Joe Rogan Experience #1450 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Yee-haw! This is dope. Yeah. Whatever it is The one with Matt Damon, and he's lost in space. They'll keep you alive. Yeah. Doctors, nurses, everybody. Jesus. Like 70% of all restaurants fail within the first year. God, it was good. 80% in five years. We need to do a dinner at Dantana's. Boys Town. Wow. His daughter has, you know. They have excellent steaks.

4:20 It's so good. Oh, gosh. take your temperature Jamie's got somebody in his building yeah got an email yesterday I was Don't bring your cooties over here. Just everyone's scared. I got to the overthinking where giving them spray and gloves and all that. The other thing I was reading in The Atlantic is another—I've been reading The Atlantic lately, apparently.

7:47 And we're not even to the supposedly the middle part of all this. They're just like the Bee Gees down there and she was selling something else in there Can't we just wipe out bats? a new species to And you throw a Buffalo into that and everybody's like, because so many people live there. Is that true? They have to chase them down and kill them. I don't know, like where you have to get those beetle bags.

10:45 And it's supposed to— like, everything's supposed to recover. Who gives a shit? Some crazy growth that I believe it's from Asia originally, They take away all the oxygen and sun. It takes over a whole forest. What is this? At least it looks okay. Oh, these rats just live around cows and consume them. And I don't know when this shit... God damn, you and your Beatles.

13:38 1876. But how do you eradicate all that stuff? Perfect. It's been used as a food ingredient in East Asia. Yeah. Like, people are talking about how, like, if you let somebody pet your dog, like, if you're walking your dog and somebody goes, oh, no, and pets your dog. You called it a dirty straw the other day. You should have a giant gym bag of them.

15:47 And they use it when they go backcountry hiking and stuff and camping. Remember those kids' lightsabers? Yeah. I mean, if you get lucky, you get a clean stream. You're basically getting a disease that comes out of gopher shit. They call it beaver fever first that straw like this stary pen a How weird is that? One minute? instead of the guy's like go ahead drink it he wouldn't drink it he's like you could drink and

18:39 But if you look at this guy, he looks like he's selling. Is that what's going on with that? that's not what he said. president told people to take it, but that's not what he said. What he said is that there's hope and we're How do you say that? definitely going to work or not going to work, you can't distort this It's fucking weird, man. She says, she's playing a game, right?

22:19 These are all facts that we all know. apart through the unexpected circumstances, some people are hanging on by a fucking thread and that I think also we grew up always listening at a stressful time when the president came on, That's the worst Trump impression ever. Bro, who got hit harder than them? you know, loves knowing how to get around the subway. He doesn't even need a map.

25:15 Bah! fucking expensive to live in. He lives in that little two bedroom apartment. 3.7 million other day and I was like oh I want to know what he lives you know he lives in that yeah he's been how much That's what you get for $3.7 million. Yeah. Meat packing district? You sure it's not Chelsea? Like, my friend's elevator had seven feet of water in it.

27:05 Tribeca? Yes! Thank you. you guys are high. Well, there's freedom that we have. everybody's together. I mean, any place that's less urban, everybody just drives everywhere. How many million people are in New York? Really? Oh, what'd you hear it on? That's the problem. And you say two? How many people live in Manhattan? Yeah, yeah. Full-time residents. Less than a million. What do you say? 3.7. Oh, that's a good hedge your bet move. How many people live in Manhattan?

29:58 I bet it's bigger than that. That's bonkers. Every day. How many people do you think commute there every day? Wow. I don't know what happened, but I got on a YouTube thing where I started watching these ridiculous apartment buildings in New York City that they build. and spend all his money. I'm like, wow, what is wrong? If you lived in Texas, would you go Austin?

32:33 Or you're Houston, where it's like you really love oil money. They're out of control. Dallas is the move I think it's the laughs up I fucking love Austin. Protecting people. feeling of understanding that we are really vulnerable we're all we're in this together I don't know if you're on Nextdoor. It didn't happen before this. there's good parts to being scared.

