Joe Rogan Experience #1507 — Bob Saget Transcript

Transcript

0:00 yeehaw bob saget i am happy i am actually excited to be i'm excited to be anywhere but i'm especially Well, anything before the internet is hard. Yeah, correct. Right. A Karen. They stopped the name? And then AIDS candy. That's what it's called? Well, X-Lax actually helps you diet also. because I was having a rough day. So it's not a... Explosively, if you eat the whole box.

2:39 Barf's a detergent? It's a great beer. All those years of Full House. You're not going to buy Corona beer? Mark Norman had a funny bit about that. It's crazy. And then they told them they can't restrain unless you hit them with things, Well, we have to have order, but we also have to have peace. fuck he was doing this is the thing these cops don't they they should all be you know um

5:58 There should also be a psychological training as well. Neil deGrasse Tyson? Did you ever play in a rock band or anything? You guys get together? No, you won't do it. We do it at night. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's going to be a certain number of people that are just going to keep wearing masks. Did you see that lady in Florida? that their Petri dish was impenetrable.

8:43 I'll find it. Unless they were faking. comes out of his mouth. who's a mutual friend. But when you're talking to comedians. other. And I would go, guys, what One guy yelled, the South will rise again. You lost in 1865, you're going to rise again? But if 10 guys could pull it down with a rope and it's made of aluminum, that's got to come down. There's museum pieces on Genghis Khan.

12:37 like shit they're made really quickly yeah they're gonna make them I bet we Like, what's next? He didn't want to own slaves. Well, I think that's the worst way to get news is off television And it wasn't even news. There's jewels in all of it, though. There's reality in all of it because you'll get just the right broadcaster, an actual broadcaster and news journalist.

14:37 And then they'll have – because everyone has a voice. Constantly and we've kind of Everybody goes to the news source they want that validates what their opinion is. you know like if you like say if you're a pro. How beautiful is that? It's amazing. hilarious. Like when you I try to. on your website it's a pleaser you just got me some merch ideas that's a good merch idea right

17:08 Yeah, it's just there's also a problem that don't agree They're going to weekend at Bernie's, him, all the way to the fucking cabinet. That's not even him. No, I'd love to, though. I love him. And yeah, it was dana is an original I was looking at this video. Yeah. before he got that you got to work with Pryor It was 100% Pryor. Oh, wow. Just a real special, brilliant, lovely man.

20:41 I think that's Rikers, right? Cool, weird, eclectic group. Images in a lot of Coen Brothers movies. It's the dude floating in space, man. I was the guy. So we would go to dinner and we would laugh And every time I said this serious line, it was this young doctor, Richard just cracked up. And. The fact that he couldn't look in my face and kept laughing.

22:56 And he says, I don't think he'd mind me telling you this. I always think about when you talk And I just sat there and I remember crying. I said, so you're upset with me. yeah everything yeah he grew up in a brothel yeah i mean that's his headshot on the wall over there Well, I think everybody starts out in imitation of the people they really love and respect.

25:08 But I don't see that when I see it. Like if you listen to Stevie Ray Vaughan's cover of Voodoo Child, it's Stevie Ray Vaughan. So prolific. I couldn't believe it. times and I've told the story forgive me if you heard it on the podcast folks but Then I got this chance to see him a year later at the Comedy Works in Montreal as a part of the festival, the Just for Laughs festival.

28:04 He had a great bar downstairs. Yeah. Yeah. I did it the night before. guy who owned the club in Montreal had this little tiny club that was upstairs. That's where you go. I did it with Brewer too. Well, you're taking over the world. Kevin Hart thinks he's two of them. It's I do this. I'm fine working in comedy clubs for the rest of my life. I've been doing arenas

30:09 If we can never do arenas again, if no one ever, no rock bands, no UFC ever does an arena again, And I enjoy it, man. room. It's a great room. with comics on the road it's fun you know and my buddy mike young i we always tour together closed again they closed la jolla again too they were doing the la jolla store sorry to hear that We were talking about Mary Trump's book.

32:44 I mean, if she's being honest and i'm And that his father would, you know, would anytime he showed emotions or anytime he showed need, Is that short term? He could adjust if he would. You're laughing at it because you're a comic. Of course. Especially in this day and age when they could redefine you with something out of context. and kill the cops and all that crazy shit.

