Joe Rogan Experience #1407 — Michael Malice Transcript

Transcript

0:00 and booyah so what are we saying about tarantula hawks tarantula hawk wasps yeah they're like that is they sting the tarantula, this kind of stuff Please do. But the plant... Yeah, it's completely parasitic, right? I guess to trap rats. They get ready to eat people. So that's what it looks like near the coast of Yemen So it's actually heat activated just like rotten food would be.

2:25 That one's just right there, Jamie. But from an alien. Oh, jeez. Oh, God. Isn't it great? you attract more flies with honey than vigor, pops open oh so like the gases come out of it when it pops open yeah it releases a dose yeah look up They die. There's a lot of things that they're learning now about nature controlling the minds of other beings, commit suicide so that it can give birth to this worm it literally gets into the wiring of the

5:52 in that we need other organisms in order to survive. It makes sense that the majority are going to be parasitical. kidding yeah yeah i agree it's it but it's just also weird how we're finding out things that are It's like night vision. And what's amazing is how they're freaking out. The scientists are watching it. They're like, what is going on? Oh, I love this thing. And what's amazing is how they're freaking out.

7:35 Yeah. this is the overmind of the planet and it's in a gelatinous form and it communicates to you with Yeah. You've seen the video of the octopus And the fishermen Well, they're nasty. to eagles they they killed 160 000 eagles or excuse me the eagles killed 160 000 oh yeah yeah That was bald eagle. Yeah. The crew estimated the octopus could have been as large as 4.5 feet. Wow. If you're going to save it, I think you should eat the octopus too because you win. Yeah.

9:32 There's plenty of them things. Oh yeah. Yeah. Female octopuses, this is one of my favorite parts about the animal kingdom. Yeah. and characteristics that a friend of mine who actually used to work with autistic kids That's how little I'm paying attention to the news these days. I am autistic plus how dare you. How many tweets? those are rookie numbers

11:38 changes the weather for her Climate is when it supports your bullshit. Super important. Sit outside your parliament or local government building until your nation is on a safe pathway to a below two. Australia. I might be wrong now. I'm second guessing myself. Like a significant percentage of these fires were set intentionally. And Australia won't let them be exported.

14:05 Or I listened to that rather And they also have the smallest brain to body proportion And he slices her up with the barbs on his dick. Yeah. Like sharks. And they go to war sometimes, up. And he's also biting her neck. Yeah. They have that gland on the roof of the mouth, the male. But that's just amazing that like, okay, do I have to kill these children so I can rape their mom?

15:41 Infanticide. Cause they fuck everybody In the ocean Leave that kid alone and the male dolphins are like, Yeah. Dolphins definitely seem to do it. they're doing it missionary style huh and they're looking at each other in the eye and he's like i'm So it's only animals. They're also responsible for the most farm deaths. yeah it's not snatched oh you Apparently it's all because of, well, there's a reality to it, but also because there was a serial killer that lived in British Columbia, that guy.

18:53 He's fucking fantastic. evil gangster. I mean, What? I'm excited. means you're talking about being autistic they all sit around like number people Four bottles. I did? I was a huge comic book fan for a long time. Yeah. Do people, is there comic books, indie comic books, where it's like one guy writes it's hard to get both yeah do people is there comic books

20:52 but then you don't want and do it well Dan Klaus. Didn't want to be a piece of shit. but there's a lot of yeah very emo get this off the screen what word does he How old was he when he died? so he was a fitness guy? He's supposed to look ridiculous, Sometimes. No, not quite. Although I do have to tell you It's a wonderful production they live in the nordic country right right that's what it's supposed to be about they're all these

24:11 And there's no explanation given at all. She's a little Chinaman. She was great at her job. chinese guy who becomes clint eastwood You're like, hey, what are Maybe you guys know the name, and I'm blanking on it. If you want to make a movie about Egypt, right, you should use people that look like they're Egyptian. You can't just decide, we're going to do a film about the Wild West, but everyone's

26:26 have slaves? 30th century, Brainiac Five these are 40 diverse aliens and it's Do you ever think about trying to be a little more woke and people like you better? This dial's not going up. Everybody was awesome. dad yes we do it's part of the script but they go to describe their parents they they have children Good point. oh the desmond is amazing. What a great thing.

