Joe Rogan Experience #1462 — Kurt Metzger Transcript

Transcript

0:00 And we're live. That felt like getting an AIDS test. Yeah. describing to her how one asymptomatic person can go to a restaurant, I don't know. Epoch? Oh, really? Falun Gong. cult like come up with a good one yeah that doesn't try to fuck me doesn't take all my money and it's not like they're all you know You're one of my friends that has the most rock-solid rules

3:16 I just don't want to go along with Then, when I got out in the world, Yeah, they got rid of the higher power. But it's, I mean, the thing when people do it to people, You got rid of Saddam. there's going to be, you know Here's one. Listen, if you ever met a I've never met him. and so people come into it a lot of times that's why they do. They go, well, I saw this guy.

6:25 Yes. Right. Right, right, right. You're seeing a con man who's found a tool that's beyond reproach. He plays like a TV preacher, because he saw this documentary about a real guy named Marjo Like you're buying a penis the public vernacular about Adele Hey, I'm just an old white guy. I'm taking in too much music. So when they were coming over here, I guess they had record players,

10:21 a transphobic picture of a man and a woman does Does it have a dress? Does a woman have a dress? Yeah. Watch that movie contact the other night with Joey Falls. Yeah, it's amazing Is that? Where? But I swore there were images on that thing. What do they look like? And the guy who blew himself up, like, the religious dude who blew himself up, like, Jake Busey, that's right.

12:52 This was not the same as that gold thing. Okay, we conflated the two. Her penis? Yeah, what if the aliens would think our clothes are yeah No, you'd be covering your dick in balls. They Barbie dolled the. Well, when was this sent out? They were way ahead has hair that looks like that but it's also it's like It's very weird. Hi, aliens. Yeah. Here's my dick.

15:23 Yes, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Jesus. They put the slowest guys, the slowest run NASA I knew that but I didn't know part of that I thought he was always Do you want to get a dick pic to space or not? Mattel. killing me dude like he wanted to make a prank show called prankistan where it's just middle easterners doing pranks on people the most inappropriate pranks like uh yeah yeah he

18:16 And there's that. And they say even though they're not FDA approved, it're wrong or well-being for your own knowledge is it that they're incorrect And some people with no symptoms at all. No one knows. So Anderson's explaining this to her. fucking thing in your ear you don't even see me right and you're just talking into a camera when magic had those AIDS I used to pray

20:51 He must enjoy some of that. People from Vegas. like here's an example. Yes, it's bad luck. Yeah. That means the animal's eating you. Like you're over some dude's house and you're like, would you like some rhino tea? Really that they think it's gonna give him a boner cuz they know about Viagra, but it's that it shows that you have this. There's all these fake Ed Hardy jackets that I guess are very expensive.

23:50 Thank you. like you I heard you're poor like that's like terrible terrible insult there why The I heard part is just, that's just how it came out. Yeah, right. And I don't mean, you're not free to like, about China so fine so He goes it's fine. That's late. The cops went home the cops just go home Were like three New York Going to the future it's like you get an inverse kind of uh like in america's all it's like new money compared to old money like the

27:26 The part of communism they're taking is like the state control. Like yeah. Well all the streaming stuff is there. So you know whatever. You know what I mean? And also I was shocked how good the comics were. Really? Were there people that lived there? You have to more – I think what you have to worry about is another business because it's popular. Social distancing violators. Yeah, so if someone is like high-fiving his neighbor or you go over to the next door neighbor's house to have dinner or something like that.

29:38 more on the okay you got a social distance and like enforcing it it seems like that that group It's like, And it's like, Well, that's if you are serious about it. It's like there are some things that like, did you see the Elon Musk beef that he got in with someone who is a reporter for CNN? It's a respirator thing. that are getting these respirators and explained.

31:32 respirators it's bullshit machine it's a worm yeah but it's pumping oxygen into your into your so it's like if you it's like he wrote cop killer or something like without a lawyer, which is like a lot of them. how to handle this for their business of like we got to condemn people it's almost like a fossil Didn't somebody get mad at Adam Driver because of, this one was crazy.

