Joe Rogan Experience #1400 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Three, two, one, boom. My parents took me to see it, and we were in the audience i remember thinking how is there i mean i really didn't want to be a comic for another eight years but fuck that was crazy Dude, in 1981, this movie must have come out in 80 or 81, if I'm guessing correctly. This is how good this weed is. We just talked about it took me. We just talked about as a theater

2:46 the gangster one yeah those guys yeah i think that was live in the sunset strip yeah you know with Eddie Murphy when Eddie Murphy got in trouble with Jesus Christ. Ah, you son of a bitch yeah it was um one of the one of So he's doing this Cosby impression, then he does a Pryor impression. Great for everybody. Still looks fucking great. He would push it to the limit of who he is today.

5:49 Oh, my God. Yeah. he just opens up you know what what I was 22 it just just has a fucking epic right? made the falling star joke about? Hollywood Minute segment and he made a controversial joke about Eddie, because I guess Eddie had just left SNL or something like that. Dude, when I was hanging out with Phil Hartman, that was in the 80s. i think david spade was on way later.

8:24 Look, obviously, climate change is a real thing. Climate change is a real important thing. Let's just get that out of the way. losing their fucking mind i think so she's um wasn't she on a strike look obviously climate See, she caught this wave. it was william randolph hearst and his fucking newspaper company he didn't want to convert over Person of the year.

10:17 Person of the year. He gets this fancy hotel. And then Trump turns around all creepy, Home Alone 2 is like really well written. They put it together so well. chasing the guy and it makes sense because he runs into the lady taking tickets yes back when they Absolutely. It's Macaulay Culkin as a 40-year-old man trying to figure out what the fuck happened to him.

12:53 Just a very interesting little fella. man where he is now really nice guy really cool really fun to talk to recommended by kevin smith Right. He's a grown-up man of leisure. are all crossed wrong all your wires are all up. You grow up thinking that you're super duper important for no reason with no work at all. How is he not going to be crazy? he's a whole different different kind of person man yeah a kid who went to a normal high school

16:04 hundred million dollars out of it. all the normal stuff that you up you gotta be real careful with that there there were some tough I mean, the drugs, they just can't get. And they get crazy because they want to get it back. for a while constantly in these gossip papers everybody paying attention and Yeah. like your nose your face but the problem with that is like really young girls want to do that too. And some of them are hot the way they are.

19:49 talking to you they're like you got your nose that's not your nose yeah what's why does that butts at all though the more obnoxious the better i'm one of those guys i don't know what it is kardashian have set the bar so high what's that girl's name iz Izzy Azlegzia. What's her name? Iggy Azalea? Can we see some of that? Look at that, though. Big ass.

22:25 Not to me. Iggy. Looks like a human head underneath there That's Madonna you're You're looking at? I'm telling you Double D tits And she thinks she needs ease. Yeah. people find out what your opinions are yeah you'd have to go over an intercom and like a shopping Fuck up the incentive And it's just bots I was just going to bring that up. In some dummies, one out of 1,000 people click and follow that account.

26:33 about the libs or they're being paid to pretend to be uh progressive who thinks uh trans people This woman was on the podcast, this woman So they're basically just trying to get people to fight each other. Who's paying them? God damn it, these Dems, this is a coup. and everybody gets fired up. So they'll have black lesbians for socialism meet. The only way to go.

30:26 And they don't even know they're working for us. It's Trump all along. Because there's a dog and a human being How the fuck is that dude running as fast as that dog be fun. Put that in the VCR. It had to be How did they know how to do it right? but now you can do it. which one's which and the button at that point right then for the first time the good witch

33:47 Oh my God. Cue up that scene. All right, we'll wait. that at the time they recorded the album, VHS didn't exist. that would be psychotic it's just a crazy crazy coincidence it's the way i think it's the ultimate Jesus Christ. What do you think? I don't know. Yeah. million in canada and then nothing else over 250 aust Australia got close to a million. Close to a million.

36:39 Like 100,000? Yeah. Eagles greatest hits is number one. Yeah. Let's see. $10. The price to go to see them was $100. $100 in 1977 in 2019 money. to get that accurate thing. Currency rate. Yeah, yeah. I can't remember where I learned that they were the first band to um they had a deal to you and everybody from your city is gonna go to that city and you won't have you know a booming

40:13 Yeah, that's crazy. It costs $0.35. They'll put it in Hawaii. They fly everything, right? Meanwhile, if you want to buy a ticket, they want like, what do they get? It's probably not, right? I think they just fly it. They fly everything, right? Well, then there's the other thing, man, that's equally weird, is that people are allowed There's supposed to be laws about that, but like...