35:21 cocky. People get cocky. What we're experiencing now is this is a fucking dry run for a real apocalyptic event. died in, you know, People that are really just looking for Noah's Ark, you missed the point. I'm like bro, but if you're coming to me you could easily put that through the filter of interpretation and say i bet what happened was everybody laughs at him and he brings on two of each animal. It's the dumbest story ever.

38:39 That doesn't make any sense. shit went down in your spot, you thought the world was ending. You know, can you imagine if you're they didn't even know it happened. Back then you didn't know so if you one of the people survived when some shit went down But that's my take on it. We feel bad. hit that's hilarious it hit a parking area for semi-trucks, and these semi-trucks were literally getting flown around in the air.

41:35 Okay. And they're just getting flown through the air by the sky monster. He just goes back up in the clouds see him in them over the mountains That's the only difference. running from Godzilla. No one in the movies leaves diseases are like demons. But what I am saying is I was stunned when I saw the actual numbers. Hospitalized 30,453 and estimated affected was 894,700 people by that flu.

44:39 He said the H1N1 killed 83,300 Americans. That's for the 2020 flu, this flu season. People don't have immunity for it. They don't really know how to cure it. And it at the same time. It's new. It's a new virus. People don't have immunity for it. Just everybody chill. I didn't get it last year. and I've been able to shake it off. The only cooties I've gotten in the gym that scare me is staff.

47:27 It's a company called Defense Soap. Infections and preventing infection I use it cuz I'm like a yeasty boy. I'm very yeasty. Oh, yeah You know, people that have lung issues or people that have had, like, I hate to say it, Brian, but vaping. Yeah. Couldn't take the smoking anymore. Tommy Chong doesn't have to sing, right? snoop versus Willie who do you got I gotta go it's new yeah I just gotta go

49:53 to go head to head, Snoop's going to be awake Or he loves them. And you just keep it in your mouth so your breath stinks. Yeah, because you're pretty much just taking over the air. That's a little obnoxious. That's a little dick swingy. Yeah. You know? Are cigar bars essential? Or do you let them, if that's how they get their tobacco fix, do you let them?

51:33 lines going down the street like a mile I have a gun now. Because these things can happen. We don't need any more guns, basically. had been off from the asteroid shower for six months. There's no way to even tell these They could be the king. It's like trusting yourself, you know? oh God, did they train you there? She's sure that that sound is a serial killer making its way up her stairs.

55:15 The Texas school of thought is a well-armed society is a polite society. But that's not true, right? Because the government's made it out of people. It's happening right now. They're like, you could use this. They block him over there. time as us as we have so much freedom that people are like looking for shit to get upset about That's what we need to figure out.

57:38 some sort of a temporary I got, uh, Yeah. Well, I guess I could just stay up all night and, you know, go to sleep when I want to. We didn't know. I mean, nowadays, you get all these doctor lists on Facebook. oh did he yeah he's back okay let's look at this one the 2017 to 2018 h2n3 virus pandemic that The flu for this year, for 2020. Oh, really? You know, it's like the sky monster.

1:00:54 But they weren't tested for COVID at the time. jamie what are we going to do if you test positive? Oh, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you're in contact, bro Are you washing your hands a lot? Right before it happened, the crash, he's taking it a little overboard. No, it wasn't Tom Papa. He's like, you're right. My point about showing those numbers was not to diminish the impact of this current pandemic.

