Joe Rogan Experience #1404 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Brian Callen had his first taste of turmeric coffee. I didn't think there was an R. That's why as a kid, I had no inflammation in my body. That's good stuff, right? I told you. I don't know. and stuff like that. let's do it let's do it all right dude it's so good for you man it means something something's And then I, Those two things. Told me. He told me he eats once a day.

3:07 yeah but i think i get i get fucking skinny shakes your hand like this oh like it looks you in the it again. You can certainly get – look, there's some people out there that are in phenomenal shape working out like that. It's not fair, so fair, but my impression of every CrossFit athlete that I know is always like this. Yes. he was 280 and just a real athlete

5:43 Garage Mahal It's fucking amazing. I'm like, how much did you sleep? And insisted. I'm not going to lie to people. And all those guys, I don't think, get respected enough for how hard that job is to do. like kurt angle told me on set of warrior he told me that he got injured way more he's a gold So you have to duck. But it's a different thing. movies that the rock does i do too i feel like he could be a gigantic movie star i think he's a good

9:25 too fucking thick you're hitting two numbers jimmy pedro um he was working for fuji at the time and He was executing throws on him. He teaches now. Yeah. Goldberg knows all this shit already. I added an extra fuck and it ruined the whole sentence. be like like very tight and rigid and they can't move so good anymore yeah that's where diamond he's helped so many

11:39 I mean all those years through like a dynamic range right you know You're doing standing bow. That's him right there? Bam. He's got a bunch of videos of these guys, like that guy right there, and he had a separate house I had to have a in the show. You're going to have to wait. No, but I had to do that like 50 takes. this is true but many people have told me and this is like this long-standing thing that you know

14:44 They get headaches. ever watched like some old buster keaton films the stunts that that guy did back when they couldn't just a few he fell on saturday night live all the time he fell didn't he fall on fletch remember that And a guy who is a trainer walked by. tore my meniscus in a kicking contest with joe shilling i saw my pants on i'm a moron the amount of torque that's involved when you have that knee up and you turn in the corner

17:54 But I'll kick it roundhouse kick But a straight kick, so much of it is on the joint of the knee. he was like, my athletes don't get injured. There's no meathead shit. in a fight yeah yeah that's not natural yeah the uh tj dillashaw fight which happened you know And he is. How would Aldo do against Cejudo? even though he lost the decision to Marais.

20:52 I don't think we should be using this really blunt tool for fine work. harder particularly after the first round the first round uh marais has one of the very best And I've seen him do it to Jimmy Rivera. That's right. So, Marai's switch kick is like, If you wanted to model yourself after switch kick Yeah throw it right there Early in the first round

23:03 I've been caged K-Shot for that Well, the guy, I think the 35 Christ. Yes. Azerbaijan, Dagestan Yeah. See, Aldo still had his hand up there. That right there At 135 He's only 33 9 years He's either 32 or 33 He is not old No No problem with him fighting for the title. You know why? Because for nine years he was untouchable. Yeah. Nine years. Oh, yeah, for sure.

25:26 The first round is like a tricky one. going to get a 10-9 and then Did you like the Ruiz score less valuable in terms of like technique? as a switch kick that blasts somebody in regardless and sometimes that strike doesn't you know it doesn't do anything to you well you can You might get up eventually, but so far you're on the ground the control that you get in that position.

28:18 You get a point for that. Yeah. So this point stuff, it's great. You ever see his fight with Rick Story? Oh, I love Higan. I know he did. him so riled. I was like, I don't know, bro. I just kept going, I don't know. He lost his mind. it felt like he was like once the guy opened up Of course. It felt like once the guy opened up, he was like, oh, shit.

30:58 Yeah. But you watch this and you go, yeah, this is what you're supposed to do when you're a fucking professional. And I got to watch him warm up Yeah. So I did 225 for 12. I could have easily gone pop. Oh, it's so nasty. But Bert can, you ever see him swing a golf club? Really? I think they both already have scripts written yourself? I'll show you.

34:08 Like, he's the guy at the bar that pretends he can't play pool i mean i played a couple of times oh by the way he's selling those machine shirts machine you go buy those at your I have kept my most ridiculous moron tendencies at bay for most of my adult life. You'll kill yourself. I think I might fight Wesley Snipes. You looked like a fucking, I was training all the time.

