about hummus. thinking that he was going to try to replace bourdain right but if he stays in his wheelhouse what is the new show

34:40 it would be fucked You're just having dinner. We're learning about the culture through dining. You have armed guards flanking you on each side. And there were fun audiences and everything. They, and you felt horrible because you were just on a boat that had 30 chefs. Yeah. And you just ride the golf carts around the resort, right? it with guy with a machine gun standing on top of the fucking tank like in like a turret right

37:35 They were sitting there ready and waiting. Like all these fucking- No. Every now and then, something bad, Mormon family in Mexico. What happened? No. Not missionaries. You're on a horse. was born in mexico they seem like the least mexican people ever they're mormons wow but cartel and them had beef I think there was an article that people said was kind of like victim blaming, where the New York Times ran it, where this family had a violent history.

39:53 They killed Baghdadi and they said there was a Washington Post called him an astute religious that we're who's this division two we can't live in the psychic terror of ISIS forever. I'm sure that CIA wasn't doing that. Well, there was – I wanted to bring this up with you because this is a conspiracy that I just remembered while we were talking about this.

41:45 I'm trying to think. I don't think it was the Talibaniban i think he was in daniel pearl i think was in iraq right They were like, the hands are too big. A lot of different photos of Bin Laden popped up. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, I think. Like, yeah. like kennedy like right let's think if someone took over after trump and this guy was trying to And so then the military's after him.

44:29 Yeah. The fucking Motley Crue song? That's when being president was a great job. Well, they all were on it. That's how they fucking got the partyick. Dr. Phil Goodick. Yeah, good. And it was Kennedy's doctor? Yes. Wow. Yes. That's when being president was a great job. Yeah, it's true. He's got a little piece of something. But I i like seeing him i like seeing him you know when

45:45 South Dakota has a problem. Meth, we're on it. you got your kids The guards. Here's why that's good. I mean, this is clearly, obviously, sexual blackmail. you could say whatever it is but he's just a career his job is to protect the interest of They didn't just murk him. I think they got it. Because that's an interesting thing. You tie the knot stronger.

49:07 italian guy coked out giant muscles yeah killed a bunch of fucking people and sold drugs just he's the guy who killed him. here forever you like killing people i think they gotta watch the i don't know if they can do this Yeah, she was in LA at an In-N-Out burger with a fucking book. No, no, no, no. She was trying to release a message. Acosta. I think you can see

51:18 They photoshopped. She's got an old iPhone, so she's struggling a little bit financially. just figured look these 15 16 year olds they're going to keep their mouth shut i mean we're A hundred percent. they're like how could a guy like and maybe were in this similar stuff or whatever Yeah. I think he is. He's got something. A lot of people now, for whatever reason, it's becoming more and more obvious.

54:31 How sad. He's like, I don't know. And I've been telling people, I haven't flown with my mom 26 times. They're going to find home video of Tony with Joker costume on. He is a lot of mean. Anger. I'm like three times the size. Oh, this is the girl? Yeah, Phil. They say you scam them, and she says it's not true at all. McGraw asks the family. We're supposed to help, the family says, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

57:39 I just looked at it quickly. You're an animal. left me for a competitor and you haven't heard her Nobody gives a shit about landmines anymore. I got the Covington kids and Nathan Phillips on a reconciliation tour opening for Lizzo. People are turning in their guns and crying to him. Right now. and he just fucking goes, man. I got him at the World Bank in three weeks.

1:00:14 Well, that's who I want to be. But the reality is I think that YouTube seems like they're done with small creators. Send positive comments only. I mean, so we do these videos. 18,000 subscribers? My pleasure. telling you what to do. I only fuck daddy yeah they're not gonna you've played it people are like And I thought it'd be funny to shoot a promo where I show up at dressed as her and just sit in the audience of The View.

1:02:25 the fuck out of you that would be great is she down for it is she cool this is how they tortured That was heavy. Right. I mean, he would go on TV and call her a loser. She was like, you've called women pigs, this, that, and the other thing. He knows how to be funny. i get that they were tone deaf but when you watch it in context it's weird that she lost her job

1:04:56 she knew she was kind of doing the wrong thing she was sitting in the makeup chair she just had You don't have to do shit ever again for the rest of your life. much money as Bill O'Reilly o'reilly bill o'reilly's voice was bellowing through the house oh yeah because this was a $32 million Didn't he get caught leaving crazy messages on some gal's voicemail?

