Joe Rogan Experience #143 — Jason "Mayhem" Miller, Ryan Parsons Transcript

Transcript

0:00 It's going right now? because Mayhem Miller and our pal Ryan Parsons are here One of my good friends from the crazy world of MMA. Come on, man. You're selling the crazy that mayhem guy if you don't know who uh mayhem is he's also hosting this It's going to sell out. And the seats are right every noise. it's the best environment Awesome. right there on the guy that was back in the day that was janky man they oh yeah it was like

3:18 Just put some hay down. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. Wet and wild. Did they only do it once? Wet and Wild. We've been through with the whole cage floor breaks. and then i'm sure he was thinking the same thing. We were like, all right, over here, over here, over here. and they start talking about fighters, almost hands afterwards and he's cool. It was legendary.

6:14 This is my feeling on that. The guy's older. That makes sense. Like Shamar Bailey. Oh, yeah. is tough as shit, dude. to that level, right? There's a decision where you've got to test him, you've got to see what happens. First off, he wasn't making any money. In pride, everybody thought he was like going to be When he hit Arona with that uppercut and blasted him backwards to put him out,

9:13 Yeah, yeah, totally, yeah. Forget all the fighting stuff. one way to look at it but the other way to look at it is that if a fighter wanted to develop to Now, picking the correct fight and the correct fighters, you know what I mean because I was like but like one dude man you're lucky you gotta really focus on me but jason said Worst case scenario for him here is he'll get submitted.

12:12 in Sengoku the first time. Took a fight against Travis View on six days notice. Well, I knew what It's also hard for guys when they first break in from other sports too, right? key moves. I just want to dance. I just, relationship that you guys have. It's an odd match. It's how my brain works. idea go look at mayhemmonkeys.com that's right oh yeah mayhemmonkeys.com that's the latest one

14:33 I'll admit when I'm wrong. Shit, not me. He looks sucked down at the weigh-in, Where is it? Yeah, you got to spice it up. Oh, wow. Okay, let's try to pretend that people are actually listening. Big crazy bitches? I just like that I spit vibes into this mic. It's not that bad. You got to let him just ride out that storm and crash that. I understand that dude a little bit.

17:37 You know that's there, right? Me and Esther I know about this stopped taking his other medicine, still taking antibiotics, so he was on TMZ as the host. them out on their shit. And then there was a like people complicated characters it's it's very interesting we went really into detail and because Let me finish. medication and now he seems like a very

20:13 I mean, everyone has some form or some variance of the normal human beings. Like mutations. And it's because that's the only way things stay It's inevitable. I'm convinced one part of self-destruction, not the whole part, set yourself up. You will give If you say, this is it. Damn it. You've got to excite yourself. And I'm like, I want to catch a fucking 25-pound striped bass.

23:11 Well, you've got to kind of engineer your consciousness to a certain extent. pretty sure i could fucking run fast i might do it i might do no i might not no i wouldn't do it i You would. They're coming. Jump out into the street. Sometimes it's going to happen, but you just don't want to be that guy. Either way, you slice it. Why is he unconscious? A 150-pound cat and a dead thing that runs way faster than you or I.

25:16 That's why. fucking badass those little things are. It's as close as you can get without Standing on the other side of the glass? Bullshit. It's as close as you can get without I remember the reruns Yeah. like it's from a different planet or a different time like a uh a giraffe yeah it looks when you We went to see that giant crocodile there. Those things are giant, man.

27:56 adductor muscles just spring up they're gone she turns it bites her then across the pelvis I knew. No. We used to go to the... No, I didn't see it. there darn it right when people were yelling and They're efficient. Getting paid from water buffalo bitches up in the water hole. Biting bitches by the waterhole. no no no the baby my friend it was a regular full-size one this fucking it's a slow crocodile

30:42 That is like something from fucking Star Wars. underwater for over an hour. being like on youtube maybe that would help you know and i think it's eventually going to come where you're gonna be able to make a fucking Avatar movie on your own. If you're smart. I don't know, you still need a team of people. It's a weird thing, man, when a bunch of people who are not creative at all want to influence the creative process.

32:32 Oh, you need a dorky dude to go, Yeah, exactly. You don't need a dorky dude to create it. say shit. Comedy Central, every now I mean I don't think do you think that that show is so buck wild And the only reason I know what a Tony Award is because of these guys is a Broadway musical award yeah they won nine of those I'm like man Yeah, there had to be some fucking.

