Joe Rogan Experience #1516 — Post Malone Transcript

Transcript

0:00 I'll give you my dark surprise Got you in here, man. I'm excited. Pleasure. Why Utah, man? I love it. But then you get there, and you're like, Jesus Christ, it's beautiful, Oh, wow. Like, 24-7. And the sun sets at 10 p.m., which is bizarre right around this time. named Tyler. Yeah, his best friend's name you can meet aliens. makes me more appreciate but mushrooms are a different animal man they just bring you to this

5:05 a 10-year-old and a 12-year-old That's what happens when you die? and I was backstage at Ziggy and Tyler's concert, The Aliens. Right. and you can let ideas come to you. These kids do like difficult tasks Of bud like you just blasted out of his head chain smoking cigarettes, and he doesn't even remember writing No, some people can definitely do it straight.

8:15 Like drinking rosé or drinking, you know, Bud Light and then a little bit of just something else. But it's that stroke of genius. It looks awesome, right? When they're on that and they're catching those waves, but then when they wipe out, man, they go down hard. Yeah, there's something there that just kicks off. and get out of your own way, then these ideas will come to you.

10:39 What's an idea from? If you're making some cool shit. Yeah. In one moment in time, everybody is there doing the same thing with the same energy, the same good intention. If you think about what kind of alchemy is involved in making the right sounds to make people feel different. Like, when you're doing that, man, you're hitting that audience. If someone told you, hey man, I'm going to make some sounds, and people are going to

13:14 Like, think about, like, in, like, Wild West times when they see a dude in a bar and he's like, oh, you're Crazy Bill. But then you have to think about these stories that people tell and think if it's the imposter, it was crazy with a battle ax or something. That one? the boats would look like when they would pull how How the fuck do you know? Like it was an abstract idea.

15:00 But make me skinny. that was Instagram filters This dude would paint some nonsense version of them. When were mirrors invented? There were people that would It just makes you think, like, Jesus Christ. That wasn't that long ago, man. They were basically like the Navy SEALs of the Texas Frontier guys who fought against the Comanches. revolver they're the ones who invented the i think it was a five shot revolver that was the first

18:11 and lock it in place. Since 1840. They fought with honor and dignity like they would show up a little blow trumpets when it was time to fight It's different as fuck. yeah now now it's like one nuclear bomb ruined your whole day yeah that's not manageable at all Jamie, get a picture of your shirt. Even in the Mona Lisa, there's a weird thing or whatever in the background and shit.

21:31 And it would just stay there. Well, if you're 17 at the time? and it's kind of like a dome in a circular shape, it's hard but if aliens are visiting us like how often are they doing it like unique events would I think there's enough talk about it now that we're probably going to find out what it is in our lifetime. Because there's nothing we can do about it anyway.

24:51 They're basically saying we don't know what the fuck it is, but we didn't make it. probably better especially when you're dealing with the united states it's in this kind of turmoil The news cycle of any crazy story like this is only a few days, and they say something crazy it doesn't mean they're not crazy just because they're the prime Is this Vice?

27:30 That's crazy shit. I don't not believe. Here's the thing about ghosts. you you might be half asleep anyway but you hear things you get scared your senses get really Listen, the beach at night just walking on that beach by yourself that's scary at night right but in the day it's awesome And apparently, the word is, and they go to say something to them,

30:13 There's like a bunch of stories like that. Yeah. Don't quote me on that. We did a whole episode which is in his museum in Vegas. fucking something dimensional but it's something there that goes bump in the night i suppose Amateur paranormal investigators use the idea This is the most commonly termed residual haunting. thing with a ghost like if you saw a fucking ghost if you walked into your basement to go get a screw

34:11 Did you see this? She's a ghost. Spoiler alert. You get a creepy mom style. Yes. And get creepy kids, which are the double terrifying. Is it Let the Right One In, I think it is? going to walk your dog and you see some old man with no legs floating in front of you. Oh, Jesus Christ. Check that motherfucker out. Right. Because it's been alive for a couple of weeks.

37:06 And you have to work for them now. But it could be possible, right? Like, man has always looked up for answers. I know we're definitely primates shout out to lou he would talk your ear off about this whole deal about this to an actual archaeologist love gold so much right if you think about like the usefulness of gold right gold isn't even They said that they needed it to hang in their atmosphere to protect them from the sun

40:39 saying some of the stuff that was in this book that he was reading, you know, he's deciphering That's the problem. but it's interesting to see the argument. Yeah. It happened so quick. And if the aliens come right now, it's probably the best time to come. Are you going to grab your bow? Tell me what's actually good. and like antenna-like fingers Well, it would be through your brain.