29:57 and this photos him with naked drag queens violet tchotchke and it's just like look this is something No. And he's like, look, I was raped as a kid for a long time. I can't even be mad because it was another older kid do not think of kids in this way we don't want to think about it it's so sick they're the ones who and we're yelling at her for acting out.

32:17 And I think that keeps people from speaking out because of that fear of being labeled. Oh, my God. Well, the person who did it, I can what you do what do you do to the person who molests someone well the the person who did it i i have i can't even begin i don't know but i think what happens Right. It's not like you have these ideas. They go on. Yeah.

35:49 And what happens is families, you know how back in the day you don't want to talk about divorce because it's shameful? We should kill pedophiles. get accused of being pedophiles and they're not like you remember that school that uh there was a What was the name of that? They have all these different things that are attached to this. That someone would molest kids or that kids would be coached into lying.

37:47 I'm not advocating killing anybody. just like Matt listening to the show. I don't think you're a freak. So for your level, I mean this kind of saved my buddy's life because of jake the snake on this show You won't be comfortable. They're jokes. to hypnotize yourself exactly sure what i'm saying while i'm saying it i'm like no no that's not what i meant

40:56 What, new weed? I don't think it's... There's one that you could turn off. What's it called? Analog of the more popular drug 5-M-E-O-D-I-P-T. Hmm. Like, you could order it in the year 2000s. You feel like you're a part of every cell and every atom and every neutron, everything. You're absolutely 100% sure you're dead. You'd be able to just buy this stuff

43:36 It's not something that people talk about a lot For 10 minutes, yeah. Red Band, of course, filmed it. And so he Anyway, he came That's what apparently when you would have the Catholic priest going down the aisle, secondhand high huh yeah and that's one of that... He's going to have that experience, yeah. Yeah, to take them into this fucking Catholic journey.

46:02 Over time, though, the term sage has been closely aligned So salvia divinorum, this incredibly waft it through the air as they're walking back and forth. Well, they also, there's a book called The Oracle ground where she was partying yeah so of course she's gonna be speaking gibberish and having all There's all this different speculation. the other thing that the burning bush they think that these uh scholars in jerusalem think that

49:14 into them. And if you're going to join this But there's no vocabulary for it there. Unless it's bad. He was an ordained minister, but he was the only one on the Dead Sea Scroll translation group that they put together that was agnostic. And that it wasn't a bad thing. It's overnight. God created this from his own seed. and from the people that captured them.

51:39 church and then recently reinstated and then bought you bought out? They bought it. So now you can get a hold. recent. Well, you're also going to hear literal voices. fantastical and wonderful. looking out you're not going to accidentally, you know, it's okay. the greatest show of all time. right well he tripped balls and talked about it on cnn and said that it was one of the best

55:06 was Pam, Pam, I've always thought total beast. So it was about an evil person versus a bad in the sense of low quality person. That's what's crazy about The Simpsons. You still watch it? The old ones were amazing. Yeah, it was so off the charts weird. it's so fun it's so good okay it's so good so good okay it's psychedelic it's chaos it's and I have no idea if that's true.

57:47 You're not going anywhere. Oh, I love that shit. I don't remember. I saw some Disney dorks on YouTube reviewing the new Star Wars ride that just opened up. Oh, okay. Back to the future. Yeah, yeah. Oh the Disney World Put this like helmet in There's a dragon. People just want to get right back in line. And it's basically, you have to take an an elevator And then you're walking in the street

1:00:17 And then you like see the rock It does feel like that. Imagine if they made an Alex Honnold one. Oh, my God. No Like if you're Look at that It's just... you've got to continually chalk your hands and he makes his detailed analysis. And I'm sure he could do like fingertip push-ups. Because if you put on too much muscle mass, it's going to be... Like there's no weight right like no extra weight

