Joe Rogan Experience #1440 — Fortune Feimster Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Three, two, one. Our first date. Is this the craziest time ever for specials? Oh, because he's doing English and Spanish, right? and that was cool. will talk shit around him They color corrected it because it was way worse than that before. Oh really. He told me it was way worse than that. I with the big red rosy cheeks They want to do ya. But like

2:39 we're talking to people that are getting their heads Crazy. Yeah. and that's what she looks like normally. Beautiful lady. did it go? Five rounds. That's it? You know, it can happen that way where like there was a recent fight where Donald Cerrone can end it early right like football goes the distance yeah you know it's you're in for three We've had fights that have ended.

5:04 I don't even think they gave it eight. I think they said's five but i think it's three what do you do at the live It's pretty fun. He needs to go, too. We're here to see a fight. Oh, maybe. so you do that why do you guys yeah I don't know. They tell you how many people are listening? You hope there's an audience. remember when his show was on the e channel that's right's right. It was like him and Anna Nicole Smith's show.

7:40 Like a reality celebrity. Yeah. Yeah, they were trying to keep the money from her, Their ears keep growing. 150. I want more. Yeah. Yeah, there's a theory that the permafrost is going to release when it gets melted. Nature's like, there's too many. which has these, he was talking to us They were like dropping their shit on them or something. Right.

11:09 Bro. billion people and when you see the stuff that they're eating over there there was a salamander believe we do. I feel like they were always like, on those things. what are the mouths Is it? Clearly, they're popular because that's a lot of bats for sale. Look at the fucking teeth on those monsters. I like how when they die, their mouths are open.

13:32 and fill the coffee cup up yeah i have a little dog who will just throw up out of nowhere dogs had a golden retriever before. Yeah. That's my My dogs are like six and a half pounds. Yeah. Well, they're good guards in that they let you know something's up. I would want to learn how to use it first. Yeah. yeah and so nice and then the long. It's a rifle?

16:08 Yeah, but you know, in the chamber, keep your finger off the trigger. Yeah. It's like videotaping him and then disappears. it doesn't play the first time. How are they going to take that down? It down. Oh, man. Unavailable. You cannot see this. How are they going to take that down? I was about to say. It's against the law, I think, right? you're all right.

18:34 fucking repo guy man but yeah but then you hear stories about people getting sued like if they They've already made the commitment to enter your home by force. It's just, it's both ways, right? run everything. like, the biggest humans just fucking ran shit It's not really a bow. Yeah. These zombies are so soft That shit's hard. and you gotta hit a good spot.

21:16 No problem. That show I used to love. Yeah, when they killed Glenn, I was like, I'm done. I saw him out somewhere. Yeah. bats you to death. Because his son's gone, too. Yes. Because I knew Josh from way back in the day. he started, I mean, that's his thing. He was a standup. Well, is he still doing standup? If they ever do a Bill Hicks movie, especially with that haircut that they gave him.

24:37 I know. That he had gotten the show He kind of did, but not really. It's like some crazy wig thing. Like a dude who just pulls up in a Trans Am. I want to say like Heathercut or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. What are you up to? Some dudes can pull it off. Black guys can pull it off. Yeah, you can't do that. You're like, What's up with that? And he's like, I'm too old for this thing and he abandoned it yeah he abandoned it after a while

27:35 And you know why he wears it? I'm just joking maybe it'll slip off no it's airborne If you touch things, you're going to get it too, though. Yeah. They canceled that. Yeah. And like, are you canceling any dates? Right, you feel like you have to. Did you see their response? Have a bandana? He liked it. How does he have time? No, he's very hands-on. But that guy, his tweets have cost him

30:31 Aw. So he just took a little bit. Imagine talking to regular idiots. I know a lot of dumb shit. I just remember things. But if my wife tells me some shit, I don't give a fuck. I do that same thing. memorizing scripts I mean, you're on stage for a fucking hour. Yeah, and he looks at the notes and passes over them. Yeah, like a podium. Yeah. Okay, well, what do you got?

34:02 It's Jeremiah Watkins' show. jerry and um did he know these questions were coming? No. Did he say? if you have any questions. So I did that for a while. Well, because sometimes in that For sure. You just move on. How do you write, Fortune write fortune i write i go to the computer and write I heard you're a good writer from your speech from in college.

36:40 I was like 23. was more like what are you working on tell me about you know the project and what are you doing So you would write all day and then do comedy at night. you know just be a better writer yeah that's a great skill to have when you're crafting bits the end like some guys can get to, Right. Yeah, for sure. I see what that is. Right. Right.

