Joe Rogan Experience #1438 — Andrew Santino Transcript

Transcript

0:00 You know who else carves guns like that? And hand carves them? It's not like, I want this on here. That's it, yeah. And then Biden. Do you know what I'm saying? That Trump speed. You see what he did for Mike Bloomberg? I say it on stage. Dude, he was ripping, and they were losing it. He's a showman. That's like you ripping an arena. Once he's out of the White House, he's going to be more popular than ever.

3:48 Do you know what Jimmy Tingle is? And he might not remember because he really did have Alzheimer's, remember? Let me hear it. if you knew that they adopted Right. At some point, How could he fight out of that? I think he'd probably get in trouble because a lot of his stuff is shutting things down and he could get out of order. And right and pound on them.

6:59 It's supposed to be someone getting to the bottom of it. Didn't even know what he was doing while he was doing it. I shouldn't say completely protected, kind of the East Coast this kind of started in New Orleans the documenters All the documents and emails are just like, these are big hitter areas, meaning like sell, They were like, oh, they're solving pain

9:07 It's part of being a person. This is the fix. And you get all these doctors on there that are like, that's impossible. Yeah So there's 8 hours in a day If you have to shit, hold it in. to make sure that nobody was trying to, you know, trying to bust her. We're all working together. day. Did you ever see... Who did it? report. I'll get you the people

11:14 so I could say it Anyway, awesome documentary that detailed what was going on down there. Hey, my back hurts. you see some soulless doctor sitting there just writing out scripts. And there's no computer system to check, so you just keep doing it. Everything. It's just crazy how many of them there are. I was hitting that button. It's awesome. So this machine's moving like this.

13:46 filled nyquil yeah when it fucked you up and uh i'd be high the next morning i was so high i was It was so bad, I had to go back to the doctor, and I was like, it's giving me crazy anxiety. night tremor spells and shit. he used to take Vicodins But I only took it once because it made me so stupid. I'm laying in my apartment. You can look it up, though.

15:47 you know they're like the triple the dose or whatever i take those things and they're nothing It's actually when I see like a redheaded black guy, I'm like, oh, man, double down. They showed about it. The 2004s to end on top of that, just the toughness of the Irish people. Like some sort of fucking ninja bike. Yeah, that's exactly. Yeah. Hitler's dream

18:34 this Nazi motherfucker you know Bro, I know a couple guys that are dream boats, If I was a girl, I'd be so excited to meet those guys. Insane. And he was really tall and classically handsome. He's beautiful. This is what's great about back then, though. Yeah, he kind of knows where the gyms are. Like, no muscle structure. Look at his. Look at that. No muscle structure.

20:42 His body is shit. He's so good. Did you see... And look, he's not trying to hide it. But that's why I appreciate this dude. He's just being an amazing actor. That fight scene was one of my favorite fight scenes. Loved it. Real disrespectful to Bruce Lee. He was an actor, but he was also one of the most important martial arts pioneers ever. and like some of those other like joe lewis who was a heavyweight kickboxing champion not the

24:08 needed to do it didn't thought i could get everything that i needed at there but i knew bruce lee was the only guy he was training in Yeah, he kicks him into a fucking car. when the opening scenes, he gets this guy. I think it was Game of Death. Was it Game of Death or Enter the Dragon where he wore those gloves, who designed them, but those gloves that Bruce Lee was wearing in, I think it was Game of Death.

26:21 And he taps him. If they had that in the movie, that wouldn't be a problem. He was the first guy to take some of the kicks from Savate, which is like this French kickboxing style. Because he didn't like him? It's like he does whatever – when he's making these movies, they're just wild-ass movies. Is there someone who transcended the whole art mean he's an incredible dynamic athlete who's very quiet and humble and was always kind of the guy

29:37 in-your-face and loud and boisterous, you know, like, All he did was talk about how good he was. He was on my friend Steve Rinell's podcast. just his humility was overwhelming. He never really was a loud, boisterous guy Yeah. So then isn't that still true without the movie shit? But I mean, like, can you not compete and still be at the top of a thing?

31:48 guys like dominic cruz or work with daniel cormier daniel cormier in particular was like one of the Like this is just – not to blow my horn, but I know what's going on. And some people can't see that. No, I kickboxed. I lost my last kickboxing fight. That was when I was like 19, 20. So you were way more engaged with boxing than you ever were with Taekwondo.

