Joe Rogan Experience #1495 — Kyle Dunnigan Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Kyle Dunnigan smoking marijuana. This is dangerous. You're gonna go crazy. You think? Yes. Don't you watch those movies? Wow. That's right. Yeah, well Patty Hearst. Yeah, that's right. Well directly because of William Randolph Hearst. Because they fuck like crazy. And then that became the infestation. animals wound up running amok and killing everything that's what always seems to happen

2:59 we're spitting facts son yeah yeah about wild Yeah. About wild animals. Fucking wild cats. You're the one who told me that covers the hills Isn't that weird? what's that they want uniform just all the grass all right right isn't that a weird thing that we I see all that green. Yeah, that feels good. Yeah, fuck trees. Three. Things go wrong all the time. People get hit with with trees we've talked about everything i don't know

5:30 Oh, yeah. have a method to it but but i wonder how many women that would be a crazy reality show they It's a lumberjill Oh, yeah, she said that are throwing axes and shit. I think he did. I didn't take the picture with the sword. No. With the Comedy Store embargo, Yeah. Normies. This is my big year. Just to talk to a stranger on the phone about their cat.

8:39 I'm not, I can't take what you're saying. It doesn't matter how long it takes. Why is it so maddening? That's not a real expression. Buffalo trace. To 2020. At the last minute, they've already committed, and you're just like, Well, I think people are realizing that society and civilization hangs on by a thread in some cases. disease like a fear disease that's sweeping through the land too right and i feel like it's

11:35 It's a very different feeling. even if you don't have COVID, And there's so many more instances of scary things that you're being seen in Yeah. It's understandable. virus. I think we just need to fucking make a collective global effort, a collected effort So if I want nice neighbors, don't I want a whole nice city? Like, there's too much of our time is spent communicating on, like, social media stuff.

14:09 You're talking just to the ether. And that's why we're acting like fucking nuts. Flip phones just have to get better text recognition software or voice-to-text recognition software They're too worked up about everything. to another horror What does this do? What happens? The most. I think just the headline sounds crazy. Oh, see? We jumped the gun. And the fire's getting worse, right?

17:01 Oh, my God. Oh my God, man. Dude, imagine living there and seeing that coming. bunch of them those were the ah damn it but people. No, Ewoks were the fluffy ones. They're called Jawas. So far, we're killing it. But we have to listen to climatologists. definitely should be protecting against the human impact on the climate change it It's real. We really have fucked up the earth. However, even if we didn't

19:33 That thing's moving right now. But even if we didn't, this is so dangerous. I think we're looking at 3%. If it's too big, there's nothing you can do. If it's too Jesus, Louie, this is bro. Jesus, Louie. Oh, Jesus Christ. There was a guy who was taking out billboards. The 21st is what they said. I like that we listen to people who just put leeches on people to cure their own things.

21:46 I know the temple. I thought one of – their pyramid, like those big steps. I thought one of their pyramid, like those big steps. What? So, wow. That's a sign people feeling out of control. that. horrible God that you're... Or how about your God tells you to kill somebody children that's a horrible god that you're or And you were about to. Yeah. A she-bear.

25:20 Yeah from there They have more than one translation? It seemed, when I heard it before, Holy shit. Does it say two bears? I was in a tent in the woods. Yosemite. And I fuck with him again. That's rude. I was in a tent in the woods. Don't even have gum in your pocket. It's a horror movie. Like her head went. Then it comes over to the tent, puffs her head.

27:43 And just you did everything not to breathe for two hours, Because once they know where something is, they keep going back. If there's been a bad climate, there's not enough food. They don't know exactly what we are. You saw Grizzly Man, right? no, bad. And he went and he was there long after they were supposed to be in hibernation. If he got together with Tiger King.

30:41 This dude is in Alaska in a paper house, right? It's not true. I don't think he would have been able to do that without that movie. He did it on purpose. He was like, oh, you don't want to listen to this. like a tiger would just kill you quick yeah they grab your neck right bears start eating you from clamped down on your dick and your asshole. It would surprise you.

33:29 Grizzly bears on the flag. I like rooftop camps, like where you could camp on the rooftop. Yeah. I love my car in a way that I've never liked something I've bought before. And it drives itself. People paid the money for them to send out all these fleets and they get all the data, which is what they need, tons and tons of data. the most important inventor of all time but nikola tesla i don't think you would think he's cool

35:54 And then they made money. He's always in the news. Right. It's like you know how many gasoline cars, fires there were that year? coming at him to destroy it The guy ahead of the board that looks into crashes. crash they investigate. to do when a truck is in the road like what happens like a truck tips over what do we do Well, it's just a different kind of thing.