40:44 Right, right, right. Because if you're just alone with nothing else and no distractions and you can look at the stuff like it just makes sense that you with focus to where it needed to be. Do you use a program one, it'll be the whole bit. Oh, that's cool. But I don't write in it. I write in Word or I write in, That one, yeah. There's like 1.7 millimeters to,

42:41 But it's horseshit. You don't fuck up as much. I'm telling you, they're the shit. It's easy. especially if you're spending so much time riding on something like that if you're just like surfing that I have over there. with that if they tried to mug me. But that's actually, and that's not unless I'm thinking But it's like the craziest words that no one's ever going to use.

44:57 How often does that happen? but i've never asked lesbians are so funny with partner why don't you just say my girl my girl It's like your girlfriend for a long time A couple years ago? It's just a partner's weird. your fucking partner? fiance weird it is weird because so is she is my fiance we've been engaged for over two years but I know. Yeah. Where the fuck was that?

48:08 Well, it's great for some people. like that kind of situation is weird when one person has the money, and you can tell And we all knew what was coming. She took everything. That's brutal. Why would she not want to be with me for me? Oh, yeah. And what's the difference? Yeah. They made him sell the team. girlfriend. So imagine if he said it imagine if he said it the other way everybody would be like well that's reasonable if he said

51:27 Like there's guys that want guys to fuck their girl. Yeah. That does not mean. It's the only person that will like talk to them like that. Yeah. I'm like, you don't have an ointment? strength. Never. I can't eat certain foods Really? Yeah, you definitely are. What about when you find a seed? Same with like raspberries. I just- Do it, bitch. Yeah, I get it though.

55:18 Yeah. Yeah, my partner. You know, you're just, like, then you're just, like, watching Netflix. But we both just, like, we got engaged and saw our engagement photos, and we were like, What's that? it off for a while and it's like over the holidays like seven pounds or so creep back yeah the This is the only time in history where poor people are overweight.

58:21 And that is actually good. Like, I buy these organic eggs. But that's also how they got whacked. Yeah. well we gotta taste this delicacy from i don't know detroit right well actually after shows is And the guys, Fred and David, have been in here before. Oh, gotcha. Gnarly. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Because they fuck so much. fertilizer and you scatter the rabbit poop and also the birds will actively peck at the rabbit

1:02:29 I know those little kids they like try to like people you know you could end up getting a much better education if you're a good homeschool whereas kids that go to school you're used to being around large groups of people right there's Right. Or you think you know more than everybody else. college shows like here and there it's once in a blue moon they're they're hard because you know

1:04:53 Really? fun, it was like a little auditorium, not a big crowd. That's it. They're successful. That's, Because there's usually more people where that is true than not. And so I had this conversation with the kid. He was baffled. I showed him. Yeah. Because there's nothing negative about it at all. It's explaining the joke I just told. But that one in particular is so ridiculous. Yeah.

1:07:15 I don't know any joke jokes either. I talk about life. I've had fucking comedians comedian like older comedians in particular say that so what Yeah, like, what would I possibly talk about? Yeah. And just, you know, that was when like no one was coming to shows. Because it hit them. What did make it turn back around? Yeah. got fired yeah the dipshit that was running it.

1:09:57 I was friends with him when he was a doorman at the store. sat down with paulie made nice nights with paulie became buddies again yeah and then i said fuck it Yeah. There was, like, you would walk down gross place. Well, it had a weird energy. Yeah. Yeah. It was Mecca. he left the store i think like a year or two before that he had a falling out with mitzi and

1:12:08 actually Martin Lawrence was there during the, it was like terrible. They weren't working comics. I remember the first night I came there, No one was good. just starting to do like the or and you know yeah it was an interesting time like whitney at least downstairs it was like that Bringer Tommy comes storming out. Right. Maybe the place took over him.

1:15:44 The darkness isn't there anymore. No. Yeah. It's very supportive. I showcased for Mitzi. is definitely weird yeah it's but it's real positive now it's a different feel that darkness at night or going after the show was over just kind-hmm. Yeah. Just kind of, you know, just, and I get it. Work for it, which I appreciate now. I was staying in the Oakwood Gardens apartments.

1:17:08 Going holy fuck I mean it's a big deal accomplishments is being a paid regular and that I got it before I was on TV. For some people, it's so weird. Oh, she was on too? Oh, okay. sure because i was like i don't want to live in a house with a bunch of stand-ups so i just we just got to do stand-up and then i started touring after that and then 2011 i got

1:19:58 That's great, though. He's so down to earth, like still. Yeah, he's always got a, he's in shits on himself. Yeah. cool to be able to sit down and talk to the different people that are doing it in you know One year, all town. I did not know that. Well, because you don't see it coming, too. that can get away with that. Yeah. do dark comedy, Like, there was a, like a LA Times, I don't know what it was, they were interviewing,

1:23:02 He's another guy, Sebastian is. I mean, you've seen so many different iterations of it, but, like, dudes are selling out arenas. I don't want anybody to get annoying. That fucking dipshit It's me! And I'm all like, I hope I get upgraded on American this weekend. That's what he wants, though. It's a rolling. But I mean, that is, it is a walk. That's what he wants though.