34:24 I'd kick them, and they'd be like, what the fuck? I could slam my legs into them That's a terrible feeling. There's so much mass in the leg, and they're so heavy. His name was Dangerous Dana Rosenblatt. And then as I was getting into kickboxing, because around 21 was when I got into comedy, right after my 21st birthday. You don't know how to protect yourself.

36:33 and I have to patch that shit up. were leveling up to like taekwondo just became kind of boring to you too wasn't that because understood but i love boxing watching my whole life same thing i don't get i still don't get And he would, you know, break down the fight. Deep shit. And they're way better than him on the field than he ever was on the field.

38:59 his acumen for the game is so strong, but also his opinions are so real And I think America goes, oh, shit, that's great. That's why in the UFC they do a great job with guys like Michael Bisping, who was a former middleweight champion. they can give real insight as to things this guy does, sad? When fighters become coaches You ain't training? You really never stop training because he's a martial artist.

41:13 He's sculpted. what a story to tell for a guy to get fat and then thin again yeah but that's different he's still a And I was like, I say this. them play and a piece of it killed me. You're playing a game. You're trying to win. They're trying to win too. The ball's going there. from comedy to ever be done? He's touring right now. The music bug took over, which to me, still the same parallel. He's still performing. got music the music bug took over which to me still the same

43:56 it just you know like the thing is if you can still do it right why would you stop you know Right. It'd be a sad moment to give that up. It just feels like he's a people person. He watches Fox News It's on loop it's mandatory. Lock her up. to my parents' house did you see what Ariana Grande these shows are opinion shows I think Yang. those fascists

46:45 See, I just wonder about his skin. in a man's face when he reaches a certain age, And I was like, this is Biden's brain cells. I forget what the gaffe was. Fuck it. Let's play it. We know these truths to be self-evident. Pause. This should get you into a mental hospital. It doesn't do it. Self-evident. all these any my biggest beef with anybody in the Democratic Party when you watch these debates is they all want to say the thing that they really feel, but they're tiptoeing because they're scared out of their fucking minds of someone going, oh, did you – Warren just said – see?

50:33 He doesn't give a shit. Yeah. You know, biological – I forget the exact – So you'll see there's a flag. It says, hey, Sefton Council, flag you're flying at the moment is a hostile transphobic dog whistle. It could be. it does because i i mean we should know because it's either one of two things either it's crazy to say that it's transphobic because all it is is the biological scientific definition of a woman

53:13 That's where you belongs. don't care if you're trans i'm happy for. If it makes you feel better to be a woman or better to transition to a man, He was tweeting it. But that's the problem is like, look. Are they saying it because these trans women are encroaching on female spaces like female sports? whether or not or whether you should discriminate them or be allowed to discriminate against them

55:51 What are you talking about, get out of here for a little while? I think the Earth needs to start and not recognizing other people's perspectives and then being like militant about supporting Why would I care? I think only uneducated people have a tough time accepting somebody else's needs or wants to be what society doesn't deem the norm. Maybe that's the thing.

57:28 You know what I mean? Like when we were kids, how many trans kids were in your high school? How many more bars are going to get lifted? You know, there's always like a kid that wears ears and prances through the hallway. You know, it's never like a, You look at his herpes-ridden dick. They're just in there jerking off in between. and I was like, I wonder how much they make.

59:18 Why? The figure himself was at charity events a lot. Yeah. It's for kids. I had that little dog Look that up to make sure that I'm not out of my head. He just doesn't talk. We had White Castle. That was our trash as a kid. When you get it, it's just way better. Always. The Founder? Because now you can only franchise it if you're a member of their family.

1:02:30 I'm happy. Woo, son. Don't shake your fucking head at Five Guys. Fatburger is pretty good. places. But here's the thing, like, how come I bet you In-N-Out puts itself in places where they know they're going to have- They cook it right then when you order it. I don't like Five Guys. Because it came from New York. Yeah, a gourmet chef made it. Steak and Shake, that's it.

1:04:38 Oh, really? Wisconsin does that. You know Chili John's in Burbank. Pacific Dining Cart. I've eaten at the one in Santa Monica. 36 years I've been on the earth, and you're the only guy that we go on tour together. let's go get a big fuck off steak. you know, they're like it's been great I'm bad with that It's so funny when you're young in comedy, you eat a certain way because you don't have any fucking money.

