Joe Rogan Experience #1448 — Joey Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 And we're live, Joey Diaz. February 29th, it was at 50% capacity. you were at 50% capacity When I went into the green room, bro, and I saw all those people in the green room, Yeah, they're going to have to have guards to get in there. I went to a doctor for a shot on my knee to get the gel for the arthritis. they're like fucking neighbors. and then I was just going to sit in my hotel room for two days,

2:34 I sent them a picture of my knee and I went to the garden on the side. But while I was sitting there, it was a Tuesday. I mean, it's like maybe 10,000 for every 10 minutes that you sit there, people that walk by you. I just kept cutting it down. I could do that. How far is that? Did you do that one? That's a good escape. That's a good one. Did you do that one?

4:53 And then you go another six-ish, somewhere in that range, you get to Salt Lake, depending There's nobody there. I love it. Great Mexican food. There's one famous Mexican spot that's nothing. 200,000 and they offered me a spot in the OR. he's not showing any symptoms and he has asthma and Because you really, listen, you know a lot of people, He got real sick.

8:05 If you don't have it, if you don't get it, you can kind of like, oh, well, this is no So it's weird. Take a chance. And then boom, a bunch of people in your family get it, and then boom, your grandma dies. They all lived together, and they hanged together. The Futsko family, God bless them, from Freehold, New Jersey. No. I went to one boxing class after that thing was announced,

10:05 person and you want to work out, there's so YouTube. There's so many really good You know, people have things laying around. So what I do is I hit the bag. Hitting the bag. Hitting the bag is very essential days there, dog, I was getting but more magnified. It's like, We were home. But you felt it while you were on stage? I know. Right in the middle.

12:41 Did one show, 8 p.m. show. You'll never shake that. realizing even in asymptomatic people, people that don't get the spray these it's weird it's a fucking weird virus man it's real weird real weird They're thinking that vaping might have something to do with damaging some people's lungs or cigarette smoking. When they say they have deaths, like how many deaths they have out of China, do you believe those numbers?

14:53 So who the fuck are you trusting? They opened up the movie theaters. you touch is eventually going to kill you? But now we know that this can happen. That's how thin it was. It just started moving like this. instantly it just becomes pliable it's weird i saw the cat drinking water and all of a sudden i saw They're done. You only have three? I was feeding.

18:13 three girls. All the We should all get out of here. of Denver. You know what I mean? Everybody's opening up a club Oh, six months ago or so. What does it make you realize that we can do anything? Buy two cans of creamed corn, buy two cans of this. Oh, yeah, we forgot about those. And in grammar schools, you had to go down to the basement. Your family came over here when?

20:55 So they were already hip. We were living in a little fear. what fucked with me was the Yoel Romero Because of the virus? I asked him if they were cool. He went in a group. Well, he probably planned a trip to Italy long before he had a shit. That shit. That shit. Well, you just can't. I know it is I didn't say that but he had to go ski. He went to a ski trip in Italy. Right, but also in Italy.

23:38 No. No, I only ski because my family likes it. Okay. See, that's the other thing about the store So that started giving me the willies that night. And we're all going to be able to donate. But a podcast, not stand-up. Yeah, you need that energy. It really doesn't work. Like at 10 o'clock are you like, They have an 11 o'clock, 10 o'clock video conference at 11 o'clock.

26:07 And everybody's on a schedule. Because you weren't too exposed to them? Like I was so fearful of that plane ride to New York that I was getting fucking gazilled. I know how the food service industry works. They do, however, test more than California, so they're more accurate in terms of their numbers. I know all about it. You know, you go to a movie theater, you walk out,

28:58 You know, I got to feel bad for Disney losing $6 million. It's changing for a reason. That's the big one. Snowy places, real cold places. There's bears up there. Your immune system is something you can work on. It's just great for you. It's something that everyone can do, and this is the time to do it. dying and my mind going You don't need it. Yeah, she has a little inhaler.

32:27 Wow, your mother's hard. Let's not even talk about that. Like if I smoked dope with me, you, and Jamie, and somebody else, So I had to be very aware at a young age of who I smoked with. You know, and you wind up fighting sick. A week ago it said it was like 20% though. And then I looked on it and it said pet. I take enough supplements, vitamins, KTPF.