35:45 That's what it was. My friend did that. now you had a record okay i had that workout for you not well at all some people read the your mind and admit that you probably you could be hopelessly wrong you could be completely wrong but also to always be able to justify with reason and with measured argument your most cherished possible you can't get you can't get stuck in your past because like mistakes that you made

39:12 But did you tell me the story about this dude who was like an older guy that was afraid to walk down a certain road because this other older guy who used to bully him in high school lived there? anything that makes me feel uncomfortable and and and takes me off my Did you see what Brittany Cummings It's okay. Because she said, Merry Christmas. Something that's very fucking important for people to realize about the west something

41:49 As a society, we are... Now it's a little bit more. There's a Hollywood thing where these people can't be liberal enough. Like, hey man, where were you when that fucking pig said Merry Christmas? Do you know what I think about a lot of those people? They're very smart, and they know they are, and you got to know when people are being kind and loving and you got to know when people are being assholes like you can see all the different

44:34 If we had to try, right? if you're somebody who has to figure out what your clientele actually will buy. that world of that intellectual pursuit and and they come right into then they see the world You need these historians. They're revolutionaries. And then you start going, that bitch said, Merry Christmas. Yeah. just like basically everybody does as they get older.

47:41 people ask me what I read and stuff. And that happened after World War II. Well, it wasn't just France, Germany, and England. But the European aspect of it, the European part of World War I and II, How big is that area? Yeah, two is everything, right? Dude, I'm on my third Wild West book in the last couple weeks. mountain men yeah bro rough dudes bro men just the the the wars with all the various tribes and

51:10 Eventually he finds him one day. Imagine you're a woman. He cut two fingers off his hand before he got to her. Cooked it. yeah i'm gonna eat his heart ate his heart you remember like when we used to have those uh So when people went into war in World War I, they were, I mean, they went in, every young man volunteered. And they didn't know. they would lose they lost something like 300 000 men in a day and that's what was going on

54:40 time of imperialism when the country that was bigger and stronger the austro-hungarian empire And that was the area where they would come in. and then people would have to go to the bathroom there, dad is a holocaust survivor yep yeah ari shafir's dad yeah is a fucking holocaust survivor you know That's what I mean. with human beings in power. there's one record of the German physician saying, characterizing Hitler as follows.

58:12 you know what i like what these guys are saying yeah so he joined yes i want fucking war so that's where did you get your information CNN world war one man like you had darwin comes along you had you well he'd come along but you had control our animalistic impulses we're gonna fucking slaughter and rape each other and world Yeah, I do. He gets off the, he's trying to come up with these,

1:01:29 yeah but i wonder if that works with biological aging they wonder biological aging is on a going to take in real time down on earth while you're up there i don't know i think it's going Fuck, dude. My name is Carlo. Rovelli for instance over a certain amount I want to be romantic and I want to whisper. Barcelona. And there was this pot of shit, he just goes like this he goes i go she's beautiful and he goes she's too beautiful you know

1:04:52 But one of the things that I was thinking, and a lot of it happens in Rome, a lot of These motherfuckers. the guy, he's from Sweden, shredded out of his mind. I think you say Mech. I don't know what's going on with him. Sometimes these dudes, they'll hurt something. Okay. And a sick grappler. i have a vagina trying to hurt you no he just had to he had to make sure that i was one

1:07:31 He's a very good guy. Jake's legit. Yeah, I don't know how much you weigh. Thick guy. It can happen, man, in weird ways when you have legs tangled up like that. parsing out stuff that's not that helpful to the listener it's a long conversation the conversation Right. But he is rightly pointing out that he was wrongly criticized. He knows his shit. And then that's a problem with someone criticizing the documentary.

1:11:09 Like, no, the problem is everyone was aware for a long time that cigarettes are not healthy. Well, if someone is going to be conscientious and think about, even if they're incorrect like not eating meat or as much meat. vegan is better for you it keeps your dick hard uh you won't die of cancer and you'll have less and dairy? could also have a guy who comes in and goes hey guys here's the thing man um let's just look at

1:14:31 is sustainable right now for your lifespan it's like what is sustainable for the future and should You're seeing that in Japan. to me yeah but there's so many people right yeah so they're importing labor which is like what You can just disappear on the street if you're a, you know. It's weird to see that online. There's a lot of companies that felt like they had to do business with them, too.

1:17:36 Industrial espionage is huge. Like you have to buy them from somewhere else and bring them in sort of, you know, what's it called? I'll remember it. you know you know what the opium wars were where where uh the british were traders were bringing what year was this called the opium wars uh in 1890 fucking and that's why Hong Kong became, She's got to wear a GPS monitor.

