Joe Rogan Experience #1526 — Ali Macofsky Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Hello, Allie. Coffee and a smoothie. You pooped your pants yeah i but if you say you want half this and half that they're not going to put half in the scooper Everyone has a poop story. That's in the car. I've had a podcast. I don't know. That is a psychological thing. You think so? And most comics, there's something about like the laziness and the nonconformity and, you know, the unwillingness to do trudgery.

3:11 know exactly how until my senior year of high school but before that i was like maybe i'll be Olivia Grace. Yes, I love Olivia. kind of you know that I like met and so we became friends and I was like the first person my age, kind of, you know, that I like met. And so we became friends. and like literally anywhere. I was like, is that still the case?

4:57 But I had already been doing open mics around town. So I had already been doing Kill Tony. I walked in You know, to be around, I mean, just the people you just named, George Perez and Brian Redband. just seeing Jessel Nick and you know and all these like big time headliners and Joey Diaz and I found out about you through Kill Tony and Tony kept raving about how good you were.

7:07 happened was you had been the guest like on Kill Tony and I was a regular so you had seen one You know, I mean, that's how I do it. And then I had been doing that for a couple months, I'd say, just doing the hosting spot So you did Vegas. opening for me and you know like a couple little gigs on the road yeah I mean I never really got Yeah. It's my favorite place in Vegas. I love it. Yeah. So as soon as I got there, I was like,

10:11 Was it Portland? The first one was in the round. bonkers like when you would hear the laughs they were deafening it was a people scream 25,000 So the first time I got to like do the arena and the amphitheater, I was like, I'm literally the honest feedback yeah and i think that's why it's fun to also do the like arena or amphitheater fucking those weird segues that you do or yeah or when you act something out it seems cheap and

13:16 They're weird. it best he said like it's like methadone comedy yeah it's like you know he was talking about how also like, if I get an is hot for the Rona yeah yeah and so I've been getting tested really Yeah, they don't give a fuck. covid when you see it is that your defense well in their defense like they're on the border of It's great. Yeah. and he gets it, and he's not full of bullshit.

16:28 Completely addicted. Well, she was trying to read that book, Alan Carr's book, Stop Smoking. Yeah, no. So why'd you start back up again? I'm fine. I think cigarettes to get you addicted those are good yeah those they're so yummy those chemists lung cancer, you know, environmental shit. If you work in a factory that has a lot of weird fumes. I love garbage. You just like straight.

19:26 Yeah, yeah. weight and I lost 12 pounds in a month. Well... It's not that much meat. um just a couple like three eggs yeah and um how do you couple, like three eggs. Yeah. And, um, how do you cook them? Fry, fried eggs. in real time it's an experience it's like going to the zoo and like feeding a giraffe you're like That is the good thing about growing up poor is that you really appreciate when, you know,

22:22 Well, I grew up, you know, I mean, we weren't starving either, but we were poor. That's so crazy. The good news is you're living with your mom, right? That's crazy. And if I ever was in a pinch, like I know my parents would help me out how long did you think this was gonna I was like, look, it takes, you get sick and then you're only sick for like a week, right?

24:39 Well, it's a big country. And here you go. No end in sight. Yeah. Do we ever do a gig in Detroit? Isn't it getting... Sounds right. I think I would like invest in real estate. That's what everyone says, right? And you're like, I'm scared too. of all, the information you get from China down the street with those big Yeah, I got booked to perform on a rave cruise.

27:52 yeah and so i was like i need to bring a friend so i brought my friend danny and i was like he's this Japanese reality show and, uh, it's so good. It's called Terrace House and they just film in cases unfortunately. a joint. What is that? follow order. Yeah. Yeah. What's your favorite country you've been to? Because it's fucking freezing. this this spot i would go to austral Oh. I love Australia. Really? Yeah.

31:37 They just had four new cases. It's weird. Yeah. That's also why when you shake someone's hand, you shake someone's hand with your right hand because that's your dominant arm, supposedly. Oh, okay. I might have made that up, by the way. Maybe. You know, I just You can with many It's because they drive on the left is why we drive on the right, kind of.

