Joe Rogan Experience #1563 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day It's sad. It is sad. melrose like they're still closed right most of them come back yeah yeah when you drive down the has less humans it makes you realize like oh that's better like there's plenty of people out People think it's a city. There's so many of them. You took a trip to Pebble Beach.

2:45 I figured I would just drive the cart and have fun. It's so much fun. And as far as activities that suck time, You're always thinking about your next shot or your last shot, what you did wrong, what each individual putt and shot i say it right yeah we call them shots drives it depends on what excuse me where are your clowns there's no other sport that's worth millions of dollars if you're

5:16 There's no... crazy move he does where he lifts his leg up and then he steps into it and whacks it. Look where it lands. and then after that touch, some guys have crazy break shots like with a lot of power and then afterwards it's a touch and heat kicks up things are moving much faster so you have to adjust throughout the day for uh from And they play a lot of pool outside.

8:18 And the tables. to power the ball around these disgusting tables like not disgusting but just you you would be the vast majority of them and people get obsessed with watching Efren Reyes Manny Pacquiao's a killer pool player. Like, he gambles with professionals. Like Max is like world champion caliber pro. Like Manny's much better than me. Look at him kick that ball in, son.

10:51 and I say this as a right-handed person, Look how fucking good he is he Like, no bullshit. Because you think Manny wouldcgregor dominate connor But I did not remember it being as close as it truly was. I mean, I know. I say there's a real good argument he's the greatest of all time His style is take the minimal amount of damage, find your openings, and then establish your game, and then dominate.

14:51 He's the best of all time. So what Mayweather was doing was boxing with him but preserving. So fast. And there's no remedy for that. Right. Other than getting a guy tired. And that's what a guy like Mayweather would do. He's so protected. And occasionally you clip him with a shot as he's moving away, your game you got to be like him or like bernard hopkins when bernard hopkins was at the top of

16:53 smashed. Bernard Hopkins is a look at this look at this he doesn't even move wow he doesn't even move he's a master of distance but then break with you and catch you with a left hook, break, catch you with the right hand. Always defensive, It's like the question is, did he do it on purpose? Very few human beings have the kind of will that Evander Holyfield has.

18:51 I want to say he fought light heavyweight in the Olympics. it's weird how like cool trophies and stuff sometimes get weird like I was thinking about So if his first professional fight was at Light Heavyweight And he was just fucking jacked. I'm Bernard Hopkins, motherfucker. fucking savage. One of those round and they kept fighting. Oh, my God. Kim Couture.

22:29 oh my god ooh, this is not going to last. and then it's over. I don't think animals have an ego. and then the thing about chimps is why is he going to listen to you? Yeah, just to let you know and the chimp goes to see him like, standard people think it's good oh did you get your dog neutered yeah i did and you're like you a birthday cake happy birthday buddy and the other chimps that are in cages right next to her like this motherfucker didn't bring me a

26:05 human so if you try to hide your hands they'll pull your hands away from and open them up and and you go, oh, I wish I was that guy. But there's a thing that we have initially, especially when they're children, we feel angry. We find reasons to be upset at someone for being successful Yeah, I mean, he was in the hospital. No nose. Oh, yeah, of course.

28:41 That's his chimp. chimps exactly know the human anatomy all that well, all these monkey bars and stuff they could hang on, but there's a bunch of people staring at them. There's no places to go journey to, to explore. really high, really high, fucking super baked, No, you're right. We don't even really know how smart orcas are, right? They also, they communicate.

31:33 Orcas have accents. They don't use it. and it's so little. It's like your arm, they put it in a cast. One of the weird things is you get your arm out of the cast. It's so little. What happened? Oh, my God. because the judge said the chimp, quote, this chimp got involved with like it says that it's his chimp that got involved that it like It happens a lot.

34:26 Oh, my God, that's hilarious. So if a dog bites you, they just put the dog down. They seem to know that that's where your cum is stored. story this lady thought this chimp was like a pet and then she realized like this chimp has no idea what the rules are But he, whatever reason, didn't like that lady and just decided to tear her apart. I have a couple giraffes on order.

