Joe Rogan Experience #1400004 — Brendon Walsh Transcript

Transcript

0:00 through me doing stand-up. where I was like, When I was a little kid, I had to address it. There are some people, there are like some young girls who When they were hugging me, I felt like yeah they filmed the movie anchorman there's a scene in it from that movie so anyways you go This sounds a little fantastical. And then we walk. oh you saw this yeah oh okay and behind the behind the gate there was like you know like a big

3:36 Smoking weed and stuff like that. Yeah, and it closed in the 60s. I was working for a private investigator once, for whatever the fuck this town was. And that's as far as I got. animals are just you know even if you go to a nice zoo though does that not ever freak you out Like it was like it didn't look like a cage. I don't think they care to go hiking.

6:25 diego wild animal park is pretty dope and like the one animals that definitely seem happy are of a street. And this thing is just, whoo. That he told on this podcast it at the improv he's so funny man he's such a fun guy to be around man yeah i didn't realize Right, yeah, yeah. And then Harvey, the TMZ host, She's a nonsense person. and stuff your face with ringdings.

9:39 when there's so many dead babies. physically impossible. Yeah. Yeah I don't know how it works Maybe it would be uncomfortable. And it's fucking painful. Cats do that. Yipes uh dicks yeah if you ever see a cat dick it's Cat penis. No. and shoots his load this is horrendous nature's so goddamn vicious what a vicious fucking animal It's a wild world of fucking moving and killing things smaller than you.

12:19 Yeah. They like those fluffy cats that just give up. That's why I like a big tomcat with a Persian cat Did you make a joke about Armenians She said something. I called it. Cairo Parisian, dude who used to fight in the UFC. The heat. Yeah. I mean, I don't know circled around the car, and were like, hey, how's it going? And when I was growing up, I always thought culture was kind of bullshit.

15:48 that are living this is a totally different flavor a very unique flavor of its own you know it all awesome man yeah those guys are fucking but are they what about the kardashians though are armenians I don't want to speak for Armenian women, so I'm going to say. Just as like Max and Ruby is a cartoon that my kids love. All right? I'm looking at her face.

18:11 I've gotten to the point where I love Rick Perry. I like that he's there. just saw on the news i don't know what they were like debating each other and it's like who's A real clear message with politics over the last decade or so it's that whole thing works. Hey, I hear they're going to throw out the Oh, yeah. You haven't really researched this enough

20:41 and does all this creepy shit it's like the same sort of retard battle going on it's the same sort of weird control over some any of the mainstream ideas that Mitt Romney. And they were When Howard Dean said, yeah! I mean, it was manipulated. They would play something along these lines. body mike when he was yelling to a couple thousand people. never fucking give a direct,

23:39 Yeah. Great speaker. Got a little emotional. Good morals. Yeah. Get from Vermont. Brilliant man. You know? Brilliant man. Great speaker. It's amazing. some place that's brutally cold well it's the way it's it's so rural that you have everybody's got like a 45 foot kind studded snow tires and shit for a good five or six months. hasn't been fucked with. You know, because there's up there, though, man. It's one of the few places that hasn't been fucked with.

25:29 And it's almost... That's where Ben & Jerry comes from. Or do they fucking fake it and they're in Miami? They just want to be out there doing blow. I'm Jerry. certain days and Ronald McDonald would be there and you're like, holy shit. A cereal called Cookie Crisp? They're getting them before they even can read. They still make Boo-Berry and all that?

27:58 Frankenberry and, okay. Did you feel discriminated against? My folks wouldn't buy us the sugary stuff. like every now and then. We wanted to eat TV dinners So I didn't get to eat too many you're just getting seeds here eat these seeds they have a full full spectrum of albopoic acids. I mean, just for kind of like to see how it makes me feel I like eggs too.

30:21 going out and getting the stuff even though we're not killing it ourselves that makes sense we're still eating it you know we're still getting it you're eating It's like a natural association. I'm going to repeat what you said as fact to me. Sold. Yeah. I'm doing no further research. That freaks everybody out when you watch those chicken videos. is it even a million no it's not one 300. One in 300 people isn't a farmer.