33:44 That's what I'm saying. They were anxious to cast off all remaining links with their British colonial past and I remember reading about Matthew Broderick and he was over in Ireland, I believe, and you got to be on your fucking P's and Q's if you're driving on the left side like how did i get here do you text and drive no okay no i do not i do not yeah it's too tempting

35:11 People get mad at you. Are you going to visit us in texas I was like, are you on TikTok? I don't know if a group or some software engineer that back engineered TikTok. Don't give a fuck? What are you going to find out where I shit? I know nothing. I guarantee you they're not. The things that get me in the most trouble, I say right here. know if that's right well that's what Jamie's for Jamie Jamie pulls things up all

38:11 It's not my thing. I don't even mean what I say. Yeah. Oh, it's actually a fairly large video. Woo! I can't even put this on the internet. 000 americans that's what they would do they would take that clip and then go oh you're yucking it up For sure. Are you really wearing that? And I was like, what's that tattoo on your arm? It's a rowboat with a flower in it.

41:29 Today it's $1,000. Were you thinking about getting one in your cheek? And you know the one I forgot? She was number one. Well, yes. He's like a legend. So they're just like drawing over old tattoos, like new writing. Yeah. Top of his head, all the way down Yeah, look. Well, there was a fake picture that somebody, it might have been him that he posted, of his face fully tattooed.

43:58 Nice. Yeah. That's why I really liked being at the store and having people like you and Tony and Santino and just all the people there. Yeah. Remember, remember when we were in St. Paul and in the arena and I said, what's up St. I was the first one on stage. But then I recovered. Like if you go to New York and you call it Philly, your show's over. But if you call St. Paul, St. Louis, you're like, oh, my God, I'm a fucking idiot.

46:23 You don't drink. Why did you stop with the boozing and everything else? I stopped everything the day after Halloween of 2015. And I was like, okay, I still want to go out for Halloween, but I need to be respectful. I'm like, four years, seven months, whatever days. He realized. he cleaned up yeah he didn't you know didn't. Yeah. When he was like in his 30, I think he quit like at like 30 or something like that.

48:45 He was a great mind. And I think he had really interesting thoughts. And I think that his comedy was very revolutionary in that it changed the way people thought about doing comedy. issues you could talk about complex things yeah and inspired me to talk about more complex things but kinnison but you didn't start out talking about complex things did you no okay thank god

49:13 It just has to be funny. be interesting. It's really interesting. You know, never ask them, is this funny? You tell them this is funny. Number five, you are not married to any of this shit. If something happens, taking off on a tangent, never go back and finish a bit. Just to say and then do it in a funny way. Number eight, I close my eyes and walk out there and that's where I start. Honest. Number nine, listen to what you are saying.

52:11 Number 12. I love my cracker roots. Get to know your family, be friends with them. Well, that's Yeah. But I feel like I have to look at it like music. And I can appreciate both artists or both songs or whatever. If you go to see rock and roll and all of a sudden a folk singer shows up, you get upset. stuff and yeah well that's where i saw laura laura beats yeah i mean and i became a giant fan of hers

55:21 And that doesn't seem like a lot. friend who her notes are color-coded she has it like color-coded jokes that like really work but I wasn't aware of it. That really is comedy. you're in the middle of your development. And I was like, I don't know what that means. I can't do the rest of the shows here. Because we were at the store, hey, the state is putting a, they're making a limitation.

58:47 Yeah. like, this feels weird. Like people were on the plane. Some had masks, some didn't. This guy No one knew. You're not going on side because if you were you'd be telling people to take vitamin D they don't know why they don't exactly know what's the what the deal is but there's some direct I've been going to the beach a lot. I've told you this before,

1:01:47 Well, that's why human beings have figured out a way to manipulate the entire world. Like, that's what you have when you have a living room and a gun. We were the animals that figured out how to use tools. It's free. I mean, she's going to listen to this episode, so. Oh, I love her. Jennifer. There was something that I tweeted today that says marijuana stops people from getting COVID.

1:03:48 Yeah. I don't know if I believe that. from your lungs. Not like the source. Yeah, I mean, someone reached out and said that's not true. I was saying this. Yeah, I don't know. what they said. Is that kind of like nine out of when it first came out. So that's like people were like all the smoke out of here so you don't have to think about it. professional tiktokers they actually make a living oh yeah talking oh yeah a good living too

1:07:23 I can tell. Seven months, something like that? number yeah yeah i don't know why i assumed it was a guy probably because i'm sexist but that uh Sure, everyone knows about the dancing and the lip-syncing and whatever. and how little I know about TikTok. out of me what does she do on tiktok she doesn't she has a tiktok she posts a lot of like ymh clips

1:09:19 That's funny. That is a great example of two really talented, really funny, really smart people that it actually works as a marriage. I always want to like go to their house and be like, what do you guys do when you're not like... had to go get something from the car. My wife hates me it still on is it on um sorry this is so There's always some people that are causing a ruckus.