33:41 That's how absolutely fucking break from reality discourse but you're definitely seeing people get in enraged and inflamed more often well by the way a deep believer, it's because it didn't, Jamie Kilstein was one of the first, right? Well, so that's the running out of fuel for these fucking things. Who was 1983? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. George Takei. George Takei Stern Show. Sulu? I know. Yes.

35:54 Like, legitimately. and they go searching for it if you were looking oh part two? Yeah. That is, right. Yeah, no shit. Like, well, PC's back. religion the ones that have like this is what i think is going to be an ebola ultimately the you're attacking people, I think you realize a big part of being a person is learning how to be nice And they're socially fucked up people that are engaging in these online wars.

39:45 They got that game locked up. Do you know what I mean? People told me he raped someone. What he was accused of And so when you do that, people turn on you like, well, fuck you. Twitter you would be a fucking asshole It's not like that's a good point. It's not a nice one. They're like a lot of them, That's, You wouldn't raise your hand and say that in the, because because in the Bible, you don't want to stumble your brother.

43:00 They're like we're gonna handle it and that's why we a bunch of church things like if this kind of And is the idea that so that no one can get kicked out? Like, if you've got a kid fucking priest and they're holed up in a church over there, you're supposed to leave them there. All of them. Of course you do. Yeah. Yeah, that probably goes back a long way.

45:12 Theirs is like have 19 arrows. Like she went the other extreme. There's a lot of them are going to flip. I was saying because they're no-nonsense people because they get up at 6 o'clock in the fucking morning every day. remember um those are different kind of people. Yeah, he's a lot. But he fucking, That's actually a workout for CrossFit. Why don't you just get a job?

47:46 but you can still say farmer strength, Just, Oh, I'm sure. For that job, Is the brawny guy a ripoff He's the kind of guy Yeah, it's a regular dude. Yeah, there we go. He died of HIV, sadly. Like, I don't need why, It says strength has no gender. Fuck you. they're like, what do women, whoever the Don Drapers that go, Because every woman is an engineer.

51:33 The brawny guy is a goddamn lumberjack. He has to jack the lumber of one full man. I don't know anybody that's a female lumberjack. Are you pretending you're out there do that job, I promise they're not going to put on the paper towels. Go to that picture. week and your fucking body's broken down because you're carrying logs on your shoulder and shit

54:27 Lumberjack is a brutal physical. What was that one? Which one was it? It was preposterous. And somebody told me it's brilliant because it's to the women who are buying the razors. and they just say maybe there's an opportunity here The guy... Is there a show like that? That's weird. Here's an example of the type of shows you like. Is that what they were depicting?

57:15 on one of the puppet sitcoms from the 90s and that's weird too the guy put his hand on that Or that they insulted you and then they put their hand on your shoulder. they were going to like yeah right hatch or hitch a ride onto the back of this movement a bunch of things did yeah It's like a little scenario. I mean, I want to show. Could's the guy i mean i want to i want to like

59:28 FDA might have violated them. I mean, they're the biggest was. It was so good, I screen His balls are soft balls. Because I'm just thinking of the amount of distance of scrotum you need to flop him out that amount. This is a screen grab. Same thing happened at Dignitaro. You don't want to be that hot. You just want to. I guess there better be, like, a baby on the end of it, I guess.

1:02:55 Exactly. about the couple they are gonna fucking. Hee hee. Yeah. Oh, so there's like a context for it. He showed his whole asshole? I mean, kind of. You know, Bobby Lee's another ass. Outrageous. Did he show his whole asshole? Oh, so there's like a context for it. No, yeah. Yeah, he walks around New York with like. Who gets the most colds and flus?