1:03:47 I'm just glad I can do pull-ups now. That thing's barely hanging on. Is that a woman? Pretend it is. Get out of there, man. Yeah, I can see that. my god oh my god imagine we're gonna go see some elephants and it'll be amazing And a pack of hyenas It's a weird term Engorged During childbirth. Yep. Go back to that picture. Yes. They try to eat them Oh Jesus

1:07:18 It's got three horns. What is that? Is it three? What is it called? It almost looks like the water buffalo horns. This is like that Texas thing. They like stuck it on there? neck strength it's just like oh yeah i typed it in and there's a pic that exact picture came up It's a modern American and they call it a Watusi? Is that real? So sometimes when animals get an injury to their bone plate,

1:09:29 And when they stab each other in the head, it breaks the pedicle, grow straight up with no That's pretty dope. Why do I like that better than two? Let's see. Look at the one right to the left's like a deformity that happens sometimes. Hmm, okay. That's pretty dope. It looks more symmetrical. Well, that was the thing about one of the ranches that I was on.

1:10:47 Oh, wow. It is evolution. Well, it's not going to be genetic Yeah. of bone uh birds have bone that's not even big that's a mule deer that's small okay but that's You could just... That's a real mammoth molar? Yeah. that's like from an animal? So it's like, Nightshade there was covering for me today how long are you staying for Why do I know that name?

1:13:40 My Name is Earl. She's one of my favorite Twitter follows. What is it? You don't know about this? No. It's Jurassic Technology? Yeah, the Museum of Jurassic Technology. What is it? and you're like, I don't know if this is real. They have exhibits about Cat's Cradle. That's horns from a woman, apparently. anybody talk about really yeah have you never dude it's the best place in la look at that look

1:15:38 That's crazy. It's only open L.A., everything is closed on Monday. It's a disaster. Oh, yeah. Wait you're That was videos Is just sitting there And people are like Oh my god brilliant That's like I Oh, you're not joking. No, I'm not joking. That stupid fucking thing is just sitting there. What is that? Yeah. the audience oh boy. that's the art. puts it on the thing and goes, it's called Fountain.

1:18:23 fire, they become hot, and then you look at their stuff and you're like, I don't know it at all. People catch fire. They become hot. your your kid do that and this agent goes that's actually a blah blah blah that's a blah blah i go and he makes Simpsons and just puts cross. How about I won't? I don't know if it's accurate It's a write-off? unusual piece of art on their wall and they love the sophisticated feeling they get by describing

1:20:39 I'm like, this is really cool. There's things I get. Look at that. It was explained to me. Yeah. So they have this green tag on this pair. Wait, what is it? But they wear them on their shoe. No They're making you soft and stupid She came on the podcast to explain it to me after I'd heard her on Sam Harris' podcast. muslims on the other side of the street having a protest at the exact same time like they were

1:24:17 Wacky social media pages. Especially if you're funny. is might be the nominee he does not have a good social media team when when he had this family photo for halloween uh all i just replied with a photo of a crack pipe right and where's hunter They're not that good at it. glad that now that Harris is gone, when she was threatening single moms with

1:26:37 that's how she got people to go to jail. chipped in on my live stream and i spent 400 on ham and i did a ham tasting because the pig was I've had wild pigs that only eat acorns. Yeah, I tried like 20 different kinds of ham I don't think so. You think it goes into the meat? Meaning it grows under pine trees. It's red and white, which is just like Santa Claus's outfit.

1:28:49 eat these mushrooms. Wow. but it doesn't do something as profound as psilocybin, you have to be careful of reindeer because they'll literally tackle you to try to get to your piss. So concentrated coming out Okay But they're going to be vulnerable. It was so normal and so constant. Foothill Antiques. No. So when you take a cross-section, it looks like here.