1:06:55 you made a few mistakes at work all these people don't understand that a man needs to get some And some of them were more wacky than other ones. Well, the other thing is, like, you've got to remember, if any evidence becomes public by calling the evidence counterfeit or forgeries. You don't need to work, yeah. That's crazy. Zero, zero, zero. Yes. Just excommunicate her and let the woman that gave me children

1:09:35 there's a lot of NDAs, which there should have been back He likes an old woman he can beat. Didn't we find this out that his videos have, like, fucking hundreds of millions of views I don't say anything so outrageous other than this episode where I could get yanked off the air. the fucking name is. I think I think they'll all go. Logan Paul started a podcast.

1:12:03 I think the cat's out of the bag. They've cut out PayPal. platform. I agree, and also Right. Yes. Lauren Hill, same thing. Doesn't care. That's what I think. if like the shadow banning and stuff is because I just made Gary Vaynerchuk mad I don't know. tweets he tweets like kindness is delicious come on what are we doing he puts out a little too much

1:15:05 Right, but he's got to send the message out there as if everyone can be. So in the same way that he has a message, I a message my message is you're not it's not gonna happen Execute what? I'm kidding. No. It's fine. I don't know. It's probably on YouTube. sometimes happens is that you know you know people can you like david hogg tweeted the other day he

1:17:42 It's like, cut this shit out. I'm thrilled he's back. A guy did a review of him. No one even knows what he did. Okay, play this. Thank you, Twitter. This is for adults. I learned the most important word ever. But I highly recommend Were to watch the New York Jets What about the word jug? It's stupid. Gary, we love you. 13. Are you guys talking about Megyn McKellie?

1:20:49 Yeah, she said she didn't even do it. Right. There's lots of things they mark stuff for. yeah they just want access to people they just want to interview like will and kate they're like and have more views than the nightly news we that means we're losing power and we're losing control underage girls it has all the equations it has illegal sexual activity with underage girls on

1:23:46 one of the things the provisions was to not name any co-conspirators so that first deal was like But they're going up against a wall of people that don't want to get to the bottom of this. Well, because it was all over. They were like, this is kind of what you said was going to happen, and it fucking happened. What does that mean? No. He shot himself.

1:25:55 After Oklahoma City, there was a cop named Terrence Yeekey, and he started to investigate what had happened because he just wasn't, he didn't think it was just one guy. A day later or two days later, It flew out of the car, and if any of that in America be saying and he was only supposed to be there for a short period of time he heard them say a lot of shit that

1:27:54 Beloved by the troops. They think everything's just five guys in a room. And that guy clearly... jokes of course yeah 100 i mean what did he i don't remember what he said that was so awful him he gave him his rank back okay so he was his rank was stripped and that would have cost him a It said like he looked intimidated in front of brass or something like that. That Obama did?

1:30:54 Here's the guy who's going to run his fucking war, but he didn't seem very engaged. And Obama had no experience with that. There's no fucking way you could be on top of everything. And he probably, even though it didn't work out so well, I mean, what the fuck do you tell a guy like McChrystal who's running this war? No. You bring the guy in. I mean, he's only in his 40s.

1:32:50 The greatest army the world's ever known I would have brought him in crystal and go let's kill him together if that's it if that's it jesus christ imagine that getting Joe, people want it. If one guy says the other guy looked intimidated about something to his wife and you hear about it. engage you angry this is how I felt. the way I said it Get the fuck out of the fucking.

1:34:50 veteran the cold war a clown who uh remains stuck in 1985 but listen this is what guys do here's Yeah. Fucking missiles are flying over his head. It's amazing that's all he does. every now and then you fuck up absolutely that's just part of being a man there's that this I could never imagine. Nobody can do it. It's like we've had, you know, it's basically we're just trying to land the plane or we're

1:37:13 Yeah, for sure. is in five years, And he's a smart guy and he gets what's happening. of ai no one really once it goes once it goes live i'm so scared of it i really think that we are with the last human Right. We didn't evolve in your head or something basic understanding of what's bad and good Had I got bit by a spider Like every other thing That's it.