32:33 I mean, there are states like Kansas. That's ridiculous. One person feeds 300 people. because it's one out of 300. You know, it's a lot of fucking food. That's nuts, man. It's on a much larger scale it's like yeah just It didn't really freak me out. they were talking you know like as the thing i mean everybody knows it enough that it's about all of a sudden you're tipping on the verge

36:40 If you make an observation, people don't eat dogs in Japan. Yeah, they eat dogs in Japan. That seems like such a bad idea. I go, you can get me crocodiles. No way. What? Yes, yes, yes yes yes he said how big's your tank it was like i don't remember how big it was but it was What if it was a setup? The fish in the gold pond are still alive. That's amazing.

39:26 figured out how to make like a sleeve they're the ones who first figured that shit out really to I always liked them. it's a weird thing. once the osbournes came out were you like fuck man now it's mainstream um not really i mean it's The key to appiness is appy knees. I was like, Ozzy rules, man. He did a lot of crazy shit. Well, there's that, but commercials, too.

42:23 I don't really pay attention. I think as we get older, we're more willing to take shit from crazy people that we like different world this is a different world yeah this is a stranger world you're people are getting is definitely something that wouldn't have happened 25 years ago. You have a guy that talented, too, who can, you know. Think about the crazy shit that dude did.

44:36 man. You can't. You're not going to have the kind Oh, he was a maniac. He just loved it. In the back of a police car? But she's a little girl. I don't think we've said enough. That's so funny. I don't know if he was a good president, man.uck in fucking cigars and bitches' pussies. That's so funny. Did you imagine? Was he, though? Was he? I don't know.

46:53 sense though this is just talking shit at uh 10 o'clock in the evening you know after being in How much say do you think you have? Even John Lennon, dude. there's no it doesn't seem like there's balance on the other side like why didn't nixon ever get but they went after Reagan I remember watching that on TV going, God damn, they shot that actor dude who's now the president.

49:25 It just shouldn't be legal that if you're a person who is a professional it was just like, talks about how would we respond if we were all on this earth facing a threat from another world like he wanted to make that you know that I guess because they're not. the strategic defense system Star Wars, that it was all bullshit, According to the Internet.

51:32 Next time I... If comedians started like if it's but that would be from this janitor. Could you imagine 22 kill themselves now? Like, there wouldn't be that many that had like crazy... Step back and do my Alex Jones voice. Could you imagine The guy that says he's from the future that was arrested at the collider last week. Was he just crazy or was he from the future?

54:04 Okay. Yeah. Huh? Keanu Reeves. It's not like they both have kind of Indian blood. Put it through their mail slot. Wow, that's pretty dope. Was that good? Yeah. And that was coming on HBO. and there's these kids it's weird like at one point and then all of a sudden he's like in this weird tooth fairy land all right billy jew billy crystal's old jew character is going to make an appearance or

58:00 I feel like I'm losing momentum Oh, it keeps moving, but there aren't a lot of dots connected. I'm going to be waiting for the hole. You're doing it down by your dick, and we're hearing it as if you're crackling right now. You're supposed to talk into it. Remember? Probably a new desk out there. night with the stuff that you and i were talking about yeah exciting it's great right yeah we want

1:00:08 God damn. It's only 185 people. It's only like 85 people. Al Magical came down and Ari went up. in different dynamic podcast directions. Yeah, we don't know whether or not that really is still his social security number, whether the wall yeah and we went there like the following day yeah we don't know identity yeah well that's what brian already did yeah he's trying to like can you do

1:02:21 There was a documentary on one small area. Mercedes back and forth. Really? Yeah. There's a lot of that going on, for sure. that can rip people off? You know? than if they stole one of my notebooks. What are you going to do about it? they do to me they're putting some of those dudes in jail though oh it's like well that's the other That would really lock everything down.

1:05:14 Everything was doing great in every day and from what i understand he's trying to fight being extradited he doesn't the feeling of being deceived or something along those lines. to release information unless would come up, what would the New York Times the hole on this whole Iraq war thing. get released through a real Would it be stolen information, so there would be illegal contraband or something along those lines?

1:08:06 I don't think so. Whoa, Orwell was a drag. In like the 40s. When I say dramatic cocksucker, I mean, you could argue that, you know, that screen You know? 2010 was the year they made contact, right? Oh, nothing. I mean, Space 1999, didn't they have battles? Those smart cars are pretty futuristic looking. did you ever see that documentary who Who Killed the Electric Car?

