Joe Rogan Experience #1449 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Yee-haw! Here we are. Are you an operator? How to hold a pistol correctly. Yeah. Why don't you shoot them in the knee and rehabilitate them? Yeah, that's weird. And then take them in and teach them the error of their ways. Very well. It's called Above the Law. Yeah. Awesome beard. to become a bad i'll say he was pretty skinny back then yeah he was so this was early in the career

2:33 And I'd be on horseback for no reason. I just have this. out of nowhere rear up on a horse and rescue a group of women in the wilderness a group of women And then you go in. His name is Dick Pronicki. There's like a video of him doing the whole thing, filmed everything. Slit and wood. And he would sit and every night he would write. film that was yeah yeah oh dude he lived out there for decades, like I said. Yeah, by himself.

5:48 And then he makes his own peg. He got some oatmeal and stuff, deer meat, berries. Amazing. Here's what I want. You really only need a garden. My lady friends because I'm going to start my own colony, so I have to breed. He'd be right next to you doing experiments. He's a married man. And he's brilliant. That's right. The other thing I want to do before I die is I want to have a horse I'm so attached to that I can go, and then it just shows up.

8:37 That thing just fucking. They don't like to let go. Bro, they weren't interested in choking the dog. why didn't that guy who's this giant AWOL, he went AWOL wall just giant uh he used to be a special forces guy and he just went crazy Or a real wolf. I wonder how that works. Mr. Mountain Lion. Okay? Mr. Mountain Lion. Have you seen it? Oh, gets the neck.

11:15 Wow. And the lion's like, no, fuck you. Remember that lion with a name? Literally, I read an article that we're being serious about that. like that dentist. So because of that, they had to slaughter a large number of lions. And instead of getting $50,000 per lion, like they're accustomed to getting when people- You got to take them all otherwise, they really get fucked up. Yeah, they love each other. They love each other but you can't just take like three elephants from that herd and then move them over to the game.

13:34 Why do they have to? Correct. Yeah. Well, that's what they should do. Like, how are you going to... I had a pause. Yeah, it costs a pretty penny. Yeah, I can probably say I feel pretty good. But it's hard to tell. But apparently, scientifically, it's provable. Wow. there's, you know, there's a few different scientific advances that they can absolutely

16:38 Seems like a good number. if it's a professional zoo like San Diego from 2016 Two Tigers fucking was one of the greatest bits ever. on an audio recording. Dude, when you're making the noises. Don't ask. Yes. They do something where they become that. Yeah. You're not as secure in leather-soled shoes. If they're wearing sandals, typically I can runners. These are Solomons. They're excellent

20:10 So if you're going to go up like slippery terrain, this gives you grip. I cinch them tight. You know who's never getting caught with those on? Yes. But if I'm doing anything in dirt, they're like a middle ground between wearing a boot. A lot of guys in elk hunting in particular because you're so mobile. I have the meat for you. You seem like you were born for it.

21:29 That's true. I love him. The best. It's pretty loud. You've never shot a gun with a suppressor? it was like... No, it's pretty loud. Pretty loud. You've never shot a gun with a suppressor? Yeah, it's a 7mm Remington Ultramag. He's here. Yeah. The idea is they don't want you pulling hard. like cam haynes does it that way shoots very well that way but cam haynes

24:21 range crossbow is basically a shitty gun. It is. Just get a gun. You think you're walking dead? Yeah. Those things are going fucking 500 feet a second. It's basically a pencil point. And your body would seal up the wound. Yeah. That's what it's like. It's true. Correct. He doesn't look like a director. He's getting older. He said twice a week. You focus and then you execute and if you do it properly there's like sort of the

27:45 You don't know how to unload a magazine. watching men get scared like men who don't know how to defend themselves or men that are not used And it's not until you really practice whatever it is that you can see and kind of, They turn. It was, anybody would do that. situation where you suck at something it's really good for you it's good to suck at things and try

30:19 Yeah, but it doesn't mean that because you're good at archery you'll be good at learning how to play the piano. at relaxing. It's the same. A lot of times it's the same body position. It's the same weight I got it. I'll be like, well, check the spark plug. Really? What? see two fans. Literally, they have to plug a machine into it which analyzes the system.