1:05:11 That makes sense that it would help your immune system except for something you don't have what, So there's a drop of blood. I don't know if there's a You know, it's like when you see a bird, like a toucan that has a crazy beak. Right? He's got a super bright one. How psychedelic is that bird? Do you think dinosaurs are like that's probably all the dinosaurs were that kind of crazy point percent? I'm

1:07:41 Terror birds. That's alive today. about eating you. Karen, I needed that. terror birds a dinosaur. They did it with mermaids for somebody's birthday? It really does look like a Reebok, his fucking head. Well, they're an invasive species over here. And this motherfucker comes in and gets it. That really looks like a fucking dinosaur. Where do they live?

1:10:28 They should never do CG because puppets look more real. It's so weird. Yeah. Who's the person there? And I think... Harrison Ford did look a little bit CG. He probably was this is like a low-key flex of liberties and there's a lot of things they changed. Oh. What turned out to be a mistake? of the first season and when the guy gets sucked into the uh the airplane engine they show that

1:13:52 Zohan's one of the funniest movies ever. But it was fun enough that I was like, you got me. I'm going with you the whole ride. Yeah, the singing thing. Yeah, it was kind of preposterous. Oh, his fucking Netflix. I know him. It was like all the He got blowback Fucking Billy Madison And all that shit He's got a bunch of people remember and then You know because I have done that he 51st Date, Sandler explained.

1:16:04 Yeah, well, it sounds like it got made into a thing by an article. You know what they are, dude? He's just saying he does his movies and vacations at the same time. That's pretty wise. Brothers movies, but I never thought of them as like You know what I saw fairly recently? Really? Whoa. and they live in this fucking rat infested, you know, because

1:17:42 Really? I'll check it out. Once Upon a Time in hollywood but i just And there was a real instance, and this is what I've talked about beforeuce lee had relationships with uh people that were stuntmen in a positive way and And they get in this – I mean that's what – they don't tell you that – Where was it from? and he's just holding a spear gun This is from your mom's house, by the way, people with the shirt.

1:20:34 fucking tiger yeah That's like a feel, it's fun. If you were dealing And plus, a lot of people that was a big part of the movie there was a problem after the accident no uh she's transgender if a bear gets a taste for human, it's bad. Remember that? Yeah. pulling him away. But why? And he... by the foot and drags him away he said he thinks to eat Carol Baskin.

1:23:45 we put that on there. What size do you wear? You know, I Not just wear it like some cowboy boots, right? I mean, dogs bite chews. I had two dogs. What? People ate shoes. I know. He said to us, I'm in a text group, a group text with him. Very weird. point um it's we're like six weeks in right and people are really antsy for things to open back Isn't that a song about...

1:27:30 teacher and she's hitting on him here we go young teacher the subject of school girl fantasy she is a pedophile song that's a song about a guy getting tricked into fucking a 14 year old. His car is warm and dry. Do that shit go on when I was in high school a Spanish teacher? He's a handsome young man. gone to jail and hooked up and this naughty girl fucked an older man who had a boat.

1:30:53 at prom season a bunch of like long island high schools go to comedy shows after their prom yes And the guy was like, I don't know, like 500 bucks. kids why i think there's some guys out there that hit a point in their life like maybe Yeah. It's constant. But if it was a guy that was fucking a 15 or 16-year-old girl. We're just happy it's not a cousin.

1:33:29 Yeah, I don't, man, I guess. like 16 when i was in high school like 16 i was as kid of a 16 year old as you can be because we I think it's like some pure, you know. I mean, there's a real story of someone where the teacher got the kid to kill her husband. Pam was smart. Yeah, there you go. Go back to that picture again. Yep. Yeah. But it's funny, right?

1:36:41 Yeah, exactly. That one, Inner Prime. It's like camera hangs on toes for a while until they move. do that yes exactly exactly she's beautiful now imagine if she is the teacher and some 15 year old, 16 year old boy, if the teacher, let's not say it's her, let's say it looks like it could be like her cousin or something like that, but really hot, just as hot as her. Let's not say it's her. Let's not be disrespectful. If someone on an equal scale of hotness to Salma Hayek fucks your 16 year old boy boy. What chance does he have of saying no to that?