44:01 They better give you some more goddamn money That's what's gonna be sort of like a dude they're probably not even fucking material probably they're probably just fucking ethereal well maybe they figured out a body or another body that they've genetically engineered. Like 20 years from now, I don't know if those are the right numbers, 100%. You don't think

46:38 They're not going to give a fuck. Yeah. Can I have one of your beard hairs? sure that's what it was what's a CRISPR CRISPR some gene editing tool I don't know what the It's great. Let me try. I don't know what it's saying. You know what I'm saying? I don't know what the fuck it is. I wonder what other countries are doing, what kind of crazy shit they're trying.

50:59 when we we detonated two nuclear bombs we could have just one was we everybody Like, that could happen, and it could happen quick. sea fighters or super humans? does that take? I don't know how long it would take. They come piling out of them. You could take a half a day watching Lord of the Rings. It's incredible. Hold on a second. Goblin that's the whole deal like the his biggest song is like he has a normal job

53:53 Like with CGI. Yeah, that's what Halo. So they have fingers like this, Well, I think the real thing would come from how are they manipulating matter to make things, right? You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. Who knows? take those positions we're gonna have a real hard time keeping secrets right it's not gonna be the Oh, right. and they're hiding it or or it's something earthly, terrestrial.

57:21 What year is that, Jamie? start in a race to try to split the atom that's what i bet the alien is like hey hey hey we got They might not even make it. Asteroid? That's what killed all the dinosaurs. Bro, one ate a kid at Nope. I was like, they have video of this? They're out there playing golf, On the golf course. What's the Billy Madison quote? What are you going to do?

1:02:16 Locusts, man. Also, if I saw a centipede, I would die instantly. Why is that? No. holy shit it's biting into the back of the spine of the mouse and killing it dude it's more than That's why you need to learn jujitsu Don't let him get your back Cat is so big. Cat is big. the covid like you know you saw tiger king and then murder haunted but then how what creates that wax it's like it's using what they get it's using what they get from

1:06:14 I like the Coke with real sugar. There's nothing about that that's water. We're with aliens making people. We're talking about eating bee poop yes yeah you know that's the crazy thing is we need bees to Queen, bitch. They're small, so we love them. That's what these murder hornets do. It doesn't always work out. I think they want... They cut their fucking heads off, man.

1:09:26 at the bees? They did. They totally set those for bees. Bodies, man. It's not like one guy, they're like, bro, I'm going to have a fucking double XL cone. say a foot long i say you're probably right i say a foot long i agree with you i bet you Let's take a guess now while we're waiting. I'd say 11 inches. yeah 17 inches is pretty big i mean 18 inches five six inches that's pretty big too yeah

1:11:57 That ain't shit. It's still pretty big. Maynard Keenan? That's from his farm. What do you think the biggest bug ever is? Okay. Theropods? What's it? So it isn't like a lobster and crabs are technically... That's big. That's like a large hot dog. That's what it's like. There's like some... Serotonin. And they get bigger, I think, right? Bro, that's a bird.

1:16:30 Birds get sucked into the fucking engine. Beaks are keto. That's the craziest shit. I don't. Beautiful. What does it feel like when you drive around that thing? listen man i got blue light in my wheel well you can have that if you like that tesla x yeah the gullwing where it goes. It goes straight up in the air and then it comes during December and then it's Christmas mode.

1:19:39 What were your moves like? That's crazy. We want to make it dance for Christmas, Halloween, every holiday. at making those things not crash that will completely eliminate auto accidents. But then there's something that could... That's right. We're old school. car that can drive you around and with a hundred percent certainty, not crash into other cars,

1:22:00 Right. If I'm gonna die on an airplane You took two I hate flying. controllable and you can figure it out yeah but i think when shit goes wrong it goes really wrong your buddies on a plane thinking everything's groovy all sudden pilot Somebody sent it to me a long time ago. Sorry. Haunted? Yeah, that's it. Had him on the podcast for a very interesting guy.

1:26:07 There it is. What's in the box? He's Kaiser. Yeah. That's one of the best answers anybody's ever given to anything. Hmm. Okay.acing? Okay. He can take a big deep breath. I like them supernatural. a dude in a mask that wants to fuck Well, what was the last movie? Yeah, and then Michael Myers. Michael Myers is Halloween, and Jasonason is which one had more movies

1:29:47 Yo, there is a Leprechaun versus Jason. Well, why don't you Google whether or not it's a movie? I don't think it's a real movie. That movie is a dumb deal. why didn't we think of that? Leprechaun It's like more. I don't know. I was trying to find the newest one the other day. They're waiting for that. It's Jason Voorhees. I can't even say that. Yeah, he still writes.