33:05 Yeah. You have Really? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to buy. Just pull them off and put some new ones on there. Shouldn't I be buying a Porsche? Yes. It's the fastest thing I've ever driven. weight. Does it drive really well? Yeah. Right there. That's it. wearing cut off jean shorts and a banging booty yeah old squat booty yeah I'm saying yeah and she's looking over and you're

35:48 Get yourself a nice Carrera S. suspension can, it's so, it adjusts no matter what you're driving over, when you're in comfort mode expensive yes it's a fucking porsche jesus christ yes what It's the Red Ram. Call it the Red Ram. One thing you did have, though, You know why? I know. It's perfect for him. I like that color. Black. I'm going to get an Airstream.

38:22 could sleep in that motherfucker if you had to. Expensive. Yeah. That's a real Overland vehicle. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. It probably is a huge tank. He's got, oh my god, he's There's a company called, look up this company, U-Joint Off-Road. They take out all the bullshit, take out all the axles and the engines, redo everything, school bus they redid a school bus i need you gotta have water you got a lot you got a lot of

41:19 And he took this school bus, a regular school bus, Here's the thing I didn't think of that you thought of that was very smart. You got to be able to grow. Turns into a wall tent. Yeah. What about the Fisker? Hold on. Colorado or Utah. The entire country's dealing with it. California's tricky because it works. And interdependence on a level. the whole world has shifted, and now everybody lives in these electrified cities,

44:17 My biggest fear is being vulnerable. And when my daughter was born, too, I was thinking, you know what? But now I have other friends that are saying, He was like, let's go to Montana. When we hunted the Missouri Bricks. All right, so. It seems so silly. Yeah. Yeah, you could live in Evergreen. Fuck yeah, I'll do that. Damn it. Just get Wendy involved.

46:41 That's what I'm talking about, Brian Callen. they're from Evergreen. if you keep talking about it. Good move. We'd be fine. Why do you need rice and oatmeal? You grow them in the ground. But I mean, it's coming down, right? It snows. Well, guess what? It also rains. That's precipitation. Wait, you can melt snow, can't you? But I mean, it's coming down, right?

48:19 thinking. Look at that. Look how pretty he's at. God, it's an evergreen? Here it goes. That's so true. Zero. They hide the graph. Medium household income, 79 grand. Dude, 0.1% ethnicity other. Sounds like my animation. Yeah. What's the elevation? Well put on a like get out like a beaver hat get Ronella to make you a beaver hat Didn't moving wolves into

51:28 A lot of other factors that that guy didn't take into consideration in terms of moving Undulate is cows, elk. Yeah, animals that eat grass. Yeah. They killed them all in the first place because ranchers were losing all of their crops or all their cattle, rather. The ones that understand that there's a balance from predators and prey, and we miss that

53:22 Really? Yes. But the difference is the money doesn't go to the state According to everybody I know who's eaten it. That's his words. I can't think of any other animal we eat. You don't eat any birds that are carnivores, but birds will eat. to eat things like eagles, osprey, but there was That's true Right Uh huh And deer will eat. And it's a humane way to catch them.

55:34 Cattle, too. Yeah. We've played the horse before, too. Oh, a cow eating a chicken? Play that. It's a cow eating one, too. Oh, he's feeding? That's a wrap, bitch. Chauncey, badass dog. Jesus Christ. He was like, get the fuck out of my corral. you? Is it called mushing? Yeah, mushing. in front of him and just It was either a cow moose or it was... Let me see that one.

57:42 I saw it on Instagram. Pack of dogs. Couple cheetahs pull them down, though. They'll attack the legs. Just pull it up inside like a turtle. I do anyway. hemp rope. Why? Keeps me honest. I've never run with a hard on. Me neither. It's amazing. but you kept your wood because you weren't scared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one of those things. You got Python?

1:00:14 Who's in there? There was a day, you fucking kids today are so spoiled. I never, Because you're tired I haven't watched porn Because mostly everyone who's healthy enjoys sex. for. you'd go into a town and rape all the women and stuff, That's the thing. Like, wait, bro, she was in bed. Because you're terrible. Like you're sick. Right. Herpes. This is a type of herpes.

