Joe Rogan Experience #151 — Josh McDermitt Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Josh McDermott's in the house, freaks! Did you go straight Russell Peters on a bitch? Tessie. There's a billboard? bad i i know what russell's saying but it's all about like how you feel when you're listening to I like it. It's still good. It's like for every really good sketch you get on Saturday Night Live, I never got into it. like a secondary beat in the back of a song?

3:16 Well, I would, see, I don't even consider Tashi or Tessa, whatever the guy's. That's a good... when Dane was in his prime. DJ about mixing the stuff right there when you're on stage, being in that moment. It's like a laser show. He creates the full experience. home and emails everybody who came to his show there's a new sample yeah great yeah dane would

5:46 of wanting to be famous his blues stuff, The whole shit, It was good stuff. callen who's here yesterday was in warrior and i saw i met him there is that that came out warriors All that kind of raw stuff? I see why people love this. And then I went back and heard the bits and it was like no i don't i don't really know and then i saw him live and i was like oh i get it i see why people love this and then i went back and heard the bits and it was great but having never

7:43 which is interesting i've only done that a couple of times. Cat Williams got in trouble with that dude Clark, who's the guy who runs the place, How awesome is Cat, man? What? I was in the weed store once. She was getting weed for Kat Williams. But anyway, that's Theater in the Round. People eat that shit up, but it's like, really? And I don't know how the fuck he did it.

10:32 and taught him how to dress and then foisted him onto the American public It's funny how a lot of them overuse the same looks. have taken pictures by the railroad tracks? You're nuts, man. he does not want to be kneeling. Yeah. You know? Have a show. The greatest concert I've ever been to ever was a Kiss concert. Well, no. I think maybe I had just gotten on news radio,

14:06 like that. This is how they change up the show. only two guys that were constant were Gene show so there's so it was so much involved you know sad how they all died in that plane crash It should be just like I think this is sort of the model a broken woman's asshole. but mostly concentrating on the vagina. no i'd be really interested in those photos i I'd be really interested. If you could get photos of her in her element,

16:22 and all your developmental years. With the ankle bracelet on. she's pretending to get on a fucking polo pony right now and her ass just happens to be hanging Lindsay Lohan, there's nothing wrong with that girl. Not everybody's going to be fucking See when I asked her if she wanted to fart Oh, my God. You added all that shit in after the fact. No, I did not.

18:35 You ruined the joke for everybody. What a cock blocker. Disrespectful, man. I think that would be hilarious to see yourself go, that everybody tells you you have to watch so i finally started watching it i looked down the views 11 million views right and when was it February, March? Was that the woman Sitting on the toilet. Wow, this is so strange.

21:32 if she would have sped up her voice like times 2 you would look at things like this and you would go uh wait a minute what the fuck they probably Is it filling your open gap? They're just disgusting human beings. This girl keeps running to're ugly and doing drugs this girl keeps running to the because the woman actually makes them feel like Just for the girl being pretty.

23:37 It's just disgusting. He just looks like a dude who sits in a cubicle. The love of my life. Yeah, you know what? Make sure this gets to the editing room fast. and stuff. monsters i've seen them become monsters i've seen their their them change from this very nice older those, you ridiculous bitch, creepy yeah right to tits i can go with it's past the point of being funny and it's just sad yeah

26:50 You're jabbing some shit and then there's people that get those tattoos. At least your eyebrows grow back. That doesn't bother me. start fucking with the eyebrows, too. Like, people that shave too much, also. And then there's people that get those tattoos. They do permanent makeup, too, with a tattoo, like, eyeshadow on and shit like that. your face doesn't one of our friends have a bit about tattooing your face um is it tebe

27:57 And he's got Pussy Eater tattooed on his lip. it just says dillotron no you had to go back and get it fixed. Oh, that's hilarious. It's like, my God. you had a tattoo you thought it said brian yeah i thought it was the letter r and i found out it right they just take it out out slut each other yeah like when you watch those gangbang scenes He was dating the little guy.