1:32:51 But it's called Night Flyer, I think. And there's this vampire with his own plane Well, it's like fucking nine hours long. Rocky Horror Picture Show, right? which is like out of me still scarier than the new it. That's the new it. Yeah, that's... I think this guy's... Oh, is it? I think this guy's scarier than the new guy. Well, there's something about it.

1:34:56 What? Oh, my God. Isn't that weird? Fucking real weird, but that's how fucking goes In the Grand Canyon? That guy's the reporter. That's about a UFO that was buried in the ground near a town, and its energy started fucking everybody up. Radiation, Who knows? I thought it was great. Yep. Dude, that sounds incredible. Like who says superheroes want to help people?

1:38:32 And you just get angry and you become. Fucking ants. Oh, yeah. I find a lot more hogs in movies nowadays. We got to show some hogs. all of a sudden you see a big Like that. Good for you. What's crazy is that could be people That's the next move. No shit. we need to stick a fucking electronic but that's what's inside your body i mean 97 percent of money

1:43:20 is the the the company's name? Three Square Market. One of those iRobots. It's the suede denim secret police. People. Who can? That's a cool movie. I only turn it on a couple minutes a day more obvious what what the fuck is this mutilation in the army someone that's to worry about theft or Everyone would see it coming. If you're overdue on your balance, it would just irritate you. There would be something that would irritate you to the point of

1:47:28 mutilation. Holy Open doors. It says you can take it out just as easy as a splinter. That's got to be a fucking, it probably is a Dark Mirror episode, right? Oh, yes. That's a good one. There's something that we do, like we were talking about earlier. Can't make it. I knew it. Yeah, disc problems are no joke, man. that you have to mutilate to get out. Yeah, that's scary.

1:51:21 Like if your hand gets bitten off by a shark, You wake up in the middle and it's choking you. Do you think That would be like the new argument. Oh, so he makes a bunch of different. I met him. Nope. I don't know if it's muscles. It's like the self-driving car, right? That analog, visceral, satisfying feeling of doing something, Those cars make you feel better.

1:54:50 Yeah, it feels good. Technology does not go with the human body. It's not always gonna be perfect. It was never so obvious. What it is is essentially new software management of your body. I'm not into it. the state you still be the same inside your mind but our microchip will control all of your biology We get infected by technology. with um with technology and you know like what they're experimenting on what we're seeing in

1:58:21 Well, there you go then. Because of the iPhone. and i think that's why it's gonna be really hard to get people to uh sign off on the idea of letting Like, an old car is awesome. to keep it from crashing into each other. that would be a good way right the slow slide is us hanging on to our biology as much as possible. It's real weird. Well, you're an artist.

2:01:46 all you know some of them are dangerous some of them come with consequences if you make a mistake There's something good about that. I'm with you. that we think is important and sacred you know i think that's one of the things we're doing where No more fun anymore. Someone can come along take that away and say no no no you have to get in the autonomous tube now because safety

2:04:43 Right. A person who really understands the fun of cars? do it if if everybody's debit card stopped working it would fucking how much cash is there out there No more banks. So you have to steal and then everything. All your money is locked up. paper cash right yeah yeah and what is paper cash even worth depends on where you're at right Whoa. It's fucking

2:07:52 This is all hypothetical. It's a real goblin! That's what it is. All day long, How do you feel about whales? I've seen them near the big island on a one of them cruises they They're so big, man. I saw something that said ever. That's a fucking dinosaur. 100 feet long and weighed 173 tons known to have ever existed oh my my God. It weighs, an adult weighs 330,000 pounds.

2:10:36 they take care of the young. call them killer whales they're not a they're not a whale they're a dolphin they call orcas You'll get the best article. There's not as many as there used to be, that's for sure. They eat all the seals. They're having a hard time keeping them active. This is just fuck a crab. Please. There's stories of killer whales rescuing people

2:13:49 anything wrong eventually they just start killing their trainers they just get pissed off man man implies that this is not their first time And there is no known antidote. I don't know. Yeah. Fugu, that's it right there. This toxin is so potent that a lethal dose is smaller than the head of a pin. It's really cheap. No. Hot dogs are more dangerous than fugu fish?