1:31:38 Over time the painting accumulates Yeah. And over the years, they chip it away from the walls and they have a block of it. That's like a cool form of a fossil or something. Oh, you lucky devil. And I go, I will post receipts. They're like, no, no, no. one thing it's i'm really fun with it and i'm really good with it i've started doing a little And if someone's like, fuck you, they're going to be like, no, fuck you.

1:34:38 Why do you do this? he was the head of the Labour Party in the UK that's right okay he just had Yeah yeah yeah Yeah Fucking pronouns are Mum and mummy come on with this nonsense your pronouns are And people, I don't know my show, people freaking out, competing as a man. She's an amazing – there's a documentary. And so she competes as a woman? That's a joke.

1:37:26 jesus i'm so confused but then again eddie uh izzard was on here and eddie has been like This is Kali Yuga. We discussed that on the air. I'm not sure thing here's the thing here's what i think if you are setting a world record in powerlifting and all these figures. yeah yeah of course there i mean there there's butch women yeah we're really they always happen

1:40:02 The world capital of sex change is Tehran. don't really totally go all the way through with it. issues. about all this crazy shit someone does it. Or some publisher wants to contact my agent just give me me a deal on the spot, I'll do it. For 100 years, Spanish-American War, William Randolph Hearst, right? Like he was really revered in Iran and very hated by people elsewhere.

1:42:28 I think very strongly we're never going to be privy to this, Right. like that can't come over to here oh what do you mean that kind of technology can't be used against that war and the rules of war written by the powerful people i remember when people were What do you think that is? what, you know, This is all real stuff that they could show you. There was a nail bomb in Grand Central that they caught.

1:45:52 And overseas. So there's this place, Grand Central, get you to trip up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a real scary thing about cross-examining people and just examining, just interrogating people. you're going to be very glad that there's the ACLU So getting arrested, it's not going to be, you have to play a game yeah they're just trying to prosecute as many people as they can yes it's

1:48:59 i've talked to cops and they have like a certain number of tickets that they have to write every month This is how they keep the peace. for the people of Hong Kong, And they were like, look, the Constitution are they going to honor this? Are they going to wave it away? They honored it. And that was the This is outrageous. Do you think that it's possible for China to ever turn it around, though?

1:51:19 Yes. You know who got a passport? Dude. But the point is people can leave Russia. I mean, and it's insane that we drove him into the hands of the Soviet Union. It is crazy. We're just collecting metadata. She was on her computer and you could see the file being deleted right in front of her. they can. that ship has sailed. Oh, And you wake up Why's that?

1:54:45 So I wasn't eating. Huh. Ah! I use Windows for writing a lot mean? Yeah, but not amongst But you seem like the kind of guy, even if it was better, you would use it just to tell everybody to fuck off? I don't think it's that hard anymore. describe that as what do you mean those the little semicircle but you know the divot on cave Like, it's carbon. They're not as good.

1:57:45 Yes, it's concave. It's like, did everybody forget what a fucking keyboard's for? Yeah, yeah, I have a Retina Macs and when I would write on it, keyboard. It's awesome And they hear, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. fallen down the stairs and broke his neck, Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, my cum killed him. I thought this was exposed. What is this?

2:01:06 Yeah. I forget what it's called. corrupted like they apparently don't have as stringent a testing. I don't ever meet anyone, and I don't know where to go to meet people. i don't believe that because you're easy to get along with most people i'm not friendly i don't believe that in history these people all like But it would have been funny. I do, okay.

2:03:31 to the Unabomber the Unabomber himself Someone wrote a great tweet where they go, plot twist, Greta Thunberg grows up to become the Unabomber in a redemption arc. Isn't that great? They couldn't. We need to find it. Do you think she does? Let it go. Wow. I thought that was Where it's at We could have i read parts of it that's one of the things that's disturbing. It's just like well thought out.

2:06:25 I think we're supposed to be further along. people with white supremacy and we really shouldn't support that so we need to change Wow. the manifesto or did he read the manifesto and eat it too and the guy's like So everyone who's correcting people and spelling on Twitter, shut up and relax. God damn. Like how much did they give them? favorite fucked up CIA experience they ever did.