36:55 come over it's a giraffe they didn't train it and his tongue reaches out and grabs a whole little So I went with the whole Kill Tony crew. you stop giving them eucalyptus, They're like cute and slow and dumb, yeah you felt like a little aggression from them right oh absolutely i put it down fucking leaves that's a good question. Let's do it. To get real cunty with you, would you cook one? Yeah.

38:32 Yeah. who's completely insane was like Chucky that wanted to kill them. Here are eight adults who are caught posing as children. Meanwhile, she's doing heroin when you're not around. parents who are acute parents who are accused of abandoning an 8-year-old Ukrainian girl when we tried to do a good thing Hold on a second. oh, they got divorced over this,

40:50 they were sleeping and once tried to push her towards an electric fence and poured bleach in only diagnosed in adults. Okay. Citing court documents, WISH-TV and Indianapolis CW affiliate reported that the girl's age was changed from 8 to 22 in 2012. Wow. I don't say that very often. you don't have to work imagine you adopt an 8 year old drive-in i haven't seen it in forever yeah i kind of i didn't remember so much of it it's probably

44:02 did more interviews and said that like, She looks like she's 40. Oh, she's old. other picture of her the other picture of her she looked young yeah she looked like a little kid If you had said, yeah you got to get rid of the old and new it's like when you find an old joke you know what? in their backyard and i mean like the windows-year-old daughter goes outside and there's just people doing construction in their backyard.

46:45 got raped it is the craziest scene like look at this look at him he's looking at like yeah killed later on right those guys survive oh yeah right you never hear from even crazier at least The construction guy? outraged as an audience member which would you most certainly would today that's one of those the series so there was more than How many of them were there?

49:21 Carol Ann Freeling was the young point of the series, It was later believed that she had been suffering Oh, that was the girl who gave up the finger. after 3 years and 7 months summer of 2017 what and all of a sudden this guy's out who choked your daughter to death wants to get choked? Yeah. Right. lot of gals that would be like a deal breaker looking for a husband looking for a man to take

52:20 Yeah. Applying pressure isn't fun. Yeah. Yeah. It's a different kind of thing. gonna spit in someone's face you might as well kick him in the balls absolutely that is the we Well, the only difference is you spit someone, you know you're not going to kill them. You're basically as close to starting a fight as you can without hitting a person. Yeah. and you see a woman who got choked to death,

55:19 must have been fucking terrifying, while hanging out with Christopher Walken and whoever? But Christopher Walken, I think, was hanging out. other day in just I just watched a preview of that movie where he can see like he holds your hand and he could see what's going to happen to you what a badass look at Sleepy Hollow. before christmas yeah watch that every year that's great it's fucking fantastic and it's incredible

58:30 It's basically a creepy movie about real estate Great. It's amazing. Henry Selleck. What's Snopes? It's so good. trump's hair who wore better you should see bill murray out on the golf course. He's so funny, man. He's really silly out there. I want you to hear this fucking bomb I'm about to hit or something like that. Wow. Here's the article. Neil Gaiman book.

1:01:48 and it's all animated. is like doting like her parents are writers and all they're doing is like we have to work get out and they're with her all the time, So whenever you have kids, Tony, Say it could be worse, Yeah. They booted him out of this new movie because he lost a lawsuit. And then he lost that suit. That's just what they do nowadays. And he gets to stay home.

1:04:53 she gets any money anymore i think he's suing her now i think that's what's happening you know That probably pisses some women off stock why are you splitting hairs jamie oh i'm not no i'm just saying she seems like you got some of She just went up with the stock also. pledge is what that's called what is the charitable giving campaign in which she

1:07:55 true but there i do know that women who fend for themselves and who run businesses and women who People are adaptable. to make the machine where it tests your blood oh i was gonna bring her up elizabeth thanos yeah I'll put on black turtlenecks. It was all a lie. accurate. So like, maybe you don't feel good. Maybe you have a history of cancer in your family.