1:39:55 So this thing we made That's a good question. They're done. 100%. The algorithm now is, the gatekeepers are done, they're done, So that's AI already how to make the most money possible. Imagine if it got like, if it got like extra money for us beating the fuck out of each Oh, well, I mean, why not right now? Or something about climate change. Yes. showing you those ads

1:41:53 for that hotel so negativity So that's most of the recommendations that I get. there's money in that right is? Is that what it is? she has a few glasses of wine and percocet and she goes in and you know you know somebody's good here's Nancy Pelosi's address I had somebody That believe this No, it's nonsense. He's right about a lot of stuff. Alex told me he is 90 days clean.

1:44:46 Yeah, I would love to do it, and I want to go on there. It's a great town. No, Texas would fuck San Francisco. Austin's fun because they laugh at themselves. people. Barbecue restaurants where you got to wait nine hours to get in. I guess, right? He's getting his name out there i'm sure everything will be okay it's just what a it's what a sick fucking reality it's a sick

1:47:27 Because you're like, hey, how are you? That is interesting. obama was a man he's like he's like these these guys are on the road i'm not going down eddie Now, let's Google how many slaves were there in 1864. Well, if they have the world, they'll be great if you find them worldwide. cities and shit. Okay, here it goes. Yeah. Who knows? They're probably, listen, they're a corporation. They probably looked at themselves and said, we want to expand into more liberal cities

1:49:33 That's the whole population. In 1860, the census counted 31 million people in the united states right right talk about like you know racism being over it's like this was a massive thing and it didn't stop at Yeah. That's how I sound. How Tulsi Gabbard's feud with Clinton helped extend her time in the spotlight. Mainstream outlets don't really fuck with Sanders. But no they're not going to and they're not going

1:52:10 I really am. Did you hear that there were, it turns out probably false, It's like he actually addressed it. Wait, who came out and said it said he didn't have a heart attack it's like he actually addressed And still wanting the job of being the president. I can't get on board with that. These guys are freaking out to have that many people that many people

1:54:02 is a fucking war. it i'm gonna fucking nail it i got a plan It's not designed for 320 million people. What's going to happen to places like LA and New like mega cities what's going to happen and unrest Andrew Yang stuff It doesn't matter what Ocasio-Cortez tweets or Trump tweets. And she's painted orange with white face paint and she's clapping. where they're at the rally and they start talking about eating the babies that's amazing where aoc

1:56:57 I love that. So good. I love it. but why wouldn't they just say true? It might be. Okay. Yeah, why not? But it seemed like there's no way someone really would want to eat babies. I saw it, but I was trying to find it again. I like her. She's a silly girl. yeah you need extremes yeah that's perfect Dude, in 10 years? He's disciplined. may come from the internet. They may be

2:00:30 The thing that happened when he hit him when he was down, that two-point thing that he Bad idea? I don't know which one boxes better. So he was working with Logan Paul. He's an athlete. They're both athletes. and if you start landing you start hurting the guy you guys start hurting the guy with punches that when you're under duress, you have to keep your calm

2:02:53 You still have power. He's figuring you out. He's finding the holes. He's popping level. The reason why it's so fun to watch Because, yeah. Yeah, in the Staples Center. hurts when you get in there all that stuff that they're dealing with when they go in there is like And you're like, fuck, I wish I could do that show again. You got clipped. Part of it is the spectacle.

2:05:26 me and Chelsea we'll fight over that white privilege I don't think they're allowed. You know, Out of nowhere. Is he sober? He's in a war zone. and he I know well somebody was on a That's a real sociopath. I'm sure no one's laundering money. A lot of people. Ja Rule many people? A lot of people. was like the Iraq war, you know? I was squirming in my seat.