1:07:14 I think the real problem is eating too much food. I might not eat until two or three in the afternoon. Really, you should be moving around. Right. That's the best version. Well, especially after you're tired. Yeah. Yeah, you're ravaged. Eating right before a show is the kiss of death. Yep, that's what you got to do. Well, I used to just get to the hotel, jerk off, and then nap.

1:09:52 And if I start fucking around with those things, it could be an hour later and then I watch a YouTube video. But it does do. That's like the Seinfeld era of like, So it would be hotel, room service, knock, knock, I think the bubble that people had in the 80s is like people were just falling in love with stand-up comedy. So you go 40 years before them, you have nothing.

1:12:14 And then Mort Sahl does like political humor. He's like, what's going on? They just had a bunch of tricks and a bunch of like half duct taped premises. they all sink and they all went away like if you you go back to those days of the 80s and the early Hey! in comedy I just the fandom wasn't the same it wasn't people didn't lose it If you look at a guy like Burr or Ali Wong or, I mean,

1:15:17 Binder is doing a documentary on the comic store. And the – like those guys that I was talking about that were around before What am I doing right? Like you've conjured up some magic accidentally almost She's not allowed to listen to anything. She stays in her cage. Jamie, don't laugh at that. It's not funny, I don't let her listen to stuff. Yeah, she's not allowed to listen to anything.

1:17:10 I think you're allowed to laugh because I don't think he means what he's saying. Yeah. yeah i mean they wanted to be it was fame was so much more appealing back then yeah yeah ladies He didn't want to do the road. all the fucking time I had to as being in a room with people that fucking paid money to watch you do it no way i would give up I told them I would've

1:19:35 just to have the opportunity not used to, Baskets was a show on FX that GalifianX created. That's the problem. He's a wizard. Yeah. Yeah. David Tell. Yeah. Most of us realize that. They'll still make you laugh in the green room. It's real hard to see that this is ridiculous. When someone's like, I don't like when he does that stuff. And he's an Eastside guy.

1:24:16 dude, that line, there's so many different that you see at the comedy store to Hinchcliffe Laura Beetz, or Ali thinking, pushing out new, weird, fucked weird fucked up sometimes challenging shit because the store supports it like that's that's all it is but then you turn it into something that everybody accepts and it's great. you know how comedy works that was a seed he's working on a plant he wasn't delivering a fucking

1:26:37 that are on television all the time are the survivors of a school shooting and that they He would have figured out a way to expose how goofy it is and then she's on tv going how dare you and And they're going to stop going to school until someone does something about it? And they're like, push her, push her, push her, push her. in which case you should stop right just stop doing it because you don't understand comedy, in which case you should stop. Right. Just stop doing it because you don't understand it.

1:28:59 He wrote shit down. Maybe I know him. I know he has a very different story Is it gross? Some people don't think he apologized enough. But I don even think I don't think we know the whole story well Wave just swallows him whole. I saw. He definitely didn't do that. Yeah. I do not know if that's true. I don't know if the management did it without his knowledge.

1:31:57 they've paid this tremendous price emotionally psychologically when you let him out of jail On stage, that's like the only way I get away from all the bullshit. You can't subject yourself. You just take those things that you feel very passionately about and then just put those hashtags online on Twitter and then go look for conversations and go to war.

1:33:33 You can take both sides. I mean, you would never have a moment to sleep. I've stopped years ago engaging when people are like, is this how this is? it's nice to be engaged. Yeah, it's trolling has become a new thing. You're moving towards the lure. People get hurt. She's fine. She's dead. She looks like she got hurt. Women should learn that those fucking shiny bottom shoes, them bitches are useless.

1:36:20 So flat ground. I got to say, I like how she framed with her elbow and then did a roll. That shit's probably sore. Four and a half hours. 4.29. No way. So that's what? You feel a little nervous right now. That's very good, though, when she was 40, which makes me – she was probably on speed It's just kind of like, I understand. That's not what it was.

