Joe Rogan Experience #1534 — Ron White Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. uh called the dial it back a little bit program and it's like aa except there's only six steps And I started, like I was saying, when I was playing golf, And in Austin, what were you saying about the rules? They've got other things to do. And because we set this up for, we were talking on Friday, and you said next Tuesday the 8th.

3:26 years how long you i've said you know i started coming to austin when i was 15 years old uh my Scott McMillan would set up in his yard, his backyard. And then we'd walk two blocks of that's just what people always do though oh yeah Oh, yeah. I missed it, man. Yeah, I talked to this guy who's doing IT work. everybody and uh but there's still a pretty hard right wing you know faction that runs it all out

6:12 You do. took over of course yeah it deteriorated almost instantly and became a terribly run country It's not civilized. They had a whole series of checks and balances to keep things from going sideways they really had some good ideas it's really amazing when you stop and think about uh, uh, This is where I ended up. I wanted to get back out to the path of least resistance.

9:52 That's what I am. It just makes sense. was two women and uh and all together with lawyers and all in for 10 probably 10 million bucks and Well, it turns out I was. Oh, I'll do that. The crowd's showing up. Yes, it is September. Let's just do it yeah but Yeah. Yeah, no, I didn't see it. We're working out the gremlins here at the new studio. and then he just dragged him off the stage.

14:28 Sorry. I like that. And so I sent them over some tequila and I'm like, and they threw a fit over me. We passed it around on the 18th to polish it off. You ain't got time for it. Yeah. You got to drink it. But you have to do that, right? So when I had four minutes, I could kill for four minutes, That's a tough spot to be in. I mean, he just was learning stand-up in front of sold-out crowds.

18:28 And I was okay with it. about money everything else gets it money. Everything else gets complicated. was coming in and I was so joyous because I didn't see what else was coming behind it i actually i was my girlfriend lives on the main channel over on Oxnard at the marina. i'm never going to make another dime what can i keep what? What can I, what do I sell? And I said,

21:11 that was my next question, if we reach herd immunity, I'll just bring you out for a guest set. uh i'm not worked really hard but i always did a lot of shows yeah right uh tour all the time I forgot a couple of things. we didn't need outside but it was a good time it was it was fun but then i started thinking man And I found out that outside the Mirage, I'm nobody, even with the MGM Grand folks.

24:04 And then we went to uh we had we Yeah. They say it's because of some kind of a vibe that it has energy or whatever yeah and uh we're staying in this you know it's kind of a five-star resort and it was down on this river with these But there was a little house right on the river. saying we have to i'm just saying and then i kind of okay with a syringe of heroin and just whatever

26:46 The big fear is giving it to somebody who can't handle it, right? movie but the guy wakes up in the middle of a coma from a coma and the world's she wants to go to the grocery store she wants to go you know but she's just been locked up so There were people not wearing masks, and I just wanted to fucking cuss them out. It's become, I think, a little bit better.

29:28 It's very important. in vitamin D. And only 4% had sufficient levels of vitamin D. The vitamin D has a significant impact on your immune system, Yeah, everybody does. Right, and I think you're right. Yeah. I sleep good. Oh, no, that's salvation. Close? you're not going to have a lot of energy. Thank you. For everything. Yeah. Are you still microdosing?

33:04 Yeah, right. Well, I ran into you at the green room at the comedy store and you were like, I found this thing that's fucking amazing. Just, but you're very there. diverge off of parallel the people on mushrooms could recognize it much quicker than the people mushrooms coming on a little bit and then uh, uh, there was this horrible wreck in Houston where this big truck with some kind

35:42 And it wasn't funny at all. Yeah, it makes you see things. in your spaceship you know austin tell you that i got used to it quick i'm settled in i love it like it a lot i love the Like, Jesus. You know, they're all born out of this. No kidding. But anyway, that's where that was all German settlements. that had a seat on it and he said that when he saw that he he said that he thought everything

39:10 You're above it grinding through life. It's not happening. I'll vote for your way. But they could fuck up some of the aspects of this place They go, no. Like do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. That's true. country because the comanches of the comanches it's really what it is okay all right let's hear But didn't the American people or the settlers call them Indians because they thought they were in India?

43:05 Right. who figured out how to fight the Comanche. original texas ranger and this bad motherfucker figured out how to live like a comanche fight because these motherfuckers figured out how to fight the Comanches. who ran through Austin. I didn't even know that. like charred cliffside because the piles of buffalo would literally burst and burst into Well, I can't play golf because I'd get obsessed.