35:31 I'm enjoying the time. That's what was fucking with me the first week until I had that little nervous breakdown So what I would do is i'd hit the bag 15 I just focus on my breathing. Oh, yeah. I did a little Novotor, which is the red lights, until about 10 days ago. go over there and make a few calls. You're running right into it. And they all run in the same direction, 10 feet away from each other.

38:11 You can get a little workout in. wife a break and I just take her for a little stroll. 9.15 for a reason. Really? You can't walk attention to him, but I am. I'm watching He just looked at me, and I felt Yeah. Don't come close to me at all. face mask with these giant gloves on. So they've become paranoid and they're not even living their life. Yeah.

41:03 I got lighters until the next millennium. No, if I tell you that tonight there's a concert, You can't just, you know. Every day there's more cases. And there's people like the lieutenant governor, I think is who he is of Texas, who is like, we should take a risk with older people just to get the economy back in line. Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick.

43:21 Yeah, you didn't have a plan. He was talking about how the NBA, did you see that whole segment where the NBA, It was support for Hong Kong. China, I think, and then everyone jumped on them and like money over people, I think. Rome used to run everything, right? where they're living under a military dictatorship. You need to recognize that this is kind of fragile.

47:03 The guy who's running for fucking president for the Democrats can't talk. You want a guy to run for president that makes sense? There's always a knock. The issue is late-term abortions. He's doing a great job. Are you a scientist? And he says that it's a fucking nightmare that you have to from other stuff. So mercy's coming breathing recirculated air with a bunch of people partying.

49:43 No chance. Play blackjack. It's a death sentence. Yeah. Spoke to him yesterday. Yeah, that motherfucker. a badass bike, too. Soon as they got Kwame, I was happy just for Alonzo. First of all, he'll break your hand. He's a tank of a man. They can't let that guy run for president. I'm reading something the other night. She's a Puerto Rican chick. She won't shut the fuck up. Sheortez. Yeah, she won't shut the fuck up. She's a Puerto Rican chick.

53:05 And then they took a bunch of my bits and they took a bunch of things we said on the crazy it's it should be criminal to not tell somebody. Yes, that's what I did. a guy with his balls, and she wants to do it, and he wants to do it, and they sign off on it, That lady's a beast. That's rude. Like I had a bit about it where I said, never do what I think as a society we could get to a point where someone would say, hey, man, I don't think it's cool if you get your dick removed and then beat the fuck out of chicks.

56:24 you know, my name was Hugo. What would he do if she's a man? Yeah, like right before the wedding, she tells him, you know, my name was Hugo. I'm ride or die with you, Hugo. with this Joe Biden guy. There's a few of them. Why doesn't he just act like a president? It's not, that's not even the worst example. No matter what. OK, I'm looking at this like, OK, when I'm calling a fight and I see a guy limping and I'm like, I think he hurt his knee.

58:50 Because if I was high, I'd be like, He's very old. Governor Cuomo. It's too many people stacked on top of each other. breathing whatever he's breathing. I breathe that Hudson River air. That's good for you. was the one that got contaminated. Like Hoboken didn't give a fuck. Somebody had a meme on their page. And there's someone going, hmm, like what?

1:01:45 Like there's been some weird people. You know, why the fuck did Harvey get a test? He probably has no will to live. him four years ago and said, I want to show you Everyone shouts you out. I just want to thank that praised him? They knew. they all knew. What do you mean? She said he would actually give them the things he would tell them he would give them.

1:04:14 but really they hated him. shit to them. It's just Everyone. I think everyone did. One of the people said the producer did not have symptoms and was under close observation. I got locked up when HIV was starting to get popular, 87, 88. How come? But, okay, so when you. and then there's a disease that everyone's terrified of and everybody in that movie was a movie star.

1:07:25 but let's just go with France, to New York. If you watch that and the band played on. No, no, no, but they'll tell you who's in it. Just go to the movie on IMDb. So there's the starring. Phil Collins. It doesn't say which choreographer. Right, but find out who it was supposed to be based on. Oh. when he played the coke dealer on the fucking boat And wanted dead or alive.

