Joe Rogan Experience #15 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Start the recording. Start the broadcast. Bullshit, son. Maybe I'm a little... This motherfucker and his goddamn iPad. I got one. It's kind of interesting. It's good if you have a headphone microphone thing plugged in to it. But I don't think this stuff is any good now. Everything's the same. The programming is the same. It's just two different ways

2:50 writing it. Cause like when I write something, if I write a blog, I don't type that fast. There's an art to it. Yeah. was a book called early bird highly recommended though it was about a guy that used to write for That's hilarious. that really are directly attributable to our time in the jungle, you know? seeing if we could because then I can't uh

5:39 But I read The Great Shark Hunt, the Hunter S. Thompson book. He was just making all kinds of crazy shit up about, like, Las Vegas and campaigns and dudes being on drugs. from africa you know hunter wrote this whole thing about it and this guy literally fell apart on the No way, really? and I'd seen him on talk shows before, super violent fucking drug-addled

7:59 interesting this guy was. It brings me back You know? Look how crazy he is. I almost just that what i'm saying is that the commitment that's involved in order to get to the highest less entities you know i mean now corporations basically are allowed to uh they're they're You know, and that's like a real problem that we have. crazy that's what it is to get at the highest levels of anything whether it's

10:59 It's weird because that's our high watermark, you know. Instead of trying to fucking smash atoms and create black holes, let's settle down and let's concentrate on some other shit. They die all the time. What kind of balls do you have to have to be the fucking CEO of a corporation like Halliburton Or vice president. What is the Dick Cheney bunker? There was a lot of gay shit going on.

13:52 And other reporters were like, who is this motherfucker? No way. The tickle guy. D.C.? I am not going to kill myself. Oh, my goodness. Democrat senator. Somebody tweeted it. like trying to conquer the world, be happy all the time, then be this like, super ambitious, you know, gotta go get it typical us thinking that somehow or another, like bigger houses or bigger cars or bigger bullshit is going

17:56 They go to see him. You know, if you got that phone call in the middle of the night, you wouldn't be that That's, that's the cold hard fact. But enough so that you know everybody. why wars work is because we feel like, well, yeah, we got to defend ourselves, and we all know we Who the fuck are you, and why are these people mad at you? released that you haven't seen yet that was on

20:20 corrected and these guys were like you know look I, if they thought they were insurgents, so he can ice them. we doing that our american friends our people who live over here in this country are subject to until like 25, hyper aggressive, extra violent and ready to do stupid shit. You feel like you're representing some real shit, I could have got sucked into it.

22:44 like they're protecting us? They're protecting countries, that's not what's happening. Like, the whole thing is nuts. You know, the idea of protecting America, the idea of, you know, being a proud citizen and standing up for your country, that's all noble. It's this fucking crazy healthcare thing and this fucking crazy thing that's going on with So it's not just the Republicans.

25:12 think it's wrong. We're supposed to think allowing this life to keep rolling getting past that shit and we're supposed to be evolving in a technological sense. But we should be figure out it's all bullshit. Back in the day when you were fighting for the Roman Empire, Like, what? we have to do every morning like we don't have to go to work and work on say insurance cases all day

27:49 No, you just fucking keep going. You motherfuckers that are older than me, And it doesn't involve going to countries They are, absolutely. I thought it was boring as fuck. Clash of the Titans. I mean, like, The problem was there wasn't enough shit going down, you know. but I don't know what he's saying. Some chick asked me a question on Twitter today.

30:35 12 You can't seriously What the fuck? No. it drives me nuts. apostrophe. You're gonna get a U Not in L.A. It's so fun. And it's fun. I mean, don't get me wrong, the fucking car is fun as shit. These little This thing is just as fast as that, but handles way better. the GT500, like no i want to live okay what if you had a weekend car what if you had this and you had

34:12 You feel that fucking roar, Yeah, The new 911 Turbo is 0 to 60 Shut that shit up you're way behind Too much. And that's how you feel when you live in L.A., you know? Some rats would sit by themselves and shake, and just, like, face the corner. I wanted to get away from this heavy vibration of all these people. You know, I was in the car either, Well, I heard it from a few people.

36:56 6.9 or something like that. north of Los Angeles. Indonesia two hours ago. Yeah, right? Four minutes ago. Google is the shit. and in North Carolina. is Duncan Trussell's I'm gonna put this shit Dailymotion stole it Oh yeah absence right Duncan Trussell. It's hilarious. that, there'll be a website Really? That guy created all kinds of shit. Well, they already do that.