34:19 Nah, I think, yeah. I know. You know that feeling? whole thing. What was it? Whatever the fuck they do, I don't care. I'll watch it. I would open up a whole new set. Can you imagine if you got in trouble? They have such a loyal group of fans and followers. No, it's awesome. I got to be all hot and bothered for a South Park movie. I don't know how to describe it without giving a lot of the plot away. But it's a interesting movie, man. It's very... I don't know how to describe it without giving a lot of the plot away,

36:42 It's a good movie. there's a more inconvenient scene where the guy People's asses start getting sore. the effects out now i'm fucking awesome i know yeah i was like oh i wanted to see him drugged if something goes shitty because I had a good feeling about it before the pills and he was all fucked up the next day it's him running the company and he doesn't

38:33 That's how I would end it. I watched it on the DVD. Is that new? he specializes in like really big beautiful pieces i mean he's just a i'm a fan of his artwork like That's all right. I got to get him to finish this thing. from like the Sailor days. at Thanksgiving. There's nothing creepier than a drunk person with a knife in their hand. Yeah. took us to his bar.

41:10 Go back with a bunch of his friends and all these different people. around his house kicking these people out that he just invited in with a pair of scissors it was one You're coming with us. We were close enough to get stabbed. snap over and they're I have a friend who's an alcoholic, and every time he gets drunk, you're very likely to They don't even know who the fuck they are.

43:05 fucked up i don't know what i'm doing i don't get that because i don't get that drunk i get drunk They just can't. Man, he's hammered on tuna fish. God bless you and your connections. Yeah, they were like... There's some, like if you give certain kinds of nuts that are killed. Are you trying to say... No no Plums aren't killing dogs too By now Mouthful of fucking shuck.

46:04 That's exactly Yeah, because it's He's like, no, His whole body springs up. 150 pounds. One day, I just gave him his food, and I eye-contacted him, and it was on. with that. He doesn't think you're going to steal food from him when you we can't we got to get rid of the dog like one dog's got to go i love pitbulls but i laugh my Yeah, either they're just lying to themselves or trying to lie to you to make them feel better about it.

48:50 I got so good at stopping a dog fight I had a knee on belly on one or better, knee on throat. God, that's so scary. they only have one weapon. right hand. I choked my dog out when I was trying to kill my cat once with his collar. I put him in one hand like this. And I turn. So you're telling me if I ate plums in the middle of it, I would die? whatever the fuck the chemical it has and it also exists in some other cold medication that she was

50:57 A lot of times if you look on something and say, don't take Because they don't do... That's why I only take AlphaBrain and nothing You know what I mean? I was like a robot. of all the tweets yeah maybe first of all A lot of people are upset at the price. Go online. If that stuff, if that mix doesn't work for you, It was like, okay, my brain works. annoyed because we talked about it all the time but I wanted to go really some

54:45 Oh, I just cut it off. I say that stuff's awesome. I don't know, man, whatever. I say that stuff's awesome. It's pretty awesome. with my friends. And now you give me these I go, nah, that's bullshit. I just hope it doesn't get put on a PEDs list. Because I know you're on the same time. Yeah. And then I didn't. Mushrooms are so fucking good for you.

57:23 like how good they are and the mean, health benefits of mushrooms. Yeah, I always drink those or the little, you ever drink the little, what's that called? You can tell man They look like little yogurt things That's weird I was like, why is this shit $100? I don't know we're getting all our nutrients from dead stuff like you know we like uh breads and whatnot you

59:23 He looked healthier, yeah. thing? The Vitamix blender, it's okay, I'm drinking this. For me, a little more I tried to get It looks like Hulk sperm. is like a freaking health match. She's been drinking It's better than grinding it up. three times in her whole life wow that's awesome no meat or dairy huh it's so crazy to see his I'm sorry. Is that what it is?

1:02:09 Yeah, they do, yeah. Like, steak and cheese? Oh, God, just give me this of that bitch and just the fat They don't know. You sort of know. Jack-in-the-box? It's just like, this is what, at the caveman level, this is what I need to survive. That's what that is. There'll be some damn skinny fat guys there for sure. That's gangster. he's like, you say yes it's meat in your face you know what you're going to find out is they have them in

1:05:08 I was like, You've got to open up don't be scared Brock Lesnar you son so good Oh, man, I love your caveman status. A beautiful woman. Who even figured that out? bones. No, he does jujitsu. look at that i didn't see that yeah we did a bud like comedy tour oh i do remember that that's what Very clean cut. He just started wrestling and does judo. neuro-linguistic programming,

1:08:08 Amway kind of guy. amazing guy. So there was one guy What year? put this together. Any of you guys got hypnotized before? hypnotize large groups? He's a really interesting guy. And I've seen you do it. take them on a journey yeah yeah so i wouldn't say it's hypnotizing but it is a lot like that you're making out with the person yeah yeah don't go comic and sleep right as he comes wait but

1:11:09 That's what I'm saying. It's real. Really? Someone's been hypnotized. You have to be willing to let yourself go. But I don't think I would be doing this. They're very conscious. that are absolutely hypnotized Why would they come in their pants if there's monsters in the room? Wait, did you hear this? It was in the backseat of my Toyota Prius. He was really capable of doing it.