35:37 He thinks he's Don Rickles. That's why it worked. The beauty of roast battle is these people are shitting on the most embarrassing aspects of each other and they're both laughing at it. The Buddy Hackett and all that. Oh. I was a crazy person. The emcee? There's a phone next to me and the phone rings. I don't know. That's hilarious. I would have loved,

38:32 I got to meet Red Skelton once. Did you enjoy that show? When did you start? year old kids i take them to tournaments and they'd be fucking panicking and i would would talk them through it. And I would say, you're going to get through this. And other times i go okay Yeah. Howie Mandel's a dear friend forever. that's that you came from something that you never it's a dream fulfilled and it's about the human

42:32 And that's going to continue because I can't not say stuff. fallen apart for me i didn't see what fuck how fucked up everything was i mean you could go deep And all we're trying to do is make each other laugh. It's too soon. Yeah. And people are like, oh, my God. I expect that he's going to turn to me I don't have to now because I'm married He said, your act is all the lines you couldn't say on full house and you just say fuck

46:13 You've been stuck, right? Well, I had a Zoom came john mayer came dave coz always comes to it and it'd be music you you play right no i thought You should start a band, though. But I do love music. Yeah. It's really special. Well, I was going to say something about him. So it was Tracy Morgan, myself, Louis C.K. I was under the fucking monitor right through the curtain that I was going to come out.

49:53 And I watched it and I'm like, this is fucking great. He's all sweaty. He killed. Yeah, no, he's that guy that can just take a moment and rant on things. And then he just goes off. He's a great guy. Then they dive into a pool with no water in it, you know, metaphorically. It's amazing. I got to go there more. Disease stories? What year is this? So he'd already been teed up for Mitzi to watch, but I had set up, I told her to watch him.

53:55 was talking to god that's what bill tells us when i met him carl lebeau says carl lebeau was there I was around for all of it. and had a following there i don't know what to do man i want to come out to la and i went well What happened was Sam, I sat next to Mitzi in her booth. That's a bit that I used in a conversation with a guy. and that comedy should always attack the large power structures,

56:58 You remember that? And he would unplug the mic. And she's like, we got to fix the fence. If he was alive now, he could do it. I mean, that was, look at that. He's got nail polish on. Right. I wasn't going to tell it, but it's fucking weird. and he was going to do the whole thing with him boyle and it's horrifically upsetting and the way i it's been told to me, I don't know if these stories whisper down the lane,

1:00:34 maybe it's a blessing and a curse. Or maybe a guy you can trick into fucking you. I can't. I like you, man. You're never going to be happy. And he was trying to clean up You're all fucked up, man. You're never going to be happy. He kept coming to the condo and hung out with me. Sam was in it for 15 minutes. When I was 19, I worked as a security guard at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts

1:02:25 It's hard to know if this is a real memory because when you're 19, your brain is mush. bathrobe on. He was a movie star. I don't know. Everybody's trying to stop you. it's real special well he was a special guy the story was special too because it showed that Yeah. Remember when he's in the classroom and Kinnison's teaching him? Yeah. in the uh intensive care he was in a coma so i'd go in and talk how old was he when he passed

1:06:29 the it was just about empathy you know it's just about why what's wrong with him psychologically I think as a nation, at this time, we need someone who has got a real message, not some bullshit canned speech that's prepared by a focus group where they figured out all the right beats to hit. He was an incredibly good cheerleader. the father gives him money,

1:08:03 is, Yesterday was horrific. Hair salons, barbershops, fitness centers, worship services. information uh that a lot of protesters were protected didn't get sick is what I'm hearing. They're important and they're moving the needle yeah and the life is going to change so that is uh a positive That's all that we care about. All indications seem to point to the fact that this was a virus that had been manipulated.

1:11:18 This is not, you know, people love to use the term conspiracy theory, but this level They can get away with things that we can't get away with here. I don't know where I heard it. And Brett Weinstein is very careful in not saying that this is definitely what happened. and you did it anyway. don't fuck animals. No, that's mean. Hold that rabbit down and fuck him. Don't do that. So it's the revenant. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck a large predator. Yeah, don't fuck something that you're the bully. Hold that rabbit down and fuck him.

