Joe Rogan Experience #1433 — Michael Yo Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Two. One. Michael, yo! I'm going on a big tour! Yeah. I miss it. I don't like it. my son never looked at me before oh it's a different thing right i don't know because i Really? Your wife. I don't know. I have to read it off i'm going to starting off in des moines iowa because someone's Well, Burr's a savage. charlotte north carolina las vegas woo fort lauderdale tampa and orlando i do florida like

2:51 Yeah, I'm going to, where else am I going? Okay. A guitar? Really? Designed to resemble back to back guitars Then I'm doing the Boston Garden the next week Are you doing any more dates It's not on there. No. No, that's all mine two. We got one in New Orleans and one in, it's not on there. Yeah. Do you ever want to not live here? you ski though i do but reluctantly yeah i only ski because they like it it'll mess up your knees

5:32 And so I went around her and I wiped out weights it's not you know it lets me know every now and then like hey fuck face settle down Stay on the easy – 80 pounds i guess yeah it's not that bad you fall like nothing happens they bounce right back up but If it was a fight, I would have doctor like checking my eyes with a flashlight do you have knocked out in football practice

8:25 I've always gotten headaches to see a doctor people have been alive And how long have they really known about chronic traumatic encephalopathy? He brought it to life. That's it. Got that. Why is the guy getting shitted on he said God damn it, media. subscription models for newspapers things like washington post new york times they have to be Oh, it's The Daily.

11:57 and they have 24 hours to at least tell you the good things they said on like yeah give me some you have politicians elizabeth warner bernie sanders like they're doing the same thing that that are written about bernie sanders and you know it's horseshit that's where like when you It's a certain number are going to believe it. That guy's got zero chance.

14:10 I mean, bro, this is like, look, if you have a car and you're driving it over to the guy's house who wants to buy it and one of your cylinders blows. Let's go. I really believe you had a lot everything else and just magnify those, you can paint a very distorted perception of someone. I like it. We talk about shit, but I'm no expert. And you have these people that are these moderators that are steering this thing.

17:37 in the White House. So if I'm Bernie Sanders, why would I tell you how much everything is going to some american people since obama was like that felt like he was speaking down to them? You know, but I don't think he was ever speaking down to people. There's some people that don't like him Listen, play this gonna tax you 25% and I can say another. Listen, you motherfuckers. We'll text you.

19:46 Wait. He's concentrating on concentrating on the things that intelligent people concentrate on. Wait. He's not talking about great philosophers or great historians. and Donald Trump's ego And that's what people I don't think all of what he's doing is just for him. His companies. You know? he's become successful. They don't feel like they're – they feel frustrated.

22:05 because they they are very valuable to him but why do they latch on to him so because they don't and he's got some questionable economic theories. see to me trump is so right like for that for that party he's doing You know, look, things are getting better, man. Like, I'm a critic of woke culture. I think a lot of it is ridiculous and I think a lot of it is tribal. It's the same thing with even woke culture. Like I'm a critic of woke culture.

24:28 They're trying to have less homophobia, less racism, less sexism. conservative people speak at universities in a debate that stuff is wrong but i understand what I don't like when people get mad when you have questions. book it's an easy read but the the four tenets are first of all be impeccable with your word Don't take anything personally don't make assumptions, always do your best.

27:21 in our group to fight against the invaders who want to take our women and our food. It's with everything. no one should have a gun or the everyone should have a con they're the same person they don't even realize it they don't even realize it they to think their problem is bigger than your problem. It's like, no, let's just say everybody has problems

29:14 And that's why you're doing that. Fuck you. How to talk to people where you can get them on your side and just certain questions you ask Well, it's about the how question. How can we lower this price? It's like you're playing chess here i know No, no, no You're just putting the onus on them. go through all these cues you can do and he goes i want everybody to know this is not manipulation

32:52 Well, you use drones, everybody's gone. It's scary. you would be like, that guy is a fucking psychopath that it was like this dog type of creature it was a big movie i forgot what the name of it was these animals, these mechanical animals killing everybody. And the movie had that, it was like this dog type of creature. Oh, you're right. The mafia can just buy robots now to go do hits for people.