1:38:29 I can't find a recent one. She ran it for a late birthday. No, I run almost every day, but I'm not going to die. Come on. They're great right now. Well, no. people, those dudes who run those ultra No, your legs callous over. Running may be good for your knees. The failing New York Times? Okay, but there's little evidence to support the idea, and a growing body of research suggests

1:41:24 Carrying less weight is known to reduce the risk of knee arthritis. Okay, okay. go back, these volunteers visited I don't even know what that a lot like yeah that's different like that's explosive plyometric type movements it's not That was from 2017. ... What is the question again? The study finds that taking up distance running rebuilds the health of certain essential components

1:44:12 But what is that vulnerable part? There was one area it said. Question is, hmm. Okay, okay. No. See, you're giving me shit about it. You wouldn't do it you cut your meniscus. Have you run a marathon? No. Makes perfect sense. It breaks it down. Yeah, but can you fix that yet? is. I just get how privileged running is. Yeah, but I just realized that at the time of my day I get to go. I can run to the gym and then run home, and that's like a nice

1:46:20 You don't have to be, man. You can be a lone wolf. Diggory doo music. would run the 26 miles like maybe you run a track i know it has to can't be on a track track i've Quarter mile? What if you and Jamie have to bet? Yeah. So it would be pretty close to 100. No fucking way. That's you miserable. Are you thinking? You can do it See, I can do certain exercises high

1:49:33 When I get in this little mood and then I start to run, it's like a zone that I get into. How do you not like it? No, I hit the ground. and i tried to go around her and my legs went out from under me i hit my head hard like really It's not a big one. I got some stem cells And they put it back in? Yep. I'm fascinated what does that cost? I've sent many people to get it.

1:52:30 stopped hurting her it healed up trip it's not everything it's not everything there's a lot of And re-inject it in different areas of your body? I'm really lucky that I have a really good doctor that kind of like is very honest and very – I wouldn't say skeptical or cynical. I'm like, figure it out on Joe, then give it to me. issues um they've they've helped them with stem cells with Like CTE type of shit? Stem cells literally injected straight into your fucking head.

1:55:02 Holy fuck. and your wife's going to go, I'm crazy. You go back to a kid. Six one. We're not sure. I'm nine. You're ready to write shit down. I'm not two. Yeah, you just crawl right back in your mom's pussy. Okay, great. Do it once. Imagine being 10 years old today. how you could mind fucking 10 year olds Was with a neighbor But they play teenagers And she's like, her friend is like, call him an aardvark dick.

1:58:46 It's such a good scene. and so there's like 10, 12 kids at the house, He eats his boogers. The hormones are knocking on the door. Things are moving in. have you prepared that day on the bus because there's something on your prostate Oh, Natalie. What happens there? You'd rather walk home. Fuck that. I got a new thing now. Once you finally become a man and you don't have to do that anymore

2:01:38 you're a little ninja jerk Shut up. You're private. It's property. But he had the door open or the window open or something like that. and then they open up the door Vegas. Wow, those guys. I was always like, why? I had urinating in public. So stop. Right. I was pissing outside near a bar walking home. Yeah, but still. Where people will get drunk. Here's the difference, though.

2:04:54 Dude, San Francisco, they've ruined that place. That's the problem. Atherton is the big spot out there. What's in the center of the city? That's a lot of really rich people too, right? that happens in LA too. Yeah, there's nothing filled with tents Oh my God, it's full. Where's the human poo map. Yeah, it's just full. Oh, my God. Look at this. Yeah, they come back up because it gets in the rivers

2:07:07 Isn't that the Ganges? They did some strong arm type shit It definitely could have gone off the rails People got scared of doing anything illegal in the city. Yeah, that's a lot of people. might be underestimating and the school alone the high majority of that population. But isn't Boulder big like that? Yeah, so either fucking come over and get high with us or move.

2:09:21 Because those community organizers basically made it almost impossible for young and new businesses to open up that would be supportive of like bars or restaurant culture. What if your house was out there? That's like a Zac Efron, Seth Rogen movie. You know where you move. Yeah. Well, also, the dudes are the ones with the problems in terms of violence and explosions

2:10:41 Right. But that's what you're supposed to do when you're that age. those three years I'm gonna be Yes, Seven years. somebody? It's got to be in hotel management. That's what it is. They went for one buddy did agriculture. How much a year is FSU? Well, they made a fucking movie Yeah. He says he was an English major Exactly. Not even a baseball hat, you know?

2:13:38 He wears flip-flops everywhere. That's insane. He's made. though. Thumbs up. I fuck with slides. Yeah, I just can't do flip. I don't like the toe divider. It weirds. You know slides. I like slides. You like those better. I fuck with slides. What's better, Jamie? Like muscular young guys. Yeah, but for some reason slides and socks is acceptable where flip-flops and socks are not.