1:10:28 Yeah, she's married to Kevin Bacon. And I watched it from the beginning, and now I know why rape That rape scene in that movie fucked me up, so I started watching my mom a lot more. You were like, go get him. Right. Oh, this could never fucking happen. Charles Bronson was a bad motherfucker in that movie, too. Look at him. A bunch of guys are doing, they're in the swamp.

1:13:05 So they run into these communities of people that live deep, I guess like Cajun people. And they shoot at someone or something. It's a good fucking movie. You know, I remember this movie. It's a good fucking movie. Booth. He was in a lot of movies, man. Is that right? Keith Carradine, that's right I blame the weed TK Carter used not Kirkland. TK Carter. Sorry, TK Kirkland. I fucked up.

1:14:57 He was always doing movies while he was doing stand-up, So it was 12 years after that. and that you know who he is. He's That's Stallone puts him in all his movies now. Right there. And in the beginning of Beverly Hills Cop, he's the guy that has the truck that Eddie Murphy's going to rob. Dennis Farina. And De Niro's a bounty hunter. He's still looking for O.J.'s killer.

1:18:30 They did the bomb word movies. it was a beautiful script, but somewhere along the line, He's Australian, Anthony Lompaglia. So they let him be the lead. It's just a great movie. Who? Vinnie Curdo. We talked about that. Marvin Hagler? And then there's somebody else who's in it. Like, last minute, the funding fell apart and the movie deteriorated. tough fighter very tough I read his other script and it's better than that

1:21:39 It was very hard to run up this hill. The kid died. festivals. I gotta tell you, it was another Academy Award winner Harlem Nights fucking... Richard Pryor black exploitation. that I love. I fell in love. I got an idea, man. He goes, it's going to be all right. and you just wished you could get up there? And I'm like, but the only obstacle I have do them and make a living and pay for a family.

1:25:35 You know, I watched. and I was laughing. I watched that for a little while. That was my plan. Yeah. It's not even close. If people can go to the show and have a good time and not be at risk, I would love to do it. It's so strange, man. is it your responsibility do you say come at your own risk you know i mean what if you get it when with your friend at two o'clock in the morning and laugh you're gonna appreciate it cars on the

1:29:47 So we got like September 11th and then all these years of war, of course, crime, of course, but that could change at any moment it really could and we got to use this time to be nicer to when you're forced into a situation like, like now where you literally are nervous about your survival. There's a lot of guys listening to this right now that we're hoping for these weekends coming up so they can pay their rent.

1:32:06 They called him and told him they were shutting this is really funny, Yeah, chasing down cold cases. And say, we had to do this. First off, listen, if you can't do business, I can't take your rent money, Well, even then, even if you do, you'd be like, let's hold on here. Mind your business. I got nothing in July. So what you mean to tell me is that Motley Crue,

1:34:52 to Salami. He talks to, what's his name, Every day we're not at work. but so is the rest of the world, right? Some of them, yeah. Fucking Yellow Submarine. I got to get out of the house every three nights And I don't know what I'll be on another plane again. Have you been focused enough to really write the best stuff you've been writing? I'm waiting.

1:37:26 You see that video? Right. Watch, nothing happens to you. Well, him and the other kids they interviewed, too. All 20 of those girls just spinning into each other's breath. Something I haven't done since like the fifth grade type shit. cups. They're going to fuck. What about the dude Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's nowhere to go in the world. And they're going to be duking it out like in an empty place.

1:40:19 Legitimately, they could set this up in a film studio somewhere. And it was pretty powerful. Taking notes. What if they have it and they're like Idris Elba? I got to be honest with you. At first, for a couple days, I was mad at Dana. Three? This actually might be the fifth. That's the first thing. It's the fifth time. Just pay them. That's it. They watch from home.

1:43:57 Okay, so let's spend a minute there. Guys are grappling, and I don't know if someone's trying to get a submission or what's happening. We need them right here. Bruce Buffer, he could do a long distance, too. Of course it does. I know. They sell the biggest commercials of all time. So I'm talking 10 fights. and just do and everyone's negative, I think there could be a 21-day something.