42:06 Like the greatest genius ever. man i always wonder where the fuck ideas come from you know what if ideas are literally like they pull these things down out of the air. we've got to have a real conversation How are you seeing that? I am. Brian, why dude. Yes it is. I'm not at Brian. Stop Whatever you're doing, I'm seeing you fucking flipping through pages.

44:29 You see this thing but I was off. Okay, all right. It's causing you to do that. I think when people are talking to each other, they sit back, the other person listens. Brian, I'm not talking for 20 minutes. Yes, you are attacking me. Okay. Sorry. Okay. Shut the fuck up, Joe. Go to my website and find some of the questions people have there. He was at the party I was at the other day.

47:03 But he got too fat. Like, I'm doing this new movie with this guy and I'm He's fucked all of them. Every single To a regular guy that looks like Bon Jovi? Right. You're lucky if you get some toothless blowjob This motherfucker is just banging, and he looks just like you. that's going to cost you $150. It wouldn't fucking cost you. This motherfucker is just banging.

49:16 I hate it, dude. your your collar and when they grab your your uh collar, they grab fistfuls of chest hair. Oh, fuck that. I mean, I've gone through, fun they keep doing it yeah jiu-jitsu when you get good at it is really fun dude And sometimes people get injured accidentally. anybody that you don't trust. You know, it's very important. Guys, some guys are just like a little

52:25 that he hurts you before you even get a chance to tap. and you're rolling with each other, I got to mount. you ain't thinking about shit but what you're doing you know yeah but it's always getting while I have the idea in my head. that I have to fucking go in the menu, find it, press that, press record. idea that might be the coolest thing i've ever thought of and if i uh last or wait like five

55:19 Well, you also, you also don't exercise that much either. If you have two or three, you might lose track of what the fuck you're talking about. I'm pretty sure. like a little boost. you can think of it a different way. What he would do, he would write everything first, sober sober and then he would smoke a joint and go over it which i think is I think thinking of the idea sober and then going off on the idea stoned always helps.

58:08 Well, the bit that I do in my act. Here's one of my stone jokes. That's hilarious., man. That really is funny. That's hilarious. fake Lisa Kudrow. You feel ashamed and disgusted, but you're not ashamed that you were following her to begin with. I follow people that like give out like really patronizing advice and like ridiculous God quotes and just really dumb shit.

59:41 He's like some really famous author. That's not a bad idea, but the problem with brownies is brownies and comedy When I get really high Sometimes I feel like I'm really tripping. That's i that's crazy that's too great yeah yeah the the fucking Because then I would just want to lie on my back on stage and start talking about the universe. Smoking it is the way to go.

1:01:44 Eventually, right now we can't do it, but eventually we're going to get to a point where we can do stone shows. It puts the DEA out of work. The reason why it's still illegal is all because of money. There's no one dying. There's no one if you're that dumb, you probably would have done something So you don't think that ever happened? If you're a weak-ass bitch.

1:04:17 And then people were using the whales as target practice. It was just fucking wiki answers, man. Some crazy God damn. It didn't, you know. Okay, so I just tweeted that. pot not being able to help dumb people is that you can't you put jet fuel jet fuel in a fucking He's like a fucking idiot. life that they're good for or should be doing. But there's definitely people with weak-ass,

1:07:30 you know it ditches you know it probably is it's probably they set the retard uh bar so uh low in anything. Their role models are all dunces. They grew up in a family where people would How do you fix what we got going on as far as the idea of a democracy? know people that are great people but but for whatever reason, they just don't think the same way that my other friends do.

1:09:59 I don't know. I mean, if you go on YouTube and search me smoking cigarette, I've been having all these conversations about religion on the Rogan board lately because of all this Catholic scandal that's going on. You know, if at the very top top this kind of shit is going on how do people get tricked into that how I don't know. And they'll send it to me or I'll send something to him.

1:12:21 different in let's say the next hundred years than it's ever been ever i There's going to come a point in time where we know the truth. Like there's some secret hate, you know. And you can't describe it, but you get a feeling from them. know, I mean, think about that. I mean, what is that? Where's that coming from? That's And I try to just be as nice and friendly as possible.