2:15:20 No, it makes sense to me. Nope. It's not like this is the only pair of shoes you have. I bought a Toyota Yaris. This is not true. That's insane You're not into the Gucci? How often are you wearing those? I've worn them twice Exactly She bought them a couple years ago They have tigers asking me that? You would never wear Gucci fucking slides. I have a pair of Gucci slippers that my wife bought me.

2:16:30 You know this hype He comes on. Out of line, sir. Who's that? He's a sneaker guy. It was something about his lifestyle, the lifestyle that he promotes. I've never seen a green Ferrari like that. Again, the car's pictured are Pline's own. Who do they think is buying fucking Ferraris? Oh. That's three days ago. Yeah, here's my gold Lamborghini. They have a store in Vegas, and they had $6,000 crocodile sneakers.

2:19:57 What's the dumbest where you're like, I can't believe I bought the $6,000 crocodile shoes. A couple thousand bucks. There's not something in the house that you're like, why the fuck did we buy that? I didn't make fun of it. Whoa. He mad at my Jordans. Oh, I forgot about those golf shoes I got, too. Are you still doing a podcast with Bobby Lee? That's great.

2:21:52 Podcasts are a thing for him. Who's the designer? We're going to. beginning, I think. This is an episode I mean, I gave Bobby an airsoft gun. Go to the very, very end real quick. They thought it was a real gun. to shoot the TV, Oh, so you shot a BB Bob does that stuff to me. How long did he quit for? No, he wants to stop How long did you smoke for I was like

2:24:34 That's because he doesn't want to drink anymore. Yeah, he went a whole year without drinking. I've done a month. October is my birthday. It's a thing. Yeah, there's a little bit of that, but it's good for people. I'm like, shit. Like hardcore. I was eating everything. It was horrible. In one sitting, yeah. I watched that scene 50 times in a row. And then I'd watch other movies, and I'd get bored, and I'd go back to that movie again.

2:28:52 And you start seeing stuff happening, and you're thinking, oh, my God, this guy's – get up, get up, get up. That's fucking wild. of something exciting carries you really far it's like music music music music for me when i go run I'm like, these fucking things. I can't do it. Yeah. Deep? I spit on it. No. Like if you can play basketball and you get your cardio from that,

2:31:01 Yeah, and then they have another game tomorrow. high-end cardio shape of all pro athletes. Imagine this is a sport where a big part of the thing is pretending you got hurt. If a guy walks in, flinches, and the other guy's like, ah! flopping in the NBA at all Why don't they check the replay before they ever do anything like that? Bitch. Because pink can be powerful.

2:32:47 Or if you're enticing some bullshit. Like taking a charge means if you stand still, someone's got to run into you. The guys in the NBA are controlling the game. it's like you don't want to really He said he was betting on advantages that he knew about, I think so. They don't think he did anything to somehow or another— I don't think he was betting on his own.

2:35:13 He bet on other games and then only bet on them to get a W. dude that's what I read in a fight in Vegas I don't understand why not Well, then the other side of it is, even on a one-man team, Yeah, that would be the thing. People have definitely done that. I mean, I don't know how many times they've been like let's find out how many boxing boxing judge arrested for

2:37:16 his team. Sorry, I misread that. Well, yeah, but that was Yeah. Like, if I was a fucking player and the coach said, I just put five grand on you motherfuckers, You know, that was the whole thing. Sports are all dominated by savages. That gets so much controversy, huh? There's no need to. Jesus. See, he's pretending that he's hurt. That's not a guy who's rocked.

2:39:40 So I could see how the referee fell for it. When a guy's swinging back with big, wild haymakers, he could win at any time. Or the, you know, the referee, I mean, he fucked up. You know, the fight just doesn't end when someone The referee's not a bad guy. He just fucked up. Because that ref's going to die for sure. Moldova. Moldova. Moldova. That's the other thing.

2:41:42 Yeah, the pressure is insane. about your show. You have a new show. I got a It comes out today on FXX and on Hulu. That's his parents that play his parents on the show. Turn this up. I just think it's funny. This is a comedy. why are you on TV and be like agent shields you from that You do. I don't have a choice. You seem aggressive. leave when thursday thursday i'm in philly all weekend where are you punchline in philly nice

2:44:30 and then a local, and then I've got Good luck going there. and then you and I There's still some tickets Thousands and thousands. Arenas? Like that San Diego 420 last year. It was awesome. Oh, my website's Andrew Santino, but it's Cheetosantino across social media. Show.