38:49 Where's the stinky gas? And I was like, oh, that's what they have. I mean, it's like them trying to save the horseshoe guys' business. Why? Is there anything wrong with learning code? It seems like good advice. an asshole. Your friend is like, too many breaks being put on what people can and can't say like um i don't know how much of this awful comment section so I was trying to read through it to see goes back to what

42:32 anything that could be taking us on a call. FaceTime is even better just to like see their The emotional interaction we get from an actual human being. Yeah, yeah, yeah. any of this, of COVID. That'd be cool if I invented a saying. and there's a compassion fatigue awareness project. Yeah. I don't think they considered that. Imagine there's no heaven.

45:39 You gotta realize what you're doing is crazy. There's something in the back of your head. Real. If it's just kissing feet and kneeling, we're fine. people they're going to judge people on everything they're going to judge people based on the or they're from Mexico. do you make it better for everybody you gotta defund the police job that's like yeah that's

48:43 So the folks who have fortunately survived, the way he held a woman I'm so high. Look at that photo. Yes, they were on a comedy tour. Well, that's – he got caught up in that wave. She didn't want him to lose his job over shiva yeah she didn't want shiva to resign she didn't want Like, there are really people like that out there. that there's no I probably

51:18 we're doing here they come back keep getting moved it's funny You know? Blackface will never be fine. Well, obviously black people say that's example like a white guy we're mad about. That black face was weird. But when I watched that, to me, it is fucking fascinating. is fucking fascinating fascinating like almost in a scientific Yeah, man. It should be in public domain,

54:11 Imagine he's like, I like the way black people look, but their music's too good. 97, I believe. Al Jolson's pretending to be a black guy while Robert Johnson is alive and making music. It's hard for us to see in the 2020 context when there's so much music, man. little taste but robert johnson it's it's hard it's like when you listen to lenny bruce comedy

56:50 Robert Johnson. And you got a whiskey. Must have felt real good. 19... 50-ish years. they just arrested them a lot for shit yeah and then imagine being a guy whose Illegal so like the late 60s. Yeah, I Makes you smarter. I need one So the year I was born. Yeah. Yes. Gwen. Send these poor bastards out to be slaughtered. the the people that figured out how to

1:02:24 And then they got to repack it.! And then they gotta repack it. They lived like Comanches. I think he was like 16 years old or something crazy. We can't beat these guys. It's a crazy story, man. This was back before they saw if you had a reading problem. to go to this reading machine. like one sentence at a time and it goes by at, very sweet. And it projects on the wall, like one

1:04:48 Yes, I was on one. And then I go this way. Like, what is he going to do? I was like tiny. and he was crying. But I know her. So those recordings he did were almost near the end of his life He was trying to make him sick. This paragraph in the middle. Jesus Christ. tried to have his death looked into, What? No formal autopsy was done. So talented. Were they?

1:09:02 There's an album. Didn't he do like an impression of Karl Malone? someone of a different race. across the board if you're a white person you can't put black makeup on everyone's agreed to I'm fucking crazy. Yeah. I happen to not either. I don't think they thought that. And we don't have to let go new ones. that's really what it's good to have that option.

1:12:01 know and you had a fucking fake tattoo put on my fucking face or fucking you know like and his shitty movies No. Right? You think it wouldn't be a problem? Since the 1830s. Yeah, look at that that's that oh my god wmh west's big minstrel jubilee now me as a person just as a human being i understand the context of what would be offensive about this and

1:14:03 Okay, so 1900. It should be. we get high as fuck we time travel time machine could you imagine sitting there watching that I went to one of those festivals. and be like, people make fun of you Anyway, I was too scared activist. Look at all the hashtags We're talking about these ripples It's totally possible. And I just feel like, God, the news is just making things – they're going a little overboard with –

1:17:56 They canceled Paw Patrol All those accounts, the Twitter accounts and Instagram accounts that show all the crazy shit that Florida guys do like I am for And they don't have a whole lot of physical requirements on how much they learn martial arts or gun retention or any of that stuff. He actually, he didn't die from the chokehold, but I think a lot of people think he did.

1:19:41 No one stays there. if I basically remember correctly, he was using like a gable grip and rad. be wrong but I remember the video not it's not a full choke where you're going to sleep, but if someone has See, that is a choke. This is 100% a choke. I could be wrong, but if you go But that had to play a factor. And you do anything you can in that situation.

1:22:50 That's a strong motherfucker, man. I don't deny it. Because this dude is on him like a pit bull. Yeah, this. I just know if you're in a situation where- They got me. Cancels. They made it funny to watch these cops though. This is breaking news. Don't worry. Whatever you do, don't try to get your job And it was also like cops were these heroes, you know, in the parades, frontline workers.