1:11:25 Big Jay's a master. He got yanked off the stage. That's what I read. It's really funny. mad chilling oh my god he's funny those guys all those legion of skanks guys Lots of smells. all responsibility this is it and just having fun. Okay, so here, him off the stage. Oh, shit. No, I have not. No. Yeah. skating and dancing at the same time it would work it's like age on tiktok is like there's

1:14:35 Yes. And then the dance is like you're pretty much doing like interpretive dance and then making it a And then this is what I don't like about TikTok is that there's these young, everyone's on it. Like there's this website called Omegle and you can talk to complete strangers. What? He's like a legit sheriff's deputy. like I was with my dad. Yes. But this was a couple years ago, so

1:18:00 of him! Oh my god! crazy damn seven seven from China he made China big huge in the NBA and this is him and the And coordinated? like the antetokounmpo brothers who came from africa went to greece tall giant skinny uncoordinated If you find somebody deep in wherever, But that makes sense. But you're not like, what's up, bro? He's a cartoon. cowboy boots too or some shit.

1:21:21 Back up where you were, where you just were. what the fuck son and years Shut your mouth, woman. What are you talking about? For some people I want scrawny men who want to be the baby spoon. Oh, my God, yeah. worked out you realize like just to maintain that all the time like that the way he does yeah that's whereas most people know most people have not had the chance to go viral or

1:24:16 I was talking about the Apple algorithm they use for podcasts where the new. And then once the algorithm... Guessing for sure. Yeah, I mean, I've seen people say But it's just interesting to me Dude, how crazy was Rob Lowe saying that he was on the worst show on television, meaning Yeah. So much content. dan annie practically annie assaulted me on this episode she tried to eat me out

1:27:18 And yeah, it's fun. The Ally Makovsky experience. diaz show i want to see the joey dia show, I want to see the Joey Diaz show. the canoe on top of the house. Really? Okay, yeah. That means like if someone, one of your friends who's like 24. And you got to go, hey, are you okay? Like living with your parents is not a bad move. I would feel so guilty.

1:29:53 Yeah. Like, apparently they have houses. I was like, oh, I don't even know why I know that that's a thing, My sister just had her bachelorette party, I mean, they're having these fucking parties with like 200 people jammed into a house. cowboy theme. telling you they're saying there's like these giant LA That was like what Belzerian was doing, right?

1:32:20 That like if you, if you live in these neighborhoods and you're like a regular person with like And kids would just show up at their house. And now that one of the brothers, Jake or Logan, got raided. Yeah. like an apocalyptic movie. that store you know there's a thing that happens to people when there's a bunch of us and things And this other guy was yelling at him and he's sticking the gun at him.

1:34:43 This is wild. also something else going on when they when they say that term mob mentality, have you ever felt it? Sign me up. That's a little different at the UFC. I was like, I'm taking jiu-jitsu right now. Sign me up. There's trained fighters. because that's that feeling like fucking anything can happen. They're going sideways. and you could feel around four o'clock when one couch was on fire in the middle of the street that

1:37:15 But as you were, that was pretty controlled as far as a lot of things i didn't i wasn't that there's a police getting beat up by these dudes who are jumping over me this is great oh shit that's the only time i've felt that again where it was just like i But yeah. really primitive primates hit each other with rocks fucking thing can happen right now and people do shit they would never do. Yeah. Like something about, it's like a melee button that gets hit.

1:39:37 I'm like, people are way more aggressive with it. She was like frantic. it's like, but am I going to be doing enough shows When the first real show in L.A.? TikTok. Oh, there's crazy shit. Yeah. It's too small. how do you know the rut oh they scream you ever heard an elk scream go to the busy wild uh look at it yeah look at the smoke. That's a male.

1:43:35 They run into each other and stab each other with the weapons that nature has bestowed Crazy. It is so wild to see that these just giant ancestors of dogs exist free in the mountains it's really fucking pretty amazing They have really enormous feet. When did you get into all of the hunting him it's ruthless we don't have to watch it. I wish I bookmarked that one too. But it was a bison hitting another bison and making it fly through the air.

1:46:20 Just makes it go flying. tumble inside your wheel Ali Yeah? Have you done it before? Because I was just like, it was just so scary. You went the other way. They were more fun. Yeah. whoever wins no matter how good the candidate is but i also think that this has shown us like I know, I know, I know. Well, it feels—you feel angry. out of their head and no one can just calm down, it's not a good combination. It's not good for

1:50:46 You know, and as much as I think that universal basic income, like one of the things is this automation comes and takes your job maybe you could figure out another job yeah but if there's People. sell chicken wings, but like, I don't know. There's only so many. I want to go back to trading, but there's, like, I can either sell chicken wings, but, like, I don't know.