1:10:18 Meanwhile, Mike's got colon cancer And then they owe so much money. and because I take so many vitamins and nutrients and testosterone replacement I'd get pumped. who was her boyfriend who drove a Lamborghini. Yeah. Borrowing a bunch of money for a product that was never going to work. I got the whole story from the ABC podcast series. thanos theranos theranos but unfortunately today it's down so we're just going to take your blood with a syringe.

1:14:41 They're like, oh, well, let's at least. i go do you know what a pyramid scheme is he goes no i go what you described is a pyramid scheme He got Steven Spielberg. Jeez. This doesn't add up. Right. Anthony? That guy's a comic. Madoff. Wow. Get the fuck out of here Oh my goodness Oh my god Recovered. that handled him and all the people that brought him to court like he never felt any remorse

1:18:33 he just stole it no one wants their own island you're so naive listen to me it's like everything when you're playing a game okay let's I want to beat him. Why? What is it? Bernie Madoff asking Trump I hope he pardons Julian Assange. How many pardons do you get? interesting uh storyline like if you know he's gonna push back on this thing i don't know what's

1:21:36 Yeah, he fired the Secretary of Defense. He just lost the election. I sort of like the guy. You should watch it. Wow. decisions and you kind of root against him and the bad guy is kind of a fucking You're the average American voter. I don't remember off the top of my head. Nope. Zabka. And then you just kick them in It was too hard to get there. it was uh i guess i was 15 so it was 81 ish 81 82 it was they were hardcore man but they weren't

1:26:19 no retreat, no surrender. background in like a martial art that in the 70s and the 80s there was no youtube right so like you was a girl that I trained from the time she was 15 so she was like 18 I was so it like this i'm like okay right listen to me you got to pick your knee up. They're like, well, sometimes when the guy's close, I like to do it like this. I'm like, okay.

1:28:12 You got to do it right. And if you learn the right way way you had a way better path if you learn Everything. Technique is everything. Yeah. They always have like these weird flaws in their style or their execution or the technique. But I need something have a lot of tension in that the tension is more in your left hand and all these techniques you

1:31:20 You know what I mean? find his ball he'll just say that he found his ball and drop drop another ball with he'll he'll pull his cart over and then go to the other side of his cart so that we're all blocked out and That's why they don't show you clips of Trump playing golf because they don't want people to know how good he is at it. Let's watch them.

1:32:41 because he thinks people will compare him to pro golfers. Fake news. Is it 1,000%? liberal not everyone i mean there's a couple but nobody's reading them what's a conservative they came up with a nickname for it. His quote, it was a Saturday morning game. So, yes, it's true. yeah and that's how it's done that's how it's done right you're real if you grow up in the

1:35:40 Come on, son. He's got a Bronco? the same car and this guy there's a lady pulled over at the gas station and he's yelling at this Since I saw him do it to two different ladies at two different cross streets, New York manipulate cards and he'd keep tapping the stack, and the stack would go smaller and smaller I know how to do a couple minimal card tricks,

1:39:07 And you're like, what is happening? He's so advanced. to work on right short job so i show up day one and basically we're all in a big writer's room And that's what excites them. So, for example, that was technology. it was just him making things appear out of absolutely nowhere. 10x times more options how to hold them how to move them how to maneuver those cards how to

1:42:43 And Jeff's like, where'd it go? moved into street magic because it's a little harder to do, you know, and that's what he was big on. Really nice guy. What was that like? And one time I hit a nerve, and we had to back it out and do it again. So I'm always hurt. I wouldn't like it though. Yeah. you know there's guys through their body and it would come out the other end.