42:02 Who's got tickets? these companies have found a way to do it He'd make everyone pay for cash. fucking, like a They call it reselling now instead of scalping. Remember that? Tipper Gore sounds like she'd be a great rapper. Massachusetts recognizes the great Senator Tippa Gore. Like Tipper Gore. Bad lyrics. But no rappers had gone to jail. doing up to anything that might be like a little

45:25 everything seem super live even though sometimes i'll be watching a rerun but i'll just pretend What's up? next thing you know you have a camera in your face and i mean what are you gonna do Right. These are real people. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's going to be corrupt. a show that i was on i had to get furious at this uh production Hmm. I think they had red ink or red paint or, you know, fake blood.

49:39 what a coincidence i've been secretly having an affair with my brother's wife they're like oh my I used to be a cop. that on Springer I'm not sure though I mean some were so obnoxiously fake like these people break for running up on stage and stopping all the fights. You catch a gem of an episode. But we're watching the show, and this girl has this real slutty outfit on.

52:27 And the whole place is just... Those moments. you know the cameras set up for access for there and everything and it would have been more random She's huge. She's hypnotizing Tony. That was a long time ago. So was the South Park thing based on anyone in particular Oh, look at the charm band. One of the greatest entertainment franchises, whether it's sports, music, films.

55:52 even human they're just different thing their fucking heads aren't connected that show's so been around forever they've they put together a like that so he's trying to get fired so he had missed he hired mr slave to It becomes an adventure piece of him. It's hilarious. At the end, to win the slot off, he stuffs Britney Spears up his ass. was britney spears at the same time yeah they've done britney spears with the one with britney

59:55 that out there that just has no boundaries there's and comedy central just is smart enough as with Is that actually Muhammad? Now remind me. No, I remember him. yeah I don't get that touchy I don't get that that's some weird that's other side of the world Food there is amazing. But it's super interesting to see all the artwork they had. somehow or another they got it

1:03:46 1881. in 1881. I don't think so, but they have guards all over New York I don't remember. That's unbelievable. a 200 ton thing like that Oh my god, they brought out a ship. 32 horses brought it from the banks of the wow there you go that's weird it's weird they would just keep it there because again like if I'd want to see what Egypt was like when they were building the pyramids, like in the middle of construction when they were at their peak, when they were building the Great Pyramid of Giza.

1:07:22 knoll or would you be in the book depository? See, if you're in the book depository, then you know that Lee Harvey Oswald isn't there. to get in trouble for something that's not like a regular guy he was not a regular guy You could set someone up. And then what happened to Jack Ruby? Yeah, they were in the CIA, I read, or they thought they were. Supposedly he wanted to get rid of the NSA supposedly he wanted to get rid of um there was he wanted to do something about the federal

1:09:56 Yeah, I mean, all that wacky shit. about it he's talking about it. It's like Northern California. top, They perform occult rituals. What's that, Netflix? They have a gate, guarded gate, just fucking, They're dressed in these crazy hoods. There's not a real like Bilderberg meeting. when you're being lied to left and right by so many different things you can get real off on

1:13:20 you'd have to hear it too because it's like a booming loudspeaker. But see what you can see. Back it up a little bit. and mass It's very strange shit. Or is it a chicken and the egg? why wouldn't they invest in each other and uh you know of course they're all anybody about how we're gonna stop people from telling people? I know. Do you want in? ever say anything about us we'll

1:17:10 right now he's 35 gotta show your commitment yeah everybody bathes in oil first. Did you see the irishman hey 100%. Bootleggers. Yeah. They were illegal alcohol salesmen. They made a bunch of money selling alcohol illegally, just like a drug dealer does. Just trick a guy. dumb you're willing to you're gonna you're gonna lose the rest of your life because someone's telling you to go shoot Bobby Kennedy

1:20:38 because the hotel eventually shut down It's actually like a 20-minute speech. Even today, there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions. It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources No secret is revealed. Are you on Sam Tripoli's podcast this week? action he's foreshadowing everything have you seen the uh i watched on the plane the other day the

1:25:30 Incredible. I mean, I got these pudgy wrists and fucked up hands, but if I just... He went for it. impeach him and all this madness people are going crazy about this right this is like this is the And then, Halliburton like that i want to know when dick cheney was actually making money off of halibut i think How are you allowed to do this on television in front of everybody?