1:25:01 Like, I don't think he cares. But, yeah. I talked to him about it. Yeah, I'm like, Oh, I didn't know that. It wasn't a bad thing. And I could do the store at night. And look at the level he's at now. I'll tell you that's one of the hardest things in this business You might fail, but the risk is if it works, it works like five times. I have a good philosophy on how I do my thing.

1:28:15 You're just not going to And the podcast thing just sort of like became like a support. Oh. I had just come back from that. I was also depressed. Yeah. Oh really? People are not supposed to live up there probably. You know? That's awesome. Exactly. stand-up when did you when did you go like i don't need anything else um i mean i would i like I said, I started touring in 2010, but it was like to, you know, small clubs and...

1:31:16 I wish I had middled. I was doing shows constantly around town. Yeah, he's done so many things. That weird HBO thing that they did together. but i did a lot because of my improv background with groundlings i did a lot of crowd oh well Oh, that's awesome. But, like, for as far as, like, a good set, it was, like, 30 minutes. How did it? Oh, really? Yeah.

1:34:31 What do you think, though? I mean, I've done a lot of acting the last few years. I did the Mindy project for three seasons and some other And I ran into Bill like a year ago on the road, and he was like, what are you doing? It's like I'm doing these cool theaters. That's really cool. I appreciate it. When does your tour start? Nate Bregazzi was like, you should do your new stuff, do as far as you can, and then

1:36:48 What do I want to say? that was all cooked with weed. I could barely walk by the end of the night. Well, if everybody's high like that yeah So I just made myself pass out. There's not too much. Start right now. Yeah, I learned how to. Just take a little bit of that. This isn't rocket science. Did it go in? You know Chappelle? Like he's never smoked weed.

1:40:33 You're supposed to hold it in your mouth? Nothing? You don't need it. Hi. The stuff out here is like beyond, beyond, right? That was the other thing. Right. Oh, because he just- That's crazy. Oh, yeah? Yeah. For real? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. enthusiast. This guy, Dr. Mike Hart And. For sure. Yeah. Per container, right. They're not making these things in a lab right next door to a place where they're making microchips.

1:44:57 Yeah. I'm sure. Oh, I would trust the grandma. Wait, I know, but he would take four, right? That's crazy. I was like, oh my god, I was so high. He's my favorite person. I think people have different brain chemistry, right? Right. 98.6, yeah. it's not probably the exact same. You know what I mean? Right? it's not an exact science right right there're always trying to find things that work for you.

1:48:39 and they found they didn't need it anymore. But the goal is to get you feeling better than you feel, right? I don't want to be running around like a maniac. and it just knocks their already shaky cart off the trail. when do these people experience these bouts of schizophrenia? Is it directly It's like the federal government has to approve whether or not you can test on shit that's Schedule 1.

1:51:08 what schedule one is all the good stuff it's mushrooms schedule one is mushrooms all the it's like i don't know i can do that and go okay i don't want to do that ever again Yeah. Well, it's really interesting to think how other people's looking through create wild art You know, there's a different part of your brains affect those. and fighters and some people with

1:53:47 within an hour of San Diego. Right. Like, I suck at writing. brain and helps your brain heal itself. Future hot look. Like the hot look used to be like the, the bigger the person, like if a king wasn't fat, he wasn't attractive. Like kings wanted to look fat because that would mean you had I don't even know you could, Yeah. Yes. I think you lose the ability.

1:56:39 Yeah, I've heard that. You would think I would have read about that. I don't know if it was brain or not. stuff's trippy that's weird that's what i was saying earlier it's like everybody's brain is Your brain's different. And you can tell when you're talking to them. Yeah. You know? That's always like if you can think on the positive side. That's not physically possible.

2:00:37 like that that's physical reality it doesn't matter how much positive You know, God invented people. Or naturopaths or sometimes you just need medicine. I'm sure there's real naturopaths out there. are doing jack shit they're like just drink just drink celery juice. Like homeopathy? There's a certain amount of you just believe in you got some medicine.

2:02:03 There's a certain amount of that. can prevent diseases. Yeah, I think if you believe that, you know, Yeah. Yeah. You gotta really believe. Oh, you got the answer? Yeah. Yeah. Like, stop fucking around. Is it like raffle tickets? money afterwards and now we have a house we have a car and they get these people convinced if i just Meanwhile, the preachers are flying jets.

2:06:36 Yeah. He's like, okay, poor people. Making things happen Oh, that just came out. Look at that. Drink Drano. I think North Carolina. So he's just going to sell it from his website. Yeah. Rest in peace. You letting somebody drill ink into your eyelids. What do you want your face to look like? Jennifer Grey. Lips are real hard. That's so painful. Lips are weird, too, if they don't match your face.