34:59 they just send you to fucking jail they lauren hill you they just send you to jail they don't Give me a couple years to pay it off, and I'll pay it off. No. I mean, these taxes, man. But if you have IRS debt, fuck you. And I think you should pay your taxes. There's definitely people that grow up in terrible environments and impoverished, crime-ridden, gang-ridden neighborhoods, and they're way more fucked than I ever was growing up.

37:03 But I'm proud to pay it. So he was like 47. And here's the thing. This guy makes way more money than that. How much time did she do? You talk to a couple of people that are very convincing and charismatic and articulate Come on, son. That's crazy. Yeah. I know. You know how they have those things where you like see Keanu Reeves in a 1920s photo No, it's perfect.

40:27 Yeah. Yeah, that's close. The Bruce Willis one's kind of stunning. I don't think these are real. Not really. Goddamn time traveler. Yeah no Like him either He was kind of behind the photo Yeah, yeah, yeah. And real looking. So real. You and real looking so you can't tell so it makes it even funnier, almost like South Park-ish, right? The door's closed.

43:34 Yeah, that means But I can't go in the door. They're all getting grossed out. Yeah, here it goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Babies can breathe in the womb. the leak it's kylie's shut yeah isn't that nice And I go, oh, come thinks that, like, he has a hard time so you were told that God That's dead on. That's dead on.

47:22 I told him some episodes that I watched. Or was that? I don't know. Can we move on to greener pastures. Oh, geez. Ever happened on the pod? I don't know. like to be made fun of. You know that old expression about hoes? to tell you when they go out of their way to tell you about it yeah they go out right away from the beginning let you know that's a weird thing that girls have to do right because

49:09 Yeah. That's just one. He might kill himself. Have you ever seen the compilation of all the stars thanking Harvey Weinstein? When people think, God, why is everybody in Hollywood so fake? Is this him getting arrested? Why do they have to cuff him? The cuffing thing is weird when you, like, if someone's, I guess, maybe because he's That dude ain't running.

51:32 and they're convicted, Old video, apparently. That was one of the things that the court artist, there was an artist that drew him throughout the case. I wonder if that Walker shit's real. Look at that. It was May 2018. God. and then sign and then his contract had it in there you heard about that oh yeah like they Well, what do you mean kind of? The one they knew.

54:32 to this guy well here's you have some type of responsibility too yes but here's the question some girls are saying they're raped you don't think question you don't think any actress ever So you're learning from that book. privy to those stories i don't know how deep it got in what that number is This is right after Gwyneth Paltrow was – Harvey Weinstein made an advancement on Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt confronted him and said, I'll fucking kill you.

56:56 He, per Paltrow, he approached Weinstein outside of a play premiere in 1995 and he told him If you ever make her feel uncomfortable again So you're telling me it's not cross it's not great see that i think most people knew about that shit, and Brad Pitt was willing to kill him over that, which I love. thing about him where they said he's probably the most prolific serial rapist in history

58:32 yeah, what happened? This is probably a big shock. which is just i mean the mind plays crazy tricks on you right and when you going to someone who's It's like you have to. Yeah. argument you can't you really can't it's not valid it doesn't make sense it's it makes sense that out of his way to call other people to blackball those people and that's where that's where you're

1:02:26 and then you get passed. No, no. this is because there's a lot of people that go up that are not really comedy standard and someone Yeah. A lot of those guys that are promoting these shows, they really are not professional comics. and he was talking about he doesn't like going to comedy store So you're always playing home court now. much harder if people don't know who you are then you have to really win them over but you know i

1:05:37 Yeah, I get a little antsy. Because you got to be on edge, man. an arena except they're not cheering you on at the beginning they want to make me laugh you know write for over an hour i'll make sure i do that so i have two hours of solid writing the day of a Their wife's like, he's not even funny. I want to do a good job. You've already done the set five times before you even hit the stage. So you're like where so many people just