1:13:54 Right. Just stupid. If you look at the UK, the UK is basically our restaurants are open again. New Zealand has zero But what would have happened if that George Floyd thing didn't happen? then the world sees it because one girl, 17-year-old girl, filmed it. I think it was bound to happen anyway. I do. Oh, my god. stupid fucking video. Do you see what Jim

1:17:56 That's all they're doing. I mean. It's like when you open up some leftovers. You're like, oh, I can't eat this. that's foul it smells bad it's like when you know you open up some I hope. Yeah, exactly. What the fuck? Imagine you're the president, and you're like, what's going to happen here? Imagine that he hires his family. that have said, I worked with him, he was horrible,

1:20:45 Maybe you're right, buddy. They make these attack pieces. They look into their apart. Things are taken out of context. They make these attack pieces. Bernie Sanders, Tulsi Gabbard. There's a few that I looked at and I few of them. Bernie Sanders, Tulsi Gabbard. Drug infested, parentless infested. I don't think you could use Baltimore's solution on Detroit.

1:23:04 You did something. You couldn't help yourself. out there could give a fuck so Jay Leno's at the store I was going to USC. was 17. So Mitzi said, now don't go there. Work here. You work here. You're good. I'll put you in. I mean, it was not long ago. I need to do comedy. management and there's just some weird shit going on behind the scenes. And they had negotiated

1:26:35 So I missed you. You still did it? No, not really. Ugh. It's part of my hard drive. I took a few classes, but it was really annoying. They also didn't believe in hyphenates at that point. doing? And I was like, yeah, I'm going to cage fighting commentators. I'm just going to do what I like to do. And he didn't let them put his name on the marquee and sell tickets with his name because he would do big venues around town.

1:29:38 He was more advanced career-wise, if I'm being honest. They had lights they would flick in the back of the room when he was there a temporary thing. because it was a horrible situation there. She goes, I love you too. You, you're running the store. Ari Shaffir was doing his comedy special he was filming and It was the manager that I had the issue with.

1:32:51 This is not like, people make mistakes. i can't go back there and And then Ari was doing his special. fucking Comedy Central special and he's filming it at the store I'm like I gotta be there so I You don't know. And then I said, okay, I'm going to start doing shows. I do drop-ins, but they're five minutes. you know I have PTSD from eight years right and I had a love affair with Mitzi I was like a nephew

1:35:49 And that was like, you don't say that to a sensitive Jew, It's like, well, I better get fucking funny. I don't know what I'm going to do. people that are friends yeah she helped me helped me too man if it wasn't for her it's an honor I'm like but I don't take the that was where kinnison performed that's where hicks performed i wanted to go there and when i

1:38:31 That's all it was. gone off and done sitcoms and like Jim Carrey had gone off and done movies and in living color. And Yeah. This is awful. I wasn't there when you were there you can't do that right and i didn't say fuck that much in fact few years ago dice called me day he were in the back and we will say you should go on the road and I'm like and i was i thought what we were doing like that mencia thing i thought that was we're doing the

1:42:28 I think he has learned his lesson. Yeah, many people have had that. He was so. Those are long names to say. I love doing stuff the whole family can watch together. because I wanted to be a filmmaker. And then the next half hour was basically a half hour standup. And then I did a special called That Ain't Right. I don't, you know, if it's expressive.

1:45:51 He is blue sometimes, but not anymore. family entertainment you know he went from is just the outskirts of it Someone had a quote like that. This was pre-podcast. to say that because it's so misogynistic but it was a guy that looks like i know what i look like racial injustice ready to go because i've got all this stuff when I was a kid and segregation.

1:48:57 And that's obviously the case with Bill Cosby. graduated and i i didn't uh you know tranquilize people and ejaculate congratulations thank you your mom would be like, It's a commercial. So that's a good calling out. So we're seeing with taxes is what we're seeing with with government and the environment and, you know, climate change and fill in the blank.

1:51:50 Yeah. Was it Huntington Beach? And this guy is going, you know, do not wear a mask. but it's a funny soundbite it was crazy to to listen to. But so many people do believe that. We're all over the fucking place. Can't we just cut off the little hands on each side and just have just a – or can't everybody have a – there has to be a dream discourse. And it is.