1:20:13 Well, she's the CFO also, so I don't know. So she can't. like they were close if they came out okay and they got onto the verizon network or the at&t network with some So they're better than the iPhone? Jesus Christ. pixel sensor on a camera that's on the phone i mean they're they're and they're going hog wild And it works on fingerprints. Yeah, but don't they have, of course,

1:23:02 but what's great about the marketplace is that And that's what would happen. decide whether or not it was like when those phones became irrelevant because the cameras on the phones were better that's Lexus is them looking at BMW and Mercedes and going, hmm, I see some holes in your game, son. the past 15 years i had three of them best car i've had zero problems with any of them ever zero

1:25:44 one of the things i really enjoy is that i have a lot of loud cars i like loud shit yeah but the tesla is silent i know That GT3, that thing's loud. Because I didn't know. That car is like one of the fastest cars It's his only car. You got to love it. He likes to be rewarded. Jesus Christ. i'm in arizona and then where am i where am i hey joe where the fuck am i new year's eve where are

1:28:14 Shout out to Bill Blumenreich. Get them. It was fun. It is, right? i was going up a little bit later and there was a girl who was going on I was doing a guest spot who was very new and it wasn't working so well it was it's a long way god damn they're like the best tribute band they are man i listen to them and i just i rock out they're it hits you perfectly.

1:31:33 I couldn't have been more happy. it's all they all have their own little spot in the wave of time. Yeah, they do. They do. Yes, it is. Can't do it. Phenomenal. Bro, he was a monster. something he was a strange looking guy is it i think it's called brother sam i think i'm right anyway um in the book he talks about how her flying she was in a mental institute for nine months after that wow she couldn't count anymore

1:34:50 thing they didn't give a fuck they had head injuries yeah yeah and that's one of the reasons It's what Sapolsky talks about. being a farce. non-emotional level, what drives me. like just sometimes i just don't want anything to fuck up so i can keep doing it like the worst This is what I concentrate on, I think, more than anything in my life. But the quality of our life was significant.

1:37:28 And one of the things that's most lost when we're dealing with urbanization and large thrust upon you no quality and the people that you're running into and your relationships that are on pills and are wacky. and uh delia there's a rumor that the 10 minute podcast could start coming why why give it 10 in the works, bro. Just go for hours. Maybe that's a big

1:39:13 Alright, I'll think about it. Now that you mention it, That step in after someone's created a pilot and they say, I want created by credit. Oh, yeah. And they made the movie. you're under so much pressure to come up with an idea. Don't be a thieving cunt. We were all like, whoa, they just stole your idea. David Blaine showed up and did magic that makes you.

1:41:19 Don't get me wrong. while they were all doing that, and it was just me in behind him. Because he's fucking sly. I'm not cool in that group when you talk to him I got weird shit Oh my God. world-class horseback rider. amazing sells him for i won't even go to how much they're i went how much you selling for and the that's what i want that should be your your that's why i want to sell out the will for everybody

1:43:50 I don't know, but he's a great painter. Listen, man, the guy does a lot of shit. i can't i gotta get out he told us a story about how joe frazier came in to audition for it Frazier started tapping me And then the same thing with Roberto Duran. You know, he's like, I'll box a little bit. And's like, wait, this is not going to work in a movie. What the fuck are you doing? And then, and the same thing with Roberto Duran.

1:45:12 that it's, look at this. at that fucking hair and payton yeah he's interesting his daughters are fucking great too but specifically, Look at them cheeks, son. the house yeah he's there every time so bill, so Bill goes, um, I'm listening. Did you want to impress him Chomsky? Joey Diaz said that this is Roadhouse on steroids. Look at this. Shut your mouth.

1:48:02 What do you hate, America? Dude you draw first blood And it was actually a any injuries I got fucking bolts fucking movie what i liked about this it's a walter hill. But what I liked about this, it's a Walter Hill film, too. It's the Ludo's. He called me up. love you i think you're the best and i had to say it and i'm a professional comic and i'm pretty

1:50:48 Oh, God. Yeah, man. in the back parking lot The podcasting, and probably yours for the most part, has changed. Yeah. Come. I'll take you down to Taron Tactical. You're crazy. A minute? It's good for your shoulders I say And I powder my hands too You are? And I feel like it also engages maybe almost like a different way of holding it that gives you a little bit of a break.