1:04:38 for herpes. No, they just have pills you can take. HPV, they do have a vaccine for that. I like to get out of the room. Why is there taboo? So if I admit, so if I'm around somebody who reminds me of the fact that I, share of it. You stopped a week ago. My father No, and he saw this. What is your favorite to watch? I don't know. Yes. Asa is smart as fuck and a regular,

1:08:06 Because you respect her. Exactly. No. With his girlfriend. are you fucking kidding me does he call himself Stevie blue eyes in his porn I don't think You're a guy on television. I use Malik B. Cane, like a cattle, no, a riding crop. And action. Probably. But then again, and he goes, I don't believe you. A director on Mad TV is taking it seriously? He was right. Well, you are acting. Yeah. You should I was like, fuck. Try something different? Yeah.

1:11:13 What? You secretly like those acting people the ones that i Bro, but you would bring the worst. You can't just make up stories. and everybody, you went like this. Well, when someone starts lying to you, just lying to you in front of a bunch of people. Yes. And I was like, this isn't true. yeah there's some guys that are like, they're criminals. I'm real tight friends with Tom Cruise or this guy or that guy.

1:14:05 Name dropping is one of the weirdest things that people do that doesn't work. Right? And then when people are like, yeah, you know, I'm real good friends with Leo. I know Brian Callen. And a black belt in judo and jiu-jitsu. Did I tell you the story about how I was in Boston at the wilbur and then we went to this club i tell 42 years old and still competes in jiu-jitsu.

1:16:34 And so Malik, who's been fighting his way, goes, what? She shouldn't be with you guys. And the guy goes, huh? You're about to be pulled under. Fuck yeah. You know the fucking movie Jaws? People celebrities jiu-jitsu and giving them belts, but they don't really spar. Well, they're celebrities. I will always spar So he would, like, conserve his energy.

1:19:14 360 jamie just it just said 86 86 look at this 86 man so this is like wow when i was just getting He is. He rolls him over. I mean, these guys, they really went for it, too. It has. Hodger's, like, Roger Gracie is all, they do the same, like high level wrestlers, He says, I use like five things. He was one of the first gi champions to do no-gi and be really successful because Jean-Jacques was born with a genetic deficiency in his left hand.

1:21:49 I never grabbed anything anyway. He ran right through a bunch of guys. you know just just finding something what's that bruce lee expression don't beware of the man who I mean, he said very rarely does ever a fight, a sword fight, go to a duel. and he would fight people with oars. he would turn you toward the sun so the sun was in your eyes. hours late and he wouldn't even have a sword. Just use an

1:23:58 man too. He was an interesting Dude, you can hear, you feel and hear and see them breathing. shit was going on all the time. Nazis had dueling scars. Really? Wernher von Braun. Yep. Wow. interesting but this what i want to see is just pull up the images of Nazi dueling scars because they're horrific. Dude. they all had those kind of scars on their face from dueling it was a big look at that guy below

1:27:06 See, they all had those kind of scars on their face, M-E-N-S-U-R. The bragging scar. fucking scars on their faces so they'd be sitting there with Wernher von Braun and JFK, A rapier. and and chaotic and unfair and not linear and crazy and horrifying and all those things and and and lacks dignity Every day that you're out there could be the end. Something about the

1:30:31 Right. war, when you get that close to reality and that close to that chaos, whatever contract you had what? Well, Hitler, according to a historian, I can't remember his name, Buchholz, he said, And he was going to do that. say if you have a small tribe and there's another tribe that's close to the river and they have more With anything that anybody does, some people take it way further

1:34:07 Same thing with everything. Yeah. That scares the shit out of me with China. They don't know. They go on Twitter, there's some branch of the government that's involved in propaganda that's trying to say with great disdain and suspicion. So they didn't really have, even though there are small pockets billions of dollars business with China, and another friend, in fact, who does a lot of

1:37:32 But certainly you will get burned if you are playing by the rules that you are used to, which would be just don't do it because it's not the right thing to do. and they have a huge middle class where they can almost start, they starting to become way more self-sufficient they don't we don't And a lot of the raw materials. Do they have magic? They take our intellectual property, et cetera.