1:46:24 Yeah, he's like showing me how to do it. Push it through here. So here's me shoving. I heard about it. What? Yeah. 100% real. It's not a good joke or a trick. Even with the... He did the frog thing, too, though, which is like another... We had an ice bucket on the Those movies, nothing makes me laugh like those movies. It doesn't seem that hurt. He saved a lot of his favorite things that he wrote himself

1:49:26 himself like he's but meanwhile his dick's hanging out oh my god and all these people he always falls At one point, I think he does a shot of it. But maybe not, because he's been doing it. Yeah. And he let him knock him out. No? I don't think it's a 16-ounce or an 18-ounce glove. he hits his head on a display i think look he beats the shit out of him

1:52:07 See if it's Steve-O. It was an actual ring. Text Butterbean KO Steve-O. maybe it's like a false memory so So the WWE once did this thing. tournament and what he didn't realize is that some people were just better fighters than others And he's going to get up because he's tough. Immediately. Go back to that again. false memory or something that did they make him fight but it didn't really have the endurance to go 12 so he would go short distances

1:55:32 That means he's really tired by round five. Your head washes around. And I was like looking into his brain. dot. I don't know. that but uh billboard posted something that um just for ticket master for tickets about getting Yeah. this is very controversial, like the Pfizer vaccine, if you read into it, had one before it's like okay i know it's about to happen i'm about to maybe have

1:58:45 you had hay fever or something right yeah that's what i thought because i was looking online ragweed But apparently, for a lot of folks out here, headache, facial discomfort, a sore throat, No, that's what the thing says. Maybe the guy who told me it was different is full of shit. When JFK was killed, they immediately went underground. would have been different

2:01:26 point here's the thing about murders today it is uh equally horrific as murders in 1963 but there's of coffee with some scientist who tells me some really cool shit i would be telling everybody and they're bringing up the Epstein thing. Did you hear Bill Gates went? Wow. And they kind of can. People start moving to Mexico. We become Mexico. there's like a hot mic abc news producer got um the epstein thing yeah nbc wasn't this was abc a different one she's suing

2:05:13 This is not the reporter. This is the girl who found the tape. Good for her. So she did. Yeah. them and then give them a security detail everywhere they go. It's expensive. Fuck yeah, it is. Look at what's happening right now with Fox News. Because what Fox News is trying to say is like, from broadcasting it on the air. you do what do you do especially if he's not really the president anymore right if like there

2:08:53 And so then Fox News gets fined $100 million, $500 million. because the support of the people, Right now I don't think they can do it. Right. a real fox you know what i'm saying come on but i'm boom come on there's something about those like Purely transactional relationships Whoa Let me see that upper left picture that you just clicked on. look at that hot body he's got

2:11:23 very clearly because you're a very, very very healthy guy what would you guess if you were to go with from old age as healthy as you are the life a very wealthy man who believes he's going to live to be 200 years old. Don't drink whiskey and smoke cigars. There's a difference between working out It's because you're breaking your body down. And then by the end of that camp, he was so tired.

2:14:45 They'll tell you, go watch TV. Go lounge in the pool a little bit just relax go for a hike just chill the fuck out let your But a lot of guys don't do it that way. They just don't want to be a pussy oh i came out to california i fought in this tournament in Anaheim. I was 19 I was so tired. told me that a long time ago you should check your heart rate in the morning and if it's more than x

2:17:32 fucking his uh his his under armor uh app that he uses or tracks his his uh his distance every day foul i think i'm going to pee my pants oh go, go pee. Okay. Jamie's gone too. to be more empathetic and we need to be more nice to each other but i really do think that that You've got to give people the opportunity Like, I don't think that's the right way to do it I think historically black lists and lists of people

2:20:35 That's what I think. that people are losing their jobs but the only thing we have together if we're we really truly What? I thought you went. I'll be back in like five minutes. couldn't take it anymore I understand people really you know they I bet a lot of people It's weird. different how so i'm just uh i'm just concerned about you know here let me do this let's go back

2:23:24 Sure. Do you remember that? four he was on last comic standing yeah he had a moment in the sun yeah there for a while yeah but before that he that we were we were we were fooled into getting into iraq and all of this other stuff it's all to imagine a time where you're going to drive down Melrose and all those stores are filled again and there's all hustle and bustle

2:26:45 time I've been at the store in a long time and it was really emotional and it i go it's it's a factory muffler right like it's i have an m3 from 2005 it's a d muffler. Right. I have an M3 from 2005. Would you have a 5, 5 Series? A lot of people think it's the Goldilocks zone of BMWs because it's before BMW became this really cushy luxury car and was more of a driver-focused car.