1:38:27 Somebody said They don't have any time. They don't have no time to wait. Those bitches are all crazy. They don't. That's right. They don't have any time. how will a high school student And they wind up No, it was a male gym teacher and somebody else. I didn't think it was just, it was very Joe Biden-y. It's fun. They'd be good. They became friends huh, and he was like. I'm sorry. I called you Esther Williams

1:40:51 Okay, let's hear the audio. And he ran a bunch of bad boys. were all public housing behind it my car there was a gate out here i parked my car outside the gate and said, you may cut me, man, but I'm going to wrap this chain around your head. I said, you get off the board, and I'll kick you out again, It's only a few more seconds to go. How polite were those children being,

1:43:22 They're all just talking. Because it says it on that little basically know yeah and we were talking about and he said i like the biden makes me like makes me feel like They got to fucking. People on the left, this is why they lost. They were voting for way more lefty shit and not the normal feeling. And they had their, like, well, they're like his bitch now.

1:46:13 People just want to feel normal again. You're hearing about trials and errors and mistakes well that's when There's a lot of different things going on, man. Well, when you see it, they've had enough time to watch it. then she gives it a grenade and pulls it and walk and gets away by being called the more she would He does that every the people that just could get ruined by one minor

1:49:20 Right. That's why it's such an offense. The way he would talk. been and everybody's like i thought you were going to be a president though i thought you're going to act like we need because you want Yeah, based on the fucking of Bernie and him getting in. That was great, by the way. She's saying things that, you know, you really, if you want your team to win, you're not going

1:52:20 something and i i think that again it goes back to the thing like that's not nice like if all Why? It's just marketing. bit of it. specifically this is by design this is the same thing we're talking about with the elon musk thing It's an institution. And that's what they fucking... Did you find his quote? and they were saying, be my politics. It's got to be possible.

1:55:47 Because there's going to be people who should be able to report on maybe dumb shit that Trump tweets And then while they do that, he gets like a judge in or something. It's almost like in some ways it throws you off the trail. There has to be. then all like all the other ones like why don't we have a like daily show but more news than comedy Dude, Trevor Noah won.

1:58:10 kind of feeling of like so that's just that was different than him. When everybody's high on mushrooms and tired from going to the whorehouses. I haven't either. You're like, whoa. Right. He came out of Holland. but it's depends there's a few guys. That's hilarious. Holy shit. any kind of sci-fi where they're trying to, the martial arts of the future.

2:02:01 Well, that's where Bruce Lee was brilliant. He was a tough guy. I didn't like how they portrayed Charles Manson either in that movie. But the fucking podcast I did with him blew my mind. Yes. Tom O'Neill wrote this over 20 years. because he kept diving deeper and deeper into since I can't get it. It's crazy how almost reasonable it sounds. he's connected to the manson family and all these other different people. But why the Manson family?

2:05:16 utilizing that he learned in jail sophisticated techniques of how to how he's got a murder in people. For brainwashing. Gave him drugs. And that's part of the way they did it. That's a. Yeah. Yeah, that's a... experiments. We got a lot of great info from that I wish I remember the name of it. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Imagine you like eating ice cream at a diner.

2:08:32 Oh, here it is. Manchukuo? Manchukuo? How do you say that? Manchukuo that word? Manchukuo? Manchukuo? however we say it, during the Second Sino-Japanese Yeah, it didn't. Oh, my God. Who would resist? Okay, these killed six American civilians near Bly, Oregon. Well, I don't know. I think people found them and then they found out after the war about the project.