1:14:16 He goes, oh, you can just tell. yeah i think i think everyone has a capability to go there really capability if you can relax That's why things like advertising works. It becomes a chicken and egg film. That was pretty good. That's advertising enough. That's advertising. I wouldn't say it's advertising as much as I'd say it's a necessary part of their business.

1:16:09 you saw a commercial They just do it in different ways. That's really their... Lamborghini is too trashy, trying too hard. Ferrari is... Lamborghini all day, bro. What's your problem? Really? Yeah, Lamborghini and a Ferrari, what's a cooler car? Ferrari is... And you had a little toy Lamborghini, and you're like, yeah, look at it. I'm an old man dork.

1:17:39 That's all I'm saying. they're dumb enough to make something just that. Dumb enough to make something just fucking completely reckless, defies and throwing them out the window. You hit the limit and they shut you off? So you were speeding? Where you would just drive slow. driving land cruisers on the damn It hit his headrest. I'm like, man, come back, dude.

1:20:10 I'm like, oh, my. Where the fuck did this conversation get started from? But I'm saying he... you know i could have done that. about joining the Marines. but they make it. I don't know anything about it. with fucking crazy eyes. Of course. They're going to figure out some fucking goggles You're going to be able to look around. how would you move you know because you'd want to move your body you can't move your body unless

1:23:34 Yeah, the holodeck. How dare you? Yeah, yeah. For real? that's where they got it from the opening statements in a fucking courthouse to put that news. is kind of funny, man. I remember when I was alive and I didn't molest children. No, this is not a radio show. Yeah, I'm not doing this. Get out of here. I smell what you're cooking. He took it to another level because we're on the internet like this. Oh, time out, Joe Rogan. You wouldn't be doing this. Get out of here. Yeah, I'm not doing this.

1:25:56 I can't help it. do that's your medication yeah there you go so i just want to yell sometimes sometimes i sing to Why is he watching? Ryan Parsons. Yeah, already. I just stopped. Coffee, I stopped drinking coffee. No, I don't. That's why, a to me to me it's more of like a calming relaxing yeah but it's a more of It's nicotine, man. That's a more intense.

1:29:00 I hope I'm remembering. That's about right. No, that's crazy. My dad would smoke cigarettes It was all fucking asbestos in there. when he wrestled that kid could have been he could have been a legit killer wrestler but just you The most difficult dance is to maintain your balance through the entire Yeah, and like anything they mirror each other and shit can happen and shit can happen do you do you look at your career

1:32:04 And see what's best for you. There's guys, plenty of guys. take that from every angle. You know what I mean? And see what's best for you. And if not, fucking no. i want to get my asshole bleached one of my little things i wrote down is uh be someone that you'd Yeah, exactly. One of them was super embarrassing. Singles, fucking chicken. No, I think that's...

1:33:25 That's pretty interesting. You mean some guys just hit the lottery and are interesting naturally? It's sort of one of those little stories. I lived in a Cracker Jack. McDonald's? character you were telling me when we were at that uh professional yeah he was holding pads for me Hypnotize my eyes. You have to do this dance before you go into the ring.

1:35:31 dancing with blue hair i mean blue like tubes coming out of her head we could play it we could He does the little dance. guys got a fucking I used to not like it That thing was awesome The elbow, crazy elbows those guys caught each other with and stuff. Dude, he's so good. Like everything he did, he was always in the right place. Oh, he was so relaxed. He's like Zen when he fights. Yeah, I could see it like he's so chill

1:38:28 He was like stomping on the ground But he's from South Africa And so His punching was really good and he came straight Tie him up. Bang. Knees to the body. Knees to the body. Like flippy knees coming after him but he would just fade back and then knees fade back and then knees and just digs his knee you know that weird Take down. But, you know, I mean, that makes sense.

1:40:15 Do you think that helps you at all? Yeah, you know that that becomes like a real enough to really get you going yeah You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah. At first, I was nervous to go train. happy at that time in my life i was was like, oh, yeah, good. Yeah, me and Dan had so much fun. Oh, let's fight let's fight yeah yeah it was just so fun That angle, though.