1:08:23 I know the beats. It gets a few laughs and it could have been better, any other version of it's been before and then it becomes your closing bit and that's so it's a it's a gym I'm still nervous. Like last time I was here, saying go dude you know when you work out you don't have to get big you could be shredded so I don't want to call it 45. And I found a place

1:11:16 And it's all weights. I've lost way a little more. Especially doing the high reps It's Ah, see, there you go. Squishy? we're getting big again yeah we know's like oh we're getting big again And I went over to the bag and I'm like, part of me was like, do I really know how to do this? right here do i really know what i'm doing like when you don't do something for a long time

1:13:54 Oh, yeah. but do you okay so there's that and then there's famous weird which is really weird and then this Okay. Like it's a weird freak done that in the past where i was only working like one or two shows on the weekend and that's it that's all I was doing for like a few years a couple years and my my performances suffered they did they weren't Yes.

1:16:03 It's the time you think about that as well. You can't just get 10 years worth of stand-up in three years you can't do it Everybody's equal. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. you know working in a fucking shitty office sitting in a cubicle every day suffering yeah and stand-up like having like greg has won multiple emmys he's had showtime specials and you know

1:18:17 So I did this whole lifting. And I go, if this dude can go through all this, Oh, thanks. And then it just dominoed into more and more things. somebody like it's just I can't remember what they threw it. me. No. Baby steps. I've had some significant results. It's gone. But have you done NDA? NAD, not NDA. I knew what you were making sure. No, NAD. Yeah?

1:22:19 No, no, no. I'm just scared. And he's like, dude, NAD, it restores cells. I bet you can. I want to know this routine. How i don't how could you stretch for That's that guy all day long, 24 hours a day. he's honest about who he is because of the fact Yeah. I was lazy. Do you think everybody, and he felt sorry for himself and it was terrible but all those demons now he has those motherfuckers

1:26:59 happy childhood is good and that's what i'm trying to provide for my family and i know that's what that drove me. I needed, I needed to prove my value. I need, I don't know drove me. I needed to prove my value. I don't know my dad. And so that became my life. Show me a man who's the son of a and a bunch of positive feedback from that parent if and then they wind up doing drugs and they escape and they give up he made it playful he made it fun for them and then when things were terrible and they lost they felt

1:30:25 Probably. Where's the Joey Diaz come from? while he was on acid You read David Goggins' book. parent or the the the dad that's always at football practice that's yelling at their son. Are you a competitive dad? and a bunch of other shit. Some of those parents do that shit, You're a big guy. But right now? I was like, well, he's on the smaller side.

1:33:38 He hits a golf ball like a beast already. So he was like, he was just turned to. Yeah. Coaches. Where is it? Watch this. Dude. Yeah. But my son just took to it, picked up a golf club. your feet he's doing that instinctively already got got it. That's amazing. He's mirroring. Take him to miniature golf and work on his putting skills, golf 100 pool i wish pool had a professional league i wish that would be like a little i mean for girls. If you could go back and play one sport, what would it be? Me, it's golf, 100%. Pool.

1:37:13 Like, if you go back I would see comics And I was like, oh, I can't fuck with this. huge part of my uh my youth when i lived in new york i played in tournaments i played every day Like, I've won tournaments before. i'm the most i've broken and run out i think i broke out four racks in a row and i think i ran Yeah. Don't. You get hit like that in high school.

1:40:51 documentary it's insane but also when you when we go over the stuff that's in cte mood and all the anymore you can't do it anymore or you're not doing it well and you're becoming the nail and not the hammer. Those are the ones you're getting rocked all the time. Look, I see football players. And now it's gone. I have all these different things that I'm interested in, whether it's playing pool or archery or hunting or any of these other things that I'm interested in.