2:11:16 I'm so glad we're friends with Japan now. Nazis are a pop culture. Nazis, I'd like, I can't just go off your word. Like, no, I I'll handle it. I read someone calling okay where and by the way guy gives credit to people when they're he thinks they're good like guess, run comics now. comics that's mecca for social justice warriors it's like in a really annoying like i didn't know

2:14:29 So I think there's a lot of that setting in right they're trying to bring it back is the Twitter. Well, that's what we're, yeah. It's like bad real estate right now I absolutely thought. Do you really? about it it's just like i can't ever be uh or don't stumble your brother like i'm i'm not it's I think I'm only less susceptible to that now just because of growing up in that.

2:17:18 where you had to do it, like a religion you gotta think anything that you get devoted to right where where you that you said religion when it becomes called woke. Yeah, but this, it works the other way too though, right? Yeah, when we were doing- What was the Hulu thing He's awesome to hang out with And he's like, but you know, I don't know. some stupid guinea sheep.

2:19:07 Do you think there's less examples of that on the right than there are on the left of, and you know, there's every degree, every thing it it's now there can't just be two parties which is Yeah, that's the problem. The new mutants. I'm sorry. Not the new mutants. The it's what is it called did you mean the tv show the new mutants not the new i'm sorry not the new mutants the new warriors have you seen the most the most woke no what is

2:20:50 Snowflake and Safe Space. unironically. Look how unironically they swapped the gender colors. Well, people are mad and pink. If you dress like that bulge is bigger than his bulge too have you noticed that well how do you know that's the back in the good days shit where's the girl with the backpack? I don't know. No. So look at the drawing. She can carry a lot of stuff on her back.

2:23:30 like how Wendy, I get they want something As opposed to being like, please buy our thing. benefit of bad things actually comes in sometimes like some of the best things are bad things that This guy, George Glass, and he knew Tommy, That guy's cool as shit. remember that guy? I remember every character. I've never gone, But I immediately was like, oh, this, I really understand this.

2:25:50 it was fucking awesome I mean Yeah. When they say worst, they have to be, I mean, watchable where it's not boring. The best? I've only seen it on Forever. a billboard up forever yeah but what year was the movie made 2003 it said How old is he? Is that the end of Elizabeth Berkley after that? Wow So what are they coming back Referring to it him judah freelander was his roommate oh that's right yeah he said skippy would just like be in

2:29:41 Now I'm Skippy with nuts. I don't know. I met a TV. He's a prop guy that's right was a genre and it's all like that Or did Bob Dylan have the placards? I didn't find it to be shit, but I know it's a legendary thing of throwing your placards. Oh, I'm thinking of U2. He was the first. He's just holding up these pieces of paper that have all the different lyrics on them.

2:32:17 No, no, I'm asking is it well that who knows That's it at the top, Jamie. Okay, go up to the NSX Yeah. Oh. I'm a rapper in my mom. Okay. This one's pretty famous. I only know the NXS thing choking himself sensation He wanted to make this as an invention, It has a sensor to just release you when you... There was a preacher that died. What's the wetsuit for?

2:34:26 And then the wetsuit squeezes. And so he's realized what gets him I got an idea. it's not well yeah well from the bronze ages It's like God will give you 10 more sons. but imagine if god was real but god only came down occasionally and tried to get people to do he goes down and talks to this preacher and says Prometheus is a weird one, right? Welcome to MAGA.

2:37:52 Yeah, yeah. I know. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. jamie that thing that was more in the beginning that guy no no he was uh towards the end i think But I thought this one was like it would eat. No, I am talking about Covenant. It's lighter skinned. that this and jumped out color. And it was down... When he was in I can feel it. They killed it. yeah that's it

2:41:17 see ladies and gentlemen And it was also interesting, too, like the difference between the new version where they He tried to kiss himself or something. So that's what it looked like. It's up to this last space Judy to fucking. You got to go back to the original one. They don't know what they're doing. Am I wrong? It turned out to be true. If it said Melania, then I would go, oh, time travel.