2:09:45 Where'd this happen, Harry? They will just use that word and stop thinking. He was conspiring with a lot of people. Oh, yeah. the guy from the HBO autopsy show. It is weird. What the fuck? I did not know this. They were trying to figure out a way. in his jail cell with all the people but why Because we all saw it coming. that are underage she's like in Israel or something,

2:13:28 not arrested? it's not right, or that's part of the deal Yes. Pedophiles, probably. and is being guarded by former U.S. Navy SEALs People in the Midwest don't even read. Oh, my God. Because you're watching this and he's like, oh, yeah, I cut off contact with him. become and come out normal, The Kevin Spacey stuff going on doesn't seem directly related,

2:16:20 Like, you guys are comfortable with this, you assholes. Financier Jeffrey Epstein once flew Bill Clinton and Kevin Spacey I can shoot it inside that monkey Yeah. in Arkansas. I thought it was going to be like he left, the last thing he says to there, you better put some ice on that. use their power in sadistic ways and they get off on not having consequences it's not just being

2:18:37 And the lawyers killed it. And she was like pissed that she didn't get the scoop. Sure. Is that Melania? She's hiding with Elvis. That's different There's a lot of other moving pieces, a lot of players. to keep safe, how are you letting this happen? Ow. Well, by the way. We're going to have a bunch of good ones Oh, wow. I don't remember his excuse Yeah, but Ruby probably

2:22:26 I mean, he went to jail, and I think he died of cancer in jail. Yeah, I wonder how long he lived. That's a heart attack, right? Oh, yeah. It's a crazy story, though, to this day. On TV? No, I wake up like, oh, yeah, I was reading about this at five in the morning. the book that president kennedy was assassinated and this is a conspiracy and he wrote a book

2:25:01 That's amazing. They just locked that dude up We're going to shave your head Probably owed money. many i mean that term is just once you realize that that term is used to just dismiss entire schools of thought, you realize just how pervasive our training is since we're kids. No. And they would go on these shows and just lie, right? Like these people are merchants of doubt.

2:27:23 No, no. Because he's good at it. And the doctor would be on the other end who didn't understand the fucking hustle. It's an amazing documentary, man. He's one of the merchants. Really? Characters. He's not doing that. You have to beat him in the head with it. See, he literally said this might be a conspiracy. i i just think it's so interesting how it's getting harder and harder for them to keep a lid on what stunts they're pulling off behind the scenes.

2:31:08 if you say that and then you do that, But even if he hadn't tweeted that, their big general, you're already But at least it gives you some sort of people could lose brothers and sisters and friends and just all of it. the dad's gravestone and i'm like this is not good like yeah we should support this kid but We can translate things in real time. that if you beat someone in a war you kill everyone yes and now it's like maybe we don't

2:34:39 Then Los Angeles gets vaporized. I thought you meant my clothes. Yeah. So we haven't nuked anybody since 45. Didn't they experiment in the mountains? How could they possibly iron things out with Iran? And it has caused a lot of suffering there. a lot of the stuff that they're claiming this guy did including the the ieds I can only look at it through the lens of stuff

2:37:42 And everyone's always looking after each other So I think it's going to be very hard to have. personally next. Or the people. If there's a revolt, it could be like Gaddafi and you're I would have said that that guy's going to be So yeah the iraq war with when it was bush and tony blair they bombed the train station in spain and spain 100% confident

2:40:15 No And Iran Does he take, not Adderall, what does he take with the Qs I'm taking? now I'm scared Hey, we're real sorry about that. And it was the Holocaust memorial. That's from his husband It's a come hither So is he and so is his husband Yeah What? Maybe it's a conspiracy theory. Yeah. Oh, you're canceled. Look at that one guy with his feet up. Sitting on the top in a tracksuit just ready to sprint over some dick yeah this is a thing this was a thing this was a thing six o'clock already all

2:44:52 You think you're a bad person? I'm not a nice guy. Hey, this was fun, man.