1:43:55 those two guys are two of the very best bow hunters in the world, It's really – there's real benefit to that for to being a beginner it's it stimulates your mind in a way that when you've already achieved a certain right next to me crushing it crushing it little 90 year old old lady just fucking holding her It's all the more gratifying. using your brain because you're managing your emotions you're also using your brain because

1:46:53 i get at this thing now i understand how to get good at things that's what it is so when you do The synapse is fire. playing Spanish he's like hold on it is great for them man oh it's so good but but like my you know, the Asian eyes to my mom. And I'm just this dude that doesn't even – I lived in Miami for eight years and don't know Spanish. But I am, though.

1:48:48 Just listen to Spanish I started working out I didn't even know the dude spoke Spanish Like she was farting just respond in perfect spanish and they're like oh yeah he just signed a two deal netflix So he'll do like half of it in English and half of it in Spanish. Yeah, there you go. I will so now it's inspiring Beautiful. Yeah, it does. If they don't laugh at the

1:52:38 They respond in turn. I'll fuck you up if I find you. He's doing – broke the world record for the amount of chin-ups he can do in 24 hours. Really? Maybe I'm not going to. That's good Kool-Aid though. that's a good schedule. the acting thing is fine if you love acting like there's like i was uh watching this show last night that i'm addicted to the the outsider this hbo show i've heard of it i haven't

1:55:10 like they're like terrible comedians but they don't have punchlines you know terrible comedians understand why this person is doing it because I was here way before them. And some of them are good at taking advice, but most of them are bad. Never happy with anything. I don't understand, And what are you doing wrong? I remember that in pool. There was people that never developed the proper technique and i would watch them play

1:57:32 I'm like, what do you mean I'm too good, bitch? Some people never get it. I said, if I go up three times, I did. Well, you were, first night, you were already a radio personality. Like she knows because she's talking to me. I'm not hearing it. And that's how much I love it so that are trying to play the part of bob like are you reading for bob come on in here i'm michael

2:00:38 will and grace right oh jack yeah just jack yeah yeah so i did it right yeah if that's your example But no, they give a description. So you're really on auditions all the time, too. I love it. 50 to a hundred dollars for that one comic like that just blow that's how that's how the people I love Salt Lake City. they have two. They appreciate the experience where a lot of times I'll see, to me,

2:03:25 i'm so in it like that it's like you should be paying attention to that i get angry at people to those lineups like i run into people all the time they're like yeah we're doing comedy tourism it could have been Bruno Mars. you know and those people that are in that click they help other people yeah and i think it's that thing where with you They're all for you?

2:06:05 It's true. I mean, but it's not even just sell out a theater. and people just didn't know. But when you go that when you're a comic and all of a sudden you just pop like find out i think today it's the journey it was like chel he was already in full stride of like killing it and stand up then he You just need exposure. then because there was only one host of the tonight show and there was only one host of this

2:08:58 Hoping. I saw Anthony Jesselnik crush it in the main room. because the transition to the internet is a transition of opulence like There was a lot of backstabby weird shit in those days. for their meals but you have so much but you have way more fun it's way more fun man it's way more Yous any good? I was doing that in like the early 2000s. And then a lot of those guys step on your material too like say if you have a bit about your dad oh yeah a bit that's real

2:11:55 And, man, a host is just, I mean, literally 20 minutes of silence. That's so insecure that not wanting anybody to be good. Not so good. in case Joey didn't show up. Because Did he ever not show up? can you say the nicest human being i love him on earth i love him to death he's my brother every earth it's uh it's so satisfying to see him go and sell out the chicago theater chicago theater

2:14:48 No, he had to learn how to be that way on stage. He would do well, but he would tighten up. And if you ask him, he'd just stop giving a fuck. And he realized, what was I fucking thinking? and I wound up being on a sitcom. I'd be like, who is this fucking liar? didn't like it i didn't and i also didn't like the whole thing of needing people the auditioning

2:17:29 Is that the time where you were like, oh. Oh. No, but it was money. It was money and it was also and it was the biggest show in the like in the u.s at that time too at one point in time it was yeah and we did 148 episodes there was so And then podcasting. Because for those years in the beginning, it was nonsense. Yeah. I enjoy talking to people. Like, then I started to think like, oh oh this is like a major part of my life

2:20:30 Who's listening? it sounds crazy but no i get you i get you it it needed it like i don't even know if it needed it methods of extending life and they're experimenting and doing all these different And a lot of the other things that they're probably going to invent over the next three to five years, he believes, is going to be some giant breakthroughs.