2:28:52 maybe a young black guy And he goes, seems like you got an aftermarket muffler in your car. boom boom and he's like yeah that might be too loud you might want to get that checked i go okay It wasn't even loud. We should point out that you drive a Corvette. Because literally this model Corvette has like three but i knew i wasn't because i've literally this model corvette

2:31:32 I don't call it a tach. big numbers right and then over the digital one on top of the rpms there's also one that You don't even use those paddles, do you? Yeah. As a grown man? to have right hand yeah i used to have one what'd you have well i used to own a hyundai elantra oh What do you rent? You don't think rental cars have stick shifts? It's fun to have stuff to do.

2:34:27 Josh Serlin, he's the owner of Black black bear brand they're a real cool clothing company they built me this really dope leather jacket man it's really cool um he makes like was like it's the most alive i ever feel goes, the tank only lasts for like 20 miles. That's his shifter. Tempe Improv. Crazy shifter you got there. like that's the place where i think tyson got arrested there for coke it's a upper town. Like that's the place where I think Tyson got arrested there for Coke.

2:36:52 not once. look around. Makes sense, though. about? No, there's nothing really with anything that's an upper that excites me one time I remember one time uh got a hold of Like, everything's going to be okay, Tony. feel so good yeah well I think a lot of people if you don't have it's a tough argument because what's your argument for that what do you say hey you should suffer in

2:40:44 Dude, steroids are illegal in Oregon. Become like Dorian Yates, do acid. Son of a bitch. Get out of here. Yeah. To be that big and that strong, Goodness. go to that one in the middle right there. Look at the size of him. He wanted to just unveil. really understand pool know how difficult the shots are or how he changed the angle with english and Like, that moment when they're shredded, they're super dehydrated. Yeah, they cut all the water.

2:45:10 Well, Never knowing what it's like. it's gonna be fun you and me and lon white who else is on the show uh the young um Is he still young Jamie after the coronavirus? Oh, okay. You can go to a hair salon out here. Do I have a picture of it? Because Uriah One of the cornrow people I forgot you were in a band Do you have it? now that we're in the center of live entertainment?

2:48:30 It was like heavy metal rock music, you know. Dude, he's really good. How much good music came out of Seattle? Right. Yep. Pittsburgh or death. Yeah. It only works if you get out. it's just gonna take some time i saw white walker the other day joe they're coming let me know when If we have a parking lot, and in that parking lot you have a team of 10 nurses,

2:51:14 It's not hard. If you have it, and then they can have a drink Right. So they swab your nose. Maybe you have a QR code or something like that. comedy club it can be done you know and is it easy to do right now no it's a little complicated It's a little reminder that you and I and Diaz and Ari and Duncan and so many others, Main Room, OR. I remember going in there on a Tuesday night. yeah every night monday tuesday wednesday thursday multiple shows at night main room or

2:54:23 it to people in the parking lot and they won't know what to do and then at one point it got approved by uh west hollywood that they were which is playing music and you have people at tables talking over the music to one another so these governors and these mayors they all suddenly have power and it's very difficult to let that Yeah. But I'm at Where are you at?

2:57:46 That's not good. Okay, stop. It's so much fun. Yeah, I'm working. It's between two guys. Yeah, we just got to get everything open here is moving here red A lot of waitresses and a lot of waiters and bartenders that got fucked over during this shit. We're gonna have to And had music The other guy sounds like Megadeth Godspeed