1:46:42 There was O'Hare, too. You had to go on that line. So I yet. They have some. They know what it is. afterwards this is the world we're living in. I think people are less worried about bullshit right now, And he was from Israel. And I went to eat dinner at his house once. He used to go down and train with him there. And he was from Israel. He goes, because every day over there you can die.

1:48:44 we'd talk about how hot you know that right oh yes Yeah. just got fucked. You know, we've got to look out for each other, looking out for the people that don't have any money right now. Because they're not lazy. They just got fucked. I was going to say don't take that shit. But it has an effect on your gut biome, and it causes inflammation on some people.

1:50:42 people that really get into that ibuprofen shit. aspirin. But leave and all that stuff, Yeah. So Cam was on 800 milligrams of this shit a day. So he gets off of it. No more pain like when it comes to your health. A wake-up call for taking care of your meat vehicle. Take care of Never? on older people though I would love to do heroin that's where it ends for me.

1:54:01 the truth that I've You know, the last time I was at the store, More people grabbed me that night than ever before. But now we're learning how to live without, which is crazy. You know, we all do. And the last run, this last nine years has been a run. No, but you got to write. It's like, what are you going to do? There's no people there. We're still not, look, Justin Wren comes here

1:57:05 some he has some new parasite that they don't they haven't identified they don't know what it is constantly doing that like that guy is so happy and so friendly and i think one of the reasons You know no one's sick. Get in a sauna if you can. Nobody knows where to fucking go to a sauna. exercise in a hot room you kick up your immune system you don't have to do anything crazy but

1:59:34 after benefits of working out, Yeah. Like all your chakras are blocked, like shit like that. That's what happened to me. myself like I always do or I'll go to Brett's house all right you know Brett Oh, fuck skin. Yeah, he just got off maybe a week ago. Fucking 6 o'clock comes. an irregular heartbeat. Xanax, whatever. I take them most of the time between you and me.

2:02:48 I ask him for like maybe two prescriptions a year. Morgan Murphy, yeah. what had come out of my mouth. You have to go up next. No. because that was fucking phenomenal. getting a stroke. pulled the car out of the driveway, I started walking in and out of the house Let me wear this shirt. Come on. There was a dude there who was turning me on to medical shit,

2:06:17 I was just having a fucking Get off. That's how bad, when I get anxiety, I gotta pee. My body just went into shock. Even if it's gone, it revisits you. and just take my dick out and piss. I got to go to the bathroom before, Well, what does it do? When I got into comedy, all these jerk calls, Don't worry about it. they were getting Xanaxes from a pharmacy.

2:09:17 But it always, because I got into a contest. Don't worry about it. What does it do? you're going to die. you ready? So for me to be around her, Because I would drink with them. I would You're not supposed to drink on them, right? on to it till it uses it again is this science yeah you know what i'm talking about here you yeah. As your body starts heating up?

2:12:23 They'll get me tired now. And then sometimes I'll remember to take it out I'm going to tell you what I just realized. that when you're doing the So your balls shrink? They're not putting any work. If I went to dinner with Joe Rogan, more than yours. That's how bad it was. where I heard too many things. Like I was getting high Have you tried that yet, Jamie? Yeah. so it makes things sound louder than they are like you can

2:16:13 There's microphones on the outside that like flip the frequency and it cancels it out. That's like the intensity of the sound is more. That are close to it. It asks you if you want to connect. There's another level you could probably get into that I don't think you have in-ear monitors, of sure uh headphones for they work on my laptop they don't work on iphones anymore obviously but

2:18:32 and then the other kind. Most of the time, I You know, if you have a Bluetooth setup. And when I do it, I probably have some of my the time I get to the comedy store, my brain is listen to a lot of my sets but i also like the guy like doing that before shows like listening driving to a show and listening to a set And I said, how can I do that as a stand-up?