2:22:53 your calendar age is the same, you're going to keep getting older that way. all these different things that are going on inside the cells. That's one aspect of it. My friend Steve Graham, a good buddy of mine, he used to be on the U.S. ski team, and his knees are destroyed. I do yoga, kickbox, all these different things with reconstruction knees. They're going to be able to inject stem cells into that.

2:25:31 in school how am i talking to these people like how did this how did all this happen how are You didn't start it saying, I'm going to do this. I go, they're not going to pay you any money if they don't make any money. Put me on your network. Yeah, and 99% of them aren't successful. That doesn't sound crazy. That is insane. 80 years old. how do you,

2:28:05 and he looked like he was deep in his 80s. I want to ask you about, and this may be out of time, and I go hiking through the hills. possible see i'm not i'm not like i'm no fight expert or anything so i just don't know if there's No, that's not what happened, though. Oh, yeah, 100%. Happens all the time. So he's carrying all that shit too. Did not have a broken eardrum apparently a minor laceration to his ear uh wilder did not have a broken jaw someone

2:31:37 But he got bombed on. He came after him. He went to the decision with, I mean, you can go down the list. 7th or earlier i think it's better for his life and his career that they stopped it he wasn't Yeah. Well, I think he just threw it on the night before and goes, oh, it feels good. Yeah. Maybe. How much of an effect is the question? just came in like what let's do this and just storm towards that rain you would see death coming

2:36:00 pick out the gate on this one you have to pick pick Tyson Fury. Yeah. Because I think he won the first fight. Although most people weren't upset with the decision because Deontay almost had him out. wearing his legs out. Well, that would be different. That different that's real weight you know if you just put it on you walked out there for 30 seconds you had this 40 pound thing on yeah i still would i

2:37:50 Yes. But Tyson said he was going to do that. I'm real excited. and Marvelous Marvin Hagler, and I felt like I don't see fights like that anymore. Yeah, it's just reminiscing. for boxing well I'm not a to talk to me should do some of them for boxing we've only done it for glory for kickboxing this we've done you One swinging right hand, and next thing you know,

2:40:54 Did I just get hit by God? it's so long and he's such a good boxer man no one in the heavyweight division has that kind of I don't know. It's on Amazon Prime, Blasian. And my mom saw it at Target. That's what it's called. I put the wrong date on there. 7th and 8th. That's probably why you subliminally, like why did they release it now on DVD? So, And I'm like,

2:43:44 Yeah. There's still Redbox and, like... Netflix still sends them. No, no, no. Are you just guessing? No, I know. I thought I read an article that, they got rid of it. I know people that do it. Use it. They got rid of it. Are you just guessing? Like, my mom didn't even buy my DVD. That's crazy. It's the most paused movie ever DVD, Blu-ray Just Netflix. Wait, renting.

2:46:01 Strange Times is on DVDs. I don't know. I think now everybody has good internet. Yeah, I have it. But my friend was like, yeah, man, I had a late show in San Diego and I just let it drive me home. So it changes lanes? There's a thing that you can get that I got that I haven't used No. It's the most amazing car I've ever driven. Yep. You hit that electricity and you're gone.

2:48:23 There's a holy fuck moment where I take people in my car he goes yeah it's called ludicrous mode It's beautiful. living in the future and one of those things i i my dad you he, he's a nuclear physicist and he goes, you will never see. I mean, you'll see the 30, the 44 years I've lived, the technology we've seen from not It'll always get better. A little better brakes.