2:44:18 I mean, it's not even fair to- Wait, oh yeah, Laura Bush was a... Remember that naked gun? she was the first lady, They did. really? That's how Larry Flint got rich. to get kicked out of in Ohio. Yeah, right. In fact, I'm doing it right now. The ones who, this is just a trick. I hope that we find out that you have to love pussy to run the country. can i tell you something punch an aids test was not as stressful. Really? Yeah. I didn't feel as...

2:47:55 Yeah. on the highway which wouldn't be too bad except it's black ice because it's winter And he was trying to pass this tractor trailer And then we spun into the middle of the highway. I just went like that. from being in that thing. Yeah. Well, Jehovah's Witnesses, some people live on earth in a Garden of Eden restored paradise. It's gorgeous. It is completely isolated in the middle of the ocean.

2:51:11 It shocked me. Jurassic Park. I've been to Maui, it would become a beautiful hell Oh, yeah, for sure they did, right? A bunch of people. And they're trying to do all these different things to try to save the beach. Yes. They have a way to do some walls but the thing about it is Well, they're saying by 2100, it's going to move all the way through. before the 2016 election just before it and they were into trump oh really yeah because he's like a

2:54:37 Like, they don't have any feelings. said it was because of americans um yeah they're like fucking romulans do whatever whatever it I watched that interview you did with what's his name? the word smoking in your head You called the system up. Yeah, for sure. Ventura put their hand He's the one guy who can't be stopped for not. Like he was supposed to like,

2:57:38 You better. Like, I was going to ask you. I want my pussy handled. He does yoga and tigers. There was an FBI raid at your house because you bought drugs in the park. Hey, Boggy Vaughn. And it's like, oh, that's there too. or something like that? And the doctor was like, listen, you got to brush your teeth. Rhino horns. you ever see the Johnny Depp movie

3:00:29 and he looks like a Dead Men Tell No Tales Pirates of the Caribbean ghost. rotting You get like new nose holes besides? No, I know. No. eat? Oh my god. He looks like A powder wig's not going to fix that. Look at that shit. What does it say? Syphilis? So it came from Native Americans? Didn't it? Have you seen the Ed Hardy? shit about them. Yeah, stuff gets...

3:03:32 JFK and Hitler were getting their meth to come. Based on true events. Yeah, Al Capone was a guy. legitimately and then they were still fucking Aw, dude. Wait, that's not a mole, right? Hole in his face. No, you would fuck a cousin and then whoever attends to your cousin in the castle. can't have kids you know oh i'm a sterile am i i'll show and he just spread a whole bunch of

3:06:18 Can you imagine that they were proud? Right, it was like that vitamin company. Was there any kind of drugs? That's just like a seasoning on top of something that's already there. Like if you are, something you're devoted, it's something that it gets to who you are. You can disorient. I just don't, like Ted Kaczynski, I can see that looks like something getting out of hand.

3:08:25 Okay, great. The trains run on time, And he knew ahead of time. Yeah, Russell Crowe, remember? in the movie yeah mental Which one the one that hung out with the Manson's cuz one of the boys Brian Wilson Well, not only that, marijuana can fuck you up if you're not ready for it. Yeah. That delicious tobacco. when things bounce back a bunch of people in masks

3:11:12 I hope it does help. I just wonder, I wonder how long that's going to take. for a car that just showed an empty road there's a whole because once it's commodified like hey kids Yeah. anybody on the right they hate a fucking john stewart era liberal more than any does it i mean that they're fucking so but they don't the first thing about it who's that guy that got the

3:14:15 The people I know that spout that shit, most of them have money. Oh, the Black Lives Matter people took his mic? You think, I mean, Are you fucking high? campaign speech to get your ideas across. I feel like you didn't get enough It's not helping your... She probably didn't even know that one was doing... She Shafir'd it. That was tremendous. That blunt, dude. I know. This is speed weed. Shout out we flew by. Well, we got very high. We did get really high. That was tremendous.

3:16:31 That's why I was doing my podcast. Hope everybody's good. I'm on Instagram, uh, when we set up a... He didn't say his website. when Bill Maher didn't know that video's hilarious