1:39:19 Oh, and by the way, here's a cell phone, Brian. And you don't get on Google. So you have to keep coming up with new ways. And as long – any country. Isn't it interesting the whistleblowers, the original whistleblowers on the coronavirus And that's what I worry about. Anytime we have a pandemic like this where the government can just shut you down. It's for our own good.

1:41:58 He used these emergency powers to suspend civil liberties. Same reason. I think that's American. Yes, very important. Well, you see that with career politicians. You see that with in there about the environment. There were a group of people that did that with the invasion of Iraq. Well, we were in Afghanistan for... How long was it, guys? He had some great bits, man.

1:45:02 required more troops, the generals Of course. Trump's doing this thing. And not only that, there are other people, non-governmental organizations, too, that I know, guys. I know there's a group of people controlling everything. The fuck out of here. DNC or from winning the Democratic nomination. She didn't know who the president of Mexico was. If you don't know who the president of Mexico is, maybe you haven't done enough studying.

1:47:27 Well, his father was the longtime premier. operations, when it comes to the fucking energy and industry. There's no fucking way one person. And Elizabeth Warren wanted a two-year cooling off period. Oh, boy. Do you know that? Fucking one billion. As soon as she sank Kamala Harris, they they cut her out of the mix quick it's interesting man because it's obviously not let's see who the

1:50:01 that is experiencing dementia. Took a few days off and was like, we're back. yeah i said it son of a bitch i said it said it. And I always marvel at socialists. I don't know how- you have another place to bring them to. If you throw a fucking coffee cup, rightly so, out a window, the cops should be able to appear under bridges. They're already 40 or 50 or whatever they are.

1:52:19 Like can't stop smoking cigarettes. and has life insurance, and is also a fuck up. And then here they are at 40. typically in the psychiatric ward, medication, medication, then medication. That's the third by with, with instilling certain behaviors, certain boundaries, certain protocols as a parent, No, no, no. control and there's a way to do that it's very simple a very interesting book but what i'm saying

1:55:31 They're self-medicating to begin with. these years and the idea that there's some simple solution to dealing with 70 000 people at various I do think that there's something humane about taking people who are rolling their own shit up in a ball. I know. mental illness? Do you define that as I had an anger management issue at my work once, that I've heard argued by intelligent people.

1:58:21 who's in a position of power that can also run this ideology, they have this ideology. I'm on the God side. does it have to take before it slides to you? Some people are just religious about science. values, progressive values, conservative values. We all do, man. People have done it. It's a thing I'm a bit of a socialist. because that's a good idea for everybody.

2:02:37 When you get to the level of detail, left wing and right wing politics seem to go out the fucking window. I noticed in a war zone when I was in Afghanistan. make a profit with their business or whatever they do when they live in the real world, Why are we voting for a person, like one individual leader that handles all those things? fucking you know an economic stud yeah a lot of stuff yes also they hold that against you now

2:05:11 Wow. Why? No, they're... addicting people or is it important to uh hold it down in afghanistan some places on the other Yes. He should be able to do meth. They'd get taxed. You can't do meth. Video games, I mean, maybe it'll help you. How's that sound? joke is when two people are doing blow they start a business together you know i i again it's like the joke is when two people are doing blow they start a

2:08:49 Well, here's the thing. Right. So what we've done is supported a horrific criminal enterprise all over the world. Now imagine, you're supposed to take care of this problem and coronavirus and the economy And they can attribute their child overdosing on heroin because their son bought it legally and left it in the house and now someone's dead. habit, the people that are junkies

2:11:06 because this war on drugs ain't going so well. Like we've obviously done something terribly wrong if we have people that are interested in heroin. He's the same guy that brought me the death whistle. You're not as good as me. People are watching. This one guy, one person, one woman. out of jail and do this and move that. immigration. This is the king.