1:15:11 And the reality is I'm not taking your job. who's five foot six yeah you know i mean anything's possible you know there's there's there's and just so much information too yeah just like twitter alone has probably killed a million Now you are just What was that crazy movie, one of Stanley Kubrick's Yeah, what was that? Jenna BBB. but the problem is dudes want to,

1:17:44 You can't do anything. It's like, the guy's just doing nature. Get out of here, you know? Sex addiction is total bullshit. I have a friend who used to do a thing called shooting. So he takes this super thin running pants and he puts them on over his baby oiled shit. So he had no time for relationships go shooting or he would go shooting on the way home and then he would get something to eat and

1:20:29 she was like oh I'm sorry into his socks and shit Why do you stop that? they test those girls because I think that There's probably a lot of violence and where people get screened has to put a fucking ad Mm-hmm. You know, somebody killed me. There would be certainly way less rapes if dudes just get laid, you know, and people would settle down. then you get in your car you drive home oh I didn't

1:23:52 Take all your stuff, pack it, get in a boat, sail across the fucking world, And the furthest they could get was here. Yeah. pretty good I have a little bit of speech impediment due to my cerebral 10% of the population or something. questions simply by visualizing an ancient alien from beyond pretending to channel the answers You're off the track and into the woods.

1:27:00 And I pretend that I'm talking to if I was smarter than I am. Look at this guy. How do you think the world would turn out if it were to be divided by believers and non-believers? We should try to figure things out. Have I listened to any Daniel Dennett's lectures? See that dude go off on me about the last podcast, because I go back and forth on it,

1:29:25 At this point, with the amount of money that they're able to contribute to campaign funds and so much money is involved in, you know, in running the world. is. But I'm not going to sit there and try to figure out everything from A to Z about our government and freak out about it because you know what? But people could also argue that that's apathy.

1:31:15 It's called moving to Canada. It's not even You know, and that's one of the things that's cool about Canada. And it's so comprehensive and so fucking intertwined that just to study a single branch of it would take up all of your time. He ripped off all these really big name people. talking about money we're talking about everything and we're talking about this

1:33:22 the taxing, everything about the government makes no sense to the average person. again i mean people are dumb, man. tonight, right now. That's true. You just called yourself by your internet name. I can't change anything. problem is that i have to think about this fucked up system at all right that it's so broken you what you want to do and the idea that you have to go over there and in third world countries, and it's not you either. You should be able to fucking pursue what you want to do.

1:36:04 How nutty would that be? All of a sudden, we're go jack these fools and take their shit. people like these evangelists that you sweating like a pig and everybody in the audience is going bananas. And it's an intelligence test. what the fuck are you talking about That was a dark, dark time in American history. But once it gets too bad, you have to do something about it.

1:38:47 is hard or when you travel the weather kind of sucks You could live in Australia. Everyone's rampant. You'd have no problem there. Especially in America that's fucking the world. and we lose our marbles kind of... dissolving. And the only thing that keeps us in this one idea is travel. You know, it's we talked about Twitter and Facebook we'll be able to access each other's information,

1:41:54 that we're under their rule. Like in Thailand, there's a goddamn king, period. Maybe it'll get the people who are actually running understand all of everything. I think You know what the nuttiest thing about, like I was watching these solar system documentaries today? and eventually if we realized how long would it take I think it was 160, you know,

1:44:23 But why would it seem like that if it takes a year for the Earth to go around the sun, It goes around the sun in a year, right? that's happened. and that created the moon. healthcare a giant planet if it wasn't going to Just have orgies and be more straight love. this and that they figured out a way to That would be fucking bonkers, man. I heard a lot of scratching.

1:47:21 What is the best substitute for the current monetary system? gold, you know, it has to mean something, you can't have it just all numbers in computers, It's politics to me. against the grain and you wind up doing something that's shit you don't like. And you go against the grain. Yeah, that's strange. you know earthquake in baja mexico a couple days big one in indonesia today i mean we're having

1:49:57 Like, how nutty is that? How nutty is that idea some human who's pulling the strings at us. I think, uh, you know, it's, uh, it's about time. It's shaking us off, you know, It's going. Yeah. It was all fucked up happening more are happening more. So we'll have one more topic, What I don't like is when movies fake me out Any rational person, any thinking person does not want to be associated with conspiracy theories.

1:53:21 but you think that's an interesting approach to an idea or something. We've talked about that before with our friends unless you really, really, really research shit, companies have done cigarette companies have conspired have conspired to hide the facts about tobacco and to make sure that people keep smoking them and people are addicted. Every time I smoke a cigarette and my lips caught on fire, then I would hate it.

1:55:09 And let everybody else fight your wars and do battle. I think about my happiness I try not to. But I don't think they're right. there'd be no government, Ari says like social things to me the roof it's there's never been more access to weed in this country ever than right now that's why California is so in debt. You know? The end. I love this little fucker.

1:58:16 We will see you guys next week. Follow us on Twitter. Actually, I just got like 100 recently. I'm so close to 103,000. Oh, I just went today. I'm so close to 103,000. But once you do, man, it's so important. This is the end of this week's Ustream podcast and we will see you bitches next week. Thank you.