46:20 I know I would. He's telling me. I think he's He's gonna. I'm dragging him on. He said there's gonna be no place to do stand-up, and I'm like, no's fucking hilarious. I think he's talking about moving to Austin. He's kind of. I'm dragging him on here, Ron White. And the club's going to be on the ranch? not barbecue and comedy yeah not just barbecue and comedy i mean like outdoor festivals i want

47:54 I forget about your platform and how many people it reaches. I'm like, God damn, how many people are watching this fucking thing? I just knew you had a podcast. And that's why when I watch it, Yes. She drove it all the way to Texas and we were thinking about doing... Oh, no, he did tell me that, on Travis, right. Yeah. You used that bandana you have wrapped around your neck.

50:47 control and that garcetti guy's not handling it well no i don't think so no it's a fucking The guys who have it made is those mobile home dudes that drive around those After COVID, everything, after this whole George Floyd thing and the attacks right we thought someone was shooting in front of our house we thought guns were going out in Yeah, probably didn't matter. But I was that worried about it you know just that uh i'm gonna go ahead and put

53:28 It takes a lot to get people to smash, Once things start happening, it seems normal. You're going to let them? Yeah. And I'm in a great position to weather the storm. There's no rich people out there looting. of restaurants that we lost in austin that never come back. And small, but not just restaurants. Well, Austin, at least they're letting these people stay open with limited capacity and, you know, make people wear masks.

56:55 about a hypocrite the the fucking all the beauty salons are locked down she went into the beauty And I know the fucking rules. That lady handed Trump a giant gift. not smart she's just a politician she's just greasy they've just been doing it long enough You tell me she can't get someone to come to her house and wear a mask and give her a blowout. It's just like when you see politicians being hypocritical, like that lady in Chicago, the mayor of Chicago.

59:14 I have a right to protect my own safety. fucking intoxicating the ability to tell people you can't work right shut it down you know start Well, I believe you're right about that. you in advance what's about to happen well uh and uh well well this one this guy, particular guy, is really, really, really smart. Oh, that's not a cigar. I'm 100% convinced.

1:01:58 All right. They don't know how fast it did it because it was literally a blip in the radar. before There's a little We'll get it worked out um 81.3 that's a good number 81.3 that's likely yeah likely i mean how could it not be you know I was going to Beverly Hills God, he's the best. Here's the thing. and in fact, I said something that made him laugh really hard because he told me about it. He called

1:05:50 it was coming on something, but it hadn't That's Steven Spielberg. Okay. And a lot of people that are Who worked at Area S4 Worked on weapon systems and shit. Right, and window and got there and was like what are you and he said that they had a stable supply Nobody needs me. tracking systems and then they disappear faster than you can look at it. My little cigarillo went out of...

1:09:32 Yeah. Oh, fuck. Whitney Cummings pig? That's Whitney Cummings pig. and they they he did he lived up in palmdale. And eventually they just got out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the Bob Lazar documentary is a must-see. There's some weird parts of it, And one of the analogies could just go back to 1800s 1800s show them a nuclear pretty surprised about a nuclear let's

1:12:05 And the way he described it, I'm getting a bloodletting. So right after we started blowing up bombs, they were like, hey, hey, hey, these fucking monkeys have figured out some shit. What have they done? let me refresh you there thank you are you gonna rinse I'm over here doing the dishes Oh a little rinse I'm worried about my own desire to believe Like, you know, many things.

1:14:42 You know, my parents used to take me to see sexually in the world i already don't believe you so it says my wife had an affair, but I wasn't there watching. I did not fuck that guy's pig. there's no way they just yeah power yeah there's no way they just stop at the money i used to do And then Kennison ended up fucking her, right? Yeah, I remember. You've got to remember, back in those days, there was only a few of those weird pseudo-celebrity. And this was before reality TV. We've got to remember back in those days,

1:17:20 She probably had it to get to the dance. What? But imagine if you're your dad. I'm going to get some guy to fuck her in front of me scandalous but it does easy joe because it seems like men cheating well it's all dependent upon So I'm going to watch. He handed me the camera. Yeah, that's a guy who's establishing some very loose boundaries. I was thinking that he was trying to rope me into this.

1:20:54 of like what's acceptable to some folks Right. But now you're the first Baptist of the world. Woo! Come on. Mar-a-Lago. You should go at it, man. Am I in the way, Jamie? Yeah. after he died, and she was talking about Jesse's collection together it's not a big deal he's a good guy i played golf with him once and uh and he told me Clinton's a hack. uh i had a new netflix show called ex-presidents high on mushrooms and uh the the whole goal of

1:25:09 You know who should have been a comic? Just sending his dick out to everybody. the wrong business you're in a business where you get chastised and you you lose everything for being who you are at arenas there's a moment where they're like ladies and gentlemen please welcome joe rogan What's up? It doesn't make sense. I think when it makes sense, I'm in trouble.