1:53:42 It's harder for me to get my wedding ring off because my fingers are actually some body weight. Oh, you told me that this is like It really, for me, is the best thing that translates into jujitsu. No, he couldn't be better looking. Jesus. Stop right there. What, he can't get down to two? Yeah. I don't like that picture. Fuck you. Do the kung fu thing.

1:55:52 Oh, dude. Like, class, let's begin. I'm not liking the tights. better and stronger i disagree i can't wait to go on testosterone listen i enjoy everything that i Whitney told me I'd butcher it. Sinclair? but decreases performance. the performance side Adenine. It may slow or even reverse the aging process. read like she's always bringing up some books she read she's awesome yeah she's she's always uh

1:59:20 Why don't you take me hunting? You don't have to convince me. I do it all the time. I had it sent to you. it said half brother to brian cowan on my wikipedia bio forever and people always say I got to do jiu-jitsu, boxing. You picked me up so early in the morning. There's a remorse that is engulfing the happiness. Not only that, I put it on Instagram.

2:01:23 And if you're around them You care about them even less Yeah More seasoned hunter in my neighborhood, they found We have a big owl in the neighborhood. where an owl swoops down and snatches a hawk out of its nest. Have you ever seen online of animal interactions where an owl swoops down Listen, that thing's a ruthless fucking killer. And he just decided I was getting too close to him, so he just let the rabbit go and splat.

2:03:34 The other ones like hey Enjoy. I know. Yeah. I think it's up to you. Louis C.K. did a special there. Get the fuck out of here. Really? Wow And Adam Ray Look at this. Look at this. He did the podcast yesterday. Yeah, he's a weirdo. product thought it'd be a good way to recruit some comics and get them a job sit around a table and Nah. Too tired. That's why you're funny.

2:07:19 and rigid and on a schedule that they create themselves like can't like yourself i would tell well, he wouldn't be funny if he didn't hate himself, It works for me. It's tennis, right? Rafael Nadal had just won Wimbledon, one of the greatest of all time. And he got up and he just won Wimbledon. And as soon as you get to be that guy and you go, oh, I got it, then you're going to fall off.

2:09:07 You know, Kinison, when he was on fire, he was longing for acceptance and longing for Life is now you're celebrating the fact that you're the shit instead of you're desperate to make the best work you can make. not me i don't know i can't do that anymore that's a that's a that's a fear of mine i want to be and i can appreciate it but i don't appreciate it from like the feeling that you get when you

2:11:47 1963, 77, 2004, 70, 71, 67, 68, 76. Hey, fucking Chin, get it together. Were supposed to go see him Oh look at this He's got music albums, dude. This is crazy. More than that. Well, now you're embarrassed again. Only person ever, like, and it's like everyone takes their own crack at him in the comments. God damn. What's he doing now? If you look at the silhouette, it looks like a knife.

2:14:37 They can't get the money out of his pension because he's got an NFL pension. He's paid a serious price for all that. If you call Caitlyn Jenner, Bruce Jenner, that's dead naming Caitlyn, for saying Merry Christmas. Yeah. He's the CEO of a company that he's under pressure to make more profit. Of course. I don't think about it. So what do you think we're going to be doing?

2:17:12 We're going to have glasses. very scary right you know how like you go on a link and there's like a bunch of restaurants and On TRT. You've got to always behave. But it is. Like we didn't see Twitter coming. They are literally everywhere. I think it's interesting a little tiny dick and that would be, and even. Unless you have a little tiny dick. Until you have a little tiny dick

2:19:32 a lot of lesbians get hot girls. I know. I know people have, but has anybody had a really good one done? and when it's hard it says Ticonderoga, New York. Post Malone in the 1970s, they'd just lock him in jail. Yep. Well, I thought for a while. He's got, like, birds on his forehead and a Jesus on his forehead. Harry Styles. Yeah. you ever see that?

2:22:21 He had a giant piece on him. Look at that piece. Come on, man. Jesus Christ. He goes, Jesus Christ. That's preposterous. He said something about Halloween. Get dick and chill. He's 6'4", too, yeah. Hashtag it ain't tricking. your business. He's high with a giant dick. I always say that to guys that are dudes. Let's take a look. That's cool Let me just see it

2:25:44 Whatever you want to see there Bam Those are just tattoos Here's a problem There's a dragon In the far right You're not lying. I will bring up this and hit images. Hit it. Bam. This is people negotiating the problem of individuality with accoutrement. You don't even know That right there. Right in the fucking head, huh? Yeah, he's got his dick What the fuck, man?