31:12 And she goes, well, I want to be faithful to my husband. Wow, I didn't know and when I break down porn stars I can't help but I have to do the math. You're like, you know what? Dana Deamer. Yeah, it was just like, it was an awesome scene. Did it bring a tear to your eye because you know her? I think it was. I would have loved to see that guy continue his talk show ways

34:04 but I've run into him a bunch of times. He's always super friendly. I keep hearing lives in Well I don't want to say Where he lives But I've run into him Anytime I hear his name Stand up for a while At the comedy magic club He's a great guy. I don't remember that. Oh, I saw you tweeted that, but I didn't get a chance to look at it. Oh, okay. don't know the history of any of these people what if one of these kids was related to someone who

36:09 Meanwhile, these fucking kids now are going to think, it really was an armed intruder god damn fuck you yeah you're right fuck you when i was in high But this is cunt behavior. You're going to make kids think that cops are willing to lie to you You fucking talk to them at that age. Did you fucking think this shit through at all it's just one of the things where it makes you just really realize that there's no special qualifications to be in charge of a

38:29 and keep their fucking pension, and we'll come through with the... No. And I think I'm smarter than people Well, we'll just tell them there's an intruder. We're paying this cunt to lie to our kids. We're going to look for joints. I agree with that. the lies that the people that are in control are going to tell you no matter what. They should sue the fuck out of those people.

41:13 And I love cops. Using my noggin there, Josh McDermott. What a piece of shit. In the woods is good. right i'm sure if they do a drug bust they're probably just going to burn all that weed or And I think that's the story. So they were calling essentially the 911 in the great beyond. Just get your shit together, dude. which I agree. Yeah, bothersome.

44:20 it there because well one of the things i want to be is because siri and all this all these Does Perez Hilton You know what it is? I got the power. if they catch you doing porn. You have 100% job security. But everybody would know what it is. he this thing is haunting him now i've tried to take that off several times you can't you can't You have like 30,000?

47:43 Brie Olsen. Why are you comparing yourself to her? I don't even have to The bottom falls out for what I do, techie, nerdy producer. like article reviews and stuff like that. Every time they bring this up There was a story. so this is pre-google man this is like who knows what they had for search engines back then What the fuck are you saying? And slowly but surely, he sees the dick in his mouth.

51:21 They're watching this together. too yeah well that might the joke when I talked about it in my act the joke was How much more was he getting paid back then as compared to what you would get today, too? Yeah. You have everything. Yeah, you're coming off a little jealous. or how they They don't like you, bro. Anytime you say anything about me on Twitter, I pick up like 100 followers like that.

53:15 Yeah, and I just kind of went, this isn't a fight I want to have. So everything from now on through November, I'll donate five cents. Who can do the math? like what if there was some kind of communication back in the old days that we're we're not figuring if it would start a yawn-off where everyone would be yawning eventually. that that's a smart way to test that.

55:23 Like they had to fill out some application What if nobody yawned? Yeah, even mentioning yawning, I'll start yawning. how I would study them. that we're missing out? So when one person yawns, When you yawn, your heartbeat, I think it goes up 30% rate. it was when before you started yawning. Yeah, that seems silly. Let's wake up. Come on. Fucking do it.

58:36 They're supposed to in cases where it's not. Anyway, what they're saying is they're allowed to lie. Somebody sent it to me on Twitter. Like 30, 40 years ago, Freedom of Information Act comes out. gotta be a nutty person but every now and then you find something really crazy like they found They were going to send a jet into the air I got another idea.

1:01:22 They were going to attack American soldiers. over the Everglades or something And nobody went to jail for that. Probably, yeah. It's one of the... He didn't act alone. the reason why they had to have that single bullet theory, that in the initial autopsy they diagnosed as a wound in the front of the neck, It's an entry wound from a bullet, and they can't account for that bullet.

1:04:22 Oftentimes it is, but it's not always the case. He wants to get rid of the CIA. he thought they should you're crazy know i don't know who i don't know who but i i have a feeling he thought he was really president And I've always thought that he was one of those guys that like probably could have been This is reality. The whole situation was gross. or person in office, you know?

1:07:22 That's all he is, man. Yeah. Dude, it's all delicious. At 8am With that bitch In one meal that pick up these stone circles. so that they don't get the skin of their forearms ripped apart. It requires the whole body to be strong. I want to sit in the Obama booth booth there probably is one now right do you think they have no they keep it like Yeah, but he's black.

1:10:06 thing encased in glass. A big candle? I can't tell who. It goes to show you how weird photos are yeah you know especially when photos cell phones yeah even this camera has uh 3d in it, so you can take panoramic views in 3D, You have to see it on a 3D TV. But I'm thinking that this is just a hiccup along the way. you know yeah it's kind of cool it's not as good as it when you're wearing the glasses and watching

1:12:33 No, I can't. Dude, remember that movie like I remember watching the trailer I don't want anyone I hated it. I used to have that poster in my room. That was a fun movie, man. it's so easy to go, holy shit, they're real? of the best movies at sort of representing that that fire in the sky movie because it really did There was like my parents' bedroom was around the corner, or their bathroom was around the corner in their bedroom.