1:27:30 the way around it and it was packed to the rafters with these huge tvs right wow and uh and then Of course. go wow is that real that's why those rock stars died at 27 you know they didn't they couldn't Who the fuck is he supposed to manage this thing that no one's ever had to manage before? Could I sit down with Dave Chappelle? until the covid hit but um we we broke the record of the tacoma dome it was 25 000 people you just

1:30:26 trouble but you could still do it yeah you make it you land at the end you're like whoa that was ranch you want to i'll set that up that'd be great i will absolutely be interested in that but yeah you could watch. Sure. It's not too far from your house, and it a you know you ever I wish I wish I knew Right. I did a show there the other night. Yeah, it is.

1:33:40 No? That's him. That's a cult guy. Yeah. Gu one below that. Below that. Right there. That one. That's him. There's a certain fake spiritual look that's one of my favorite looks. building that seems like i thought you did that's why it gave me this idea you were the one bringing That's the key. Right. they asked me again and said for this much money i said no i don't have time i'm not gonna write a

1:36:03 and sign books. Which was very cool. You've got to have a ping pong table in your ping pong all the time. When I see people playing tennis, I'm like, man, you only have so much meniscus i know i did you know that's dr phil you know i play golf with dr phil but he Oh, yeah, I've heard of that. He just hurt his knee too. You know, They strap you up and skeletons are chasing after you.

1:38:12 Oh, my God. We thought everything that could be invented had been invented. We don't have all the glitches figured out. and they come falling out of the ceiling and running towards you, Yeah, you're gunning them down. I'm playing something that's on the TV. It ain't going to be pickleball. Paintball has consequences. You let her, didn't you? imagine what it's going to be like when you can't distinguish it between this and reality and you

1:40:55 All right. But, like, they set up this scenario where it's two guys playing virtual Oh boy. that that's the car that i drive around where i can't believe it's mine yeah i can't believe But we were there the other day. Fun as fuck. And, you know, it bred a place to go have fun. improv you have to go stand on melrose avenue and uh smoke it in traffic because they don't give

1:44:38 That's why the comics park right next to the door, and you park wherever the fuck you can. Ron White is still Dia's. I was like, come to Austin with us. Joey Diaz is going to go through one New Jersey winter. Come on, man. Come on out here. I'll sponsor I hope so. I'm accepting the fact that he went to New Jersey. It's in there, man. knows that i think he's the funniest guy that's ever lived.

1:47:24 He's just such a crazy person, but a good person, too. Yeah. He wants to go back to Jersey. Come to Texas. We're going to get a bunch of them out here. it was our our our home and that we all we come like with a guy like you and a guy like me, and you're like, we don't necessarily work together. And that's what the store was for us. time to recharge relax talk to people who have chosen the same exact path i've chosen in life

1:50:51 when i'm not trying new shit you know yeah yeah i know because if i'm eating it on stage and and i I don't want to say 1991. And he flew me out to New York or brought me out to New York. Wild. and then then I'm around these pool hall deviants You know, I had homeless guys would sleep on my couch in my apartment, I had quit fighting by then, and I had quit even teaching

1:53:55 brain damage so sparring a lot and i was getting a lot of headaches and i was like i think i might I was driving him around. He'd go, Smokin' Joe, But great dude. he lost his license on a DUI so I was driving dynamite dickless Dave Dolan around and we would wife we're done we're done buddy you had to meet the guy i mean he was such a boston like an irish

1:57:08 I know. He had a PGA Tour card for eight years. There's a few pictures of me out there with those on. One of those other, I have a lot of can I get a check, please moments in my life. No, no, no. Been around, Jamie? I don't know. Jesus Christ, you couldn't remember Snoop Dogg? More famous than you can imagine. She listened to it. songs and it was all because of him uh and uh and then he wrote some huge hits for other artists

2:00:42 uh pebble beach at&t stuff with Larry the Cable. Oh, yeah, ridiculous. I don't know. as famous i mean my son was a huge Fear Factor fan the first, Of course, you're more famous. And we were talking about that earlier. that i don't really think about the rest of it like i said when the first time i did your podcast i had no idea well i i like doing a lot of different things i

2:03:35 That's my unique mental illness. See, none of that shit bothers me. You were here early. I wasn't good at it. Apparently, I'm better at it than. Apparently I'm better at it than you. I learned how to relax. I'm not going to be doing podcasts. if I can do that and just recharge Right. I miss those days. it and go on. Change what you can. If you can, that you just accept it and and go on change what you

2:07:25 The idea is just to do something crazy and have fun. I like doing things you're not supposed to do. I can't tell you like, oh, good. This is going to work out fine. Always have been. and help comic not just austin comics but everywhere you know bring them into this place I mean, the comics were terrible. It was very disappointing You could have had a podcast.