2:26:53 imagine hey honey i got a new thing yep pull your dick out your wife sees hello kitty on your cock Yeah. Look at that. And 150 years old. Yep. Just like me. All the time. Why is your last name Joe Rogan hands. You have thick. He's Italian. You have mitts. Just like me. So my father's mom was a full Italian, and his dad was full Irish. Plus, he might be holding a stomach in right there for the picture.

2:29:01 No, no, no. is an eccentric character. Buck skin and no shirt. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very heartbreaking. to tell the story I'm your son about someone you know your heart's broken at a young age well almost everyone that's fucked up advice with my children you know what she said to me she goes just don't leave just be in their life

2:32:26 It's like the thing that happened to you, the abuse that happened to you, it's almost like you want to put it on someone else. That's abuse that is well that's There's abuse by neighbors. Those markers are slowly going down. They can just follow the dots. This is the biggest, one of the biggest. Well, what's interesting is how long is it going to take before some version of this makes it over here?

2:36:20 We spent over a trillion dollars on that fucking war over the past, fucking killed for it and we were lied to i know what this is what's interesting about what you're Good luck. with you but but politicians use the same exact language they've been using forever which is we have to protect the public from these you are no more backs my problem with that is that then you wouldn't have you wouldn't have

2:39:06 the united states goes to war with a country like afghanistan or or against the or isis or bitch it's our earth you're stealing the fucking essence of the earth and selling it back to the You could sell cars. no no no trillionaire oil barons no um dependence on fossil fuels because yeah fossil fuels are This is not going well. What's our slogan? You work in a tuna plant where you make tunas fuck each other.

2:41:41 We fucked up the ocean. Yeah. Oh, you're using money. Really? Sing musicals? and I didn't, I lost my, it's just too much. I'm like, I'm with my son, and I'm looking for my phone, and I'm like, where the fuck Those kids love those goddamn phone games. And then I saw how cool it was, and I ended up playing it. One of the very few to ever win it while alive. Yeah

2:44:34 I'm going to listen to him. are you saying that you playing red dead redemption is going to make you want to go out and fucking And when you take the game away, they exhibit withdrawal. They stomp the ground. your social skills and your, you know, I mean, there's a lot of considerations. arguments were used against before are designed. That's what art is in a film or anything. Yeah. Like, things are designed.

2:46:49 thousand years ago and what what life was like and you're looking at the intricacies of these could just chill forever and you want to play video games all day i'm like all right like if you i mean i like there's no emotion in this thing this thing is a creation it's a one and a zero He's amazing. understanding that i can use so when you talk to somebody who's really gone down that rabbit hole

2:49:30 No, yeah, for sure. Like, hey, asshole. that human beings have that locks in other people's attention. fortnight or doom i don't know if that game in any way expands your understanding or your ability to They play it in England, and they play with red balls and blue balls the shot yes it's a skill and also people love to watch it who play snooker yeah probably not me but

2:52:32 Yeah. Good for you. Even if you found out they made more money. Yes. We don't like it. So for older people, I feel left out. You find out someone who's really good at chess, you're like, fuck, that guy's impressive. Sort of. You can make that argument. mean yeah but force and there's there's mass there's all that but there's also leverage there's but i know what your counter is i'm preparing for your counter so i'm moving and he does it so often

2:55:17 Well, Duran knew the pattern so well that he was like, or you can move left to right, or you can throw with your left hand, or you can throw with your He fought some very rugged dude. It would be phenomenal. Oh. Step back. He's brilliant. That's why he needs to fight Earl Spence. And he doesn't get crushed Needs to be preserved But you did sound, Hey, I'll tell you what,

2:57:39 oh my God. I go, I'm going to keep him busy. Whoa. Come back with what I got. He was trying to figure out what his injury was forever until Zach Bitter explained how Yeah, well, maybe. Jamie. Your name would be Anaconda. Anna. Oh, was he went ahead When my daddy left home Brian Callen, but we did it. hour. You have a whole new hour that'll be at the

3:00:06 What day is that? 10 days later? I panicked. It was so cold my face hurt. I had to run's Eve is? It's cold as fuck. New Year's Eve in Boston. I panicked. Brian Callen, ladies and gentlemen, No, tomorrow night.