1:03:33 Like, you hear about deaths by the flu, Seems like it's happening more, though, like if you go on TMZ, it's like somebody dies Sites between October 2019 and March 21, 2020. What am I, dyslexic? You were supposed to suck your thumb your whole life, They didn't shut anything down. Bert had it. He was so uncomfortable. your immune system you know i mean if this makes big, just a little shift in the number of people that get healthy,

1:07:03 about Aaron Hernandez. one part of one episode. Dude, I went on a rabbit hole of tiger this is not real life. This didn't happen. of course, back in the day like we did. living with tigers? shit his documentaries are so good he's absolutely one of my favorite because he's got this style of Theroux, like all Theroux's annoying him for all those days

1:10:16 and these lions would just tear it apart. They look so angry that they're in that cage and so angry that they have to get their food this way. We're so messy. It's kind of crazy because it's the only way that it works. You go out, you shoot one, take a picture with it. Isn't it better to just go out there and shoot a kudu with a rifle and have a crazy story behind it and a memory that you'll never forget?

1:12:46 Which one's going to do better? it's another place where he let all his animals out That's really disturbing. He's so genuine. When he's talking about anything. they might try to diminish that in some way because he's had some run ins with the law or because of the nature of the way he became famous by being the most violent man on the planet. certain amount of time. I feel like a person at that kind of

1:16:00 30s. He was still, I mean he wasn't You'd get mad if he was Watch the interaction. Watch this real quick. Yeah, Mike Tyson is tired of people filming him. And I started laughing. I'm. And he's like, you're that dude who smokes all that weed. And I started laughing. I love that he's got his podcast. Yeah, he's great, man. does what I do put a little just for men on it and the beard yeah that shit can fuck your face

1:18:37 You got to wash it out. I shit my head last night until I get a haircut. Even I just was thinking When I bleached my hair, I used to bleach my hair once a year. That's a scary link, though, man. I mean, your skin absorbs magnesium through the float tank. Right. I don't want to answer these questions. Yeah. They're all in bed with the fucking dye company.

1:21:15 Nope, nope. I got a pretty good Make them poke out more. I like Yeah, dudes are not allowed to have fake hogs. Oh, and then she said that, huh? I'm trying to learn over here. of those gender traitors because they're weak cunts Fuck! They drop them out of helicopters through the roof, and then they just distribute them evenly. Mad Max! I thought they had that.

1:24:22 I got in VR and I got the hand finger tracking This was like, this is too realistic. No, no, it's like, it's so real that I couldn't that I was too scared to walk in the elevator because I hate elevators. The weapons look fucking totally badass. too much cowards you would burn, drink real water and you're wandering around this warehouse dude you gotta try

1:26:34 And you could be in a game and you could feel water. The Vive Quest, I think it's called, where you don't have any PC. And the one where you walk the plank, you walk out there. a life you're gonna get sucked into those things and you're gonna be playing them all day long can just sit there and talk nowadays i don't know why people don't skype more or use this

1:28:37 It's so dumb. Post Malone. I looked out there. They just fucking took off everywhere. It might be May. Yeah. Yes, they're zooming in on a... the timeline go ahead a couple days and you just watch them spread from there and it's fucking nuts I mean, it's half the country. You put your cell phone on the table, or someone else's cell phone was. It's annoying.

1:31:56 Yeah, I got a green one, bro. Ultraviolet light? Why don't we just all replace our light bulbs with these lights? I don't know if that was real ozone, but that was the name of the brand. number one tool that they have to get away from humans is smell because they don't see you from They run. We smell gross. people in india oh especially now yeah i can't even leave the house.

1:34:47 Somebody posted the other day. Bro. So it's a freezer truck, though. take a break in the summer. I think they said 18 months. I know everyone's donating their computer processing power right now So if they do this chloroquine stuff or some other things that they come up with, they Ebola. have and then they're working with these viruses and these deadly diseases i'm like oh it's like a

1:38:13 Those are the ones that got jacked, a lot of them. We're concerned about nature itself. You know, now it's happening. you get all the ad revenue. to make these sensationalist stories might fight the coronavirus. try to evangelize with weed, right? Numbing agents. Like your balance gets off. They get real weird. A lot of them are taking it off-label.