1:15:00 I'm like, I know E.T. is not going to be here That's what Super 8 was supposed to be. I want to see it just because I love The Thing. I don't get it. It's good. That's a solid with holding on to a fucking stick of grenades I mean, to me, I think everybody should have been really freaking the fuck out. The effects were incredible. it it's really it's really a shit trick because yeah you'll go back to see king kong the fourth

1:17:56 You figure it out. and now he's gonna battle with these fucker chick is black yeah oh yeah i want to see a super Dude, we're going to have Shane Smith from Vice TV. Okay. It's on MTV now, right? One of the guys, whenever they have some sort of a drug situation, He went to the jungle and did ayahuasca with the natives. They go to the Congo. And we're sitting in the tub with them and hanging out with them.

1:20:56 One of them, my favorite one, is the one where they go up to visit that guy And he's been up there for like 30 years. And he's not a dummy, man. And when they come around, you have to kill them. Yeah. he'd ever seen the towers fall you should check out tvs now you know like maybe he just has no Because I know a lot of, I used to be hooked on fishing.

1:23:45 And that's why people to this day, even though it's easy to get food, still go hunting. evolve past the state, but some people think the true way to be happy is to live as if people that has compared to any influence that you would actually see in the natural world and compared to And respect and leadership Now this is what's programmed in our head.

1:25:58 And when you don't have anything like that, And it's a trip. And the actual, who the human is below all of it, TV sets. Do you ever use it? And how it's probably going to mix in with the Siri into the TV. I think And you walk in the room, it detects your face and then logs you in and Kinect. That's so crazy. Siri, find me this movie. I'm like, what the fuck is that?

1:29:37 They have retina scan ones, right? They have it at my gym, 24 Hour Fitness. That's how I sign in. I do it with log in? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I know they do it for security things. They have my gym, 24 Hour Fitness. Santa Monica. You do like a retinal scan. And then you strap the nukes to yourself and pull the pin and that's it. it's kind of fun i i forget it i get it and then there's like uh that new game that just came out

1:31:20 But I'm with you on the computers. setting everything up. If they still have jumper settings, whatever you want to say but the fact that i don't have to do shit it knows what you're wanting to do because it's really delicious i go do you add sugar and they go no no no what we do is we get because that's where C2O gets it. It's amazing. into your drinks to like crush them into the drinks is that something that'd be okay well i

1:34:35 Fish oil. It smells bad? that it might even be harmful or something like that, I think it's just basic stuff too, like fish oil, D, whatever. Well, like today, you know, I wake up, I get some coffee. I would probably get sick if I tried to eat before I have my coffee for service. My problem is last night I had skinless grilled chicken, lettuce, tomatoes, fruit.

1:36:46 Yeah, they found out that if you take vitamins, where they want to regulate vitamins and minerals. tried this in the past they tried to do it under the name nutraceuticals that's what they're going and I know that this was a very recently proposed thing, the government take over the pharmaceutical industry is that we're able to run tests on And I used to think that all these universities

1:38:49 with university professors No, but I heard about and making millions and millions of fucking dollars. All your motives will be exposed right away. Let me tell you something. die from cigarettes. way to go we need a truth app right app Until somebody figures out how to manipulate that There's somebody that created the human person It's a team of scientists, and they created these robots, and we're robots.

1:41:58 just making up a bunch of fucking stories somebody wrote it down and you know they try to pretend at one point in time each piece of the human body Yeah, really? there's two animals that you'd make that argument with dogs and people and dogs and people both Is it interesting? And that we actually think closer to the dogs and most And the wolves fucking talk to you, man.

1:44:21 Probably seven-eighths to a wolf. Little kids sometimes scare them. fucking that poor dog but you know the idea is that human beings were genetically engineered by to the point where we can't even remember. recently because they found this huge structure in gobekli tepe and they they used to think that Where is it? It's like a goat herder or some shit, and he found some thing sticking up.