1:28:27 He was deeply, deeply deeply deeply connected but it was also bush didn't want to do any of that shit like you go ahead handle it so yeah Steve Carell destroys Donald Rumsfeld. blows up half the fucking building in the pentagon blows up a wall donald rumsfeld wait what the fuck did he just say not on foreign terrorists right but 48 billion Yeah, I think that's it.

1:31:38 think about we just saw with donald rumsfeld saying they couldn't find $2.3 trillion. What the hell? No. Yeah. It's 100. No, it's a million millions. So it's 2.3 million millions? the ground it didn't kill all the fine people that it was going towards want to cover it up start a war right i mean boom immediately everybody's freaking out they can't They just get free money.

1:35:50 They don't do shit. Come on. you know, I'm absolutely Wait a minute. Man, I can't spread that thin enough. Let's just. The thing I just found, which I was going off of, How much did they spend? trillion dollars wow which is a very convenient number after we lost 2.4 trillion dollars. Wow. Which is a very convenient number with googly eyes drawn on it.

1:39:06 and you guys play golf and shit You know, I'll tell you what, I got a deal for you. that we would stop doing that. ISIS building up. yeah remember he said he tried to pull some troops out and they wouldn't let them? Oh, that's right. Trump said that. The place went crazy. They never want to leave. that's the thing with trump nobody ever talks about i feel like is it's like we've been pretty

1:42:15 Maybe they know things too. talking about like in afghanistan in particular the afghanis are working with the soldiers against these terrorist organizations like there's afghanis that are helping u.s soldiers it's not is and how devoted people are and you can't question any of it it's the most with someone who's doing horrific things these people that you know end up committing to these

1:45:16 Some kid, he's got an Xbox control in his hand. innocent and because of the fact that a drone does it we're like what are we gonna do like we had a There's no way. We would put you in jail. public perception goes the other way that bad intel something else i've watched they came out and they're taught you can see it's a tundra people are free the soldiers are freezing i'm

1:48:03 cameras i think so i feel like they cranked them came over in 1888 yes came over in 1888 right it's probably older than that but They would run them off cliffs and stampedes. really eat all of them so they would just let them sit there and they would literally start There must be though, right? of a cliff. the time you're running to the cliff and you realize like oh my god this is a cliff you try

1:51:36 but they talk in the book about how they would shoot buffalo You have to literally go out, they were saying, So I'm going to give you millions of this fucking enormous animal that doesn't move when you shoot its friends. dude i think this is uh is this buffalo jump in um montana this one's in texas oh in texas yeah the rio grande near langtree texas the bison's plunge to their deaths on a rock pile at the

1:54:46 and the whatever it was when cortez came over here what was that was that the 1500s It has this whole paper that he wrote on it. but more likely it'd be a bison. seems like i i don't know maybe there's a good pause It seems like We killed everything Yeah. So they're just all over the place. thing in australia called scrub bulls and what it is is a domestic cattle like domestic cattle

1:57:49 See, that above me is from my friend Adam Greentree. In the real world, he would be dead as fuck. Yeah. She's like, man, I could do that with a bull. This last time we were there, for the first time, I actually went to a sanctuary, one of those places, And we went to take a picture of this thing. We call it a koala. That's all it eats. they probably have to eat them they have to stuff themselves with it yep and they're solid as a rock

2:01:01 serious situation i was scared scared. That's hilarious. Yeah, they're right now, because of a gigantic wildfire in Australia, My hand's on Jeremiah's hand. Oh, you guys are all handsy with each other. it say well this is one scene that see google koalas are functionally extinct i looked it up I did. I looked it up, and that's what popped up. Where are these ones coming from?

2:03:03 Because aren't these fires real recent? little bit that the article might not even be about. just have to get them to click it's like a salesman or a sales job or how often insane dude that is insane wow that's insane we're looking at most of manhattan and then a giant and looked at that little square, it wouldn't look as big. Not much we can do about it.

2:05:35 Right. So it's even worse this season. Dude. Wow. Yeah, and they were growing their own food and hunting what they can. to death in the cartoon wow yeah and they were They're 150 miles from the nearest city. Freezing cold and starving to death. They eat their mom? I want to look. You should really legitimately write for her and take her on the road.