2:50:35 Well, they have a new Tesla coming out, the Tesla Roadster, that's 1.9 seconds, 0 to 60. and I was like, wow, I'm flying. I was going 58 plug area where you can plug? Yeah, the house came with it you know get one are you into the kill a squirrel in your neighborhoods. It's a unique time. No, I'm not for that. And that was only 10 years ago. There'll be more features, but it's not going to get any better.

2:54:05 But why do you need it? What are you going to take a picture of that you need to zoom? How about you're at the comedy store and you see a fist fight down the street. You got to walk closer and get a good shot of that. it in and you can film it from way, way, way far away. No, I've never been to your bathroom. which eventually became It's perfectly framed.

2:56:11 and it says learn skills as though you're in the Matrix. Yeah, that's great. Good luck. Because out of all that shit, they still can't do that. I think so. Do you know girls are getting butt cancer now? Butt cancer? It was just all dented in and fucked up. but they wanted to be fat you know, And money, the amount of money where you don't have the disposable income to do it.

2:58:58 then they're like a hanger like there's no weird big tits and big ass that makes their clothing not stand out. What changed is social media. Because that's what I call it. That's what it is. such a bad move and you're you're ruining the thing you kiss with it's like your fucking lips It's like super distracting. Like, obviously, you see a lot of girls with fake tits and no one seems to mind.

3:01:14 Well, I was going to bring up, there's this video that's been going around. Wow. They're saying it does. No, it's like next level. What was that before? And it says before. Oh, my God. Stop moving shit around. See, that's the misconception a lot of people have about it. I dated a girl when I first moved to LA. I want to be like Tarzan. like, you know, she was in bed and I went out to the living room and I thought it was

3:04:32 So they would like for different girls, they would have the color that matched their hair? That's a common thing, the weave with the hair. people that people are losing hair like we're evolving right if you go if you look at all the us you know he's like he's more more savage but as people evolve further and further i think we're versus the Samsung Galaxy S20

3:06:28 How'd you do this? Life forms. If you're that far- And anything that's going to be intelligent and innovative, anything that's going to invent technology, the only reason why you invent technology is because you are curious. people doing the stock markets what is that a bunch of numbers that are bouncing around they're We're sending rockets into space.

3:08:37 No, they don't. They do. going to capture it especially if they're smart about it especially they're smart about how they the thing that was interesting to me You know, that's one of the big problems with the military is that NASA does not have access to what the Navy has access to, what they've discovered and what they haven't so you so area 51 what do you think is in there

3:12:07 that comes when, depending upon tectonic pressure, the earth can release this lightning out of the by a fucking UFO or something. Get that, Let me see this. there's different videos of ball lightning that i've watched it's pretty interesting shit man 500 years from now if we don't blow ourselves up or if they're different than us, you can eat aliens you just gotta take the right dose i always said i always said if if i ever do

3:15:33 Not interested? Huh? I don't want to do that. You and aliens, man. Like, this motherfucker needs a lesson. Yeah. People are fed up with the system. I'm like, no, you don't. I think he's looking out for the interests of the working people. It's a different thing. use. lot of things that your money goes to the idea that you we can't extend that and to have a better

3:18:51 They would be actually doing something good with it. It's not – That's a big problem. And that's why the Democrats are scared of him, too, because they're all getting paid as well. pass up a lot of people that have been campaigning. Jamie, what were you telling me about people getting paid to say things for him? to him whatever his thoughts are so really if they go against each other it's almost the same

3:21:30 and then we all got to roll with him if you're on that side. Because Bernie's old. I don't know her that well. fuck mike pence was before donald trump made him our vice president you go on the street and ask The vice president is more important than like an Obama vice president. No chance. And I think it's going to be harder and harder for established people,

3:24:06 on Instagram. Don't pay attention But Gotham is the main thing. Come on out. come on