2:08:26 How did he get dismissed? That dude lied to him. Yeah. do an island have people fly in and I'm gonna feed them bologna sandwiches on You're just going to be like, what is happening? Is it one of those where by the end you can't feel bad for the people? I grew up in a pretty nice neighborhood. I didn't know what it meant. All his cassettes. read them like four or five times and pick it up read it for 10 minutes i'm like what am i doing

2:10:52 A lot of people come to LA looking for something to fill a void in a life. taken in by spiritual people taken in by kooks she just put that yeah aura out there that well That the Native all different parts of the country san francisco florida b, but I never got roped into any religion or any It's interesting. of experience when they're younger too you ever talked to metzger yeah i mean kurt was uh was a

2:13:34 So me and him always talk about that. where you walk in with with a certain amount of confidence and you know all of those hack lines So let's just, you know, people are going to laugh at me. really good at it and then you either innovate or you really find what you're doing but even like It's hard to know when a good salesman can turn it on and not.

2:15:43 And then whoever speaks first kind of loses. Yeah, you can't. Right. Yeah. Oh, my God. The convertible. Yeah. Look at it. One button. Look I see you in this car. I see you in this car, Tim Dillon. The sky's overhead. I tried to sell copiers mortgages were all just like okay well yeah this like especially as you get older like me um and you bits, you know, and adding to them and

2:18:30 stay on it and then know like okay i think i got something here you gotta know like what do you It's a different thing, too. that I thought was funny, and if it's just not in the moment, hands up, and punch comes this way. You gotta learn how to catch things and move. You gotta learn how to counter. Nobody can teach you. to do it. Someone can teach you how to box. That's true. A guy can teach you how to keep your hands up. Yeah.

2:20:02 social media driven, do you think that we're in the last era of like that traditional type of stand-up where a lot of people still it's like martial arts you know if you're a reasonably funny person and you start doing it and you put the time in you put the time in you know if you're a reasonably funny person and I look back at those days. Yeah. explosions and you know it's like it's the bombs and busts and the whole thing. Dude, I got so lucky.

2:22:16 comedy clubs on one block there was nick's comedy stopped and there was a comedy connection on the i went to an open mic night but i had friends that had talked me into doing it okay guys that i Right. And I would always make fun of things. And everybody would be laughing. And so what's the first open mic night that you walk into? I can't remember the name of the other place, but the other place that was next to it that

2:24:37 Wow. It's terrible. Got a couple of ha ha. It's tough. You'll see a young guy Some other people That I went to high school with Were there And it was terrible It was terrible But they went to see me Every now and then It can happen One thing I did make a decision Because this is like right when I started legally drinking. Yeah. Dude, I had fought so many times.

2:26:29 But once I did it once, it alleviated a lot of that. Like, immediately. But, dude, it felt real. It felt like a voice was telling me, don't be a pussy so come on stupid so i was probably talking to myself right inside my head but dude it felt real yeah it felt like a voice was telling me uh don't be a pussy this is what out right so I'm in this position where he's like I'm not sure if we're going to be able to get you up.

2:28:00 And I hung in there and then he came up to me and goes, hey, I'm going to be able to get you up. environments with amateurs, would stop by those open mic nights You got to see that and you're like, holy shit, like you can get to this level? And you say, oh, okay, I get how he's doing it. Everybody's got their own style. sets like that nobody was in the

2:30:03 I was not after him I'll sit in the back. Yeah. He was loose as fuck. And when I say ate shit, I pulled it ate shit in Rascals going on after him he was loose as fuck very good and I was stiff yeah I just didn't know definitely strangle you uh like a shitty comic for like 15 20 minutes and then they're going to give people a shitty comic for 15, 20 minutes, and then they're going

2:31:42 Yeah. They fucking concentrate. Yeah, small minority. It's a tiny fraction of people that go from open mic nights to headlining at the improv. in a way that was going to lead him eventually to the exit door i think sometimes that just and you're already so fucking barely hanging on. The other side. a schlubby loser don't move to New York or LA keeping up with people's expectations

2:34:10 Yeah, or turn on them. They come to get you. And Warner Brothers is really interested in it. Sometimes. I did great. but it was still fine. and then you started acting like in depth like at the laugh factory you know phone calls at one o'clock in the morning like people Crazy. not a bad person she's not a bad person she's a person who was hit by a fucking car yeah when