2:13:18 But we have Czar. Czar is fucking a king. But no one big guy yeah but I'm talking about Is that what it is? When they made a drug czar, I was like, what? If you had one person in this country that was autonomous, they didn't need the approval For every different thing? She gets to kill people. Yeah, man. Technology. Haley's Comet or Newton When Einstein came along and said time and space are relative depending on how fast you're

2:15:29 It's nothing. No, no, no. It'd be a terrible idea because now you're creating a bunch of little presidents. What? Joe Rogan, the monarchist. I don't think they exist. That's one of the reasons why I've had to kick people out of your life. I know you did. It's time to run, son. I'll let you go. See you later. And this is like, this is their sexual programming, like how they are as a person.

2:18:33 We don't know. I still can't have you, But if I don't know how to mitigate or erase that kind of deep-seated programming, you've Okay. I still can't run a society that gives free reign to people that cause destructive harm. and that sickness led to him being a criminal there's also a you can have a Well, they say that a lot of what they do, psyche evals on high level operators.

2:21:46 You can make the decisions that have to be made and then come back to morality. on now for all of us where there's this massive wake up call as to the frailty of our society, You're seeing people there's a lot of people putting together easy path for them. And they've taken it every time and time again that they're lazy and they they get angry at that stuff.

2:24:47 There should be no billionaires. Okay, right now everything is at least three-quarters of what it was minus the unemployment, right? how fucking fragile this is? Or a volcano. God will protect us. Yes. It's not like they've spent time studying these papers and looking at the trends and reading books on core samples. I went, but I will, but then, oh, no, no,, no, don't fucking, don't give me a but on this.

2:27:40 I do, too. the one when he took Greenland he's hilarious to me and this is a wake up call that you that our medical systems that we have in place to deal with pandemics, they're underfunded. Something has left us unprepared. But we did, and the whole world did. You're spending so much money on other things. President. No, you're like, don't. We have a fucking drug king.

2:29:30 Testing it every day. I like it. Dude, I'm Deadeye. Yes. Axis deer. They don't have any predators. We need to go to his place. And I went to that wolf connection, that rescue out in Palmdale. and you couldn't do a goddamn thing with them. Now the wolf won't let him anywhere near him. I've seen that. Right. You're going flying, dude. What is it like?

2:32:42 This guy's trying to slice. He got his whole head in there. Bro, he might be paralyzed. Yeah, no. Or you would just held onto the head and shook him a bunch of times? I don't remember You do everything with your right hand So you'd have to be the last one to wait. Like, why do you want to live like this? jesus i you know i'm joking around obviously about the the kings have a king of everything

2:34:47 If something's never happened before, I'm not prepped enough, and I need to get prepped for real. Or Vegas. Maybe you can go to Big Bear. You've got to be up there stuck. Bill Burr can drive a helicopter. If it's fires, we'll figure it out. If's a pandemic again we'll see you we need the fucking fire But he loves being a fireman, so he'll start fires.

2:36:59 It's great. Do you keep him in there forever? Forever. that he is fit of all time. I don't know. a mental illness and what we do with most of our mental ill is we put them in jail and I've been and then you would have never been in jail. A lot of times I'm training the parents and the educators Without interest, just go, hey, time to take a break. Timeout, but it's a very specific way of doing it.

2:39:16 You argue with them. and Trump would just have to stand in the corner You stand in the corner. You go over there. I need a lot of timeout. talking about your job performance? You know those guys? No, they fired him and then they fired everybody and then just told them they're done. Well, Bean left like a year ago. Well, it's been Kevin's morning show for like since I think January.

2:41:19 They just fired everybody. but it was like when it was kicking in. hydrochloroquine with azithromycin? Does that actually help with, sorry guys, I'm a doctor. vitamin c apparently has an uh It depends on if it's... Well, guess what? Well, he also has a new baby. yeah is Will Sasso and Will Sasso He's the funniest fucking human being. out he's fun to hang out with too remember we all hung out together he's the best will sasso to me

2:44:50 They're so big. Thanks, buddy. That is so crazy. Look at that one up there. Those are bull hearts. Those look like Arnold in his prime, right? You're wearing different shirts. um, he's just goes, It was fun hanging out with you all day today. When the shit gets weird, that's what you really need.