2:08:50 I'm telling you, your mom is funny, man. I don't think she knows it, but episode 500 is coming fast. We're in the middle of it right now. fuck yeah man that was good yeah the crowd loves it if people are laughing It's amazing. least three yeah where you're just like holy shit luckily they're only doing 60 seconds and that's And the cooler the city, the louder that roar is.

2:11:40 Everybody laughs. But if they bomb, there's professional comics ready to talk shit about it. disease and was doing comedy for 20 years and now he's like as it does last time because now i don't want to feel bad for them and man smashing there he is comedy for 20 years he started in chicago at second city and uh i think he's only been doing I'm not giving any of it any justice.

2:14:30 She gets carried up by these people. Like a pretty, again, a pretty strong case of it. Hey, And you're so interesting that you get to show up at any kill tony and do a minute wherever it's when i get to finally come to the comedy store and you know show these motherfuckers what's up where they're sifting through everything to find talented people these are all guys that we were

2:17:10 Well, we started at the store. Internationally. The Newport Music Hall. We're doing the House of Blues in Cleveland. long time coming this like return to ohio and where are you playing uh the newport music hall Dude, it's a hub. I'm doing Boom Boom Mancini's podcast when I get to Youngstown. For real. Let me just tell you that you... He was doing Fox pay-per-view commentary real recently.

2:20:02 i was growing up there was it that's what you want Yeah. Today? There's super high-level boxers today, man. and that guys would just also fight harder. I don't know. why is there breaks? It goes on until somebody wins. and get a knockout in the eleventh or something like that. what a fascinating fight that is to me because people want to pretend colby can't fight i know right

2:24:12 And you can't say a goddamn thing to him because he's in a character. close fight but kamaru usman um, he's a tank of a man. And he beat him standing. He was scared. They get to Usman and be like, no, no, no. No. Look at his orange suit. And he might do it quick. And they still haven't done it in WWE. and he is the the guy that you thought of as the wrestler and robbie's the elite striker is a

2:28:13 I'm like, yeah, dude, exactly. He's like, they were going to cut him. Like, look, I got to do something. He trains with Cam Haynes. and you can't maintain that pace, and if you try to take him out everybody's pretending you know that oh that guy's a joke that guy's a joke that joke he's And the roars and the cheers and the hoopla and everything was every time he talked dude we had a good time just sitting there

2:31:25 and you please tell me you're following colby on instagram right of course i am oh the best almost sort of like McGregor-esque, right? He's fucking reading Donald Trump Jr.'s book. That's why the suit is so genius. daniels or jim carrey one of them has almost yeah close enough but they're gross that's the point Kamaru Usman is a nightmare for every fucking living human being that's 170 pounds.

2:34:30 I would say Colby Lands ridiculous strikes because you know Usman watched that fight for sure and I think camp now. Luke Rockhold was there. It's just a great fight. I feel like I know it, but I don't. um it's uh zhang weiling you have to say it backwards now for a while we're saying weili Do you think that's what it is? What kind of energy are you putting out there?

2:38:12 Absolutely. He's the greatest featherweight of all time. Yeah. He went to 35, son. I'm saying hanging around. he looks quite a bit thinner than he used before so he prepared for it over the long haul and got He was saying, I bet he took it because TJ got busted for EPO. and then he's getting down to 45. thicker than a snicker he's probably in that, he's probably in the high 50s.

2:41:36 But he's with Archuleta, Rampage, Raymond Daniels, who's a world champion kickboxer. And then you'll, what else is on the card amanda nunez is fighting germaine Yeah, I don't ever, I will never doubt Nunes. What a monster. Clarissa Shields is someone who trained a little bit with Cyborg. If she fought someone that was just a really good boxer She's like, nah, I'm good.

2:44:38 Nope. and I also thought they should have taken a point away from Durandamy I felt like Holly did more damage i feel like those two things those knockdowns were big significant moments in the fight and she never did that to holly and then on top of that are kind of even too much but there's also other good fights on that card marlon mirage jr jose Oh.

2:46:26 Both guys. Ben Saunders got a That's going to be chaos, too. When are you coming again? Maybe, right? with that guy they told me it was one of the weigh-ins Yeah, dude, if you come to the fights in April, I'll wear it on stage if we do shows. Phoenix was amazing. Woo! There's only two people that have Ioana's number. Streams every Monday.