1:47:15 Right, right. in time actually covered it oh really yeah because because of the nature of the dirt that's covering it they they believe that it's a it's actually artificial that someone brought it the idea is that somehow or another, the aliens came down and said, that likes to live in their sheets and eats them alive. and he wrote all these books about this shit,

1:49:25 Probably like a week or so. Planets get hit by planets all the time in the solar system. or in the universe rather and it hasn't happened we know it's happened in certain Earth 1, like 4 billion years ago, got hit with some Mars-sized planet and just slammed into us and knocked off a fucking slab, That's what I love about you, dude. three sentences and then go make a sandwich and then

1:51:06 Do you sit around and watch documentaries? Do you write when you write your stand-up? Yeah. How many times a week do you try to do it? a lot of times I would end up going an hour anyway. Just dump it in it's an mp3 and then I listen to it on my headphones or whatever You just got it? that into the crowd when someone angers you yeah that's the um the other cool thing about the iphone

1:53:13 just syncs it with your computer. But it's a recording. But what I'm saying is, you don't know i don't know someone out there will know um but if you discipline to sit down and write shit out because the discipline to write shit out is such a different mindset than the mindset that comes up with something silly. don't i i suck a dick man i always tell everybody that man i was like there's two jobs man one job

1:55:20 If you want to continue to process new shit And it's like, well, you've got to force yourself to do that. That's not writing, dude. Yes. Like that new tag is only going to come out on stage, It's like you'll be on stage. No, it's not. a whole new schedule where I abandoned one Somewhere around there. Joey Diaz, I've told We lost Brendan Walsh in Houston.

1:57:57 We had to leave him behind. know what the fuck it was for. And so the whole crowd stayed. And then I remember I saw you sit down to eat a meal after the the show and you're sitting there and and you were even turning to dan you're like fresh yeah you were really fresh i think you had said you'd just been doing it a year And then they find out that Joey Diaz, I ain't got a lot of your dog.

2:00:04 Like, I love him, but he scares the shit out of me i did shows in tucson with him and i was so afraid to And it packed these joints so thick, you literally couldn't inhale through them. He was like, give me this fucking Susquehanna weed. Josh McDermott. He goes, listen, Brian Redman, I'm tired of your bullshit. and you will never get a Joey Diaz to really truly be themselves

2:02:01 Not give a fuck and be themselves. And Joey doesn't give a fuck. I'm on JoeyCocoDiaz.com. All right, let's do it. three and a half year old but when i put it on take it off daddy take it off like i had to take Yeah. who really should be a comic and they're not doing it? Yeah, I've met some hilarious regular people. and she goes, listen, how do you want me to punish you?

2:04:27 started jamming it I grew up in she goes this is a retractable knife It sounds like growing up in the family guy house. You want to get revenge? It's called Liquid Ass. It's one of the reasons why you're so irreverent. you know, a little bit. so we're a little more protective. What? It was never dangerous. Why are we all at her house and sitting in her living room and she's not here?

2:06:53 But I knew my mom well enough at that point that I was like, oh, she's just kidding around once she told me. But we'd just step over and be like, get up, Mom. got out of it oh she loves it she's milking it too with her friends and that you're a comic She was a character, man. I've met guys with seemingly perfect lives who have become comics, and they're funny.

2:08:54 early what you just told us on stage you don't think that could be hilarious on a show or telling went, well, that's fucked up, but you still laughed. wants to find Josh, Josh is a It's a small cable network owned by MTV Cosby Show Did I ever tell you how to... Do we got time? So that was the show I worked for. Yeah, you did our show a lot. Akey Breaky Heart was out

2:11:07 I said, oh, it's Kako. So I started singing it for them. which they didn't know was a fake guy. Yeah. So I was like marketing myself and everything. they're like what the fuck and they're like okay you can drop the accent now and i'm like what are Kako, yeah, you never showed up for your job. and they're like no they're like dude you have to work down here oh that's hilarious that's how i got the job with them and so from gosh what was that 90 93 until 2007 i worked for

2:13:52 Was it just like a high, walking through the hallway? was funny last night i want him to open for me they're like oh we'll see him tomorrow morning advertising time and i'm like i'm a fucking writer and a producer. So this tire company, we've got this advertiser, and they want to buy airtime with us, but they only want to do it on the morning show.

2:15:40 Go. So we were like the focus of that company. and he like had to turn it down he's like we got we're censoring everything and we're you know Just a big mess. they right now are number seven. Oh, number six. Set it up where you could To my house now I think it's your own Yeah, from Just Shoot Me. Maybe it was you. And we talked about it on the actual Live at the Ice House podcast.

2:18:15 Every comic. of habit. Do you do it out of habit because of radio Thank you to Josh McDermott And thank you to the Fleshlight And New Mood Get all the ingredients. McDermott along with a free flashlight This fucking show's over. We'll figure it out. Thursday, bitches. to walk on ice. You might as well dance.