1:52:20 I'm a scared hoe. That's why. Let me tell you something. About politics because part of what he does is funny like he has a mug that says leftist tears You can still think he's a nice guy and still think it's fucking silly to make fun of wet pussy totally skillful like arguably the best boxer of all time but he he didn't go after guys and just engage in

1:55:41 just outboxing all these people and he never gets his ass kicked it's kind of funny i mean if you really pay attention to it it's kind of fun well ben shapiro is that's Yeah. But this is the, if I can, people go, people, oh, it's fucking easy for you guys. all your fun friends, you know, they're all people. You're not thinking about what hurts. this story to make it look a certain way to validate their point when it's like no one knows

1:58:11 i was watching this one pile on where this guy was oh this is from douglas murray's book that's They run into him. Yeah. Fuck. They have enough money. The hundreds. It's Doc and Marty. Back to the You should try it. Okay. Are you into any Yeah. going over the lip and like scraping the bottom of your board. And dropping back down in. No, I'm using my way into it. Look at you.

2:01:12 Do you do the railing shit? But if he wasn't there, I would have eaten shit. like skate stuff whatever he was very vague and when he was walking out to so tight he's so nice he's so tight yeah he's so tight he's so sick he fucking shreds he's so dope And so the people started attacking him. there's no room yeah there's no room for fucking around like you can't

2:04:23 you really should eat healthier food why are we pretending it's okay like you can be healthy and fat is nonsense. That's a problem. But sometimes the people that are eating fast food are just poor. rock solid married to position or anything it's a thought you're thinking out loud but you're And it's a thing we don't really understand. down and just print it somewhere it's like what is that because there's no tone no context yeah

2:07:16 Let me tell you why I believe it. Some people are better at convincing. know they know what they're doing i was learning sign language before covid i would go to like What is this? Who is? Look how fast she's moving. She's TikTok-ing. I love it. Like you have to sign with people? That is cool. But I would have to tell them like slow, slow. speak and maybe like in texas in certain rural parts you wouldn't really understand certain

2:11:15 different is it it's very different it's very different so if you went over there like you us, would come up with a way a like a type of language Oh, that movie was crazy. And it was like, they would spray black ink into the sky, right? Have you seen the trailer for Tenet? to be a thousand years old and he's got this um series of patents What alien life is is something that has gotten to the point

2:14:05 sure the power stays on like what are they doing i think keto probably squats i think life could be gets in your head like man i don't like that idea and then you you start working to fulfill that Like, you know, you have free will and control, but to some extent, everything's kind of already what's going to happen is going to happen. uh, Like, without any intervention nothing nothing switched how much of their life are they really responsible

2:17:33 like reality itself changes too much yeah and things come up that seem like if there was going It's so on the nose. It's going to eventually get good enough where you can't tell that you're in a simulation. I was a little too dumb to understand what he was saying. If you follow the pattern of innovation, if you go from pioneers to people who live in cities to cell phones and Internet and fucking space force and you just keep going

2:19:49 am I in the simulation? We don't know if that's actually going on right now. but that's okay. You just fucking spray it down. You're good. You have a few flaws in your life. This wasn't your fault. Oh, your character's a barbarian. That's going to come. exists already in nature like maybe they're interconnected in some sort of a way like maybe people that are lashing out at people all the time that energy that you put out is not a one way thing that it

2:23:22 like tough and whatever, but like, you know, there's still a part of that energy, the negative energy that's going to go into you and go I think a lot of that is probably connected to the fact that so many people fucking hate him For sure. So the last years, before that he's in rap songs. He was the hero. Allie, I'm going to let you out. do a lot with it really oh yes they do they pardon hundreds of people there's so many people in jail

2:26:20 And it's just interesting hearing about. Let me take a breath. I don't know. Part of it is punitive stuff. sometimes before you get out. Right. Even if you have an appeal, like there's a lot going on there. So the death penalty and all that shit is like, yeah, in theory, Yeah. But the thing is, like with this guy, there wasn't enough. how is he supposed to know what to do

2:30:09 That's what they're going to say. Allie, you can't commit crime if I can read your mind, right? for shit they didn't do what because you won't let people read your mind and find out that then let us read your mind That's going to be a useless thing. So, with your presence. Not that I really see you that often. Resting Bitch, and that's all you need to know about me. That's all you need to know. All right.