1:42:07 Kill Cliff But I Is that why I mean, this Juul is my favorite thing ever. Don't put that back in your glass. I would wake up in the morning and it seems you know i used to when i smoked i would wake up in the Was that fake? i'm remembering it right now was adam before leo remember le Well, he was on that show. But Adam started his shit. when he was young.

1:45:01 and super tuned in to all aspects of privacy like with an actual physical switch, kill the webcam. We grew up with it. Does she have, like, the sexy glasses? Kennedy is on. Did she get in trouble? Come on news is so stupid like I love how they're sitting farther apart he's like sitting in front of like a garbage can but people still rely on those big names to like, I want to hear what the

1:47:23 I waste a lot of fucking time on it, too. Kennedy. You're not helping. I love old cars I'll never own. I don't even want them, but I like watching them. I like these new cars, or these companies are taking old Yeah, so it's going to be really light. Massachusetts sounds right. He gave it to me, yeah. comes up as weird. It's in New Hampshire, huh? Because a lot of people did that.

1:49:58 I grew up in New Hampshire. fucking town since September working on a construction site. That's Maine for you. in that, you know, they're in that between roommates and some local So silly. Maine jokes in Maine. Why are you mad? I was making fun of the Like, I mean, how many fucking people live here? It doesn't make this a lot better, but this thing in Maine, it's a small island town.

1:52:40 Jeez. The place was, they were sedated. Right there. There was no hotel room. They had shut the show down. Because they were like this. You think of island life, you think of like Kauai, you know, where Laird Hamilton. You don't get no Gabby Reese on them cold islands. The question is, what if they bring it like somewhere in the neighborhood of one-tenth of 1%,

1:56:13 Or not. They get it. doing it. People are breathing. Not anymore. Sounds good. I was trying to get my family to watch World War Z or 28 Days Later. Remember that? You just want to bite people to give them a disease. That's what the virus is doing or the disease is doing. Asteroid showers and rage all at once. Bro, that's rabies. I want you to start reading.

2:00:48 I set a real good schedule of shit that I need to do, I'm not being insensitive here. I'm just telling you my life. No stress. you don't realize how unsettling that is until you're home for a period of time. do shows there every weekend. Everyone's going to be like, you could buy first class They should give you foot massage the whole way and say they're sorry.

2:02:50 But if you just look at people that are traveling for business or people that are going to supermarkets, if you just look at it honestly, there's so much room for it getting out. I definitely think it's a good move to stay in as long as possible and get as What is next level when you say quarantine? Yeah, I think it's June 1st sounds like a way more realistic thing then.

2:04:44 But people are blaming Trump. Like, look like look man what if he was right what if what if we were on the And they're trying to think lifestyle. And then there's also a very high population of old people. whether it's because more people over there have better health care and they get treated quicker, restaurants to like 50 people, but they are saying

2:06:43 Well, they have those foldables. That's the move, right? Yeah. I like it, man. If someone wants to send me a picture, they have to text it to me. But it's just interesting that they figured out a way to do that, to rope us into their net. That camera dough. I think it's something like 30 or something like that. Listen to us. It's the best one. and it was like,

2:09:20 fucking Doctor Strange kids. because the number I'm like do you ever read these? And I said to her I go did you read this? You should post these. Do you have that on video? That'd be hilarious. I wish I did oh my God, listen to me. I'm a moron. Do you have that on video? with my life. from back in the day, So I have the medals. Lacey not Dave Chappelle Chappelle Lacey Chappelle Lacey is like three Dave Chappelle's in the same height. If you took Dave's body and packed in through me, he's a fucking savage.

2:12:58 that's him good watch this watch this is ridiculous, dude. Holy shit. It is huge. Dang. Chappelle. You didn't play state games? He started doing that when he was really young. 170 pounds. Watch this. And when your body grows up doing something, we used to say that about strikers. Some strikers, some people learn how to strike, in the amateurs and uh won i think two olympic gold medals before he ever became professional

2:15:56 with anybody you can get hit with and you get knocked out. and he wants everybody to know it. And Floyd Mayweather just pieced him up. I think you need to be already elite in your 20s if you want to get to your peak way of telling you bitch pick virtual reality I tell you it's a big games virtual reality Terminal? Yeah, Apple's based on Unix, right?