2:11:23 Like, let's keep this party rolling. That's probably, like, people have trends, right? She fought Ronda Rousey for the title. Yeah. But the problem is apparently it's just like everything else, Is that the word? Well, the trend right now, small boobs, big butts. Yeah, pretty much. This coronavirus turns out to be just like the flu and everybody just gets the flu.

2:13:31 Right. scientific innovation like how much time it takes to figure out a new better way to protect from Spooky shit. Because we know about colds. dollar thing jim baker was selling but why is why is it less scary to have them die of disease It's a demon. Like silver bullet, fucking stake through the heart. You haven't done shit for the demons at home!

2:16:44 cancer you know if we've thought about all that shit like demons we'd be working harder to fight Like you've calmed down with something. Yeah, right, right. Because cancer is a disease, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a lot of people get cancer. It's a fucking demon. Spanish flu. Shapeshifting demon. These good shows do like 8 or 10 Really? He does that a lot.

2:17:55 Yeah. Catch up, bitch. Streaming. Catch up, bitch. To wait a week for these shows is so, it feels like a month. Netflix just jacked the whole system. Devs? Oh, Jesus. Just came out. Exactly. He would want to know what's behind the simulation or what's beyond the simulation. You mean like who's controlling it? Right. Have you done the Oculus thing? There's boxing games. There's games with swords and shit and you're sw this fucking world. Yeah, you're in a world. You're in a whole other place. Yeah, you can play all these games. There's boxing games.

2:21:00 If they keep going with that. But back then, it was amazing. these places like that you can exist in. Yeah, if we don't get eaten by the demons. I bet they would do that. Right. each other well when Trump was fighting with they're right next to each other and they hate each other and they get mad No disrespect. There's a dude who fights in the UFC.

2:24:15 That so identifies you with that part of the world. I fucked it up. And he's from that part of the world, too. That's so American, right? Pete Jones. Oh, you're Shoemaker. But some parts of the world, they have fucking gallant names. this long name can be represented by Imagine having to learn that now at a grown age, as a grown up. what the fuck. of saying stuff.

2:26:45 it's no longer nonsense yeah like look at that and don't they read from certain languages read They write something in it. They don't teach handwriting anymore. That's amazing. Of course, though, it just makes sense. If we were thinking that people have And it's on top of each other. It's so much more interesting than ours. And Spanish is all using the same letters that we use.

2:29:24 But the thing is about other countries, a lot of them are bilingual. And a lot of them were coming from other countries, from doing that, processing two languages. Like, think about all the weird like every time i visited italy i'm like how did all being a translator, but they're just like, I used to know this dude that I used to do Taekwondo with, and he was an international shipment guy.

2:31:47 I think you hear things like you are just able to translate it better. think certain people have, like, the gift to do it more than others. Yeah. So it becomes almost like a part of who you are. you're learning in your 30s, And he has so much understanding while they're growing and evolving, it seems. They start young. I can't sing, but I feel like there's a lot of projection and energy involved in that.

2:34:30 But if you started younger, it does seem like you would be at such an advantage. Yeah. Yeah. If it's fucking good for you. So you're just like from day one, you're a piece of shit. school fighting with my brothers would just come out and i would beat somebody up. like, oh, you're a So. that come from i'm like my brother that's hilarious yeah that makes sense that you that would lead you

2:37:42 And you just go, all right. I eat shit. You got to sweat through it. God damn, they're valuable. Yeah, because if people were just laughing, it's not making you get better at that thing. yeah it's a um it's a weird thing we do and it doesn't get any less weird Yeah, doing stand-up that's cool. they're trying to figure out where this goes and then you can see how much of it is new and how

2:40:37 and he'll give me one too. And he missed the part of why it got such a big laugh. Yeah. I love that. yeah because burt burt was doing that with me he was like oh you said this thing I got to listen to it. As soon as you hear it, you know if it worked. from there and hope that other people find it funny if they don't you jump ship try a new bit I want them to be like, oh, I felt like I was in that moment with you watching it happen.

2:44:19 it's fun part of the fun of what we do is the fact that we do it in front of an audience everybody's things about what we do is it has to be done live and then it has to it has to be done live. And then it has to, it has to learn, you have to learn how to do it live. Yeah. You got to practice it live. This is what you're getting. Yeah, for sure. I've been doing, hitting different clubs, probably three, two to three a week.

2:46:32 look at how you said that gay shows what's with the hand what's the hand movement i just felt I mean, I really do. if i i could just go to this alt room and kill and be like but you walk away going Well, I'm trying. well i i really i think that's why you're so good i really do and i'm a fan i think i think one of the this is not happening like holy it's like a whole other level and it's so great to watch oh thank you yeah thank you very

2:49:54 Fortune, like the cookie.