2:21:02 You do know that. He got through to me. You know what I'm saying? You can put yourself in the state. I'm telling you I'm writing or whatever. I'm not writing. I want to learn how to get there more. see how I feel about that situation today. And I was an emcee at the Broker on Tuesday nights. If the comic was cool on Tuesday night, I'd say, hey, man, if you want to spend the night tomorrow,

2:24:08 food down. He had an apartment. So I took his fucking advice. Yeah. Oh, my God. Like, God, I forget the guy's name, but he was an old club act anyway but that those guys that didn't do the road when they did man they were like a fish out of There were so many comics, though, in New York that they would work the crowd because that stage was? I remember fucking

2:26:50 But that room was small and had like a little stairway on top of it. That's how I ended up meeting Mikey Buschetti, So obviously he's still struggling with it. Talking about what he did. So he had a double whammy happen. Do you know the circle of, there's a circle. You just keep getting in trouble. remember, everything, listen, You know, just how your immune system could let in coronavirus.

2:30:18 So then he went down this fucking just hole, you know, So what set him off, you know? Out on bail for second-degree kidnapping, second-degree assault. I got $100 for Coke, $50 for weed, and $50 for lunch. make believe I was looking for a hammer, You gonna move two? a CD fucking thing. And one getting chased. One security guard in a car and the other guy on foot.

2:33:04 What made me think I was going to get away? here I am out on fucking bail. Oh, I love all that shit. I don't do enough to warrant being fucking un-sober. You won't see daylight until tomorrow, okay? Quick Z? they've put it in there. Plus, like this like you're reading the computer I actually back away and just go. And then slump. I ate two pills. Oh, that shit. I ate two pills.

2:35:55 But it wasn't going fast enough. My back was on fire. I'm okay. And I just went to bed. I fucking went out. My wife's like, Joey, I have a pound my God. I'm like, what the fuck did I eat last night? I fucking went out. Oh, my God. I don't like to smoke and go to sleep. I don't like to smoke and go to sleep. after you're high. and don't have any interesting ideas?

2:38:47 And something always happens With the CBNs and shit. The product is by Kikomo. Whatever it is, Yorba somebody. Like a tin. I went to It's not the THC that kills you. One of the things in it. Terpenes are what you smell. Interesting. So it sounds real similar to just THC or CBD. It really is. Like, see, just Google, what are the negative effects of CBD?

2:42:30 I went somewhere, and I was like, let me start using this. I was irritable because of CBD. I'd rather take that shit than hit opioids, So you know what? Who was telling me? the sleep expert, Which one? That's the one about, that one That's the one that opened my eyes a little bit more why people were reacting to where they were. Any negative effects would be

2:45:00 It says effects of Zolpidem He was saying marijuana, too. question very first things that come up are just like blogs about ambient and take that that crashes you that's not good you've done some i mean you're gonna recover once you And people are like, well, I need it for work. But something that knocks you the fuck out, He's like, someone broke into the house.

2:47:48 See if that's true. For a walker, the sleeping pill sleep does not have the same restorative powers. You know when they didn't need sleeping pills? I've always used Reef for the sleep early on. down self-medicate you know I know how to smoke the reefer I'd brought really This is just, didn't fuck up because I shot somebody at the store You don't know what's going to happen.

2:50:36 you have an opportunity to grow. This weed in your memory. It's always great to see you. Are they going to just put everything aside for a little bit? What? He fucking took him, mounted him and shit. You know, when you and Eddie get together and do that. That's what we should do. I love to get schooled on Overeem in the beginning, the Japanese guy.

2:53:00 So please— We could totally do that. It's a great idea. For some strange reason, and I'm not sure why, Fuck you. I've watched the stylebender Yoel Romero fight at least two times I watched John Jones Tiago Alves I I still can't call it. That seemed like, you know, that's a hard-to-say round. The end of the round, to me, is like, It's good. Got it so close that there's a real argument that he might have done enough to win the decision.

2:56:41 who's doing that at the end of the fight well the end of the fight. Who's doing that at the end of the fight? Well, the end of the fight was Jon Jones. But still, impressive. But you got to think the Tiago Silva, not Tiago Silva, And, you know, Tiago Santos Vitor Belfort, just go down the line. See, this is why this coronavirus is so fucked up for MMA.

2:58:05 They have to. They have to. They don't know what to do. Tyson Fury, they're pushing Tyson Fury and Wilder 3. They're pushing it back. They have to. They have to. They don't know what to do. Where? Who knows if I'll be able to even do that? I love you guys. And we want you guys to be connected to that. If we have to do it from our house, if it gets so crazy they keep me in the house, we're going to do it.

2:59:36 Stay black.