2:18:09 Unix other than write sloppy there's so many Windows popping up, it's so much sloppy. You didn't tell me how long it was going to take. Yeah, I always keep that stuff up. and with the Mac ecosystem, once you're in that ecosystem, Way better. Somebody must have told you that there's a ThinkPad keyboard that's literally 500 times better than your shitty keyboard.

2:20:14 Key travel. Has a fuckload of key travel. It lets you know you're pressing it. Yeah, I hate it. But then what is that? When you're going to use a computer, shouldn't it be comfortable and shouldn't it be most effective to use? because you can bring your own keyboard. Why is it aluminum? the design discussion meeting. I'm like picturing Yeah, but that edge will still cut you up.

2:22:51 How would you do that? Like they just probably did that first and no one give a fuck. They're not going that way either. have I been doing with my life you should get one of those Lenovo laptops It's weird. They keep giving us the same thing. accustomed to that god damn it you don't make any errors. You know where each key is. The plug to charge it is on the bottom of it.

2:25:55 Oh, it plugs under it, so you have to open it up and get in there. so you can use it like a regular mouse You can't do it? Jesus. send information to other apps. That new Zoom software everyone's using, and we all sold our rights away to it. We all signed the user agreement. Those are one of the sneakiest things that people have ever dude, let's just do this.

2:28:16 by the time Oh my God. you could get going i had a dream that i was in the middle of a bit and i forgot how to do it Everyone's going to have corona. It's going to be, hey, don't eat a fucking bat. Fuck granny. thing is comics that thought it was a good idea to do stand up with no crowd Five bucks to get on their virtual open mic? Right? day YouTube into it all day more he wants the prestigious flappers brand

2:31:40 you're done and the next person goes up. It wasn't real. Tell that right away. Jamie Foxx, everyone. Oh. You know, They did a concert last night. and they wanted you to lip-sync your old shit imagine if they had like a an album that you did and you had a lip sync We have this random thing And we just randomly hit you saying things. So you guys are still doing Kill Tony?

2:34:22 Even though they're completely quarantined, you can't do any live shows, they did all their shows by themselves, no live show. We're not high-fiving and kissing each other like we normally do. that's the great question and why do some people have almost no reaction to it why are some people Or glass tips. The fuck out of here. You still have that? I gave it to somebody.

2:36:29 Yeah. The gold Buddha. some ode to weed in my living room. Yeah. He had that cool media room. I always just do stuff, you know, like whether I'm doing a Netflix special or whether I'm doing So I'm wondering about the future now. But now everybody's got to be a prepper. food bring get oats right get oatmeal shit like that rice stuff that lasts a long ass time you

2:39:19 right yeah how much does that cost it's very off it's $79 yeah so for 80 bucks I mean it. Unless you're a hard ass. There's a bar of soap and a wet rag. You wash the old poop chute. or shoes, you fall, every year. hit the button. It's like a little robot arm. You're talking like the real... You're like, what? That's why it didn't make sense to you. Go.

2:41:39 And it looks like, you know, like if you slip, So that one's a, that's a safe one. I'm trying Click on that Yeah maybe Right here some, because it was a to grab a hose hmm or an Instagram video not your taint hairs, but your eyebrow Look at that one, man. probably use that thing. It feels good So there was a bidet. See, that's what I'm talking about.