1:25:32 He knew the taser didn't work. but the other ones something other than the cops Yeah, Maybe not. Call me. You're right, right? Close. It's a two-prong and get them to drink water and stop shooting heroin into the dick and get a job and there's a They're cuck. Do whatever you want to do. and he probably heard it from you. Absolutely. I kept one on my phone

1:29:16 I don't even know what I'm looking... Dude, that's a you're looking at what's that tongue thing coming exactly oh no dude that's a Like at receptions at a doctor's office, their job is to make you feel like, oh, that's fine. So I go in there and it's a little waiting room oh you talked to her oh we know that story yeah we were laughing all morning about that story about

1:31:05 for 30 days. Michelle's got to work your balls that is a great porno looks down that's all it is You know, I like it sounds good know what comes from because people they lost their hair to her wigs from syphilis Their teeth are falling out of their head. Everybody just fucked everybody. Yeah, like just imagine that shift in culture. attacks on the powder

1:33:54 the attacks on the powder stinky pussy who makes 40 grand, whatever, than be a king back then. Oh, look. Yeah, we can show our own clip. have holes in their cheeks and shit. So anybody who doesn't like vaccines, He's an expert in tropical diseases. Smallpox killed everybody yeah there was so much shit that was just killing people until they figured out

1:36:53 Bill Gates became a bad guy. Even if he gives his kids money, it's good that he's not telling them that he's giving them any money. No, because you have to have goods, land. There you are. This is what I'm talking about. If you're just doing that every day, I swear to God, you won't be happy. We need goals that we set. house by yourself. Yeah, you don't want a huge

1:39:06 I think he, you know. He never pulls his own fucking weight, this Robin. Schwarzenegger was in it. Tall she said she likes the ocean I get really pumped up when I hear a trumpet, though. with you i've been having all these serious podcasts thank you for having me i don't i can't We're Americans. No. No, no, no, no, no. to get back up. Full on half?

1:42:14 ripped him in half. And you know blood You don't want to be exhausted. And I think he might've swam to Lanai as well. know people are different anyway people are different you should come surfing with me dude for survival I'm very quick Just tie to you so it would get the seal. And they catch you. Most of the TMZ guys, a lot of them were comics. why can't I film them?

1:44:38 Yeah. I'm like, whoa, this is a loaded question right here. You just sit there and you just sit there. Let me ramp my brain up. No, this is like getting off of a plane. I mean the worst answers ever I don't know what the fuck I'm about to stand up. Let me ramp my brain up. No, this is like getting off of a plane. But I'm not the answer. I just have weird facts about the Comanches stored in my head.

1:46:33 It's a, you would just be in the woods pooping in a hole and you die in a week. no ifs ands or buts about it. It is what it is. They don't have any time. And just because my jaw is slightly bigger. with your appearance. and I had to live Yes. they weren't even nude, I'm proud to be one of your softest friends. Really? to become a power lifter. He was explaining

1:50:15 get a job carrying rocks all day yeah i dug i bought all these ficus plants for my front yard He's been on this podcast before. No, he's a bright man. He realizes that Yeah, that's what I did. But you can do this shit and this shit, I put in some ficus trees. so he can stare at it. He'll look at you, nature. How do you feel about that? i mean once you got on it you could tell but it's still beautiful but i don't like it because i want

1:52:58 Yeah, there's a, I mean, would you want to do your lawn in the fake grass? he's a nice fellow, I'm sure. what the fuck is this? Oh, forget it. You're covering over the earth. Don't cover it with some plastic. Like a garden is like, I put this into the ground and gave it life. That's great, too. Yeah, an orange from I just think baby carrots were baby carrots.

1:55:11 I might be wrong. I may be This way, my whole family is these giant barrels and then twig legs. Here's a dream I was having. Six foot can of Coke? Sorry. And this doctor was rubbing his chin, looking at my neck. And now they're both just like a little x-ray And the doctor looks at him and goes, what's going on here? They all suck his dick. Someone's scribbling. Some porn writers doing a podcast of great porn. Someone's scribbling.

1:57:36 Tom Segura immediately, immediately text me a photo of this lady with a fucking COVID mask on and some guys grabbing her ass. Billions. You might get a virus. Now they're covering their mouths. Crazy. Exactly. Antisocial behavior people people getting locked into an online world Yeah. Oh, your neck. It's not a great story. Why I brought this up, It's cool.