2:10:31 There's a lot of people trying to figure out We're different things. Yes, and I am as well. up joey diaz the funniest guy ever ron white's the baddest motherfucker that ever lived all these Louis C.K. and Bill Burr do you know how much it would cost to put on that show out at the ranch nothing zero yeah Yeah. Even if I don't tour anymore, It's exciting,

2:13:06 I like bow hunting, I like stand-up comedy, I like fighting, all these i like exciting things all the things i'm interested in are exciting i like bow hunting i like stand-up comedy i like fighting all these things are exciting things right i like exciting And I haven't even thought about interacting with anybody for half a fucking year, you know. It's beautiful.

2:14:20 So I had to do the nose swab. I'll give you a hug. I just want you to take 5,000 IUs a day minimum. They taste good. It's basically fingernails right You know that? Oh, I love it. And she's got a long black dress. And, of course, I laughed so hard that she probably could have taken me down I could throw you into that table because you're little and I'm big, right?

2:17:55 I would never hurt a woman. Well, jiu-jitsu is one of the rare martial arts where a woman really can kill you. Yeah, I get it. You can still wait till I fall asleep. Not good. I don't do any of that stuff. She sliced it off and threw it on the side of the road, all right can i get a check please fucking a snake that's gonna be the name of my next I can.

2:20:51 Oh, yeah. I'm not going to go there. had some people come up, comics that I've known for years, It was those same conspiracy theories that are coming We picked it up, and I'm like, there's a missing kid somewhere. yeah and that's what that epstein shit's all about and that's what's so spooky about it was that it's prominent politicians and scientists

2:23:43 well you know the the interview that uh prince uh andrew right uh yeah it was there do you see that interview when And how do you not see that coming, you idiot motherfucker? No, it's hot. It's important to everyone. Because there's no way you could bring an outsider into that world and have them do anything. Stop it. Right. Oh, they're extradited from the kingdom.

2:26:19 i watched that paris hilton lame little I think I think that family Mirage to get into this what's now a soap shop. I'm just looking around the Kardashian. But anyway, they made me leave. weren't dishing it thank you were saying i felt like that she can go at it thank you very much But I did. What is that guy? because of junk science that guy made me cry like a baby

2:29:29 Why are you threatening me? I don't know if I can live in Texas And then I What about you? right i fucking love it right you're brand new you're new and look i already got a studio where the podcasters go right so let's bring them all here yeah you always have the ability to move everybody was more interesting than me Once I get you up at the club Once the club

2:32:04 Why don't we have a meeting Yeah. I miss it. Yeah, you got it. Yeah scene yeah we just gotta make weed legal but Like it is in California. He was waiting. I didn't even know it. and i walked in there and he wasn't kidding it was fucking 15 kinds of gorgeous bud ice cream that made you want potato chips, right? I'm there by myself. I'm going, this is horrible.

2:35:25 Well, when you come down a little bit, you feel real thankful you're not as fucked up as you were an hour ago. appreciate being alive right you know i've i've i've had some uh really low spots in my life And he'd be out there being held by a waitress while I'm up on stage doing stand-up comedy. And he goes, oh, it's a funny bone. it's a funny bone he's two and a half oh my god that's funny but that's how he you know that's

2:38:24 days it took her six months to make it and so i thought why wouldn't you just go to mexico and these fairs or whatever and sell it. And she'd sell it all in two hours, but the fair's three days. And I sold that house. entire subdivision there. And there was a tortilla factory that had been abandoned, if not one of the employees, were little kids. you know isn't that crazy so you'd toured and you kind of like settled into this idea that i'm just going to be here in mexico making pottery yeah yeah but you know but but foxworthy and i

2:41:01 and then I'd get on a plane to Houston, because his mother would send him a box of tomatoes every year. while I was out doing stand-up, right? to Houston, and, you know, just beat up. drive to the fucking post office, go back to the dumpster, fucking open the lid, dig through a dumpster to get it and uh i forget where we were at right before that um but you were in mexico and that's you were doing pottery yeah opening for jeff fox yeah

2:44:05 Right, I was making pottery in Mexico. I was making pottery in Mexico. Well, probably 44, 45, and before that came out, right? And give the money. If your family tree does not fork right and it was all so long i mean those jokes were so long ago but it was such a great hook and he underlines this part and this part and this part. about that man no there's nothing there's nothing but good you know a great human being uh dear dear

2:47:17 And, you know, and I've never been into that. Don't think about Whitney's pig. That's a nice deer. I feel stupid, but I know his name. he's a mentalist um so we we pitch him the the judge roy bean story but jay's there to And they have footage because they have all these cameras out of pigs that are in the wild walking up to the fence going, which the the guy that runs it runs a big construction company.

2:51:06 Don't do it. i've seen it you know crazy right you've been around crazy. And he goes, she's not coming back. But before they did that, there were four pigs that lived in the house, I definitely did not watch that man fuck my wife. My brother, another beautiful podcast. Yeah, right, right, yeah. I got nothing to do.