1:11:14 And then they just took them all and destroyed them. space 1999 in Wikipedia Oh, my God. They were only guessing in space. So these fucking people were They're all wearing their clothes from the same where it was like a thing where you just sat there and watched with the nostromo that was the fucking computer man they missed so badly but there's like now

1:14:08 And then iPads, the same thing. I went to a concert a couple weeks ago, I was typing an email today, and I was on the iPhone, It's so accurate. Yeah, but you sit there, and you just have access to pretty much any song ever. it connected to their Facebook, like a lot of your I would try it out. Yeah, but I think there's a way to also download the tracks.

1:16:19 I want it on my hard drive. connected to the internet to use it. I thought you were saying you can keep it in the cloud. I don't know what I'm talking about. radio anymore i just listen to my ipod yeah it connects to my car it's fucking it's it's amazing What kind of rock shit? Are you familiar with any of that? I bet this guy is some fucking crazy creepy weird genius dude they are

1:19:03 yeah like where'd this come from There's all this truth and pain Imagine trying to put that out today. And so this writer was complaining. was the Scorpions' Rock You Like a Hurricane, until I read the article. I did not inform you of this beforehand. I thought, oh, it was a fucking jam. Now, if he played Walking on Sunshine has won all these awards.

1:21:34 You never heard it before? that someone would complain about that. You push buttons. That's flattering, man. but it's not enough people are doing crazy shit. I enjoyed it. I mean, it was mean. Complaining about a dude coming out to rock you like a hurricane. Knowing what's right and what's wrong. There's a million other things a car wash called the handy j and i wrote the review like i was expecting a hand job at the

1:25:08 you didn't write anywhere again no I was like I that's before I even knew that you could do a and kind of saves websites Or 92 or whatever. Is it really? because they were fucking physical ailments spicy Pepsi Do you remember New Coke? Now it's just Coke Classic. They're like, all right, we give up. It's all kind of the same, isn't it? Smart people.

1:27:40 You just quit too, right? after montreal and so i was kind of on vacation, in that vacation mode, and was like, and I'll smoke. And either way, it just snowballed Other people are going to hear this, dude. so it's cigarettes my what i was trying to get at was like cigarettes are They relax though. I do lean more towards Every comic that I know that's really funny is impulsive.

1:30:04 Which are so awesome. Like, you're smoking a cigarette, they have camel crushes now so bad which Or you did like five, six. Yeah, double cancer. I don't need this. I was like, I'm done. I don't't smoke i read this book that helped a lot i mean granted i'm smoking again but because well but i mean under my circumstances though i and so you start getting cravings again after like a certain period.

1:31:59 Yeah. I think marijuana, you get hooked on the ritual of it. Of course, dude. Are you ever going to quit, or are you just going to run away? What's the pull? As a person who's never... You know what it's like? No, because you can sit there and you smell like cookies. Is it that good? and you light that bitch up and you suck it in, I think about it, like, I don't think about it when I'm doing it.

1:34:53 You just got to stop doing it. dinner no you see that's i'm not a uh i'm not a big daytime smoker oh i'm at night like i don't and I would do that with him. You know, I'm not crazy about that, What's the big deal? of like a kickstart it's amazing amazing nobody shit nobody ever talks about getting rid of And he's saying like, yeah, if like an alien life form was like looking down on us, they'd be like, wait, so this fucking thing kills, you know, like a million people a year and it's not illegal.

1:37:18 Well, there's two arguments. That's the other question. If they legalized fucking 10-year-olds, addict to this. who sell them. Is it less addictive? Do you notice the difference between the cigarette experience from the natural ones and the ones like the cool lights or something? thicker smoke. They last longer. It's so ridiculous. Like, how do you take your poison?

1:39:59 You can suck down two camels for one. They used to. What's the non-filter about? Your fucking tattoo of a howling cartoon dog. Like, yeah, it's just like, you know. Where I say I love roller derby. I have a friend from the message board that's in a roller derby thing. It's kind of a cool thing to have, a roller derby girl t-shirt. I work all day doing Fear Factor. I'm out in the fucking hot sun all day that shit cooks your brain you can

1:42:29 It's 11 p.m. Hell yeah, son. You're one of those guys that right now in my book of funny guys to watch, You dirty freaks. Yeah, we're going to be in Houston together. with Joey and Ari, October... You guys are awesome. of absolute deliciousness. And some of it is just plain cunty. off the number one sex toy buy his books.