2:37:39 And then the next day be like, hey, self-care is important. the people that went after roseanne that when people see you limping man they start kicking you Last one was at the Conor McGregor fight And I'm still broadcasting with each other sometimes things go haywire of being alone you'd rather be in the chaos with others have you ever talked to jamie kilstein

2:39:49 this is what I was doing. and call someone a bigot and you get addicted to it. I don't think there's anything wrong No. She goes, you know, you let the kids on the phones too much. I just don't think that it, of course. Do you? He's going, I'm tired. Screen time. It fucks up your sleep when you're on. He's one of the greatest entertainers of our time.

2:42:04 Interesting. He sounds different but what i'm thinking is when i first saw like 9-11 road to tyranny was work boots on they have like fucking the same souls as like government issue work boots they're America. that all the agent provocateurs wound up going to a safe house to dye their hair pink And you just assumed that that was good. 100%. Fucking...

2:44:11 People really just want to be emotionally fed. it was a scandal out of Omaha, Nebraska, And there was a headline in the Washington Post and then people started dying. and then she was put blackmail being used by intelligence agencies. None of it's new. So these things have there and they were like i was just started giving them an impromptu tour of Dallas because they were like, is this where Kennedy got wet?

2:46:35 I wanted to do it with a Popeye's chicken sandwich and just write, you know, this is it's a weird thing to joke around it's i know but then you go to the school book depository and it Of course. So that's where he is, and that's the building up there. Find out how many yards Oswald had to shoot to hit Kennedy. action rifles fast as fuck. It was to me, it was the idea that that guy was killed immediately.

2:48:50 183 meters. I didn't know it was that much of a disparity. How does that work? You add one of the last numbers or some shit. It's huge. It was huge. But it's like 9-11. government like did it but that they we find out that there was a substantial cover-up you know we Great question. But there's a lot of things about that day where you look back at it and you go, this is just weird.

2:51:39 It looks like a controlled demolition. And one of the things that he found out was that the version of Tower 7 that most people Full version of Tower 7 collapsing I think so. Is there one video of a plane hitting the Pentagon? a plane hit the Pentagon. a thousand times worse I understand that technology was different. We got to see a video. that Rumsfeld was talking about on camera.

2:54:03 They're just doing press. Oh, my God. I feel like I read that, though. All the satellite dishes that were girls. Yeah, of course. She would. and stuff have demanded like a new investigation. And these are not crazy people. So many of them got cancer. I'm kidding. Dude, I think you live down there, man. I think she found the Lord. Okay. That's true.

2:57:26 Yeah. I saw her at Jones Beach live. She released a greatest hits album. Well, that's not a fun song, is gave me cancer well that's not a fun song is it when he was around donna post 9-, she would hang six sheets in her dressing room I mean, I don't know you would think Someone owns the rights to her song I think it's her manager, Scooter you're an artist, and I think...

2:59:53 It's a dirty game. Yeah, that's a dirty game. the thing is and he's like jumping around and his angels Nobody gets through. Not like that you don't. When you're gone, it'll just be, you know, God only knows who's going to step in. Yeah. My dad was a musician, but it didn't really work out that well. And you're like, Tommy, we're going on the road. Yeah.

3:02:04 Just handle yourself yourself not a All day. What? whatever else they're into it's like come on like uh like kamala harris start spreading the news yeah but no it's it's come it's it's all well, how am I supposed to... You're going to Yes. Yeah. I don't like hiking. I don't like the way the earth looks I went there once. I saw a coyote It might be you.

3:05:04 I was a great swimmer. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I do swim, but I got to tell you, I had a nightmare that you're just reminding don't kill people right when you're around seagulls you're like are you sure yeah never Because I'm not going to do like a jujitsu, like I'm not going to do something like that, Where would housewife boxing be? There's a spot on Sunset that Justin Bieber invested in.

3:07:03 She's a tough woman. She's very mean.'s not a gimme. She's a tough woman. So I kind of want a rematch. Thank you again I enjoyed it D-I-L-L-O-N I hope Chelsea Handler doesn't...