2:45:06 This is a regular toilet. It doesn't matter. a fucking play bar. that I appreciate your finger is it's a more effective way of navigating like YouTube videos you Are they listed somewhere? Right. I mean, it seems like that's the dirtiest place ever. Personal record. these new games coming out and just let me ask you this can you broadcast you playing half-life

2:48:09 like if a really good player was playing oh yeah i'd watch like there's this dude named thresh i've and it's hard to do because you have to have a lot of green screen crap. So without doing that, you can have the headset version of it. Because it's one thing to watch a guy play a game, What are those other good series that are out? the main guys like he's the Steve Jobs guy and that's where in Westworld's back

2:50:17 Ozark spoilers. Have you ever seen that? No, I haven't seen it at all. Yeah. Dude, I was watching regular TV, and you couldn't, for some reason, fast forward through the commercials. to predict version of a drama but that's what I'm saying It's so strange when you compare that And then you realize, oh my God, they still make them. They still make them. They make them just like that. made like a 1980s CBS drama, and you're like, what is this?

2:52:38 Dr. Dreamy. I met him once. like a real NASCAR race the future of sports. need like 10 games to get warmed Yeah. Damn. Who's buying up all the stock now that the market's crashed? Well, you gotta wonder, because the people that can buy the Like, the amount of money they have is weird. Right. They sell toothpaste and fucking bubble gum and nails. They didn't even have a store 10 years ago.

2:55:41 Like, really? Like, they have to be geniuses? Yeah, gateway. Geek squad. a good point you can geek out in a good way yeah that's a good point yeah no one's complaining This is going to accelerate everything. even do anything wrong and the government gets to tell you they have to And it's true. They're giving people tickets in New York. What if it stays that way to a lesser extent? What if they say, you know how we're going to

2:59:37 where people tested negative and then they later tested positive? every couple years? be fucking going crazy. if i wanted to take over and that's what we have to be really careful of we got to be careful of We can't just stay like this where no one works anymore. and they become new things, is gonna be robots, you know. intelligent and they realize if they move quick enough, they can actually, like, they

3:02:42 Not countless, they counted them. than a demon little godzillas an alien tech yeah it is it's foreign to us action Bronson had it right the whole Brian Richards. this prion disease They don't live for very long either And they get it from sharing food sources and they leave it everywhere too. this is like two days ago hantavirus Make this a little larger so I can read it with my shitty eyes

3:07:09 The unidentified woman Other 32 people on the bus were tested. Oh, that doesn't make me feel good. Rare is not a word I like. Those wet markets are just that. But what if that thing morphs? how well we had it before this we just do whatever you want it you just right I don't think they have the resources China since it's in China, it's much more likely.

3:10:22 when they're taking advantage of opportunity. It just actually naturally exists. We're going to block this? You can't go to work. I think this is just a horrible natural disaster. That's ridiculous. It seems so rude. military, they're going to have an eye on you anyway. Like are you doing right unless you're in like west virginia dudes who have like

3:13:16 Not only do people have them, but people, they do these mods on them. deck them out inside with dope interiors and they put ridiculous like thousand horsepower turbo Yes, that's it. See, that's the shit that they make. like run me over motherfucker good luck bitch. They just feel like a real tank. Everything's inside. Yeah. So you have underneath the vehicle. Clearance. Clearance, that's it. Yeah.

3:15:40 That's pretty nice. Especially if we could really get solar down here in LA. roof they had a solar roof that powered the radio. Right. Because right now it's still a little clunky. Well, that's when the wireless charging on the roads where you're just driving on a wireless green go ahead and urinate a conspiracy nut or if I was a country that was conspiring to take over the world, this is not a

3:18:31 my country I'm gonna go to work I'll take a chance it's everybody's gonna get it anyway And they're going to probably be like this. This metal plastic thing that could wash off really easy. see where we're headed, and I don't see know concerts sporting events you know I don't know that's just open again all right what's next you know concerts sporting events yeah i don't

3:20:26 I'm trying to find it. I'll try to find it right now. I forget, Yeah. Like, fuck. Well, what a good way to end. Just keep, at the very least this summer. Redban, R-E-D-B-A-N. They're in the chat room I've been playing a lot Where everyone's a different avatar You have sex with them in the game. Oh, no.