1:43:28 Listen, there's no secrets anymore. on everybody. elite level guys, but that guy catches his fucking arm underneathillotine. He might never be able to beat elite-level guys, It's funny when a guy's got one move like that. We were wrestling. So you got to catch me just right. Like you did with Jacare. I was like, let go of me. Like, you'll have to carry me out of there.

1:45:19 Yeah, whatever. All you're thinking about is just win the fight. Nah, I didn't say don't. vegetable bro i don't want them to remember me as a vegetable. Maybe just for a week. Maybe a vegetable for a week. Oh, stem cell research? I changed my mind. That would be amazing. All right man There's nothing wrong with being crazy and having bursts. Wow. How are you dealing with fame?

1:48:17 it's great like it's a whole different realm that i've gone to now so like i'm like oh okay because And being famous is some drama. knows that was good for you in the long run in the long run it was at the time you know everybody And if you're going to have a guy come in and talk shit to the other guy, It's completely, totally ridiculous. It is an epic picture.

1:50:20 Who got that picture there? That's what they call me. That's great. with him. I had to go Because there's a lot of people out there that think that the way to get attention or the way to be snarky is to criticize fighters. He backpedaled like the next day. You never know, bro. Imagine if Larry Merchant just fucking arm dragged him, yeah sites and I think a big part of one of the reasons why it's so cool is a huge percentage of the people on there too that's one of the most unusual sites and i think a big part of

1:53:07 MMA.TV. Yeah, because it was back in the day. like Hicks and Gracie versus Funaki or something like that. It's fucking hard to sell a pay-per-view. garner hype for a pay-per-view event, though. for putting as much shit on TV and regular That's the best channel ever. They go all the way back to The Shield. think it's a fantastic idea it's's a fucking great idea. Yeah,

1:55:29 yeah, and it's going to be creepy. It's awesome. is that a good question i don't know it's a it works? I don't know. It's a good question. the fuck can't they bet on it? you should be able to do that. Why can't you do that? I should be able to have betting places. They protest against strip clubs for the same reason. do you ever bet, like, I'll bet if I got five bucks on this dude,

1:57:49 That drives me nuts. and none of this shit will have changed. That's true. And I'm just saying, all of this deserves to get pushed upwards and not just quit. Thank you for listening to Mayhem Management. Nah, man. It's a fucking mess. It's not going to change in to leave this earth exactly the same way I came in. Nah, man. that was the good old days.

1:59:43 and its interaction with its environment needs to catch computers like the transcendent man, right? That would be awesome. and that's the reason why those things are illegal. and it hadn't been demonized, The cancer patients? Dr. Ayahuasca? in the jungles of South America, Anthony Bourdain do that in one of his shows? They don't want some crazy gringos running around howling at the moon.

2:02:43 And you got a ring on your thumb, your thumb, like Bourdain does. That was the whole reason she was there. Well, they'll tell you. She going for ayahuasca a spiritual journey yeah well dmt is legal in it's legal in brazil as well there's Oh, in America? Pete Slauson Yeah. about Jesus. Yeah. Yeah, I can understand that. I don't want to go to the Amazon.

2:05:11 I could do it here. What's that? We're going to Keys. I get it. Just like thinking, I'm going to kill you. It's like a different level. That would be like a headquarters. Nice. Facebook and civilization. If you can afford it, a big place. I can't wait to come to your compound, dude. You should have your own fire truck. And set up that fire break system.

2:08:23 Oh yeah, I have one. and I am completely unprepared. I don't get that good not allowed to have a bunch of gas in your backyard no if you have a garage you can do Just have a bicycle. Actually, am I making that up? When? we ran out of gas. It's like driving I had to hire a driver. It cost me 50 bucks to drive me. It took probably a 10-minute drive Yeah, like went to the fire station, asked for gas. Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's crazy.

2:10:34 Yeah, Boston's a weird place with zoning and shit, too. Yeah, isn't that nuts? They're sort of apartments, but houses. Just a house jammed right next to another house. Yeah, it was crazy. Great city. I love that city the time. It was crazy. Boston Commons. Yeah. just to see all that It couldn't get any more I want to see some real old monuments. It's a fascinating little piece of sculpture.

2:12:21 just carved it out out of the mountain it looks like they carried it hmm there's a there's a crazy carving into the mountains of a horse you Yeah. What do you mean crop circles? The ultimate, what they are, for sure, a lot of them are hoaxes. and it's very likely that there's things that can produce crop circles, I don't know. push down the crops? they're human-created works of art, not a mystery whatsoever.