2:01:40 I was like, okay. Two people with, boy, say that word, beta thalassemia. I think this is where. wrong seven feet tall yeah yeah you have to be the rock i saw yeah. Yeah, you have to be The Rock. I saw The Rock years ago. But in the future, like that's an anomaly to be that big, Jesus, son. I mean, I think It was a Vietnam movie, a real trippy movie with the guy

2:04:59 Jacob's Ladder. That's right. induced, fucked-up dream. We're going to fuck it up like we fucked up the environment because with the tesla car and they're they're solving vision now they're going to be able to and turns off. You can't live I'm talking about... something that's not a human. It's going to be too easy. It's like real. Until you don't. And then when you don't,

2:07:35 You know, she gets a little spicy with you. But then why am I paying for her to just be a regular person? I'm not against that, actually. but they have to be morons. Don't worry. Would you like would you want to do it the hard way or would you want to stay alive the same amount of time? You can have something a little in between. But I thought Mike liked working at the sawmill.

2:10:05 Do you think we're in a simulation? I should say this. What do you mean? got to go there the next day and see him you got to run into him feel bad we feel The smallest, the plank length, I think it's called, But if someone touches you, they touch you. Well, now, look. No car accidents are real because no one ever touches anybody. Which sex will be more mad?

2:12:56 That's what they wanted. White guys would be so mad. Viking dick. And he just gorilla fucks your grandmother. Oh, what a gift. I'm not, I don't think that's ridiculous. Like, there's some evolutionary code. Victimless. and has emotions, and we decide that I always go to that scene in Ex Machina when that lady just leaves. like our purpose we find out is to create the machines that makes a lot of sense and this just

2:16:35 and it takes like 14 billion yeah and it's a big bang and every 14 plus billion years we figure out And it's a big bang. And every 14 plus billion years, that someone figured out how to make a revolver, right? Right. Same story. thing is we're missing gravity is weird where does that go well not just that like what about dark Fair question. Doesn't say so.

2:19:01 They got us. This isn't about ratings. First of all, people understood how far away other stars are. And how does it go through the air and land perfectly on Kyle's phone? I just was a little bit. That took us almost a week to get there going 18,000 miles an hour. So if there is a civilization out there, and I'm not saying there is, but if scientists

2:21:25 sending videos through the air You've got to assume They just don't use them. You know, helicopters were supposed to be the next form of transportation. It'd be so loud. You could, How would you make clear lanes and paths? I mean, on the alien thing, I a hundred percent think there's life on other planets. you get like a speck or they just they recognize by the way the sun wobbles sometimes.

2:24:00 Like we have photos of Venus. Just imagine if you were floating around near that thing and you could look at it and realize here's this lifeless massive object that shares shares a solar system with us I have a telescope on in my lawn Like, when that happens, an asteroid slammed into Jupiter, Look at that, man. Yeah, apparently it's so massive that it sucks things into it.

2:25:54 You know, if you're anywhere near the impact, you're dead instantly. Because that'll kill everybody, right? Danke viel. Look at this. the size of the Earth. I think we shouldn't check Oh, yeah. it'll be when a giant rock is coming from the sky to kill us all. Roughly. So I don't know how the fuck it even... Wow. I do notice more fires. It's not. We're still fucked.

2:29:42 I told you, son. All the ones they burnt down. I just feel like... That's all you need. Roadster? Well, everything got bumped. really the Roadster? you know what i can't be tricked by though model cars what do you mean when i see a photo of a I haven't honestly tried. It lifts off the ground. What was I just saying? 1969 I'm trying to see if I can find a photographer

2:32:40 how you would ever describe this to other people. go back here's the thing it's not because that one's got a bold white stripe right down the fucking nose. You don't get any Leonard Skinner for the rest of my life, It's amazing. Is that a model car? It's hard to tell. It's a shitty photo. Oh, these cunts. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

2:34:52 A model car. That's fake, too, though. Like, something about you is like, nah, player. I mean, where it is, it's like in the middle of a white. for a second. Even if you CGI'd perspective and you're like just by the way the light is playing off that thing It's amazing what happens in your subconscious. Yeah, I bet there's a lot of dudes who are seriously into those fucking things.

2:36:44 Do you think when no one's around who was starting to just stand up and everything. yeah but i think uh i enjoy there's there's like weird challenges to life that's part of what's fun You have to have all the things together. Yeah. And he didn't do anything to get it. And also like Kurt Metzger helped with that last one. but it's, What am I supposed to do?