2:17:27 But there's a certain age where you're on your own I don't know if it will work, but that's what you've got to do. Yeah, just kind of like You force the air out. yourself right in an upward motion. Okay. And then CPR, people break ribs doing that, too. rider and keanu Reeves. That's crazy. So there it is. that mean that's the and sign oh and oh and clasping hands onto i never know what that sign

2:20:36 Purposely choke yourself. You said 1972? Demons! He was fine. being they don't even dry that doesn't measure out to me though by the way enough there's enough and try to dislodge food. right and you're like what's the fucking solution there though i'm like maneuver vampire throne what happened? Shout out to, what's his name? I've definitely been choking at points.

2:24:01 You've been there. Henry Heimlich that has to happen has to have happened. How long can a human hold their breath? Criss Angel? oxygenated his body Yeah, that's an episode of Modern Family. he panicked they had to go and save him oh jesus whole thing because it wasn't easy to get in there How long was he encased in ice for? He was in a Grab me one of those

2:27:10 What's in the box? This is getting ready for it. Lenny Kravitz comes to visit you. Of course he did. I don't like this. Eat glass, stand up there. No. But also can do that. Have you seen this one where he puts a frog, in his belly and spits it back out alive. Oh, my God. It's just frogs. Yeah, yeah, we brand out of juice. I've just got to get it. bro

2:31:01 very very nice guy You know how it is. I live in Utah. I just. I'm telling you the game. Yeah, me too. I live in Utah. Is it Kavanaugh? No. Everybody's fighting. Everybody's mad. And it's probably, in a way, it's balancing. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? It's not that they want to drain you. hit me up hey hey i'm here hey hey let's do that thing right hey hey hey right hey hey hey let's

2:35:45 I think you would Streaks and I'll get stuck on Zeppelin for months. I go into these waves but i just picked up from the store let's spin that fucker and hope my parents don't hear it A lot of people don't know this. It's on the radio? And then KISS made, like, reunion tours, that's like fucking talica like yeah that was guns and roses too man you know that was um

2:39:18 Nirvana killed hair bands Rape me. and their soul and figure out how to God damn, he was a bad motherfucker. We did a whole fundraiser. You missed Bullied Superman. Travis is the first guy to come in here with face tattoos. that's the same spirit it's just like it's a spirit it's just like fuck you i'm gonna play God damn, that's sweet. Topless. It's got taste.

2:42:55 they're supposed to be essential businesses. Who gets to decide? No. You know, one of them can have 30 people in it. They adapted. What have they been doing besides partying? No one had coronavirus. that makes people feel good it makes them feel good like they're uh they're doing an investigation It depends now it depends on intent I think Are they probing looting, too, or just the concert?

2:47:06 Oh, my God. Yeah and people don't get their money back They sold cars. If they only had it set up as a concert done or did do. Must be designated, yeah. Fucking the air doesn't give a shit if there's like a little piece of cardboard here between you and the people next to you. Sweet guys. So people are tailgating before the show. Oh, that's a car. Trust me, it was so safe.

2:50:52 Did a fucking book signing. My friend Michael Yeo, that's weird man oh my friend michael It's such a bizarre time. It's scary for what it's done to civilization. I don't know what that time is. what's going to be left and be able to pay their fucking bills and eat. People look back on it and say they should have done this they should have done that well that's great and maybe

2:54:09 Apparently, that's all Japan. Sorry. Yeah. Everybody followed the rules. it all comes down to it's not, Yes. That some places it's $600. They were literally giving people money or advertising. No, that's too complicated. Because maybe someone sees you eating and you don't have a mask on, wanna hear you whine? They want them. That's it, baby. We put them in a smaller chicken coop while we had the other one reconstructed.

2:58:50 They're devious little cunts. Right. So if they would normally have like three kids, now they have six. Mountain lion. Yeah 150. How big is he bigger bigger? Yeah. Snack. It would be like Little Red Riding Hood and shit. You get like fucking three of them. They're creepy. They captured or killed some of these mountain lions. it happens and people don't know and they don't know what to do they call their friends they put up that poster we're just trying to get fluffy back the photos

3:03:27 But this fucking thing is in Griffith Park. His name's Chandler. That one's still alive? Urban carnivores. Look at him. That old that old warrior just out there eating skunks and shit there's oh damn that's a big fucker that's a big fucker where where was it was out here too That was a Liam Neeson movie. Yes. Looks warm and comfy. He's ready to go to the death with these wolves.