1:53:40 Those are the healthy people. It's LGBTQ, but Q is questioning or queer. It's LGBTQ. What is that? and a bunch of people, a bunch of comedians were on the thing. And I was, I guess, the headliner Maybe the joke just wasn't that good. And I've always done that in my stand up. That's because I'm a fucking moron. My dick is so... Look, I don't do any sort

1:56:41 She died, Joe. She died. Listen to me. I don't know if you've had it. where people are talking You're doing comedy at a thing. The thing that I do, not unlike coronavirus. It hits the lungs. Queen Latifah's mother passed away from it. I know other People are getting into remission. at ucsf and stanford and they are really new drugs, like really great ones.

1:59:08 And I'm wondering if it was Gaffigan. Shouldn't there be some kind of universal law? It's temporary. Yeah. No. Just your thoughts? Yeah. But I love Vancouver. My kids were at their mom's. saying uh i because someone was saying that trans people are never funny and a straight person in drag is never funny. Mrs. Doubtfire is a very strong example. And now he just does films.

2:03:38 so you're really young at this time then you you were my 20s you weren't going to have a career suit, but he's in one of them and he looks like a fucking God. He is. Wow. And he's getting ready for something because he's dressed in his wardrobe for what will be the suit that's going to be the show, the movie. And I asked, had he gone up at the improv or laugh factor or anywhere?

2:06:36 And the wall, literally the building shook and that buildings got like dead mobsters And I go, that was fucking amazing. If he didn't perform at all that week. He didn't just leave it there but that's the weirdest thing about doing a special. scrambling i did that after my last special look every time i do a set at the comedy store after And you could too for the past year, not just a bunch of nonsense or just.

2:10:01 Wow. I was already, I know where I'm going to shoot it. You don't know what's coming with your big dates coming up. and i don't know if that's happening chappelle and i have a bunch of gigs i saw i don't know This podcast has made me grow a lot as a human being. And there would be like a thousand people listening at the most, you know, we get like a thousand downloads.

2:12:56 And did you? Maybe I should be more focused. That's kind of, you're an influence on me in a huge regard because i didn't come to and they need it but it's also It's a skill. There's something to it. That's just like everything else, man. It's like, I love it. Well, it's the best. I just keep going and I just keep focusing on that. I could say shit like that.

2:16:28 We had a Zoom with a bunch of music guys, like I said. Jimmy Kimmel and he are doing those shows. And Marissa Tomei is Edith. What? As Archie Bunker. It's awesome. What did you tell me, Jamie? It's so special because the stuff is about racism. Yes. It's absolutely. Now who's going to do Sanford and Son? I love D.L. He could have had his head cracked open.

2:19:27 I started texting him. He's laughing. he goes Brian Callen got it Well, he didn't take any medication. I've heard from people that are scarring. There was something else. And they're also trying to do something called an mRNA vaccine. M-R-N-A virus. Messenger RNA. their ancestors all came from Africa where your body had all this melanin So their body has to be like a solar panel for vitamin D.

2:23:01 and they were saying, yes, I've been out in the sunlight All your vitamin levels. is it a normal doctor or is it a person that i'll talk afterwards when you have a body that is And vitamin D is not expensive. 4% had sufficient levels of vitamin D. So these are people that, first of all, It makes them particularly susceptible. I went on a lot of kicks.

2:26:33 burning a hole through it when I take a vitamin C. I mean, you've never looked over and farted in the mirror? Most vitamins, they get absorbed better with food. Yes. I have a stack of vitamins. And I have a box full of fish oil. I always do it. Yeah. it was like i was eating a lot of meat but your body absorbs it and you know it's meat is mostly Not everybody.

2:29:37 I think we're on. It's like the veal. like an athlete, it's not a part of an actual person. and show them. Simulated man ass., who doesn't? Pull that top off that and show them. I mean, they're making lab-created meat. The soybean shit. Eat actual real vegetables. Says who? Sugar. go down this rabbit hole, but it's already 4 o'clock. Yeah. You have a good time.

2:32:14 new youtube site i'm a newbie so i just it's up there for uh zoom videos because i've been talking They're watching you every move. But what about Alexa? Fuck her. Yes.