2:15:13 Some of them, they show up in like an hour. Like, wait, you're selling tickets to see this at your farm? they would have taken enough time It doesn't necessarily have to be just always people flattening boards out. I would say evidence that points to the fact that this is all shit. Say if you wanted to etch with a laser in that just using Isn't that the case?

2:18:07 It does something. the sky to dock with some floating metal fucking machine that's up there. I mean, they've got some incredible technology. has an instant close-up view of you, and you disappear. and the accuracy of establishing something like what better way to demonstrate the accuracy than Guess why? to do something I just gave you They're a part of a big thing. When you're a part of

2:21:17 show the weapon though. Yes, and they what looks like most likely unmanned drones flying through the night air Before that, they denied its existence. Stealth bomber, to me, I've seen them in real life. It was far enough away. If somebody doesn't want us to know, they're really not going to let us know. they tried to back-engineer the fucking craft,

2:23:49 i can't wait because i want to play with them you know what i'm saying like i want to see these Or didn't let myself read That's what, you know, I agree. After every UFC, we come you go, wait a minute, Do you know the baby arm? He fought Nick Ring, and he had him in this position. You just grab his wrist and you can break his arm. Yeah. He invented it.

2:26:13 That's Eddie Bravo named the baby arm. Easy. Look for me Not now. understand oh you get a whole oh gift horse you don't look at it in the mouth oh i get it you That's even better. then Ryan will be like is it like comedians but probably I think so, yeah. This is some serious fly fishing line, I'm telling you. Yeah, do this. And we do that sometimes.

2:29:24 He could put out anybody. A lot of mercy. and didn't let Rampage do what he was good at. fighting in 2008 yeah and when did he get to the ufc in 2009 it was like nine months later he had like six fights you know, these species, I'm looking at Shogun, the way he throws his punches, the way he throws his kicks. You know? But his fucking giant I'm proposing that if we mixed up a female Shogun.

2:32:07 So she's got these giant scars where she used to have breasts. like like what the hell like no i don't i don't even know what the big deal is i don't think of I think transgender people I think it's strange in general people just need to like get over sex anyway like i feel like it's like you make it you Control the violence and control the sex. They're trying to control sex and control violence.

2:34:16 What? inclination for people to try to shy away But for society to work, in order for people to show up at the Wonder Bread factory, In Japan, that's just like, yeah, you go to Starbucks, get handy almost. japan yeah if you're japanese yeah i think you can just there's no soap land places yeah you Yeah, it totally crushes your theory. It might be, but why does Japan really love America?

2:36:21 Yeah. You're not going to totally be, fuck America. Yeah, J-pop style j-pop there's That's what I'm saying. Well, yeah. Just about. And people are very disciplined. What's up? Like the team is smart. Is that possible? So they had to be more disciplined? but they try to do their job as best they can. But I think in America, people are like, I'm just saying.

2:40:15 Look at Gun, Germs, and Steel. As soon as a group of those Maori people moved to an island 400 miles south, i can go to a dot we can have special we can have and I can listen to him be a priest and I can go to a doctor. We can have warriors. Go try to domesticate a giraffe. Wait, you've never read this book? All right, good, good. I like what 4chan's been doing with him.

2:42:25 4chan i always hear about it i never go on it fun just don't tell anybody do it from starbucks right why didn't indians get in native americans here get into canoes come to europe infect us Yeah, almost 4,000 B.C. So it's very likely that people were traveling from South America. Oh, okay. I thought what I heard, maybe there's another They were from the Bering Strait

2:44:53 You're like followed hundreds and hundreds of years ago to stay alive you know they still wear skins you That would be my first thought. just to stay alive You would adapt just like any movie, like that Tom Hanks movie where he fucking shot a rat. No, I mean, come on, Joe Rogan. Lifeforce, right? That stuff's good. Powdered shit, I always put it in there.

2:47:24 Do you always feed your guys? Because in 30 seconds, you can learn 95% of everything you need to know. Super good for you. Their breasts are so There's ideas of I want to see this. Dude when that fucking kid Welcome How about that? If there's a real Jurassic Park, would you go? A T-Rex, man. I saw a T-Rex on the Jurassic Park movie. I did loose? You got to see a T-Rex. A T-Rex, man.

2:49:36 Otherwise, we won't be able to process it on iTunes. in the history of neck cracking. What do you guys call yourselves? Isn't there a band, the Ryan Parsons Project? And then on October 7th, we're in Houston, Texas at the Verizon Wireless Center. sharpening up your loads whoever thought your last name would be a coupon code growing up. Crazy, bro. Shit is crazy. Makes sense to me.

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