3:05:53 You can't get up in a tree until these wolves get bored? We'll find out. gonna tear your hamstrings apart. No shot in hell. That would be bad too. You could just kick the wolves Get them in the clinch. Sidestep. Imagine if mice took jujitsu So they left this mouse in this total centipede and the mouse. No, no. Because that's the thing. It's like, is that a fair

3:09:20 different version of this is a grasshopper house this is a little more and it might be set up. This could, this is probably more murder porn. Look at him. Those little lab mice. What is this Not on this night It's like, this is bullshit. Kung Fu Mantis? No. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's beautiful. That is one of the craziest looking insects I've ever seen.

3:12:13 When you saw the moves that the mantis makes, when he sees the other... How fast? This is like real kung fu. Manti. Probably doesn't. Fuck you and your whole neighborhood. up the grasshopper eating a carrot? Is he on a green bean? Oh. Probably like bell peppers because they're not really a vegetable. They're pretty good. It's like a silk garb on a beautiful lady.

3:15:50 I get it when people are starving to death. Are ghosts real? What was that? Probably shitty ghosts. floating over this person. Like, if you went camping. If I saw a UFO, legitimate UFO, I saw something I couldn't explain, I'd have to tell people here. Could have been a jet fighter, you know. You see this streak flying across the sky. Yeah. 2017. I don't remember if I saw this or if I pretended I saw this.

3:19:16 giving off fire. That's what, when people get confused about, like, oh my God, chemtrails are real. Doesn't the Kremlin do that? They use, but it's a science. So what is the shit that they use into the sky those dudes do it That's a good question. I'd be like, oh yeah, once a week? Everything stays moist. what rain is that's why seattle's so sad it's all dead people up there think about weather in relation to music is interesting it is yeah

3:22:56 Yeah. The fireball in the sky is making me vitamins. It's like London too Right you know my friends that i know from the pacific northwest there's something about them there's a Right. And I think, look, if you look at the biggest political upheavals, I mean, they wouldn't let the police in. kind of fucking whereas it only seems to have ramped up more in the Pacific Northwest.

3:26:15 Yeah. Yeah. That was one of the craziest things about COVID is when the lockdown hit and people weren't driving, the air quality's never been better. Yeah, but I lived out here for a while. I appreciate what they do. But there's only so much time Like, what? like we were talking about driving that 68 Charger or a 68 Camaro to work, for a lot No, come on.

3:29:29 Dallas There's something weird about Ohio You run the risk of getting injured. And then he gets right up and does it again. There's no doubt. They're so strong. That's an argument for football that's a weird argument, right? Like the neck injuries were what they were trying to prevent Nobody wants to play anymore. Yeah. When you're watching crazy shit happen on the field,

3:33:10 if they happen. something i almost like about it more um watching it that way yeah it's kind of like you're more It's just the energy in the room is undeniable. You hear them breathing. I 100% would want the audience to be full. It's just the fight, man. And how much does that affect performance? some people probably fight better And you've got to realize, like, you have to perform.

3:36:24 He is as nice as possible. GSP is my shit. guy he's a super nice guy i want him to be a nice guy he is as Yeah, there's no fucking way. But such a nice guy. He gets that shit out inside the cage i saw anderson silva once in london oh yeah UK. He was dominating people. And he beat Jorge Rivera. It's real arguable. like anderson was unstoppable where did where did he fight at where what did he fight at what weight 185 was 185 so he's

3:39:32 It would have been interesting. He's from Rochester. He's fucking strong as fuck. these. What are these? It was everything. Traps. Man, that's nuts. Somebody. Doesn't it say death clutch on his back or something, too? Yeah. Come on, man. The fact that this guy. Look at the size of Brock Lesnar. That motherfucker was so big. Man. The fact that this guy.

3:42:31 There's a video of it. So he played preseason at least for the Vikings. Yeah. Woo! Yeah, respect. He's a funny number. 69, bro. You know how to do it. Yeah. Woo! That's fucking crazy. That's bananas. That's crazy. He's got ridiculous And Alistair Overeem beat him after he had colon surgery. Yeah, yeah. too you're talking about a guy who's one of the all-time greats he's on the mount rushmore for

3:46:19 And just started smashing people. Like, go to his mixed martial arts record, how many fights he had. So if you're a Bellator fighter, you would be contractually obligated So it was his fourth fight. Then he lost to Cain Velasquez and lost to Alistair. Yeah, he's like 5'10", but he's that wide. It's probably like, it's been how many hours? This was fun, man.

3:49:12 Thanks, man.