2:39:42 You can't lie. I'm really not mad at Bill Maher. They're great, man. That show's a national treasure. Yes. He's fine. I love his rants. Yeah, it is. There's a place for them. It was amazing. Eddie Murphy plays like a nerd character. Yeah, I mean. Can we get the- Can we get the Rotten Tomatoes on that? Wait a minute. They hate life. Racist shit to oh, that's him right there, but it's him saying it

2:44:18 get back to a point where but or recent immigrants Nobody cares. Isn't that what it is? in the front row. We both put the headphones Oh, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. It's like they decided that, I guess they decided that they wanted to put black people I have a problem with Kiss And he just loved Kiss. Anyway, I associate Kiss with him. that song how's that go wish i could play it for you i get pulled off the youtube i know beth what

2:48:06 that did their album covers. This is like Kiss Alive Two Days. Cover of it. They own the song. That's got to be here before you die. These fucks. they fucking every podcast No. That's Gary Clark Jr. They trimmed it down only 25%. Is that true that D is the important one? And only 4% had sufficient levels. No, 20—I'm fucking the numbers up. You have to have vitamins.

2:52:53 it no symptoms they just got it yeah and then they're fine all right i know a bunch of people The water is important. There's a lot of shit going on, man, but we're only here on one side. What would Bill Maher do? That's such a good impression. Your Bill's pretty good. Why do you have those noises? Well, she does that Where's Kim? sort of defines but her,

2:55:38 And died. I keep saying she she she's you are you're a hero. I think she was Bruce back then. Yeah, she was Bruce Right. Pretty upset about that. her. Yeah, beautiful, hero, brave. If you're going to screen someone into a Hummer across traffic, that's a good time. Again, we're making up. Imagine if there was like a PR guy and he's like, I got a plan.

2:58:01 Let's get this party started. Oh, I know Chloe made a video where she was like, we're mad at you. Look, they must have a good sense of humor Oh Really? And they can't stop correcting other people. A little angled haircut. Someone's saying don't call women a Karen. whatever reason, Karen became Caitlin's to or Catherine Caitlin's owned by a gentleman forever. No kids calling their daughter Caitlyn now

3:00:30 Her last name was Cuccioni or something. and I guess I'm stopping myself. Why should I look something up? you get this venom if you diverge from it's really weird but i've had a few bumpings with uh I have a little... Well, You know about that? And you've just it's just a they would never do this. and my brother is just like a really nice, emotionally intelligent guy who's just suddenly getting spit on and stuff.

3:03:13 If, I mean, if the other side didn't have guns, I'd be like, okay, I take away their They need to be better trained. this system is broken. I hope they redo it with more money, because they're freaked out and their adrenaline's running yeah bad decision and they don't they don't He's thinking, I'm going to punch this motherfucker. they want to be able to kill somebody and blame it on, you know, this person's a criminal or whatever.

3:05:26 man because it's it's uh it's happening all over the place it's happening whenever it seems like whenever cops get ramped up and they have you know a lot of power and they're holding a gun It doesn't mean it's good, but there's less black men are killed by cops now than there was before guy who has a gun who's literally telling you get on the fucking ground you have to listen to him

3:07:08 you what to do. Somebody needs to come forth and say that. make sure that they never fucking do that ever. cops because you're going to leave it in that person's head that cops are assholes cops treat And that town in Seattle, what happened there there was no police and they How did they get, say, leave cops and the cops left? They were espousing an ideology that on paper at least seems sort of admirable,

3:09:54 that's piracy. give you three tomatoes if you give me that camera if i'm like okay good deal well you're allowed to That's what will happen. New York City. Double fingers. That's the guardian angel. New York city. Yeah. I think so, right? and dudes had like... That's a cool idea. They had all the superheroes in Seattle walking around a couple years ago.

3:12:37 It was very strange. If you saw a cop in traffic and you're like, But they disbanded You're fucking up, man. You're fucking it up for everybody else, too. 100% will get away. If there's no cops to call, And then you say, well, how many of these were negative? Are you going to do that now? yeah like okay well rationally we need to stop that from happening how do we do that how do we

3:15:12 I might be ignorant, but I feel like it's called that to cause controversy so it gets attention. It's going to be dudes with baseball bats wrapped in chain mail like that Deegan dude. The mean guy who kills people with a baseball bat? I'd get a gun. It's not even the same people. Probably close. A lot of fucking cops man I think through this And he probably should.

3:17:15 Yeah. do you really need to be violent with them and lock them in a cage i don't know if that's the yeah i would go well sir um i definitely didn't know that that was happening. He's like, yeah, man. to this horrible story about these commandos that came into this people's houses and uh they came The Comanches found them. goes fucking completely sideways i was watching this thing in new mexico where this one kid hit

3:20:41 People having gunfights on the street. Well now that we've cheered It's awesome. This was really fun. Yeah. Yeah, it's helping them get rich. Seattle. I got so many important things to do. Yes, it was.